Month: October 2023

4 Reasons Bullies Bring up Your Past

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If you are a target of bullying, have you ever noticed that bullies always seem to bring up your past? A past mistake? A record of some kind, such as a police record of vandalism you might have committed when you were seventeen. Maybe you got drunk at a frat party and did a table dance while stripping down to your underwear. Whatever the faux pas might have been, people sure seem to love throwing it in your face.

However, I want you to realize that they do this for several reasons. And if you knew those reasons, you just might end up feeling so much better about yourself.

Therefore, here are 4 reasons bullies bring up your past:

1. Your bullies do it out of jealousy.

A jealous person feels threatened by your good qualities and accomplishments. Your bullies may resent an accomplishment. Also, they could envy a characteristic you’ve recently developed. Maybe you’re becoming more confident lately and they’re jealousy of your confident attitude. You’ve brought your grades up and begun making straight A’s. Or you’ve won that coveted promotion at work. It could be that you’ve gotten an outstanding paying job with one of the top paying companies in town. Nevertheless, they see that you’re evolving and it threatens their power.

Understand that anytime you accomplish something, no matter how small, you will attract a mountain of jealousy your way. However, the best thing to do is to let them go ahead and act out. Realize that they’re doing it out of raw emotion and chances are, they’ll make total fools of themselves.

In other words, when a bully acts out of jealousy, he is unwittingly admitting to you and the other people around him that he feels inferior to you. Remember the quote by Napoleon Bonaparte, “Never interfere with an enemy in the process of destroying himself.

2. Your past is just that – the past.

Realize that we all have pasts, some good and others not so pleasant. We’ve all made mistakes and will continue to make them. There is nothing you can do about the past. What’s done is done and it’s time to forgive yourself and move on. Even if you have others who constantly remind you of the “old you”, you must keep in mind that you’ve changed for the better and that person doesn’t exist anymore.

Moreover, here’s something else to keep in mind. Several celebrities had rough pasts before they became famous. Some came from incarceration, others were addicts or came from poverty. Therefore, never be ashamed of your past. It doesn’t define you, nor does it determine what your future will be.

3. The bullies are getting desperate.

They’re desperate to find something terrible you’ve done or were involved in to sully your reputation. Understand that if they can’t find dirt on you, their next objective is to bring up your past.

4. Your past is the stepping-stone that got you to where you are now.

Whatever you might have done or gotten involved in during your past, you had to go through that phase of your life to get where you are now. It was only a stop along the road that lead you to the place you’re at today. So, don’t be ashamed of it. Be proud of how far you’ve come since.

So, don’t let that shake you. Do not let these people tear you down! Consequently, there are so many people who either live in regret of their pasts, or they let others make them feel bad by reminding them of it. These people can’t seem to move forward because something which happened years ago is holding them back.

Therefore, don’t be one of these people! Know that your past doesn’t determine your future. See this dirty tactic for what it is and see your bullies for who and what they are. They are only jealous and desperate people with low self-esteem and insecurity issues. And the only way they can feel better about themselves is to pee on your victories and bring you down to their level. Pathetic, isn’t it?

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies Can Hide In Plain Site

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If you’ve ever been a target of bullying, have you noticed how bullies, their followers, and cohorts consistently brag and boast to others and among themselves about how they abuse you. They gloat to anyone who will listen to them, and people seem to get personal entertainment from it. And they’re not afraid to do it right in front of you.

You’ll hear statements such as:

“I beat the breaks off that *****!”

“That little punk got owned!”

“We sure put that wimp in her place!”

“When we see him, we’re going to cut him down to size!”

“We sure shut her down when she tried to open her mouth, didn’t we?”

And they do it while laughing and high fiving one another. In doing this, they openly admit that you’re their target and that they abuse you.

Yet, if anyone outside their group brings it up and, especially if you do, they will sneer, ridicule, and do their due diligence to silence you? They even deny that it’s happening, or they try and justify themselves.

So, prepare to be gaslighted

Have you even wondered why these people do this- openly brag about the abuse they inflict on you, then turn around and, depending on the person bringing it up or the overall circumstances and environment, try to cover up the abuse?

It’s because this is the best way for the bullies to hide the abuse in plain sight and sadly, it works like a charm and it’s hard to combat. But don’t lose hope. Know that these types of people always get a little too cocky and then get stupid. They’ve been getting away with stuff for so long that they push a little further, a little further. They keep pushing until they finally push over the line and end up hanging themselves. And the best part is that you’ll get to see it!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Meet Your Bullies Where They Are

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“What does this mean?” You may ask. It means that you must speak to the bully in the only language they understand.

Put simpler, when a bully is in your face, they will go no holds barred and you can’t afford to be nice about it. There is no being polite. There is no way to handle a bully “nicely” because they will only see that as weakness and use it to their advantage. Also, there is no being quiet because a bully will take your silence as being afraid.

In other words, never try to handle a bully politely. Again, you must speak to the bully in the only language they understand. And what they don’t understand is nice and polite.

For example, the bully is in your personal space and they’re cursing you out. That’s when you put your hand out like a traffic cop. Then, you tell them in no uncertain terms to get the hell out of your face.

Sometimes, nice and polite doesn’t work

Understand that once you’ve done everything to try and defuse the situation peacefully and the bully keeps coming back, it’s time to get down and dirty. Remember that you’re in a battle and when you’re in a battle, there’s no time to hold back and try to be the bigger person. Because when it reaches this level, that’s when things can get dangerous fast.

You must be willing to go off on the bully and think nothing of it. You have to call them out and you can’t do it being nice. Sometimes you need to get nasty. There are times you must get just as dirty as they do and to hell with what anyone else thinks. You’re in a situation where you could get hurt and you must protect yourself by any means necessary but legal. And self-defense is legal.

Remember that the only rights you have are those you fight for.

This is not the time to be concerned with what people think

In school, I have classmates tell me, “You shouldn’t have cursed so-and-so out because you only stoop to their (the bullies’) level.” Really? However, it’s funny how they never said a word to the bully, who had me backed in a corner and was unloading on me and all of a sudden, I was the bad guy for using bad words.

Realize that when you’re forced to get just as nasty as a bully, there will be people who try to tell you the same thing. Instead of worrying about their reaction, always come back with, “Funny, you never said a word during all the times they were doing the same to me, so you have nothing to say about my behavior. Now, get lost!” And say it with conviction and without guilt.

“It’s not ladylike,” they say? Well, it’s not ladylike for the bully either. It goes both ways.

It’s about putting yourself before them

Tell them how you feel and what you think of them because you can’t be nice when you’re dealing with people who wish to harm you. You have to get funky with it! You must put your bitch-face on when things get hot. When some schmuck is in your face, nice and polite goes out the window.

And once they find out that you aren’t as weak as they thought, they just might back off and think twice before confronting you again.

Therefore, meet the bully where they are.

Let’s Face It. Life Isn’t Fair (Part 2)

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Continued from part 1…

Let’s face it. Life isn’t fair.

Moreover, when you whine and complain, you only focus on the problem and not a possible solution. This is why others don’t like, nor do they respect a complainer. If you need to get something off your chest, fine, but still, there is a time and place for it.

Throughout my life, I’ve known such chronic complainers, that complaining seemed to be the default mode for them. They even whined after they found a solution to their problem. “But it didn’t happen fast enough!” they might have said. To that, I wanted to say, “Hey, buddy! Nothing good comes quickly nor easily! Life’s tough! Get used to it!”

I’ve even known whiners who really didn’t want a solution to their problems. They just wanted to gripe, thinking it would get rid of all that pinned-up energy and make them feel better. Sadly, I was guilty of these things when I was young.

whining and complaining always comes from powerlessness!

But understand that complaining comes from weakness. It stems from feelings of powerlessness and a victim-mentality. People who do this are only taking out all their anger, bitterness, resentment, and frustration. Not that it’s necessarily a bad thing every once in a while. Even the most resilient vent every now and then. Everyone has times when they must blow off a little steam. However, when you do it every time something doesn’t go your way, or worse, you complain constantly, it becomes a problem.

The people around you will get sick of listening to it and after a while they will lose respect for you. Complaining also invites bullying to come your way because bullies will use it as a weapon against you. If you are a target of bullying, I want you to realize that whining about it, rather than taking action against it, will make you an even bigger target!

being a chronic complainer also stems from laziness and lack of personal responsibility.

Hey! I understand how you feel. You have every right to be angry. Being bullied sucks and it hurts. I get that. However, as I said earlier, complaining comes from powerlessness and weakness. Moreover, it comes from laziness and lack of personal responsibility. Complaining alone does nothing to solve the problem. You must also take action.

On the other hand, if you hear someone else constantly complaining and you’re an empath, it might be tempting to lend the person your ear. This is a bad idea because you’re not helping the person. You’re only enabling them to complain more and you’re setting yourself up to be their go-to person anytime they need to unload. As a result, the person won’t feel better. They’ll only drain your energy.

IF you’re a target of bullying, complaining without doing something about it will only alienate people who might otherwise help you.

Only victims complain, targets take action. You score more points by doing something about the bullying then you ever will by whining and complaining about it. When you’re a target of bullying and not a victim of it, you understand that life doesn’t have to be fair and that it isn’t. Also, you take action by standing up for yourself and/or reporting it. In that, you empower yourself and stand tall and strong.  If you have a problem, find solutions.

Instead of consistently whining and complaining, begin taking action. Empower yourself. Be your own hero!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Let’s face it. Life Isn’t Fair.

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It’s the truth. It never has been and never will be. Whether you’ve been mistreated and cheated, no one owes you anything. But you do owe it to yourself. And you have every right to pursue and achieve happiness and make a good life for yourself.

Let me repeat.

No one owes you anything. You owe it to yourself.

God deals each of us a hand of cards. Some people get a crappy hand and some, a lucky hand. However, the trick is to play the hand you’re dealt and to play it wisely. Some people are born poor, some middle-class, and others are born rich. Some are born with disabilities and others aren’t. One person may have access to certain things and another person may not.

It’s the luck of the draw. Nevertheless, you have the choice of whether to move up, stay where you are, or descend. In other words, if you don’t like where you are, you have the ability to move upward. It may take a while. A ton of hard work may be required. But if you want it bad enough, you will do what you must do to achieve it. Complaining only keeps you stuck!

Only you are responsible for your life

Understand that nobody can achieve anything for you. It’s your responsibility to get where you want to go. Each of us has our own lives to improve and each person is responsible for their own destiny. Governments may try, but they can never legislate blessings, luck, and chance. And they cannot legislate fairness.

You only have yourself to depend on and you should never depend on the government, your school, your parents, anyone else to improve your life. You must do it on your own by taking risks and doing the work required to reach your goals. On the other hand, anger and bitterness only get you nowhere and so do whining and complaining.

Today, I hear more and more whining, “it’s not fair.” I see them act out and throw tantrums, as if its going to get them somewhere. Understand that this is victim-mentality and those kinds of thought processes only serve to keep you down and out.

empower yourself by ditching the word, “fair”

People need to man-up (or woman-up) and accept that the world isn’t all unicorns, rainbows, fairies, and pixie dust. In short, the world isn’t fair. Sadly, I see many targets of bullying do this, and, though I hate to admit it, I did the same once upon a time.

So, take back your happiness by banishing the word, “fair” from your vocabulary and working toward your goals. Stop depending on other people and entities to get you what you want and I guarantee that you’ll instantly be empowered and much happier.

(I’m explain more in Part 2)