Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

 ‘Want to know what the first step is to building confidence? It’s knowing yourself with every fiber of your being.

knowing yourself

Knowing exactly who you are goes a long way when people are bullying you. As someone who had to learn this the hard way, I can tell you that when you know yourself inside and out, the least likely bullies are to get under your skin.

You are going to learn how to get to know yourself as well as the importance of knowing yourself.

After you learn these all the powerful ways to do so, you will be next to invincible to any future attacks from bullies.

This post is all about the steps to knowing yourself to give you the confidence you need to counter your bullies’ attacks successfully.

Knowing Yourself

Before we get into the steps, let’s first discuss the importance of knowing yourself.

When you know yourself inside and out, you are better able to define yourself. In other words, you won’t allow others, particularly bullies and abusers, do it for you.

Therefore, when you learn to accept only your definition of who you are, you can more easily avoid bullying because you’re better able to recognize it. And when you’re able to identify abuse, you’re least likely to put up with it.

1. Know what your needs are, what you want, and what you will and will not tolerate.

Then refuse to accept what you won’t put up with. Also, focus on your wants and needs and work hard to achieve them. This means working on yourself. Moreover, it means working toward your goals and your aspirations.

This is of the utmost importance. Why? Because when you’re too busy working on yourself and pursuing your dreams and interests, you won’t pay attention to what your bullies have to say. In other words, you’ll care less about anyone’s opinions and verbal attacks.

Also, when you know who you are, you also know what you want and what you will and will not tolerate, which is why knowing who you are is of the utmost importance.

Knowing yourself means knowing your feelings, senses, and instincts and trusting them to guide you through this crazy thing called life. Tuning in to your feelings and instincts means tuning into your gut. As we all know, your gut can guide you out of dangerous situations and environments if you allow it to.

2. Knowing yourself: Begin trusting yourself to make the right decisions for yourself no matter what.

Here’s a little nugget you should know, your first instinct is usually the correct one.

For instance, any time you have bullies shaming and ridiculing you, your first instinct is to get away from them. However, when your bullies see that you’re leave. They may mock you for it.

They say something to the tune of, “Awww! Did you get your feelings hurt? Is that way you’re walking away?” or “Are you scared, is that why you’re leaving? Don’t be a wuss. Stand up and face us.”

Moreover, they may even tell you, “You’d better run!”

Know that it’s okay to walk away from a toxic situation. Also, know that you aren’t scared, but you aren’t going to stick around people who try to make you feel bad. When you know yourself, you know that walking away isn’t being afraid. It’s being smart!

In other words, your bullies definition of you won’t get into your head. Therefore, you’ll refuse to allow your bullies to ridicule or guilt you into staying in circumstances that don’t feel good to you.

Therefore, any time your bullies accost you, don’t be afraid to put your hand up and walk away. Know yourself well enough to know that you don’t have time for their foolishness and drama.

Understand that when you turn your back and walk away from bullies and they call out these things to you, they do it for two reasons:

a. to control you by defining you. In other words, bullies try to shame you into sticking around

b. to bait you into a fight because they know the chances are good that you’ll get blamed for it.

No one wants others to label them a coward. However, people will try to define you as one to corner you and trick you into doing what they want. Bullies know that most people will feel compelled to hang around and they’ll do it for no other reason than to prove to the rest of the world that they aren’t.

Again, this is why you must know yourself. When you know deep down that you’re not what people call you, you won’t feel any need to do any posturing. Why? Because you’ll know that there’s no need to prove anything.

Although the name-calling might sting a little, it won’t bother you as much.

3. Practice speaking out and showing your emotions.

 …in appropriate settings, of course.

Knowing yourself means that you won’t feel the need to hold back emotions. You’ll be able to recognize them better and allow yourself to feel them. In some situations, it may be okay to express them.

Therefore, you won’t let others tell you how you should feel or bullies to shame you into suppressing yourself.

However, there are times when expressing and suppressing emotions is the right thing to do. For instance, if you’re attending the funeral of a loved one and you feel sad, it’s perfectly acceptable to cry.

Whereas, you wouldn’t want to break down crying in front of everyone at school because a bully called you a name. Instead, you’d show annoyance and tell the bully to get stuffed.

Also, you wouldn’t cry publicly at work because the boss chewed you out or your project fell flat. You’d just stick out your chest and try to do better the next time.

4. Another step to knowing yourself is to Practice being yourself.

Know that you don’t have to put on a big front and try to act like someone you’re not. Also, there’s no need to try to fit in anyone. In other words, know that you don’t have to prove your worth to anyone.

Knowing yourself means also knowing your worth and that you are valuable no matter what people say and regardless of where you are in life.

Moreover, understand that people who don’t know themselves will follow the crowd and try to fit in. People who don’t know themselves will accept other’s definitions of them without realizing it.

They’ll build a fake identity based on how others view them and others’ expectations and ideas of who they should be.

Sadly, if a target is told by abusers that he’s stupid, no good, lazy and that he’ll never amount to anything, in many cases, they’ll live up to it. It will show up in their grades, performance, and how they interact with people.

Therefore, don’t be that person. Authenticity is key here. Be an original because originals are like famous paintings and artwork. They’re much more valuable than copies.

So, don’t be a cheap knock-off!

Knowing yourself is freedom!

5. Get rid of the temptation to blame yourself for any bullying and abuse you suffer.

Always be true to your own heart no matter the cost. Though it may not look that way to the outside observer, quietly dig deep and get in touch with your inner sensations and instincts. Moreover realize that you aren’t to blame for the abuse you endure.

Knowing yourself is to fully understand that other people’s behavior towards you is no reflection on you. It only speaks volumes about their own lack of morals, decency, and character.

Getting to know yourself will only bring absolute confirmation that what your bullies do to you is wrong. Now this inner realization may or may not stop bullies from attacking you. In fact, it may make the bullying worse.

However, instead of hating and blaming yourself, know in your heart that they are the bad ones. Realize that bullies are notorious for projecting their own faults and shortcomings onto others.

It’s true! A bully’s accusations is usually a confession.

6. Always trust your gut.

I can’t stress this enough. Listen to what your gut tells you and believe it. Also, pay close attention to the vibes you’re getting from the people around you.

The energy people put out never lies.

This is how you maintain your inner strength and sense of self. It takes listening to your instincts when they tell you that you have reason to be cautious around certain people.

Even better,  don’t be ashamed of it. Instead, pay close attention to how your body reacts when you’re around certain people.

Also, realize that you may not be able to put your finger on it and you may not know why you’re having these yucky bodily sensations.

Does your body automatically tense up?

Do you have that bad feeling in the pit of your stomach?

Does something just feel off about the person or people you’re with?

If so, know that any one of these symptoms is your cue to get away from these people… and fast!

Once you begin knowing yourself fully, bullies will no longer have power over you. As a result, you’ll be a much happier, freer, and healthier person for it.

Getting to know yourself may take time and lots of hard inner work, but it will be worth it in the end.

This post was all about knowing yourself and what steps to take to get to know yourself in order to help you raise your self-esteem and confidence levels.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

3. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

5. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

bye, talk to the hand

How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

‘Want to know how to stop caring what people think so that you can experience the kind of freedom you were meant to have?

how to stop caring what people think

Caring what other people think makes for a life of mental slavery and control. Wouldn’t you rather have the delicious freedom to just do and be what you want? As someone who was once caught in that approval-seeking trap and finally broke free, I’m giving you the steps on how to stop caring what people think.

You are going to learn the exact mindsets to adopt to get to a place where you no longer care what others think.

After you learn these mindsets, you will free yourself from the chains of other’s opinions. Also, you will have the courage to be yourself and do what’s best for you no matter what others may say about it.

This post is all about how to stop caring what people think so that you can finally put your needs first and live a freer and happier life.

how to stop caring what people think

Before we get into the steps, let’s talk about the harsh realities of placing too much value on other people’s thoughts and opinions of you.

When you care too much about what others think, you become a slave to not only opinions but to others as well. In other words, the person whose opinions you place too much value on owns you.

Moreover, you’ll bend over backward to prove your worth. You’ll be a yes-person because you won’t have the guts to say no when you really should and when you truly want to say it.

Here’s what else. You’ll do things you’d rather not do and agree with things that go against your beliefs and convictions. You’ll sacrifice your time, your resources, and yourself for people who don’t deserve it and let them take you for granted.

Even worse, you’ll fall for other people’s BS and accept crappy behavior from them to avoid conflict. And they’ll see you as a pushover and an approval-seeker. You’ll be a doormat, and no one will have any respect for you. They’ll only think you’re pathetic!

To put it bluntly, you’ll kiss butt and eat shit all for the sake of approval. Yuck!

You’ll only attract users, abusers, and losers, who’ll only deplete you of time, energy, and worst of all, self-esteem!

But You Don’t Have to live this way. You can make a change. So, how do you stop caring what people think?

1. Focus on your own needs.

In other words, put yourself first and foremost for a while.

This isn’t to say that putting others first is a bad thing. It isn’t. It shows that you care about your fellow man and that you’re willing to contribute some good to the world. It’s an outstanding character trait to have.

However, when you overdo that courtesy or do it at your own expense, that’s when it becomes a bad thing. Why? Because you unknowingly set yourself up to tolerate abuse.

Therefore, you must make time to take care of your own needs too. If you’re too busy taking care of others and leave no time for you, you’ll have nothing left for yourself.

Remember that self-care isn’t selfish. It’s essential!

2. Know that the weight of another person’s opinion depends on relationship.

In other words, you place the most value on the opinions of the people you love and who love you the most.

For instance, the words and opinions of your loving mother or father would carry more weight than the same words from a smart-alicky classmate or coworker.

The people that mean the most can be your parents, grandparents, siblings, spouse, or children, best friend, or a trusted mentor. Their words should always carry the most weight because these are the people who love you the most. They also want what’s best for you and cheer for your success.

However, the words and opinions of your bullies or anyone who abuses you, carry no weight whatsoever. Or, at least, they shouldn’t.

Therefore, place value on those of the people you love and trust the most because they will be honest with you.

3. Surround yourself with positive and uplifting people.

In other words, be choosy when selecting people to be friends with. There’s nothing wrong with being picky and it doesn’t mean you’re “excluding” anyone. Realize that same people, we just don’t mesh with and there will be those who are out to hurt us.

Understand that the company you keep has a huge influence on your self-esteem. Therefore, for the sake of your own mental health, choose people who are positive.

Spend time with people who lift you up and avoid those who tear you down. People who consistently put you down have no place in your life. You’re better off without them.

4. how to stop caring what people think of you:

Love thyself.

In other words, love yourself even when it seems as if the rest of the world hates you.

This means knowing your worth and the value you bring to this world. Treat yourself just as you would your best friend. Put simpler, be your own best friend. Treat yourself with compassion.

Also, loving yourself means knowing yourself. When you know yourself inside and out, you are better able to define yourself instead of letting others, particularly bullies and abusers, do it for you.

 Moreover, when you learn to accept only your definition of who you are, you can more easily avoid bullying because you’re better able to recognize it. And when you’re able to identify abuse, you’re least likely to put up with it.

In other words, when you know who you are, you also know what you want and what you will and will not tolerate, which is why knowing who you are is of the utmost importance.

Furthermore, knowing yourself means knowing your feelings, senses, and instincts and trusting them to guide you through this crazy thing called life. Tuning in to your feelings and instincts means trusting your gut.

Your mind can deceive you and your heart can get you into trouble. But your gut can guide you out of dangerous situations and environments if you allow it to.

Again, loving yourself means knowing yourself. If you love yourself and know who you are, bullies can name-call and ridicule you until doomsday and it will be least likely to phase you.

6. Stop seeking approval.

Self-acceptance never comes from the outside, it always comes from within. Therefore, get rid of the craving to be liked and be okay with being disliked by some.

Realize that to be hurt, angered, and offended by someone, you must first value their opinions. In other words, for someone to make you feel bad, you must value them to some degree.

When you stop caring what people think of you, you stop valuing their opinions. In that, you stop giving bullies value and consideration they haven’t earned. Therefore, you stop giving them power.

Understand that their approval isn’t needed and just be. I promise you that you will feel so much better, not to mention, freer!

Therefore, be yourself. Stand up for your beliefs and convictions. Have your own preferences and make your own choices.

Also, do the things you love to do. And lastly, follow your own goals and dreams. Do all of these things no matter who does or doesn’t like it.

7. Spend time alone.

There’s nothing wrong with being alone. Moreover, just because you’re alone doesn’t mean that you’re lonely. Alone and lonely have different meanings.

Spending time alone is healthy because it gives you time to unwind.

Also, alone time is beneficial because it allows you to focus on a project without disruption and makes concentration so much easier. So, you can be alone without necessarily being lonely. And everyone needs a little bit of “me-time” every day!

Being alone is being at home by yourself and enjoying a good book.

8. believe in yourself.

This means believing in yourself even when it seems that no one else believes in you. That’s a hard thing to do but so important.

How you can do this is to think about all the successes you’ve won and the accomplishments you’ve made. Think of all your wins, even the tiny ones.

Also, think of all the happier times you’ve experienced. Try to remember all the positives and I promise, you’ll feel so good about yourself.

Moreover, think of all the people who love you and who want best for you. Reflect on all these things and your self-belief will skyrocket! Finally, you’ll care less what others think of you.

9. be yourself.

