Category: bullies

Know Your Bullies: 5 Types of Bullies You Need to Know About

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Bullies come in different kinds. You can never assume how your bullies will react because different people react to different things in different ways. Speak out against and expose some bullies and they’ll go to the ends of the earth seeking to retaliate.

Taylor your defense strategies to the particular bully you’re dealing with. To do this, you must be able to distinguish the blowhards from the truly vindictive, the smart ones from the dumb, and the aggressive from the passive-aggressive.

Bullies should never be dealt with blindly. If you go into it blind, you’ll be at their mercy and they’ll toss you around like a tornado tosses debris.

To successfully combat bullying, you must be able to recognize different types of personalities if you expect to survive.

1. Narcissistic and Arrogant Bullies – Although they may hide it well, their excessive, touchy pride and self-importance makes them dangerous. If these types detect even a hint of slight, they will pay you back with excessive brutality. With these people, logic and rationality won’t apply. They overreact to what even looks like opposition and ridicule.

And you don’t have to do anything to them. All you have to do is be good at something or outdo them somehow and they’ll take offense to it. They’ll call you a showoff and take it as you’re trying to be better than them. And they’ll make you pay dearly. And if you get recognition for a project well-done, these people won’t tolerate it. They hate being in anyone’s shadow!

These bullies are usually in the popular crowd at school or in management at work.

Don’t bother trying to second guess them. Avoid them like the plague!

2. Insecure Bullies – These people are a close second to the Narcissistic bullies. These bullies are harder to spot and less violent. Their egos are extremely fragile, and their senses of self are insecure. If they dislike you, they’ll attack in small nibbles. And you won’t realize it until the swipes they take at you are big enough to be obvious.

These bullies are usually the groupies to the popular crowd at school or the suck-ups to management at work.

Avoid these people as well.

3. Suspicious Bullies – these bullies only see the worst in not only their targets but everyone. But in their targets, it’s all they want to see. They see them as threats and think they’re out to get them when it couldn’t be further from the truth. However, Suspicious bullies aren’t as dangerous as the previous two. These bullies are, in fact, easy for targets to trick and deceive. And sometimes targets must resort to trickery to protect themselves.

To counter these bullies is to use their suspicions and turn them against someone else. It will take their focus off you and toss it on the other person. Hey, I know it sounds shady but sometimes you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do to protect yourself. And if means someone else (preferably someone who is as mean as a snake) taking the heat for a while, so be it.

4. Bullies with photographic memories – These bullies never forget you. If you were to run into them again 30 years later, you can bet that they will target you again- only picking up where they left off.

If you’re a target of these bullies, they won’t show their hatred outwardly. But they will keep their eyes on you.

They’ll lie in wait as they plot. Then, when the time is right, they’ll exact their brutality with a frigid coldness. These bullies are usually unaffectionate and hard.

To protect yourself, you must damage these bullies or scare them so bad, they won’t even think of coming for you again.

stupid idiot

5. Bullies who aren’t very bright – These people are easy to combat and won’t see your counterattack coming. These are the bullies you can most easily defend yourself against and expose.

Again, you must know your bullies- each of them, if you expect to overcome them. Knowing your bullies means knowing their personalities and being able to predict what they’ll do next. Only then will you be able to protect yourself against them to maximum effect.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies Always…ALWAYS, Get Their Power from an Entourage.

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A crowd of people surrounded the red man. Accusation of crime, mob law over a person, lynch court. The leader in the center of the crowd, the leader, an example for diving. Angry crowd

You will never see a bully alone. Why? Because they could never handle being by themselves. Peer-abusers are cowards! Wimps! Wusses! They always attack in groups because they need their wingmen as a source from which to draw and re-enforce power.

Without their backup, bullies are just as powerless as you are. A bully is too afraid to attack you one on one because they fear that you would bury them where they fall.

Yet, victims are (mistakenly) branded as cowards, although they are the ones who come to school or work and face bullies…alone, no matter how viciously they get brutalized. Through all the name-calling, the taunts, the brutal beatings, the threats to their lives, targets manage to reach within themselves and push through another day.

To endure that every single day for several years and still find the resolve to soldier on? Now that takes courage! These people are the real warriors!

It takes bravery to be a target of relentless bullying and remain standing tall. To be a victim of daily and constant abuse and make it to the finish line of high school graduation or the end-of-week paycheck?

To stay in the race, while most bullies drop out of school or quit their jobs when the going gets tough? That’s not only brave, but it’s also heroic! To be your own hero? That takes bravery bullies will never have!

Now, will the real wimps in the workplace or classroom please stand?
I rest my case.

If you are a target, know that your bullies could never be half the man/woman you are! You have more heart, more soul, and more strength than they ever will!

10 Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out

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dreamstime_xs_104065709

1. Being a bully is WORK! They work hard to keep up appearances and to maintain their fake facades. Bullies, especially popular ones, have an image to keep up, and they monitor themselves nonstop, twenty-four-seven. They must keep up with and remember all the lies they tell to keep their stories straight. And they often spend beyond their means to look like they have lots of money. Is it any wonder that many bullies get charged with crimes like embezzlement, fraud, and theft? Most have to steal to keep up!

2. Bullies are not happy people. They can’t be. Why do you think they bully others? They do it to feel better about themselves, to distract from their shortcomings and insecurities, and project them onto someone else. Bullies also bully to make themselves look superior, better, smarter, and more powerful. They may bully for attention because they aren’t getting it at home. It takes a miserable person to be a bully.

narcissist bully arrogant

3. They’re weak. Bullies bully because they’re feeble-minded people. They’re loud, obnoxious, and pushy because they don’t have the brains nor social intelligence to get what they want any other way.

4. Bullies are insecure. When a bully sees someone who outshines them somehow, they fear that the person will take the attention and admiration away from them. Bullies share attention and recognition with no one. They must be adored at all times by everyone. They feel they have to be at the center of everything and that the world should revolve around them.

narcissist bully ego

5. Bullies are jealous of their victims. Bullies can’t handle anyone else’s success. If you have more wins then them, are better looking then them or are more talented than them, they’ll make it their mission to make you suffer for it.

6. Bullies are trying to be cool. Again, they strain themselves to keep up appearances. And bullies know that most people are under the mistaken impression that cruelty is “cool” as long as they aren’t on the receiving end of it. Many bullies bully to look cute to any witnesses.

7. They seek attention. If a bully doesn’t get attention, they feel inadequate. So they bully in front of an audience to get the attention they feel they never get.

8. They’re cowards. They’re afraid of looking weak and being bullied themselves.

9. They’re fakes, frauds, and imposters. They must don masks to hide their true selves. Understand that they do this out of the fear of their true personalities being exposed.

10. They’re compensating. Bullies bully to compensate for weakness. If they can look strong by making someone else look weak they make up for the weaknesses they feel they have. Bullies will also run with rich people or the popular crowd because it helps them to forget about the fact that they’re nothing and, in a way, makes up for anything they feel they don’t have.

bullied victim desperate people pleaser

Male bullies who feel they aren’t man enough will often drive around in hot cars and flaunt money to make up for the fact that most decent girls find them disgusting. Female bullies will often use fashion, makeup, and the latest hairstyles to compensate for the fact that few people like them. Or they may have a bunch of friends and use that to make up for the fact that they can’t get a date. Who wants to date someone with a haughty attitude?

Bullies have secrets they don’t want exposed and they’ll move Heaven and Earth to keep those secrets from coming out.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies Hate Differences of Any Kind. What is Hate Transfer?

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bullying bullied victim hard

You’ve heard of addiction-transfer- when an addict replaces one addiction with another (for example, the addiction to food is replaced with an addiction to alcohol). But what about hate-transfer?

Here’s an explanation. I’ll use my school bullies as examples.

Many of my bullies in high school were stone-cold racists. However, they couldn’t express that hate to minorities because even during the ’80s and early ’90s, open racism was taboo. So, they simply replaced that hatred with that of the mentally ill and disabled, the indigent and out-of-town people.

I know they were racists because, on many occasions, they bullied me because having been a military brat and been around people of all races and creeds, I had no qualms with associating with people of all races. I accepted everyone because I’ve always believed we are all one race- the human race!

However, in Oakley, Tennessee, people frowned on this and not only people of my race but others as well.

hypocrite hypocrisy double standard

I also overheard many private conversations among girls in the bathrooms. They’d make disgusting racial slurs and put down other races among themselves within the privacy and secrecy of their group, then in public, smile and give a friendly pat on the back to the very people they put down earlier. Sheesh! They would act like they were their best friends.

But wait! There’s more!

However, they were openly hateful to the kids in the Special Ed classes, who they referred to as “the retarded kids.” They also publicly bullied kids who were dirt poor and kids who weren’t originally from Oakley. And if you were gay back then, you never let it be known at Oakley High School.

You see, people such as these have to have someone to bully. If they can’t bully other races, they will bully the poor and destitute. If they cannot bully transexuals, they will bully the mentally disabled.

bullying bullied victim

But wait! There’s more!

However, they were openly hateful to the kids in the Special Ed classes, who they referred to as “the retarded kids.” They also publicly bullied kids who were dirt poor and kids who weren’t originally from Oakley. And if you were gay back then, you never let it be known at Oakley High School.

You see, people such as these have to have someone to bully. If they can’t bully other races, they will bully the poor and destitute. If they cannot bully transexuals, they will bully the mentally disabled.

That is what hate-transfer is.

It’s having a hatred of anyone different from you but staying in the “safe zone” by only discriminating against those who aren’t as “protected.”

Prejudice against anyone should be illegal, and it is. However, bias against the poor or mentally disabled isn’t near as evident as bias against someone from a different race because anyone from any ethnicity can be poor or mentally incapacitated.

