Remembering The Loved, Lost, and Hurting As We Look Ahead to 2022

2021 has been a blessed year for some- I’m one of them and I couldn’t be more grateful.

However, I also think of those who haven’t been as fortunate- people who have lost jobs, careers, livelihoods, freedoms, and saddest of all, loved ones.

If the last two years have taught us anything, it’s that we should never take anything for granted because everything can change in a New York minute and we should be thankful for the blessings The Lord has given.

To all the people who are struggling mentally or financially, enduring sickness and poor health, hurting, lonely, heartbroken, and missing a loved one, know that you’re in our thoughts and prayers. We pray that the new year will bring you love, health, peace, and prosperity.

Take nothing for granted, but remain hopeful! Believe that things can and will get better.

We continue to look forward to much brighter days ahead- that 2022 will bring the end of the pandemic, that the hurting will be given peace, that those who struggle will be given rest, and that peace, unity, and prosperity will be yours to enjoy and be thankful to God for during the new year.

The Chateau’s Top 10 Posts of 2021

2021 was a year of highs, lows, twists, turns, hills, and valleys but a great year nonetheless. I would like to thank each and every one of my readers, followers, blogger friends, and supporters for all your love, encouragement, and support. For this blog is nothing without you.

I wish you all a very happy and prosperous 2022. May the new year bring you all peace, love, success, and adventure!

Here are the Chateau’s 10 most read articles of 2021:

The Day the Laughter Died (In Memory of Robin Williams)

The Dirty Dozen: 12 Types of People You Should Avoid

Never Apologize for Being Different

How to Distinguish Between Being Alone and Being Lonely

10 Reasons Why You Absolutely Must Love Yourself

Never Expect Everyone to Like You

5 Things That Happen to Survivors of Bullying Who Never Heal from Bullying and Abuse

Ways Bullying Stunts a Target’s Social Development

A Detailed, Step-by-Step Description of Mobbing in Progress

When You Have Boundaries, Be Prepared for Others, Especially Bullies, to Accuse You of Having “An Attitude.”

If you are a target of bullying, know that the new year can bring new possibilities your way. Believe in yourself. Believe in love. You never know when the sun will finally come out!

Judging Others for Past Mistakes is Counterproductive. But Are Bullies Unaware of It or Do They Really Care?

We’re all human and we will make mistakes. Most of us eventually learn from those mistakes and became better people. We realize our mistake and move on, or we try to, but others make it difficult to move on. Understand that there will be those who judge you on your past mistakes and who will flat refuse to let you live it down. Bullies and their followers are such people.

Granted, some people don’t think about the fact that lashing out at others for their past mistakes doesn’t necessarily make them do better but only alienates, angers, and upsets them. However, if you’re a target of bullying, I want you to realize that bullies already know these things. Oh, trust me- they do know it. Only they don’t care about alienating you because they see you as inferior.

Therefore, the reason why they judge and harp on you is so that they can feel superior to you. Bullies have an insatiable and unsatisfied need to feel superior to their targets and your mistake is just the fodder they need to get that addictive power rush they crave and can’t get enough of.

People who aren’t bullies understand that some of us are so sensitive that, if we find out we upset, hurt or offended someone, even by accident, we automatically punish ourselves more than anyone else ever could. But bullies and their followers, on the other hand, don’t care. In fact, they want you to punish yourself and they want to help you along in doing so because no amount of pain you feel will ever be enough for them and no amount of power, they lord over you will satisfy them.

Bullies know that to have others bear down on you and refusing to accept an apology is terrifying for targets. That’s one reason targets tend to over apologize.

But understand that no matter what mistakes you’ve made, even intentional mistakes can be forgiven. There have been reports of ex-gang members who have changed their ways and changed the way they think. There have been countless ex-convicts who have turned their lives around and helped to rehabilitate others living those lifestyles. They have saved and changed the lives of countless children who were headed for the penitentiary or the grave!

So, if they can redeem themselves and be an asset to the lives of others, don’t you think that you have an equal chance of doing that too?

Now, were they bad people for what they were doing at the time? Absolutely.

However, if people are willing to learn, to change, and to become better people, then they deserve forgiveness. They deserve a second chance, and we should give it to them, or at least make a conscious effort to.

And therefore you shouldn’t feel inferior to bullies who bring up your past mistakes. Realize that they’re the inferior ones for being so petty.

If you are a bully and you get off on punishing people for simple slips. You will drive more people to suffering from excessive guilt, depression, anxiety and may even push those vulnerable to taking their own lives. And if they’re survivors like me and have a healthy and solid sense of self they’ve worked damn hard to rebuild, they’ll only tell you to take a long walk off a short pier and keep moving. I can guarantee that you’ll only end up getting your feelings hurt.

And if you’re a target of such people, I want you to know that I’m behind you one hundred percent and that you don’t have to tolerate this garbage. And the bullies who bring up your past mistakes? They just might be projecting or distracting because they have a few skeletons rattling around in their own closets.

But this happens all the time. Especially social media where groups of unknown, faceless cowards can jump on the bandwagon and tear into some poor sucker for a screw up from twenty or thirty years ago.

Remember that most bullies have a lot of social prowess. Therefore, it’s safe to say that they know but just don’t give a fat rat’s patootie because their only aim is to make you feel inferior and themselves superior.

And knowing this makes it much easier to know how to respond to these kinds of games. So, respond accordingly.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

1 Way Bullies Eventually Meet Their Karma

They not concerned with facts, only the excitement that the rumors and lies create and the close bonding it brings their group.

Understand that your bullies already know the truth. Oh, yes! They know that you aren’t what they say you are. And they know that they’re lying through their teeth. That’s the sad part. Maybe it’s the reason they stay so angry at you all the time. They hate you because your truth contradicts their lies.

Bullies know that you’re better than what they try to make you out to be. But, here’s the thing.

The truth doesn’t fit their narratives, nor their agenda. So, they’ll become desperate and go out of their way to make the falsehoods look true. Realize that the bullies are benefiting from the ruination of your reputation. And they’ll move Heaven and Earth to keep those benefits.

Your bullies are the ones that have to work so doggone hard because it takes a ton of work to cover up lies and half-truths. Lies tend to have a never-ending chain. They tell the first lie and have to put out a second lie to cover up the first. Then they must lie a third time to cover up the first two lies about you. And on and on it goes. It’s a never-ending chain.

Lies have a way of building and they build so much that it soon becomes hard for the bullies to keep their stories straight. I mean, seriously! After so long and so many lies, who can keep up with all that? They eventually lie themselves into a crack they can’t pull themselves out of.

If you stay calm and play your hand correctly, your bullies will eventually spin themselves into their own web and get stuck in it. So, sit back and watch them fall into the trap of their own making. Even better have lots of pun- oops- fun watching the show!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The Voodoo That You Do

You do the Voodoo that you do

Other people you hoodoo

And happiness you poo-poo

We all say screw you

Like a pesky fly, we shew you

You say you’re a guru

You’re so full of doodoo

You’re really just coo-coo

Choosing me was your first boo-boo

‘Cause I see the voodoo that you do 

Bullies with Anger Issues

Many bullies have anger issues. If you’re a target of these types of bullies, I want to warn you that things can get dangerous very quickly. These overly aggressive bullies will make you pay dearly when you don’t bow down and let them have their way with you. And they usually come back at you with explosive outbursts of rage, vicious cursing, and name-calling.

This kind of person is like a petulant child throwing a temper tantrum. Bullies of this caliber will:

1.turn red-faced, curse and scream at you to the top of their lungs,

2. call you the vilest names

3. hurl objects at you from across the room.

4. destroy your personal property

Retro Emoji rage anger boiling woman face pop art retro style

Many of my classmates were these types- people who had only reached a two-year-old’s maturity level and stopped there. It seemed that when I wouldn’t be their puppet, they’d get physical and try to beat me into submission.

Understand that these kinds of bullies can’t ask for what they want respectfully because, if they do, they’ll only be giving you the freedom to say no. They would give you a chance to cut those puppet strings. Then where would that leave them?

It would leave them without a target.

Some of them will threaten you with:

1. “If you don’t do this, I’ll kick your a**.”

2. “If you say that, I’ll beat the sh** out of you.”

And some may not. But! You know the threat is there because these bullies will give you that threatening look or they loom just a little too close to intimidate you. Their body language speaks for them. Their nostrils will flair like a bull getting ready to charge, or they face you with a threatening stance while clenching their fists. They are the classic bullies.

Realize that overly aggressive bullies are so afraid of losing control of you. They react with rage if you don’t comply or take the abuse.

As I type this, I think about one bully, in particular, I’ll call her Kitty.

If there’s one thing I remember about her, it’s her volatile temper. During the eighth grade, I remember standing in the lunch line, and Kitty shoving me from behind and screaming at me to move. She pushed me so hard that she almost knocked me to the floor.

I don’t know what came over me that day, but people had bullied me for a few years, and I finally got fed up. I shouted back, telling her to keep away from me and not to ever put her hands on me again. Suddenly, her eyes flashed, and she grabbed a steak knife from the utensil section. Back then, schools used real silverware, not plastic cutlery. And she lunged at me with it.

To this day, I can still remember the white-knuckled grip she had on the potential weapon. Luckily, the principal and several male teachers grabbed and restrained her before she could attack. And mind you, Kitty was a huge 200+ pound, and close to six feet tall gargantuan. I was only, maybe, 110-120 lbs and five foot three or four. So, she could’ve done considerable damage without the knife. Lord knows what she would’ve done with it.

Then, there was the incident in the principal’s office after she’d tried to attack me in the classroom when she went berserk and grabbed the principal’s nameplate off his desk and charged me with it. Luckily, the principal and another teacher restrained her.

So, I want to warn you that, yes, such people exist and they’re dangerous. It’s best to avoid these types of bullies if possible. However, understand that overly-aggressive bullies are the type who will also hunt you down if you’re not available.

Kitty was that type. You couldn’t avoid her for long.

If a bully tracks you down, I can only tell you this. If the school won’t punish these crazies, the best thing to do is document the bullying and keep a journal of it, using the 5W rule. You should also contact the police and get a restraining order against these kinds of bullies. In doing these things, you establish records of past abuse, and these records can serve as evidence in court in the event the person maims you, or worse. You may also need to transfer schools to ensure your safety.

Do everything you can to take care of yourself and stay safe.

When Bullies Discount The Target’s Pain and Suffering: The Subtext of It

Bullies are notorious for abusing their targets, then turning around and discounting their normal, understandable, and justifiable sadness, fear, anger, and depression that result as a direct cause.

But understand the subtext of your bullies’ actions and discounting of your pain-

“Your feelings mean nothing.”

“Your pain and suffering aren’t real and don’t matter.”

“You’re not allowed to be sad, angry, scared, or depressed when we abuse you.”

When bullies discount your pain and suffering, they may make statements such as:

“You’re too sensitive.”

“You’re such a crybaby.”

“Can’t you take a joke?”

“You’re jumping to conclusions.”

“You’re blowing everything out of proportion.”

“You’re always on the defensive.”

“You’re taking stuff too seriously.”

“It’s only in your imagination.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You’re always trying to start something.”

“You’re making a mountain out of a molehill.”

…and the list goes on

The target may wonder why it is that he’s always in the wrong when he doesn’t mean to be. Understand that this is victim-blaming. And the bullies must blame you to keep from having to take responsibility for their behavior.

If nothing else, remember this:

You always know when something doesn’t feel good. So never doubt what you feel. Never second guess what you feel in your gut. Always listen to that jab in the pit of your stomach because your body never lies.

Then respond accordingly.


Some people are infiltrators

Who are only instigators

Masquerading as friends

They’ve got dirty hands

With evil intentions

To get your attention

And get close enough to you

To do their voodoo

You Can’t Be a People-Pleaser and Be Happy at The Same Time

The road to happiness starts with being yourself. That means being true to your feelings, beliefs, opinions, convictions, and tastes. It also means making your own decisions and living life on your own terms. Otherwise, you’ll never be happy.

Anytime you try to fit in and be liked, you suppress yourself and your own needs and desires. You bury your true nature and stuff down your true emotions and become a robot!

You’ll jump through hoops to win the approval of others- you’ll comform to impossible expectations, put up with shabby treatment, and run yourself ragged putting everyone else’s needs before your own. In essence, you consistently shape-shift until you bend yourself in a pretzel!

To put it bluntly, you kiss arse, eat sh*t, lick boots, and become everybody’s stooge. And for what? Just to be liked?

Businessman with wind up key on his back sitting on chair and using laptop computer on city background. Manipulation concept

Forget that!

Sadly,  today’s culture dictates that you be who others, especially those in power, want you to be rather than who you are. In today’s society, to be natural equals being anti-social. It means to risk being an outcast and that’s scary for many because most people have been programmed to suppress their true selves in order to fit in and be liked and it’s the same people who expect you to follow suit.

These people think that life and the world is one big popularity contest and it isn’t. This is why we have so many who are depressed because bullies and abusers have prevented them from expressing their true emotions, their true nature, and therefore, from being their true, authentic selves.

Understand that society has programmed the majority of us to adopt values and beliefs we don’t really hold, follow social rules we really don’t agree with, and basically hate who we really are. So, we hide behind a mask of fakery.

But! Sooner or later, that mask will slip off, as it is surely bound to do. Then what?

The reality is that no one can put on an act forever- eventually our true nature begins to seep through. Then what happens?

People then see us for the frauds we were and we get shunned and ridiculed anyway. The very thing we fear and have been running from finally catches up with us.

So, why not be yourself from the start? We may be ridiculed for it but, at least, we won’t be so because we were found to be fake and living a lie. If I’m going to be made fun of anyway, I’ll be so for being me and living my truth. And I’ll do it free of depression and excess stress.

Sadly, this is something most don’t think about, which is why so many people instead hide behind a fake facade.

For example, many seek approval by showing off, doing dangerous stunts to impress an audience and end up getting seriously hurt.

If you’ve ever watched the TV show, “World’s Dumbest Partiers,” you then know what I’m talking about.

Do you remember several years back, when people were filming themselves on YouTube, Facebook, and other apps, eating Tide Pods, or participating in The Knock-Out Game? These are other examples.

It’s pathetic the lengths people will go to get attention and win the admiration of others- even people they don’t know or even like!

Realize that you don’t have to go to these extremes to be well thought of. And the people who do are only insecure wusses who’s only life purpose is to get attention and be thought of as cool.

What isn’t so cool is the many injuries and trips to the emergency room- the broken bones, the paralysis, and the deaths that result from this stupidity.

Think about this: If you end up in a wheelchair for the rest of your life because you did something stupid while trying to prove something, do you really think these so-called friends and admirers will continue to stick around?

How cool and admired will you be if you end up permanently disabled to such an extent that you can’t even go to the bathroom on your own, or worse- wipe your own behind?

Its sad that people continue to engage in risky behaviors to get the psychological benefits of attention, approval, and admiration. And they do it because they feel empty inside and are trying to fill a void.

Trying to please or impress others gets you nowhere because to do so means that you must ignore yourself and put your own wants and needs on the back burner. In many cases, it means putting your health and even your life in peril. All because you’re living a lie.

Bullies often called me chicken when I’d refuse them any time they told me to do something that had the potential to cause me injury. But I’d rather be a chicken than a turkey. And my refusal only ensured my safety.

Understand that you don’t have to do any of these things to be liked or considered cool. And if others can’t accept you as you are, then perhaps you’re keeping the wrong company and need to find better people- people who celebrate you as the unique, awesome, incredible, and amazing person you truly are.

Be yourself. Moreover, just be.

Know that you’re enough. Better yet, you’re awesome just the way you are. Accept yourself. Believe in yourself. Love yourself and all your quirks and imperfections, for we all have them.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullying and Bias Go Hand in Hand

Humans tend to be selective of those who are more like them because sameness brings comfort and security. We can choose who to date, who to be friends with, hang out with, and with whom to do business. We choose who we choose.

I can agree that we have the right to choose the people we associate with. What we don’t have the right to do is mistreat, dehumanize, and demonize the people we don’t choose. Although we may not like certain people, we should respect their right to human dignity and to exist. We should let them go on with their lives and pursue their happiness, goals, and dreams, rather than try to hold them back just because they’re different from us.

Though we may not like a person, we must know that that person is due the same human rights. And where we go wrong is when we regard anyone different from us, “the enemy,” solely on their differences and not because of any actions they’ve done against us.

In deeming someone an enemy without just cause, we force them to become our enemy by the abuse we commit against them. Our offense justifies their defense. We make them an adversary by provoking them to fight back and defend themselves.

Biases can cause a kind of tunnel vision in that we can’t see outside our comfort zones. Sameness and familiarity may make people more comfortable and give certainty and security, but, on the downside, it causes narrow-mindedness and short-sightedness. It produces blind spots, and the more biased we are, the more we miss, or rather, reject information that may broaden our horizons and make us better and more informed people. In short, it promotes blindness to the world around us.

It’s like living in a small town all your life and never venturing outside the city limits. There’s so much you miss because there’s a much bigger world outside that small town.

It’s the same with selecting the same types of people to be in your life- people who look like you, think like you and act like you. You cheat yourself out of meeting many people who are also great and exciting. You miss out on people you could learn from and who would otherwise be significant assets to your life- people who would otherwise be great friends and add love and positivity to your life.

After all, “variety is the spice of life.” Right?

On the other hand, when you base your biases only on character and open yourself up to people who are different from you, you open yourself up to a much wider world. You broaden your outlook, widen your vision, and open yourself up to a broader range of ideas that might add benefit to your life.

With knowledge comes empowerment.