Month: December 2021

Remembering The Loved, Lost, and Hurting As We Look Ahead to 2022

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2021 has been a blessed year for some- I’m one of them and I couldn’t be more grateful.

However, I also think of those who haven’t been as fortunate- people who have lost jobs, careers, livelihoods, freedoms, and saddest of all, loved ones.

If the last two years have taught us anything, it’s that we should never take anything for granted because everything can change in a New York minute and we should be thankful for the blessings The Lord has given.

To all the people who are struggling mentally or financially, enduring sickness and poor health, hurting, lonely, heartbroken, and missing a loved one, know that you’re in our thoughts and prayers. We pray that the new year will bring you love, health, peace, and prosperity.

Take nothing for granted, but remain hopeful! Believe that things can and will get better.

We continue to look forward to much brighter days ahead- that 2022 will bring the end of the pandemic, that the hurting will be given peace, that those who struggle will be given rest, and that peace, unity, and prosperity will be yours to enjoy and be thankful to God for during the new year.

The Chateau’s Top 10 Posts of 2021

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2021 was a year of highs, lows, twists, turns, hills, and valleys but a great year nonetheless. I would like to thank each and every one of my readers, followers, blogger friends, and supporters for all your love, encouragement, and support. For this blog is nothing without you.

I wish you all a very happy and prosperous 2022. May the new year bring you all peace, love, success, and adventure!

Here are the Chateau’s 10 most read articles of 2021:

The Day the Laughter Died (In Memory of Robin Williams)

https://authorcheriewhite.com/2021/08/23/the-dirty-dozen-12-types-of-people-you-should-avoid/

https://authorcheriewhite.com/2021/09/19/never-apologize-for-being-different/

How to Distinguish Between Being Alone and Being Lonely

10 Reasons Why You Absolutely Must Love Yourself

Never Expect Everyone to Like You

5 Things That Happen to Survivors of Bullying Who Never Heal from Bullying and Abuse

Ways Bullying Stunts a Target’s Social Development

A Detailed, Step-by-Step Description of Mobbing in Progress

https://authorcheriewhite.com/2021/12/02/when-you-have-boundaries-be-prepared-for-others-especially-bullies-to-accuse-you-of-having-an-attitude/

If you are a target of bullying, know that the new year can bring new possibilities your way. Believe in yourself. Believe in love. You never know when the sun will finally come out!

Judging Others for Past Mistakes is Counterproductive. But Are Bullies Unaware of It or Do They Really Care?

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We’re all human and we will make mistakes. Most of us eventually learn from those mistakes and became better people. We realize our mistake and move on, or we try to, but others make it difficult to move on. Understand that there will be those who judge you on your past mistakes and who will flat refuse to let you live it down. Bullies and their followers are such people.

Granted, some people don’t think about the fact that lashing out at others for their past mistakes doesn’t necessarily make them do better but only alienates, angers, and upsets them. However, if you’re a target of bullying, I want you to realize that bullies already know these things. Oh, trust me- they do know it. Only they don’t care about alienating you because they see you as inferior.

Therefore, the reason why they judge and harp on you is so that they can feel superior to you. Bullies have an insatiable and unsatisfied need to feel superior to their targets and your mistake is just the fodder they need to get that addictive power rush they crave and can’t get enough of.

People who aren’t bullies understand that some of us are so sensitive that, if we find out we upset, hurt or offended someone, even by accident, we automatically punish ourselves more than anyone else ever could. But bullies and their followers, on the other hand, don’t care. In fact, they want you to punish yourself and they want to help you along in doing so because no amount of pain you feel will ever be enough for them and no amount of power, they lord over you will satisfy them.

Bullies know that to have others bear down on you and refusing to accept an apology is terrifying for targets. That’s one reason targets tend to over apologize.

But understand that no matter what mistakes you’ve made, even intentional mistakes can be forgiven. There have been reports of ex-gang members who have changed their ways and changed the way they think. There have been countless ex-convicts who have turned their lives around and helped to rehabilitate others living those lifestyles. They have saved and changed the lives of countless children who were headed for the penitentiary or the grave!

So, if they can redeem themselves and be an asset to the lives of others, don’t you think that you have an equal chance of doing that too?

Now, were they bad people for what they were doing at the time? Absolutely.

However, if people are willing to learn, to change, and to become better people, then they deserve forgiveness. They deserve a second chance, and we should give it to them, or at least make a conscious effort to.

And therefore you shouldn’t feel inferior to bullies who bring up your past mistakes. Realize that they’re the inferior ones for being so petty.

If you are a bully and you get off on punishing people for simple slips. You will drive more people to suffering from excessive guilt, depression, anxiety and may even push those vulnerable to taking their own lives. And if they’re survivors like me and have a healthy and solid sense of self they’ve worked damn hard to rebuild, they’ll only tell you to take a long walk off a short pier and keep moving. I can guarantee that you’ll only end up getting your feelings hurt.

And if you’re a target of such people, I want you to know that I’m behind you one hundred percent and that you don’t have to tolerate this garbage. And the bullies who bring up your past mistakes? They just might be projecting or distracting because they have a few skeletons rattling around in their own closets.

But this happens all the time. Especially social media where groups of unknown, faceless cowards can jump on the bandwagon and tear into some poor sucker for a screw up from twenty or thirty years ago.

Remember that most bullies have a lot of social prowess. Therefore, it’s safe to say that they know but just don’t give a fat rat’s patootie because their only aim is to make you feel inferior and themselves superior.

And knowing this makes it much easier to know how to respond to these kinds of games. So, respond accordingly.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

1 Way Bullies Eventually Meet Their Karma

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They not concerned with facts, only the excitement that the rumors and lies create and the close bonding it brings their group.

Understand that your bullies already know the truth. Oh, yes! They know that you aren’t what they say you are. And they know that they’re lying through their teeth. That’s the sad part. Maybe it’s the reason they stay so angry at you all the time. They hate you because your truth contradicts their lies.

Bullies know that you’re better than what they try to make you out to be. But, here’s the thing.

The truth doesn’t fit their narratives, nor their agenda. So, they’ll become desperate and go out of their way to make the falsehoods look true. Realize that the bullies are benefiting from the ruination of your reputation. And they’ll move Heaven and Earth to keep those benefits.

Your bullies are the ones that have to work so doggone hard because it takes a ton of work to cover up lies and half-truths. Lies tend to have a never-ending chain. They tell the first lie and have to put out a second lie to cover up the first. Then they must lie a third time to cover up the first two lies about you. And on and on it goes. It’s a never-ending chain.

Lies have a way of building and they build so much that it soon becomes hard for the bullies to keep their stories straight. I mean, seriously! After so long and so many lies, who can keep up with all that? They eventually lie themselves into a crack they can’t pull themselves out of.

If you stay calm and play your hand correctly, your bullies will eventually spin themselves into their own web and get stuck in it. So, sit back and watch them fall into the trap of their own making. Even better have lots of pun- oops- fun watching the show!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The Voodoo That You Do

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You do the Voodoo that you do

Other people you hoodoo

And happiness you poo-poo

We all say screw you

Like a pesky fly, we shew you

You say you’re a guru

You’re so full of doodoo

You’re really just coo-coo

Choosing me was your first boo-boo

‘Cause I see the voodoo that you do 

Bullies with Anger Issues

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Many bullies have anger issues. If you’re a target of these types of bullies, I want to warn you that things can get dangerous very quickly. These overly aggressive bullies will make you pay dearly when you don’t bow down and let them have their way with you. And they usually come back at you with explosive outbursts of rage, vicious cursing, and name-calling.

This kind of person is like a petulant child throwing a temper tantrum. Bullies of this caliber will:

1.turn red-faced, curse and scream at you to the top of their lungs,

2. call you the vilest names

3. hurl objects at you from across the room.

4. destroy your personal property

Retro Emoji rage anger boiling woman face pop art retro style

Many of my classmates were these types- people who had only reached a two-year-old’s maturity level and stopped there. It seemed that when I wouldn’t be their puppet, they’d get physical and try to beat me into submission.

Understand that these kinds of bullies can’t ask for what they want respectfully because, if they do, they’ll only be giving you the freedom to say no. They would give you a chance to cut those puppet strings. Then where would that leave them?

It would leave them without a target.

Some of them will threaten you with:

1. “If you don’t do this, I’ll kick your a**.”

2. “If you say that, I’ll beat the sh** out of you.”

And some may not. But! You know the threat is there because these bullies will give you that threatening look or they loom just a little too close to intimidate you. Their body language speaks for them. Their nostrils will flair like a bull getting ready to charge, or they face you with a threatening stance while clenching their fists. They are the classic bullies.

Realize that overly aggressive bullies are so afraid of losing control of you. They react with rage if you don’t comply or take the abuse.

As I type this, I think about one bully, in particular, I’ll call her Kitty.

If there’s one thing I remember about her, it’s her volatile temper. During the eighth grade, I remember standing in the lunch line, and Kitty shoving me from behind and screaming at me to move. She pushed me so hard that she almost knocked me to the floor.

I don’t know what came over me that day, but people had bullied me for a few years, and I finally got fed up. I shouted back, telling her to keep away from me and not to ever put her hands on me again. Suddenly, her eyes flashed, and she grabbed a steak knife from the utensil section. Back then, schools used real silverware, not plastic cutlery. And she lunged at me with it.

To this day, I can still remember the white-knuckled grip she had on the potential weapon. Luckily, the principal and several male teachers grabbed and restrained her before she could attack. And mind you, Kitty was a huge 200+ pound, and close to six feet tall gargantuan. I was only, maybe, 110-120 lbs and five foot three or four. So, she could’ve done considerable damage without the knife. Lord knows what she would’ve done with it.

Then, there was the incident in the principal’s office after she’d tried to attack me in the classroom when she went berserk and grabbed the principal’s nameplate off his desk and charged me with it. Luckily, the principal and another teacher restrained her.

So, I want to warn you that, yes, such people exist and they’re dangerous. It’s best to avoid these types of bullies if possible. However, understand that overly-aggressive bullies are the type who will also hunt you down if you’re not available.

Kitty was that type. You couldn’t avoid her for long.

If a bully tracks you down, I can only tell you this. If the school won’t punish these crazies, the best thing to do is document the bullying and keep a journal of it, using the 5W rule. You should also contact the police and get a restraining order against these kinds of bullies. In doing these things, you establish records of past abuse, and these records can serve as evidence in court in the event the person maims you, or worse. You may also need to transfer schools to ensure your safety.

Do everything you can to take care of yourself and stay safe.

When Bullies Discount The Target’s Pain and Suffering: The Subtext of It

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Bullies are notorious for abusing their targets, then turning around and discounting their normal, understandable, and justifiable sadness, fear, anger, and depression that result as a direct cause.

But understand the subtext of your bullies’ actions and discounting of your pain-

“Your feelings mean nothing.”

“Your pain and suffering aren’t real and don’t matter.”

“You’re not allowed to be sad, angry, scared, or depressed when we abuse you.”

When bullies discount your pain and suffering, they may make statements such as:

“You’re too sensitive.”

“You’re such a crybaby.”

“Can’t you take a joke?”

“You’re jumping to conclusions.”

“You’re blowing everything out of proportion.”

“You’re always on the defensive.”

“You’re taking stuff too seriously.”

“It’s only in your imagination.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You’re always trying to start something.”

“You’re making a mountain out of a molehill.”

…and the list goes on

The target may wonder why it is that he’s always in the wrong when he doesn’t mean to be. Understand that this is victim-blaming. And the bullies must blame you to keep from having to take responsibility for their behavior.

If nothing else, remember this:

You always know when something doesn’t feel good. So never doubt what you feel. Never second guess what you feel in your gut. Always listen to that jab in the pit of your stomach because your body never lies.

Then respond accordingly.

Infiltration

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Some people are infiltrators

Who are only instigators

Masquerading as friends

They’ve got dirty hands

With evil intentions

To get your attention

And get close enough to you

To do their voodoo

Bullying and Bias Go Hand in Hand

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Humans tend to be selective of those who are more like them because sameness brings comfort and security. We can choose who to date, who to be friends with, hang out with, and with whom to do business. We choose who we choose.

I can agree that we have the right to choose the people we associate with. What we don’t have the right to do is mistreat, dehumanize, and demonize the people we don’t choose. Although we may not like certain people, we should respect their right to human dignity and to exist. We should let them go on with their lives and pursue their happiness, goals, and dreams, rather than try to hold them back just because they’re different from us.

Though we may not like a person, we must know that that person is due the same human rights. And where we go wrong is when we regard anyone different from us, “the enemy,” solely on their differences and not because of any actions they’ve done against us.

In deeming someone an enemy without just cause, we force them to become our enemy by the abuse we commit against them. Our offense justifies their defense. We make them an adversary by provoking them to fight back and defend themselves.

Biases can cause a kind of tunnel vision in that we can’t see outside our comfort zones. Sameness and familiarity may make people more comfortable and give certainty and security, but, on the downside, it causes narrow-mindedness and short-sightedness. It produces blind spots, and the more biased we are, the more we miss, or rather, reject information that may broaden our horizons and make us better and more informed people. In short, it promotes blindness to the world around us.

It’s like living in a small town all your life and never venturing outside the city limits. There’s so much you miss because there’s a much bigger world outside that small town.

It’s the same with selecting the same types of people to be in your life- people who look like you, think like you and act like you. You cheat yourself out of meeting many people who are also great and exciting. You miss out on people you could learn from and who would otherwise be significant assets to your life- people who would otherwise be great friends and add love and positivity to your life.

After all, “variety is the spice of life.” Right?

On the other hand, when you base your biases only on character and open yourself up to people who are different from you, you open yourself up to a much wider world. You broaden your outlook, widen your vision, and open yourself up to a broader range of ideas that might add benefit to your life.

With knowledge comes empowerment.

Secrets to Having Charisma

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It’s true that your reputation and how people talk about and think of you when you’re gone is perceived to be your most valuable worldly asset. It’s the sum total of the impression you make and first impressions are everything- they set the stage for your future in many areas.

With charisma, you’re more successful- you have more positive relationships with others, you make more money, you get more and faster promotions, get more sales, and win more negotiations and debates. You have more influence and you’re more persuasive with the people you meet. Now, who doesn’t love that!

Charisma means that you’re living in the moment with people. You’re focused on them, interested in them, like them more- and people have a natural desire to be liked. With charisma, you don’t care whether they like you, but you want to like them.

You can have all the good looks, all the fancy clothes, cars, and money but all that is nothing without that je ne sais quoi- that something that’s so much more powerful- that is, charisma!

Charisma is that alluring, magnetic quality that draws people in like bees to honey.

It’s true that some are just born with charisma. They have that coveted quality that goes way beyond having a pretty face or and banging body. These people have the ability to create rapport that mesmerizes people and makes them feel special. They have that super-power that makes others respond to them positively and instinctively.

Years ago, when I was being bullied so horrifically, people would tell me that you either have the ability to schmooze successfully, or you don’t- that you’re either born with charisma or you were just tough out of luck and had to make-do without it.

Thankfully, we now know that charisma and the ability to schmooze successfully can be taught, learned, and harnessed.

Charisma is an art, a craft, and you must perfect it. And you perfect it by practicing the charisma-skills you’ve learned on your family and closest friends, then work your way outward to the people you meet each day.

You must read, study, and be able to identify the behaviors charismatic people use. Here are the characteristics of charismatic people.

  1. Charismatic people enjoy giving others a positive experience.
  2. Charismatic people understand how to make people feel great about themselves. So, they make them feel special and important.

The benefits of being charismatic:

  1. You get listened to.
  2. You get extra chances.
  3. You get opportunities others don’t.
  4. You’re forgiven for things others are crucified for (bullies are very charismatic, but their charisma is fake.)
  5. You get filled in on secrets others don’t
  6. People make excuses for you, go out of their way for you, bend over backwards for you, and give you the benefit of a doubt.
  7. You sweep people off their feet- especially potential partners.

Here’s what charismatic people do:

  1. They seem to like you…a lot!
  2. They seem to value your opinions and beliefs
  3. They seem to give you all their attention and no one else. They have a way of making it feel like it’s only the two of you in a room even if the room is crowded.
  4. They make it seem as if you’re the most important person in the room.
  5. They make you feel like a million bucks.
  6. They make you feel great about yourself.

Understand that this kind of power is unlimited. So, nurture it, cultivate it, and exploit it! If you want to make your bullies look like the devils they are and give them the proverbial slap in the face by reaching imaginable heights, do everything you can to develop your charisma.

Becoming charismatic, persuasive, and admirable can be a good offense against bullies.

If you can create that awesome feeling in others anywhere and at any time, you have a gift that’s priceless and the social rewards are limitless. With charisma, you have the keys to the kingdom!

With knowledge comes empowerment!