 This means continuing to be yourself even when those around you are trying to change you. Realize that if we all were the same, this life would be boring.

Therefore, be an original. Originals have way more value than cheap knock-off copies.

this post was all about how to stop caring what people think to help you raise your self-esteem.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

2. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

3. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

how to defend yourself from bullies

How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

‘Want to do how to defend yourself from bullies so that you can be safe?

how to defend yourself from bullies

Bullying is perverse and can be negatively life-altering. If you’re anything like I was, you’re probably having difficulty deciding how to properly stand up for yourself. As someone who’s been there, I’m giving you the steps to defend yourself against bullies.

You’re going to learn the exact method of defending yourself against bullies and bullying.

After you learn all these powerful strategies, you will be extra prepared for the next bullying incident and be able to better handle yourself in bullying situations.

This post is all about how to defend yourself from bullies so that you can ensure your own safety and take back control of your life.

How to Defend Yourself from Bullies

1. think like a bully (just don’t act like one)

This is your first step.

Most people who become targets of bullying are genuinely good hearted and would never dream of hurting another human being. On the other hand, bullies are consistently thinking up newer and more sophisticated ways to inflict harm on others.

Their hunger for power is such that they have left a long line of victims in their wake and are always on the lookout for new targets.

The reason most good people become targets of bullying is that bullies are notorious for taking kindness for weakness. Therefore, to protect yourself from becoming the next target requires that you adopt the bully mindset.

You must think as bullies do but not act as they do.

I realize this can be difficult because the mind of a bully isn’t a pleasant place to be. It can be downright ugly!

Moreover, to think as a bully takes a certain degree of identifying with them. However, you must think as they do in order to better predict what bullies will do next.

If you can figure out what their next move will be, you can stay a few steps ahead of these creeps and protect yourself.

Therefore, this won’t be easy. The mind of a bully can be a real cesspool. However, sometimes you must wade through a ton of crap for safety’s sake.

2. Respond in kind

There’s nothing wrong with responding in kind when people are mistreating you. This doesn’t mean tit for tat. However, it does mean getting ugly when you must.

When you respond in kind, you act with power by meeting your bullies where they are. In other words, you speak to the bullies in the only language they understand.

You must realize that when a bully is in your face, you can’t afford to be nice about it. In fact, there is no being polite.

You can never handle a bully “nicely” because they will only see that as weakness and use it to their advantage. Moreover, there is no being quiet about it because bullies will take your silence as being afraid.

Again, you must speak to the bully in the only language they understand. And what they don’t understand is nice and polite.

For example, the bully is in your personal space and they’re cursing you out. That’s when you put your hand out like a traffic cop. Then, you tell them in no uncertain terms to get the hell out of your face.

This shows that you command the dignity and respect that’s due to the next person. Also, it shows that you have the guts to stand your ground when some creep violates your boundaries.

As a society, we’ve been conditioned by politicians, the media, corporations, educators, and even certain members of our families that responding in kind only makes us as bad as the bullies.

bullies only understand strength and power

There’s no law that says that you must accept abuse from anyone. Yet, we’re very subtly being told that we should take it, and with a smile, and a yes sir/ma’am, then ask for seconds. In today’s world, society tries to dictate that we should agree to abuse.

And we’re still being conditioned to do so. We’re being told to “ignore” people’s atrocious behavior, and in some cases, even submit to it.

However, I want you to understand that the only thing bullies understand is strength and power and anyone they deem as weak is fair game.

Therefore, if you don’t respond in kind to bad behavior, bullies will get the message that there are no consequences for their abuse.  Moreover, they will get the impression that they can walk on you anytime they feel like it.

Then, there will be no stopping them from escalating the bullying and no limit to what they’ll try next.

You must set boundaries, and how you set boundaries is by imposing consequences on anyone who violates those boundaries. But how do you impose consequences?

By responding in kind to bullies when they cross the line.

Therefore, never be afraid to respond in kind and never feel guilty for it. It’s normal, expected, and it’s how you defend yourself and treat yourself well.

Remember that the only rights you have are those you fight for.

3. How to defend yourself from bullies: don’t worry about what other people think

People will tell you, “You shouldn’t have said that to so-and-so because you only stoop to their (the bullies’) level.”

However, it’s funny how they never said a word to the bully, who had you backed in a corner and was unloading on you. Now, all of a sudden, you are the mean one for telling the bullies exactly what they are.

Therefore, realize that when you’re forced to get just as nasty, there will be people who try to tell you the same thing.

Instead of worrying about their reaction, always come back with, “Funny, you never said a word when they were doing the same to me, so you have nothing to say about my behavior. Now, get lost!” And say it with conviction and without guilt.

“It’s not ladylike,” they say? Well, it’s not ladylike for the bully either. It goes both ways.

Tell them how you feel and what you think of them because you can’t be nice when you’re dealing with people who wish to harm you. You have to get funky with it! You must put your bitch-face on when things get hot. When some schmuck is in your face, nice and polite goes out the window.

And once they find out that you aren’t as weak as they thought, they just might back off and think twice before confronting you again.

however, before you can do this, you must first not worry what others think.

When you stop concerning yourself with what others think or say, standing up for yourself comes so much easier. Remember, these people aren’t dealing with bullying. You are. Therefore, they have no place putting their noses in your business.

What they think and how they feel about it doesn’t matter. So, stop worrying about the feelings of those who aren’t worth your time.

4. respond to physical bullying by hitting back.

Yeah, you read that right. If a bully hits you first, you are well within your rights to hit them back… twice as hard as they hit you. How to defend yourself from bullies involves responding to physical attacks.

Understand this right now. When a bully physically attacks you, you have a God-given, primal, animal right to defend yourself from being harmed. I state this with full conviction!

Therefore, if a bully hits you first, haul off and knock his block off! And when you do, don’t just give him a love pat. Deck the creep with the strength of your entire body- hit so hard that the bully has difficulty getting back up.

Then unleash a hail of hard licks so that he doesn’t get up. Because once the bully gets up, he will charge you!

Yeah. I know it isn’t the “politically correct” thing to do. But when someone is harming you, all that jazz about political correctness and being the bigger person goes out the window, and the gloves are off.

School stuff may suspend you from school, and managers may fire you from work. You may even go to jail for a night or two. However, people are much more vicious with physical attacks nowadays.

Furthermore, if you just let someone smack you around, they’ll only intensify the beatings until they hurt you bad enough to send you to the hospital or worse! And you’d much rather them suspend you, fire you, or take you to jail than to spend a month in the hospital or end up six feet under.

Let’s face it. Sometimes, bullies can have you cornered and fisticuffs is the only option you have.

5. How to defend yourself from bullies: take self-defense Classes

Although not always affordable, martial arts classes are a godsend for victims of bullying. Not only do you learn how to defend yourself, you also learn respect and discipline.

Moreover, these classes will give you the confidence you never knew you could have and you will become more physically fit.

this post was all about how to defend yourself from bullies to help you ensure your safety and take back control of your life

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

2. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

5. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

cyberbullying tactics

Cyberbullying Tactics: 9 Common Tricks of Cyber-Bullies and Trolls

TheyDo you want to know all the cyberbullying tactics so that you can better protect yourself against cyberbullies? cyberbullying tactics

Cyberbullying can be bullying of the most devastating kind and for anyone of any age- children, teens, and adults alike. If you’re a victim of this insidious form of bullying, you are doing all the research you can to find out all the cyberbullying tactics.

As someone who’s been there myself, I’m giving you the seven most-used cyberbullying tactics you need to be aware of.

You are going to learn all the tactics cyberbullies use.

After you learn about all the most-used cyberbullying tactics, you will be wise to cyberbullies and will better be able to protect yourself against them. Moreover, you will also be able to gather your own evidence against them and get rid of them once and for all.

This post is all about the cyberbullying tactics cyberbullies use to help you gather your evidence, stand against them, and overcome cyberbullies and internet trolls.

Cyberbullying Tactics

Before we go any further, let’s explore what cyberbullying is and how it negatively affects lives.

Cyberbullying is the most malicious and dangerous form of bullying there is. This is because attacks are seen by a much wider audience, and there’s a high degree of anonymity as cyberbullies are cowards and hide behind fake screen names and profiles to avoid exposure.

With that said…

Here are the 7 most common cyberbullying tactics:

1. Flaming: Inboxing you with a barrage of insidious messages.

Again, cyberbullies are cowards who fear being detected for the sick creeps they are. So, they use your private message inbox to unleash their vitriol onto you. Even if you delete the person from your friends’ list, they can still flame you through the inbox.

Many cyberbullies think that you will be so overly emotional that you won’t think to take a screenshot of the message. Therefore, they will be emboldened to keep this up until you properly handle the situation, which I will show you how later in this post.

However, here’s something you must NEVER do:

Never react to the vile messages by sending evil messages of your own. In other words, don’t call the cyberbullies names even if they start out name-calling you. Do not react by cursing the cyberbully out or use all caps, which is read as yelling.

The cyberbullies will only use your reaction against you. Remember that they want you to react so that they can turn it around on you and make you look like the troll. Don’t give them that opportunity!

Therefore, the best response is either no response at all or an intelligent response. If you’re going to respond, respond with something to the tune of, “You seem so angry,” or, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

These are perfect responses because you aren’t taking the blame for their behavior. Also, it doesn’t make you sound like you’re bullying anyone.

2. Cyberbullies will tag you in a post, then claim you’re stalking their page.

This happened to me once. Although this is rather obvious (or should be) to others, this tactic is used by dumber and maybe drunk cyberbullies.

Therefore, screenshot this. In fact, screenshot everything.

3. They rally their friends to troll your page.

Once you hit the “Block” button, watch for an influx of friend requests from people you don’t know or who would otherwise never in a million years “friend” you. This almost always happens just after you’ve blocked a cyberbully.

4. Cyberbullies will troll the pages of your spouse, family, and friends.

 They do this to seek and gather information about you and those you’re closest to, which is then used as either ammunition to defame you, make fun of you, or to attack those you love.

Cyberbullies who are mentally sick and dangerous will use this tactic. Don’t let this scare you, but do be concerned.

5. Cyberbullying tactics: Creating hurtful, degrading, and humiliating memes of you.

Cyberbullies do this to intimidate, embarrass you, and to bait others to harass you. Again, screenshot this as you would incendiary messages and everything else they throw at you.

6. They have others (or they do it themselves) to insert images of porn and other disgusting materials onto your timeline.

Cyberbullies do this to cause you embarrassment. Moreover, they do this hoping that others will see it and think you’re some kind of pervert.

In most cases, this doesn’t work. However, you must still make screenshots. This is how you do your own investigation and gather your own evidence.

7. Cyberbullies will copy your profile photo and create duplicate and fake profiles in your name, claiming to be you.

Next, they send requests to all your family, friends, and associates to bait them to accept.

Once the requests have been accepted, the cyberbully then sends your associates deplorable messages or tags them and posts flaming or lewd posts to their timelines in hopes of causing friction between you and the people you care about.

Therefore, it’s up to you to warn your family and friends about what’s been going on. Also, you must tell them that if they get any duplicate friend requests from you, it isn’t you sending it. This is so important!

Sadly, there isn’t much anyone can do legally until better technology is introduced to track down these vile bullies, and more robust laws are passed against this practice.

8. cyberbullying tactics: lies and accusations

Cyberbullies will also post lies and accusations about you on social media and public forums. Therefore, they sully your good name and reputation, killing opportunities of all kinds. Moreover, if you own a business, your profits could take a huge hit.

Understand that this is a way for cyberbullies to cause you to become a victim of cancel culture. This has ruined many lives and families.

I can’t stress the importance of gathering your own evidence. This is not the time to be lazy!

9. They dox you.

Doxxing is when cyberbullies and trolls gather your personal information. They can get access to your street address, phone number, email, and worse, your driver’s license and banking information.

Other information they may access is where you work, where your children go to school, and who your parents are and their addresses. Scary, isn’t it?

Next, they will post it all online and even on the dark web to cause you to be harassed. Also, this can cause you to become a victim of identity theft.

Doxxing is the most dangerous form of cyberbullying there is!

Here are the best ways to bust a cyberbully.

I always use a method I call the SBRE method: Screenshot, Block, Report, Expose!

For this method to work best, you must perform it in this exact order!

1. Screenshot.

Out them! Expose them by taking screenshots of their profiles and of the nasty messages they send you. Screenshot every message or vile comment.

Also, screenshot every cruel meme. In short, screenshot everything.

Then plaster them all over the internet. Hey, they asked for it. So, put them on blast. Exposure is the best way to shut these idiots down.

Delete the incendiary posts or comments but keep the screenshots stored in a folder.

2. Combat Cyberbullying tactics:

BLOCK.

If the cyberbullies happen to be on your friends or follower lists, you don’t need them in your life- or stalking your page. Get rid of them!

Also, the sooner you block the creeps, the less likely they are to send you a virus or get access to any sensitive information.

Therefore, after you get all the screenshots you need (only you can judge whether you have enough evidence), block them.

3. Report.

Report the cyberbullies to the social media outlet. Every social media entity has this option. Use it. They may or may not do anything about it.

However, there will still be a record. Once you report the person, take a screenshot of your report and the response you get from the social media outlet.

4. expose.

Remember that a cyberbully’s worse fear is being exposed. Make their worst fears come true. Expose them by plastering the screenshots all over the internet.

You not only do this to spare your reputation and protect yourself. But you also expose the cyberbullies to protect others from being trolled by them.

And trust me! Other users will thank you for it!

This bears repeating! Always take screenshots and save any online bullying evidence because you never know when you might need them for litigation. If by chance, you find the true identities of your cyberbullies (this is easier than you think), you can more successfully pursue litigation.

Understand that this may take a little bit of work. However, it will be so worth it in the long run.If other tricks have been used against you and that I have left out, please feel free to comment.

This post was all about the most common cyberbullying tactics that cyberbullies use to help you to better protect yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

4. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

5. Conditioning: 5 Signs You’re Being Conditioned

Easy Targets for Bullies: 6 Groups of People Bullies Love to Target

Would you like to know if you fall into the category of easy targets for bullies so that you can better protect yourself?

easy targets for bullies

There are six groups of people who make easy targets for bullies, and bullies, who are cowards of the lowest of scum, take full advantage.

These groups of people suffer the highest rates of bullying. They are the most persecuted. This is why it is so important that we, as decent human beings, look out for them and protect them.

You will learn all about who are on the list of easy targets for bullies.

Once you learn this information, you will better be able to be a champion for these people and they will have people like you to protect them when they cannot protect themselves.

This post is all about the seven groups that are easy targets for bullies and how you can be a voice for people in these persecuted groups.

easy targets for bullies

There are many groups of people people make objects of bullying. People who are just different. It doesn’t matter what that difference is. It’s human nature to want sameness. However, sameness gets boring fast.

For example, most people love pizza. It doesn’t mean they want to eat it every day of their lives.

So, which groups of people are the most likely targets of bullies? Here are your answers:

1. people who look different

They could be fat, thin, short, or extremely tall. It could be that they have an unusually large nose or ears. Maybe they have freckles or none at all.

Moreover, people with eyeglasses or braces may suffer bullying as well. However, someone with a cast on one of their legs may also endure it as would someone in a wheelchair.

The point is that bullies will pick out something visibly different about the person, then run with it. This only evidences the ignorance that bullies have.

However, bullies don’t target all obese or skinny people. Bullies only like to pick out a victim, then make life hard on them. It’s just want bullies do.

Therefore, the best thing to do is to see these bullies for what they truly are, ignorant morons with nothing better to do than to make other’s lives miserable. But, why do they do this?

They do it because of boredom or they live pretty miserable lives themselves. The only way bullies can feel better about themselves is to make others feel bad. They are pathetic souls we should pity.

2. Easy targets for Bullies: special needs people and those with disabilities

But why? Because, sadly, these particular targets are the most vulnerable and least valued in most schools, companies, organizations, and communities.

Furthermore, they are virtually defenseless. The heartbreaking truth is that nine times out of ten, the rest of society and even members of authority do not see these innocent individuals as human beings.

Not only kids in school, but adult bullies in the workplace will also target employees with disabilities.

Should it be any wonder bullies prey on sped students and disabled adults the most? It’s because bullies are great big cowards and all too often, the disabled are unwilling or unable to defend themselves properly.

Because students in special education are usually low on social intelligence, they’re easy to get a reaction from and bullies can exploit this at will.

For example, I cannot count the times during school, that I saw a bully go up to a sped student. They would snatch something away from them to get a little free entertainment.

Then, as soon as the child started crying or screaming, the bully said, “Oops! Oh, I’m sorry. Here ya go!” and give the item back as soon as they got the desired reaction out of the poor kid.

In the workplace, I’ve seen many adult bullies harass and attack fellow employees who were disabled. Those were the employees I stuck up for. Many times, I’d make myself a target at work just by speaking up for a disabled employee.

Even worse, I’ve also heard gut-wrenching stories of other teachers in schools bullying those in the special ed program. Again, these were teachers. Teachers!

Even teachers aren’t above bullying sped students.

I also witnessed it firsthand during high school when a sped girl in the lunch line just a few heads in front of me was laughed at and mocked by a group of cliquey teachers. Mind you. These women were supposed to be adults!

These cruel educators would look down their noses at this child and openly ridicule her, making her the butt of their jokes.

Moreover, I also heard the mean-spirited comments. The teachers remarked about how this poor girl would never find a job nor contribute anything to society. They concluded that she would only be a drain on the taxpayers’ money once she got out of school.

I have to tell you. Just listening to those remarks made me sick to my stomach! How I wish I’d had the guts to stand up for her when it happened!

However, I was only seventeen and a student myself at the time. I knew to keep my mouth shut because- well, these bullies were teachers.

 I was also thankful that those cackling old shrews weren’t spewing any of their venomous wisecracks on me. Pure prejudice and discrimination were what this was!

Every school has those types of teachers and staff and they are usually the ones who not only mistreat the lunch ladies, custodians, and teachers who aren’t members of their little circle, they also mistreat sped students and sped teachers. And it’s a crying shame!

3. imaginative and creative people

This group is easy targets for bullies due to their vivid imaginations and creativity, which, by the way, isn’t a bad thing. It’s actually a very good thing.

However, bullies hate imagination because they don’t have one and are jealous of anyone who does. Therefore, if you are creative and have an exceptional imagination, be prepared for bullies to attack your dreams and ambitions.

Just know that they do it out of jealousy. This should definitely make you feel better about yourself and encourage you to follow your dreams no matter what they tell you.

4. easy targets for bullies: people who are emotional

Understand that bullies are on the hunt for your reaction when they attack you, and, it’s the reason they do it. If bullies can get an emotional reaction from you, it only fuels their ego.

Therefore, you must keep your emotions in check and never give them the satisfaction.

You must realize that bullies bully you to get control of you. Moreover, when bullies can control a person, it gives them a huge rush of power and don’t think they will ever give that up.

This is why you must see your bullies exactly for what they are. And, what they are is a bunch of pathetic, cowardly, punks. Think about it, most people get their feel good from their talents or their hobbies. Some get it from togetherness with family and close friends.

These are the things that give most people meaning in their lives.

Bullies don’t have talents or hobbies. Moreover, they probably have dysfunctional families and friends who really don’t add much to their lives.

In fact, bullies have no redeemable qualities whatsoever. Therefore, their lives don’t have meaning. So, what’s left?

Attacking others and making them miserable is the only thing bullies have left. Therefore, in order to feel good about themselves, they must make someone else feel bad.

That alone should give your self-esteem a huge boost. So, don’t feel bad when bullies come for you and don’t get emotional. Realize that your bullies probably don’t have much going for them and this is their last-ditch effort to find one crumb of meaning to their miserable lives.

Then, be thankful that you’re so awesome that you don’t have to resort to such measures. You’re a winner and you should know it.

5. People who are loners

Bullies love to target loners. Why? Because these are people who don’t have many friends. Moreover, no friends equals lack of support, which makes bullies even more emboldened to bully the person.

Remember that bullies are great big cowards. They will never bully those with numerous friends because they know that there will be people who will stand up for them. Therefore, loners are one of the easiest targets.

Also, most bullies run in packs. They always have an entourage of followers behind them to back them up. You see? Bullies never bully alone. They always do it in groups just in case the victim happens to be someone who isn’t afraid to fight back.

Bullies can do nothing on their own. Again, this fact should make you feel better about yourself because you aren’t afraid to stand alone. You can take care of yourself and that’s a great quality to have.

6. people who have low self-esteem

Bullies know that if someone has low self-esteem, they don’t like themselves very much. Therefore, they are least likely to stand up for themselves when attacked.

If you are one of these people, you must find ways to boost your self-esteem and see the value you bring to this world. Once you see your worth, you will no longer put up with those who make you feel bad and you won’t be afraid to either ditch them or defend yourself.

this post was all about categories of people who are easy targets for bullies to help you know what to fix in yourself and what to be proud of. It also helps you to know which people you should be helping.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Ways to Know the Difference

2. How Do Bullies Pick Their Victims? Here are Your Answers

3. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

How Do Bullies Pick Their Victims? Here are Your Answers.

How do bullies pick their victims? That is the question on every target’s mind. If people constantly bully you and you want the answers as to why they chose you to harass, look no further.

how do bullies pick their victims

Being a victim of bullying can make life much more difficult than it should be. If you’re anything like I was, you’re probably wondering why it is you that bullies are coming for and what you can do about it.

You will learn about all the criteria bullies look for in potential victims.

After learning about this criteria, your answer to the question, “How do bullies pick their victims,” will be answered and you can begin the inner work to become more bully-proof. Also, you will be able to spot other potential victims and stand up for them if you must.

This post will give you all the answers to that nagging question that plagues your mind, “How do bullies pick their victims.”

How do bullies pick their victims?

Before we get into the answers, let’s ask this question.

Have you noticed that bullies always seen to pick the same types of people to target with their bullying?

Bullies pick good people, smart people, people who are creative and seem to be going places. They also pick those who are shy and quiet – introverts.

Moreover, and, perhaps, the saddest of all, they also pick people with medical conditions, the disabled, those with special needs, and those who have some kind of perceived physical defect.

Therefore, in a nutshell, they will either pick those who are much weaker and lower on the social hierarchy or those who pose a threat to their social status or power.

But!

Exactly what criteria do bullies watch closely for in potential victims? In other words and in broader terms, how do bullies pick their victims?

There are several answers. Here’s how:

1. Bullies like to make targets out of people who take responsibility for their lives.

Most targets tend to be good people who follow rules and laws. They understand that rules and laws are in place for a reason- to ensure a safe community and society.

Most targets do not go around blaming others for their actions and behavior. More often than not, targets blame themselves and try to correct their mistakes when they make them.

Therefore, bullies see this and they see these people as easy to manipulate and make feel guilty for their (the bullies’) rotten behavior.

Because these people tend to blame themselves, bullies will blame these people even though it’s the bullies who have the issues. Over time, bullies can condition targets to accept blame for things they have no control over, such as another person’s behavior.

2. “How do bullies pick their victims?”

They pick people who are goal oriented.

This is especially so with workplace and corporate bullies.

Many targets of bullying work hard, are goal-oriented and have a truckload of self-discipline. They know that if you want anything in life, you have to work for it.

Therefore, these victims work like the devil to reach their goals and dreams. Also, they have the utmost perseverance and endurance, which are characteristics that most bullies lack.

This is why many targets mistakenly stay in toxic work environments until they end up with a psychological injury from all the bullying they endure. Bullies select these people to bully because their good traits only reflect back to the bullies their own laziness, inadequacy, and lack of purpose.

Moreover, bullies see these people as threats. Why? Because bullies lack self-discipline, and their relationships are usually superficial, one-sided, and short lived. Therefore, they will pull out all the stops to contain those threats.

Bullies will exploit these people’s perseverance by establishing one-sided friendships, partnerships, and romances with them. Next, they use the push and pull method- going hot and cold, making empty promises and love bombing the person.

The reason they do this to make the victim hold onto the hope that just maybe the bully will give them what they’ve been wanting- acceptance, approval, attention, and praise.

However, the truth is that no matter how much the person tries to better the association, bullies will never be satisfied. They will always find fault with him/her. Understand that one person can never sustain a relationship, friendship, or partnership. It takes effort from both sides!

3. “How do bullies pick their victims?”

Most potential victims of bullying are empaths.

Most targets of bullying are exceptionally empathetic people who like to help humanity. They strive for self-betterment, to empower others, and make a positive difference in the world.

This is a threat to bullies because, again, these are threats to bullies and only reflect back at them their self-centered, attention grabbing, and flawed personalities. In short, empaths force bullies to see themselves for who they truly are.

Therefore, bullies will go all out to make them pay for it.

Also, bullies are masters at gaining sympathy from others. Therefore, they target people with empathy because they assume that they are the perfect to elicit sympathy from.

How bullies extract sympathy from empaths is by pretending to be the real victims.

Moreover, the minds of the bullies, the target is supposed to feel terrible for them because they’ve had such a tough life. And because they (the bullies) have had it so rough, it’s why they behave like they do.

Therefore, the target is made to feel that he/she should just accept the abuse.

Understand that this is a load of bologna. There’s no excuse for being a total heel to people and treating them like garbage.

Also, empaths have difficulty setting boundaries and bullies take full advantage of it. They usually retaliate viciously when the empath finally gets tired of their crap and puts their foot down.

4. Most targets of bullying are people who make plans and think ahead.

Because these people plan carefully and think ahead, they have goals and dreams that come to fruition and relationships that are solid and long lasting. Bullies are highly jealous of this and they desperately seek these people just to tear them down.

 

5. Bullies select people who are givers and not takers.

They love to target people who are people-pleasers and reluctant to ask for help and they select them because they see these people as easy to use and degrade. Because these people have a hard time establishing their boundaries, bullies will violate them at will and to achieve their own sick ends. Understand that bullies are takers and never givers!

 6. “How do bullies pick their victims?”

they pick People who are smart.

Intelligence is a huge threat to bullies. Why? Because a smart person will more than likely see through the bullies’ fake facades and call them out publicly on it.

Also, just their intelligence alone can serve as a mirror and force the bullies to see their own lack of smarts and make them feel inferior. And they will seek to punish the target for that.

Moreover, bullies want to get them before they get the bullies.

targets who appear weaker, slower, and less intelligent

These victims don’t pose as threats to bullies. But because they are seen as having weaknesses and are usually on the lower end of the social hierarchy, bullies seen them as easy targets. Therefore, they will relentlessly harass them too.

This is mostly the case with school bullies, although the popular bullies may pick the students who are confident and are high academic stars.

1. These bullies select people with low self-esteem.

Bullies know these individuals are easy pickings. Why? Because anyone with low self-esteem will be least likely to fight back.

Low self-esteem is easy to spot and bullies are experts at reading people. Bullies will notice the body language of the potential victim.

And sadly, many people who are susceptible to becoming victims give off that “bullied” vibe, or the “victim” vibe. Moreover, they do it through their body language and other nonverbal expressions.

Poor posture, downcast eyes, frown or expressionless face, poor communication, and being too quiet are all signs of low self-esteem.

Bullies see this a mile away and they take full advantage.

 2. Bullies usually pick people whose communication skills need improvement.

If a person’s communication skills are lacking, they will most likely suffer in silence when people violate their boundaries. Bullies rely on the target’s silence so that they can continue to bully the target and cover up their appalling behavior.

3. “how do bullies pick their victims?”

they pick those who are disabled and people with special needs.

Why? Because, sadly, these particular targets are the most vulnerable and least valued in society. Let’s just be truthful here.

In fact, they are virtually defenseless.

The heartbreaking truth is that nine times out of ten, the rest of of society doesn’t see them as human beings. Bullies aren’t stupid. They instinctively know this.

Therefore, should it be any wonder bullies prey on sped students and disabled adults the most?

Bullies are great big cowards and all too often, the disabled and those with special needs are unwilling or unable to defend themselves properly. Because students in special education are usually low on social intelligence, they’re easy to get a reaction from and bullies can exploit this at will.

4. bullies pick those with medical issues.

Of course. People with diseases, such as diabetes and cancer are least able to defend themselves. Bullies love people who can’t defend themselves because they feel the least threatened by them.

Also, they can bully them at will and for as long as they wish. Remember that bullies are entitled little cowards.

this post answered the question, “How do bullies pick their targets.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

2. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

3. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

4. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

5. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

Do you want the ability to distinguish like vs respect? Or the opposite, dislike vs disrespect? Here we will discuss the difference between the two.

like vs respect

Many people have the impression that like and respect are the same, when, in fact, they’re quite different.Here, I will differentiate like vs respect and give details as to how they differ.

You will learn to distinguish between the two by noticing the diverse characteristics of each.

After learning to separate both terms, you will be able to know the difference when you see it on the street. Also, your social life will benefit greatly.

This post is all about the details and characteristics of like vs respect that you must know to better work with people.

like vs respect

What’s the difference between them?

Before we go further, let’s put it this way:

There can be respect without like. However, there can never be like without respect. Put more straightforward, a person doesn’t have to like you to respect you, but they do have to respect you to like you.

Difference 1.

Like:

Like is based on commonalities, and good feelings shared between people. Therefore, when you like someone, you enjoy their company and the positivity they bring to your life.

Whereas, to not like somebody means you have nothing in common or just don’t want to be around the person. That’s perfectly okay because not everybody is alike and shares the same beliefs, feelings, ideas, or backgrounds. Like is subjective and it’s just a normal part of human existence.

Therefore, you can dislike someone but respect their right not to have their boundaries crossed.

Respect:

Respect is regard for another person’s safety, space, freedom, privacy, property, and individuality. When you respect someone, you may not necessarily like the person, but you see them as having the same rights and considerations as you and everyone else.

In contrast, to disrespect someone means that you have no regard for their safety, space, freedom, privacy, property, or individuality.

Hence, like vs disrespect.

like vs respect:

What are the Specific Signs of Dislike?

1. Nothing in common with the person. You wish them well, but you’d prefer not to go on long trips with them. You have no problem coexisting.

2. You see them as having the same human rights and you and anyone else, and you won’t bully them nor place them in danger. You only don’t have anything in common with the person.

3. Dislike isn’t always personal. It only means that you just don’t mesh well.

Again, this is just a normal part of life. Everybody has people who don’t like them…everybody! Why? Because everyone is different and we all run in different circles.

It’s just a part of life.

Most get confused between like vs disrespect.

Too many people mistake dislike for disrespect, even hate. There are people even I dislike, but I don’t hate them. I just let them be and go on doing my thing.

it’s dislike. that’s all it is.

This is why you should never worry about who likes or doesn’t like you. It’s a waste of your time. Why? Because, when you do, you give away your power by allowing others’ opinions to control you.

So, do you want to be a slave to mere opinions?

The key to your happiness is not to concern yourself with what others think of you. This is not only happiness, it’s freedom, the best kind there is! Therefore, see your worth, and let those people go live their lives while you go live yours. As long as they aren’t bothering you, be okay with their dislike.

Do not go out of your way to make people like you. Don’t put on any fronts, and don’t try to be someone you aren’t.

In short, DON’T CHANGE!

Instead, be yourself and do your thing. Do the things that make you happy. Keep this up and you will naturally attract the friends who were meant to be in your life.

like vs respect:

What are the Detailed Signs of Disrespect?

1. Lack of regard for the person’s freedom- this could include belittling their opinions and ideas, taking away their freedom to speak by talking over them when they are speaking, getting angry with them if they would rather spend time with family than with you or the group.

2. Lack of regard for the person’s safety- you bully them or put them in danger of being physically hurt. You don’t want to coexist.

3. Disrespect is always personal.

Disrespect is a whole different animal from dislike. If you have disrespect for a specific individual. You don’t see them as having the same human rights and considerations as you and everyone else.

Therefore, you don’t acknowledge that person’s boundaries, and you are more likely to trample their dignity and human rights.

Put simpler, you think the person somehow deserves to be violated. Therefore, you deem it okay to abuse them as much as you want and with impunity.

Disrespect almost always boils over into verbal and emotional abuse, and even physical violence.

beware of disrespect.

If you are ever around anyone who disrespects you, it pays to watch them closely (without looking like you’re watching them, of course). Also, watch your back around them.

do one of two things. Either call them out or distance yourself. Understand that people who disrespect you are usually out to harm you in some way.

However, at the same time, you should never care about their opinions of you either. Never allow them to define you. It’s your place to define yourself, not theirs.

Instead, ask yourself these questions:

“Have any of these morons even reached my level?”

“Do their opinions even matter?”

“Who are these people that I should care?”

Understand that the weight you give to any opinion should depend on who they are and the relationship you have with them. Know that not everyone’s thoughts or opinions are relevant nor do their words mean anything.

like vs respect: Also, consider this:

In order to be offended by another person’s opinions, or words, you must first value them, which means, you must first value the owner of those opinions, and words.

In other words, the value you give their opinions depends on who they are and how close you are to them.

And hold that belief along with the understanding that their hatred only comes from a place of ignorance, stupidity, bitterness, jealousy, or insecurity. Nothing more.

Take it with a grain of salt and only value the opinions of those who know you- God and those of your closest family members and friends.

When you stop caring what bullies think of you, you stop valuing their opinions. In that, you stop giving bullies value and consideration they haven’t earned. Therefore, you stop giving them your power.

like vs disrespect: how to respond to lack of the former

If you are a victim of bullying, you must distinguish between the two and act appropriately. Disrespect is much worse than dislike. Dislike is a part of life and much easier to deal with. Disrespect, on the other hand, is harmful.

The people who dislike you won’t necessarily try to hurt you but act neutral around you. They might even say a few words to you to be polite. They just won’t be buddy-buddy with you.

On the other hand, people who disrespect you will violate you. They will shame you, humiliate you, try to sabotage you, and physically assault you.

If the people around you dislike you, it’s their loss, and you can still be around them if you must.

However, if they disrespect you, then it’s time to either stand up to them, walk away from them or send them packing. People who regard you with disrespect don’t deserve a place in your life!

Therefore, do what you need to do to protect yourself from being harmed by them. And if the person who disrespects you happens to be in your circle, be prepared to cut ties with them.

It takes courage to walk away from a toxic family member or friend but sometimes, self-care requires you to do so.

Besides, there’s a positive side to your bullies’ disrespect if you look for it.

You could see them as motivation to work on yourself. In other words, you can use it as fuel to pursue your goals and dreams. Your bullies’ disrespect can be a vehicle to success if you want it to.

Conclusion:

If you had to choose, wouldn’t you much rather be respected than to be liked? And, wouldn’t you prefer to be disliked rather than disrespected? With dislike, there’s still a degree of safety. With disrespect, there is no safety because to be disrespected means that people either presently or eventually will violate your boundaries.

Think of it this way. In the Marine Corps, privates may not like a certain drill sergeant because he’s a complete jerk. But they respect him and with respect comes protection and safety.

This post was all about the detailed differences of like vs respect to help you to recognize each when it happens and respond accordingly.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

3. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

Conditioning: 5 Signs You’re Being Conditioned

Al’Want to know the signs of conditioning so that you can protect yourself from it? These are the surefire signs to be aware of.

conditioning

Bullies and abusers have ways of conditioning you without you ever being aware that they’re doing it. In most cases you won’t notice it until it has totally changed you and ruined your life. As someone who has been there and overcome it, I’m giving you the signs you must know to stay safe.

You are going to learn about all the early signs of conditioning so that bullies can no longer play these mind games with you.

After learning about the signs of conditioning, you will be prepared and no longer easy to manipulate.

This post is all about the signs of conditioning that every victim and target of bullying should have knowledge of.

conditioning

What is it? In simplest terms, conditioning happens when others brainwash and train you to believe or accept something you wouldn’t normally believe nor accept. Therefore, unscrupulous people will psychologically condition you to believe many falsehoods and accept all kinds of abuse.

This is how people become brainwashed and extreme evil and terrible abuses get normalized.

Therefore, when you’re a target of bullying, bullies will very deceitfully try to condition you to roll over and take their abuse. Also, they will slyly and slowly, over time, “Pavlov” you to believe any lie they say until finally, they convince you to turn on yourself.

Realize that conditioning doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a slow, incremental, bit-by-tiny-bit process that can also be soft and subtle.

In other words, conditioning starts out small and is barely recognizable when it first begins.  It is at this stage when you must know how to recognize it because, the longer it goes on and the bigger the abuses get, the harder it is to defend yourself against it and put a stop to it.

he one thing that will help you to recognize it is that your body will feel it and you’ll sense it in the vibes the people you’re dealing with put out. Pay attention.

So, how do you know your bullies are conditioning you?

Here are the signs:

5 Signs You’re being Conditioned:

You’ll know by the feelings you have.

1. You begin Feeling guilty for defending yourself, speaking out about the bullying you suffer, and reporting the bullying to authority

This most commonly occurs with empaths. However, if you’re an empath and you aren’t careful, you will likely be used and abused by narcissists, bullies, and abusers.

Remember that sometimes you must put your needs first. Also, there will be times when you will need to stand up for yourself.

You have a right not to be abused and you are just as good as the next person. You wouldn’t inflict pain on anyone else and you should never allow others to inflict pain on you either.

Self-care is never selfish. It’s essential.

Therefore, continue to stand up yourself. Don’t stop taking care of yourself. Because, if you don’t,  no one else will either. Remember that you aren’t responsible for their feelings.

In a situation of bullying, all you have is you and your greatest weapon is your voice. Use it! Don’t lose it!

2. Another sign of conditioning is Feeling that the bullying you suffer is all your fault.

Anytime you blame yourself for the bullying you suffer, you can be sure that your bullies have conditioned you. Therefore, understand this right now! It’s not your fault!

You are not responsible for your bullies’ behavior. Their horrid actions are a reflection of their choices, not yours. Moreover, you cannot control the behavior of another person. The only person’s behavior you have control over is your own.

So, when you blame yourself for being bullied, you are taking responsibility for the behavior of others, which are things you have no control over.

Do not allow them to condition you to believe that anything beyond your control is your fault! It isn’t!

3. You start feeling like a heel for saying no.

Saying “no” can be difficult and at times, even downright scary. If you’re a decent human being who believes in being civil to your fellow man, the last thing you want is to let someone down. However, there are situations when saying yes to someone else is like saying no to yourself.

When you say no, it doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person, especially when bullies are trying to force you to do something you don’t want to do.

But what if your bullies threaten either physical harm or worse social exclusion if you do not comply with their wishes?

Nobody wants to get hurt. The natural human response is to submit and make the pain, torment, or the threat of, stop. In your mind, you’re thinking, “Alright, alright! I’ll do it if you’ll go away and leave me alone!”

Therefore you fall for the false promises that they will leave you be and stop hurting you. BUT!

Realize that bullies and abusers never make good on those promises. The harassment won’t stop. If anything, it will only get worse.

Why? Because your bullies have benefited from forcing you to say yes. And more than likely, they’ve been getting those benefits for a long time now.

Your bullies never stopped the harassment after all those times you said yes to them before. So, why would they stop now?

Saying no to a bully is never an easy option.

Bullies don’t take no for an answer, least of all from their targets! However, not only is it necessary, it’s essential for self-care!

Therefore, begin saying no, and do it often. However, realize that you can’t change a bully. And if the bullies resist (and they more than likely will), be ready for possible retaliation. And if they do act up, again, it isn’t your fault nor your responsibility.

The only time you should say yes to bullies is if they pull a gun. Otherwise, stick to your answer.

I’ll grant you that saying no is risky. It always has been. Your bullies may threaten you with the business end of their fists and you may come out of it with a shiner and a fat lip.

However, those wounds will heal. But the psychological injury of wishing you hadn’t let yourself down will last for years.

Again, you must say no, even if it makes others angry.

