Bullying Tactics: 9 Subtle Moves Bullies Use to Avoid Detection

January 17, 2025December 20, 20246 Comments

‘Want to know the bullying tactics bullies use? Here are all the methods bullies use that you need to know.

Bullies aren’t always so obvious and they don’t always use physical violence. Many seasoned bullies use psychological, emotional, social, and spiritual bullying tactics that go undetected.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the techniques they use, even the subtle ones so that you can easily call it out by name and protect yourself.

Once you learn all about these bullying methods, you will be better able to see through them, speak out about them, and bully-proof yourself.

This post is all about all the bullying tactics so that you have the knowledge you need to defend yourself from even the most subtle attacks.

Bullying Tactics

1. Relational aggression (Sometimes Called Social Aggression)

Smear Campaigns

Since the beginning of time, bullies of all ages and backgrounds have always employed the smear campaign as their weapon of choice. Why? Simple. Because they work.

This is why the smear campaign is THE top most used bullying tactic of all. It’s employed by not only bullies against you, but many politicians against their opponents. Moreover, people with NPD use them against their victims.

Also, domestic abusers use them against their partners and dictators against anyone who dissents.

Smears always start subtly. Bullies start rumors by dropping a suggestion. Therefore, all it takes is one little rumor- just one! Because people will want to believe it.

Consequently, if enough people buy into a smear, it will become the truth even if it is a bald-faced lie. And there’s no getting away from public opinion no matter how false or unjustified it is.

Therefore, bullies destroy you by making things up, leaking info they hear, or spreading ideas.

Next, the bullies will fade into the background because they know that everything is likely to stick. They’ve done their part, and now they can sit back and let the rumor mill do the rest.

It shouldn’t be so easy, but sadly, it is.

As the rumors and lies spread from person to person, the bigger they get until they sound so bizarre and outlandish they’d be fit for a horror movie.

Moreover, once the rumors get around, your friends will no longer believe you to be right. They’ll only think you’re a thorn in the side with a big mouth. By the time bullying is underway, your reputation is no longer clean.

If they can’t control you, they will control what others think of you.

2. Bullying tactics:

Redundancy – Repeating the Same Lies

Have you noticed how bullies tend to repeat the same personal attacks over and over again? It’s as if they’re going by a script!

Like Josef Goebbels said, “a lie repeated a thousand times becomes truth.

However, luckily for you, this can also backfire on the bullies and have the opposite effect. It can become boring.

In other words, the attacks can go on for so long, they become so boring that they actually lose their effect. Why?

Because, instead of tapering off once the attacks give them the desired outcome, the bullies only increase them.

They make this mistake trying to make sure that the rumors stick. Put simpler, bullies repeat the same garbage because their afraid others will forget how disgusting you are.

Therefore, they repeat the same tired, worn-out narratives and they end up losing support. Hence, it backfires right in their faces.

Therefore, let them repeat, repeat, repeat until they shoot themselves in the foot!

3. Use your friends against you.

First, let me say this. If your friends are allowing themselves to be used by your bullies aren’t friends at all. What they are, is a bunch of scumbags!

Therefore, treat them accordingly.

The reason your bullies may use them against you is because your friends likely know details about you that others aren’t privy to.

So, how do bullies weaponize your friends?

They have them ask you questions
They have them stick extra close to you.
They have them go through your belongings when you aren’t around.
They have them hawk your social media profiles and pages.

Therefore, it’s best to ditch these friends and find better ones.

4. Bullying tactics: Barking orders

When bullies order you around, they do it for power and to make you look like a wimp. Moreover they deny your equality and autonomy.

Instead of respectfully asking for what they want you, your bullies only give orders as if you’re a subordinate. Proverbially, this is how bullies claim ownership of you.

Understand that no one has the right to give you orders other than your boss, teachers or your parents. Therefore, if a classmate or coworker steps over the line and barks an order, you tell them, “I don’t take orders.”

The trick is to counter the order. It’s the only way to maintain your autonomy, self-esteem and keep feeling good about yourself.

5. Putting you on the defense

That’s right. And bullies will do it purposefully and for a reason. They put you on the defense to make you look “defensive” because they know that defensiveness makes a person look either guilty or cr*zy.

Later, they provoke you into a fight and tell everyone else, “See? What did I tell you?”

This is also called, “baiting” because, essentially, they bait you into a fight.

Therefore, when bullies make such predictions, take it as a warning. And it should warn you that your bullies are about to pull some shady stuff on you and that you need to watch out.

It should tell you that what is really happening is that your bullies are the ones plotting to provoke you into a physical altercation.

In other words, while the bullies are making such wild predictions about you, they’re setting everything up to happen exactly how they’re predicting. But why?

So they can turn around and say, “See? We told you so! If so and so wasn’t guilty, they wouldn’t be denying and explaining it so vehemently!

Realize that this kind of deception is easy to pull off. It shouldn’t work but it does!

Therefore, it pays to recognize when bullies unknowingly give themselves away. Then call it out by saying,

“With that statement, you just busted yourselves, and you’re too st*pid to realize it.” And say it without elaborating on it any further.

6. Bullying Tactics: Giving Unsolicited advice

Bullies are good at giving unsolicited advice, even through they despise it when the shoe is on the other foot.

Therefore, they freely advise you on how think, act, or feel under any circumstances. What bullies are best at is telling you how you should react to the very abuse they inflict. These morons have a lot of nerve, don’t they?

However, I want you to understand why bullies do this. Bullies give unsolicited advice because it serves them to do so.

How does it serve them, you may ask? It does so by giving their audience the impression that they know more and are more qualified than you.

In other words, bullies don’t give advice to help you. They give it to help themselves– to look cute and like they’re smarter than you.

Therefore, if you don’t know why bullies do it nor how to counter it, it can chip away at your self-esteem. So, what are ways that you can counter some smartass who gives you advice you didn’t ask for?

How do you counter it?

You counter this by having a clear understanding that the weight another person’s opinion carries depends on their relationship with you. Or, at least, it should.

Put another way, the people who are the closest to you and whom you feel closest to are those whose opinions you should value the most. These are the people who love and care for you the most- your parents, grandparents, your spouse- your dearest family and friends.

In contrast, the opinions of any bullies, fake friends, anyone who uses and abuses you, should carry the least weight. Therefore, you don’t need a bully’s cheap two cents worth!

Never give value to anything that has none. In other words, stop giving undue value to the opinions of those who aren’t worth your consideration.

7. Bullying Tactics: Asking Gotcha Questions

Not only are politicians notorious for asking gotcha-questions, but bullies are also infamous for asking them. What are gotcha-questions, you may ask?

Gotcha-questions are questions that put you in a bad light no matter how you respond to them or if you respond to them at all. These are the types of questions bullies will usually ask you in public, in front of an audience.

Gotcha-questions are forms of entrapment because bullies use them to trap you into looking bad to others.

Here are examples of Gotcha-Question bullying tactics:

“Hey, Jeff, do your friends know you got arrested the other day?”

This question says that Jeff did get arrested. It implies that he is a criminal and assumes that he was arrested whether his friends know it or not. If Jeff answers yes, it means that he’s a criminal and his friends know about it. If he answers no, it still means that Jeff is a criminal, only that none of his friends knows.

These types of questions are “gotchas” because they are closed-ended questions that leave no room for the truth.

“Tabitha, did you ever get help for your alcoholism?”

By asking this question, the asker is calling Tabitha an alc*holic without directly calling her one. It’s a slick way for the asker to attack her.

A yes means that Tabitha was “a drunk” in the past. On the other hand, a no implies that Tabitha is still a “boozehound.” And that’s what people will think.

Furthermore, if she responds by saying, “I’ve never had a drinking problem,” it would sound like a cover-up. Why? Because others would wonder why anyone would ask such a question if they weren’t privy to such private information? It implies that the asker knows information that hasn’t been available to anyone else.

Here are a few healthy responses to such questions:

“You’re wasting your time with the gotcha-questions because they don’t work on me.”

“You need to quit with the gotcha-questions. I know what you’re trying to do. You’re fooling no one.”

The trick here is to call the person out by calling the questions what they are. And when you do, do it as intelligently as possible. It may or may not save your good name, but you’ll feel good knowing that you called it out without allowing the bully to throw you off balance. And sometimes, that’s enough.

8. Bullying Tactics: Insulting questions

“Why are you so r*tarded, arrogant, ignorant, etc.)?

Understand that these questions aren’t really questions. They’re only accusations made in the form of questions.

Bullies are notorious for asking their targets rhetorical questions, which are questions designed to illicit a dramatic effect and to make a point, not necessarily to get an answer.

In other words, these questions are only innuendo.

They insinuate the target’s perceived lack of intelligence, sarcastic attitude, indifference, refusal to listen to reason, obnoxiousness, uselessness, or worthlessness.

The best way to counter these questions is to come back with something sarcastic. Here are some snappy answers to the above questions:

“Why are you so st*pid?”

“Maybe it’s because I lose a few million brain cells every time I hear you speak.”

“Why are you such a smart-ass?”

“Gee! Maybe it’s because morons like you bring it out in me.”

“Why are you so r*tarded?”

“Because listening to the trash that comes out of your mouth would make anyone r*tarded.”

“Why are you such a loser?”

“Maybe because I’ve been around you too long and it’s rubbing off on me.”

Always counter with sarcasm! Bullies’ hate being made a fool of and I guarantee that answers with some burn will take the wind out of their sails.

9. Bullying Tactics: Body Language

Threatening body language can be any physical gesture, such as dirty looks, invading your personal space, or touching your things.

How you stand up to this is to return the dirty look or tell them to get out of your personal space. You can also tell them to stop touching your belongings.

This may or may not change their behavior. However, you’ll feel great just knowing that you stood up to the creeps.

This post was all about the subtler forms of bullying tactics so that you can recognize them and respond appropriately.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

2. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

3. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person

4. The 4 Stages of Bullying

5. Bullying by Teachers: 15 Proven Signs a Teacher is Bullying You

Cancel Culture is Bullying

January 16, 2025January 16, 20254 Comments

‘Want to know why and how cancel culture is bullying? Here is what makes it so to give you a better understanding of it and to help you to better make the connection.

