Category: physical bullying

Physical Bullies: 4 Secrets You Should Know

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The weakest person always uses physical violence. However, the strongest person always uses their brain. It’s also true that the weakest person talks the most and the loudest, but the strongest person gets his message across in few words.

Through experience, I’ve found that these bullies were taught at home that violence is the answer to all their problems. Most of my classmates had the same brutish mentality. If you didn’t give them what they wanted, they resorted to using their fists to teach you a lesson and force you to comply. Also, they used physical violence any time they felt they weren’t getting the “respect” they thought was due them.

Additionally, bullies like these may even use physical violence to take their frustrations out on their targets whenever they’ve had a bad day or when they’re in a bad mood. It’s pathetic really.

1. Physical Bullies are highly insecure with themselves.

Their kneejerk reactions are triggered with a self-demeaning or self-defeating thought and feeling of indignation somewhere between the target’s statement or action and the bully’s blow-up.

“He thinks I’m a wuss.”

“She thinks I’m a loser.”

“He thinks I’m chicken.”

“She thinks I’m weak.”

“He thinks I’m stupid.”

“She thinks my opinions don’t matter.”

“I’m not getting through to this jerk.”

“He doesn’t respect me.”

“She won’t validate me.”

Which boils down to:

“If she doesn’t agree with me, then she doesn’t respect me.”

“If he doesn’t give me what I want, then he doesn’t take me seriously.”

2. physical bullies actually care what you (and everyone else) think of them.

Consequently, the bully has an afterthought that compels him/her to physically attack the target. The afterthought can be something like:

 

“I need to show this person that they can’t insult me and get away with it. And I need to do it so they’ll know that I’m not a pushover or softie.”

“I need to show this person she cannot ignore me and just walk away.”

This is all the result of the bully’s feeling hurt and they cover this hurt feeling behind the veneer of anger and toughness.

Moreover, physically violent bullies believe that being calm and cool, and maintaining one’s temper is a sign of weakness- or that walking away from confrontation and ignoring an aggressor is a sign of disrespect. Understand that these bullies place high value on their status and social image. They believe that they target slighted them and is responsible for their feelings of hurt, indignation, or rejection.

3. Physical bullies must use violence to keep their power.

  • The target wronged them somehow.
  • The target should be punished and destroyed.

However, realize that physically violent bullies impose rules of conduct and engagement on their targets that they, themselves, don’t follow and think they’re exempt from. These bullies truly believe that:

  • Their targets must respect them at all times.
  • The targets should be fully aware of what they want and expect from them.
  • Their targets should do what they tell them to do.
  • Their targets should never say ‘no’ to them.

  • The targets should only say what they (the bullies) want to hear.
  • Their targets should be available and at their beck and call any time they want.
  • Their targets should satisfy their every whim.
  • The target should put them first and sacrifice themselves for them.
4. Physical bullies see themselves as the victim and you as the aggressor who must be punished.

Therefore, physically violent bullies constantly apply evil intentions to their targets and feel consistent urges to make them pay for supposedly being such a pain. Remember that bullies are under the delusion that their targets are persecuting them when, in fact, it’s the exact opposite. This victim-blaming helps to soothe the bully’s self-image.

Their thoughts are:

“You caused me distress!”

“You made me mad, so I must make you pay dearly for it!”

When a physically violent bully attacks and beats down their target, they get instant psychological rewards- their anger is relieved, they get a sense of great power, and they feel a sense of satisfaction and justice.

Moreover, the bully gets to be up close to the target and look into their eyes to see their pain. They desire to hear the target cry out or scream in pain. They also get the satisfaction of getting the target good and bloody or getting themselves covered with the target’s blood.

Nevertheless, these bullies are sick individuals. They derive pleasure from inflicting cuts, bruises, and broken bones.

This is the mentality of the physically violent bully. It pays to know the inner workings of these types of people so that you can better protect yourself and defend against them.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

3 Signs that Verbal Abuse will Turn Physical

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There are three signs that verbal abuse will turn physical. Moreover, you would be surprised at how quickly and easily a bully (or any abuser for that matter) can change from letting their mouths do the talking, to letting their fists and feet speak for them.

here’s a scenario you’ll probably recognize

Bullies have been verbally abusing you for quite some time. You remember how they began with subtle digs and zingers. Next, you noticed that they progressed to openly screaming at you, cursing you out like a dog. Now, they are making threats of violence against you. You’ve begun to feel afraid because you’re not sure when the bullying will become physical and what they’ll do to you when it does.

Understand that your bullies are still pushing your boundaries. Little by little, they up the ante to test you and figure out how you’ll react and see what you’ll let them get away with. So, they always start small. And they ever so gradually turn it up in teeny tiny increments.

So, how do you know when the bullying you suffer is about to become physical? Here’s how:

1. they invade your personal space

When bullies invade your space, it’s a surefire sign that things are about to get physical. They get a little too close. They’ll follow to close behind you as you’re walking down the hallway or street. They’ll stand too close to you in the lunch line or while you’re punching the time clock. They may even step in front of you and block you from going any further.

Therefore, to prevent a possible physical attack, the time to act is now! You must tell them in no uncertain terms to back off. And if they don’t, it’s time to strike first. Yes! You heard me correctly. I’m not beyond hauling off and punching someone in the nose if they get in my face and refuse to back up off me.

However, be aware that you may be in a place that isn’t suitable for punching a bully, like on the job or in class. In lieu of fighting, I recommend that you look the bully dead in the eye with the hardest glare you can muster. Then tell them in a low, growling voice to knock it off. And keep glaring at them until they avert their eyes away. Make sure you’re standing absolutely still and facing them in a power pose. (More on power poses later) The goal here is to put the fear of God in the bully.

2. they lay claim to your things and your territory

Also, bullies may also sit at your desk, pick up your belongings, or lean on your car. Understand that in touching your belongings, bullies are laying claim to what is yours. This is the time to assert yourself firmly. Tell them to keep their slimy, grimy paws off your stuff!

Messing with your belongings or destroying them is also considered to be physical bullying.

However, be forewarned that most bullies will see this as a challenge and dare you to do something about it. In this case, don’t be afraid to throw up your dukes. It’s your stuff they’re messing with and they’re doing it to see how far they can push you!

But, just as I mentioned earlier, if you use fisticuffs, make sure the time, place, and conditions are as close to right as possible. If not, do what I suggested at the end of the last section.

3. they will begin assaulting you and making it look like an accident

Bullies will begin their physical assaults through“accidental” shoves, pushes, and bumps. They may do things accidentally on purpose– “accidentally” running or bumping into you in the hallway or parking lot, “accidentally” tripping you or knocking you down, or “accidentally” knocking things out of your hands. They will say, “Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to (trip, shove, run into you, etc.). And they’ll say it knowing damn well they did it deliberately. Also, you’ll know it too.

Moreover, they do it, thinking that maybe, just maybe, you won’t notice it’s escalating. After all, accidents happen all the time. No harm, no foul. Right?

The problem is that if bullies get away with these types of games, they’ll only escalate it until it gets out of control. And once bullying gets out of control, it’s almost impossible to stop or even slow it down. Again, it’s time to throw up those dukes! Remember not to doubt yourself and what you know and feel. And you always know when something is done on purpose. You can sense these kinds of things.

Like any other form of abuse, Bullying will only get worse if you don’t act.

Understand that bullying, or any form of abuse, always- always gets worse if you let it slide. Because it’s a dark part of human nature to push, push, and push further to see how far one can go.

Again, tune into your body and intuition because they will tell you whether what the person did to you was deliberate or an accident. If your senses tell you they did it on purpose, call it out and tell them to stop it right when it happens. If that doesn’t work and the bully keeps it up, it might be time to throw down. But, whatever you do, put a stop to it because it’ll only get worse if you don’t.

With knowledge comes empowerment!