4. another hallmark of conditioning is when You feel like the biggest wuss on the planet.

You know the feeling. When you know you allowed someone else force you into something you neither wanted to nor agreed to. It left a psychological injury that took a long time to recover from.

You ended up asking yourself, “Now, why didn’t I tell those creeps to take a flying leap off the highest cliff head first?” That feeling of powerlessness can be worse than any physical pain you ever suffered.

 In other words, you blame yourself for not standing up to your bullies or abusers. You think that maybe you’re not strong enough, or this enough, or that enough. This is another sign of conditioning.

However, you must know that your bullies act up not because you aren’t firm enough. And don’t think it was because you aren’t any good at defending yourself.

It’s because your bullies are a bunch of pathetic, self-entitled turds. Bullies are abusers and abusers have a talent for conditioning their victims. Therefore, abusers expect the rest of the world to bow down and kiss their behinds and none of that is your fault.

Understand that their behavior isn’t your guilt to carry. Then, begin standing up for yourself and refuse to believe the lies your bullies try to drum into your head.

REPEAT!

Don’t fall for their power plays. Stand up, stand tall, and stand firm no matter what.

5. Your body will feel those icky vibes your bullies are putting out.

In other words. you’ll sense it by feeling that something is “off.” Moreover, you’ll feel it in the pit of your stomach. And sometimes, you’ll feel it before the first words are exchanged.

This is, perhaps, the most important sign of all. Why? Because, as mentioned earlier in the post, conditioning is soft and subtle in the beginning. So much so that it isn’t noticeable.

However, here’s your first clue: Your body will tell you if you pay attention to it. Your body, particularly, your gut, will pick up on these sickening vibrations your bullies put out.

Many targets of bullying often mistake this feeling for “just being paranoid” and ignore the feeling. But this is the last thing you should do.

Understand that God gave us all that “sixth sense” or, as it is more commonly called, the “gut feeling” or “instinct”, for a reason.

Therefore, anytime you get a bad feeling in your gut about someone, you are not being paranoid and you are not over-reacting. What you’re doing is picking up on that person’s energy. As a result, your inner alarm is trying to warn you about the person and keep you safe.

You must pay close attention to your gut and to other people’s energy because energy doesn’t lie and neither does your gut instinct!

If ever you catch bad vibes off another person, have nothing to do with them. Instead, get as far away from them as you can and as fast as you can! You will save yourself a lot of trouble, I promise!

This post was all about the signs of conditioning to help you to recognize these indicators early on and protect yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to be Aware of

4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Power Statements to Use

phrases to shut down a gaslighter

Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

Want to know the best phrases to shut down a gaslighter? The phrases that you’re about to read are the most powerful statements you need to make the next time a bully tries to gaslight you.

phrases to shut down a gaslighter

When people gaslight you, it can leave you confused and feeling unnecessary guilt. If you’re like I was, you probably wish you knew powerful phrases to shut down gaslighting. As one who’s had multiple bullies, I’m giving you the most powerful statements you can use to shut your bullies down for good.

You will learn about the top, most powerful phrases to shut down a gaslighter.

After learning about all these cool comebacks, you are going to be a pro and on the ready the next time your bullies even attempt to gaslight you.

This post is all about the most powerful phrases to shut down a gaslighter. This is information that every person with integrity should know.

9 most powerful phrases to shut down a gaslighter

Before we get to the phrases, here’s a quick question. Have you ever had a situation when a bully was gaslighting you and you were stuck without a good comeback? I have and it was pretty humiliating.

Gaslighting can make it’s victims feeling not only confused and bewildered, but also embarrassed. It’s extremely difficult to pull out a good comeback, on the fly, when you’re in the middle of a gaslighting session.

However, one thing you should never, ever say to a gaslighter is this:

“I’m sorry.”

“You were right, it’s my fault.”

To bullies, apologies are not only submissions, but admissions of guilt. Moreover, telling the bully that they were right and admitting fault is surrendering to them. This is just how bullies think.

Although, it may tempting to go ahead and accept blame just to avoid further conflict or to keep the peace, I implore you. DON’T! Not under any circumstances!

Never take responsibility for a bully’s behavior, or anyone else’s for that matter. You are only responsible for your own words and actions, no one else’s.

The reason you should never capitulate like this is because the bullies will only take it and run with it. In other words, they will only weaponize it against you from here on out. And they will do it for the next several years or decades even.

Here’s what you SHOULD say:

1. “The truth hurts sometimes.”

This phrase is brilliant because it does two things:

It infuriates gaslighters because it reverses the sting back onto the gaslighter by turning the tables on them.

Also, it exposes your bully’s inability to handle the truth.

Your bullies may become angry after hearing this comeback. However, it can only work in your favor because their emotions will only further give them away.

Why? Because bullies don’t get emotional unless they’re so afraid they’re losing control of the conversation that they begin feeling desperate. Always remember that.

2. “I don’t see it that way.”

This is a good comeback because you’re making it clear to the gaslighter that you don’t agree with them.

Keep in mind that gaslighters gaslight because they want you to feel crazy, or like their behavior is your fault. They want you to doubt yourself and think, “well, maybe she’s right. I probably did have it coming.”

No you didn’t. Remember that you aren’t responsible for anyone else’s behavior but yours. Your bullies’ behavior is a reflection of their choices, not yours.

3. one-word phrases to shut down a gaslighter:

“Whatever.”

This little one-word response is so potent and powerful. It’s short and sweet, and it’s the perfect blow-off to any gaslighter.

Why? Because it sends the message that you refuse to engage with them. Also, through that response alone, you communicate to your bullies that they’re a waste of your time. And really, they are!

Therefore, you end up taking the wind right out of the gaslighter’s sail. Why? Because, your bullies are excepting a big reaction from you and when you blow them off with a “whatever,” you stun them.

 Any time you calmly use this comeback, you send the message to bullies that they don’t hurt nor intimidate you, they only bore you. Ouch!

It’s very difficult to counter a response of, “Whatever.”

Moreover, another reason this little beauty of a response infuriates bullies so much is that there’s no way to counter it. It stops them dead in their tracks and leaves them looking dumb.

Bullies may verbally retaliate with a “whatever” of their own. However, it will only make them look like they’re not very creative. Additionally, the bully will also look childish and stupid.

Therefore, the trick with this little one-worded bomb is to draw first blood. In other words, he who says it first automatically wins the day!

Do it this way and you look calm, cool, and collected while making your bullies look defeated. Most importantly, you preserve your own sanity by refusing to argue or to agree with their drivel.

So, keep this on your list of comebacks because with it, you can’t go wrong! Just remember to say it calmly and coolly. Then watch your bullies’ reactions as they search and stumble to find a comeback without repeating you and looking utterly ridiculous.

However, whether they comeback with a childish response or not, your “whatever” has already shut down the toxic conversation. So, the only reason they respond is because they know they’re beat. Your bullies are only having to scramble to find a comeback, which is why they usually fail miserably.

This is definitely to your advantage.

4. I’m sorry you feel that way.”

This really ticks off bullies and gaslighters because, just like number 1, it turns the tables on the gaslighter. You send the unpoken message that you refuse to apologize for something you didn’t do or something that isn’t your fault.

Using this sarcastic comeback isn’t an apology. It’s a dig. It shows bullies and gaslighters that you could care less about their feelings. Also, it communicates to them that nothing they have to say to you is worth the effort you must put in to argue.

Again, this is how you respond to a gaslighter.  Gaslighters get no respect because they don’t give any.

5. “that’s your opinion, not mine.”

This comeback also turns the tables on gaslighters in that it boomerangs their initial words back to them. Also, it lets them know that you could care less about what they think of you or what they have to say.

Bullies will seethe when you use this gem of a comback. I guarantee it!

6. “You have your reality and I have mine.”

Gaslighters are notorious for trying to undermine your reality and call your perception into question. Anytime you give your bullies this response, you tackle the problem up front.

Moreover, they get the message that you’re not one to be swayed from your perception, which will shut them down completely. In other words, they’ll know instantly that you’re immune to any manipulative mind games they try to play.

And this is what you want so they’ll leave you alone and go find some other sucker to jerk around

7. Phrases to shut down a gaslighter can also be questions.

“How?” or “Like WhO (what, when, where)?”

What you are doing here is asking for details. You’re responding to the gaslighter with questions and they will absolutely hate that. Gaslighters always avoid details because when you ask questions, you change the focus from opinions and emotions to hard facts.

In essence, you force them to come up with hard evidence to back up their argument. Most gaslighting bullies can’t do that simply because they only speak from emotions rather than facts.

Ask a bully questions referring to context and evidence. Then, laugh as you watch them stutter and stammer, trying to come up with an intelligent-sounding answer.

8. “You’ll get over it.”

This is the perfect response in lieu of a direct apology.

Now, this may seem callous, unfeeling, and cold. However, the “you’ll get over it” response allows you to respond without accepting blame and

Always remember that bullies lack integrity and a conscience. Any of the two shown in the presence of those who don’t have it will be shot down.

Moreover, this comment will more than likely rile your bullies’ emotions up because they’ll get the message that you don’t take them seriously. And you shouldn’t. Therefore, they will expose themselves through their outbursts of anger and indignation.

Respond without taking responsibility for their bad behavior and do it with power!

9. The Softer version of one of the phrases to shut down gaslighters:

“Don’t worry. You’ll be alright.”

This response is the same as number 8 but with a softer touch. Again, this deflects the gaslighting away from you and back to the bully. The “Don’t worry” part highlights the bully’s anger or upset emotional state while buffering you from the bully’s initial attack.

It’s one of the perfect verbal boomerangs that can force bullies to expose themselves because most bullies will explode at this comeback even if it is a softer one. Why? Because they will get the message that you take their frantic gaslighting with a grain of salt.

So, what bully wouldn’t flip out at a response like this? Remember that bullies want you to get emotional. Or, they want you to hang your head low and walk away, feeling like you wronged them somehow.

Don’t do either of these things. Use these responses and pretty soon, no one will bully or gaslight you. These responses worked for me and they can work for you too.

the post was all about the most powerful phrases to shut down a gaslighter to help you stand up to gaslighting and preserve your self-esteem and overall mental health.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Respond to DARVO: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut It Down

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

gaslighting phrases

Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

Would you like to know gaslighting phrases so that you can see and hear gaslighting as it happens? These are the most common statements bullies will use to make you doubt yourself.

gaslighting phrases

When bullies hurl gaslighting statements your way, it can be twice as hurtful. Why? Because they victimize you a second time after you call out the initial abuse. As one who’s personally experienced this kind of behavior, I’m giving you the top gaslighting phrases to keep an ear out for.

You are going to learn the most common gaslighting phrases bullies use against their targets.

After you learn about all these statements, you will be better prepared with the proper comebacks to shut these creeps down. Moreover, you will have a greater chance of taking back control of your life.

This post is all about the most common gaslighting phrases that every target of bullying should watch for.

Gaslighting phrases:

Before we begin with the seven most common phrases used by gaslighters, I will mention the definition and goal of gaslighting for anyone who is new to this topic.

So, what is gaslighting?

Gaslighting comes from the 1940s film, “Gaslight,” in which an abusive husband exploits his wife by trying to convince her that she is going crazy. Another word for this type of abuse is “crazymaking.”

Gaslighting is a form of abuse that bullies and abusers inflict by saying things to cause their victims to doubt themselves and their own personal experiences. Moreover, the goal of gaslighting is for bullies to wield more power over the victim while diminishing their account of the abuse they suffer.

It is a sick and perverse mind game abusers play with their targets. So, what are the most common gaslighting phases bullies use and what do they sound like?

1. “You’re only imagining things.”

Bullies and abusers use this phrase to get you to doubt your own reality and question your own sanity. Furthermore, they aim to discredit you and to prompt bystanders and witnesses to question you as well. It’s so easy, it shouldn’t work.

But it does work, perhaps, a little too well!

By using this phrase (usually in front of an audience) the gaslighter attacks your ability to remember things accurately. Just as they do with the first statement, they discredit you by making you seem paranoid to others around them.

Moreover, they use this phrase to humiliate and silence you. Bullies hope that by doing this, they can silence you by making you so afraid of looking crazy that you’ll keep your mouth shut.

In short, this phrase has many goals: To discredit, embarrass, intimidate, and silence you.

This is why so many victims of this tactic eventually stop talking, while bullies and abusers only continue and escalate the abuse.

2. “That Didn’t happen.”

This is another deceitful response bullies and abusers quote to discredit you. This statement is also designed to make you look as if you have a faulty memory and can’t keep your story straight.

Moreover, when bullies make this statement, they make sure to look confident when they say it. They also say it with conviction. Here’s one thing you should know right now!

Abusers know that confidence (even false confidence) and conviction are THE two ingredients that will make any lie believable to bystanders.

So, be sure to keep this last bold sentence in the back of your mind! Always!

3. “You’re crazy!”

This is, perhaps, the worst of all gaslighting phrases.

Yep. There’s that crazy label again. Attacking your mental stability is the worst thing your bullies and abusers could ever do to you. The reason is that society believes those with mental illness the least, discredits them the most, and treats them the worst.

Moreover, hardened criminals and former prison inmates get better treatment than people who are believed to be mentally unstable. The reality is that people will take the word of a bank robber, rapist, or even a murderer over that of someone society has labelled mentally ill.

