4 Simple Steps to Deter Cyber-Bullies

cyberbullying

When you’re being cyber-bullied, it’s so tempting to come back at the trolls with the same vitriol they lash against you. When you’re being attacked online nonstop, the urge to do so can grow so strong that it almost physically hurts not to.

I totally get that because I’ve been there. It’s a natural human reaction to defend ourselves when we’re attacked. However, it’s no secret that when targets do push back against their bullies, the bullies will weaponize the target’s perfectly normal reaction. They will use it against the target to make them look like the instigator.

Understand that when bullies attack, their goal is to bait you into an emotional reaction so they can use it against you. In doing this, the cyber-bully’s goal is to mar your reputation, destroy your credibility, and therefore, paint you as the villain.

cyber bullying, girl and her friend look at computer screen

Don’t take the bait!

Understand that when we’re emotional, the logical brain completely shuts down and renders us unable to think clearly. Consequently, emotion can cause us to make mistakes. We’re likely to say (or type) something out of anger that the bullies can spin to fit their narrative.

This is why it’s so important that we keep our heads and find better ways to respond. Notice I said respond instead of “react.”

Just as you would never feed a bear, you should also never feed a troll.

And the best way not to feed a troll but to respond effectively and successfully is what I call the SBRE response.

SBRE- Screenshot, Block, Report, Expose.
Screenshot.

Always screenshot for evidence against the cyber-bully before blocking. You’ve heard the old saying that “A picture is worth a thousand words.”  Therefore, you need hard evidence to prove cyber-bullying. Screenshots are the hardest evidence you can gather.

Cyber-bullies aren’t stupid. They are more likely to attack you on forums like Messenger because it’s a private message platform. Unlike ten to fifteen years ago, most won’t attack you publicly on Facebook. Messenger is their platform of choice because of the privacy.

Moreover, if you can, let it percolate a little- give them time to post multiple attacks. Doing this will establish a pattern. Respond with innocent comebacks like, “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “You seem so angry.” Responding this way baits the bully to stay on the attack and give you time to gather evidence. Screenshot each attack and store each photo in a folder entitled, “Screenshots.

Also, you can give no response at all and watch as the troll becomes redundant in their attacks. As mentioned, the objective here is to establish a pattern of cyber-bullying by this individual and gather evidence of it.

Remember Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War.” The trick is to let the enemy destroy himself.”

Block.

Block the cyber-bully to protect yourself from future attacks. Once you block the person, be on the lookout for a sudden barrage of friend requests from people with fake screen names, blank profile pictures, and pictures of cartoons or animals. And never accept friend requests from these people.

Report.

After blocking, report the bullies, describing in detail how long they’ve harassed you and use the screenshots as evidence.

And now, the fun part!

Expose.

Expose the cyber-trolls by plastering the screenshots all over social media and the internet. Out them! Expose them for the creeps they really are, not only to humiliate them, but more importantly, to protect others from falling victim to their attacks in the future. Because you would never want what you’ve endured to happen to anyone else!

Cyber-bullies are the worst and most cowardly. However, if you play your cards right and use the SBRE response like I did a few years ago, you will be so surprised how quickly your cyber-bullies will disappear, and you will once again be free to surf the internet in peace.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The End of a Precious Life

bullying, empowerment, phoenix rising in the sky

I’m sad to have to inform everyone that my family and I lost our youngest grandchild this past Sunday. We not only mourn the loss of this beautiful child, but we also mourn for the parents. I look at these wonderful parents and try to put myself in their shoes and I just can’t.

Out of respect for their privacy, I won’t reveal their names, but they are hurting in ways that anyone who hasn’t experienced this kind of thing will never comprehend. I cannot even fathom the heartbreak and yes, the anger and and feelings of injustice they are enduring. My husband and I are sad and angry too as is my daughter-by-marriage and her family. This is going to be a very difficult Christmas for us all, especially the parents, and all anyone can feel is sad.

It hard enough to lose an adult loved one. However, when it’s a child, it’s especially hard because you always expect your children to bury you one day, not the other way around. It goes totally against the natural order of things.

The birth of a child brings so many hopes for the future but the death of a child dashes all those hopes. The parents will always wonder what that child could have grown up to be and accomplish, what he/she would look like at age 2, 5, 10, 16, and beyond. Their hearts will forever yearn for him/her.