And skin color can be seen with the eyes. Poverty and mental disability are sometimes invisible to the eyes. You can be poor or have a mental disability. People can even know or suspect you may be poor or mentally disabled. But you don’t necessarily have to look that way.

bullying scapegoat victim bullied

Sadly, to have legal protections, your uniqueness to the majority must be seen with the eyes, and even then, it’s no guarantee you’ll have those protections.

Understand that most seasoned bullies hate anyone different from them. But they only harass the groups who have less legal protections and are “safest” and more socially acceptable to bully!

The more you know.

Reasons You Should Quarantine Yourself from Negative People

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gossip drama bitching complain

Negative people have a knack for bringing others down. They seem to suck the air out of every room they walk into and make everyone around them feel yucky. In many cases, these people don’t have to say a word. The vibes and bad energy alone are enough to darken the brightest of moods because you can sense it. You can feel it in your gut.

This is why it’s so important that you listen to your gut and avoid people who have a dark disposition and who seem to attract misfortune. It’s okay to help someone when they’re in trouble and provide a listening ear to someone who’s sad and needs to talk. Nothing wrong with that.

But if a person seems to live in a dark place and never get out of the funk they’re in, or, if the individual has bad stuff happen to them nonstop, it’s best to either limit time spent with them or avoid them altogether.

‘You see? Moods and emotional states are as contagious as the flu. And another person’s bad moods and misfortunes have a way of rubbing off on the people around them.

positive happy peace hope

It’s much better to keep company with people who are happy, successful, and satisfied with their lives. Now, before I go on, I realize that bad things do happen to good people and that just because someone is unfortunate doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re negative.

Some have been brought down by circumstances beyond their control. They are the ones we offer a helping hand to.

However, others bring misfortune on themselves by their negative attitudes, actions, and effect on others. We should avoid these people like the plague because there’s no changing them. In fact, they will only end up changing you and not for the better.

Again, understand that we’re all susceptible to the moods, emotional states, and ways of thinking of the people we spend time with. And those who are unhappy and unstable have a contagion effect on us because of the extreme intensity of their emotions.

toxic danger poison

These are people with a victim mentality and most bullies do present themselves as victims. They will never admit that they bring a lot of bad karma on themselves by the way they treat others. And if you’re not careful, they’ll only bring you down too, because they will overwhelm you with their forceful nature.

How you keep a positive attitude is to keep company with positive and happy people. These people don’t have to mistreat or bully anyone to feel good about themselves. They’re already happy and enjoying their lives.

And they’re such a pleasure to be around. When you befriend and spend time with people who are happy and positive, you get to share in their happiness and prosperity. You become a part of the happiness they embody and the happiness they attract to themselves.

So, why not keep them around and let their joy infect you? You’ll be so glad you did!

Bullies Will Sometimes Use Tactics That Are Outrageous, Outlandish, and Unheard Of

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bullied victim trapped spider's web

Understand that outrageous tactics are deliberate, and there’s a reason behind them.

Bullies employ these shenanigans on their targets to gaslight them. They already know their tactics are so disgraceful and outlandish that they’re beyond all comprehension. They also know that people would have a difficult time believing it if it were spoken of.

However, if something is beyond all comprehension, you have to ask yourself how anyone could make this stuff up? And so many people in power forget this.

Understand that the use of tactics that seem a bit outlandish is a subtle form of gaslighting. These astonishing actions are meant to confuse and silence the target. Because when things that happen are so far outside human comprehension and experience, they’re the most difficult to talk about because “these kinds of things just don’t happen.”

red flag warning

Any member of authority to whom the target reports it is likely to tell himself:

1. “No! It’s a mistake!”
2. “There’s no way something like that can happen! It couldn’t have!”
3. “Wow! That sounds so far-fetched! It can’t be true!”

Again. Understand that bullies do these things deliberately! They design their tactics to be “shocking,” “unbelievable,” and “over the top” in case the target speaks out. It’s a way to bewilder the target and make him too scared to talk about it. And if he does report it, it’s likely to leave potential listeners too bewildered to believe it.

They force victims to doubt their perceptions and their sanity. Because if the tactic is so wild and unheard of that, we can hardly believe it ourselves. And if we can hardly believe it, how can we expect others to believe it when we tell them?

bullying outrageous outlandish unbelievable shocking WTF W

You must realize that bullies are slick and inventive! If you’re a target, you will know your bullies are employing such tactics when, at any time, you ask yourself such questions as:

“Whoa! Did this just happen?”
“Did she really just say that?”
“Did he really just do that?”
“Did I just see that?”
“Did I just hear what I thought I heard?”
Or you’ll think statements that begin with, “She did NOT just…”.

Another clue is that you ask yourself,

“Can I tell anyone else about what these people are doing without being laughed at and told that it’s all in my imagination?”

shock embarrassment unbelievable outlandish

And these questions will gnaw at you. Also, you’ll wonder if you really were imagining or seeing things. Remember that the purpose of gaslighting is to make you doubt your perceptions and what you experienced.

If you experienced these things from bullies, know that it wasn’t all in your head. There is a way to speak out about it and do it with confidence and conviction. And when you speak up, put some conviction in it.

Here’s another way you can respond if the person you talk about this too doubts you’re telling the truth or suspects that you’re being “crazy.” You can simply say,

“You can’t make this stuff up!”

That’s the best thing to say any time you witness, hear, or experience these types of bully tactics.

Bullies and Redundancy

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Indifferent.

Redundancy has been the downfall of many a bully. Have you ever noticed how bullies always- always…repeat the same narratives and personal attacks?

And, like a broken record, their needle gets stuck on the same old attack. Repeat, repeat, repeat. On and one they drag the same tired, worn-out narrative.

Although it’s true that repeating the same lie a thousand times does work, as Goebbels proved during the 1930’s, there are also times it can backfire because people get bored listening to it.

When bullies get redundant, it reeks of desperation because any time someone feels they must repeat themselves, it means that they have a bad feeling that the story isn’t sticking as well as they hoped it would. Otherwise, they wouldn’t need to repeat themselves.

However, if you’re a target of such foolishness, rest assured that this bodes well for you although it may not feel good. Realize that it can work in your favor and take advantage of it. And how you take advantage of it is to just sit back and let them talk. Forgive me a chuckle or two.

Here are a few reasons being redundant can backfire on bullies:

1.As mentioned above, the bully will end up boring the hell out of those around him. Most people would rather cut off their right arms than be bored. And once something becomes a snooze fest, it’s over!

2. In being redundant, bullies only reveal their own issues. Again, to anyone with an ounce of common sense, redundancy makes the bullies look bad because, if one must continue to beat a dead horse, they not only look desperate but worse, they look defeated! And people around them will pray for the day they finally either go away, or “shut up about it already!” The bully will eventually get blown off with an eyeroll and a “whatever.”

So, if you’re a target of this kind of foolishness, remember to just sit back, let your bullies dig their own holes, and snicker! Some things don’t need a reaction.

It’s only a matter of time before they shoot themselves in the foot, so, why not let them continue cutting off their noses to spite their faces?

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Metaphors Targets Use to Describe Their Bullies

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I can tell you the metaphors I often used to describe my bullies at school. I often called them:

“Teenage Hitlers”

“Devils”

“Demon possessed”

I remember how they’d get in my face, nose to nose, and scream obscenities and curses while bushwhacking me with their funky breath and spraying me with misty micro-balls of their saliva. How their eyes would bulge so far out of their heads, you’d think they were going to pop out.

How they’d jump out of their seats at me, slinging textbooks and papers everywhere and sometimes flinging their chairs backwards!

I remember one bully picking up a metal waste can and hurling it at me with all their strength. The waste can flew past me, barely missing my head by less than an inch. How their faces would contort and how they’d fly into screaming tirades with long diatribes of obscenities, threats of bodily harm, and personal attacks. It was both bizarre and terrifying!

That’s what overt bullying looks like, especially to targets.

Overt bullying looks like angry and snarling faces that bare their teeth and spit on you as they scream, yell and threaten you while balling a fist in your face.

And they called me crazy? I see it so clearly now. They were the crazy ones.

Then, there was covert bullying.

I remember how the covert bullies would come to me with smiles on their faces. How they would act so sincere as they asked such personal questions about my private life. If I was dating, they’d ask such personal questions:

“Have you given it up to him yet?”

“Have you gotten horizontal yet?”

“Are you still a virgin?”

I didn’t answer those questions, of course. However, the questions alone made me feel violated. For them to think they could ask me such questions so openly made me feel disrespected.

The covert bullying looked like smiling faces with a gleam in their eyes as they hurled zingers and backhanded compliments. Covert bullying was the shaking of your hand with one hand and hiding the knife behind their back with the other. It was the tiny nibbles and little violations of my boundaries that would arouse my anger and provoke me to tell them to piss off, or to mind their own damned business.

I was very ugly to people when they’d pull this crap, and I reacted very harshly. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what the covert bullies were looking for- a reaction.

The overt bullies, however, were looking for submission and compliance, and if they didn’t get it, God help the person they wanted it from. And the covert bullies always became more and more overt as time went on. Until they too eventually became just as crazy.

Many of them were so unpredictable. They were like Jekyll and Hide, or like ticking time-bombs. The bullying I suffered was shocking and surreal.

It was as if they were all using black magic- like they had dark powers and they would unleash a legion of demons from the pits of hell. They could magically morph into whatever character they wished, it depended on the audience present at the time.

Understand that those metaphors are just a few examples of how all targets describe their tormentors and if they use those metaphors, listen to them because they’re not lying, nor are they “making it up.” You can’t make this stuff up.

And if you’re a target of this kind of evil, you should always stand up to the mini-micro violations because, if you don’t, the violations will only grow bigger until they become out of control. Never accept even the tiniest of offenses from a bully because if you give an inch, they will take ten miles.

If it’s overt, find a way to remove yourself from the situation for your personal safety.

Remember that you teach people how to treat you and you do it by what you’ll put up with. Always put yourself first and stand up for your rights. You’ll thank yourself for it later. I’m living proof of it.

Thank goodness I don’t get that behavior from anyone anymore because I know how to keep my cool and tell someone in a politer way to get lost any time they stick as much as a toe over my boundary line. And know that you won’t be a target forever either if you continue to stand firm and refuse to accept bad treatment.

Again, if you’re listening to someone who describes the bullying they’ve suffered and refers to their bullies as either of the above metaphors or even as dictators or tyrants, listen to them and more importantly,  believe them! They’re telling the truth and they know what they’re talking about!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Moving On Is So Much Better Than Hanging on to Relationships that Don’t Fulfill You

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Let’s face it, some things and some people aren’t worth your time and energy. Sadly, many targets of bullying bend over backwards trying to get others to like them but only accomplish the exact opposite- they only end up repelling more and more people.

Realize that, although they may be painful to detach from, certain things and people in life just aren’t worth fighting for. And these people are:

1. People who bully and abuse you

2. People who are jealous of your successes and accomplishments

 3. People who don’t reciprocate the love and care you give them- people who take and never give.

 4. People who don’t value you nor see your worth.

 5. People who are negative and drain the energy from you.

 6. People you feel like you must force conversations with.

 7. People you feel like you must force to stay in your life.

 8. People you have to try so hard to prove your worth to.

 Trust me, you have nothing to prove to these morons and they’re not worth it! And they don’t deserve the privilege of being in your life. Stop giving them things they haven’t earned- they haven’t even earned your respect, must less your friendship, time, and energy! Kick these creeps to the curb! Fast!

Realize that you can’t force people to love you. People love you because they want to, not because they feel obligated to.

Let me break it down some more:

1.If you have people in your life who make you feel that you must explain to them why you do things the way you do, get rid of them, they’re only dead weight that holds you back from the life you deserve to enjoy.

 2. If you have people who say they’re for you but only discourage you from your goals- people who always tell you that you can’t, give them the boot because, again, they’re only trying to brainwash you to hold you back for achieving your goals so that they won’t end up feeling so bad about themselves.

 3. If you have people who only pretend to be your friends but really aren’t- people who talk about you behind your back, laugh at you with other people, or make little digs to make you feel bad, tell these people to take a walk because with friends like those, you don’t need enemies!

Realize that when you move on, you cease to be controlled, manipulated, and victimized. You put these people right where they need to be, in the trash heap of life. Hey, I know that being friendless sucks, but I promise you that it won’t last long.

Hit the road concept, road – 3D rendering

Know that when you get rid of the people who don’t value you, you only increase your own value and attract better people into your life in the future.

Instead of fighting to maintain relationships with people who aren’t worth peeing on, much less fighting for, cut ties with them and move on with your life. Move on and power through the pain and loneliness.

Whatever you do, just get rid of these people and move on. You’ll feel much better about yourself when you do. I promise!

Bullies, Boasting, and Backfiring

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Bad behavior bullying children cartoon characters composition with group of teenage girls laughing at their classmate vector illustration

Bullies have big mouths. When they succeed in taking their targets down, you can bet that they will boast about it later.

I say this because many of my classmates were chronic boasters and braggarts. Anytime a bully beat me up physically or verbally, they would immediately boast about it to get the “street cred” and make that power-high last a little longer. They would also do it to got attention and props from others.

“I let her have it!”

“I cursed her out!”

“I threw her little ass down the stairs!”

“I body-slammed that b*tch!”

“I kicked her butt!”

“I made her nose bleed!”

“I choked her out!”

“I threw her on the floor and kicked her in the ribs! I wish I’d broke her ribs!”

“I told her off!”

Oh, yes! They were so proud of themselves and wanted the world to know how they put “a girl like her” in her place.

guilt concept – unhappy young sporty man showing his throat with gun-like hands for sign of low self-esteem, textured effects

And anyone listening would laugh derisively and openly, and sometimes they would brag and laugh right in front of me and even some of the teachers.

‘You see? Bullies get their egos involved in the bullying of a target and they’re going to prove them wrong, by George! They’re going to humiliate them. They’re ’re going to show this person that they aren’t as good, safe, independent, strong, or brave as they think they are. They’re going to get them and they’re going to get them good and make them feel it when they do!

But here’s what I didn’t realize back then:

In their incessant boasting, my classmates were admitting that they were bullying me and without even realizing it. They were too stupid to realize that they were admitting who the real target was and who were the bullies. By letting everyone know that they had all the power, and I was powerless, they admitted their bullying behavior.

And had I realized this when it was happening, I would not have felt so crushed, and would have been able to use it to my advantage.

I would have used their brags as evidence that they really were the perpetrators and possibly stopped being abused by them. But who thinks about that at age 12, 13, or even 17?

Fortunately, I only thought of this years later, after a bullying incident at work, during which I was accosted by a vicious coworker who, as you can probably guess, bragged about it later. And after using it to my benefit by calling it out, I was amazed at the results.

The coworker ended up with a week’s suspension and the bullying came to a screeching halt. From that day forward, she avoided me and never even looked in my general direction.

I want you to know that, if you’re a target of bullying and your bullies openly brag about taking you down, that right there, folks, is a confession!

It is important that you point that out. You can say something to the tune of:

“Oh, so, you admit to bullying me? Nice! Now, I don’t have to convince anyone. You did that for me! So, thank you!”

If a teacher or supervisor is present. You can turn to them and say,

“Uh-huh! See there? Straight from the horse’s mouth. They just admitted that they attacked me. Now, who’s the instigator?”

Do this and be pleasantly amazed (and tickled pink) when you see your bullies’ faces change from smug looks of arrogance to looks of horror and humiliation, knowing they really stepped in it by opening their traps. Then you can smile devilishly as they try desperately to pull the foot out of their mouths!

Remember that loose lips sink ships and boasting can backfire. Royally!

Always point out the bullies’ confession. Use your bullies’ boasting to trap them. You’ll be surprised at just how fast you shut them down.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

“Offended”

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Isn’t it strange that, nowadays, we have so many people who are so easily offended? With that said, bullies are the very people who are easily offended. In fact, bullies have such fragile egos that it takes zero effort to offend them- especially if you’re a target. Just your mere presence is an insult to them.

Understand that people who are easily offended take things completely out of context- automatically attaching meaning to the behavior of others, when, in reality, it’s completely devoid of personal meaning. Bullies and anyone easily offended have a flair for turning neutrality into a personal affront or confrontation.

They conjure up meanings out of exchanges from others that are totally impersonal. With these paranoid pansies, it’s always:

“She doesn’t agree with everything I say, do, and think, so that means she doesn’t like me!”

“He has a different opinion than me, so that means he’s looking down his nose at me!”

“She doesn’t like the same things I like, so that means she hates me!”

These sad, and often hateful, people automatically presume to know what the other is thinking and feeling.

In life, you will run into these types of people. That’s why it’s best to either divert the conversation to a neutral subject or walk away because they aren’t worth the energy expenditure.

Understand that bullies and the easily offended can never be happy because they place entirely too much value and investment in how they are thought of by others. This is no way for a person to live. Anytime you place too much importance in how others evaluate you, you give them too much power over you- you make yourself their prisoner. You make yourself their servant- for free!

Bullies place too much value on their social images. They have a nasty habit of being too occupied with their imaginary views of how others think of them. They over-analyze the images others may (or may not) have of them. They must realize that this is a waste of time because it will never have any bearing on their (the bullies’) lives.

Back in the days of the cavemen, people had to be accepted by their in-group because it was a matter of life and death. To not be accepted in their in-group put the person at risk of starvation and extinction, especially it that person was a woman.

Thankfully, it’s not like that today. Nevertheless, if a bully feels they’re being insulted or made to look weak or stupid, they see it as the end of the world. The threatened loss of their gleaming reputations and becoming an outcast, to them, spells catastrophe!

Here are a few examples of the disease of over-offense:

1.Bully supervisors become offended and enraged at an employee for making a minor mistake because they take it too personally. Therefore, they see the other person as an enemy or adversary over one tiny mistake that was more than likely unintentional and that anybody could make.

2. Bullies and the easily offended are also the types of people who think that when any rules or laws are applied to them, they only have the attitude that the people making the rules and laws are “picking on” them. They then feel a flash of powerlessness that prompts them to lash out.

Understand that these types of people have a child’s mentality and never matured beyond the age of six mentally and emotionally. Their tactics may be way more sophisticated than a six-year-olds, but inside, they still have the maturity and the attitude of one.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

When Bullies Think They Can Predict Your Downfall

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Bullies are notorious for playing fortuneteller to their targets. They laugh at your goals and dreams. They try to derail and sabotage your progress. And they do it because they’re so darned insecure in themselves. Why do you think bullies work so hard at bringing others down?

Realize that all this is very telling about the bullies’ own lives. In many cases, you’ll have the smart kid in your class who always makes straight A’s and makes high remarks and he’s targeted by bullies.

There’s also the girl who can sing like a professional, the boy who wins all the awards, the girl who writes the most beautiful poems and interesting stories, the guy who always gets the promotions at work, or the woman who always gets noticed by potential suitors.

One thing they all have in common is that they’re the ones bullies come for to make their lives as miserable as possible.