Bullies and abusers instinctively know this. And when they attack your sanity, they immediately shove you down to the bottom of the societal hierarchy. Furthermore, tearing off this label is the most difficult thing to do.

It’s much easier to exonerate yourself from accusations of a heinous crime than it is from the label of insanity or mental defect.

Additionally, your abusers only set you up to face a plethora of hate, discrimination, and prejudice in the future. Why? Because society, as a whole, even today, fosters an intense hatred of the mentally ill.

those perceived to be mentally ill are treated worse than hardened criminals.

And the hatred is so much so that even the mere perception that you are imbalanced can bring hatred to your doorstep. In fact, you may very well be the most sane and stable person on the face of the earth.

However, all it takes is for one person to paint you as “crazy,” spread the word to enough people, then kick back and let the court of public opinion take it from there. It’s that easy.

 As a result, your reputation will fall like a meteor. ‘You see? The sad thing is this:

Although it’s true that no one can ever prove that you are, in fact, crazy, there’s also no way that you can prove that you’re not. Mental defect OR fitness is, pretty much, impossible to prove.

Again, bullies and abusers are fully aware of these things, which is what makes the crazy label itself especially brutal. It has totally ruined the lives of many good, honest, and hardworking people.

4. “this is why nobody likes you.”

Bullies and abusers are masters at isolating their victims. They very skillfully use smear campaigns to turn friends, and yes, even family members against their targets. Bullies do this by reversing the roles and claiming to everyone that they are the one who has long suffered from your abuse.

The reason your bullies slander you to anyone who’ll listen is because it gives them the confirmation they so desperately need that you are a bad person.

Moreover, it breaks down the support system you once had, which gives your attackers a green light to continue and intensify the bullying and abuse. Bullies can now abuse you more freely without fear of anyone butting in and trying to interfere.

In other words, they don’t have to worry about any of your friends/family trying to rescue you.

This is why bullies despise it when you have friends and people who love and care about you. It undermines their power and control over you.

With that said, once your controller has succeeded in isolating you, this is one of the main gaslighting phrases you will hear them say. You bullies will say this to make you feel devalued and to drive the point into your head that you aren’t lovable, wanted, worthy of friendship… take your pick.

The goal here is to break your confidence and lower your self-esteem. Understand that this, or any other gaslighting statements are meant to condition your mind over time.

The process of gaslighting is gradual and slowly wears you down until you feel totally powerless.

5. “You Bring It all On Yourself,” Is another one of the most obvious of gaslighting phrases.

This evil and self-serving statement is meant to take responsibility off the bully/abuser and place it onto the victim. In other words, bullies refuse to take accountability for their bad behavior and, instead, blame the target.

In doing this, they re-victimize the target and blame them for being bullied and abused. Other such gaslighting phrases abusers may use are:

“It’s your own fault.”

“You got what was coming to you.”

“You made me hurt you.”

NOTE: “You made me” statements are especially obvious gaslighting phrases. You should see them as such and cut ties with the gaslighter immediately if possible. If this isn’t possible right away, you may need to plan your exit slowly and carefully while waiting and watching for the opportunity to get out.

6. You’re over-reacting” or “You’re being too sensitive”

Gaslighting statements like these are used to trivialize reality, your feelings, and your response. Understand that bullies are experts at trivializing their bad behavior along with your feelings and responses to it.

The goal here is to undermine your voice and your word in front of an audience and convince others not to take you seriously. If your bullies can cause others to call you into question and perceive you as paranoid, they can bleed you of any outside support.

7. “Everyone is on my side!” or “Everyone Agrees with me!”

This is also one of the top 3 worst gaslighting phrases. The reason it’s so bad is because it makes you feel outnumbered and out-voted. In other words, by making this statement, the bullies want you to feel as if everyone is ganging up on you.

Therefore, the more people you think side with the bullies, the more likely you are to doubt and question your own judgement. Abusers hope you do because if you doubt yourself, it’s easier for the people around you to doubt you too.

In conclusion, if you want to preserve your self-esteem and mental health, it is imperative that you know who you are and what you experience. Stay strong and never doubt what you see, hear, and experience no matter what mind games and tricks your bullies play.

Also, if possible, you must leave the environment (the company, the school, the relationship) if you expect to begin healing and take back control of your life.

Remember that people have left their home countries to escape oppression. That’s what gaslighting is, it’s a form of oppression as is other kinds of bullying and abuse.

It won’t be easy. In fact, it will be tough for a while. But it will be worth it in the end! I promise!

This post is all about the most common gaslighting phrases to help you see gaslighting for what it is and find a way out of any bullying environment!

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

2. How to Respond to DARVO: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

3. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out for

Coercive Control: The Top 5 Signs and How to Escape It

Do you want to know what coercive control looks like? These are the signs you must watch for if you want to stand against it or make your escape.

coercive control

Coercive control is harmful as it strips it’s victim of freedom and autonomy. As one who has experienced this in the past, I’m giving you all the signs to look out for. These are characteristics that I and many others have seen firsthand, time and time again.

You will learn the exact indicators so that you can decide early on the best recourse to take your personal power back.

After you learn about all these characteristics of it, you will better be able to take back control of your life and protect yourself from any future coercion.

This post is all about the signs of coercive control that every empathetic person with high integrity should know.

Signs of Coercive control

Before we go further, we must know that coercive control happens in all aspects of life. We most often hear of it running rampant between romantic partners and spouses.

Although true, coercive control also happens in school and on the job as well. Moreover, it is the main ingredient of school and workplace bullying and mobbing.

With that said, the first step in getting out of any controlling situation is to know the signs and what it looks like. Here are the signs.

Coercive control consists of behavior patterns that terrorize, punish, and harm its victims.

1. Ultimatums.

Ultimatums are the number one, most obvious sign of coercive control. They always include threats of some form of loss or harm to the victim. Moreover, they are meant to induce terror in victims and slowly chip away their confidence and self-esteem. Bullies use ultimatums to condition victims that they have no other choice but to obey.

Therefore, the goal of an ultimatum is to force the victim’s hand by threatening to take away something important to them. This could be the loss of a relationship, their home, or their children or family. Also, it could be their jobs or entire careers.

In other words, bullies wield power over their target by threatening the loss or harm to anything or anyone the victim loves or deems important.

Here’s an example. An abusive spouse threatens to take the children if the victim even thinks about leaving them.

Also, we have seem this form of control run rampant in the last five years. An example would be during 2020 and 2021, the height of the you-know-what.

It was, “do this within thirty days or you will no longer have your job.” Or it was, “If you haven’t done that within the next two weeks, we will have the state revoke your business license.”

Ultimatums are so insidious and blatant that there should be no question that they’re hallmarks of coercive control.

If people begin giving you ultimatums, know that they are trying to control you. Whether it’s an abusive partner, toxic boss at work, or bullies at school, you must stand against it.

Therefore, you have two choices, either say no and back it up by refusing their demands, or head for the nearest exit. Either way, you make a choice not to be controlled.

2. Physical Assaults and attacks.

Bodily harm is another one of the most blatant and obvious forms of coercive control.  Physical beatings are not only designed to harm the victim, they are also meant to induce intense fear in targets and as a tool for bullies to re-enforce their power and control.

Nobody wants to get brutally beaten. Bullies instinctive know this. Therefore, they use the threat of physical harm to get victims to obey their orders.

Therefore, if physical bullies ever attack you, it’s best to defend yourself. You have every right to do so.

If you can’t defend yourself because of size, lack of strength, or physical ailment, get the police involved. At least have them make out a report.

The law may or may not do anything for you. However, if they make a report and you get a copy of that report, you have a paper trail. Also, you have established a history of abuse on the part of your bullies.

Moreover, you should also document each occurrence of physical abuse, even if it happens only once. Remember that documentation of bullying and abuse is admissible in court because it’s sufficient evidence.

You have a God-given right to be free from harm. Don’t hesitate to assert that right!

3. the signs of Coercive control also include Isolating the victim.

When controlling abusers isolate their victims, they do it deliberately to cut them off from any support they may otherwise receive from others.

For instance, abusive spouses and partners will stop their partners from having anything to do with their family and friends. They will talk trash about the other people that love the partner. Also, they will lay guilt trips on their victim for spending time with family and friends.

They will also claim that the other family members and close friends don’t really love the partner and plant seeds of doubt in their minds about them.

Moreover, bullies at school and in the workplace will use smear campaigns to turn the victims friends against them. They will also do everything they can to prevent the victim from making any new friends.

Even worse, they will go as far as to try to turn the victim’s family members against them too, if they can.

Again, they do this on purpose because their goal is to isolate the victim from support networks. This way, they can better keep their victim under their control.

This is why you must stand firmly against this kind of abuse if it happens to you. And if you can’t stand against it, document everything then leave the environment. Leave the company or the town if you must. But, get away fast!

Next, consult an attorney if you can afford it. Lastly, file suit against them if you have sufficient evidence to do so.

4. They watch you closely.

Bullies and abusers will watch you like a hawk! Abusive partners, school bullies and workplace harassers will stalk you online, going through your social media profiles.

They do this to see if they can find dirt on you to spread around.

Abusive partners will scroll through your phone to see if you are cheating or talking to potential mates. They will also text you to check up on you. They will ask where you are, who you’re with, and when you’re coming home.

Also, they will drive by your house to see who’s car is in your driveway, trying to find out if you have visitors. Moreover, they will also try to find out who those visitors are.

School and workplace bullies will also watch your house to find out the same things. These kinds of people have even been known to go through the victim’s trash. And they do this AFTER they follow them home.

And they usually do this while your garbage can is sitting on the edge of the street waiting for the next day’s garbage pick-up.

If possible, set up a home security system and dash-cam for your vehicle. Record these nosy psychopaths. Remember, stalking and invasion of privacy is illegal and you can press charges. You can also sue the pants off them.

However, you must first gather your evidence and enough of it.

5. coercive control can also come in the form of cutting off any financial support the victim may receive.

This form of coercive control happens mostly in relationships between romantic partners and spouses. And when it does, the abuser often prevents the victim from going to work or getting a job.

Bullying partners do this deliberately to keep the victim dependent solely on them for financial support. Thus, making it more difficult to walk out on them and compelling the victim to stay in the abusive relationship.

Moreover, abusive partners may withhold money from the victim to punish them for a perceived slight. In this, they cause the partner to go without food, shelter, or clothing as a punishment. This keeps the victim in line and gives the abuser continued control.

financial control doesn’t only happen in romantic and spousal relationships.

Although this happens mostly in relationships, school and workplace bullies can also exert this kind of control. For instance, school bullies will take the victim’s lunch money. They also may coerce the victim to hand over the money they brought for school pictures and yearbooks. Realize that this is also a form of financial control.

Workplace bullies may cause the company to demote the target, which usually comes with a huge pay cut. They may also deliberately get the victim terminated.

Also, as if that isn’t enough, workplace bullies will also attempt to blackball the target and prevent them for gaining employment anywhere else. Thus, they prevent their target from supporting themselves or feeding their families.

Understand that this is also financial control because it cuts the target and his/her family from any financial support. I know a few people that have endured this and it took a long battle before they were able to overcome it and finally regain financial stability.

In conclusion, it is better to leave the relationship, however difficult it may be, before it gets this bad. Also document, I can’t repeat this enough! Documenting is crucial!

Also, you must document every instance of bullying in the workplace as well. Then, leave the toxic workplace before your bullies have a chance to get you fired. You’ll know the signs early on if you pay attention.

This post was all about the top signs of coercive control to help you to know when it’s time to plan your escape and get out from under it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. How to Respond to DARVO: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

3. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

gaslighting at work

Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

‘Want to know how to spot gaslighting at work, especially if it happens to you? Here are the classic indicators of workplace gaslighting so that you can know when it’s time to to update your resume and plan your escape before your job and entire career take a huge hit.

gaslighting at work

Gaslighting at work is no joke. If you’ve been on the receiving end of it like I have, you’re wondering how you spot it and know when it’s time to carefully plan your resignation and transition to a new job with a better company.

You will learn about all the signs of gaslighting at work so that you can better protect yourself against it.

After learning about all these surefire indicators, you will be better equipped to make the decision whether to dust off your resume and get out of that toxic work environment.

This post is all about gaslighting at work. This post will give you the symptoms that every job applicant and employee with any integrity should know about

Gaslighting at work: Signs to watch for

Gaslighting is gaslighting regardless of where it happens. It is a type of manipulation to make its target doubt their own sanity or feel/seem crazy.

Although it happens at home and at school, it can also happen in the workplace.  As with all gaslighters, workplace bullies gaslight their victims to avoid accountability for their own behavior. So, what are the signs?

1. The person doing the gaslighting is usually someone higher up.

When gaslighting happens at work, the people doing it are usually supervisors or those in management who use it to abuse the employees under them. In many cases, these unscrupulous authority members use charm and deceit to do their gaslighting. Therefore, it can be hard to spot it while it’s happening.

Supervisors and managers will often use their position of power and authority as leverage. This serves to discourage the employees who work under them from challenging them or reporting their abuse.

Also, the gaslighted employee is more than likely suffering workplace bullying and mobbing. Workplace bullying can add so much stress on an employee that they may be unable to think straight. And, when you cannot think straight, it’s even harder to identify gaslighting in real time.

People in authority are more inclined to gaslight in the workplace simply because of their authority.  Why? Because they know that the word of a bottom of the hierarchy employee doesn’t carry much weight in the workplace.

