‘Want to take a people pleaser test to know the difference between kindness and people-pleasing behavior?

Kindness is always good. If people target you for bullying and you maintain your kindness, this is even better and shows your strength of character. However, two many people confuse kindness with people-pleasing behavior. This people pleasing test will help you to know the difference.

In this post, you will learn how to distinguish between kindness and people-pleasing acts.

Once you learn the difference between the two, you will be able to extend your kindness only to those who are worthy of it, those who reciprocate the same to you. Moreover, it will help you to better protect yourself from people who take your kindness for weakness.

This post is all about taking the people pleaser test to determine if people are likely to respect your kindness or expect it.

Introducing, The People PLeaser Test

Many people, especially targets of bullying, will have an overwhelming urge to people-please. This is not to say that they’re bad people for doing it. However, it is unhealthy because what these targets are doing is not only counterproductive, it’s self-destructive.

4 Signs YOu’re A People-Pleaser

1. You Extend Kindness and Do for Others Out of fear of being harmed and for self-preservation.

The fear of being harmed is the most common motivator here. Moreover, it’s natural for people to do things against their own wishes and at the behest of an entity more powerful to save themselves from harm. It’s a survival mechanism.

The sad thing is that, though the behavior may protect them for the time being, it will not keep bullies from hurting them later on, down the road. So, does people-pleasing behavior actually work? No.

Consequently, what it does is bring about more bullying. It also entices bystanders who witness it to begin using and abusing you also. Why? Because, if the bullies are doing it and getting the benefits from it, then why shouldn’t they do it too and get those same benefits?

This is what most bystanders will think.

Therefore, you should say no when you don’t want to do something and reserve your kindness to those who return it. Those are the people who deserve it.

“Oh, but they’ll hurt me!” or “They’ll bully me even worse!”

They’re going to do that anyway, if they don’t already. So, why waste your time trying to appease those you can never appease?

2. People Pleaser Test: You do Your Good Deeds Out of A desire for approval and to be liked.

First off, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be liked. It’s a natural, hardwired human need that we all have. However, the problem comes when that’s all you focus on.

Targets of bullying want to be likeable because they think it will protect them and keep them safe. Again, nothing wrong with it. As I stated earlier, it only does the opposite.

Another sad thing is that victims think that the only way to likeability is to be agreeable with everyone. The problem is that you can never be agreeable one hundred percent of the time. It’s just not humanly possible.

Moreover, being too agreeable can have the opposite results of what you’re aiming for. Being too agreeable can cause you to lose respect and for others to see you as a pushover! Yikes!

There are times when it just isn’t smart to be “likeable.” Sometimes you must, in a sense, kick a little bit of booty.

So, how do you train your brain to avoid this behavior?

You start by asking yourself these questions:

1. Do you do it to get approval and be liked?

2. Is your people-pleasing a way to get others to validate you?

3. Do you people-please because you feel you need to prove your worth to people?

4. Do you do it because you want to be accepted or included?

5. Are you attracting users and abusers by this behavior?

6. Are you doing it out of fear?

This is how you’ll get your answer.

There’s nothing wrong with being good to people and helping them out. However, you can do it for the wrong reasons. As a result, you can find yourself getting the opposite of what you want out of it.

For instance, you may attract those who only use and abuse you. Understand that bullies and other such unsavory people will sniff you out. And they’ll use you for their own ends. Therefore, this is why people-pleasing is never good.

3. You Extend Kindness to Prove Your Worth.

Understand this, you don’t have to prove your worth to anyone. Worth doesn’t have to be proven. If it’s there, it’s there. People may or may not see it, but it’s still there. It’s up to you to feel worthy.

Your worth is like the wind. You can’t see the wind with your eyes when it blows, but it’s there because you can feel it. Therefore, you see the wind by feeling it.

It’s the same with your worth. See your worth by feeling worthy. Only you can determine what your worth is. Others may think that they can decide it but they can’t. Self-worth always comes from within, never from without.

Therefore, stop trying to prove yourself. Stop bending yourself into a pretzel to seek approval. Decide right now that you don’t need approval from others, especially those who use and abuse you. Their approval, you absolutely DO NOT need. Screw ’em!

4. You Feel Like No One Appreciates you.

If ever you feel like no one appreciates the efforts you go to to make them comfortable, this is how you’ll know to begin making changes. Therefore, ask yourself these questions:

1. Do these people treat me with respect?

If they disrespect you, it’s time to cut these people out of your life for good!

2. Are these people only nice to me when they want something?

This is a huge red flag here. Anytime someone is only nice when they need something from you, it’s a sign that you should get rid of this person.

3. Do they return the favor sometimes?

Give and take, 50-50, is not required. Also, it’s an impossibility. In the best of relationships and friendships, there will be times when you will give more and the other party will give less. On the other hand, the time will come when they give more and you’ll give less.

Therefore, this is not to say that you should constantly keep score. Keeping score is just as bad. However, if they use and abuse you, you might want to reconsider even having those types of people around. Period.

Undue Value and Worth

Basic human value is one thing. Every human being on earth in entitled to basic human value. However, anything above that, they must earn. Worth is not something you should ever give away freely.

Never give your bullies or anyone who abuses or uses you anything they haven’t earned from you. And that includes your respect, your time, your friendship, and your consideration.

In short, never give anyone anything that isn’t reciprocated. For instance, if you’re polite to someone and they take that for weakness and treat you like dirt, then you should drop this person like a bad habit!

You don’t have to treat them like crap, but you don’t have to have anymore to do with them either. Again, you shouldn’t care about trying to please people who judge you and who hate you, because it’s a waste of time.

No. It won’t be easy to rewire your brain and break this bad habit. Learned behavior is not only difficult to change, but it takes time, sometimes years. However, it can be done.

People Pleaser Test: It’s Not ABout The Acts of Kindness, It’s the Motivation Behind Them.

This test doesn’t require you to examine your good deeds. However, it does suggest examining your motives for doing so. This is how you find out whether you do your good out of kindness or an impulse to please people.

So, stop trying to seek approval from these people. Cease trying to be friends with them. Stop wasting so much for your precious energy on people who aren’t worth your consideration.

Remember, they hate you. And to bend over backwards trying to prove yourself to them and get their approval is a waste of your time and energy. They’re just aren’t worth it.

How you put a stop to this is to simply stop overextending yourself, especially for those who don’t appreciate you and don’t care. It’s that simple.

You prioritize your needs and begin meeting your needs first. Others can wait. That is, unless they’re your sick, elder mother or your six-month-old baby who needs you. But, you get the point.

The people who use and abuse you do not deserve one nano second of your time and aren’t even worth your consideration.

You’re worth more than they know and you deserve better.

This post was all about the people pleaser test to help you make your needs a priority and to cut off those who use your good deeds to use you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

4. Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons

5. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

How do bullies pick their victims? That is the question on every target’s mind. If people constantly bully you and you want the answers as to why they chose you to harass, look no further.

Being a victim of bullying can make life much more difficult than it should be. If you’re anything like I was, you’re probably wondering why it is you that bullies are coming for and what you can do about it.

You will learn about all the criteria bullies look for in potential victims.

After learning about this criteria, your answer to the question, “How do bullies pick their victims,” will be answered and you can begin the inner work to become more bully-proof. Also, you will be able to spot other potential victims and stand up for them if you must.

This post will give you all the answers to that nagging question that plagues your mind, “How do bullies pick their victims.”

How do bullies pick their victims?

Before we get into the answers, let’s ask this question.

Have you noticed that bullies always seen to pick the same types of people to target with their bullying?

Bullies pick good people, smart people, people who are creative and seem to be going places. They also pick those who are shy and quiet – introverts.

Moreover, and, perhaps, the saddest of all, they also pick people with medical conditions, the disabled, those with special needs, and those who have some kind of perceived physical defect.

Therefore, in a nutshell, they will either pick those who are much weaker and lower on the social hierarchy or those who pose a threat to their social status or power.

But!

Exactly what criteria do bullies watch closely for in potential victims? In other words and in broader terms, how do bullies pick their victims?

There are several answers. Here’s how:

1. Bullies like to make targets out of people who take responsibility for their lives.

Most targets tend to be good people who follow rules and laws. They understand that rules and laws are in place for a reason- to ensure a safe community and society.

Most targets do not go around blaming others for their actions and behavior. More often than not, targets blame themselves and try to correct their mistakes when they make them.

Therefore, bullies see this and they see these people as easy to manipulate and make feel guilty for their (the bullies’) rotten behavior.

Because these people tend to blame themselves, bullies will blame these people even though it’s the bullies who have the issues. Over time, bullies can condition targets to accept blame for things they have no control over, such as another person’s behavior.

2. “How do bullies pick their victims?”

They pick people who are goal oriented.

This is especially so with workplace and corporate bullies.

Many targets of bullying work hard, are goal-oriented and have a truckload of self-discipline. They know that if you want anything in life, you have to work for it.

Therefore, these victims work like the devil to reach their goals and dreams. Also, they have the utmost perseverance and endurance, which are characteristics that most bullies lack.

This is why many targets mistakenly stay in toxic work environments until they end up with a psychological injury from all the bullying they endure. Bullies select these people to bully because their good traits only reflect back to the bullies their own laziness, inadequacy, and lack of purpose.

Moreover, bullies see these people as threats. Why? Because bullies lack self-discipline, and their relationships are usually superficial, one-sided, and short lived. Therefore, they will pull out all the stops to contain those threats.

Bullies will exploit these people’s perseverance by establishing one-sided friendships, partnerships, and romances with them. Next, they use the push and pull method- going hot and cold, making empty promises and love bombing the person.

The reason they do this to make the victim hold onto the hope that just maybe the bully will give them what they’ve been wanting- acceptance, approval, attention, and praise.

However, the truth is that no matter how much the person tries to better the association, bullies will never be satisfied. They will always find fault with him/her. Understand that one person can never sustain a relationship, friendship, or partnership. It takes effort from both sides!

3. “How do bullies pick their victims?”

Most potential victims of bullying are empaths.

Most targets of bullying are exceptionally empathetic people who like to help humanity. They strive for self-betterment, to empower others, and make a positive difference in the world.

This is a threat to bullies because, again, these are threats to bullies and only reflect back at them their self-centered, attention grabbing, and flawed personalities. In short, empaths force bullies to see themselves for who they truly are.

Therefore, bullies will go all out to make them pay for it.

Also, bullies are masters at gaining sympathy from others. Therefore, they target people with empathy because they assume that they are the perfect to elicit sympathy from.

How bullies extract sympathy from empaths is by pretending to be the real victims.

Moreover, the minds of the bullies, the target is supposed to feel terrible for them because they’ve had such a tough life. And because they (the bullies) have had it so rough, it’s why they behave like they do.

Therefore, the target is made to feel that he/she should just accept the abuse.

Understand that this is a load of bologna. There’s no excuse for being a total heel to people and treating them like garbage.

Also, empaths have difficulty setting boundaries and bullies take full advantage of it. They usually retaliate viciously when the empath finally gets tired of their crap and puts their foot down.

4. Most targets of bullying are people who make plans and think ahead.

Because these people plan carefully and think ahead, they have goals and dreams that come to fruition and relationships that are solid and long lasting. Bullies are highly jealous of this and they desperately seek these people just to tear them down.

5. Bullies select people who are givers and not takers.

They love to target people who are people-pleasers and reluctant to ask for help and they select them because they see these people as easy to use and degrade. Because these people have a hard time establishing their boundaries, bullies will violate them at will and to achieve their own sick ends. Understand that bullies are takers and never givers!

 6. “How do bullies pick their victims?”

they pick People who are smart.

Intelligence is a huge threat to bullies. Why? Because a smart person will more than likely see through the bullies’ fake facades and call them out publicly on it.

Also, just their intelligence alone can serve as a mirror and force the bullies to see their own lack of smarts and make them feel inferior. And they will seek to punish the target for that.

Moreover, bullies want to get them before they get the bullies.

targets who appear weaker, slower, and less intelligent

These victims don’t pose as threats to bullies. But because they are seen as having weaknesses and are usually on the lower end of the social hierarchy, bullies seen them as easy targets. Therefore, they will relentlessly harass them too.

This is mostly the case with school bullies, although the popular bullies may pick the students who are confident and are high academic stars.

1. These bullies select people with low self-esteem.

Bullies know these individuals are easy pickings. Why? Because anyone with low self-esteem will be least likely to fight back.

Low self-esteem is easy to spot and bullies are experts at reading people. Bullies will notice the body language of the potential victim.

And sadly, many people who are susceptible to becoming victims give off that “bullied” vibe, or the “victim” vibe. Moreover, they do it through their body language and other nonverbal expressions.

Poor posture, downcast eyes, frown or expressionless face, poor communication, and being too quiet are all signs of low self-esteem.

Bullies see this a mile away and they take full advantage.

 2. Bullies usually pick people whose communication skills need improvement.

If a person’s communication skills are lacking, they will most likely suffer in silence when people violate their boundaries. Bullies rely on the target’s silence so that they can continue to bully the target and cover up their appalling behavior.

3. “how do bullies pick their victims?”

they pick those who are disabled and people with special needs.

Why? Because, sadly, these particular targets are the most vulnerable and least valued in society. Let’s just be truthful here.

In fact, they are virtually defenseless.

The heartbreaking truth is that nine times out of ten, the rest of of society doesn’t see them as human beings. Bullies aren’t stupid. They instinctively know this.

Therefore, should it be any wonder bullies prey on sped students and disabled adults the most?

Bullies are great big cowards and all too often, the disabled and those with special needs are unwilling or unable to defend themselves properly. Because students in special education are usually low on social intelligence, they’re easy to get a reaction from and bullies can exploit this at will.

4. bullies pick those with medical issues.

Of course. People with diseases, such as diabetes and cancer are least able to defend themselves. Bullies love people who can’t defend themselves because they feel the least threatened by them.

Also, they can bully them at will and for as long as they wish. Remember that bullies are entitled little cowards.

this post answered the question, “How do bullies pick their targets.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

2. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

3. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

4. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

5. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference