Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

Want to know the best methods of defending yourself from bullies that every victim of bullying should know? These are the successful defense tactics you need to know about.

defending yourself from bullies

Defending yourself from bullies can be terrifying and if you’re anything like me, you’re researching ways to protect yourself properly. Having once been right where you are now,  I’m giving you the most successful self-protection techniques you need to know and that I and many other overcomers of bullying swear by.

You will learn all about defending yourself from bullies, using best remedies that I and several other targets have taken to free ourselves from bullying once and for all.

After learning about all these strategies, you are going to be able to successfully counter your bullies’ attacks and take back control over your life.

This post is all about defending yourself from bullies, providing you the steps that every young victim of bullying must know.

Defending yourself from bullies and how you do it.

1. Know Your enemy.

This requires that you stand back and OBSERVE the people around you but without looking like you are watching them. Pay close attention to body language, facial expressions and tone of voice. I can’t stress enough the importance of this.

This is how you find out who the trouble makers are. If you see another person gossip and make trouble for others, you can be sure they will do the same to you. This is how you avoid bullies and save yourself a ton of drama.

2. Document everything!

Defending yourself from bullies also demands that you keep a journal and write down every bullying incident. Documenting each and every occurrence serves two purposes:

a. It establishes a written record, which is evidence that is admissible in court in case you decide to sue for damages.

b. Also, it allows you to keep everything organized and explain your side of the story in a clear and intelligible manner. In other words, it keeps you from rambling when reporting the bullying to a school official or company manager.

Always record the incidents using the 5-W method (What, Who, When, Where, Why, and sometimes How). In other words, you must write down the names of not only your bullies, but anyone present when the altercation took place.

Write down what happened and, include the names of authority members (teachers, principal, or any member of authority) present at the time of the incident.

You should also record the date and exact time. Very important!

Don’t forget to jot down where it happened. what happened and if possible, why it happened. Also, record what is said and by whom. Document every… single… detail!!

There will be more on the 5-W method of documentation in a future post.

3. Defending yourself from bullies means that you Don’t reveal any information about yourself that you would not want to be told.

 Never share anything private about yourself to anyone, including your friends. In other words, your business is your business and no one else’s.

Besides, you never know if your friend has another friend who is either your enemy or is somehow closely connected to one of your bullies. Also, if you are the target of bullies, you can be sure that your bullies will, at some point, either try to pry information about you out of your friends or they will turn your friends against you altogether.

Therefore, keep your private business to yourself.

4. Keep a low profile.

Don’t do anything that may undue attention to yourself. Also, stay away from places the bullies may gather.

Think, “Out of sight, out of mind.” Just don’t make it obvious to your bullies that you are ducking and dodging them. I avoided several confrontations by simply laying low.

Lastly, know that avoiding toxic bullies is not cowardice, it’s smarts.

5. Save any threatening texts, emails, and/or voice mails for evidence.

if possible, set your cellphone to record during any altercation brought on by a bully, provided it is hidden in your pocket. You certainly do not want the bully to know what you are doing.

Furthermore, keep your composure and be sure not to tarnish the recording by yelling or using foul language. The last thing you want is to give your bullies ammunition to do the old DARVO switcheroo and make you out to be the bully.

If you happen not to have a cellphone, keep a digital recorder handy (if possible) and be ready to record as soon as the torment starts.

However, before you record the bullying, make absolute sure you know the laws in your state concerning recordings. In some states, recording of others are against the law and your bullies would love nothing more than to have an excuse to sue you.

Again, make sure you get abreast to the laws in your state!

6. Defending yourself from bullies also means to never brag about any evidence you have against your bullies.

It just isn’t smart. Again, bullies have a knack for prying information out of people, even your friends.

Moreover, they can also turn your friends against you, making them more than happy to volunteer the information. Don’t do it!

Anytime you are a target of bullies, you are in no position to trust anyone!

7. Call the bully out in front of an audience, especially those in authority.

This is risky and could bring retaliation later. However, the bullies will also know that you are on to them and you just might intimidate them enough that they will leave you alone.

This happened for me on a few occasions. However, keep in mind that this doesn’t happen for everyone.

Calling the bullies out in front of people can also have the opposite effect.  Bullies absolutely despise humiliation, especially by anyone they deem inferior and they will only be that much more determined to get you.

So, pick and choose your battles wisely. Access the bully’s personality and the situation carefully before you decide to do this.

8. Have a strong set of beliefs and principles.

Defending yourself from bullies doesn’t only take physical strength, it takes a lot of mental toughness as well. When you have a strong set of beliefs and principles, you’re least likely to fall for lies and name-calling your bullies try to bombard you with.

Therefore, you’re least likely to allow them to influence how you see yourself or to cause you to make decisions and choices based on their approval. Instead, you will do what you know is best for you and what makes you feel happier and most alive.

9. be okay with who you are.

This is, perhaps, the most fundamental rule of all because, when you aren’t comfortable with yourself, you will be least likely to defend yourself. Realize that you are perfect just the way The Creator made you.

However, don’t confuse low self-esteem with the desire to improve yourself. Know that it’s okay if you strive for self-betterment.

We all have goals and aspirations. That goes for you, me, and everyone. The problem comes when you allow others’ opinions of you to change the way you view yourself.

Never put yourself down because bullies and everyone else is putting you down. In other words, no matter what they say or how they act toward you, do not, under any circumstances, lose sight of your worth.

Continue to value yourself and refrain from thinking that you should be like someone else. You are you. Be okay with it.

The trick is to practice self-acceptance and self-love while you improve.

10. walk away from All toxic people

Toxic people, AKA bullies, abusers, users, and losers, serve no purpose but to bring you down and keep you there. These people can also be fakes who pose as your friends.

Therefore, know that anyone who even subtly insults, guilt trips, or gaslights you does not deserve one micro-second of your time. You’d much rather be alone than with fake friends who throw zingers and backhanded compliments your way.

You’ll be much happier and at ease without them in your life. You’d much rather be alone than with people who make you feel like you don’t belong. So, be patient and better friends will come along. I promise you!

11. If a bully physically attacks you, hit them back.

This seems to be the question on everyone’s mind these days, especially in the notoriously politically correct climate in which we live. “Should I hit back if one of my bullies hits me?”

My answer is, “‘Damn right you should!

Although the media, politicians, and even big-name celebrities and influencers vehemently discourage fighting violence with violence, should you actually listen to them?

You hear school officials, managers, police personal, and others in positions of authority make statements, such as:

“Two wrongs don’t make a right.”
“Turn the other cheek.”
“Don’t stoop to the bully’s level.”

And the all-time favorite,
“Be the bigger person and walk away.”

But what if one of your bullies won’t let you be the bigger person and walk away? Then, what?

Understand that bullies don’t understand politeness, civility, nor diplomacy. The only language they know is raw power and brute strength. Therefore, when a bully physically attacks you, you have a God-given, primal right to defend yourself from being harmed. I state this with full conviction!

Yeah. I know it isn’t the “politically correct” thing to do. But when someone is harming you, all that jazz about political correctness and being the bigger person goes out the window, and the gloves are off.

The only thing you should think of at this point is how to disable your attacker. Additionally, you want to give them such a bad memory that they’ll never even think about laying so much as a finger on you again.

You aren’t a troublemaker or a brute for this. It’s self-defense and you’re well within your rights to defend yourself when someone attacks you.

Therefore, if a bully hits you first, haul off and knock their block off! And when you do, don’t just give him a love pat. Deck the creep with the strength of your entire body.

Your counter punch should be so hard that you knock the bully down and they have difficulty getting back up. Then unleash a hail of hard licks so that he doesn’t get up. Because once they get up, the person will charge you!

Again, self-defense is not a crime, it’s a right when a bully attacks you.

This post was all about defending yourself against bullies to help you ensure your safety and peace of mind.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. 4 Powerful Ways to Handle Physical Bullies

2. The Mindset Behind Physical Violence

3. Bullying and the Fight or Flight Response

important facts about bullying

Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

Would You like to know the Most Important facts about bullying? Remembering these truths will help you gather the courage you need to stand up to your bullies and bravely defend yourself against them.

important facts about bullying

There are 3 most important facts about bullying that you must learn if you want the courage to stand up to your bullies.  This can be very difficult, if not terrifying. However, it is an absolute must if you don’t want to waste years tiptoeing around your bullies only for them to keep coming back for you.  These essential truths are those I had to realize before I could muster the courage to stand up to my bullies and finally put a stop to the years-long nightmare I was living in.

Therefore, as a former target and eventual overcomer of bullying myself, I am writing this post to give you the 3 most important facts you must remember about bullies.

Once you learn these truths and keep them in the back of your mind, you will then be well prepared and able to stand your ground and defend yourself much more effectively.

This post is all about the 3 most important facts about bullying, which are truths that every victim of bullying should know.

Here are 3 Important facts about bullying:

1. You can never appease a bully.

Never! No matter what you do to satisfy the bullies and no matter how many times you tell them what they want to hear. You may submit to them and yes, they may go away and leave you alone for the time being. However, understand that the small reprieve bullies give you will always, ALWAYS… be very short lived.

It is because your submission has always worked and given your bullies what they want from you. In your submission, whether it’s telling the bullies what they want to hear, letting them cheat off you during an exam, or allowing them to take credit for your idea, you are rewarding their behavior.

Therefore, anytime bullies get rewards from bullying you, they will always come back for more. And the same goes whether you endure bullying in school, the workplace, or in your community.

Also, your bullies get instant psychological rewards just from your having to constantly creep and tiptoe around them. Why? Because it gives them a sense of power and domination. Realize that bullies are all about power… raw power! And they will never give that up. Not without a fight!

You can never submit your way out of being abused.

I cannot stress this enough. Again, you can never appease a bully. Any attempts to do so will only do the opposite of what you want. Trying to appease a bully only makes you appear weak to them. It then emboldens them to come back for more later because it is the very thing that has been working for them all along!

Consequently, you will spend years jumping through hoops and wondering when your bullies will be back in your face again. This is no way to live, and life is too short to waste one second being an emotional slave to someone else.

You must understand that eventually, you will need to take a hard stand before they will finally leave you alone for good. The last thing you want is to spend the rest of your life being someone else’s doormat.

there’s a reason why this is number one of the most important facts about bullying.

In other words, the only way to permanently deter your bullies is to get tired of it and confront them head-on when they come for you. Speak out against them, to their faces, if need be, and when you say what you must say to them, say it bluntly and mean it! Then, if they respond with physical threats and violence, be ready to hit back and defend yourself.

Sometimes it takes a final showdown before your bullies will finally give you the respect you deserve and go find another target to bully. Think of the movie “Tombstone.”

A band of bullies had terrorized an entire boom town and, in the process, killed one Earp brother and wounded another. Afterwards, Wyatt Earp and his buddies made their final stand, hunting down each member of the Cowboys gang and all but eradicating them, which caused them to eventually disband.

This is not to say that you should go hunt your bullies down, but you get the point.

2. The Second of the most Important Facts About Bullying is That Bullies thrive on your fear of retaliation and further harm.

Know that your fear of retaliation and suffering further harm is understandable because it is a natural human response to danger. So, in no way am I blaming you for it.

However, you must realize that your bullies thrive on your perfectly normal fear response, and they will exploit it every chance they get! And why not?

Your fear has thus far gotten them what they want from you. It has rewarded your bullies both psychologically and, more than likely, materially. So, why would they stop now or ever for that matter?

Understand that rewards feel good! And if it feels good, humans want more and more of it! So, again, why would your bullies stop trying to get more of it? Moreover, why would they stop doing the very things to you that they’ve been doing that have, time and time again, proved to be successful?

Human nature only dictates that your bullies will always come back for more rewards! And they will return to the source of the rewards (you) and repeat the same methods by which they have been successful in attaining these rewards.

For example, if a prospector finds a goldmine loaded with gold and there’s nothing to stop him from stealing it, he’s not going to stop mining for it just because there’s more gold in it than he can carry. No. He’s going to return to the mine later to get more gold. Consequently, if there’s no barrier to stop him, he will keep going back for more until there’s no more gold left in the mine.

if there’s more free gold in the mine, why not go back for it?

People are greedy like that, and bullies are no exception to this rule when it comes to power. You are the goldmine, and your personal power is the gold the bullies keep coming for more and more of. And, each time they return, they will chip away more and more of your self-esteem to get that gold.

Therefore, the trick here is to stop supplying “the gold.” Stop rewarding their behavior and set boundaries! Remember that mine owners usually had armed guards posted to keep it from being robbed by greedy prospectors. The guards are the boundaries for the mine. They protect the mine by keeping the robbers out.

Also, nations have boundaries to keep out foreign invaders. And people should have them as well to ward off others who would otherwise use and abuse them.

In most cases, realizing these truths will make you angry. Then, you will grow so sick of being crapped on that you get angry with yourself for having allowed them to abuse you for so long. Also, you will reach the point where you stop caring how the bullies respond.

In other words, you will be willing to face the possibility of getting beat within an inch of your life, but you won’t care anymore. Damn the consequences!

Your attitude will be, “They may whip me, but I’ll go down swinging and get a few good licks in! I’ll leave a few marks on them and they’ll know I’ve been there!”

You will be so furious that you’ll flatly refuse to live in fear any longer, come what may.

3. Bullies only understand strength and power. They do not understand reason, diplomacy, nor politeness.

You cannot handle bullies with kid gloves. In other words, there are no nice or polite ways to handle them or to set boundaries. Bullies only see niceties, pleasantries, and politeness as weaknesses to exploit and manipulate.

Also, you can never reason with bullies. Bullies only perceive any form of diplomacy and reasoning to be signs of weakness or worse, ploys to manipulate them.

Therefore, you must communicate with your bullies in the only language they understand. You must meet them exactly where they are. When you set your boundaries, you must do it firmly and bluntly. And mean it!

You cannot just set boundaries and expect your bullies to respect them. You must also enforce those boundaries with consequences because bullies will see this as a challenge. And you can best believe they will rise to that challenge.

In other words, they will violate your newly established boundaries just to dare you and to prove to you that they can. And when you do, make sure that the consequences are severe enough to make them stop! The consequences must be so severe that your bullies won’t even want to look in your direction again, much less mess with you.

You must speak from a position of power and strength.

To put it figuratively, unleash hellfire and put the fear of God in them! Think Hiroshima and Nagasaki after the Pearl Harbor attack. Japan never attacked us again afterwards. We eventually won their respect, and they became one of our closest friends. And we continue to be friends with Japan today.

Here it is, in a nutshell. When you’re dealing with bullies, it’s either put up or shut up.

Again, you must realize these truths before you reach your limit and decide to finish it once and for all. Also, the bullying you suffer may get worse before it gets better. Why? Because bullies always fight the hardest when they know they’re losing their power over you.

Therefore, don’t give up. Stick to your guns. And know that eventually, after you severely school, beat, and humiliate your bullies enough times, they will eventually get the message, give up and go find another chump to jerk around.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

This post was all about the most Important facts about bullying. knowing these truths will help you be more knowledgeable so that you don’t waste any more time spinning your wheels for nothing.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

reasons why people bully

Reasons Why People Bully – 7 Most Common Motives

Are you a victim of bullying who has been desperately trying to figure out the reasons why people bully? The first step to overcoming bullying is to know your enemy. Listed below are the 7 most common reasons.

reasons why people bully

Bullies are unpredictable and if people are bullying you, you probably don’t understand the reasons why people bully. As someone who has experienced bullying and has researched it for several years. I’m giving you the answers you’ve been looking for.

Therefore, you will learn the most common reasons why people bully, whether it’s insecurity, or jealousy, or other motives.

After learning about all of these most common reasons, you will be able to better prepare yourself for the next time your bullies approach you.

This post is all about the most common reasons why people bully that every victim should know.

Most Common Reasons Why People Bully:

1. the desire for Power.

Bullying is all about power, domination, and control. Bullies get a massive rush of power at your expense. Moreover, power is addictive. It is like a drug and bullies can never get enough of it. To bullies, bullying is an aphrodisiac, it feels good to them.

You must understand that targeting others to attack and harm is how some people find meaning in their lives. And the power they get through their meaningless lives is in the mistreatment of their victims. Simply put, bullies bully because they enjoy it!

People crave power, fame, notoriety, and influence, even the best of them. But most people can get those through love and through their hobbies, jobs, talent, and creativity. Bullies, on the other hand, don’t have these things going for them. Some might have jobs but aren’t satisfied in their positions. So, they abuse people to gain the desires they can’t gain any other way.

Without victims Bullies Have No Power

Again, bullies either can’t get those benefits any other way, or they can’t get enough of them. So, for them, destroying the lives of their targets is the only power they have.

Moreover, once their victim is no longer available to them because he’s either quit, moved, or committed suicide, the bullies’ drug isn’t there anymore. Therefore, they search for another target to get their next fix because bullies need authority over somebody, anybody.

Understand that this “fix” always wears off, and it wears off quickly. Bullies consistently need another dose, and another and another. If they cannot find another easy target, preferably someone outside their peer group, they will eat their own. In other words, they will turn on one of their friends in their social circle and target them.

Here’s another thing to think about. Bullies usually pick jobs that give them power and a title. They usually aspire to become politicians, teachers, correctional officers, police officers, supervisors, managers, and the like.

2. The most common Reasons Why People Bully include The Need for a Scapegoat

Many bullies need a scapegoat to unload all their own insecurities on. In other words, they need someone to blame for their own faults and to take all their hurts, anger, and frustrations out on. Always remember this. Bullies need victims because they need scapegoats.

Moreover, the use of a scapegoat is nothing new. People have used them for many millennia!

The idea of a scapegoat comes from the Old Testament of the Bible. People gave burnt offerings to cleanse themselves of sin and they would sacrifice a lamb and burn it.

So, when bullies scapegoat their victims, they use the victim as a sacrificial lamb to project all their wrongdoings and imperfections on. Understand that bullies need targets to blame their stupidity and bad behavior on.

Here’s another example:

During the Medieval Period, scapegoats were used by kings to make sure the monarch’s hands stayed clean- or, more appropriately, looked clean.

Back then, it was common practice to blame and execute scapegoats for the wrongdoings of kings. Blaming them, then putting them to death kept the scapegoats quiet and the kings unquestioned, above reproach, and looking good. Bullies do the same today, only in different ways.

Furthermore, bullying and scapegoating go hand in hand. The purpose of scapegoating is for bullies to project blame and continue to appear as good, upstanding people.

Put simpler, bullies force another person to accept blame for sins of which they, themselves, are guilty so that they can go on living in blissful denial. Sadly, the person blamed is often innocent, has the least power, and is least likely to fight back. The person is then punished and sacrificed.

Remember that bullies are cowards. If you’re a victim or target of bullying, this is a way bullies can avoid any accountability and live in the safely of denial while continuing their evil deeds, causing harm to others.

3. The Desire for Social Status.

The reasons why people bully often include the desire for social status. And usually, it works like a charm. The reason it works so well is that the social status of the bully skyrockets, while that of the target plummets.

For many people, having the respect and admiration of their peers is of more value to their sense of self-worth than money and material wealth. Although one can achieve elevated social status through wealth and material things, it can also be attainable though bullying if the bully doesn’t have those things.

Bullies who are poor will often bully you out of insecurity and the social status they achieve from it is compensation for the money and material things they don’t have. On the other hand, if the bully does have money and material wealth, the social status he gets from bullying is just icing on the cake.

Bullies Who are Poor are Known for These Tactics

However, most bullies aren’t affluent. Therefore, the only way they can achieve social status is by demeaning others and exploiting their mistakes, flaws, and shortcomings. In other words, bullies will take the tiniest mistake, add to it, and make it bigger.

In short, they increase their social ranking by decreasing yours.

But remember this. Bullying is not a healthy way to move up the social hierarchy. A healthy way of increasing one’s social ranking requires some type of achievement, such as joining a positive movement or donating to a charity.

Sadly, the world is, by default, quick to blame a person for any negative qualities or actions while slow to forgive or to give credit for good deeds. Bullies instinctively know this and take full advantage of it.

However, again, you must understand that people who rely on their ability to bully others out of existence to achieve social gain can never achieve it any other way. It’s the only way these bullies can have power.

4. Group Cohesion and Unity Are One of The Reasons Why People Bully

It’s no secret that bullies usually bully in packs.

Therefore, bullies garner support from others who are just like them and who share the same values and opinions. After all, bullying is most effective in group situations, where people unite to serve a certain objective. Bullies never work alone. They always have backers.

There is strength in numbers. Group bullying not only gives talentless bullies a sense of belonging, but it also tightens the bonds among members of the group.

Furthermore, this collective bullying gives them more anonymity. Also, in a group bullies are more successful in bringing the target down than if the bullies worked alone.

This usually requires that the bullying group have a hated enemy (you) that they can unite against.

In Robert Greene’s book entitled, “The Laws of Human Nature,” I once read that everyone needs a hated enemy and that there’s a positive side to having one. I’ve found that with packs of bullies, this is true.

Bullies in groups need an enemy, whether real or imagined, that they can band together and fight against. They need an “us-versus-them” object. Why? Because the presence of an enemy has always served to strengthen group cohesion and unite and tighten members. Groups reflexively focus on their hated target as a means for further solidarity.

You, the victim provide the bullies the assurance that their group always stays together as one. Without you as their victim, their group is weak and things get boring fast.

Therefore, once you leave the scene and move on to a better environment, it won’t be long before they split up and go their separate ways.

However, know this. These types of people are the talentless, the lazy, the insignificant, and the incompetent. They have no redeemable qualities, no personalities, and no real intelligence.

You must see these bullies exactly as they are- empty suits with zero substance. And, once you see them clearly, your confidence won’t take such a big hit when they come for you.

5. To Seek Attention.

Bullies will bully just to get attention. They not only want attention from you, but more than likely, they want attention from bystanders.

In other words, by making you look small, the bully makes themselves look big in the eyes of bystanders who don’t know any better. This goes back to number 3, The Desire for Social Status.

But realize that this is the only way the bully can get the attention he craves. It’s really pathetic when you think about it. This realization alone should give you a confidence boost because you don’t have to resort to such behavior to get attention.

6. one of the common reasons why people bully is also One-Upmanship

One-upmanship is another one of the most common reasons why people bully.

Bullies can’t handle the successes of anyone, especially if it’s achieved by anyone they deem inferior. Realize that a bully’s feelings of power and superiority come by one-upping you, their victim.

Therefore, anytime you succeed at anything, it will undermine your bullies’ sense of superiority.

Realize that your bullies need to be better than you, at everything and when you have a talent you’re exceptional at, it only arouses their jealousy and desire to take you down a few pegs.

So, be prepared for your bullies to look for and find one of your weaknesses and exploit it just to soothe their bruised egos.

Also, look for your bullies will use their social status to one-up you with. Or, if your bullies are athletes and you’re a musician, they may remind you that they’re better at sports than you will ever be.

However, you must know where these tactics come from. Your talents and success are threats to your bullies’ power because they undermine their superiority over you.

7. To Contain Threats.

Bullies always intensify their bullying when you become a threat to them somehow.

For example, you have been bullied by the same people for years and finally decide to break your silence and speak out about it. When you began to call out the bullying and assert your rights not to be abused, you are then a threat to your bullies.

Why? Because you’re exposing their bad deeds before the entire world.

Remember that bullies thrive on the silence of their victims. Once the victim speaks out and provides proof,  the bullies risk exposure. With it, they risk losing face and their social standing in a school, workplace, or community.

Therefore, look for your bullies to use tactics against you, such as lies, gaslighting, smear campaigns, and the like. They may even confront you with an angry tirade.

But realize that your bullies are only operating out of fear and desperation. Fear and desperation renders a person not to think clearly. As a result they end up making stupid mistakes and exposing themselves for who they are.

I’ve seen it happen.

This post was all about the most common reasons why people bully and was written to help you see where the attacks are coming from. seeing behind the behavior helps you better prepare your response so that you can buffer your self-esteem and preserve your confidence.

related posts:

1. A Bully’s Power is Your Lack of Knowledge

2. Bullying for Increased Social Status

3. Why Bullies Need a Hated Enemy to Unite Against

Instantly Expose Bullies

7 Secrets to Instantly Expose Bullies

Instantly Expose Bullies

‘Want to know how to instantly expose bullies for who they are and get your life back? We must learn how to do this effectively if we even hope to regain peace in our lives and reclaim our personal power.

in this post, you will learn 7 secrets to instantly expose bullies.

Fortunately, there are several things you can do to rip the mask off and keep yourself safe. Introducing, 7 secrets to instantly expose bullies and unleash your power. These are things that I learned through trial and error and wish I had known when I was young and enduring bullying myself.

However, know that there will be a certain degree of risk involved. But also know that you take a risk each day by walking outside. Risk is something no one can escape unless they want to live a meaningless life.

  1. Know your enemy.

    How you do this is to stand back and always OBSERVE the people around you, but without looking like you are watching them. Pay close attention to body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. I can’t stress enough the importance of this. This is how you find out who the trouble makers are.

    In other words, if you see another student gossip and make trouble for others, you can be sure that in time, they will do the same to you. This is how I now know who to avoid at all costs. However, be advised that avoidance will not work if you have a determined bully after you. If a person wants to get to you badly enough, they will seek you out until they find you.

  2. Document everything.

    As it has been said, “if it isn’t documented, it never happened”. Keep a journal and write down everything. I did this in junior high and high school just in case one of my bullies either hurt me bad enough to hospitalize me, or worse…killed me.

    Moreover, you must write down the names of your bullies, the names of any bystanders or authority (teachers, principal, or any member of authority) present at the time the altercation took place, the date, time, place it happened, what happened and if possible, why it happened. Also, record what is said and by whom. Document every… single… detail!!

3. Never reveal anything that you wouldn’t want anyone to know.

You’ll be asking for trouble and it’s better to be safe than sorry. You never know when your bullies might turn them against you. And once they do, you can be sure that your former friends will be more than happy to tell all!

4. Keep a low profile.

Don’t do anything that may draw attention to yourself. And stay away from places the bullies may gather. Think, “Out of sight, out of mind.” Just don’t make it obvious to your bullies that you are ducking and dodging them. I avoided several confrontations by simply laying low.

However, if the bullies do seek you out, they will risk exposing themselves because the people who know you and aren’t influenced by the bullies will see what is going on and know they are stalking you.

So, keep that in mind as well.

  1. Save any threatening texts, emails, social media messages or voicemails. 

And if possible, set your cellphone to record during any altercation brought on by a bully, provided it is hidden in your pocket. You certainly do not want the bully to know what you are doing.

Also, keep your composure and be sure not to tarnish the recording by yelling or using foul language. Schools are now becoming more aware of the issue of bullying. If you happen not to have a cellphone, keep a digital recorder handy (if possible) and be ready to record as soon as the torment starts.

  1. Never brag about any evidence you have on your bullies.

Not even to your best friend…PERIOD! Again, bullies have a knack for prying information out of people, even your friends. They can also turn your friends against you, making them more than happy to volunteer the information. Don’t do it! Anytime you are a target of bullies, you are in no position to trust anyone!

  1. Call the bully out in front of an audience. 

This is risky and could bring retaliation. However, the bully will also know that you are on to him/her and you just might intimidate them enough that they will leave you alone. It happened for me on a few occasions. But keep in mind that this doesn’t happen for everyone.

Calling the bully out in front of people can also humiliate the bully and make that person more determined to get you. So access the bully’s personality and the situation carefully before you decide to do this. Also, you could, very slyly, force the bully to expose him/herself. You can learn how, right here.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

11 Nonverbal Secrets Instantly Wins Friends


Close to ninety percent of our language is nonverbal. In other words, body language (actions) speaks louder than words ever will. All too often, when bullies have attacked you for an extended period, your self-esteem and mental health suffer. Even worse, people will see it through your everyday body language, and you won’t realize it’s happening.

Consequently, most targets only attract more bullies and bullying because their body language changes with time as they endure daily abuse. The target’s body language will transform from confident to diffident– meaning lack of confidence. This is the reason many targets have few friends.

Why do most targets of bullying have difficulty making friends?

This is because, if others see insecurity in you, you won’t attract healthy people into your life. You’ll only attract users and more abusers. Why? Because, as a matter of human nature, healthy and secure people stay away from people who give off signals of low self-esteem and depression. On the other hand, you’ll only attract predators- people who fake a friendship to either exert control over your life or to get something from you.

Moreover, nonverbal signals, such as lack of eye contact, looking down, fake smiles or no smile at all, make the target appear unapproachable. It’s the same with closed body language, such as crossing the arms over the chest.

charming older woman

It’s not your fault.

Naturally, this is not the target’s fault. It is just something that happens after a person has endured abuse for so long. However, confident body language is something that well-meaning people in your life can teach you. Even better, you can even teach yourself and practice it when you read the right books that teach it. And once you perfect it, you will instantly attract faithful friends and better people into your life.

Here are 11 powerful tricks you can use to instantly win friends:
  1. Smile! And smile genuinely!

Smiling at people shows that you approve of them and are open to friendships. It also conveys confidence and confidence is where it’s at! However, people can easily spot a fake smile and it will only turn them off. A fake smile repels people, or worse, invites more bullying. Fake smiles only hurt more than help.

charming man

  1. Make good eye contact.

When you make good eye contact, you show others that you genuinely respect and are interested in them. People love those who take an interest in them. Therefore, when you’re engaged in conversation with someone, look them in the eye. Just don’t overdo it or you’ll seem creepy. Just find that happy middle.

  1. Stand up straight.

Bad posture, such as slouching and hunching only conveys insecurity and low self-esteem. So, stand up straight and walk with purpose. Also, throw in a few power poses when you stand- feet shoulder-width apart and with your hands on your hips with your thumbs on the front of your waist. This also signals confidence. Also, it can keep bullies away because when a bully sees someone do this, they think twice before messing with the person. Why? Because their body language is signaling confidence and, more importantly, power! And if there’s one thing bullies understand, it is power!

  1. Practice open body language.

This will instantly make you more approachable. Put simpler, open body language means keeping facing the people you talk to and keeping your whole body turned toward them. When you do this, you’re signaling that you’re interested in what the other person has to say.

  1. Slightly lean in when you talk to someone.

Again, this shows that you are fully engaged and interested in what the other person is saying. However, only do it slightly to avoid invading your interlocutor’s personal space. Make sure to do this properly and you will build rapport with the people you speak to. Also, they will be more likely to trust you.

  1. Nod when you agree with the person you’re talking to.

Nodding not only shows that you are listening and fully engaged. Also, it conveys understanding and agreement. Nodding is a very powerful form of communication and often gets amazing social results!

charming kid

  1. Use hand gestures when you speak.

Using hand gestures can help you to think and express your thoughts and feelings more clearly. Moreover, it conveys understanding, energy and warmness.

  1. Relax!

If you want people to feel at ease around you, relax when you’re having a conversation with them. There is nothing worse than talking to someone who seems nervous and tense. It weirds people out big time! Therefore, always relax around others. Having body language that is relaxed conveys that you’re comfortable and confident with yourself and in turn, others will be comfortable and confident with you.

  1. Put away your phone.

There is nothing worse than talking to someone who has their face in their phone, texting. It conveys that they’re more interested in what’s on their screen and not what you have to say. It is downright rude and disrespectful. So, lose the phone when you’re in conversation with someone. It’s just good social etiquette.

charming woman

  1. Be aware of where your toes are pointed.

If you’re in a conversation with someone and your toes aren’t pointed toward them, it only conveys that you don’t want to be with the person and want to go elsewhere. Now, some people don’t think about the feet but those who are the most aware of body language cues will. Therefore, always stand with your feet and toes pointed toward the person you’re talking to. It signals that you want to move toward them, that you’re happy to see them and speak with them.

  1. Make sure your body language is congruent with your words.

This is so important! If you’re saying one thing and your body language doesn’t match, you will come off to others as fake and insincere. As a result, they won’t take you seriously and will be repelled by you. Nobody likes fake. So, more than anything else, be sure that your nonverbal cue are in line with your verbal ones.

When you begin practicing these techniques, they may feel weird at first. However, don’t quit. Practice them every day until they become second nature. Then, watch the magic unfold as people instantly become warmer and more receptive toward you. And you will make terrific friends in the process.

Just as it’s important to know what body language to use to make friends, it’s also equally as important to know what body language to avoid.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

I Challenge You to Love Yourself

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When people target you for bullying, loving yourself can be very difficult. How can you feel good about yourself when it seems that the only thing you hear from others is negativity? People constantly bombarding you with ugly names, cruel taunts and attacks, even for a short time, makes life harder than what it needs to be.

However, over a long period of time,it can have a cumulative and devastating effect on your self-esteem. And if you aren’t careful, you too will begin to believe the cruel falsehoods that mean-spirited others tell you.

Nevertheless, no matter how viciously others may treat you, it’s imperative that you do everything possible to hold on to self-love! Even if you have to look at yourself in the mirror every day and make positive affirmations.

Loving yourself is the most important thing you can ever do for yourself.

“I AM a good person”

“I AM worthy of being loved”

You must maintain your self-esteem and never let anyone brainwash you into thinking that you are less than.

 

You must love and respect yourself before anyone else can love and respect you. Also, you must take care of YOU. You must command respect and love from others, including toxic family members that you love dearly. And be willing to make some very difficult decisions in order to receive that love and respect.

Sometimes, you have to walk away, knowing full well that there is always a chance that the person may never see your worth. And this means coming to a place where you no longer care even the slightest about the outcome.

self-love sometimes means making difficult, even heartbreaking decisions.

However, there is a strong chance that your value will go up in that person’s eyes and they will eventually see your worth and treat you better than you ever thought possible. It may not happen overnight. In fact, it may take up to several years, but it can happen.

If, by chance, it does not happen, realize that you did not turn your back on the person because you did not love them, but only because they did not love you enough to treat you with the love and respect that you know in your heart of hearts that you deserve.

You must love yourself or nobody will love you. Never look outside of yourself for love and validation. Never depend on others for assurance of your value. Let love come from within your heart!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Why You Should Unlock Your Confidence

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Confidence is the most important characteristic you can ever have. Not only does it ward off bullies in school, it brings you good things all through life. It does not matter how smart you are or how high your grades are.

You can have five PhDs and be the smartest person on the face of the earth. But if you don’t have confidence, you will not be able to effectively communicate nor interact with people. Your social/people skills will be lacking and you won’t get anywhere in life.

confidence brings positive change in your social life

Whether you choose to believe this, the reality is that other people really do have control over whether we succeed or fail in life. Other people are the gatekeepers to our success and if you think otherwise, you are only fooling yourself.

I’ll give you a few examples: You can’t get that high position you want without being selected for the job by another person- the interviewer, who could be the owner of the company, an HR manager, or supervisor.

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Even during school, although the vast majority of teachers and professors are honest and grade students fairly regardless of how they may feel about the individual, it’s still not unheard of for a student to receive a failing grade solely because the instructor didn’t like them. It does happen, though not often.

Confidence= great people skills= charm= great friends and connections= success!!! Great people skills will always trump smarts, good grades, high marks, and college degrees! Always!

confidence or lack of it always shows.

Confidence, or lack thereof, is something that people notice right away when they meet you for the first time. When you walk into a job interview and meet your interviewer, he is going to notice right away whether you are confident in yourself and if you’re not, chances are very unlikely that you will get hired for that esteemed position that you have been coveting. The reason for this is that if you’re not confident in yourself, how then can you expect others to be confident in you?

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Make no mistake about it. Confidence is the number one ingredient in all areas of your life. It’s the first trait that potential employers look for and not only potential employers but also prospective associates, prospective customers, friends, and dates. Whether or not you are confident is something that everyone looks at unless they are so low on confidence themselves that they can’t afford to be the least bit selective.

guard your confidence and self-esteem as you would your life!

This is why you must never let a bully take away your confidence. If another person has already taken it away, you must fight like crazy to get it back. You do this by surrounding yourself with people who love you and lift you up, doing the things you enjoy and are good at, showing off your talents, taking care of yourself, and taking pride in yourself and in your appearance. Only then will you begin to see your own worth.

If a person steals your confidence, they also steal your potential for success and happy life. In short, they steal your future. Bullies are confidence thieves! Never surrender your confidence to anyone! This brings me back to Ralph Waldo Emerson. He said it best when he made this quote:

“If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the universe against me.”

How right he was!

4 Powerful Ways to Handle Physical Bullies

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Many bullies bully their targets by using physical violence and force, or the threat of it. Nobody wants a bully to harm them and you shouldn’t feel any shame nor blame in that.  So, instead of just standing there and letting the bully pound on you or continue to threaten you, you must defend yourself. But if you aren’t the kind who believes in throwing punches, how do you protect yourself without resorting to violence?

Here are a few ways:

1. Talk your way out of the altercation.

You do this by giving the bully a small dose of (false) empathy and sympathy. Pretend like you feel bad for “the poor guy” and use the appropriate tone of voice and body language to make it sound convincing. And your body language and tone should match your words and convey empathy.

For example, you can begin with, “I understand why your upset about XYZ…” then state your case.

physical bullying

But don’t overdo it! Don’t say any more than what you need to say, don’t talk too fast or look nervous. The last thing you want is to come off like you’re trying too hard because the bully will only think you’re scared or fake.

2. If talking doesn’t work, leave the situation (if possible).

Find a way to get way away from the person. If you can’t get away because the bully has either cornered or trapped you, then, by all means, fight your way free if you have to. Although you may not want to resort to hitting back, sometimes you have no choice. You either fight or get your butt handed to you.

3. Call for help. Call 911 and get the police involved.

The bully may get away with it, but at least you will have a record of the call and a police report on file should the bully come after you again.

bullying fighting

4. If all else fails, FIGHT!

Sock the bully in the nose! Sometimes, you must use the last resort for self-defense. You’ve tried everything else so you have a record on the bully. Chances are that others will know you fought in self-defense and give you a pass, which is another benefit to establishing a recorded history of your bully’s bad behavior.

You can’t go wrong with establishing a recorded history of bad behavior. A trail of records will go a long way in protecting you. Also, it helps to have foreknowledge of the 3 signs that verbal abuse will turn physical.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

7 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

One thing I’m certain of is that every target of bullying, has at some point asked either themselves or another person these questions: “Why am I always to blame?” and “Why do my tormentors often get away with tormenting me?”

Here are the answers, and there are many:

1. Bullies are very convincing liars.

Bullies have been lying and covering up bad behavior all of their lives. They have been doing this for long enough that they have learned what works and what does not work. They are master manipulators who acquire great skill in the arts of deception.

Bullies are also very good at rationalizing and justifying their unacceptable behavior. They are wordsmiths and con artists, who often use charm to deceive those in authority.

2. Bullies often use projection.

They project all their faults and shortcomings onto their targets, making the target look like the bully and themselves look like the victim. When they face possible accountability for their evil actions, they often cry and feign victimhood. This tactic is usually employed by female bullies.

3. Bullies are very charming to the right people.

Consequently, people can use this as another weapon against a target. Bullies seem to emit an oozing charm. Because of this, they have a way of winning people over and making them their allies.

The reason charming bullies use their good reputations as a weapon against any target is because, with this good name, the bully has everyone (except the target) fooled. Others cannot believe that “this sweet, innocent, pretty little girl” would harm anyone. Take a look at the outgoing guy that everyone loves.

No one is going to believe that this “fine young man” would ever beat up a smaller boy unless he was provoked.

4. Because this person has so many friends who cherish them.

Even if these friends did witness them undertake any wrongdoing, they will still more than likely cover-up for the bully out of loyalty and place the blame on the target.

5. There is strength in numbers.

Most bullies have a large number of friends behind them. And people in large numbers wield a cumulative power that can be overwhelming even for the greatest, toughest, strongest, most intelligent individuals. To put it plainly, if enough people actively hate a certain person, that person is powerless, no matter how strong, smart, beautiful, or easy-going they may be.

6. Bullies use gaslighting.

In other words, they add their own spin to make you look and feel like the villain or by laying guilt trips- trying to convince you that it’s your own fault or that the abuse is just your imagination. Bullies are masters at this, especially female bullies who use feminine charm to deceive bystanders and authority figures.

7. Bullies malign you to others to destroy your good name and credibility:

Moreover, they recruit followers and start a campaign of hate and viciousness against you by way of rumors, lies, and trying to turn your friends against you. This occurred to me regularly in school. My bullies would do this for my having the gall to stand up to them and refuse to take their abuse.

There were several different benefits from the execution of this strategy.

1. It could be used to protect one another from being labeled by a teacher and getting a bad reputation. Most who have been in school have a least gotten into two fights, which sounds perfectly normal.

2. Destroying the target’s name with the staff would lessen any chances of him being listened to, should the target run and “tattle” to members of the authority. Again, protecting them from discipline at school and allowing them the freedom to do whatever they want to the target whenever they feel like it.

3. It’s used to silence the target and make him/her afraid to report the bullying or speak out about it.

Schoolboy angel with wings and halo concept for being clever, good, successful in education or smug

Targets get the blame because, sadly, the attitudes of most bystanders and members of authority are these:

“Why would so many kids have it in for her if she’s not provoking them somehow?”

“Nobody likes him, so there has to be a reason that justifies it.”

After all, who will look any further than the child with the worst reputation anytime a confrontation arises? If people expect trouble to come from a certain place, that is where they’re going to look. Therefore, the target is under suspicion and the bully gets off scot-free.

It is all designed to manipulate school staff and save the bullies’ behinds from having to face repercussions and, therefore, leaves an opening for further bullying later on.

Targets not only need the confidence to fight to bully but also the knowledge of bullies. The first step of defense is knowing the mindsets and intentions of bullies and the tactics they use. Fortunately, there is a way for those in authority to find out who the real target is. However, they must know what to look for and the target also needs this knowledge in case they have to point it out to them.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Physical Bullies: 4 Secrets You Should Know

The weakest person always uses physical violence. However, the strongest person always uses their brain. It’s also true that the weakest person talks the most and the loudest, but the strongest person gets his message across in few words.

Through experience, I’ve found that these bullies were taught at home that violence is the answer to all their problems. Most of my classmates had the same brutish mentality. If you didn’t give them what they wanted, they resorted to using their fists to teach you a lesson and force you to comply. Also, they used physical violence any time they felt they weren’t getting the “respect” they thought was due them.

Additionally, bullies like these may even use physical violence to take their frustrations out on their targets whenever they’ve had a bad day or when they’re in a bad mood. It’s pathetic really.

1. Physical Bullies are highly insecure with themselves.

Their kneejerk reactions are triggered with a self-demeaning or self-defeating thought and feeling of indignation somewhere between the target’s statement or action and the bully’s blow-up.

“He thinks I’m a wuss.”

“She thinks I’m a loser.”

“He thinks I’m chicken.”

“She thinks I’m weak.”

“He thinks I’m stupid.”

“She thinks my opinions don’t matter.”

“I’m not getting through to this jerk.”

“He doesn’t respect me.”

“She won’t validate me.”

Which boils down to:

“If she doesn’t agree with me, then she doesn’t respect me.”

“If he doesn’t give me what I want, then he doesn’t take me seriously.”

2. physical bullies actually care what you (and everyone else) think of them.

Consequently, the bully has an afterthought that compels him/her to physically attack the target. The afterthought can be something like:

 

“I need to show this person that they can’t insult me and get away with it. And I need to do it so they’ll know that I’m not a pushover or softie.”

“I need to show this person she cannot ignore me and just walk away.”

This is all the result of the bully’s feeling hurt and they cover this hurt feeling behind the veneer of anger and toughness.

Moreover, physically violent bullies believe that being calm and cool, and maintaining one’s temper is a sign of weakness- or that walking away from confrontation and ignoring an aggressor is a sign of disrespect. Understand that these bullies place high value on their status and social image. They believe that they target slighted them and is responsible for their feelings of hurt, indignation, or rejection.

3. Physical bullies must use violence to keep their power.

  • The target wronged them somehow.
  • The target should be punished and destroyed.

However, realize that physically violent bullies impose rules of conduct and engagement on their targets that they, themselves, don’t follow and think they’re exempt from. These bullies truly believe that:

  • Their targets must respect them at all times.
  • The targets should be fully aware of what they want and expect from them.
  • Their targets should do what they tell them to do.
  • Their targets should never say ‘no’ to them.

  • The targets should only say what they (the bullies) want to hear.
  • Their targets should be available and at their beck and call any time they want.
  • Their targets should satisfy their every whim.
  • The target should put them first and sacrifice themselves for them.
4. Physical bullies see themselves as the victim and you as the aggressor who must be punished.

Therefore, physically violent bullies constantly apply evil intentions to their targets and feel consistent urges to make them pay for supposedly being such a pain. Remember that bullies are under the delusion that their targets are persecuting them when, in fact, it’s the exact opposite. This victim-blaming helps to soothe the bully’s self-image.

Their thoughts are:

“You caused me distress!”

“You made me mad, so I must make you pay dearly for it!”

When a physically violent bully attacks and beats down their target, they get instant psychological rewards- their anger is relieved, they get a sense of great power, and they feel a sense of satisfaction and justice.

Moreover, the bully gets to be up close to the target and look into their eyes to see their pain. They desire to hear the target cry out or scream in pain. They also get the satisfaction of getting the target good and bloody or getting themselves covered with the target’s blood.

Nevertheless, these bullies are sick individuals. They derive pleasure from inflicting cuts, bruises, and broken bones.

This is the mentality of the physically violent bully. It pays to know the inner workings of these types of people so that you can better protect yourself and defend against them.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

1 Trait That is More Powerful than Perfection

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What is more powerful than perfection?

The answer is simple… confidence!

Confidence is THE one key ingredient that everyone must have to succeed in life. When you have it, you have better and more fulfilling relationships, you are more successful in school and in your career. You have more dates, friends, are more likely to have a great marriage and raise confident and successful children.

On the other hand, a Perfectionist is not a confident person and has to work so much harder just to go through life. A perfectionist is insecure with herself and others. She focuses more on herself than others and is always worried about what others may think and say about her. This is why she tries so hard to be…well…perfect.

A perfectionist is both critical of herself and others and tends to have strained relationships because of her obsessive need to be right…all the time…and about EVERYTHING! She thinks that she must be perfect for others to like her and covertly seeks validation from others rather than looking within herself for it. And the outcome is usually adverse.

confident man

Confidence means acceptance.

A confident person realizes that no one is perfect and that they will make mistakes. When that person does make a mistake, she doesn’t make a big deal about it and beat herself up. Sure, she may be disappointed for a short while but she always gets over it very quickly and “bounces back”.

She may even have a few people who do not like her. But being the confident person she is, she doesn’t concern herself with how she’s perceived because she knows that she is awesome and that there are plenty of others who DO love her. A confident person is a “proud to be me” kind of individual and always takes care of herself and the people she loves. She always surrounds herself with positive and uplifting people who love her and steers clear of the negative people who want to bring her down.

A confident person sees beauty where a perfectionist only sees flaws. She sees opportunity where a perfectionist sees strife and hard luck.

When I was young, I was a perfectionist. Why? Because I was a beaten down and very negative person who couldn’t see the forest for the trees and I felt I had to be A-1 best before people would like me. I had yet to realize that all I ever had to be was my natural, authentic self.

Changing your perspective for the better.

When I began to love myself, flaws, quirks and all, things began to change…and for the better. Now…I am a confident and happy woman. I am at peace and comfortable in my own skin. Everywhere I look there is opportunity. Everywhere I look, there is beauty…because I look for it. I love myself and the people around me.

There’s no benefit to being a perfectionist, you only end up working too hard to meet standards which are more than likely impossible to meet, spinning your wheels and getting nowhere. Also, you end up failing miserably and in the process, looking like a try-hard.

true freedom.

Confidence, on the other hand is FREEING and it allows you to be you without fear. It also brings patience, faith and positive self-awareness. Instead of spinning your wheels, you move slowly, steadily and PATIENTLY toward your goals, step by step, until you eventually reach them, therefore reaching success!

Therefore, stop being a perfectionist because you only keep yourself in bondage. Free yourself by becoming confident, even if you must recite positive affirmations to yourself every day. In other words, accept your quirks and flaws. Allow yourself to make mistakes. Accept that there will be bullies, haters, and naysayers who will always have something to say and be okay with it. In a nutshell, be yourself and do your thing. Only then will you be truly at peace.

With knowledge comes empowerment.

4 Easy Mind Hacks that Help Raise Self-Esteem

smiling, confident woman

Low self-esteem can be a real energy-killer and motivation buster. As we know, bullying can have a devastating effect on both self-esteem and overall mental health. Most importantly, the low self-esteem that results from bullying can alter the entire trajectory of your life. It may seem that bullies have taken control over how you feel about yourself. However, that isn’t true.

In fact, you can take control over how their attacks make you feel and raise your self-esteem. You can reframe the attacks and buffer your confidence and self-esteem against them.

Therefore, here are 4 easy mind hacks that help raise self-esteem:

  1. Remember that it’s about them, not you.

When bullies and abusers insult you, realize that the insult is only a reflection of how they feel about themselves. Think about it, if bullies were truly happy people, they wouldn’t feel the need to hurt you or anyone else. For example, if the bully calls you “worthless,” it’s a good indicator that he, himself, feels worthless.

Therefore, it’s about them, not you.

stamped toxic people

Understand that people who are miserable want others to feel miserable like they do. Making you miserable is the only way they can feel better about themselves. Yes, being verbally (or physically) attacked hurts. However, you must put in the work to reframe their attacks in your mind. Your self-esteem will thank you for it later.

  1. Any accusation a bully makes is usually a confession.

Bullies and unsavory people will often accuse you of something you know you’re innocent of. However, realize that what they’re really doing is admitting that they’re either already done it or are doing it now. Bullies love to project and they’re experts at it.

Once you realize what your bullies are doing, you’ll be able to respond accordingly and your confidence will soar!

  1. Your bullies are only speaking from their own worldview.

This is especially true when they say things to discourage you from following your goals and dreams. For example, you may be working on publishing a novel and your bullies overhear you telling your friends about it. The bullies may say things like, “You’ll only fail at it, miserably,” or “Your book will never sell.”

Again, realize that they’ve probably never succeeded at anything. Truth be known, your bullies themselves feel like failures. Therefore, they will say anything to discourage you from working on your goals and dreams. Why? Because they’re afraid that you just might reach them. Here’s a quote from a few years back:

“When others tell you, ‘you can’t’, they actually fear that you can and are even more afraid that you will.”

Also, ask yourself these questions:

Have any of your bullies ever published a book?

Have they ever been successful in the book publishing industry or at anything for that matter?

Do they even know anything about book publishing?

Chances are that they haven’t and probably never will. This alone should be a huge self-esteem booster!

sad girl being bullied by backstabbers who are supposed to be her friends.

  1. The weight of a person’s words should always depend on how much they mean to you.

In other words, you place the most value on the words of the people you love and who love you the most. For instance, the words of your loving mother or father would carry more weight than the same words from a smart-alicky classmate or coworker.

The people that mean the most can be your parents, grandparents, siblings, spouse, or children, best friend, or a trusted mentor. Their words should always carry the most weight because these are the people who love you the most. They also want what’s best for you and cheer for your success.

However, the words of your bullies or anyone who abuses you, carry no weight whatsoever. Or, at least, they shouldn’t.

Therefore, place value on the words of the people you love and trust the most because they will be honest with you.

Unfortunately, it took me years to learn these things. How I wish I knew all this when I was younger and during so much bullying and abuse. The good thing is, you don’t have to trudge through all those years of trial and error like I did. Learn, then mentally rehearse these mind hacks and I guarantee that you’ll know them by heart. Even better, they will hugely buffer your self-esteem when bullies come for you, and your confidence will begin to soar!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

4 Simple Steps to Deter Cyber-Bullies

cyberbullying

When you’re being cyber-bullied, it’s so tempting to come back at the trolls with the same vitriol they lash against you. When you’re being attacked online nonstop, the urge to do so can grow so strong that it almost physically hurts not to.

I totally get that because I’ve been there. It’s a natural human reaction to defend ourselves when we’re attacked. However, it’s no secret that when targets do push back against their bullies, the bullies will weaponize the target’s perfectly normal reaction. They will use it against the target to make them look like the instigator.

Understand that when bullies attack, their goal is to bait you into an emotional reaction so they can use it against you. In doing this, the cyber-bully’s goal is to mar your reputation, destroy your credibility, and therefore, paint you as the villain.

cyber bullying, girl and her friend look at computer screen

Don’t take the bait!

Understand that when we’re emotional, the logical brain completely shuts down and renders us unable to think clearly. Consequently, emotion can cause us to make mistakes. We’re likely to say (or type) something out of anger that the bullies can spin to fit their narrative.

This is why it’s so important that we keep our heads and find better ways to respond. Notice I said respond instead of “react.”

Just as you would never feed a bear, you should also never feed a troll.

And the best way not to feed a troll but to respond effectively and successfully is what I call the SBRE response.

SBRE- Screenshot, Block, Report, Expose.
Screenshot.

Always screenshot for evidence against the cyber-bully before blocking. You’ve heard the old saying that “A picture is worth a thousand words.”  Therefore, you need hard evidence to prove cyber-bullying. Screenshots are the hardest evidence you can gather.

Cyber-bullies aren’t stupid. They are more likely to attack you on forums like Messenger because it’s a private message platform. Unlike ten to fifteen years ago, most won’t attack you publicly on Facebook. Messenger is their platform of choice because of the privacy.

Moreover, if you can, let it percolate a little- give them time to post multiple attacks. Doing this will establish a pattern. Respond with innocent comebacks like, “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “You seem so angry.” Responding this way baits the bully to stay on the attack and give you time to gather evidence. Screenshot each attack and store each photo in a folder entitled, “Screenshots.

Also, you can give no response at all and watch as the troll becomes redundant in their attacks. As mentioned, the objective here is to establish a pattern of cyber-bullying by this individual and gather evidence of it.

Remember Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War.” The trick is to let the enemy destroy himself.”

Block.

Block the cyber-bully to protect yourself from future attacks. Once you block the person, be on the lookout for a sudden barrage of friend requests from people with fake screen names, blank profile pictures, and pictures of cartoons or animals. And never accept friend requests from these people.

Report.

After blocking, report the bullies, describing in detail how long they’ve harassed you and use the screenshots as evidence.

And now, the fun part!

Expose.

Expose the cyber-trolls by plastering the screenshots all over social media and the internet. Out them! Expose them for the creeps they really are, not only to humiliate them, but more importantly, to protect others from falling victim to their attacks in the future. Because you would never want what you’ve endured to happen to anyone else!

Cyber-bullies are the worst and most cowardly. However, if you play your cards right and use the SBRE response like I did a few years ago, you will be so surprised how quickly your cyber-bullies will disappear, and you will once again be free to surf the internet in peace.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Warning! 7 Things to Never Do with Bullies

bully standing over camera threatening physical violence

When targets endure continuous onslaughts of bullying, slow and subtle changes will happen over time. Moreover, they may or may not even be aware of these negative changes until the bullying has gotten out of control. These changes will happen in their self-esteem personalities and body language.

These transformations, although normal when dealing with any type of abuse, can bring about even more bullying and abuse.

Remember that bullies feed off the target’s low self-esteem and once they get even the slightest hint that you’re victim material, the bullying will become a pattern. Therefore, here are 7 things to never do when dealing with bullies:

  1. Defend nor explain yourself.

Any time you defend or explain yourself to a bully, you appear weak to them. Why? Because in your defense or explanation, the hidden subtext is that you feel you must answer to your bully. Consequently, you only give away your power.

Understand that you do not owe anyone an explanation, nor must you go on the defense unless they are your parents, spouse, or boss.

  1. Apologize for anything.

This is not to say that apologizing for a wrong isn’t the right thing to do, because it is. If you know you wronged someone and that someone isn’t a bully, an apology is then necessary. However, a bully does not deserve your apology. Also, bullies see any apology you give as weakness, subjugation, or a way of begging not to be hurt. And they will only use it against you.

  1. Hit the bully first (that is, unless they’re in your face).

Bullies will deliberately provoke you to bait you into hitting them first. The reason they do this is because they either want an excuse to fight you or they want to get you in trouble with a teacher, a supervisor, or police. However, an exception can be made when they get in your face because when they get that close, it usually means that they’re about to physically attack you. Only then should you hit the bully first to protect yourself. In times like this, offense is the best defense.

  1. People-please.

Bullies and their followers only see this as butt-kissing and trying to win approval. Again, they get a thrill out of seeing you bend knee to everyone, and they will use it to their advantage. They will often dangle carrots of acceptance and friendship in front of you, only to pull it back when you reach for it. Never subject yourself to these kinds of mind games.

  1. Stay silent.

Bullies and any type of abusers thrive on your silence. Therefore, when you stay mum about the abuse they subject you to, it will only give them a green light to continue and escalate the abuse. Instead of being quiet about it, report it. The bullies may retaliate, and authorities may not believe you, but you’ve said your piece, and the word is still out. They may not listen to you, but they can never unhear you. Always remember that.

  1. Go where the bullies gather.

Going to or passing through the places you know your bullies hang out is asking for trouble. Therefore, the best thing to do is to avoid those places if you want to keep yourself safe.

  1. Slouch or look down.

Slouching and looking down only signals low self-esteem, submission, and intimidation. These are signals you never want to give off in the presence of bullies and abusers. Remember that bullies are like a pack of wolves, and a pack of wolves will only attack the weakest member of a herd of elk. Again, bullies are the same way. If they perceive even a whiff of weakness, they will prey on it.

Therefore, to avoid looking like bully bait, do the exact opposite of these things. Always be and appear confident!

Here’s a quick summary:
  • A bully is the last person you must answer to. Put simpler, never explain, apologize to, or go on the defense with bullies. You owe them nothing!
  • Instead of apologizing to bullies, say, “you’ll get over it.” It’s the perfect alternative to apology.
  • Stay calm when a bully provokes you. Let them get in your face before you decide to hit them first. And if they hit you first, hit them back. This is not assault, it’s self-defense.
  • Never people-please. Put yourself first and do the things you want to do, not what others want you to do.
  • Instead of staying quiet, speak out about any abuse you suffer and call out your abuser. Understand that when someone violates your boundaries, whether they be physical or psychological, you have every right to talk about it.
  • Avoid the places bullies gather. Instead of passing through their hangout spot or neighborhood on your way to school or work, find a different route and take it. And if the bullies demand that you meet them somewhere to fight, object and don’t go!
  • Stand up straight instead of slouching. Also, keep your head up and look ahead instead of lowering your head and looking down.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

13 Secrets to Unlock Your Social Potential

woman crowd-surfing

Close to ninety percent of our language is nonverbal. In other words, body language (actions) speaks louder than words ever will. All too often, when bullies have attacked you for an extended period, your self-esteem and mental health suffer. Even worse, people will see it through your everyday body language, and you won’t realize it’s happening.

Consequently, most targets only attract more bullies and bullying because their body language changes with time as they endure daily abuse. The target’s body language will transform from confident to diffident– meaning lack of confidence. This is the reason many targets have few friends.

Why do most targets of bullying have difficulty making friends?

This is because, others can spot insecurity a mile away, which makes it difficult to attract healthy people into your life. You’ll only attract users and more abusers. Why? Because, as a matter of human nature, healthy and secure people stay away from people who give off signals of low self-esteem and depression. On the other hand, you’ll attract predators- people who fake a friendship to either exert control over your life or to get something from you.

Moreover, nonverbal signals, such as lack of eye contact, looking down, fake smiles and closed body language make the target appear unapproachable.

It’s not your fault.

Naturally, this is not the target’s fault. It is just something that happens after a person has endured abuse for so long. However, confident body language is something that you can learn, even teach yourself, and practice. And once you perfect it, you will instantly attract faithful friends and better people into your life.

Here are 11 powerful tricks you can use to instantly win friends:

  1. Smile! And smile genuinely!

Smiling at people shows that you approve of them and are open to friendships. It also conveys confidence and confidence is where it’s at! However, a fake smile is easy to spot and a major turn-off. It only repels people, or worse, invites more bullying. Fake smiles only hurt more than help.

  1. Make good eye contact.

When you make good eye contact, you show others that you genuinely respect and are interested in them. People love those who take an interest in them. Therefore, when you’re engaged in conversation with someone, look them in the eye. Just don’t overdo it or you’ll seem creepy. Just find that happy middle.

  1. Stand up straight.

Bad posture, such as slouching and hunching only conveys insecurity and low self-esteem. So, stand up straight and walk with purpose. Also, throw in a few power poses when you stand- feet shoulder-width apart and with your hands on your hips with your thumbs on the front of your waist. This also signals confidence. Also, it can keep bullies away because when a bully sees someone do this, they think twice before messing with the person. Why? Because their body language is signaling confidence and, more importantly, power! And if there’s one thing bullies understand, it is power!

  1. Practice open body language.

This will instantly make you more approachable. Put simpler, open body language means keeping facing the people you talk to and keeping your whole body turned toward them. When you do this, you’re signaling that you’re interested in what the other person has to say.

  1. Slightly lean in when you talk to someone.

Again, this shows that you are fully engaged and interested in what the other person is saying. However, only do it slightly to avoid invading your interlocutor’s personal space. Make sure to do this properly and you will build rapport with the people you speak to. Also, they will be more likely to trust you.

  1. Nod when you agree with the person you’re talking to.

Nodding not only shows that you are listening and fully engaged. Also, it conveys understanding and agreement. Nodding is a very powerful form of communication and often gets amazing social results!

  1. Use hand gestures when you speak.

Using hand gestures can help you to think and express your thoughts and feelings more clearly. Moreover, it conveys understanding, energy and warmness.

  1. Relax.

If you want people to feel at ease around you, relax when you’re having a conversation with them. There is nothing worse than talking to someone who seems nervous and tense. It weirds people out big time! Therefore, always relax around others. Having body language that is relaxed conveys that you’re comfortable and confident with yourself and in turn, others will be comfortable and confident with you.

  1. Put away your phone.

There is nothing worse than talking to someone who has their face in their phone, texting. It conveys that they’re more interested in what’s on their screen and not what you have to say. It is downright rude and disrespectful. So, lose the phone when you’re in conversation with someone. It’s just good social etiquette.

Two silly friends

  1. Be aware of where your toes are pointed.

If you’re in a conversation with someone and your toes aren’t pointed toward them, it only conveys that you don’t want to be with the person and want to go elsewhere. Now, some people don’t think about the feet but those who are the most aware of body language cues will. Therefore, always stand with your feet and toes pointed toward the person you’re talking to. It signals that you want to move toward them, that you’re happy to see them and speak with them.

  1. Make sure your body language is congruent with your words.

This is so important! If you’re saying one thing and your body language doesn’t match, you will come off to others as fake and insincere. As a result, they won’t take you seriously and will be repelled by you. Nobody likes fake. So, more than anything else, be sure that your nonverbal cue are in line with your verbal ones.

12. Practice the art of small talk.

Talking about the weather, which team won the Super Bowl, your favorite rock bands, or  current news is considered small talk. In other words, never talk to potential friends about anything deep. Save that for later… much later! If you’re looking to make new friends, keep conversations light until after the friendship grows significantly.

13. Establish common ground.

Friendships come a lot easier with those we have something in common with. Find the people you have something in common with, such as other targets of bullying, and band with them. I guarantee that this works like a charm!

When you begin practicing these techniques, they may feel weird at first. However, don’t quit. Practice good verbal and nonverbal communication every day until they become second nature. Also remember that although words are important, others pay more attention to your body language than your words. So, improve them both, then, watch the magic unfold as people instantly become warmer and more receptive toward you. And you will make terrific friends in the process.

With knowledge comes empowerment!