In school, I could sing, and the music teacher would pick me to sing solos in the school choir. I also write stories and poems back then and I cannot count the times my bullies told me:

“You’ll never make it in the music business.”

“You’ll never publish any books.”

“No book publisher will ever choose any of your lame stories.”

“You’ll never amount to anything.”

“You’ll never be anybody.”

“You’ll never get married.”

“You’ll never have children.”

“You’ll never be worth a damn.”

And the list goes on…

And each time I’d hear garbage like this from my bullies, I’d think of the sounds I’d hear every time I’d watch Charlie Brown and the Peanuts gang and see them talking to an adult, whether it be their parents, or a teacher in class.

toxic brainwashing

I would think, “Wa-wa-w-wa-wa-waaaaaa.” That’s how little I valued their words when it came to things I enjoyed doing and my dreams and goals.

With bullies, it’s always the same old you’ll never this and you’ll never that. But, here’s the thing. People who haven’t accomplished much themselves will always try to drag you down when they think you’re striving for something. And because they haven’t tasted success, they don’t believe that anyone else will (or should) either.

Understand that when bullies predict your failures, they only reveal all their failures and disappointments. That’s right! They’re speaking from their own perspectives. Anytime they tell you that you’ll never succeed at anything, it’s because they’ve never succeeded at anything and likely never will.

What these bullies are also telling you is that they’re afraid that you will succeed and make them feel even more like the losers they are. Realize that your bullies are trying to wreck your optimism, kill your confidence, and crush your self-esteem. And they want to do it before you end up winning at something.

Bullies want you to fail and they want it so badly they can almost taste it. Because, if you do reach success, your win will only reflect back to them their own laziness, failure, and mediocrity. Therefore, they relentlessly try to drum their words of doom into your head to condition you to not even bother to try. Because they know that not trying only ensures failure. In trying to condition you to not try, they’re only trying to ensure your failure.

That’s why it’s imperative that you turn a deaf ear to your bullies’ bogus predictions of your future because they can’t possibly know what their own futures entail, much less yours. You must not allow them to discourage you and cause you to lose sight of your goals and dreams.

Let the trash they talk go in one ear and out the other. Tell them, “That’s your opinion” and laugh at them or maybe scoff and give your bullies a scornful eye-roll. Then turn your back to them and walk away snickering. Look on your bullies with scorn when they try to predict your outcomes because they only do it out of ignorance and stupidity.

Do these things because it’s the only way you’ll keep your power and continue to feel confident. Your self-esteem will thank you for it later!

Toxic Friendship

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Have you ever had so-called friends who seemed to turn hot and cold toward you? Who manipulated you into doing something you didn’t want to do? Fake friends who never had your back and always threw you under the bus whenever you were in trouble or in danger? Who treated you shabbily and didn’t seem to care how they hurt you? Whom you had to apologize to for things you weren’t guilty of just to keep the peace?

Have you ever had that particular friend who seemed possessive of you and wanted to keep you all to herself? Who would get angry when she saw you talking to another friend of yours, or worse, treat the other friend like a fifth wheel because she feels threatened by your friendship with the other girl?

Or…maybe it’s less obvious. Your so-called friend discourages you when you tell him what your plans for the future are. You tell your frenemy that you’re planning to cut a CD, or write a book and publish it. And he shoots you off your saddle by telling you in the most caring and concerned tone,

“I want to warn you before you get your hopes up because the last thing I want is to see you disappointed. Most singers and writers never get anywhere with their music and books. It’s hard to make it in that industry today.”

Although that may be true- it’s very difficult to make it in both the music and publishing industries, your friend should at least encourage you and be proud of you for having the guts to try. Because, who knows? You may be one of the lucky few who do make it. However, if you don’t even try, you won’t even have a chance of succeeding.

Maybe you have a dream of one day becoming an actor and your friends ridicule you for having that dream and tell you that you’ll only crash and burn.

Maybe you’ve made a great achievement or won an award and your friends only give you backhanded compliments, or trivialize your accomplishment.

Any time friends discourage you like that, you have to wonder if they’re only discouraging you because they’re afraid that you just might be successful. You also must ask yourself whether they believe in you or not, or if they’re secretly resentful of your success.

If you’re having these problems with those who are supposed to be your friends. My loving advice is to find new friends. You owe it to yourself. Realize that real friends make us feel better about ourselves not worse. Real friends enhance your life, they don’t cause pain or humiliation.

Toxic friends only suck the life out of you and leave you feeling worthless. You deserve friends who are ride or die. You deserve friends who are there for you no matter what kind of storms you may be going through. And you deserve friends who value you and don’t want to lose you.

But first, you must value yourself. And how you value yourself is to get rid of anyone who doesn’t treat you as well as you treat them. You may be alone for a spell, but your people will find you eventually and it will be worth it in the end. I guarantee it!

Reasons You Have Haters

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Many of the greatest, most tender-hearted, and level-headed people I know have a pack of haters behind them. And many of them don’t understand why. Down through the years, I’ve heard them ask, “What did I ever do to them?” or “I know I’m not a bad person and I treat everyone how I would want to be treated. So, what is it that they (the haters) think is wrong with me?” I’ve got to admit it. I asked the same questions many times when I was young and it happened to me. But here’s a little assurance.

First, if you are one of those good people who certain others hate on, and you yourself are asking yourself the same questions, let me tell you: You didn’t do anything to them. In fact, you did nothing wrong. Secondly, what they think is wrong with you doesn’t matter. What they think period doesn’t matter. And there’s nothing wrong with you. I want you to know that you’re okay. You’re enough. And you’re awesome just the way you are.

I know what you’re likely to say next and you’re probably thinking it now: “But there’s got to be some reason they hate me so much.”

And you’re right. There are many reasons your haters hate you. But those reasons have nothing to do with you, and here they are:

1. They don’t have a life. …or one that’s meaningful. Most haters aren’t what they appear to be. Many are life losers who have no redeeming qualities whatsoever. So, they have nothing better to do than to hate on others. Many of these types of haters are broke, jobless, partner-less, and live in their mommy’s basement.

To feel better about themselves, they’ll troll your social media pages, make incendiary comments, and post vile things about you. If they happen to be local to your area and you know them, they’ll talk trash about you behind your back and try to kill your reputation, your opportunities and prospects. These types of haters are bored with life and the only entertainment and rush of endorphins they can get is to cause drama in other people’s lives.

These are the types of people you should feel sorry for because they live truly miserable and pathetic lives. And the only way they can feel powerful is to ruin other people’s lives. Sadly, we have so many people like that today, and many of them get involved in the cancel culture that’s so prevalent. Again, understand that this is a last-ditch effort for them to achieve power. And sadly, it seems to work for them.

2. They’re not happy in their lives. This can go hand in hand with number 1. However, some people can have everything, a good job, a nice home, good family, and still not be happy. What they lack is contentment. Or, it could be that they aren’t happy with some things in their life. Whatever it may be, their attitude is this. If they can’t be happy, then by George, they’re going to make sure you’re not happy either.

They want to take away your peace of mind and bring you down to their level of misery. And you aren’t the only one. There are probably other people they do this to as well. Again, this person is a miserable individual and you shouldn’t hate them back, you should only pity them.

Jealousy

3. You have something they don’t have. No one ever said life was fair. Some people can, and some can’t. Some have, and some don’t. It’s a hard part of reality that makes some people angry because they can’t seem to figure out how to obtain the things they want. So, they hate on anyone who has the things they (the haters) have been longing for and who has life a little easier than they do.

4. Jealousy. This goes back to you having something your haters don’t have and those poor souls not being happy in their lives. Whether it’s an admirable trait you may have, such as the ability to make friends easily, or how you look, what you have, or even the ability to be happy, haters want to take it all from you because they don’t have it and don’t think they can ever get it.

5. Your good qualities are a threat to them- In other words, you make them look bad. You cause them to compare themselves with you and see you as competition. And if they ever feel like you’re winning over them, look out!

Therefore, realize that you aren’t at fault here. It was nothing you said or did to ruffle their feathers and there’s nothing wrong with you. You are enough. In fact, you are awesome! Your haters only say otherwise to mess with your mind and throw you off balance. Don’t let them do that to you!

Haters can stress you out, yes. But they can also motivate you. So, be your best self and keep your haters blabbing. Think about it. Your haters are the ones who keep you relevant.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

If They Can’t Manipulate You, They’ll Label You as Crazy

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Businessman with wind up key on his back sitting on chair and using laptop computer on city background. Manipulation concept

It’s the oldest and most used tactic in the book! My classmates were no different. Bullies will always come back at you with the “crazy” or “mentally imbalanced” label to discredit you and control how others see you when you don’t let them have their way and they can’t find anything else to pin on you.

It only goes to show that they see you as a threat and they’re both desperate and afraid. When you refuse to be manipulated, it sends several messages to your bullies- messages that threaten their sense of superiority, positions, and their power.

  1. It tells them that you see through their smokescreens.
  2. It tells them that you’re not afraid to tell them to go kick rocks.
  3. It tells them the opposite of what they think of you- that you’re strong and intelligent, not weak and dumb.
  4. It puts them in their place.
  5. It tells them that they can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do.
  6. It tells them that you don’t give a crap about what they say or think about you.
  7. It tells them you could care less about impressing them.
  8. It tells them they don’t matter to you and that you don’t value their insults or do you accept their definitions of you.

Understand that bullies have an over-inflated sense of their own importance and thus, feel entitled. They despise being told no and they loathe anyone who will not be controlled. And if they can’t manipulate you, they’ll manipulate your relationships, and the way others perceive you.

Always remember that.