My apologies for the delays in response to any comments. 2023 has been a difficult year, yes. However, the loss of a child is the worst tragedy that can ever befall any parent (or grandparent). As a grandparent, you don’t want to focus too much on your own grief but to be strong for the parents (your child, stepchild, or even grandchild). You want to say or do something- anything to make them feel better. However, you know that no words nor good deeds of yours could ever assuage their pain. So, you just vow to be there for them anyway you can.

My heart not only cries for the lost child, but also, the bereaved parents. That child is in heaven with The Lord now so he will never have to suffer. However, those left behind will have the hardest journey ahead. Therefore, I ask you to please pray for the parents. Also pray for the older brother and the entire family. Pray that God will comfort them and give them the strength to carry on.

Services will be tomorrow at noon.

Thank you all so very much.

4 Reasons Bullies Bring up Your Past

If you are a target of bullying, have you ever noticed that bullies always seem to bring up your past? A past mistake? A record of some kind, such as a police record of vandalism you might have committed when you were seventeen. Maybe you got drunk at a frat party and did a table dance while stripping down to your underwear. Whatever the faux pas might have been, people sure seem to love throwing it in your face.

However, I want you to realize that they do this for several reasons. And if you knew those reasons, you just might end up feeling so much better about yourself.

Therefore, here are 4 reasons bullies bring up your past:

1. Your bullies do it out of jealousy.

A jealous person feels threatened by your good qualities and accomplishments. Your bullies may resent an accomplishment. Also, they could envy a characteristic you’ve recently developed. Maybe you’re becoming more confident lately and they’re jealousy of your confident attitude. You’ve brought your grades up and begun making straight A’s. Or you’ve won that coveted promotion at work. It could be that you’ve gotten an outstanding paying job with one of the top paying companies in town. Nevertheless, they see that you’re evolving and it threatens their power.

Understand that anytime you accomplish something, no matter how small, you will attract a mountain of jealousy your way. However, the best thing to do is to let them go ahead and act out. Realize that they’re doing it out of raw emotion and chances are, they’ll make total fools of themselves.

In other words, when a bully acts out of jealousy, he is unwittingly admitting to you and the other people around him that he feels inferior to you. Remember the quote by Napoleon Bonaparte, “Never interfere with an enemy in the process of destroying himself.

2. Your past is just that – the past.

Realize that we all have pasts, some good and others not so pleasant. We’ve all made mistakes and will continue to make them. There is nothing you can do about the past. What’s done is done and it’s time to forgive yourself and move on. Even if you have others who constantly remind you of the “old you”, you must keep in mind that you’ve changed for the better and that person doesn’t exist anymore.

Moreover, here’s something else to keep in mind. Several celebrities had rough pasts before they became famous. Some came from incarceration, others were addicts or came from poverty. Therefore, never be ashamed of your past. It doesn’t define you, nor does it determine what your future will be.

3. The bullies are getting desperate.

They’re desperate to find something terrible you’ve done or were involved in to sully your reputation. Understand that if they can’t find dirt on you, their next objective is to bring up your past.

4. Your past is the stepping-stone that got you to where you are now.

Whatever you might have done or gotten involved in during your past, you had to go through that phase of your life to get where you are now. It was only a stop along the road that lead you to the place you’re at today. So, don’t be ashamed of it. Be proud of how far you’ve come since.

So, don’t let that shake you. Do not let these people tear you down! Consequently, there are so many people who either live in regret of their pasts, or they let others make them feel bad by reminding them of it. These people can’t seem to move forward because something which happened years ago is holding them back.

Therefore, don’t be one of these people! Know that your past doesn’t determine your future. See this dirty tactic for what it is and see your bullies for who and what they are. They are only jealous and desperate people with low self-esteem and insecurity issues. And the only way they can feel better about themselves is to pee on your victories and bring you down to their level. Pathetic, isn’t it?

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Heide’s Story of Hope and Inspiration

May be an image of 1 person, bangs and smiling
Here is the heartwarming story of a lady who not only survived bullying, but overcame it. She draws on her faith and singing talent to inspire others and give them hope.
This is my story—of oppression, of getting through, of moving on—my survival story.
Looking back on the events of my life, I realize that the hurt I’ve dealt with was due to extreme neglect as a child. Our parents’ loved their children to the best of their ability; however, my mother suffered from major depression, to the point where she was slowly giving up on life. And, in my father’s case, his own father had left him when he was young.
No one had taught my mother and father how to be good parents. As a child, I had very little to no supervision. My mother was very carefree with us. One memory I retain was when I was four years old. I was swimming in a lake, and a neighbor frantically called my mom to let her know I was out there. My mother’s response was to ask her to just send me home. To this day, my family and I laugh about it, but looking back, it was extremely neglectful on my mother’s part.
As I started school, kids were very mean. I was teased, spat on; I was not picked for teams in gym, and I often sat alone at lunch. Teachers would not say anything to stop it. I felt scared to go to school and terrified to ride the bus. I truly hated elementary and middle school. I hardly had any friends, and the ones I thought were my friends were often two-faced. We came from a poor upbringing and I believe that these were part of the reasons I was made fun of and rejected so much.
In seventh grade, I was at a friend’s house, in her basement, and a girl with rings on physically beat me up, holding me down and punching me repeatedly in the face. There was a boy watching and swinging a knife around, laughing. Then I had to walk two miles home in the dark, alone, after being beat up. When I got home, my mother was lying in bed, asleep, with no idea I hadn’t been home.
Looking back, I was severely neglected, and it wasn’t a nurturing, caring living environment. When my mother was not working, she was sleeping. Now and then she did things to take care of us, but most of the time, we ran the streets and fended for ourselves. Sadly, she passed away from breast cancer when I was thirteen.
Over the years of neglect, I developed many insecurities. I now realize the trauma I dealt with made it difficult to socialize with other children as well. My sisters and I came from a poor upbringing, and I truly believe that is one of the reasons as to why I was made fun of and rejected growing up. Many years later, I was diagnosed with ADD/OCD and anxiety. I had these brain-based challenges my entire life but did not realize it at the time.
OCD/ADD causes individuals to be impulsive, to have less patience around others, and to overthink everything. These tendencies can cause people to react to you in a way you may not deserve, but it’s unfortunately a result of struggling with mental health issues. These issues were key as to why I heavily grieved over losing my mother, why I chose relationships that kept me feeling “vulnerable,” and why I always felt so alone.
I even allowed my ex-husband to control everything in our marriage. I wanted to feel safe, but this led to various forms of abuse. In 2015, I became a single mother, and even though I was scared of failing and struggled financially, I had to learn how to do everything on my own. Though difficult, I became a strong woman and a mother, and I was finally happy.
These foundations of my identity, as well as my faith in Jesus, helped me feel secure and that true hope could be fulfilled. To this day, I still struggle with self-esteem issues, anxiety, and some seasonal depression; however, I choose to see other people’s needs instead of focusing on my own negative emotions. My goal is to use my past hurts to bring them hope. I have a motto for myself: “I’m the glass half full kinda girl.”
Year ago, when I shared my story, others would often say, “I don’t remember you being bullied, when/who bullied you?” Questions like these caused me to question the validity of the pain I felt and made me think I had no right to use the word “abuse/bullied” to describe my pain. However, as I dealt with all of the denial, anger, blame, sadness, and grief over the years, I realized I indeed had the right to feel everything I did, and no person could take that away from me.
That emotional strength and security has made me want to make a positive out of EVERY negative. Recently, I reached out to the girl that beat me up in the seventh grade and I reminded her of the events that happened. She did not even remember and explained how much hurt she was going through at the time. She apologized, I told her I forgave her, and now we are friends and talk from time to time. So you see, I chose to use my pain to inspire others and show them that there IS hope, no matter what you go through in life.
Sometime it is as simple as saying hello to random people on the street, calling others by their names, making sure to wear a smile often, and going out of my way to be a friend to ANYONE who needs one. This is especially important to me, since I lost my brother in 2018 to suicide.
I know I suffered a lot of loss and hardships in life, but I know that others have suffered quite a lot more. We all experience different things, and what’s important is not how others think we’ve lived, but instead how we ourselves experience life.
Thinking of everything I’ve been through I realize that even though I can’t control what happened to me I decided to turn it into hope for others.
I’m strong because it made me who I am today.
I am compassionate and empathetic towards others and I take every opportunity to be an inspiration for every person I can.
I love to sing more than anything. It brings me so much joy and I inspire others while I do.
I love to smile, laugh, encourage others and to help them feel worthy of everything life has to offer.
This life has taught me to forgive, move forward and love others
I TRULY believe if I can share—or sing, a passion of mine—my story and save a life or even inspire one person, then it makes it worth going through all of this pain and coming out the other side.

VIDEO: School Board Will Not Help Special Needs Child Bullied by Classmates and Their Parents

Guys, this is despicable! The target’s classmates have put a special needs middle school girl and a few other targets at the school on a hit list. What’s even worse is that the bullies’ adult parents and other family members are calling this child’s phone and leaving threatening messages on her phone late at night and in the wee hours of the morning. Still, the school board acts like it’s a big joke. My heart goes out to this young lady and her family. May God form a hedge of protection around them and keep them safe.  Watch below:

Hello Fellow Bloggers and Friends! I’ve Missed You!

I hope you all have been enjoying the Springtime. I’ve been taking a long hiatus from blogging due to exhaustion and recovering from health issues. However, I plan to begin posting again starting next week. I won’t post nearly as often as I did in the past, maybe once per month on average. Know that you all have been on my mind and I appreciate each and every one of you. And, as you can see, I’ve finally gone self-hosted and I couldn’t be happier about it!

Have a wonderful rest of this week! ‘See you next week!

Daily Prompt- 1838 – Death

I’ve always known that we each owe a death- that, eventually, death comes to us all. However, it never really hit home with me until 2005, when I lost both my father and maternal grandmother, both exactly ten weeks apart.

Up until that year, at the age of thirty-four, I was fortunate not to have lost anyone who was close to me. And I look back now and think that I might have taken things a little for granted before. The death of a loved one really puts things into perspective.

It has a way of changing our view. It reminds us to appreciate each day we’re giving and to show more love to the people we love. We must let our loved ones know how much we love and appreciate them each time we visit them or see them in the supermarket. For we never know when it could be the last time we ever get to talk to them.

Taking Life for Granted

When we’re young, we don’t take death as seriously as we should and don’t yet understand the finality of it. However,  as we age, and with each passing loved one, we look at this life a little differently.

The older we get, the closer we get to our own appointment with death. As such, we’re more grateful with each morning we rise. Speaking for myself personally, I have made a vow to stay away from drama and people who bring it. Life is too short to spend time with people who drain the oxygen out of the room.

Also, I make it a point to love hard the family I have left- my mother, aunts, the uncles I have left, and my siblings, husband and children.  I don’t know how many years I have left. The average lifespan for a woman is around 80 years old. Therefore, statistically speaking, I have about 28 years left if God allows. And I want to make the next 28 years, the best of my life.

But more importantly, I want to love and embrace my living family while they’re still here and to savor each day given me.

Hi-Ho! Hi-Ho! It’s Back to Work I Go!

Good morning, readers and fellow bloggers. On Jan 9, I started a new job. Which is the reason I haven’t posted many articles as of late, only quotes that had been per-scheduled in December.

So far, the job has been great and I enjoy it. I am getting out of the house and meeting new people, with the exception of the last few days due to the winter storm that hit my area, of course. Know that although I have been away and it takes longer for me to answer your comments, I’m still thinking of you and I will pop in from time to time to answer comments and replies.

God bless you. And pray for me as I embark on this new job.

Sincerely,

Cherie

Lowlife Homewreckers

Breaking up the families

And destroying the lives

Wrecking the happy homes

Along with the hearts of wives

Stealing the children’s fathers

Twerking in the dive bars

No morals and no self-respect

Picked up in different cars

So fast and loose

Thinking you’re all that

Acting silly as a goose

But you’re only an alleycat

While never thinking of the reality

If he cheats with you, he’ll cheat on you

See, I told you so, Runaround Sue!

Attention New Followers!!!

As of May 31, 2022, WordPress has taken away my ability to follow new blogs nor like new posts. And they’ve done it for reasons that are unjust.

However, I do have a plan B. I can put you in my blog roll and keep up with your posts this way. It’s the next best thing to following. Know that I do appreciate new follows and if I could, I’d follow you in a heartbeat! God bless you all!

Losing My Beloved Furbaby

This is so painful to type. My tears flow down my cheeks and land on my keyboard. Tonight, my beloved Pomeranian, Roxie, gained her angel wings. For 12 1/2 years, she was my constant furry companion and we were inseparable.

I keep ruminating on the day I got her- the first time I saw her sweet little face. It was love at first sight. It was a cold November evening in 2010 when I met her previous owner in the Wal-Mart parking lot after seeing a social media post entitled, “Full-blooded Palmeranian for sale.” Yes, they misspelled Pomeranian, but that detail is something I look at with love.

I contacted the owner and told her that I was interested in the little dog and she sent me a picture of her entitled, “This is Roxy.” The picture only sealed the deal. I changed the spelling of her name because I thought that dropping the y and adding the ie made the name more ladylike.

I met the girl that evening with the forty dollars she asked for. She then handed me the puppy and to see her sweet face for the first time in person, I loved her even more. The girl then handed me what was left of her puppy food and we parted ways.

I made a mad dash into Wal-mart to get a new leash, a large bag of puppy food, a bag of puppy snacks, a dog bowl, some puppy toys, and a dog bed. It was a cool November evening, so it was safe to leave her in my car. Twenty minutes later, I came back to the car, loaded the dog care items into the trunk, and drove her home.

As Roxie, grew, she became more and more beautiful- long hair, bushy tail, she was a beautiful little lady. I would take her on long walks. Also, I would take her outside and throw the ball for her to fetch. And she fetched it, then would come back, stop in front of me, and drop the ball on the ground.

She always slept pressed next to me on my bed. There wasn’t a night she didn’t sleep with me and I loved it when she’d follow me from room to room. I used to get down in the floor and play with her and make sure to give her lots of love and affection.

Roxie was my sidekick, my best friend. And though, in time, I may get another puppy, Roxie can never be replaced. No other pet will ever take her place in my heart. She was brilliantly smart and was an outgoing little dog and to see her and know her was to love her. She was very affectionate and would always jump on my lap and lick my face.

It’s going to be tough and I don’t how I’m going to get through this overwhelming sadness that fills my heart. Being without my baby is going to take a lot of getting used to. I do know that I will smile again eventually and I will remember her with a smile rather than tears and weeping.

Tonight, I held you one last time.

Rest easy my sweet Roxie. I will see you again in Heaven some day. 🐾🐾

November 8, 2010 – January 11, 2023

Survival Mode

Tippy toe, tippy toe, I must walk ever so carefully

While looking up to Heaven I plea prayerfully

Walking through this toxic place is like walking through a minefield

They see me as worse than Newman on an episode of Seinfeld

In glee the bullies watch as they smile with their eyes twinkling brightly

Their unsolicited advice is for me to tread lightly

Constantly watching and waiting for the other shoe to drop

No end in sight, not even a sign that the bullying will stop

Knowing in my gut that something’s about to pop off

If I didn’t have hope for my future, I’d bust some shots off

Angry and contemptful eyes narrowed into slits all around me

Watching, waiting, and anticipating the next juicy opportunity

Looking at me, watching me, with their breath just a-bating

Like ravenous vultures, they continue waiting and anticipating

My stomach turns, flips, and draws up in knots

As they gather ‘round to make their evil pot-shots

Holding my head high, I continue to walk this proverbial death march

Like a cornered cat in preparation for attack, I feel my back arch

“Walking the Mile, Walking the Mile, Walking the Green Mile”

I walk with a brave face through a cesspit nest of creatures so vile

Making a point to be careful not to disturb and stir the hornet’s nest

On high alert, I see nothing but red as I try my level best

Just to blend in, be safe by only being another face in the crowd

Look, look! There she is! Get her! Get her! They all yell aloud

Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, to escape this chilling cold

Forced, compelled, with no other choice but to live in survival mode

Pretty Privilege

Enjoy it while you have it

Because time in a thief

Youth is fleeting

And beauty fades

You’re no better than her

Only prettier

But what she lacks in looks

She makes up for in brains

Beauty’s only skin deep

Ugly is to the bone

Beauty’s only temporary

Stupid is permanent

Smarts is something you can stand on

Beauty, you can only fall back on

Enjoy it while you have it

Because time is a thief