During the last ten years or so, there’s been a ton of cancel culture going on not only in this country, but around the globe. Moreover, cancel culture seeks to do many things- to instill fear in people, silence them, and tear them down. Therefore, cancel culture is bullying.

In this post, you will learn exactly what makes cancel culture another form of bullying and why we all should look at it as such.

Once you learn all the connections and associations, you will be able to better and more clearly call it out and shed some light on it.

Cancel Culture Is Bullying

Though, it’s disguised as a means to expose wrongdoing, abuses of power, and atrocities committed by those in power, it is, in fact, used by powerful people to subdue the less powerful.

Moreover, they use it as a means to strike fear in, silence and oppress everyday people who are brave enough to call them out for their bullying and evil deeds.

Therefore, cancel culture and bullying are no different. Why? Because there’s an imbalance of power, an intent to do harm, and to keep the victims of it in fear and hardship.

Double standards

When it happens in school or the workplace, we call it bullying. When it happens on a political or government level, we call it cancel culture. Therefore, again, understand that cancel culture and bullying are one and the same.

Cancel culture enforces a double-standard and holds targeted people to standards that no one outside the targeted group lives up to. Bullying does the same with it’s victims.

What is wrong for a each person in the targeted group is right for those in the in-group. What’s celebrated for one person or group is loathed in another. What’s deemed illegal for one person or group is legal, even heroism in another.

Therefore, does this sound familiar? It should.

This is bullying on a grand scale. Because one group has the right to commit crimes, hurt, and kill people. However, the “other” group doesn’t even have the right to defend themselves or their families and homes against the same criminals who are given carte blanche to harm them.

The message cancel culture send is, “We can, you can’t,” “Do as I say, not as I do,” “Rules for thee and not for me,” and dissenting opinions need not apply.”

Cancel Culture is bullying:

It destroys lives.

Many people have lost their jobs, livelihoods, homes, even families to cancel culture. Therefore, cancel culture is bullying. Moreover, it isn’t right to refuse someone else’s right to speak, think, work, flourish, and exist.

And this goes even if they have different opinions, beliefs, and perspectives than you. We must realize that everyone is different. In other words, we all have diverse beliefs, opinions, perspectives, convictions, and ways of thinking.

Moreover, different aspects of our lives shape them.

So, what shapes our opinions, beliefs, and perspectives?

Several things:

The family we’re born into
The environment we grew up in
Personal experiences
Education
Culture

It isn’t just defamation and smear campaigns. No! It goes much further.

It includes doxing the victim. In other words, if you’re that victim, online enemies will dig up information about you and your family. Then, they’ll use it to cause harm to you and your loved ones.

Cancel culture seeks to take away your good name and standing in society. Moreover, it also seeks to remove your rights to earn a living and feed your family. At it’s most dangerous, cancel culture usurps also yours and your family’s rights to physical safety.

Cancel culture is bullying because It is evil and malicious.

No matter what side of the aisle you’re on, cancel culture is wrong and it has to stop!

Everyone has a divine, God-given right to their own opinions, to be neutral, or to stay silent. These are Human rights, and again, no matter what side of the aisle we’re on, we each have those rights!

However, right before our very eyes, evil forces are conditioning people not to defend their most precious rights. Moreover, innocent citizens are being programmed not to believe what they see happening, nor to listen to their God-given gut instincts.

This is concerning!

Nowadays, it’s too easy to destroy someone’s life and take everything from them. We’re talking about everything they’ve worked hard their whole lives for.

Sadly, if a bully wants to destroy you, they don’t need evidence of any wrongdoing on your part to back them up. In other words, they don’t need any sort of proof to do it.

All it takes is an accusation, an allegation, or suggestion. Or, it can be a screenshot or any online post from twenty years ago.

That’s right! If bullies can’t find anything on you, they’ll dig up anything from your distant past.

All it takes is one harmless joke from way back when that’s now deemed offensive. Bullies can also use a picture of you from the seventies or eighties. And you could be wearing a Halloween costume that is seen as politically incorrect today.

Bullies can also dig up something from years ago, a high school photo. They could find an old photo of you when you were a wet-behind-the-ears teenager and wipe you out! There’s no forgiveness or redemption on the internet!

Cancel Culture is Bullying:

It doesn’t matter that kids eventually grow up.

Cancel Culture doesn’t take into consideration that people grow up. In other words, it doesn’t care about the fact that people change as they get older. It doesn’t care whether you learn from your mistakes.

In short, maturity doesn’t sway it. Cancel culture has no concern that we all do and say ignorant things when we’re kids. It doesn’t care that we’re all human beings capable of making errors.

Therefore, understand that if bullies cannot pin anything on you, they will claim that you’re mentally imbalanced. And, if that doesn’t stick, they will dig up something, anything from your past that puts you in a bad light.

Cancel culture is bullying of the highest order. It’s also stalking and it’s dangerous. It puts our very lives at risk.

In fact, people have had to flee their own homes due to doxxing and having their lives and family threatened. Some have gone into hiding. There are even a few who have had to go underground.

It is my hope that people wake up and see the craziness and obsessiveness of cancel culture. Each and every one of us should take a stand against this madness.

Cancel Culture is Bullying and it Breeds Cyber-Bullies Who Are Twice as Dangerous

Cancel Culture is the new cyber-bullying. People say that it was intended for the purpose of shaming celebrities and other people in power for bad behavior.

And maybe it was intended that way. However, as the old saying goes, “the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.” And it’s definitely true when it comes to this form of cyberbullying.

However, what it really does is give cyber-bullies a green light to bully anyone they deem unworthy of existing.

Therefore, it breeds cyber-bullies who are more dangerous. It even breeds cyber-criminals!

Many celebrities have been cancelled. However, they’re already rich and set for life. They have built nest eggs of tens of millions of dollars to fall back on, if cyberbullies decide to target them for cancellation.

Therefore, cancel culture won’t affect them like it would a normal, everyday person with a job, bills, and a family to feed.

However, common people suffer the most when bullies target them for cancelling. Interestingly, cyber-bullies love to target commoners because they haven’t built a financial cushion to rest on.

Therefore, cyber-bullies will come after them before they will those who are already set.

Bullies want want their attacks to have the maximum negative effect. Therefore, they’ll pick those who don’t have the wherewithal to protect themselves, their families, and their assets.

Cancel Culture is Bullying:

Here’s The Best Alternative.

Cancel culture doesn’t only take away the rights of creators, it also removes the rights of consumers as well. Therefore, here’s my message to those who encourage this kind of bullying.

If you don’t like something, fine. You have a right not to like it and you have a right not to have anything to do with it. What you don’t have a right to do is take away my choice to buy it, judge for myself, and like it.

This kind of bullying violates the personal rights and boundaries of everyone! It seeks to tell you what it thinks you should do. It tells you what to read, watch, eat, use, and who to associate with

. In short, cancel culture strips us all of our God-given rights to self-determination.

But isn’t that what all bullies do, strip their victims (and everyone else) of their right to choose? Their right to have an opinion? The right to speak and to have dignity? Their rights to self-determination?

The alternative to cancel culture is using common sense. In other words, if you don’t like someone, don’t associate with the person. However, don’t take away my right to decide that I want to associate with them.

If you see an item for sale in a store and you don’t like it, then don’t buy it. But, don’t take away my right to like it, choose it, and buy it.

If you don’t like the brand or, more appropriately, if the brand “offends” you, don’t buy it.

Does the show offend you? Then don’t watch it.

Does the business offend you? There’s a simple solution. Don’t patronize it.

If you don’t like the book, don’t read it.

Do you see how this works? It’s that simple.

This post was all about the reasons cancel culture is bullying So that you can call it out like it is.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The Effects of Bullying: 17 Negative Results on Victims

2. Bullying on Social Media: 5 Reasons Why People Do It

3. Social Bullying Examples: 7 Reasons Bullies Destroy Relationships

4. Bullying Culture: When Bullying is the Status Quo

5. Cyberbullying Tactics: 9 Common Tricks of Cyber-Bullies and Trolls

Benefits of Setting Boundaries

January 14, 2025December 30, 2024Leave a comment

‘Want to know the benefits of setting boundaries? It just may surprise you. If you only knew what those advantages are, you’ll definitely be more motivated to establish limits with others

When you set boundaries, you communicate to people what you will and will not tolerate from them. Also, you let them know what consequences they can expect if they violate those boundaries.

Anytime you establish boundaries, chance are that people will understand where your limits are and they’ll likely adapt their behavior. However, people who are human predators won’t acknowledge your boundaries and may even see them as a challenge.

In this post, you will learn all the benefits of setting boundaries. Also, you’ll learn how to deal with people who refuse to respect those limits.

Once you learn about all this essential life-tips, you will be more compelled to set boundaries without fear nor guilt. Moreover, you’ll be brave enough to stand up to those who cross the line.

This post is all about the benefits of setting boundaries and how to enforce those boundaries so that you can live a peaceful life without any disruptions.

The Benefits of Setting Boundaries

So, what are the benefits of setting boundaries?

1. You get to know yourself better.

In other words, you have a greater sense of identity. You won’t be afraid to be yourself. Moreover, you’ll know who you are and what you want. And there’s so much more that comes with it.

You get to know your likes and dislikes and, more importantly, the things you will and will not tolerate.

When you finally come to know yourself, the level of self-acceptance will be off the charts! You’ll learn to embrace your own thoughts, beliefs and convictions.

In that, you realize that everyone is different and no two people are the same. Therefore, you give yourself permission to also be different. Moreover, you’ll be okay with making mistakes. Let’s face it, we all make those!

This is such sweet freedom!

2. You begin loving yourself more.

The more you love yourself, the least likely you are to put up with anyone’s BS. Moreover, you’ll least likely be afraid to go after what you want.

This could be a great paying job or better relationships.

Also, you’ll be less likely to worry about what others think of you. Why? Because you’ll know that you’re a great person no matter what anyone else says.

Loving yourself means treating yourself well. And how you treat yourself defends on how you let others treat you. Boundaries (or lack of) are the way you teach others how to treat you.

Moreover, they signal to others whether or not you respect yourself. And if you don’t give yourself respect, chances are that no one else will either. Instead, they’ll only use you as a doormat.

Therefore, once you begin setting boundaries, you’ll learn to love and respect yourself more. As a result, others may adjust their attitudes and behavior and begin giving you respect.

Do you know what the best part is? You’ll be willing to drop anyone who sticks so much as a toe over your boundaries. And you’ll do it without guilt.

Therefore, you’ll earn respect not only from yourself but others as well.

3. Benefits of setting boundaries:

You Skyrocket your confidence and self-esteem.

In other words, you’ll like yourself. You’ll also have a better attitude about life and the world around you. Also, self-doubt won’t even be an issue. Instead, you’ll trust yourself to make the right life-choices.

You’ll be confident in your abilities and in your effect on others. In turn, those around you will be more confident in you. The best part is that , you’ll be okay with your flaws and limitations. Therefore, others most likely won’t pay attention to them either.

Moreover, you’ll believe in yourself and know without a doubt that you can get to anywhere you want to go. And if anyone tries to tell you that you can’t do something, you’ll be that much more determined to get it done!

You won’t allow bullies to plant seeds of doubt in your mind.

Instead, you’ll only deep your heels in deeper and double down on your efforts to complete your goals. You’ll use your bullies, haters and naysayers as your rocket fuel! And you’ll put in the work and overcome the obstacles to attain that goal.

When you raise your self-esteem, you won’t fear taking on new challenges and trying new things. In fact, you will be excited to do so!

And lastly, you will know your worth and have a deeper sense of security!

4. You’ll Reduce your stress levels.

Life won’t stress you out as much because you’ll be more relaxed. In other words, you won’t let life’s little annoyances get to you. As a result, you’ll be more successful at solving problems.

In other words, you’ll be able to work through adversity and stare trouble in the face. You’ll even have patience because you’ll be confident that everything will work out eventually.

Social anxiety will be a thing of the past because you will be comfortable in your own skin. Again, this comes from not caring what others think of you.

5. Benefits of Setting Boundaries:

You’ll increase your productivity.

Your productivity will automatically rise because you’ll be able to make time to work on your own goals. You’ll use that time wisely, making every second count.

At the same time, you’ll allow yourself rest periods and avoid overworking yourself. And you’ll put your priorities first, then take care of others.

6. You’ll value your solitude a lot more.

In other words, you won’t be afraid to be alone. Why? Because you’ll understand that being alone doesn’t be being lonely. Instead, you’ll value solitude because you’ll be able to focus on your tasks and get more done.

7. You’ll be able to focus more on your goals.

Again, when you set boundaries, you will accomplish more because you’ll have higher mental focus.

8. You’ll enjoy better relationships.

Why? Because because others will more likely respect your boundaries. Moreover, you won’t be afraid to get rid of those who don’t.

Therefore, you’ll have less bullies, abusers, and users in your life.

And the best part is that you’ll attract even more healthy people into your life. Remember that like attracts like.

9. Benefits of setting boundaries:

You’ll keep your circle small.

In other words, you’ll be satisfied with only a handful of friends. Popularity will no longer matter to you.

To you, quality will matter more than quantity. Therefore, you’ll enjoy relationships that are much more rewarding!

10. You’ll take care of your health and hygiene.

You’ll make it a point to shower or bathe regularly. Moreover, you’ll eat well and make sure to exercise to maintain your strength and endurance.

You’ll also get plenty of rest. You’ll be sure to dress your best and look your best. Why? Because when you look good, you feel good!

You’ll also give yourself permission to take breaks from tasks if you need to.

11. Benefits of setting boundaries:

You won’t be afraid to enforce those boundaries.

Setting personal boundaries is one thing, but enforcing them is another.

Enforcing personal boundaries is much riskier than setting them. This is because, when you set boundaries, you’re only letting people know what they are. Therefore, the only risk to you is of someone challenging those boundaries.

On the other hand, enforcing your boundaries means that you impose consequences to anyone arrogant enough to cross them. Therefore, you understand that once a bully or abuser steps over your boundaries, then, it’s time to enforce them.

And you’re not afraid to do that. In fact, you’re willing to take that risk to protect your peace of mind.

When you do, no amount of guilt trips or manipulation will sway you. You warned them, they didn’t believe you, and you realize that the only way they’ll take you seriously is to make believers out of them.

Therefore, you’ll do what you have to do to let the creeps know that you mean business. You’ll be willing to impose consequences, whether through fisticuffs or sending their butts to the door and telling them never to come back.

12. Benefits of Setting Boundaries:

You’ll have improved mental and emotional health.

Because you enjoy healthier relationships with people who love and respect you and you score accomplishment after accomplishment, your emotional and mental health will drastically improve!

Put all these things together and your life can only improve!

In conclusion

Setting boundaries is important for a happy and peaceful life. Therefore, you must not be afraid to keep the bullies and jerks out. Remember that you have one life to live and it’s way too short. Therefore, love yourself enough to do what you must do to protect your peace.

Stop allowing yourself to be a dumping ground for other people’s problems. Take care of yourself. Focus on your goals and priorities. And more importantly, set boundaries and reap the rewards that come afterward!

This post is all about the benefits of setting boundaries to motivate you to set your own and take your life back.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons

4. How to Stop a Bully from Bullying You: 7 Powerful Strategies

5. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

The Bullied Brain: 7 Ways Bullying Effects Mental Health

January 13, 2025January 14, 20258 Comments

‘Want to know what happens in the bullied brain? Here are the changes that happen in the brain of a bullied person that you need to know about.

Prolonged bullying can cause actual changes in the brains of it’s victims. And these changes aren’t good.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about the bullied brain and the exact changes that victims’ brain goes through.

Once you learn all about these negative brain changes, you will be able to better describe how bullying has changed you. Also, you will be more motivated to take the steps needed to protect your mind from vicious bullies.

This post is all about the bullied brain and why it’s important for you not only to protect your your mind from bullying.

The Bullied Brain

Bullying and Changes in the Brain

As we know, bullying can cause victims lots of trauma. However, bystanders also suffer a degree of trauma as well, just by witnessing it.

For now, let’s talk about what bullying does to targets, since it affects them the most.

Any form of psychological trauma, whether it comes from combat, rape, or bullying, changes the physiology of the brain.

Furthermore, it reprograms the brain’s alarm system. It also causes a sharp increase in stress hormones.

Put simpler, it changes the way the brain distinguishes real information from fake information. And lastly it comes more difficult for the brain to tell the difference between information that relevant and that which is irrelevant.

Because of these changes, you become hyper-vigilant. In fact, some victims and survivors become so much so that they cannot function day to day.

Once you’ve suffered enough trauma, you may have difficulty learning from experience. As a result, you may often repeat the same destructive behaviors. This is why others often accuse you of being a “bad” person.

Also, others may label you as lazy, stubborn, immoral, and having bad character.

1. Bullying rewires Your brain to prepare for a hostile environment.

You must understand that this is what happens when people bully you for long periods of time. It will rewire your brain to prepare for a hostile environment.

In other words, you will have difficulty trusting people. You’ll come to only expect hostility from them.

Moreover, people may accuse you of being lazy when you’re only dealing with “learned helplessness.” And learned helplessness is a common result of repeated and prolonged bullying and verbal abuse.

Also, others may accuse you of being defiant and stubborn when you’re actually shutting down.

Moreover, they may also accuse you of hotheadedness or craziness when you’re actually defending yourself. Or, you could be experiencing the release of pinned up rage.

This sudden out-pour of raw emotions often results from being abused, then silenced and punished for speaking out and defending yourself.

2. The bullied brain:

Prolonged and Repeated Bullying and Abuse Causes Learned Helplessness.

If you suffer repeated bullying and abuse, you may have no way of defending yourself. Moreover, certain circumstances may leave you with no way of fleeing and escaping the bullying and toxic environment.

Learned helplessness doesn’t only come from repeated bullying and abuse. It also comes from feelings of entrapment.

In other words, it’s caused from feeling powerless to do anything to better your situation.

For example, if a group of bullies lock the door of the bathroom and surrounds you, they block any escape. They then hold you down as they attack you.

This is likely to cause “learned helplessness.”

Here’s another example. You report the bullying to the school principal or teacher. But instead of helping you, the school staff only blame you and refuse to help.

Then, the next day, the bullies retaliate and beat you to a pulp for snitching. Even worse, this happens several times until you finally give up trying to take care of yourself.

Thus, you develop learned helplessness.

Battered Wife Syndrome: Another example of the Bullied Brain

A battered wife is constantly threatened by her abusive husband. He tells her that, if she leaves, he will take the children from her, or kill her, or worse, kill her entire family.

As a result, she feels trapped in an abusive marriage with no way out. Therefore, she is likely to develop battered wife syndrome, which is another form of learned helplessness.

Understand that it’s not so much the bullying and abuse that causes this condition. There have been many abused and bullied people who have escaped their situations.

They later became highly independent, healthy, and successful people.

What causes learned helplessness is the inability to oppose or escape the abuse. In other words, you develop learned helplessness when bullies and abusers block you from any possible paths of escape.

Why? Because you have no other recourse than to take the abuse quietly just to survive. That is what causes “learned helplessness.”

This also happens when you have no one to turn to for help. When no one will listen to or believe you, the condition of learned helplessness has a strong chance of developing.

3. You become exhausted and lose the will to fight back.

When people bully you, it can be extremely exhausting. Understand that bullies know this. Therefore, they’ll deliberately wear you down to take the fight out of you. Then, they can take control over your life.

At first, you may defend yourself, fiercely asserting your rights to human dignity, respect and safety. However, most bullies don’t recognize human rights.

They only see your acts of self-defense and self-protection as a threat to their power. Therefore, they only double down.

In other words, your bullies intensify the hatred and abuse to keep you fighting until they mentally and physically exhaust you.

You finally become so tired that you lose your will to fight back. You then decide that it’s much easier just to give up.

4. The Bullied Brain:

You lose the ability to recognize mistreatment.

When you’re used to being treated well, you can see bullying more clearly. Therefore, you know the difference when it happens.

However, after you endure bullying for so long, the lines get blurred, and you lose the ability to see aggression so clearly. This happens especially if the hostility is subtle.

Finally, you reach a point where you don’t recognize abuse at all!

5. Bullies condition you to accept bad behavior from others.

After bullies have verbally abused you for so long, you begin to believe their words. In other words, bullies have abused you until you finally start to believe that you somehow deserve it.

These damaging self-beliefs happen after the bullies, their followers, and bystanders have repeatedly abused you and prevented you from defending yourself.

Put another way, they have drummed into your head that you are worthless. Moreover, they have repeated that lie over and over until you begin to believe it too.

6. The Bullied Brain:

You begin to punish yourself.

You do this by engaging in risky or self-destructive behaviors. you may hang with the wrong people and befriend those who only tolerate you. Moreover, you may participate in risky sexual behavior or having relationships with abusive partners.

7. You contemplate suicide.

After bullies have tormented you for so long, the torture can reach a point to where you think of suicide. It’s not that you want to die, per se. However, when people constantly bully you without stopping, you may feel that dying is the only way to make it stop.

The Bullied Brain: Understand that Bullying is One Big PsyOp

Think about it. Governments and their military use psyop operations by starting propaganda campaigns. When bullies employ smear campaigns and verbal abuse against you, it is the equivalent of a government propaganda campaign but on a much smaller scale.

Therefore, understand that propaganda campaigns and smear campaigns are pretty much the same and they both have the same purpose. To demoralize the enemy.

When people bully you, they consider you the enemy and want to demoralize you. Therefore, you must realize that, if bullies can demoralize you, they can then crush your will to stand up for yourself and fight back.

The Bullied Brain:

Here’s How Bullies Attempt to demoralize you.

Bullies will tell you things, such as:

“You’re not strong (pretty, smart) enough.”
“No body likes you” or “You don’t have any friends.”
“You can’t fight against us.”
“You’ll always be a nobody” or “You’ll never amount to anything.”
“No one will ever date you (or) marry you.”
“You’ll never win that contest.”
“You’ll never make the team.”

You’ll never this and you’ll never that. You must realize that these statements mean to mentally subdue you. In other words, they force you to give up your natural reluctance to bow down and take abuse.

Understand that your bullies must slowly weaken you so that you won’t stand up to them. And once they do, you’ll give up on yourself and allow them to just walk all over you.

In Conclusion:

Understand that you must take care of your mental health and self-esteem if you want to avoid these results in the future.

Therefore, make sure you have friends outside of the bullying environment that you can talk to. Also, turn to supportive family members for help.

Do things you enjoy and keep company with positive and uplifting people any time you’re away from the bullies.

Your goal is to balance everything out by adding healthy and positive relationships and experiences. You must cultivate these relationships even if they’re outside the bullying environment.

This balance will soften the blows to your self-esteem and provide a buffer to your bullies’ attacks.

This Post is all about the bullied brain and why you should take steps to protect your mind just as you would your body

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The Effects of Bullying: 17 Negative Results on Victims

2. Fear of Setting Boundaries: 5 Reasons You Don’t Stand Up to Bullies

3. The Explaining Trap: 3 Reasons Bullies Set It and How to Respond

4. Psychological Effects of Gaslighting: 11 Ways it Impacts Victims

5. Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing

Bullying Support: 7 Resources You Can Reach Out to

January 10, 2025December 15, 20244 Comments

Bullying support groups and organizations are life savers for victims of bullying. Therefore, if you or a loved one is suffering from bullying, gaslighting, and abuse, I want you to know that there are people and organizations you can reach out to.

When bullies target you at school or in the workplace, a support system can be the difference between suicide and the will to live. I tell you this from experience.

Sadly today, there are people who don’t consider the damage bullying does to victims because most people don’t like to acknowledge it. Many people simply do not want to know that bullying even exists.

Moreover, many victims suffer in silence because they’re either afraid their bullies will retaliate or they’re too ashamed to admit that they’re victims. Another reason is that much of society is still under the misguided belief that bullying is “a right of passage” – a “normal occurrence that all kids go through.”

This is simply not true.

There is nothing normal about it, and no, the majority of kids don’t endure long-term bullying. Only about a third. And even this estimate is probably much higher because much of the bullying people endure goes unreported.

What you will learn:

In this post, you will learn about the bullying support resources available when you have nowhere else to turn.

Once you learn about all these people and groups, you will be better able to get the help you need.

This post is all about the bullying resources available to you so that you can get the help you need to either fight, face, or heal from the bullying. Know that you are not alone and that there are people out there who care.

Bullying Support

Bullying destroys the lives of millions worldwide every year. Moreover, those who haven’t experienced it still hold the belief that bullying is just a normal part of life. Regardless of what they think, bullying is one of the biggest morale killers.

Therefore, you may think that speaking up about it is out of the question.

Truth be known, you’re more than likely afraid that if you do speak up, others will shame you for it. They may tell you to toughen up. And maybe they did when you tried to tell them what was happening to you.

So, you toughened up. You started fighting back and defending yourself, only for others to blame you, accusing you of being the perpetrator.

As a result, the school principal suspended or expelled you. Or, maybe your were a bullied adult in the workplace and your supervisor fired you because you stood up to the bully.

In a nutshell, there still isn’t enough support for victims of bullying even today. How many child, teen, and adult suicides could we prevent if we simply put the word out that help is available

Moreover, how many could we’ve prevented decades ago. Unfortunately, that’s an answer we’ll never know because those victims aren’t alive to tell their stories today.

I can only speculate that it was more than likely well over half of all suicides and I’m confident in that guess.

Therefore, if you’re a parent or guardian, listen to your child and take steps to support and protect your son, daughter, or grandchild.

If you’re a teacher and a child or teen comes to you and opens up about the bullying they suffer, please do not trivialize their pain nor rebuff them. Reach out to them and give them a listening ear.

Let this precious human being know that you’re there for them.

If you’re a supervisor or manager, please, listen for the sake of not only the target, but for that of your company. Companies lose millions per year as a result of workplace bullying. Therefore, it’s much more profitable to do the right thing than it is to ignore it or to blame the target.

1. Bullying Support Groups and Therapists

There are millions of support groups of other bullying victims and survivors. Many of the leaders of these groups have also endured bullying. Therefore, do research and see if there is one in your area. These groups are so beneficial because you’ll be together with people who’ve had the same experiences.

Moreover, you will be in a safe place to talk about what’s happening to you and get everything off your chest. The best part is that the members of the other group will listen and they will offer moral support. You will be among friends.

Moreover, a therapist will be able to help you. They can be a good source for counseling to repair your self-esteem and overall mental health.

They can also give you tips on how to handle a bully.

2. Martial Arts Schools

Martial Arts school are great because, not only do they teach you how to defend yourself, they also teach you how to think on your feet. Moreover, many MA schools have classes on how to deal with bullies.

The best part is that martial arts also teaches you to have confidence and your self-esteem will skyrocket. Therefore, if it’s feasible for you, think about joining a martial arts class.

Note: Just don’t tell anyone that you’re taking martial arts. You definitely don’t want your bullies to find this out until it’s time. Also, never use your training on a bully until you are completely confident in your MA abilities.

3. Bullying support for Parents

There are also many groups who support parents of bullied schoolchildren. Again, do research, ask around, see if your area has one. These groups not only offer support, they will also teach you how to be there for your child and how to talk to them.

4. trusted Family and friends

Trusted family and friends are also great avenues of support. Moreover, if you know they will listen with love, open up to them and tell them what you’re going through.

This often works when you don’t have the funds for therapy or group sessions.

5. trusted teachers

Notice I said, trusted teachers. Sadly, not all teachers are sympathetic to bullied students. In fact, I’m willing to say that the majority of them aren’t.

However, there are a few who are especially understanding. They’re the teachers that you don’t meet but maybe 1 to 3 times during your school career. Therefore, if you have a trusted teacher that you absolutely love, don’t be afraid to confide in them.

I speak from experience because I had a few teachers I could talk to when I was being bullied. And, let me tell you! They made a huge difference in my life! They are the teachers, I’ll always remember with love!

6. workplace bullying support groups

Yes, there are support groups for bullied adults in the workplace. Also, if you need to see a therapist, they’re also a great resource for support. In many cases, therapists have made all the difference in the lives of many victims.

Therefore, don’t be too ashamed to see one. Remember that it doesn’t mean that you’re coming unglued. Although there is a lot of unfair stigma around seeing a counselor, you shouldn’t concern yourself with what others think.

This is all a part of self-care. Not only should you take care of your body, you should take care of your psychological and emotional well-being as well.

7. anti-bullying attorneys

There are many lawyers who specialize in anti-bullying law. These litigators represent bullied children and their families against schools who fail to protect them against bullies. Moreover, they also represent adults who have had their lives ruined because of workplace bullies.

They file lawsuits against schools, school systems, and companies for any damages done to victims, from lost wages, to medical costs resulting from bullying. They will even help you to recoup any psychological costs and file for punitive damages from schools, companies, and bullies themselves.

Therefore, if you’ve suffer psychological trauma from bullying, don’t hesitate to consult one of these attorneys. Most of them offer a free consultation and they can tell you if you have a case.

Also, some of them will probably be pro-bono attorneys. In other words, you don’t pay fees to them unless they win your case or you get a settlement. Put simpler, if you get nothing, they get nothing.

In Conclusion

Any time people are bullying you every day, for everything, you need all the support you can get. Why? Because bullies are experts at manipulating social hierarchies and turning other people against you. And they do this specifically to whittle down any support you may get.

And why do they prevent anyone from supporting you? Because any support you get is a threat to your bullies’ power over you. Therefore, this is why most bullies are hellbent on turning others against their victims and isolating them.

This is why support groups, therapists, and attorneys who specialize in bullying are popping up all over the country. There is a need for bullying-support and it’s finally available as it should have been years ago.

Therefore, take advantage of these support systems. You’ll be glad you did.

This post was all about the bullying support resources that are available to victims and why you should consider reaching out to them for help.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person

2. Benefits of Positive Thinking: 6 Positive Changes You’ll See

3. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

Confidence vs Arrogance

January 9, 2025January 9, 20252 Comments

‘Want to know the difference between confidence vs arrogance? Here are the differences you need to know about, especially if you’re a victim of bullying and abuse.

Many people get the two confused. Why? Because others conditioned them to believe that even the smallest shred of confidence is arrogance and that it’s bad.

Sadly, bullies and abusers condition victims that confidence is negative. Also, you can be misguided in thinking such by people who are well-meaning but don’t know better.

Why? Because they were also taught such things. Others conditioned them to believe that confidence, self-respect, self-love, and self-compassion were arrogance. Then, they passed it onto you.

Moreover, they were taught that they were bad people for having those treasures. Also, the abusers in their lives manipulated them into believing that they never deserved to have those traits.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the difference between confidence and arrogance so that you understand the differences.

Once you learn how the two differ, you will have an understanding of the distinctions. Also, you’ll be better able to resist being brainwashed when bullies attack your confidence and try to convince you that it’s bad.

This post is all about confidence vs arrogance so that you can hold on to your confidence when bullies try to attack you for it.

Confidence vs Arrogance

So, what’s the difference?

1. Confidence is healthy.

It’s never shy nor boastful. It’s that happy and healthy middle between low self-esteem and smugness.

Therefore, when a person is confident, they don’t have to trumpet their own importance and they don’t have to show off. Confidence isn’t loud or obnoxious, it’s quiet.

A confident person doesn’t boast or brag because they don’t have to. They know their value and all the good they bring to this world. They already know their own importance. Confidence is seen and not heard because it’s there.

Confident people believe they’re equal to everyone else. They believe they’re no better than anyone but just as good.

Therefore, they are kind to others and allow them to be themselves and do their own thing. However, a confident person is also assertive. They aren’t afraid to set firm boundaries and lay down the law if another person sticks so much as a toe over their boundaries.

A confident person, doesn’t let his confidence effect the way he treats people.

Why? Because he believes that everyone has a right to respect and dignity.

I want you to know that it’s okay to be confident and to be comfortable in your own skin. Moreover, it’s okay to have respect for yourself and to love yourself.

And thirdly, it’s okay to indulge in self-care and to tell some creep to go to hell if they get abusive with you. So, be confident!

Know that you can have confidence without being a pompous stuffed shirt. Know your worth and that you deserve to be treated well and with love and respect.

2. Confidence vs Arrogance:

Arrogance is unhealthy

In fact, it’s toxic! Arrogance is extreme.

In other words, it’s loud and obnoxious. When a person is arrogant, they’re full of themselves. An arrogant person makes sure that everyone around them knows how important they are because they feel they must announce it to the world.

Arrogance is like a peacock; it shows all it’s pretty colors and expects people to notice and give it recognition. However, it’s boastful because it’s insecure, and craves attention, admiration, and adoration.

An arrogant person believes he’s superior.

They treat people they deem inferior like dirt. Moreover, they’ll go out of their way to bully them and let them know who’s boss.

An arrogant person either doesn’t recognize boundaries, or he resents them. In other words, he believes that he should have carte blanche to violate another person’s boundaries.

Also, he gets highly pissed if the person he bullies has the gall to stand up to him.

Therefore, an arrogant person is a self-entitled, egotistical, self-satisfied turd who uses his attractive qualities to compensate for insecurity, cowardice, and weakness.

Confidence vs arrogance:

Regardless of what others have taught you, there’s a difference.

If other people have taught you the confidence is conceit, understand that they fed you nothing but lies. Confidence, basic self-respect, self-love, and self-compassion are not arrogant. Moreover, they aren’t selfish.

What they are is essential– essential for good mental health and a good life. They’re crucial for happiness and fulfillment

Realize that when someone attacks your confidence by accusing you of being arrogant or self-centered, it’s not about you. It’s really about them and always has been.

Why? Because they only do it to keep you down by making you feel less than them.

They do it because, deep down, they feel small. So, they feel they must push you down into the pits of low self-esteem so they can feel superior. Therefore, these people, who are really bullies, believe they must break your spirit to uplift theirs.

Oh, but wait! Here’s something else to think about here: maybe bullies and abusers drum this garbage into your head because they’re afraid. That’s right!

Could it be that bullies and abusers attack your confidence out of fear?

They’re frightened that if you manage to attain that precious confidence that you were born with, then you just might grow a pair of coconuts! In other words, you’re more likely to develop the spinal column to tell them where they can stick it and drop them like a bad habit!

Realize that this is about power. Moreover, it’s about making sure they keep you in your place, so they don’t risk losing their power over you.

Confidence vs Arrogance Or Confidence vs Egotism

Arrogance and egotism are close cousins. The confusion between confidence and egotism is also quite common. However, there are ways to distinguish between confidence and egotism.

Before I go further, let me start by saying that we all have egos. However, the trick is in how we handle them.

Here are the differences between confidence and egotism.

Confidence is quiet. Egotism, like arrogance, is loud and boastful.
The former doesn’t have to boast because it already knows its value. The latter, on the other hand, must constantly remind others of its value.
Confidence is teachable. Whereas, egotism is not. It kills the capacity to learn because it thinks it already knows everything there is to know.
Confidence leads to growth. Egotism can only lead to stagnation and eventual destruction.

Two Opposites

Princess Diana, during her latter years, was the perfect example of confidence. Once she saw her worth, she traveled the world, helping the less fortunate.

On the other hand, Hitler was an example of egotism. His overinflated ego led to the destruction and loss of millions of innocent lives. His overstuffed ego produced intense hatred for all Jews and anyone else he saw as his enemy.

As we know, bullies aren’t confident, they’re egotistical. Again, we all have egos. However, not all of us have egotism. Therefore, egotism is bad because it often stems from negative feelings of anger, guilt, jealousy, insecurity, and fear.

Moreover, it’s the reason bullies often target those based on their weaknesses, the lower role they play and their stations in life.

Confidence vs Arrogance:

Confidence Promotes Equality while Egotism Promotes Division

Confident people treat the janitor or the security guard with the same respect they would give the company president or the CEO. In contrast, egotistical bullies only will only mistreat the janitor and security guard while sucking up to the president and the CEO.

A confident person gives kindness and respect to those who can do nothing for him. In other words, he treats everyone equally regardless of difference or position. Ego-driven bullies only abuse those who can’t benefit them somehow.

Those who are confident have selfless motives and doesn’t care who you are as long as you’re a decent and moral person.

However, those who are ego-driven bullies are self-serving. With these types of personalities, it’s all about fame and name.

Putting ego aside means respecting those whom society deems beneath you and giving them the same human value. It means making an effort to understand those who are different from you and doing your best to help them as you would those most like you.

Egotism is when ego overrides humanity and places it in grave danger, whereas, confidence helps and saves it.

Confidence vs Arrogance:

Confidence Saves Humanity, Egotism Destroys it.

Sadly, I’ve worked with people who were great people to get along with. But once they got that coveted promotion, they became people I no longer recognized.

Bullies often spend money beyond their means to buy expensive clothes and cars, trying to look like they’re better off than everyone else. However, this is a sure hallmark of egotism.

Unfortunately, many bullies get deep in debt and sometimes resort to thievery to get out of it. As a result, they end up in legal trouble, which is an example of the self-destruction that egotism can bring.

Therefore, be aware of these signs in other people. And be confident, but know where the line between confidence and egotism lies.

“Who do you think you are!”

Have you ever had people seemingly mistake your confidence for conceit? Or worse, get offended by it? And you knew it but never understood why?

Heaven forbid you actually have even a minuscule amount of self-esteem and take pride in your accomplishments.

Sadly, we live in a world that’s insecure, self-conscious, and unhappy. Therefore, there will be people who resent your spirit and your happiness.

Understand that environments that are very toxic and the toxic people within them have an intense hatred of those who are cheerful and have a strong sense of self.

Bullies are such people. But realize that, though they’d tell you differently, bullies aren’t happy people. They can’t be because anyone who’s truly happy wouldn’t try to make others feel lousy.

Moreover, they wouldn’t resent the happiness, confidence, or successes of others.

Confidence vs arrogance:

Arrogance and egotism will try to tear down confidence.

I’ve dealt with these types of people- people who resented my confidence. Moreover, this was confidence that I’d worked hard to rebuild after having been severely bullied.

You could see it written all over their faces- the scowls, how their eyes would narrow and turn into slits! Their brows would furrow anytime they saw a smile on anyone else’s face.

Can you imagine what they were thinking? You can just hear it.

“The nerve! The audacity! The chutzpah!”

You probably hear the remarks too.

“She thinks too highly of herself and needs to be brought down a notch or two!”

“He’s an arrogant jerk!”

“She’s so uppity!”

“He loves himself too much!”

“She needs to bring herself down to earth with the rest of us!”

I could go on and on.

Confidence vs Arrogance:

Your confidence will offend some.

Many people act as if being confident and loving yourself is wrong. The message you get is that it’s “selfish.” Also, some will tell you that you need to climb down off your high horse.

Maybe they say that you’ve gotten too big for your britches. They try to make you think that having confidence in yourself is something to be ashamed of.

You can practically hear your bullies shout in the style of Greta Thunberg, ”How dehhhhh you!”

Bullies tend to think that if you have pride in yourself, you’re sanctimonious. However, it’s okay for them to have it.

In their minds, confidence and pride should be reserved only for them and people like them. But woe unto you if you have even an ounce of self-value and to believe in yourself.

Therefore, continue to have confidence! There’s nothing wrong with it! Moreover, do whatever you must do to maintain it! Confidence is something you must guard with your life!

This post is all about the difference between confidence vs arrogance so that you can have the knowledge to rebuff any bullies who try to gaslight you into believing that being confident is wrong.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

2. Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

3. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

4. How to Have Self-Respect: 7 Powerful Ways to Treat Yourself Well

5. How to Overcome Self Doubt: 7 Easy Mind Hacks to Achieve Success

unhealthy ways to deal with bullying in the community

Unhealthy Ways to Deal with Bullying: 11 No-No’s to be Aware of

January 7, 2025January 7, 20254 Comments

Do you want to know unhealthy ways to deal with bullying so that you’ll know the exact behaviors to avoid? Here are things you shouldn’t do when being bullied so that you can overcome and emerge a winner!

To know what to do in a case of bullying sometimes means knowing first what not to do. Here are the no-no’s when people bully you.

In this post, you will learn what not to do when bullies victimize you, so that you’ll handle their abuse more effectively.

Once you learn all about these faux pas, you will make yourself less a victim and emerge a victor!

This post is all about the 7 most unhealthy ways to deal with bullying so that you come come out on the other side of it much happier and healthier.

Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying

Bullying throws you into survival mode. If a situation is threatening and there’s no escaping it, you’ll often find other ways of coping.

Nevertheless, some of those coping mechanisms aren’t good ones. Anytime you’re stuck in a toxic environment, you may become desperate and do things you usually don’t do to either escape or for relief.

1. Don’t instigate fights between others to take the bad attention off you.

I say this because I did that.

Some victims of bullying will pit a few classmates against each other. If they know of a few who dislike or hate each other, they very quietly and slyly pit them against each other.

An offhand comment here, another there, and they’ll have them fighting among themselves. Although it’s a shady thing to do, some victims try to keep others fighting among themselves.

But, why do they do this?

a. Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying: Reasons some victims instigate fights between others.

To distract the negative attention and hostility away from themselves

Although I don’t condone it, I do understand why some victims may do this. When you’re severely and chronically bullied, you become desperate to make it stop.

In other words, you’ll do anything and I mean anything to get a nice, albeit short, reprieve from all the drama. And sometimes, you may feel that,“ya gotta do what ya gotta do” to keep yourself safe.

So, you handle it the wrong way by keeping others too busy fighting each other to even think about you. It’s not that you’re trying to hurt anyone, all you want is to avoid the negative spotlight and keep yourself safe!

If you know of a few of your bullies who hate each other as much as they hate you, then perfect! You stoke the fires a little, and take advantage of it!

You very stealthily stir the pot between them because, as mentioned earlier, if you can keep them busy fighting each other, they’ll leave you alone. And let me tell you! It does work wonders!

But, heed this warning. This may keep people’s eyes off you for a little while. However, if someone happens to catch onto what you’re doing, the bullying you suffer will only skyrocket.

Moreover, you’ll be seen as a troublemaker. Now wouldn’t your bullies just love that!

They want to see someone else take heat for a change.

Why? Because it keeps them from feeling like they’re the only one being picked on. Therefore, this is more of a psychological payoff then anything else.

However, this isn’t the way to handle it.

c. Because they’re jealous of other people’s friendships and relationships.

Victims of bullying don’t only have to endure bullying and abuse. They also must sit on the sidelines and watch as other person enjoy all those social benefits of life.

Therefore, you’ll be tempted to cause friction in their relationships. Again, don’t! Because once they find out you pitted them against each other, they’ll only realign. And this time they’ll pursue you to the ends of the earth!

In other words, you’ll only make the bullying ten times worse!

I can’t stress this enough, don’t do it!

2. Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying: You Bully people weaker than you.

But why?

It’s because you feel powerless. Therefore, you become a bully yourself to feel more powerful. But understand that, although this may be the reason, it’s never an excuse.

Moreover, know that, if this is not something you normally do, you will be remorseful for it one day. Moreover, you will feel the need to apologize to those you hurt.

And, you know what? You absolutely should!

It’s much better to align with the people who are weaker than you and become a friend to them. Never bully anyone because you’re being bullied. The last thing you should do is take your pain out on someone you deem lesser than you.

It only makes you just as lowdown as your bullies. Moreover, you’ll miss out on opportunities for friendship because the person you bully is likely targeted by the same people who bully you.

Therefore, wouldn’t it be better (and smarter) to take advantage of the common ground you share with this person and befriend them?

I guarantee that becoming a friend would be a win-win situation for you both!

3. You feign illness to keep from going to school or work.

Why? Because you know that once you walk through the entrance, bullies will be waiting to pounce. This is understandable. All you want is for the abuse to stop.

Therefore, you find excuses to stay home, where you can be safe. However, this only causes bad grades and poor work performance. Moreover, it can cause the school to charge you with truancy or to expel you.

If it’s a job, your manager can terminate you. Therefore, the best way to handle it is to find a way to transfer to a new school or begin looking for a new job.

Whatever the case, it’s best just to find a way to get out of the environment.

4. Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying: You resort to deception, con games, and trickery.

Many victims become master manipulators.

For example, a bullied girl in middle or high school may fake being pregnant to trick her classmates into leaving her alone. Also, she may do this in hopes of keeping others from physically attacking her.

Or, she may dress in bigger clothes to make her classmates wonder if she’s expecting. Therefore, she may not actually come out and lie about it. Girls are subtle like that.

The bullied girl may letting their curiosity build and cause them to continue asking if she’s pregnant. Then, after a while, she may use sarcasm and tell them she is. Moreover, she’ll do it knowing good and well that her classmates will take it and run with it.

So, the classmates will blab to everyone that the bullied girl is pregnant. It’ll work for a while and the joke will be on them.

Also, the girl knows that if her classmates find out she isn’t pregnant and try to call her on it, she can turn it back on them by saying,

“Awwww, no! I didn’t lie about that! Are you so dimwitted that you don’t know sarcasm when you hear it? Boy, you’re a bunch of freaking morons!”

However, this will backfire on her. Her classmates, especially, those who bully her, will be furious because they’ll know she tricked them.

Therefore, the bullying will increase exponentially.

5. Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying: You Self-Harm.

Self-harm can be fatal. Many victims of bullying have died due to self-harm. Some of the deaths are intentional and others unintentional. Still, if nothing else, you must know this.

Your bullies are NOT worth dying over. You must realize that you’re only giving your bullies exactly what they want. Bullies either consciously or subconsciously, wish to kill you.

Only most bullies don’t have the guts to commit murder because they know they’d land in prison. Therefore, they hope like the dickens that you do it for them. Yes. I said that.

Why do you think bullies tell their victims to kill themselves or that they’re better off dead? Understand that bullies want to harm you. So, don’t do it for them.

Suicide is not the answer. It’s a permanent fix to a temporary problem. Know that you won’t always be a target of bullying and what you’re enduring is only one chapter, not the entire book.

Please, love yourself enough to keep living. Know your worth. And know that your life matters and you have value.

6. You Get Emotional.

Remember that bullies always look for a reaction and enjoy seeing your pain. Don’t give them the satisfaction. Otherwise, they’ll keep coming back for more of that psychological payoff!

I understand that it hurts when people abuse you and I know the hopelessness it can bring. My heart goes out to you.

However, learn to see behind their behavior. In other words, learn the reasons bullies bully. I guarantee that you’ll feel so much better when you do.

Also, their bad treatment won’t effect you as much once you learn where their meanness comes from.

7. Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying:

You self-Medicate.

Drugs aren’t the answer either. The only thing it will do is ruin your health. Please love yourself enough to take care of your body. It’s the only one you’ve got and your bullies aren’t worth you getting sick.

8. You apologize too much.

When bullies target you, it’s easy to get into the habit of over-apologizing. And you do it emphatically, even when an apology isn’t necessary, to appease the abuser and avoid being harmed.

However, you must realize that a bully will take even a heartfelt apology and use it as a weapon!

Furthermore, your bullies will see it as confirmation that they’re right. Moreover, they’ll also see it as an admission that you are what they say you are, be it ignorant, clumsy, mentally imbalanced, whatever.

In short, any apology or admission serves bullies’ goals to re-enforce control over you.

In other words, to a bully without a conscience, “I’m sorry,” only reeks of surrender. Therefore, stop apologizing to them. They don’t deserve it.

Instead, find more powerful responses to use in place of an apology.

9. You Seek approval.

Hear this. You don’t need anyone else’s approval, especially the approval of bullies. The only approval that’s worth having is that of the people who love you for you and uplift you.

Therefore, don’t do anything to seek approval from people who don’t matter.

10. Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying:

You seek Attention.

The same goes for attention. You don’t need attention from these kinds of people. The only kind of attention you should have is that from people who love you and want what’s best for you.

Moreover, you don’t have to try so hard to get it from those who care the most about you. From them, it comes to you naturally.

Therefore, stop jumping through hoops for people who aren’t even worth your consideration. You’re better than that.

11. You Stay Silent Instead of Reporting it or talking about it

You don’t have to suffer in silence. Remember that bullying, as with any other form of abuse, thrives on you’re staying quiet.

Understand that you have a right to report it and you have a right to ask someone to help you. Moreover, you have a right to talk about it and tell your story.

If people are bullying you, don’t be quiet about it. Speak out!

This post lists the unhealthy ways of dealing with bullying so that you know what behaviors to avoid and seek better coping strategies.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

2. Beating Bullies at Their Own Game: 9 Insanely Easy Strategies

3. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

4. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

5. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

when you start seeing your worth as a human being

When You Start Seeing Your Worth,17 Amazing Changes Happen.

January 6, 2025January 7, 202513 Comments

‘Want to know all the amazing things that happen in your life when you start seeing your worth? Here are all the life changes you need to know.

Once you realize your worth, magical things begin to happen in your life. Amazing things you never thought possible!

In this post, you will learn all the awesome benefits that come when you start seeing your worth.

After you learn all these advantages, you will begin your journey to discovering just how much you’re loved and that you have a good purpose for being here.

This post is all about the amazing benefits you’ll see when you start seeing your worth so that you’ll be inclined to do the inner work and value yourself as a human being.

When You Start Seeing Your Worth

So, what happens when you start seeing your worth?

1. You refuse to have anything more to do with people who don’t.

Sadly, when you’ve suffered bullying, your self-esteem has taken a beating. Therefore, it’s too easy to feel you must cling to people who could care less about you.

However, once you begin seeing your worth, you begin weeding out all those who use and abuse you. You refuse to say around people who only tolerate you. This is because you value your time and some people aren’t worth one second of it!

Therefore, you refuse to make time for those who talk down to you or use you.

By kicking out the losers, you make room for better people to come into your life. In short, you start placing less value on the quantity of friends and focus more on quality of friends.

Therefore, you finally attract friendships that are fulfilling.

2. You stop settling for less than what you know you deserve.

In other words, you raise your standards. Not only are you selective of the people who come into your life. You begin applying for better jobs, and buying products of higher quality.

Moreover and most importantly, you command better service and better treatment. Therefore, you attract healthier people.

You accept nothing less than the best because you know you’re worth it!

3. When You Start Seeing Your Worth:

You’re no longer afraid to be alone.

You come to a place where you’d rather fly solo than put up with shoddy treatment. Moreover, you actually like being alone and prioritize your “me time” to relax and recharge.

Here’s another thing. You don’t toil over being single. You’re just as happy without a mate as you would be with one. Therefore, you’re willing enjoy your singleness until the right person comes along.

And when you get to where you enjoy your solitude, that’s when you know you’ve grown!

4. You begin loving yourself enough to know when it’s time to walk away from toxic people.

In other words, you’re no longer afraid to let go of fake friends and posers. And this goes even if a few of them happen to be those you love. And when you do let them go, you do it without concern over the outcome.

Moreover, you drop these people without guilt. Why? Because you know that it pays to be nit-picky of those you allow into your life.

5. You no longer give a damn what others think or say of you.

In other words, you’re not the least bit concerned with opinions. In fact, you actually embrace any dislike a few people have for you. Why? Because those people will no longer matter to you.

When you don’t care what other people think, you’re not afraid to put yourself and your needs first. Why? Because you realize that you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Therefore, you don’t feel guilty because you know that you must take care of yourself before you can take care of others.

6. When You Start Seeing Your Worth:

You’re no longer afraid to set boundaries.

This means that you have the guts to say “no” to things you don’t want. And when you say it, you mean it.

You’re also not afraid to stand up to people who cross the line with you. In fact, you’re willing to put on your bitch-face when the situation calls for it.

You don’t owe anyone a damn thing. You realize that respect is a two-way street. Therefore, you live by the mantra that others aren’t entitled to your respect. They must earn it!

7. When You Start Seeing Your Worth:

You give yourself permission to make mistakes.

Why? Because you know that mistakes are your best teachers. Therefore, you’re willing to learn from them. You also realize that no one is perfect. And that’s it’s okay.

8. You’re comfortable in your own skin.

In other words, you embrace the good, the bad, and downright ugly parts of yourself. You continue to feel beautiful whether you’re dressed in an evening gown or in your tee shirt, jeans and sneakers.

9. When You Start Seeing Your Worth:

You’re willing to take risks.

Why? Because you’re not afraid to fail. You know that if you do, you can always try and try again. Also, you know that if you try for long enough, you’ll eventually succeed.

So, you don’t quit. You keep going.

10. You look on the bright side.

In other words, you try to see the positive side to bad things that may happen. You may fail at doing this from time to time. However, you, at least search for the good side.

Therefore, your confidence doesn’t take such a big hit when things go wrong.

11. Your confidence goes through the roof.

In other words, you don’t fear rejection nor ridicule. Why? Because you realize that you’re just as good as the next person.

Again, you’re also not worried about who does or does not like you. Why? Because you like yourself, even if a few others don’t.

Therefore, you look forward to meeting new people.

12. When You Start Seeing Your Worth:

You’re a go-Getter.

In other words, if there’s something you want, you work hard for it. And you don’t stop until you get it.

If there are any roadblocks, you look for a detour. If you have setbacks, you keep working hard and power your way through it.

13. You work on your goals and follow your dreams.

If you have a dream, you aren’t afraid to strive for it, no matter how long it takes. Though haters and naysayers may try to discourage you, you pay them no mind.

Why? Because you see through the haters. You realize that their negative words only come from a place of jealousy. Moreover, you know that they’re only speaking from their own worldview.

Instead, you keep working toward your goals and dreams until you reach them.

14. You have nothing to prove to others.

You realize that the only person you must prove anything to is yourself. Therefore, you no longer feel the need to try to be someone you aren’t. Why? Because you know that your value is there even if others can’t see it.

you don’t waste time begging for approval. Moreover, you refuse to hang on to people who aren’t really your friends.

Therefore, you don’t waste your precious energy trying to impress those who aren’t worthy of you.

15. When You Start Seeing Your Worth:

You realize your potential.

You know who you are and what you’re made of. In other words, you are aware of your potential and the heights you can rise to.

You believe in yourself even if others don’t. And that’s what makes you so badass!

16. You’re not afraid to be yourself.

Therefore, you’re not afraid to be silly sometimes. In fact, you’re outgoing and others notice it.

Being fake takes too much work and you’re much too lazy to be fake. Therefore, you’re authentically you and it shows.

Moreover, you understand that fake personalities only draw in fake friends. you also know that to weed out toxic people requires you to be yourself.

In that, you keep the creeps at bay and make it a point to live life to the fullest.

17. When you start seeing your worth:

**You give Yourself the best gift of all – Freedom!**

Knowing your worth means self-acceptance. In other words, it means being okay with yourself, warts and all! Moreover, it’s giving yourself permission to feel those raw emotions any time some creep pisses you off.

Seeing your worth means freedom! The freedom to be human! To be you! And to celebrate yourself!

Therefore, get to know your worth and your life will change for the better!

This post is all about the life-changing things that begin to happen in your life when you start seeing your worth. Put simpler, it’s about the benefits you’ll reap once you do.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Never Chase People Who Don’t See Your Worth

2. How to Have Self-Respect: 7 Powerful Ways to Treat Yourself Well

3. Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

4. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

5. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

6. Disadvantages of Being a People Pleaser: 7 Consequences of Putting Yourself Last

Bullying and Banter: 9 Differences You Must Know

January 3, 2025January 3, 202516 Comments

‘Want to know the differences between bullying and banter? Here are the most common distinctions you need to know about.

In many situations, it’s tough to know the difference between bullying and banter. Are they laughing with you or at you? You may wonder.

In this post you will learn how to tell the differences between bullying and banter. Also, you’ll learn how to respond to bullies who try to make their bullying look like harmless fun.

Once you learn all these characteristics and how to tell them apart just by experiencing them, you will be better able to defend yourself when bullies try to disguise their abuse as teasing.

This post is all about the differences between bullying and banter and exactly what you can do to counter it.

Bullying and banter

“Can’t you take a joke!”

Bullies are notorious for that line when targets speak out and call them out on their abuse. It’s the most manipulative and dangerous, and popular excuse for crappy behavior.

Why? Because it uses social pressure to make you out to be a party pooper who doesn’t know how to relax and have a good time.

In other words, bullies use this old, worn-out comeback to cover themselves. Also, they employ this tactic to dupe bystanders and witnesses into believing that the abuse was just playful banter.

What’s worse is that it makes you look and feel like some dysfunctional whiner who’s just too sensitive and needs to lighten up.

But how do you know the difference between bullying and banter? Here are your answers:

1. There’s a power imbalance

With bullying, there’s always a power imbalance, and harm is intended. Also, the relationship is always harmful and abusive.

On the other hand, there’s no power imbalance with banter. In other words, each person is always on equal social footing with each other.

Banter is done strictly among friends, family members- people with equal power. There’s no harm intended, and people who exchange banter have a positive and fulfilling relationship.

2. In banter, people respect you enough to stay away from your “no-go zones”

Your “no-go zones” are often called your hot buttons or triggers. These are things that you’re insecure, embarrassed, or ashamed of.

Also, they can be any adverse experiences you’ve had in the past.

In banter, people know to stay away from those areas and won’t bring them up. Moreover, banter is never threatening to the other person.

Whereas, if it’s bullying, bullies will deliberately zero in on things they know you’re insecure about and will only continue to bring them up in front of an audience when they see that you’re upset.

3. The Difference between bullying and banter:

It all comes down to how it makes you feel and your relationship with the other person!

If nothing else, know this! Anyone you have a negative or hostile relationship with does NOT get the privilege to banter or joke with you! Ever!

Understand that banter is only reserved for the people you feel good about! Because they know your triggers and remember never to go near those tender areas!

4. Always read the person’s nonverbal body language

If the person is smirking and snickering instead of genuinely smiling and laughing out loud, that’s a sign of contempt, and it’s more than likely bullying instead of banter.

Sadly, anytime the bully plays the “Can’t-You-Take-A-Joke” card, it’s too easy for you to get caught off guard. This often leaves you speechless or paralyzed with humiliation.

Many victims end up so upset they walk away feeling indignant. Why? Because it’s sometimes difficult to adequately address the bully’s comeback without them gaslighting you and making you feel even lower!

How to Address This Kind of Bullying

Therefore, here is the perfect way to clap back at a bully who claims to be playing or joking. And, once you do this, you’ll walk away feeling great about yourself and that you handled it like a boss!

Bullying and Banter – Bullies Don’t get to Banter with you!

Shut them down by saying:

“Only my friends can joke with me like that! You’re not my friend, so you need to back off!”

Or,

“Newsflash! I don’t like you! You’re not my friend! So, you don’t get to say that, I don’t give a __ if you’re playing or not!”

And say it like you mean it! Then watch the bully pathetically slink away with their tail tucked between their legs! It has worked for me, and it’ll work for you too!

Harmless teasing, playful banter, and comedy are all okay with people you feel good around. Sadly, it’s something that seems to be dying out today.

Too many people get triggered anymore by anything. And bullies seem to be the very people who are easily triggered and are constantly looking for something to get offended over.

However, there’s a difference between harmless teasing and cruel jokes. It’s normal to be offended over cruel jokes because they can be harmful.

Bullying and Banter:

What’s the difference between harmless teasing and cruel jokes?

1. Cruel jokes poke fun of things you’re insecure about, such as your height, weight, nose and ear size, and other hot spots.

Harmless teasing stays away for those hot spots.

2. Cruel jokes continue even after you express hurt and discomfort.

Harmless teasing immediately stops if there’s even the slightest hint that you’re uncomfortable with it.

In short, harmless teasing is harmless and done all in good fun. Cruel jokes, on the other hand, can be damaging to a person’s self-esteem and should be avoided.

Bullying and Banter:

Are they laughing with you or at you?

Many targets are abused for so long that they simply lose trust in people and withdraw from everyone. Also, in social situations, many targets mistakenly assume that those they’re with are laughing at them when they’re really laughing with them.

Make this mistake and it can cause a rift between you and someone who’s a well-meaning friend. This is the last thing you want!

So, how can you tell whether someone is laughing with you or at you?

Here’s how:

1. Laughing with you

There’s always eye contact.

In other words, the person is looking at you and interacting with you while laughing. Moreover, you have a good relationship with the person and there’s no power imbalance. In other words, the person sees you as an equal and you know it.

Laughing at you

There’s absolutely no eye contact.

In fact, the person is looking around at everyone else but you while laughing. Also, you do not have a good relationship with the person. There may or may not be bad history between you and the person.

Therefore, here’s your cue to tell this person that if they think it’s a joke, it’s not and that they need to step all the way off!

2. Laughing with you

The person doesn’t hold the laughter in. Instead, the laughter happens automatically and spontaneously.

Laughing at you

The laughter usually pauses first. And they don’t laugh out loud but only snicker and snort. Some may cover their mouths while snickering.

Again, now’s the time to tell them to get bent.

3. Bullying and Banter: Laughing with you

How does the person treat you once the laughter is over? They’re generally good to you and they enjoy being around you.

Laughing at you:

On the other hand, the person treats you with contempt and they won’t hang around. They may even make a snide remark to you on their way out to go laugh at you behind your back.

Therefore, have nothing more to do with them.

It also depends on context.

4. Laughing with you

The laughter is deep and the person’s natural laugh.

Laughing at you

There’s “mocking laughter”, where the person imitates your laugh.

The person isn’t laughing because you’ve done anything wrong or foolish, or because there’s anything wrong with you. Instead, they’re laughing at you to bring you down.

Moreover, they’re doing it to boost their own social status or to feel better about themselves.

Therefore, tell this person exactly where they can go!

5. Bullying and Banter: Laughing with you

The person generally has good feelings toward you and is having fun or being playful.

Laughing at you

The person has a hostile and hurtful attitude toward you. They’re enjoying your pain, humiliation or weakness.

In conclusion:

The sooner you recognize these differences, the sooner you’ll avoid the wrong people. Moreover, the quicker you’ll be able to enjoy more rewarding relationships.

This is because you’ll be better able to recognize and avoid those who wish to inflict emotional harm. Moreover, you’ll have the confidence to stand up to them any time they get out of line with you.

And when your relationships flourish, just imagine the fun you’ll have with the people who truly love and care about you and how much better you’ll feel when you do!

This post was all about how to recognize bullying and banter so that you can respond appropriately and preserve your personal dignity.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

2. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

3. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

Fear of Setting Boundaries: 5 Reasons You Don’t Stand Up to Bullies

January 2, 2025December 31, 20247 Comments

‘Ever wondered why you have a fear of setting boundaries? Do you want to know what you can do about it? Here’s why you’re afraid to stick up for yourself and ways you can turn it around.

Many victims of bullying have a fear of setting boundaries. Why, because bullies have taken their confidence, self-esteem and personal power.

This is heartbreaking because when you’re too afraid to set boundaries, your human rights go out the window. Moreover, it makes for a miserable existence because you’re at the mercy of other people’s whims.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn why you have such a fear of setting boundaries and what you can do to change it and get your life back.

Once you learn all the reasons, you will be more compelled to squash that fear and begin acting and speaking in your own behalf. In that, you’ll eventually take back your autonomy and freedom.

This post is all about the fear of setting boundaries, why you have it, and what you can do to change it so that you can finally take back control of your life!

Fear of Setting Boundaries

All too often, victims of bullying have a hard time setting boundaries. Many just keep their mouths shut, grin and bear it while others wipe their feet all over them.

Therefore, they suffer in silence and obscurity, which only further damages their mental health. If being used as a rug hurts so much, why do they allow it to continue?

There are several reasons:

1. You don’t have the confidence.

Many targets of bullying, like you, feel helpless and simply think it wouldn’t do them any good. Therefore, they see no point in speaking up because they know that they’ll likely get bullied worse for it.

Remember that bullying, like any other form of abuse, thrives on your silence. Therefore, it takes confidence to set boundaries, which, sadly, is something few bullying victims have.

Also, as we know, bullies don’t respect boundaries because they don’t acknowledge them. In their minds, you’re a victim.

To them, you have no rights and deserve no human dignity. Bullies don’t see you as a human being, deserving of the same human rights as everyone else. That’s a fact.

Therefore, they feel they have carte blanche to abuse you and expect you to stay quiet about it. However, don’t be afraid to speak out in your behalf. Even more importantly, don’t fear standing up to the bullies.

Understand that you have just as much of a right as anyone else to defend yourself and to ensure your own safety. So, don’t wait on anyone else to help you. Protecting yourself from harm is your responsibility.

2. Fear of Setting Boundaries:

You feel powerless to stop the abuse.

Again, setting boundaries is anything but easy- it’s one of the hardest things to do after people have bullied you for so long. Why?

Because they’ve brainwashed you into thinking you’re to blame for their horrid behavior.

Many victims have been abused for so long that they’ve “gotten used to it.” In other words, bullies and their sycophants have conditioned the targets to take the abuse and allow them to ride roughshod over them.

Moreover, many times, targets have been fooled into believing that setting boundaries is selfish.

This is why you cave in to the bullies’ demands. You may feel it’s safer just to give them what they want and pacify them.

3. You fear the bullies will retaliate.

This is understandable. Bullies can put the fear of God in you if you don’t know your rights.

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying, you may badly want to tell your abusers to knock it off. You may want to tell them to get the hell away from you and stay away. You may even want to fight back, but you don’t know how they may react.

Another thing you don’t know is whether they’ll accept your boundaries, nor if they’ll want to accept them. Moreover, you know that there’s a chance the bullies may act violently toward you for having the chutzpah to speak against their abuse.

Bullies despise even a hint of opposition because they see it as your challenging their power and perceived authority. Therefore, they’ll do whatever they can to tighten their grip if they suspect you’re defying them. And sometimes, things get dangerous, and you must do it scared.

However, what you may not realize is this. When you set boundaries, you enact your autonomy and speak from a place of self-care and self-love. You decide what you will and won’t tolerate. Therefore, you take your power back.

4. Fear of Setting Boundaries:

You’ve been conditioned to believe you deserve the abuse.

If you’ve been bullied for a long time, your bullies may have gaslighted you into believing that you somehow deserve the abuse. However, let me assure you. You don’t!

No matter how they blame you for their behavior, I repeat, you do not deserve to be bullied. And I say this with full conviction!

Therefore, realize that bullies know that what they’re doing is wrong. They have to know it. Otherwise, they wouldn’t demand that you stay silent about the abuse. Moreover, they wouldn’t work so damn hard to convince you that you did something to make them behave the way they do.

They also wouldn’t spend the time searching for any justification for their bullying. And they wouldn’t constantly go around spreading falsehoods about you to everyone who’ll listen.

Remember, bullying takes a lot of work. In other words, bullies must work hard to maintain their phony facades and cover up their lies and abuse. Moreover, they must also work hard to keep you powerless.

5. You Fear Physical Retaliation.

I understand the intense fear of getting beat up. No one looks forward to being attacked on the playground, in the bathroom, or in the company parking lot.

However, if your bullies have threatened physical violence for defending yourself, then you must be willing to fight and not back down.

In other words, you either face your fear and fight back or continue being scared and living under the thumb of bullies.

The choice is yours. And you never know. If you fight back, you just might beat the living snot out of your bully and stop them from messing with you. It’s amazing what you can do when you’re in a survival situation!

Fear of Setting Boundaries:

Before you’re able to stand up for yourself, you must be clear of what you will not accept.

Again, it takes confidence to stand up to a bully. It would be best if you also gave up your old self-protective behaviors. In other words, stop the defense mechanisms you tried in the past that failed.

Why? Because these defense mechanisms are ways your bullies and a few other abusers in your life have conditioned you to respond.

So, what behaviors are we referring too here? In other words, what defense mechanism do you need to stop doing?

You must stop over-apologizing.
You must stop trying to explain yourself to anyone.
Stop trying to figure out what made the bullies so hostile.
Stop wondering what you did wrong.
You must stop wondering if something’s wrong with you.
You must stop asking, “why me.”

Before you can stand up to abuse, you must squash the mentality that compels you to use any of the ineffective measures above.

You must understand that all the why me, why this, why that, gets you nowhere. And all the wracking your brains wondering and trying to figure out what’s wrong also serves no purpose. It’s a complete waste of time and only makes you feel worse.

Instead, be real with yourself and conclude that your bullies are just a bunch of ignorant, moronic jackasses who lack character and live fake existences. Also, you must learn to trust yourself, which includes trusting your body and how it feels.

Moreover, trust everything you see, hear, feel, sense, and the vibes you pick up from the people around you. And finally, trust your decisions. And realize that, sometimes, it takes dogged determination to defend yourself from bullies.

In other words,

Even if your bullies rationalize and justify their behavior, you won’t take their crap.
Though they may blame you for their despicable behavior, you won’t take it.
Even if they tell you that you’re cr4zy or mentally imbalanced, you won’t accept their bullshit.
Though they call you a bitch, an asshole, or any other degrading name, you won’t put up with it.
Even if you made a mistake and your bullies call it out in an abusive manner, you won’t take it.
And, for the love of Pete! If the bullies commit physical violence, you definitely won’t take that! Put up those dukes and throw down if you need to! Or, if you must, get the police involved, file charges, and sue for any damages!

Fear of Setting Boundaries:

Understand that it’ll take calling your bullies out every single time they cross the line.

You can say:

“Stop it!”
“Cut it out!”
“Knock it off!”
“Get away from me!”
“Get out!”

You get power just by loudly giving either one of these commands. And who knows? I’m not making any guarantees here, but you might shock your bullies back to reality and make them leave you alone.

There were times when I was pleasantly surprised, and it worked for me.

You do not have to walk on eggshells around anyone! Know that you do have a choice and a voice. You can choose not to accept the bullies’ behavior. And, if nothing else, know this!

You have more power than you know. Fear is thinking you don’t have the power you actually do have.

So, stick to your guns and hold your ground!

This post was all about the reasons for your fear of setting boundaries and what you can do to squelch your fear and take back your power and your life.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Lack of Boundaries: 15 Signs You Need to Get Some

2. Physical Bullying: Should You Hit Back?

3. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. How to Have Self-Respect: 7 Powerful Ways to Treat Yourself Well

6. Forgiveness Does Not Require Reconnection