Also, bottom employees face bigger threats of job loss and career ruination than those in positions of power.

In most cases of Gaslighting at work, IT’s not about right and wrong. It’s about Hierarchy.

Understand that in any case of workplace bullying, mobbing, or gaslighting, it’s not about right and wrong. It’s about hierarchy. Therefore, the unspoken message is this.

“We’re in charge, you’re not, so, we can beat our chests and get away with it. And your best bet is to shut up and take the abuse or quit and go somewhere else. Good luck with that, by the way! You still have to list us as a work reference. So, not only can we fire your butt, we can also block you from getting future employment anywhere else.”

Sadly, there are some truly psychotic managers out there and they’re a force to be reckoned with.

However, it is still possible to spot gaslighting if you remain calm and know what to look for. If you are being gaslighted by a boss, your best recourse will most likely to first, gather your evidence.

Next, you quietly secure another job with a different company and put in your two-week or thirty day notice of resignation. Finally, once you leave, you’re free to sue the pants off the company. That is, IF, you have sufficient evidence to do so.

2. the gaslighter in charge is vague in their instructions.

Bullies use vagueness as a weapon. Bully bosses are always vague in their instructions. Understand that they do this deliberately. It’s a slick way for them to withhold information that’s vital to an employee’s job performance.

Moreover, workplace bullies do this in order to make the employees they despise look incompetent. Remember this. If you ever find yourself on the wrong side of a bully boss, you can be sure that they will be looking for any excuse to fire you.

Therefore, look for them to be as vague as possible when they give you instructions on how to perform your job. In other words, they will intentionally leave out important details. Later, they will admonish you harshly, in front of an audience, to humiliate you and make you look like a moron. This is just another form of gaslighting at work.

When this happens to you, I would highly suggest that you get out your resume and look for employment somewhere else. You want to do this before things get worse. And believe me, they are about to get worse, much worse.

Therefore, it’s better to go ahead and head it off now before it escalates into something that could destroy your career.

3. gaslighting in the workplace also includes a disregard of company policy.

For instance, if an employee the bully boss doesn’t like gets hurt on the job and files a report. The supervisor will accidentally-on-purpose forget to send it through the proper channels.

Then, he will accuse the injured employee of failing to report an on-the-job accident. Therefore, this provides the evil boss just another excuse to get rid of the employee.

And who’s the upper management going to believe? The employee or the supervisor? I think you already know the answer to that question.

This is why you should always make copies of the accident report if you ever get injured on the job. You will save yourself a truckload of trouble.

Again, gather your own evidence and plenty of it. Then, when another job opportunity comes open, get the hell out of there. Once you leave that hell-hole and you’re clear of any of the bullies, then haul them into court if you have satisfactory evidence to do it.

4. moving the goalposts is another form of gaslighting at work.

Understand that if you’re on the wrong side of a workplace bully in a position of power and you are lucky enough to reach a company goal, your bully boss will move the goalposts. They do this on purpose to make you look slow.

Though you may exceed goals time and time again, realize that your bully boss may view your successes as threats to his job. Therefore, he/she will cheat by raising the standards so high that it will be impossible for you (or anyone else) to reach.

Therefore, this will give them plenty of fodder to exercise their authority by chewing you and everyone else out for “failing to meet the company quota.”

Don’t even try to meet those impossible goals. You’ll only wear yourself out eventually. Besides, how many attempts to satisfy these bullies are you going to make before you become exhausted?

How long are you willing to shapeshift before you realize that conforming and adapting accordingly to their standards will never yield desired results?

You’ll only end up disappointed because, just as you can never fill a sieve, you can never appease a bully in the workplace, or anywhere for that matter.

So, stop wasting your time and energy. Realize that these people aren’t worth the powder to blow them up.

Again, the best you can do is look for other employment. Then, once you have another gig lined up, blow on out the door and bid these tyrants good riddance. No job is worth your mental or physical health.

5. gaslighting at work is also done by co-workers.

Even co-workers may gaslight you in hopes of securing that coveted promotion. In other words, they kick you and others down to move up in the company.

Other forms of gaslighting by co-workers is when they take credit for your work. And when you speak out against it, they make it look as if you’re trying to take credit for theirs. In essence, they reverse the roles of victim and offender.

Consequently, this tactic is so easy it shouldn’t work. But, it does.

Other forms of gaslighting at work by co-workers include them making up negative stories about you.

Also, they will deliberately sow discord between you and other co-workers. In other words, they will cause unnecessary conflict between you and your colleagues to make you look as if you’re a troublemaker who just isn’t a team player.

Lastly, bullying co-workers will also intimidate your colleagues and threaten them with retaliation if they continue to associate with you.

In conclusion, you must remember this very important tidbit here:

Most cases of workplace bullying, mobbing, and gaslighting by co-workers have somebody high-up behind the scenes, directing the entire movie. Put another way, your co-workers are likely gaslighting and bullying you at the behest of a bully supervisor or manager.

And they do this because the person in power has given them incentives to do so. They’ve offered them promotions or maybe even huge bonuses to bully you out of your job.

Therefore, it’s imperative that you begin an exit plan the moment you find yourself in these kinds of situations. The sooner you quit and move on to greener pastures, the better off you’ll be.

This post was all about gaslighting at work to help you decide when it’s time to prepare your exodus, cut your losses and move on to a better job and work environment.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Respond to DARVO: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

2. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

how to respond to DARVO

How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

Would you like to know how to respond to darvo that bullies use to discredit you when you report their bullying or speak out against it? Here are the most powerful ways you must know.

how to respond to DARVO

The DARVO method that bullies use is tricky. Many victims of bullying are at a loss as to how to respond to it. As one who has had this method used on me, I am giving you the most powerful ways to respond.

You will learn about how to respond to DARVO properly and the the best responses that will shut this method down for good.

After learning these points, you will be extra prepared the next time a bully uses this evil technique against you.

This post is all about how to respond to DARVO tactics that bullies use. This is important information every victim of bullying, even narcissistic bullying, should know.

How to respond to darvo:

1. learn what darvo is and how bullies use it.

The first step in learning how to properly defend yourself against any bullying tactics is to learn exactly what each of those tactics is.

What is DARVO?

DARVO is an acronym which stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender.

Realize that this is a classic reaction bullies make any time the victim calls out their bad behavior.

If you are a victim of such tactics, it is imperative that you educate yourself on them.

Additionally, you need not only memorize the definition and textbook description of it. You must also know what DARVO looks like as it is happening.

For instance, a narcissistic bully may attack you and you may call them out on their rotten behavior. The bully reacts by telling you, “it’s no big deal.” Or, he may say something to the tune of, “you’re making something out of nothing.”

Understand that these are classic DARVO comebacks because they invalidate reality and make you out to have over-reacted. Don’t fall for it. You know what they did and that it was wrong. Therefore, continue to stand strong and stick to your guns.

the bully will project.

Moreover, the bully will become extremely aggressive and attacks your character and credibility. They may even attack your motives and intentions.

The bully may also dissolve into a puddle of tears or begin yelling in anger while attacking you. Bullies are expert at turning on emotions to achieve a desired result, which is to make it look like you instigated their abuse. In other words, they make it look as if they were only reacting to what you did to them.

Also, the bully may use insults, threats, and gaslighting to discredit your description of their abuse. Moreover, they will swear up and down that they’re being unfairly accused and that you are making false accusations against them to cover your bad behavior.

Put simpler, they will accuse you of doing to them the very same things they, in fact, did to you. This is classic projection and you should call it out as such.

As another attempt to deflect, bullies will also try to justify their evil behavior by shifting blame to you.

Understand that bullies do all this to reverse the roles and in hopes that others will see them in a more positive light. Bullies hope that others will see their abuse of you as a reaction to something you must have done to them first. All the while, they are continuing to inflict more abuse onto you.

2. whatever you do, stay calm.

This is an absolute must because your bully is hoping and praying that you will lose your cool. But don’t!

Why? Because bullies will use your emotions as confirmation that you are either cuckoo or a bad person. And, believe you me, they’re masters at this!

Also, they will misconstrue your emotions (crying, etc.) as a sign of guilt. Instead, remain calm and the bully is more likely to be the one flipping out because they can’t shake you.

I have found that by remaining calm and cool, you will drive them completely insane with anger. Therefore, you force your bullies to expose themselves.

Remember the quote in Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War.”

“Let the enemy destroy themselves.”

Again, your calm demeanor will arouse not only the bully’s anger, but also their fear. Your bully will be flabbergasted as to why you’re so calm. This will throw them off balance.

Moreover, they’ll flip out and begin yelling, shouting, and cursing. Don’t let this behavior intimidate you because his is what you want them to do to expose and embarrass themselves.

Remember that bullies have big egos and an image to protect. Also, they have an intense need for control. And they will do everything they possibly can to preserve their egos and maintain not only control, but also the image they have long ago crafted for themselves.

Although staying calm can be difficult when bullies abuse you, it can also be most effective in getting your bullies riled and bringing their true natures out in the open. The calmer you are, the crazier your bullies will get until they unwittingly expose themselves through their own behavior.

3. How to Respond to DARVO: Call the behavior out by name.

This is why you must first know what DARVO is, as well as the names of all the behavior that goes with it. This way, you can call it out by name and won’t sound as though you’re rambling.

Rambling makes you sound crazy and less believable. But naming the behavior and stating your case in a clear and concise manner makes you look more credible and makes the bully look unhinged. This is what you want.

For example, if the bully is projecting and accusing you of the very behavior they directed at you, Call it by name. Tell the bully in front of an audience that they’re clearly projecting to try and make themselves look like the good guy and that you are onto them.

If they are trying to justify their behavior, again, call it out. Say to the bully, “Don’t try to justify your behavior because there is no justification for it. Be an adult (or if it’s a child, you can say, ‘be a big girl/boy’) and take responsibility for your actions.”

4. Document, document, document!

This cannot be stressed enough! You absolutely must document everything in detail. Keeping a bullying journal is of the utmost importance, not only if you have a bullying partner at home but also if people bully and harass you at work or school.

Keeping documentation helps you to keep a record of bullying in a more clear, concise, and organized manner. Moreover, it is admissible in court and during tribunal at work or school board meetings.

When you document, always use the 5W Method (What? Who? When? Where? and Why? Also, if possible, How?) This allows your story to make more sense. Also, it effectively calls out any perpetrators and produces possible witnesses.

In other words, write down what happened, who was involved, who was around to see what happened (the names of any bystanders and witnesses). Also, write down when it happened (the exact date and time of occurrence).

Additionally, include where it happened (did it happen in the school locker room? The workplace parking lot?) and if you know, why it happened (was it because you reported your bullies’ abuse of you?) Be as detailed as humanly possible when you document!

How to Respond to Darvo: do your own investigation!

This is how you gather your own evidence. How to respond to DARVO doesn’t include waiting for anyone else to do anything you can just as easily do for yourself.

Never rely on the school or your workplace to conduct their own investigation. This is where many victims get screwed because when entities do their own investigations (if they do them at all) it will only be to their advantage and your detriment.

The reality is that schools, workplaces, or any entities for that matter, usually side with bullies. Why? Because not only are bullies expert at covering their behinds, but also, they are usually stars in the who’s who at school or higher-up in the workplace or organization.

Therefore, always do your own investigation. Documenting is the most effective way to gather your own evidence.

Also, depending on the laws in your state or jurisdiction, you could secretly record the bullying you suffer. Again, make sure the laws in your state allow recordings.

In other words, If you live in a two-party consent state, you must also have the permission of anyone you record. However, if you live in a one-party consent state, you only need your own permission. Therefore, you are FREE to record!

Again, make sure you know the laws in your state before you do this. The last thing you want is for your bullies to have grounds to sue you for invasion of privacy. And you just know they would salivate over that opportunity. So, don’t give it to them.

5. practice self-care

In other words, be kind and compassionate to yourself. Make daily affirmations to yourself. Make I AM statements, “I AM a good person,” “I AM not wrong for standing up for myself,” “I AM lovable,” “I AM deserving of friends, family, and people who love me,” ” I AM worthy of God’s love because He loves me anyway, regardless of what I’ve done in the past,” etc.

And when you make these affirmations, believe them with all your heart.

Practicing self-care also means spending time with the people who love you and who want what’s best for you. Keep company only with those who lift you up and avoid people who bring you down. This is how you nurture your self-esteem and mental health.

Indulge in a good soak in the bathtub with bath bombs or treat yourself to a day at the spa.

Self-care is essential when dealing with this form of abuse.

this post was all about how to respond to darvo so that you can better protect yourself against this insidious form of abuse.

Related posts you will enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

3. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

acceptance and tolerance

Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

Do you want the ability to spot the difference between acceptance and tolerance? These sure-fire indicators will tell you whether your friend group accepts you or only tolerates you.

acceptance and tolerance

If you are a target of bullying and you’ve made a few friends, it can be hard to know whether they really like you or not. As a former victim myself, I’m going to show you the difference between acceptance and tolerance. Also, I’ll use my own past experiences to give you the warning signs you need to watch out for.

You are going to learn about all the good and bad signs you need to be aware of in order to decide whether or not it’s time to walk away and pick better friends.

After you learn about all these indicators, you will be able to spot bad signals when you see them in the future. Then, you,ll be able to walk away without guilt and be more choosy of the company you keep.

The best part is that you’ll be able to avoid the pain fake friends can cause before it’s too late.

This post is all about acceptance and tolerance and the detailed behavioral differences you’ll spot in people who accept and in those who only tolerate you.

Acceptance and tolerance

How do they differentiate?

When people speak of tolerance, you should immediately cringe. Few people find the word very attractive because let’s be real here. The word itself has a rotten smell. To put it bluntly, it sounds downright gross!

Sadly, many targets of bullying are so afraid of being alone that they settle for friends who aren’t friends at all. The people the target associates with may keep the target under the impression that he’s being accepted when, in fact, they may only be tolerating him. And you can tolerate someone without accepting them.

I know a few who assume that acceptance and tolerance mean the same but they don’t.

here’s an example of tolerance

You’re in polite company. The guy sitting next to you, (who happened to scarf three huge bean burritos for supper last night, then put away three eggs for breakfast this morning) covertly eases forth a silent but deadly fart.

You catch the first nauseating whiff. However, you can’t hold your nose nor leave the room without seeming rude to everyone else in the room.

Therefore, you only sit there, trying to keep a poker face, while nonchalantly holding your breath until you’re sure the smell has dissipated. That’s what tolerance is.

Tolerance means that people allow the target to be around but secretly wish he’d go the heck away. And it has a way of seeping through in how they think of the person, how they act around him, and how they behave toward him.

So, what’s the difference between acceptance and tolerance? how do you know you’re being accepted and not tolerated?

 

1. people will invite you to their social gatherings if they accept you.

On the other hand, if they only tolerate you, they’ll exclude you.
Moreover, you’ll often hear the rest of the group talking about the barbecue or sleepover they had over the weekend. You know, the one that none of them thought to invite you to?

If people tolerate a person, they only permit having them around when there’s no other choice. In other words, they allow the person to be around because there’s no way they can make them go away or say anything without looking like a heel.

When the tolerated person is present, the rest just grin and bear it.

Show these morons you have a modicum of self-respect and walk away. You don’t need them.

2. if they accept you, you will be included in all group conversations.

On the other hand, if you’re only tolerated, you will notice the other members of your so-called friend group communicating with every other member except you.

Therefore, you will feel left out. And, to be brutally honest here, this is how they want you to feel. Why? Because these people are praying to the Good Lord above that you’ll take a hint and just get lost already.

You’d much rather be alone than to be lonely. Alone is when you’re physically by yourself. Lonely is when you’re among people, yet you’re still alone because to them, you don’t exist.

You can be alone but not be lonely and it’s okay to be alone. Realize that if you ever feel lonely and you’re in a group, that’s the time to tell them to go kick rocks and be on your way.

Here are other things to consider:

By continuing to be around people who tolerate you, you only decrease your value as a person. That’s right. Anytime you must crawl behind people who don’t give a crap about you, you make yourself look like you have no other options.

People who see this lose all respect for you and think you’re weak and worse, desperate. Therefore, your value will drop like a meteor!

Moreover, you’ll risk being used and abused.

Any time you’re desperate to have friends, you’ll settle for any crumb of human connection. You’ll be willing to put up with shabby treatment just to keep from being alone.

Users and abusers will take notice of this and hang around only to get something from you. And those who are decent people and would otherwise be good friends will want nothing to do with you because desperation is so off-putting and only repels them.

Tolerance just plain sucks! For both parties!

It sucks for the others because they don’t want you around but don’t know how to get rid of you without looking like jerks. On the other hand, it sucks for you too because you’re in a place you’re not welcome and in a situation in which they will mistreat and even abuse you.

It sucks for everyone involved because the energy in the room is bad. Therefore, anytime a person is only tolerated, everyone feels it.

Tolerance includes resentment.

Put simpler, it’s gritting your teeth, sitting there with contempt on your face, and drumming your fingers until the unwanted person finally leaves. Tolerance makes you feel crappy because it’s begrudging and there’s suffering on the part of the others.

So, your best bet is to head for the nearest door. Do you really want to sacrifice your dignity by continuing to crawl behind people who refuse to see your worth?

3. the difference between acceptance and tolerance: if they accept you, they will stop and wait for you to join them if you lag behind.

Whereas, if your friends only tolerate you, they will never stop for you.

You will feel as if you’re constantly tagging behind and can’t seem to keep up.

Again, if you continue to chase after these chumps, you’ll only embarrass yourself and further erode your self-esteem. If you don’t have respect for yourself, no one else will either. No one respects anyone they deem pathetic.

You need to muster up some pride and stay away from people who make you feel bad about yourself! Begin rejecting them and have nothing more to do with them. Then watch your value rise again and see how much better you feel about yourself afterward.

The Difference between Acceptance and Tolerance is huge!

Acceptance is sitting quietly and letting the person just be. It’s embracing her good qualities regardless of your dislike of him. Acceptance brings an understanding of the person though the others may not agree with them.

But tolerance is hatred turned inward. We accept those we merely dislike. However, we only tolerate people we find disgusting and abhorrent.

With that said, understand that you don’t deserve to be around the people who only tolerate you. Better yet, they don’t deserve the privilege of even being in your presence.

4. if your friends accept you, they see your value and would never talk trash about you… to anyone… period! Also, they would not allow other members to talk bad about you.

 In contrast, tolerance is when other members of the group will voice their hatred of you anytime you aren’t around to hear it or defend yourself.

But you will hear about it later.

If they stab you in the back, it’s time to ditch them. You’d much rather be by yourself than to simp yourself out for people who do not deserve a minute of your time.

5. if they accept you, they will welcome you and make you feel comfortable and at-ease.

On the other hand, if they only tolerate you, you will feel that sickening “elephant in the room” feeling.

Feeling awkward around people is a sure sign that it’s time to bow out gracefully. Understand that this is only your gut trying to warn you about these people. Listen to it!

Realize that there will be people who aren’t worth your time and do not deserve a seat in your life.

Never settle for fake friends who only tolerate you. It’s much better, not to mention healthier, to be by yourself until you meet people who will not only accept you but celebrate you.

This post was all about the differences between acceptance and tolerance to help you to better discern when it’s time to cut ties with people who are only harmful to you.

Related post you will enjoy:

1. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

2. Sings of Gaslighting: 7 Signs You Must Know

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

signs of toxic people

Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

‘Want to know the signs of toxic people before you mistakenly interact with them and get burned? These are the sure-fire signs that every target of bullying should look for.

signs of toxic people

Dealing with toxic people can be a real buzz-kill for even those who aren’t necessarily objects of bullying and bullies are toxic people. So, know what signs to look for and you automatically avoid bullies. As one who has endured bullying in the past, I’m giving you the top signs of toxic people you must be on the lookout for.

You are going to learn about all the signs of toxic people, from backhanded comments, to dirty looks and more.

After learning about all this red flags, you are going to know what to watch out for and be better able to avoid associating with the wrong people.

This post is all about the signs of toxic people that you need to know.

signs of toxic people

1. They give off bad energy.

If you are around toxic people, you’ll feel it in your body if you pay attention. You’ll feel that alarm bells going off in your gut. Therefore, never mistake this as paranoia because you are not being paranoid.

At times in your life, certain people will give you this gut feeling and you won’t be able to explain the  feeling you get. The only way you will be able to describe it is that something is “off” about the people you’re around.

You will also get that sinking, creepy feeling in the pit of your stomach and literally feel the bad vibes just oozing off these people. However, you must understand that God gave us all this instinct.

Additionally, there are other names for this as well. Some call it your“sixth sense” or your “intuition.” Again, you aren’t being paranoid or uptight. And you’re not over-reacting. You are picking up on a person’s energy.

It’s only your inner alarm warning you and trying to keep you safe. In your head, that inner voice might admonish you and tell you, “Aw, C’mon! You don’t know that person. At least give them a chance. But your gut overrules your head ninety-nine percent of the time.

Don’t ignore it! It could save you a truckload of pain down the road.

if you ignore your gut feeling for too long, you will become blind to it!

If you ignore this feeling long enough, you will eventually become blind to the terrible vibes and energy bad people exude. ‘You see, the ability to pick up on vibrations and energy is like your muscles. It must be exercised to become stronger. In other words, if you don’t use it, you’ll lose it!

Your God-given gut instincts are the last things that you want to atrophy. In this crazy, mixed-up world, you cannot afford for these things to weaken.

Therefore, you must trust your gut. Especially if you are a target of bullying. Never allow others to convince you that you’re “being paranoid” or that “it’s all in your mind. Never listen when they tell you that you’re crazy for following your intuition.

If ever you pick up bad energy from the people around you, you must get away from those people, if possible. And don’t walk. Run!

So, trust your gut, it might even save your life!

2. They’re fake.

The signs of toxic people also include fakery, and fake people aren’t healthy people. Also, chances are good that they are toxic. Think about it. If they don’t like themselves enough to be for real, it’s a pretty good bet they won’t like many other  people either, including you.

Moreover, they’ll try to bring you down to build themselves up.

You’ll notice the fake right off if you look close enough and know what to look for. In the lunch line or the local restaurant, you’ll notice the guy who’s wearing the flashy, designer clothes and see him pull out a cheap, fifteen-dollar wallet to pay for his meal.

Then, you’ll know this guy is a poser.

Or you might see the girls in the school in-clique wear their high-fashion clothes and the name “GUCCI” on their handbags. But a closer look will reveal that the purses hanging off their shoulders are only cheap, knock-offs. Anyone with an eye for detail will notice it by the stitching patterns and thread counts.

When you see this, you’ll instantly know these girls are fake.

Moreover, these kinds of people try to look like they’re rolling in money in order to impress others. This screams insecurity and you should put some distance between yourself and these types.

Why? Because insecure people will try to make you feel bad to make themselves feel better. They’ll bully you for being yourself and try to act as if they’re better than you and most bullies are highly insecure people.

posers can also be fake in their actions.

Posers may or may not wear flashy clothes to impress. There are those who act fake. They may act tough but only turn out to be sniveling little cowards.

For instance, you’ll notice the big tough guy at school always beating up on girls and boys who are much smaller than he is. However, he’ll never go toe to toe with anyone of his equal.

He could be the skinny, buck-toothed, thick-eyeglasses-wearing HR nerd who uses his manager position and college degree to psychologically bully the employees under him.

Also, the posing bully could be a vindictive, domineering office woman who brags about her awesome family or quotes Bible scriptures.

Or, she could be the girl who acts shy and innocent but is really a lying, manipulative little vixen.

Avoid these kinds of people as well. Otherwise, they’ll only use you as a doormat to feel good about themselves or they’ll manipulate you to get what they want from you.

3. the signs of toxic people also include Gaslighting and invalidating others.

These types of people seem to find everything wrong with you and nothing wrong in themselves. Also, they never have anything positive to say.

Gaslighters and invalidators are the type of people that don’t mind dumping on you and making you feel like crap. However, when you call them out on their abuses and manipulation, they’ll invalidate your feelings and punish you for having them.

They will make statements, such as,

“You’re being too sensitive.”

“You’re making a mountain out of a molehill.”

Or

“You’re crazy.”

All the while, you know that you’re not.

What’s worse is this person will often put on a gleaming façade of perfection while throwing stones at you and anyone who “rubs them the wrong way.”

They hide their own shortcomings and project them onto you to use you as a distraction from their sins.

But know this. Only you alone know your inner reality. It’s impossible for anyone besides God to be privy to that kind of information.

If someone tells you how you feel, or how you should feel, they claim to know the unknowable. Their unspoken message is that you don’t have a right to feel the way you do.

No one has the right to do that to you. No one! Tell them to take a hike. And if you see them coming, don’t walk, run! These kinds of people aren’t the least healthy to be around!

4. Gossiping and Backstabbing.

If you have friends who talk smack about their other friends to you, then you can bet they’re running their mouths about you to the same friends when you’re not around to hear it.

Moreover, there are also nosy people who are never short of personal and intimate questions about your private life. And those in school or at work who never shut up and always seem to know your business before you do.

Understand that these people are toxic and are bullies too. Their consistent gossip, butting-in, and having a nose stuck in your life is a form of attempted control.

Bullies will often ask you very intimate questions to embarrass or humiliate you. Therefore, anybody who openly asks you such questions has no respect for your privacy.

Therefore,  never answer their questions and be very careful what you share. Information you should always keep to yourself are:

1. Whether or not you have a drug addict in your family

2. Any legal issues.

3. Divorce or child custody issues.

4. Any medical conditions

5. Your sex life, or lack of.

Do not divulge anything that is private!

Anytime people ask you questions about any of the above, don’t walk, RUN! These idiots are never to be trusted. In fact, they aren’t worth knowing. Deal with them accordingly and take out the trash.

5. They Love Drama.

These types are always whining, complaining, and always seem to be in a jam. They will blame you and others for their bad circumstances because it’s never their fault. Right?

Also, they are notorious gossips and you’ll often hear them bellyaching when they have to do any work.

Stay away from this person because they’ll dog your mood and be a drag to be around.

Moreover these drama-lovers live to sow discord and division among others. They work as double agents. In other words, they go back and forth between two quarreling people, telling each person what the other said about them just to get them riled up.

Then, when the two quarrelers finally come to blows, these people will then stand back and watch with glee as the two duke it out.

Give these chumps the old heave-ho. Fast!

This post was all about the signs of toxic people to help you easily spot them and avoid them for your own peace of mind.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Gaslighting: 7 Signs You Must Know

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground