“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future and accepts you just the way you are.”
~ Unknown ~
Month: July 2021
Another Reason Not to Listen to Naysayers
A Short Reminder to Targets of Bullying
Anytime bullies escalate their abuse- anytime they increase their name calling and double their efforts to besmirch you, it only means they’re scared to death and desperate to contain the threat that you are to them. They see you as a threat to their perceived status and power.
Therefore, they feel they must double down on the abuse. What they don’t realize is that they only make themselves look desperate and pathetic. Their blatant repetition and redundancy is so telling. Bystanders and witnesses to their deplorable behavior might not say the quiet part out loud but trust me, they see it, and they think it.
And rest assured that the ones who take the bullies’ side already know who the good guy is, only they’ll never admit it because they’re too scared of becoming the next target.
Always remember that. You have more power than you know. Bask in it.
Today’s Quote
Girl sitting on the ground and drawing personal space. Selective focus
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others. We can’t base our own worthiness on others’ approval.”
~ Unknown ~
Anti-Bullying Anthem “Unpretty” by TLC
No Fear!
Counting My Blessings!
Do I have a perfect life? Of course not. But I know without a shadow of a doubt that I’ve been blessed in so many ways- more than I can count.
I have so much to be thankful for:
1.A wonderful family I cherish and a small circle of friends I adore.
2. A wonderful husband who loves, takes care of me, and who I love and take care of back.
3. I still have my health.
4. God allowed me to see another beautiful day.
5. We’ve been super-blessed during this pandemic.
6. My husband, children, and family are healthy.
7. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food to eat.
8. I’ve gotten to travel and see many awesome places.
9. I’ve gotten the chance to write and publish four books.
10. I’ve overcome bullying.
11. I have a sound mind.
12. I’ve lived to be 50 years old. Sadly, many people don’t make it this far.
There are so many more blessings I’m thankful for that I couldn’t possibly name them all. What are you thankful for today?
My Tribute to a Great Musician
Sadly, as most of us already know, Dusty Hill of ZZ Top passed away just the other day. I feel as if this is the end of an era. During the last few years, many great musicians have left this world- Tom Petty, Eddie Van Halen, and now, Dusty Hill.
Like writing, music was another thing that helped me survive bullying years ago. It was one of my escapes and I don’t know what I would’ve done without either one.
So, here’s my tribute to ZZ Top and to the music I’m so blessed to have grown up listening to!
RIP Dusty Hill!
Today’s Quote
“Two friends are always there in spirit”
~ L.M. Montgomery ~
Deep Appreciation to the People Who Love and Support You
Love the people in your life and love making them feel good about themselves and about their relationship with you. Spend as much time with them as possible. And know that, second to only God, they are more precious than gold.
Here’s What Being Bullied Taught Me
Although being bullied is no fun and can be damaging to the psyche, there are many lessons that can be learned from it. Here’s what it taught me.
1. The evils humans are capable of and their predatory nature. People can be the evilest and the cruelest of all living things. Not everyone is inherently good. Being bullied taught me to be on the lookout for those who would secretly wish to harm my loved ones or me. It taught me to watch for enemies disguised as friends and to pay close attention to body language, expressions, and any micro flashes. And it taught me exactly what signs in other people to watch for.
2. Empathy and Compassion. Being bullied taught me empathy and compassion for others. Because I know first hand what it is and how it feels to be a target of bullies, I make it a point to extend kindness, especially to people whom others have unjustly marginalized and misjudged. I believe in spreading the same goodness and dignity to the janitor as I would the CEO.
3. To never take anyone for granted. Because I know what it is to be rejected by everyone and to be left alone to fend for myself, I have nothing but appreciation for the people in my life and all the good they bring. I make it a point never to take my family and friends for granted, and I will fight to protect them if they’re being mistreated or are in trouble. I value loyalty, and I extend it to the people who matter to me. If you are a person I love and you tell me a secret, you can bet that your secret will be safe with me. And if anyone trash talks you, I’ll defend you even when you aren’t around to see it.
4. To value, love, and take care of myself. Because, let’s face it. No one else will. It’s so important to put yourself first. No matter what anyone thinks or says, be true to yourself. Be yourself. And don’t let bullies distort your self-esteem or tell you “it isn’t cool” if there’s something you really enjoy doing. Take care of yourself. Stand up for yourself. Do what fulfills you and makes you happy. And forget the rest. Confidence and self-love are the most important things you can have.
5. To go after my goals and dreams. If there’s anything I want in life, I go after it. I work hard for what I want because I’ve gotten enough of what I don’t. Being bullied gave me the tenacity to reach my goals and dreams. And I’ve made several accomplishments- accomplishments I probably never would’ve made had I not been a target of bullying. Bullies only fuel my motivation to reach more successes and live a happy life. So, instead of holding grudges against your bullies, use them as your drive to reach heights you never thought possible! Because happiness and success are the best revenge you can ever take.
6. To never be afraid to say “no” or set boundaries. I learned the hard way that if you don’t say no nor set boundaries, people will walk all over you. And sometimes, even if you do, there will be those who will double down and challenge those boundaries. But you must stay firm no matter what. You might be retaliated against for it, but at least you’ll feel better later, in knowing that you stood up for yourself. And as the old saying goes, “I’d rather die on my feet than to live on my knees.”
Finding the lessons in bullying will make you a happier person later on. It did me!
Today’s Quote
“If you find yourself constantly trying to prove yourself to someone, you have already forgotten your value.”
~ Unknown ~
At Peace
There is no better feeling in the world than the feeling of being totally at peace with yourself and the world around you. To get to this place, you just have to give it all up to The Lord and go with the flow and be thankful for what you have and the people in your life who love, value, and support you.
Count your blessings!
Finding That Healthy Balance Between Positive and Negative Experiences
Everyone has both positive and negative experiences with others, which can determine the level of confidence and self-esteem. The trick is to keep the positive either equal to or higher than the negative.
When targets of bullying feel hopeless and pushed to the breaking point, it means that they’ve had so many negative experiences with people that any positive experiences they once had become irrelevant.
Think of confidence and self-esteem as a bank account. If others bully a child nonstop for long enough, their positive account can quickly be depleted, then go into the negative.
If you’re a parent and your children are targets of bullying at school, it’s imperative that you and others who love them continue to deposit “money” into their banks every day with words of encouragement and love. You also contribute by teaching them the importance of confidence, and creating plenty of positive experiences for them.
Positive words, actions, and experiences must equal or, better yet, outnumber the negative ones they get from bullies at school. Only then will the self-esteem be prepared, and the victimized child begin to regain that confidence.
Finally, once confidence is restored, the child will be better able to combat bullies and, ultimately, cease to be a target.
Understand that, although talking about the abuse they suffer and getting it out in the open does help with healing, it only does so much. For any target of bullying to keep their self-esteem and confidence from completely tanking, we must, at the very least, help them create just as many positive experiences as the negative experiences they get from being the target of bullies.
We must help them establish friendships outside of the bullying environment and create wonderful memories. That is the best kind of therapy there is.
Add that with encouraging the target to open up about the abuse and being a good listener, then you have a sure-fire way for them to restore their confidence.
With knowledge comes empowerment!
Good News for Targets of Bullying
If others perceive you as weak, you can use that to your advantage! Allow me to explain further.
My classmates thought that I was weak, and, at times, I used it to elicit sympathy from others. I knew that if I could appear too vulnerable, and tempt my bullies to become “too aggressive,” I would gain sympathy from others and paint my bullies as the bunch of sadistic psychos they truly were.
It was in these cases, although few, that my bullies only created a martyr and got called out by a teacher or another member of school staff for the vicious snakes they were.
Don’t Show Your Cards words on a pair of aces kept secret from your competition and negotiating partner so you get the best deal possible
Therefore, there are times you must expose your bullies by appearing “too weak.”
For example, if you have a disease or disability, you can use it to get sympathy and make your bullies look barbaric. And who wouldn’t be outraged to hear of or see someone picking on a person who’s too sick to fight back?
Here’s another example. If you’re a female with a tiny build and you’re a target of bullying, you can milk it for all it’s worth if you know how to. You’ll have allies and protectors coming out of the woodwork and in droves.
Or, if you’re a typically charismatic guy and a peacemaker who doesn’t like to fight, you will also have people come to help you out.
Even naivete can be used as a weapon if you know how to use it properly.
Use what are perceived to be your weaknesses as weapons! Once you learn to do this, you’ve won the battle!
With knowledge comes empowerment!