Category: bullying

bullying intimidation tactics examples

Bullying Intimidation Tactics: 15 Bully-Moves You Must be Aware of.

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Bullying intimidation tactics are meant to instill fear in victims. So, what are all the moves bullies use to scare you? Here’s a list of them and what they look like.

bullying intimidation tactics

In this post, you will learn all the bullying intimidation tactics so that you can spot them when they happen.

Once you learn all these techniques and what they’re designed to do, you will be able to not only point them out when you see them, but also protect yourself from them.

This post is all about bullying and intimidation tactics, so you can better defend yourself by understanding them.

Bullying Intimidation Tactics

There are many methods bullies use to strike fear in the hearts of their victims. If you’re being bullied, it’s important to know the types of tricks bullies use to scare you.

Why? Because knowledge is the first step to defending yourself against these nasty tactics. So, what techniques do bullies use to scare you? Here they are below.

1. Physical threats

Some bullies use threats of physical violence to scare you into doing what they want. They may make open statements such as:

  • “I’ll kick your ass.”
  • “I’ll punch your face in.”

Many bullies may be a little sneakier about it. They may not be so direct. In fact, they may say, “If you don’t do xyz, you know what’s going to happen.”

However, you must understand what’s behind physical threats. Bullies do this because they think they might be losing control of you. They have no other powers of persuasion. Therefore, physical threats are all they have left.

If you’ll notice, bullies will often threaten to beat you up when they tell you to do something, and you refuse. Maybe they tell you to let them cheat off you in class, and you say “no.”

Bullies hate to be told “no.” Therefore, they’ll often resort to warnings like this to get you to comply.

The best thing to do here is to call their bluff. And be ready to fight if you need to.

Bullying Intimidation Tactics:

2. Invading Your Personal Space.

For instance, a bully verbally insults you, and you deliver a stinging comeback. Next, the bully approaches you and gets in your face.

Understand that this is another form of physical intimidation. Why? Because, through his body language, he’s telling you that he’s going to attack you.

No one has the right to invade your personal space. Therefore, don’t let them get away with that. Anytime someone gets in your face, the best thing to do is to punch their lights out.

3. threatening looks and gestures

For instance, you’re being bullied at work and report it to your supervisor. Later, during lunch break, you notice your bully giving you a death glare from across the room.

The way to stand up to this tactic is to show the bully that they don’t scare you. And you do this by returning the glare. In other words, if the bully gives you a threatening look, give them one of your own.

By doing this, you show them that you won’t be intimidated by them. To read more on threatening body language, go here.

4. Disdainful Scoffs and Grunts

Other intimidation tactics bullies may use include scoffing or grunting when you’re near. There are a couple of ways you can respond to this.

One way is to look them up and down, then lightly scoff and walk away. Another way is to look at them like they’ve lost their minds.

A third way is to ask them what their problem is. But the last thing you want to do is ignore it. Why? Because if you ignore it, the bullies will only see it as fear. Therefore, respond. But do it calmly.

Bullying Intimidation Tactics:

5. Shoving and tripping you.

This may be considered borderline abuse. However, it is still physical bullying. Therefore, knock the person’s block off.

No one has the right to touch you. That includes shoving and tripping. So, make them regret it.

6. Assault and battery.

Again, no one has the right to raise a hand to you. Therefore, if they hit you, hit them back. It’s that simple.

There’s nothing wrong with defending yourself when someone is trying to beat you up. So do what you must to make sure they never want to touch you again.

Bullying Intimidation Tactics:

7. negative comments.

Name-calling and verbal insults are often used to humiliate you. However, they’re also used to frighten you. Therefore, don’t ignore it.

Instead, deliver a good burn to put the bully in their place. But do it calmly.

8. Interrupting and talking over you.

Bullies may talk over you to silence you. However, don’t let them. How you handle this is to say in a firm tone, “Excuse me. I’m speaking.”

Or, even better, you can directly call out their behavior by saying, “Don’t talk over me.” Then finish what you have to say.

When you use the last response, you point out the behavior and let everyone know that you won’t be silenced so easily.

Bullying Intimidation Tactics:

9. Shaming and belittling.

No one wants to be shamed and belittled. Therefore, bullies use this tactic to scare you into silence. For instance, everyone bullies you and, after years of suffering in silence, you finally speak out.

Suddenly, everyone is angry. So, they trivialize your suffering and make fun of you for talking about it. Here’s what they may tell you.

  • “You’re such a crybaby.”
  • Aww, you wimp!”
  • “Bless your sweet little heart.”
  • “You poor baby.”

They ridicule you, hoping you’ll shut up and never speak of it again. Therefore, you must know where it comes from. Your bullies are scared of being exposed. And they’re even more afraid of facing consequences.

Keep speaking out. Show them that they can no longer scare you.

10. Threats to your reputation.

Here’s a scenario that many females may be familiar with.

You’re on a first date, and the guy you’re with is a real creep. He tries to talk you into having sex. Naturally, you tell him that you’d rather wait a while. However, he doesn’t stop hounding you.

He pours on the sweet-talk. “Oh, baby. I just want to get to know you better.” Or, he may say, “I love you. I just want to show it.”

However, you’re not ready. You’ve tried to be polite about it, but he just doesn’t know when to quit. So, you finally say, in a firm voice, “I said no, and that means no!”

But then, he shows his true colors. Instead of respecting you for setting a boundary, he gets mean and nasty.

He says, “If you don’t, I’ll tell everyone you did.”

The best thing to do here is not to respond to these kinds of threats. You already said no. Now, walk away and have nothing more to do with the person.

Bullying Intimidation Tactics:

11. Gossip, rumors, and lies.

Bullies don’t only use this tactic to trash your reputation; they also do it to make you afraid for your reputation. Therefore, don’t let this scare you.

Here’s what I’ve learned from experience. Your real friends won’t believe the bullshit. And those who do were never friends to begin with.

Therefore, use this as a test to see who you should keep and who you should cut ties with.

12. Defamation.

This is a close sibling to number eleven, and bullies defame you for the same reasons. Therefore, your response should be the same.

Use it to see who’s worth a damn and who isn’t.

Bullying Intimidation Tactics:

13. Destroying your relationships and friendships.

Bullies will even go so far as to try to destroy your existing relationships and friendships. And they do this by spreading lies about you. They may tell your friends and loved ones that you are saying bad things about them behind their backs.

However, again, this is a time of testing. Realize that real friends will come and ask you about it first. They won’t just assume that you’re guilty.

So, watch and see who falls for the lies. That will tell you exactly who to ditch and who to keep.

14. Projection.

Projection is a tactic bullies use when they accuse you of the same crap they’re doing. For instance, a female bully who sleeps around may call you a slut. High school bullies do this all the time.

Therefore, if you know they’re projecting their behavior onto you, call it out. You can say, “Wow! Projecting much?”

This calls the bully out in as few words as possible. Also, the trick is to say it calmly. Then, once you’re finished, walk away.

Bullying Intimidation Tactics:

15. Threatening your job.

Bully coworkers and bosses may threaten your job to get you to comply with their demands. Now, this is a hard one here. How you respond depends on your financial situation.

If you’re living paycheck to paycheck and jobs are scarce, you can respond by quietly documenting the abuse. However, if you are financially able to quit, you can respond with, “Go ahead and fire me if you want.”

Or you can say, “I was looking for a job when I found this one.”  Then walk away. If you use the second response, make damn sure you’re ready to hit the clock and walk.

In Conclusion:

Remember that bullying feeds on fear. When you know all the fear tactics bullies use, you are better able to stand up to them calmly and without apology. Moreover, you have a greater chance of overcoming bullying and regaining control of your life.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Threatening Body Language: 21 Hostile Cues to Never Ignore

2. Personal Space Boundaries: What to Do When Bullies Cross Them

3. Invasion of Personal Space: 3 Ways to Respond to It

4. Bullying Tactics: 9 Subtle Moves Bullies Use to Avoid Detection

5. Fear of Setting Boundaries: 5 Reasons You Don’t Stand Up to Bullies

responding in kind meaning

Responding in Kind: 7 Reasons to Do So with Bullies

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‘Want to know why responding in kind is important for your mental health? Here are all the reasons you need to know that it’s okay to respond in kind when someone crosses the line with you.

responding in kind

Responding in kind helps keep you safe from bullying by inspiring respect. Therefore, in this post, you will learn why responding in kind is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Once you learn all about this life-changing fact, you will be compelled to treat yourself with respect by not allowing others to mistreat you.

This post is all about responding in kind and why it’s important, so that you can live a drama-free life.

Responding in Kind

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with responding in kind when someone tries to mistreat you. It shows that you command the dignity and respect that’s due to the next person.

Moreover, it shows that you won’t tolerate crap from bullies. It also sends the message that you have the guts to stand your ground when some creep violates your boundaries.

As a society, we’ve been conditioned by politicians, the media, educators, and certain members of our families. They’ve trained us that responding in kind only makes us as bad as our bullies and abusers.

And, sadly, we’re still being conditioned to believe that bull. We’re being told to “ignore” people’s atrocious behavior, and in some cases, even submit to it.

Power and force are the only things bullies and abusers understand.

However, I want you to understand that the only thing bullies understand is strength and power. People-pleasing does not work. And anyone who gives off even a hint of weakness is fair game.

Therefore, if you don’t respond in kind to bad behavior, bullies will take full advantage. Why? Because they will get the message that there are no consequences for their abuse.

And they will think they can walk all over you anytime they want. Then, there will be no stopping them from escalating the bullying, and no limit to how far they go.

Responding in Kind:

Bullies Pay Attention to consequences.

You must set boundaries. And you set boundaries by imposing consequences on anyone who violates them.

But how do you impose consequences? By responding in kind to bullies when they cross the line.

Notice I say “respond,” not “react.” By responding the right way, you show that you’re not afraid to stand your ground. Also, you signal that you command the same dignity and respect given to the next person.

Society subtly programs us to take abuse.

There’s no law that says that you must accept abuse from anyone. Yet we’re being subtly told to accept it.

And we should take it with a smile, and a yes, sir/ma’am, then ask for seconds. In today’s world, society tries to dictate that we should agree to abuse.

Um- no! That’s not how life works! And it isn’t how human nature works. Every action is followed by a response!

Bullies must realize that there are consequences if they harm another person. And we must understand that the threat of consequences keeps the bad guys away.

Without accountability, there would be anarchy! Bullies would have free rein over us all.

So, never be afraid to respond in kind. Moreover, never feel guilty for it. It’s normal, expected, and it’s how you defend yourself against predators. It’s also how you treat yourself well.

Here are all the reasons to respond in kind to bad people.

Responding in Kind:

1. You protect yourself from abuse.

Your protection is your responsibility. No one is coming to save you. Therefore, it is up to you to protect yourself from human predators. You can defend yourself from different kinds of abuse. Here are a couple of examples.

Exclusion.

Media and other talking heads preach against exclusion. However, people have been excluding others since the dawn of time. It’s a cruel part of human nature.

Moreover, most people try to force others to include them anytime they are excluded. This is the wrong thing to do. It’s counterproductive. Because the more you insert yourself, the more the group will push you out.

But really think about this for a minute. Do you really want anything to do with those who don’t want to be around you?

Instead of trying to force them to accept you, look at it another way.  Those who exclude you are the trash that takes itself out.

Therefore, the best way to defend yourself from exclusion is to exclude them from your life as well. Two can play that game.

They don’t want to be around you? Then the feeling is mutual; you don’t want to be around them either. This is how you respond in kind.

Physical bullying.

You should never take physical abuse. No one has the right to put their hands on you. Therefore, it’s simple: they hit you first, and you hit them back.

Remember, bullies only respond to consequences. So, give them severe ones. Make them never want to make the mistake of hitting you again.

By doing these things, you protect yourself from abuse. Why? Because not only will the bullies leave you alone, but those who are around to see it will too.

Responding in Kind:

2. You preserve your self-esteem.

Nothing feels worse than having everyone walk over you and not having the guts to do anything about it. In fact, you feel weak and defeated. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

When you finally stand up to abuse, you will be amazed at how it boosts your self-esteem. The bullies may or may not change their behavior.

But you’ll feel better just knowing that you stopped taking their crap. Your confidence will soar! And people will think twice before messing with you again.

3. You encourage others to respect you and themselves.

When you stand up to bullies the right way, you earn respect. Moreover, not only will the bullies respect you, but the people watching will too.

But the best part is that you will learn to respect yourself. Why? Because once you stand up for yourself, you’re more likely to do it again until it becomes a habit.

And lastly, other victims just might follow your lead. They will begin defending themselves from bullies. Why? Because “if they can do it, I can too.”

Responding in Kind:

4. You keep drama out of your life.

There’s a reason that bullies only pick on certain people and not others. It’s because the others won’t take their crap, and they know it.

Therefore, when you respond in kind, especially in the early stages of bullying, you become harder to mess with. Bullies like easy targets. Don’t be one of them.

Bullies are all about drama. In fact, they thrive on it. Therefore, if you can keep them away, you avoid the drama that comes with them.

Then, you can live in peace.

5. You keep your dignity.

There’s no dignity in being a punching bag. In fact, if you let bullies bully you, everyone else will think they can do it too. It’s called the swarm effect.

When one bully messes with you, others will want to join in if you don’t put a stop to it. One bully will bully you, then two. The next thing you know, you’ll have four bullies on your tail. Then, eight, and so on.

And before you know it, everyone will want to get a piece of your ass. Bullying spreads like a virus. You would be surprised at how contagious it is.

Dignity comes with respect. Therefore, if no one respects you, there’s no dignity. So, stand up for yourself. Don’t take their shit. Whether or not you have dignity depends on how you teach people to treat you.

Responding in Kind:

6. You maintain control of your life.

When you’re being bullied, you don’t have control of your life; they do. Bullies get to control how you feel about yourself. Also, they can even control your physical well-being.

Don’t give them that kind of power over you. Instead, stand up to them. Let them know you won’t let them just walk all over you.

Know that you are not a dumping ground for others’ anger and other mental issues. Therefore, take back control of your life. Stand up to bullying. And have nothing to do with anyone who doesn’t have your best interests at heart.

7. You experience freedom.

When you don’t have to deal with bullies, you experience total freedom. You are free to be yourself. You’re free to live in peace. And you’re free from bullying and abuse.

Remember that bullying is all about control. And they can only control your life if you let them. Therefore, do what you must do to protect yourself from those leeches.

When you respond in kind, you take back your freedom. They may bully you worse for a time, but eventually, they’ll get tired if you keep standing up to them.

And once they do, you’ll have freedom to be yourself and live in peace.

In Conclusion

Responding in kind is a way to set and enforce your boundaries. It imposes consequences on creeps who step over the line. At the same time, it protects your self-esteem and keeps you safe from people who wish to abuse you.

You maintain control over your life because you teach people to respect your right to safety. In that, you keep your dignity, repel drama, and experience the freedom to live in peace and be happy. And you can do it without guilt or apology.

This post is all about responding in kind so that you can overcome bullying, take control of your life, and live in peace.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For

2. Types of People to Avoid to Protect Yourself from Bullying

3. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

4. Disadvantages of Being a People Pleaser: 7 Consequences of Putting Yourself Last

5. Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

6. Benefits of Setting Boundaries

how to know your worth in a relationship

How to Know Your Worth: 9 Tips to Build Your Self-Esteem

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Do you know what it means to learn how to know your worth? Here are some tips to help you wake up to your value.

how to know your worth

When you know your worth, you’re least likely to settle for anything less than what you want and what you know you deserve.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to know your worth. Moreover, you’ll learn to stand up for your beliefs and convictions to increase your value and live the life you deserve.

Once you know this life-changing information, you will successfully increase your value. Moreover, you’ll be more capable of creating the good life you deserve because you won’t settle for crap.

This post will teach you how to know your worth so you can live up to your true value.

How to Know Your Worth

Knowing your worth is the most important thing you can ever do. Why? Because when you do, you won’t tolerate abuse. And you will go after the life you know you deserve. So, how do you discover your value as a person? Here are all the tips.

1. be yourself.

No one wants a cheap copy; they want an original.

You might get a lot of pushback at first. Many people become threatened and angry anytime you make positive changes in your life. Moreover, they may give you tons of grief for it.

However, they only do it because they were benefiting from the old you. There were advantages that came with the you who sought approval. And they don’t want to lose those benefits.

We live in a world full of copies. In other words, most people only conform and seek others’ approval. So, it’s only natural that they lash out at you.

Therefore, embrace the push-back. Keep doing what’s right for you and to hell with what others think! Only you know what’s right for you. No one else does! So, stop seeking validation. Let go of the need for approval.

I guarantee that you’ll be surprised at how it’ll change your life. And you’ll only thank yourself for it later!

How to Know Your Worth:

2. Don’t Seek approval.

You don’t need the approval of anyone unworthy of your consideration. So, stop busting your butt to gain it. Some people’s opinions need not apply.

If anyone ever tries to impose their so-called rules on you, you have the right to tell that person to go to hell. In other words, if the person isn’t a parent, well-meaning teacher, or supervisor, tell them to go crawl back under the horse-apple they wiggled their way from beneath.

You have an obligation to yourself not to give them your power. And that’s exactly what you’re giving them when you seek approval from them. You give them control over your life! That’s something they have no right to. Your power is yours and yours alone.

But once you take back your power by refusing to care what they think, your life will only get better. Take it from me. I’m living proof.

Life begins when you stop caring what people think and begin living life on your terms. Try it. I guarantee that you’ll thank yourself later!

Don’t you know you deserve to be happy?

3. Never give anyone value they haven’t earned.

Never chase those who don’t give a damn about you. Nothing is more pathetic than when you crawl up behind people who use and abuse you. If they don’t want to be friends with you, then screw ’em.

If you have to beg someone for their friendship, then they’re not the ones you need to associate with. Remember that you have options.

Therefore, never seek approval from bullies, abusers, or anyone who neither respects you nor gives a crap about you. Because, when you do, you are, in a sense, giving them value they haven’t earned.

If, at any time, you must suppress parts yourself, you shortchange yourself. Realize that a bully will never add value to your life.

When you follow the standards of others for the sake of validation and acceptance, you only lower your own standards. Know that you don’t have to live up to anyone’s standards but yours.

How to Know Your Worth:

4. Stop caring what Others think.

If bullies abuse you from every corner, you must gather all your courage to get comfortable with yourself. Practice self-love, and stop worrying about others’ opinions of you.

I know it’s scary, I’ve been there. So, I understand your fear and apprehension.

However, when you finally stop caring about the opinions of others, bullies will eventually get tired of waiting for you to screw up. And they will get bored and go away.

Remember that bullies love to see you scared.  That’s why they keep doing the same childish stuff they do. And believe me, they want to keep you fearful because it feeds their egos.

Your fear is what your bullies use to control you. Therefore, do you want to spend years allowing them to have power over your very existence?

Consistently seeking approval is exhausting. You worry needlessly over people who aren’t even worth your time.

Moreover, you send the message that you need them more than they need you. And once you do that, you unwittingly tip the scales of power in their favor.

Therefore, never, ever feel that you need anyone more than they need you. Put the value on yourself instead. This way, you save your energy for only those who love you and who deserve you.

Your family and closest friends are the only ones whose opinions should matter. Anyone outside of that circle shouldn’t be an issue.

How to Know Your Worth:

5. value only the opinions of people who matter.

The value you place on an opinion depends on your relationship with the person who holds it.

“In order to insult me, I must first value your opinion. Nice try, though!”
~ T-Ronn Hicks ~

It’s a shame that most don’t realize this. But it’s true! When you value someone’s opinion of you, you’re naturally going to feel insulted if those opinions aren’t favorable.

Therefore, value the opinions of those most important in your life. These are the ones who love you and help to grow and shape you into a better person. They lift you up and help you feel better about yourself.

Moreover, they encourage you to reach for your goals.  They’re most likely to be your family, friends, and your favorite mentors.

They are those whose opinions you should value.

On the other hand, if you don’t consider certain people important, you won’t value their opinions. Some do not deserve your respect for their opinions. And they are those who hurt or abuse you. Your bullies fall into this category.

Bullies and abusers don’t qualify.

I can’t stress this enough! If someone seeks to harm you in any way, their opinions have no value. Therefore, you should consider them null and void!

They’re of no importance to you whatsoever! Why? Because they can bring absolutely no good to your life! Those who continually tear you down, wreck your self-esteem, and belittle you should have zero significance to you.

It doesn’t matter if they are in a high position. And, it doesn’t matter if they’re popular or have the most money. If they consistently tear you down, they’re no good to you.

Therefore, you should just blow them off and keep going.

Again, only value the opinions of those who love and care about you.  They are the ones who are down for your good and your advancement!

How to Know Your Worth:

Defending yourself and valuing the wrong people’s opinions isn’t the same.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t assert yourself if someone violates your boundaries. Because you should! However, don’t let it cause you to love yourself any less.

Blow off the petty put-downs of bullies. Why? Because the insults they spew have no merit. They never did.

I know it’s not easy. Believe me. I’ve been there. It took me too many years to realize this important rule of life. But I’m glad I finally did. Better late than never.

Know that you can do it. Avoid toxic people as much as possible. Only keep company with those who have your best interests at heart.

You will know who they are. Your gut will tell you. Moreover, their behavior will tell you. So, listen to that gut instinct and pay attention to the vibes others around you put out!

You’ll thank yourself later!

6. Don’t rush to defend yourself

There will be times in life when people accuse you of things that don’t apply to you. Let them misjudge you. Let them spread lies and rumors. And let those who want to believe it do so.

Never rush to defend yourself. Watch to see who believes it so that you’ll know who to cut ties with.

How to Know Your Worth:

7. Be picky who you associate with.

Selectiveness is important. Media, politicians, and other talking heads may trumpet “inclusivity.” However, there’s nothing wrong with excluding those who seek to harm you.

Being selective is not being exclusive. When you’re selective with your friends, it means you choose people of integrity. Therefore, you keep out the snakes to protect your peace.

Therefore, always keep company with those who make you feel the best about yourself. This means those who want to see you do good for yourself.

Keep the people who point you in the right direction, and those who remain loyal even when the chips are down.

Associate only with the people who love, encourage, and want your very best. Reserve your friendship only for those who have your back! Choose the friend who is willing to walk through the fire with you.

They won’t block your path to success. You won’t have to fight for their time or their love. Why? Because they will make time for you and give love freely. Therefore, be selective of who you let into your life.

8. Work toward your goals.

What is your passion? What are the things you love to do the most? Whatever they are, follow them and do the things you absolutely love to do.

Do what makes you feel alive! Not only will you feel more in control of your life, but you won’t have time to worry about what anyone thinks of you.

Additionally, you’ll be so busy working on your goals and pursuing your dreams that they won’t even be an afterthought. And you’ll be much happier!

How to Know Your Worth:

9. Remember that opinions aren’t facts.

Although they can affect your life to a degree, opinions are the cheapest resources in the world.  Though what your bullies think shouldn’t concern you, it doesn’t mean they can’t affect you, or even hinder you.

The reality is that what they think of you can have a massive impact on your life. Moreover, you may not want to admit it. And, no, it isn’t fair.

However, the reality is that the personal opinions of other people are often the deciding factor on whether you’re well-liked or hated.

Bullies influence the attitudes of others who otherwise wouldn’t have issues with you at all. Additionally, those attitudes can spread far and wide.

They make bullies out of those who, under normal circumstances, would never mistreat another human being. It’s amazing what a contagion effect bullying has on schools, companies, organizations, and communities.

However, don’t let that discourage you. Know that opinions aren’t facts and refuse to care what they think.

Why? Because, nine times out of ten, if you don’t give a rat’s ass about others’ opinions, they won’t affect you. Moreover, others will notice that you don’t care.

Then, they’ll leave you alone and go find someone else to bully. Your worth isn’t contingent on others’ thoughts of you.

The Benefits of Knowing Your Worth

How to Know Your Worth:

1. You take your power back.

When you constantly try to win approval, you unknowingly give away your personal power. Also, you place it in the hands of those who couldn’t give a rip about you.

In contrast, when you stop caring what others think, you take your power back. Why? Because you permit yourself to be yourself and to think independently.

Additionally, you stop apologizing for your flaws and learn to embrace them. You know that we’re all human and that everyone has them.

This is how you take back control of your life and begin calling your own shots.

Knowing your worth means that you start doing the things you enjoy. Moreover, you also start avoiding those who make you feel bad about yourself.

And believe it or not, they will notice the difference in you and disappear.

2. You don’t have to work as hard.

When you know your worth, you won’t shape-shift and bend yourself into a pretzel to make others like you. Instead, you’ll be yourself and look down on anyone who tries to change you.

Understand that anyone who you have to work to gain approval and acceptance from has no business in your life. Therefore, show this person the door. Fast! You can’t get rid of them fast enough.

How to Know Your Worth:

3. You discover the freedom you’ve never known.

When you discover your worth, you free yourself from their grip. and take back your autonomy. In that, you take back control of your life.

On the other hand, when you seek validation from someone, you lay a trap for yourself.  Moreover, you set yourself up to be that person’s prisoner.  And you can be sure that they will discard you once you’ve served your purpose.

This is why people-pleasing and approval-seeking are so bad. Because you put yourself at the mercy of others.

You make yourself too available to those you’re trying so hard to score points with. But understand that people tend not to place much value on someone who’s always readily available.

However, when you do your own thing, you become rare, scarce, mysterious, and elusive. Therefore, you become the person who’s sought after. And what’s most important is that you experience freedom!

BE THAT PERSON!

Be that person who doesn’t give a damn what others think and watch things quickly change for the better!

How to know Your Worth:

What happens if you don’t know your worth?

Bad things can happen if you don’t know your value.

1. You’ll care too much ABOUT what others think.

“If you care too much about what others think, you care less about yourself.” This is what a fellow blogger wrote several years back. And, she was right!

When you care too much about what others think, you become a slave to them. In other words, these morons own you.

Any time you care too much about the opinions of others, you’ll bend over backward to prove your worth. You’ll be a yes-person because you won’t have the guts to say no when you really want to.

You’ll do things you’d rather not do. Also, you’ll agree with things that go against your beliefs and convictions. You’ll sacrifice your time, your resources, and yourself for those who don’t deserve it.

2. You’ll lose respect for yourself, and others will too.

You’ll fall for other people’s BS and accept crappy behavior from them just to avoid conflict. As a result, they’ll see you as a pushover.

In other words, you’ll be a doormat and lose respect for yourself. And you’ll look pathetic! To put it bluntly, you’ll kiss butt and eat shit all for the sake of approval. Yuck!

You’ll only attract users, abusers, and losers, who’ll only deplete you of time, energy, and worst of all, self-esteem!

Even worse, your submissiveness will become expected over time. And once you do finally get tired of being walked on and grow a spine, others won’t respect you for it. They’ll be offended by it.

‘You see, here’s the thing. If you truly know your value, you don’t have to prove it because you know it’s there. Even better, others see it too.

Why? Because they not only sense that others’ opinions don’t faze you, but they can see it in your demeanor. So, stop caring what bullies and abusers think of you. They shouldn’t even matter.

How to Know Your Worth:

In conclusion:

Although you can never control how others see you or how they behave toward you, you have a choice of knowing your worth. You can also choose to keep some people in your life or kick them out.

Remember that your thoughts are free. You choose the way you think of yourself, and you control how you see yourself.

Therefore, know your worth! Be happy, be yourself, and watch the benefits roll in! Then, enjoy those advantages!

This post was all about how to know your worth so that you can start treating yourself better and going after what you know you deserve.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Seeking Approval: 5 Must-Know Reasons It Worsens Bullying

2. Know Your Worth: 4 Reasons It’s Important

3. A woman who Knows Her Worth: 7 Things She’ll Never Settle for

4. Opinions are Not Facts: 7 Reasons Those of Bullies Don’t Matter

5. How to Stop Being Bullied: 14 Tips to Make Yourself Less a Target

don't hate your bullies psychology

Don’t Hate Your Bullies, Feel Sorry for Them

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Don’t hate your bullies, feel sorry for them. Here we will discuss why this is so important.

don't hate your bullies

Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Instead, feel sorry for your bullies. Pity is patronizing. Therefore, they’re the ones who deserve pity, not you.

In this post, you will learn why it’s better that you don’t hate your bullies so that you won’t give them the dignity they don’t deserve. Moreover, you won’t allow yourself to be eaten up by hate.

Once you learn the crucial details you’re about to read, you will resist hate and choose pity instead.

This post will give you reasons why you’re better off if you don’t hate your bullies so that you will refuse to let this poisonous emotion take over your life.

Don’t hate your bullies

It all comes down to you. You are responsible for your successes and your happiness. Happiness is a choice, not something that magically happens to only certain people.

It’s okay to cry when someone hurts you. It’s okay to be hurt, angry, and sad. In fact, you need to allow yourself to feel. Allow yourself to get angry. Permit yourself to cry it out. Just don’t hate people who abuse you.

Never let the cruel words and actions of a bully cause you to hate them. I realize that this is not always easy. However, it is important.

Understand that your bullies are cowards and fighting demons of their own. Only they’re doing it the wrong way. And their mistreatment of you is only proof that they’re the ones who have the issues.

Hate gives Bullies a Degree of Dignity. But there’s no dignity in being pitied.

Never hate your bullies because if you do, you will give them some dignity. They don’t deserve that. Pity them instead. There’s no dignity in being pitied because it’s pathetic.

Don’t Hate Your Bullies:

They fight demons of their own.

Understand that your bullies are cowards. Moreover, they are fighting demons of their own. Only they’re doing it the wrong way. And their mistreatment of you is only proof that they’re the ones who have the issues.

Bullies point out your shortcomings because they’re so afraid that somebody will discover theirs. Bullies are notorious for projecting their flaws onto you to keep other people from seeing theirs. It’s pathetic when you think real hard about it.

And trust me, we all have imperfections. We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t. Distraction and projection are how bullies operate. They would be the top two tactics in the “How To Bully” handbook if there ever were such a guide.

Understand that bullies bully out of fear and insecurity!

Bullies are notorious for seeking approval.

I look back and realize that most of my classmates lived solely for their friends’ approval. They didn’t know what they wanted. Even worse, they didn’t know who they were! Sadly, as adults, they still don’t.

Even today, they’re slaves to the approval of others. They are tools, followers, sheep.

I refuse to live that way. Realize that you don’t live for them. Life isn’t a popularity contest. Your goal is to do what makes you happy and live a drama-free life. No more, no less.

So, stop caring about their approval. You don’t need it.

Don’t Hate Your Bullies:

They don’t know who they are.

You must tell yourself, “I know who I am, and I live for much better things!”

Believe me. You will look back and realize that you have nothing to envy. In fact, you’re much better off than any of them. You are the luckier one.

Why? Because when you don’t have to jump through hoops to prove anything, you can relax. So, don’t bend over backward for them.

This is hard, and you may pay a heavy price for it, but continue to live for yourself. You will be glad you did.

The reason your bullies seem to have all these friends around them is that they put on a front. Therefore, consider all the personal sacrifices they’re making to have those friends. Ask yourself what they have to give up?

Indifference is better than hate.

Indifference is a better option than hate. Because with indifference, you could absolutely care less.

You couldn’t care less if the person is doing well or poorly, what he thinks, what he says, or what he does. On the other hand, with hate, you care because all you want is for the hated person to suffer.

There’s a strong desire to make sure nothing good happens to those you hate. Therefore, you obsessively seek to destroy them.

You want to make sure all opportunities are closed off to the hated person. This is what hate does. It causes haters to obsess over the hated.

So, if you’re a target of bullies, let them go ahead and hate on you. But don’t hate them back. Instead, be indifferent toward them.

Don’t Hate Your Bullies:

They hate you. But you don’t have to hate them back.

What if I told you that having haters can be a good thing and you can use it to your advantage? Most victims of bullying see haters as a bad thing.

In other words, they see them as a hindrance to their progress. However, they don’t have to be. It depends on how you look at it.

Once you start seeing the positives in it, they won’t be so threatening to you. In fact, you may even enjoy watching them squirm every time they see you.

The faces of hate.

As a survivor of severe bullying and peer-abuse, I’ve seen the faces of hate- up close and personal. And let me tell you, it’s ugly! And dangerous!

I know what it looks like. I’ve felt its powerful and painful sting and been paralyzed by it. As much as I hate to admit it, I’ve even felt it toward others in the past.

But hatred is worthless. Most people don’t understand the damage it does to not the hated, but the hater! It causes the hater more pain than the hated.

I say this because I’ve witnessed it. In the past, I’ve looked into the eyes of my bullies. And I looked into their eyes- down into their souls!

I truly believe that if there weren’t a law against murder or manslaughter, I probably wouldn’t be here today. That was the kind of hate many of my classmates had for me.

I noticed how it burned them up inside. ‘You see? That’s what hate does. When you have hatred for another person, you’re only hurting yourself.

Because it will eat you up inside and make you deranged. Hate is a sick and twisted obsession, and it can take over your life if you allow it to.

Hatred can destroy your happiness and prospects. It skews your judgment and ability to think clearly. It causes you to make horrible decisions- decisions that can alter the entire trajectory of your life.

Don’t Hate Your Bullies:

Hate is Harmful on Both Sides

When a person harbors hatred toward another human being, it numbs their conscience and dulls their reasoning. They will condone things they would otherwise deem immoral and evil.

In other words, the hater will approve of the most depraved, heinous atrocities directed toward the hated person. Yet they would disapprove of it, even condemn it, if it were against anyone else, even a total stranger.

Hate turns even the kindest, most caring people into depraved monsters. Realize that hate destroys haters and targets alike. Hate kills.

So, if you’re a target of bullies, let them go ahead and hate on you. But don’t hate them back.

What Hate Does to the Hater.

You may feel that your hate is justified. I understand. I did too. But I’m here to tell you, it never got me anywhere. It served no purpose, and I never benefited from it.

So, again, no matter how some creep may have wronged you, never give in to hate. Because it is poisonous! Not to the other person but to YOU! Here’s why.

  • Hate burns you up inside. It eats down into your very soul and prolongs feelings of hurt, depression, and downright misery.
  • It doesn’t hurt the person being hated. It hurts you because nine times out of ten, the person you hate either doesn’t know about it or doesn’t care.
  • You give up your blessings. Also, you forego any opportunities that would otherwise come your way. You invite negativity and evil into your world instead. Hatred causes you to forego your own happiness, and life is too short to be anything but happy.
  • Again, while you are sitting around stewing over some idiot who has wronged you in the past, they aren’t thinking about you.

Don’t Hate Your Bullies:

Hate Serves No Purpose

While you are holding grudges and plotting ways to get back at them, that person is getting on with life. The person who hurt you doesn’t care about you.

They are not thinking about you. So why do you allow them to live rent-free in your head? They are a complete waste of brain activity!

Hate, insecurity, grudges, and excessive anger are all garbage in your life. And you need to dispose of it.

It’s time to take out the trash. Then take back the peace and happiness that you not only deserve but have a divine right to. You deserve to be happy. And the only way you will find happiness is to let go of any grudges and hate.

Then replace them with love and acceptance. It is what I had to do before I could be happy.

In Conclusion.

You have the delicious power to re-frame your thinking. Therefore, you must realize that your bullies’ hatred of you only hurts them, not you. It comes from something inside them, not something about you.

Remember that their raw feelings say everything about them. So, sit back, eat your popcorn, and watch them eat their hearts out and self-destruct. And continue to love yourself.

Lastly, continue to be happy despite their hatred. There is dignity in being hated.

This post gave you all the reasons it’s better that you don’t hate your bullies so that you can take back your peace and happiness.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Love Yourself when Everyone Hates You

2. What Bullies Hate Most: 9 Things Bullies Despise

3. Happiness is a Choice: 9 Ways to be Happy

4. Bullied for Being Smart? Here are 5 Positive Ways to Look at It

5. How to Make Friends when Everyone Hates You: 4 Tips and Tricks

tactics bullies use against you

Tactics Bullies Use: 6 Things They Do to Throw You Off

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Do you know the most common tactics bullies use? You will find them here so that you will recognize them if they happen to you.

tactics bullies use

There are many tactics bullies use. However, many of them aren’t as obvious as others.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn more about the sneakier ones so that you can call them out and defend yourself from them.

Once you learn all these techniques, you will be able to protect yourself more easily and even overcome bullying altogether.

This post is all about the tactics bullies use, so you can name them and protect yourself.

Tactics Bullies Use

Although you may understand the context of what is happening, you may not know how to name it. So, let’s discuss.

1. Rattling You

Before getting violent, bullies will often try to rattle you to intimidate you and throw you off balance. It’s how they mess with your mind. For example, if you’re a kid who is being bullied in school, here’s what your bullies may do to rattle you.

  • Deliberately knock over your drink and spill it
  • Pluck a piece of food from your plate and pop it into their mouth at lunch.
  • Kick your books, backpack, or purse with their foot
  • Fling your hair back
  • Flick your nose with one finger
  • Give you a non-friendly slap on the back
  • Shoulder-check you as they walk past you in the hall or parking lot
  • Knock your hat or cap off.

Workplace bullies may also knock your files off your desk. This doesn’t happen often, but it isn’t unheard of.

Understand that bullies use these tactics to provoke a reaction. They may even be looking for a fight. Why else would they invade your space or territory?

tactics bullies use.

2. Daring You.

For example, a bully may stand with feet apart and arms wide, forming a T-stance. By doing this, the bully is telling you to “Bring it” or “Come on, I dare you.”

3. Making deliberate, sudden movements.

For instance, the bully may back away from you and act like he is going to punch you, then stop himself and laugh.

They may also lunge at you, then stop themselves. These tactics are the favorite of bullies. Understand that bullies make these deliberate moves to cause you to flinch.

They then stand back and laugh. Then, they claim that this normal reaction is proof that you’re scared of them and don’t have the guts to fight them back.

4. Mock physical attacks.

For example, bullies may begin dancing around the room and shadowboxing. By doing this, the bully is clearly showing what he wants to do to you.

Understand that when bullies toy with you, they really want to square off. See it for what it is and call it out as it is.

The best defense against this is calling the bully out. Here’s what you say:

  • “Do you realize how foolish you look?”
  • “Wow! You look like a total moron!”, “whack-job”, etc.

Understand that there is a proper way to counter a bully using these kinds of tactics. And that is to insult his intelligence or sanity. And when you do, it’s best to do it in front of an audience.

The bully will either back off or react emotionally. Bullies absolutely despise looking like fools and being called out on it.

Tactics Bullies Use:

5. Asking Gotcha Questions

Not only are politicians notorious for asking gotcha questions, but so are bullies. What is a gotcha-question, you may ask?

Gotcha questions are those that put you in a bad light, no matter how you respond. They can do damage even if you don’t respond to them at all.

Therefore, these are the types bullies will ask you in public, just to humiliate you. In fact, these kinds are best asked in front of an audience.

Gotcha questions are forms of entrapment. Why? Because bullies use them to trap you into looking bad to others.

examples of Gotchas:

  • “Hey, Jeff, do your friends know you got arrested the other day?”

This question says Jeff was arrested. It implies that he is a criminal and assumes that he was arrested, whether his friends realize it or not.

If Jeff answers yes, it means that he’s a criminal and his friends know about it. If he answers no, it still means that Jeff is a criminal, only that none of his friends are aware of it.

  • “Hey, Jennifer, how many people know that you spent time in a mental institution?”

Again, the question makes a statement- one that says that Jennifer was institutionalized. It implies that she was in a mental institution, whether anyone knows it or not.

If Jennifer answers yes, it means that she has mental issues, and others know about it. A no means that no one knows that she has a mental illness and that she’s hiding it from everyone.

These types of questions are “gotchas” because they are closed-ended questions that leave no room for the truth.

Tactics Bullies Use:

Bullies ask gotchas to entrap you.

  • “Tabitha, did you ever get help for your alcoholism?”

By asking this, the bully is accusing Tabitha of having alcoholism without directly doing so. It’s a slick way for them to attack her.

A yes means that Tabitha was “a drunk” in the past. A no implies that Tabitha is still a “boozehound.” And that’s what people will think.

Furthermore, if she responds by saying, “I’ve never had a drinking problem,” it would sound like a cover-up. Why? Because others would wonder why anyone would ask such a question if they weren’t privy to such private information.

It implies that the asker knows information that hasn’t been available to anyone else.

  • “Does Ella know that you slept with her boyfriend?”

Here, you have three options. You can answer yes or no, or choose not to respond. Either way, the bully is still implying that you slept with Ella’s boyfriend. It’s a stealthy way for the questioner to call you a whore.

Therefore, if you are being bullied, you must learn very quickly how to spot gotcha questions. Then, you must call them out as such. Be sure to respond in a way that makes you look the least guilty.

healthy responses to gotchas:

If a bully ever confronts you with a gotcha, this is how to respond:

  • “You’re wasting your time with the gotcha-questions because they don’t work on me.”
  • “You need to quit with the gotcha-questions. I’m wise to your games. You’re fooling no one.”

The trick here is to call the person out by calling the questions what they are. And when you do, do it as intelligently as possible.

It may or may not save your good name. However, you’ll feel good knowing you called it out without letting the bully throw you off balance. And sometimes, that’s enough.

Tactics Bullies Use:

6. Smear Campaigns

It always starts subtly. Bullies start rumors by dropping a suggestion. And all it takes is one little rumor- just one! Because bystanders will want to believe it.

If enough people do, it will become the truth even if it is a bald-faced lie. And there’s no getting away from public opinion, no matter how false or unjustified it is.

Bullies ruin targets by making things up, leaking info they hear, or spreading ideas. Next, the bullies will fade into the background.

They’ve done their part, and now they can sit back and let the rumor mill do the work for them. It’s that easy! Let’s break it down.

How it works:

For example, bullies start by suggesting that you would be better off getting professional help. They will say that it’s for your own good.

They may then drop an offhand comment here and another there. In the beginning, you may have friends and be very well-liked. And they may try to support you and speak on your behalf.

However, that’s when your bullies will tell them, “Oh, no. There’s more to it than what they told you.” Or, the bullies may lie to them by claiming that sometime in the past, you stabbed them in the back.

Now it’s time for the bullies to stand back and let the old rumor mill do its handiwork. And, sure enough, the lies become the truth. People begin reporting things to the bullies, even things that never happened.

Tactics Bullies Use:

The rumors get bigger and more bizarre as they spread.

And as the rumors and lies spread from person to person, they get bigger. Finally, they sound so bizarre that they’d make good content for a horror movie.

You might say, “Aw, but they’re my friends. They’d never do that to me. And I have a clean reputation. All I have to do is tell them my side of things, and this stuff will go away.”

Wrong!

Once the rumors start sticking, your buddies will no longer believe you to be right. They’ll only think you’re a thorn in the side with a big mouth. Therefore, you’ll no longer have a clean reputation.

Before long, everyone thinks you never deserved any respect. And the only reason you were so well-liked is that you conned your way into everyone’s hearts.

They’ll say you put on a front. The bullies and their followers may even accuse you of being a kiss-ass.

Your good qualities won’t matter.

They’ll rewrite your history. Your past wins and accomplishments will be made irrelevant. They will minimize anything good about you, while maximizing your mistakes and failures.

Even if they see with their own eyes evidence of your successes, friendships, or anything positive, they’ll deny it. Or they’ll only react by claiming that you’re a smooth-talker who’s darn good at manipulating others.

Moreover, your former friends will claim that they never liked you from the start. They’ll only say that they were kind to you because you deceived them.

They’ll tell others, “who you really are.” And they’ll claim that the bullies you bitched about were only reacting to your sneaky provocations. If they ever agreed with you about your bullies, they only did so because you fooled them.

Tactics Bullies Use:

Telling your side of things will be pointless.

And telling your side of things will do no good because they’ll never believe it anyway. Your embittered friends “may have fallen for it at first,” but now they claim to “know better.”

Their minds will already be made up, and there will be no changing them.

What you should do if you ever find yourself in this situation.

Many of the tactics bullies use are good. You’ve got to admit. Moreover, they’re damn hard to undo.

If you ever become the target of a smear campaign, it’s best to find a way out of the environment. And don’t look back. Also, you must write these people off forever.

This post is all about the sneaky tactics bullies use so you can recognize them and protect yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Psychological Abuse Tactics: 9 Mind Games Seasoned Bullies Use

2.  Bullying Tactics: 9 Subtle Moves Bullies Use to Avoid Detection

3. Deliberate Indifference: 7 Reasons Bystanders Won’t Help Victims 

4. Definition of Bullying: Is the Person a Bully or a just an Asshole?

5.  How to Disarm a Bully: 13 Clever Comebacks that Work Wonders

when victims of bullying change schools reddit

When Victims of Bullying Change Schools: 12 Things to Expect

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Want to know what happens when victims of bullying change schools? You would be pleasantly surprised. Here’s what you have to look forward to if you’re a victim of bullying and a school transfer is on the horizon.

when victims of bullying change schools

When you’re bullied at school, it’s like you’re living in a totalitarian social environment. For 8 hours a day, the student body feels entitled to police your very identity. And that’s usually your cue to get out of the environment.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn about the positive outcomes that occur when victims of bullying change schools.

Once you learn all about these exciting details, you will be more ready to escape bullying once and for all and switch to a new school.

This post is all about the positive changes that happen when victims of bullying change schools, so that you won’t waste another day in a toxic learning environment.

When Victims of Bullying Change Schools

When you change schools after being bullied, you will feel like a hostage who has finally been rescued. You will feel like a bird out of a cage.

It won’t be just a change of scenery; it will be a change of life! Why? Because your life will make a complete 180-degree turn around. I say this because mine did when I changed schools.

leaving a toxic school

Understand that when you’re in a toxic school, you feel like a hostage. Why? Because you suffer from bullying. And every move you make is dictated by the threat of physical violence or social execution.

So what happens when you transfer to a new school?

1. The End of HYPER-VIGILANCE

In the old school, you had to constantly scan for threats. You always wondered who was staring at you and who was whispering. Even worse, you were always watching your back.

You knew that any moment, someone was going to run up behind you and clock you in the back of the head. And they’d probably get away with it.

When you finally get a chance to transfer to a new school, you will undergo a major psychological shift. And you will feel like you’ve been liberated!

Why? Because, at the new school, you will be able to walk down the halls without your heart thumping out of your chest. You will no longer have to live in survival mode.

When Victims of Bullying Change Schools:

2. Your privacy will be restored.

In the old school, everyone was always prying into your business. You were always having to protect your personal life.

However, in the new school, no one will hold the keys to your private life. In fact, no one will care. There, you no longer have to hide secrets to survive. You can just be “the new kid.”

By changing schools, you replace the intrusiveness of bullies with the indifference of strangers.

3. You reclaim your identity.

When you transfer to a new school, you’re no longer “that loser” or “that wimp.” You’re just a fresh face. You’re the new kid that everyone wants to meet.

You no longer need to mask to protect yourself. Now, you can relax and just be yourself. And because you’re the new kid, you have allure and mystery.

You can start with a clean slate. Therefore, from here, you can put your best foot forward. And you can reinvent yourself.

4. You get to know yourself again.

Sometimes bullying can cause you to lose sight of who you are. However, when you change schools, you can get to know yourself again.

And before you know it, you’ll be back to your charming self in no time.

In the old school, bullies disconnected you from yourself. But in the new school, you rediscover who you are. Moreover, you can learn to love yourself.

When Victims of Bullying Change Schools:

5. You get rid of any threats.

In the old school, you had to put on your bitch face to keep predators away. Maybe you felt you needed to hide your true self. Or you needed to put on a tough exterior.

However, you don’t need to do any of these things now. In the new school, the threat is gone. Why? Because the bullies from the old school can no longer reach you.

6. The post-escape high.

You will feel a sense of exhilaration. And it won’t be because of winning any fights with bullies. This amazing feeling will be a calm sense of sovereignty. Why? Because you’ve won your life back.

You are finally free from the clutches of your bullies. This freedom gives you rest. At the same time, it gives you excitement for the future. Now, you can finally look forward to it instead of dreading it.

For instance, at the old school, you dreaded going to school each morning. But now, you wake up, looking forward to the day ahead. You can’t wait to jump onto the school bus and meet new peers.

When Victims of Bullying Change Schools:
7. Your Grades will drastically improve.

You’ll enjoy learning. As a result, schoolwork will get easier. And it will seem like magic. Why? Because you’ll no longer be living in survival mode.

In other words, you won’t spend all your energy looking out for bullies. Instead, you’ll focus it all on learning. And your grades will skyrocket.

Instead of making Cs, Ds, and Fs, you’ll begin making As and Bs. I tell you this because the same thing happened when I switched schools.

8. You’ll get to start over with a blank slate.

Starting with a blank slate gives you a second chance. In a new school, you will no longer be spending 99 percent of your brain power on survival. Therefore, your social life can only improve.

And you will flourish from now on.

9. You’ll find it easier to make friends.

When you transfer to a new school, you will make friends much more easily than you did in the old school. Why? Because you won’t have the bullies from the old school narrating your life.

There will be no pre-written script. You left your old victim role behind when you left the old school.

Then, you’ll be calm and relaxed in the new school.

People are attracted to those who are calm and comfortable with themselves because it signals confidence. This will help you make friends easily and effortlessly.

When Victims of Bullying Change Schools:

10. You’ll find it easier to be yourself.

In the old school, you had to put on a front to find one shred of power. But not anymore.

In the new school, you will no longer feel the need to perform. Instead, you’ll feel sage enough to drop the act and be yourself.

People are naturally attracted to authenticity. And because you can now relax and be yourself, you’ll be a people-magnet.

Your new classmates will want to talk to you, hang out with you, and invite you to their clubs and meetings.

11. You’ll finally have acceptance. 

In the old school, people tolerated you at best. But in the new school, people accept you. You will feel validated because of the invites you get.

Moreover, you will enjoy sitting on the ball field, chatting and laughing with your new friends. This will only prove that the problem at your old school was never you. It was the toxic environment you were stuck in.

When Victims of Bullying Change Schools:

12. You will want to forget about the old school.

In fact, you won’t feel the need to tell anyone at the old school about your old environment. You will think it best just to leave that part of your life behind. Moreover, you will want to protect your new start.

By keeping the bullying you suffered in the past a secret, you’ll protect your new normal. Because you have social status with your new peers, you can put the old life to rest. You can close the book forever.

But most importantly, you can bring about healing and recovery. Why? Because you refuse to allow what was done to you to define you. And your new friends will feel like a wall that protects you.

In conclusion

In a bullying environment, you’re like a bird in a cage. A bird can’t fly in a cage. So, its captors label it “broken.” But once the bird escapes the cage and experiences the open air, it realizes that it is a natural at it.

That’s what bullying does. It’s a vicious cycle. It traps you in helplessness. It strips you of self-belief. Changing schools helps you to break out of that cage. In a new environment, you can relax and be yourself.

Why, because you no longer need to live in survival mode. The threat is gone. And you’re no longer a victim. You’re a survivor. And you’re on your way to being an overcomer.

In your new school, you can start fresh with a clean slate. Therefore, so many opportunities will open for you. You can make friends with your new classmates. You can improve your grades and flourish as a student.

And you can enjoy your new life without ever looking back.

“When a flower doesn’t bloom,

we change the environment, not the flower.”

– Unknown –

This post was all about the amazing things that happen when victims of bullying change schools so that you can look forward to your transfer with hope and excitement.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. School Choice: Why it’s a Godsend for Bullied Kids!

2. The Cycle of Bullying: Psychological Injuries and Care of Victims

3. When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing  

woman card for survival

Woman Card: A Survival Tool for Female Victims of Bullying

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Want to know why some bullied girls and women use the woman card just to survive bullying? Here’s everything you need to know.

woman card

If you are a woman, there’s a protective mechanism you can use in a dangerous situation. You play the distressed damsel when bullies attack you, and nothing else works. You use your physical weaknesses as strengths, especially if your bullies are boys.

Moreover, you may use it to get sympathy when others attack you. It’s not that you’re doing it to deceive; you’re doing it to survive.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn about the woman card survival tool and the reasons women use it when people bully them.

Once you learn about these important truths, you will understand why we do it. Moreover, you will be encouraged to use whatever you have to keep bullies from harming you. And you won’t feel guilty about it.

This post is all about the woman card and why female victims of bullying use it, so that you will see it as a survival behavior for female victims. Also, if you’re a girl who gets bullied, you won’t feel guilty about doing what you must to protect yourself.

Using the Woman Card: My own experiences

During school, females weren’t the only ones who bullied me. Boys and men bullied me, too. Everyone got a piece of me, male, female, black, white, and purple with green polka dots. It didn’t matter. I was an equal opportunity target.

I got my face beaten in a lot during those years. A bigger boy body slammed me. One guy busted my nose in the seventh grade. This became a pattern until it dawned on me that I could use my femininity as a weapon.

So, I began playing the damsel in distress to gain sympathy anytime bullies attacked me. Moreover, I was five feet four inches tall and only 115-120 lbs. Therefore, I could also use it with girls who were larger than me.

I’ve talked to several women who were bullied as girls, and some of them did the same. And I don’t blame them one bit.

When an environment grows physically violent. You’re no longer dealing with typical high school drama. You are in a survival situation.

Therefore, if you’re a woman, you use the woman card. Why? To either fawn your way out of being harmed or to attract outside protection.

Does it Work?

This works. Don’t get me wrong. There were many times that using your femaleness will help you to de-escalate the situation.

But if your bullies ever catch on to what you’re trying to do, it will lose its effect. In fact, this specific move can make things brutal. And this goes double if you’re in a toxic school with a culture of bullying.

It’s what happened with me. My bullies caught on to my tactic. Don’t ask me how, but they did.

How the woman card can backfire if you aren’t careful

If bullies ever catch onto the woman card, they will do their best to make you regret it. But why?

1. It threatens their Script.

Bullies rely on the power imbalance. When you use your girlhood to gain sympathy from teachers and other peers, you flip the script on them.

You see? In your bullies’ minds, they are the cool ones. They are the superior ones. However, by gaining sympathy, you made them look bad. And the best part is that you did it in a way that they can’t justify.

Now, they think that you’re using your victim status to damage their reputation. Therefore, they’ll react with more violence just to shut you up. This is what they tried to do to me.

2. Aggressive bullies see it as cheating.

In the high school I was bullied in, being tough and aggressive was held in high regard. And, by both sexes. In fact, their answer to all their problems was “whooping your ass.”

Because I used my vulnerability, they saw it as a cheat code. Moreover, they saw it as my using the system against them. This led to a special kind of hatred because they felt they couldn’t win.

And the result of it was worse physical violence.

3. By Using the Woman card, You use “moral injury” to counteract the bystander effect.

The bullies weren’t the only ones who resented me. Some bystanders did too. By seeking sympathy, I forced the bystanders to make a choice.

If they didn’t help me, they felt guilty for it later. If they did help me, they risked making the bullies angry. Therefore, I trapped them between a rock and a hard place.

The physical violence was my bullies’ breaking point. It was their last-ditch effort to destroy me because I was no longer playing by their rules.

using femininity to counter the effect bullying has on your dating prospects

Due to stricter laws, this probably isn’t an option today. However, back in my day, teenage girls had more options for dating, even if they were bullied.

It was the eighties, and we had the option to date college-aged guys. Therefore, I often used my sexuality to attract men in this age group.

Knowing that young adult men loved the idea of dating teenagers, I flirted and used my good looks to make up for the limited options I had in my own age group.

These young men knew nothing of my ruined reputation. Therefore, I got to create opportunities for myself. From a survival standpoint, this should make sense. Why?

Because when your environment becomes a social desert, what else can you do? It’s only natural to look outside the fence for validation.

Besides, would you really want to date anyone from the environment where you’re constantly hunted and devalued? That would be too risky!

1. The woman card helps you to bypass your REPUTATION.

It’s true that there are no shortcuts in life. However, by rejecting boys my age and opting to date college-aged men, I took a shortcut and bypassed my bullies.

It was the ultimate power flip! In class, I was the target. But with college-aged men, I was the prize. To these men, I wasn’t “that girl” everyone hated. I was just a beautiful, interesting young woman.

Using my womanly wiles gave me a sense of power and desirability, which were the very things that my classmates were desperately trying to strip away from me. It also gave me a break from the brutality of life at school.

However, dating adult men was also a sign that circumstances had forced me to grow up too fast. And why not?

It was hard to find anything in common with classmates because they acted like petulant children.

2. The downside, living a double life

When you’re a girl who everyone bullies in high school, finding love with an adult man feels liberating. Moreover, it feels wonderful.

But I look back now, and I realize that I was, in essence, living a double life. From 8 am to 3 pm, I was a target – a damsel in distress. In the evening, I was a prize – a femme fatale. That was a lot of mental weight for a girl so young to carry.

Back then, that never occurred to me. I was too much in love and too busy enjoying it. Also, it seemed like I was winning against those who hated me.

3. The woman card drives bullies mad

After years of being knocked to the bottom of the social ladder, I felt as if I’d jumped over the entire hierarchy. And it showed when people at school found out that I was dating a twenty-two-year-old.

It turned out that I had broken their most basic rule. And I didn’t just break the rules, I changed the game entirely!

By dating someone six years older than me, I outsmarted them. Moreover, I outflanked every boy in the place. Why?

Because, to a teenage boy, a twenty-two-year-old represents a world they can’t access yet – manhood. By dating a grown man, I showed them that their kingdom was smaller than they thought. In fact, it was no more than a tiny kiddie pool.

Therefore, while they were piddling around in their kiddie pool, I was in the big lake, swimming with the big fish.

4. The bullies lose control

Let me tell you! It drove them up the wall! A tarnished reputation only works when you give a damn what others think. By finding love and appreciation outside my school, I signaled that their opinions meant jack.

And that’s what infuriated my bullies the most.

Moreover, they likely saw it as cheating their social system. Why? Because I created an unfair advantage for myself.

I used the woman card to get the kind of attention they couldn’t compete with. Therefore, their outrage was a mix of jealousy and the fact that they no longer had the power to make me feel bad.

As a result, I felt like I’d finally gotten the upper hand. And I didn’t have to swing a fist to get it. It was like I had a secret weapon that made me untouchable. And, to tell you the truth, it felt exhilarating!

Dating Rick gave me a degree of psychological immunity. It gave me a lifeboat. Why? My bullies’ insults stopped hurting because I had Rick telling me that I was beautiful and wanted.

For that time, I wasn’t a victim anymore. I was a woman with adult secrets and adult desires that were being met. And they knew it.

Woman Card:

5. Female bullies become highly jealous.

To teenage girls, a twenty-two-year-old guy represents money, cars, bars, freedom, and “adult status.” These were things my bullies at school were still lightyears away from. Therefore, it made them seem like little kids.

With their outrage, they were admitting that I had something they wanted but couldn’t have.  As a result, they gave me a ton of backlash. Why?

Because I had become a threat to their precious hierarchy. At Oakley High School, if you tried to rise above your assigned social position, you were punished for it.

6. Fake moral outrage

They reframed their jealousy as moral high ground. They called me every ugly name you could possibly call a girl. “Slut.” “Whore.” “Tramp.” “Shameless strumpet.” “Floozie.” “Gold-digger.” Whatever bile they could spew, they did.

Moreover, they felt justified in it. Why? Because, according to them, I was breaking social taboos. So, it gave them a moral obligation to be meaner.

However, it was all designed to shame me back to a lower level. Not that it worked, because I knew what their moral outrage was really coming from. They were using it to mask deep jealousy.

They were angry that I’d found a way to be desirable to someone who outranked them in age, finances, and experience.

Woman Card:

7. They felt the need to reinforce dominance.

Because they thought they needed to reassert their dominance, they increased the physical attacks. In other words, they wanted to beat the confidence out of me to remind me that they were still in charge.

The unspoken message was, “inside these walls, you’re still under our control and don’t you forget it.”

However, they could only make life at school hard for me. Once we were off school property, they had no control. Therefore, part of their anger came from the fact that there were other parts of my life they couldn’t touch.

My love life was one of them. That was the one thing making me happy. And they knew it.

I knew it too. Therefore, the attacks had less effect on me. They hurt, but the pain didn’t seem as bad. Having someone outside the toxic environment who loved me helped dull the pain.

8. The adrenaline of winning.

In fact, watching them lose their minds was exhilarating! My good life outside of school was a counterattack.

For the first time, I was the one causing them emotional distress. And the best part was that I was doing it without meaning to. I’ll be the first to admit that it felt good!

It was like I was on a pedestal they were desperately trying to kick me off of. But they were failing miserably.

So, they were, in a sense, punishing me for “acting older than” they allowed.

Woman Card:

In conclusion

Using the woman card helped me in many ways when I was being bullied. This may be the wrong thing to say. However, it’s the truth. Or, at least, it was back then.

Being a girl was the one thing I thanked God for. It gave me some protection against evil people. However, I didn’t realize it until high school.

I had to use every tool I had to stay safe in a broken environment. If it meant using the woman card, then I gladly did that.

My femininity was my last resort. I used it when all else had failed. It was what got me the hell out of Oakley High School.

When I look back, I wish I had not had to use it. However, a part of me is glad I did. Otherwise, I might never have left that toxic school. And I might never have experienced the magic of dating when I did.

And most importantly, I might have been killed. So, if you’re a bullied female and you’re stuck in a dangerous environment, don’t feel guilty for using your femaleness to survive. Because that’s exactly what it is, survival!

So, know your worth even when bullies try to take it from you. Avoid females who are catty. Don’t settle for abuse. And do what you must to ensure your safety!

This post is all about the woman card and why some bullied girls and WOMEN use it to survive bullying. The purpose of this post is so you don’t feel guilty should you have to use it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. A woman who Knows Her Worth: 7 Things She’ll Never Settle for

2.  Catty Women: 5 Powerful Ways to Deal with Their Bullying

3. Signs of a Catty Woman: 13 Characteristics of Female Bullies

4. Know Your Worth As a Woman: 5 Rules to Live by

5. Female Bullies: 7 Reasons They Bully Other Women and Girls

6. Male vs Female Bullying

when bullying progresses to mobbing psychology

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing

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What happens when bullying progresses to mobbing? What are the signs that it’s headed that way? Read here to find out.

when bullying progresses to mobbing

In this post, you will learn how to tell when bullying progresses to mobbing.

Once you learn all these tell-tale signs, you will be able to get out of the environment before things get too toxic.

This post outlines the signs you’ll notice when bullying progresses to mobbing so you can begin creating an exit plan before the abuse reaches a fever pitch.

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing

Mobbing is bullying by large groups. It happens when everyone in a school, workplace, or community collectively harasses a targeted individual.

The mob often acts under the influence of a ringleader in a position of power. Mobbing usually happens out of retaliation.

It begins when a bullying victim gets fed up with abuse and finally speaks up about it. There are other names for mobbing, such as Collective Bullying.

Remember that bullies and their followers expect you to stay quiet. Moreover, they demand that you bow down to and submit to it.

And when you finally assert your right to be treated as a human being, they punish you for it.

How do you describe it?

A large group of people (a mob) targets you because you opened your mouth. Over time, they become increasingly aggressive. Moreover, the number of attackers grows until you’re completely isolated.

Understand that this is coordinated. It’s designed to strip you of power. They reinforce a shared negative view of you, regardless of your prior reputation.

As vicious gossip circulates, destructive labels and damaging accusations will follow. And they only further alienate you from everyone else.

The mob will expand to include several teachers or managers and large numbers of students or coworkers. What’s shocking is that even the sweetest, most compassionate people suddenly become mean and nasty.

And they won’t think they’re participants in bullying. Instead, they’ll see themselves as defenders against an evil enemy.

They’ll justify their behavior. Why? Because if they saw themselves as bullying participants, it would go against their sense of decency.

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing:

In groups, people change quickly.

Groups change people. Always! Why? Because they feel they must conform. Mobbing is the most damaging because you quickly lose support.

More people jump on the hate bandwagon until everyone closes ranks, and there’s no one left who will help you. And, once bullying escalates to mobbing, it’s nearly impossible to stop.

Chronic Bullying

Chronic bullying is bullying that has persisted over time. When bullying has gone on for six months or longer, people grow comfortable with the bullying.

Therefore, they will skyrocket the torment and pursue you obsessively and nonstop. Why? Because there’s no accountability. And if there’s no accountability, they have no incentive to stop.

As a result, the bullies become cocky. In fact, they get so brazen that the cruelty only grows.

Also, bystanders’ apathy grows until they lose all empathy. Then, they can only feel blind hatred toward you. It gets so bad that anything they do to you, no matter how dangerous, is acceptable.

Why? Because, to them, you have no value, and your life is worth nothing. The scary thing is that it progresses more quickly than you realize. Therefore, you must find ways to address it in the early stages.

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing:

The bullying seems to take on a life of its own.

As mentioned earlier, the bullies have followers and minions backing them up. They enlist flying monkeys to do their dirty work.

Before long, the bullying becomes so ingrained and so severe that it seemingly takes on a life of its own. Bullies become drunk on their own power. Their hatred seems to be all they can focus on.

Instead of controlling their behavior, the behavior controls them. The bullies are blinded by senseless rage. And they’re so addicted to power that the abuse becomes constant. This is a dangerous combination.

Understand that when bullying progresses to mobbing, bullies don’t see you as a human being. As far as they’re concerned, you don’t even deserve to breathe the same air as they do.

This is why mobbing can be especially dangerous. Once it reaches this level, you run the risk of either dying by suicide or being murdered.

Get out of the environment as soon as you figure out that they’re mobbing you. Transfer to another school, go to work for another company, or move to another area. It’s the only way you will find peace.

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing:

The Process Step-By-Step

If you’ve ever been a target of mobbing, you know firsthand how destructive it is. Mobbing is hard to remedy.

The reason is that the tactics are difficult to name or describe. Another reason is that it can leave you so distraught that you’re unable to think clearly.

Here’s something I want you to realize. A mobbing campaign is nowhere near as tricky as it looks.

You’d be amazed at just how simple it is to smear someone. It’s so easy that it shouldn’t be so effective, but it is!

Here’s a chronological, step-by-step recap of how bullies do it and succeed at it:

1. Target Selection.

Here’s a scenario of mobbing in the workplace.

The bullies at XYZ company dislike a specific lady who refuses to conform to their standards. In the past, the bullies successfully influenced everyone else. They have gotten them to submit.

Then, along comes Cindy. She’s beautiful and extremely likable. Confident and outgoing, she makes friends easily.

However, she does her own thing. Cindy is fiercely independent, and this threatens the bullies’ power.

She doesn’t realize that by doing her thing, she’s enraging the bullies. So, she goes on about her business. She plans for her future and achieves good things.

Also, she gets loads of positive attention and praise from others because she’s so successful and well-liked.

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing:

2. Probing.

The bullies watch Cindy closely. They consistently clock her to study her behavior to anticipate her reactions. They figure out her likes and dislikes. Moreover, they find what excites her.

3. Smear Campaign

Next, the bullies begin to smear Cindy. They gossip and spread ugly rumors about her.

Through their lies, they train others to expect a specific type of behavior from Cindy. They point out specific behaviors when they occur.

The bullies then associate Cindy’s completely innocent behavior with something bad or evil. For example, Cindy is sweet, playful, and likes to engage in a little banter.

The bullies watch Cindy banter with people at work. She playfully calls someone a “dummy” or a “goofball,” but others know that it’s all harmless. Cindy is a genuinely kind person.

Therefore, she’s only teasing.

4. The bullies begin making offhand comments.

They remark that her kindness is only an attempt to kiss ass. They say that she wants something from people. Therefore, they plant a little seed of doubt.

Maybe Cindy thinks the people around her really are dummies. She only disguises it under a veil of fun jokes and playfulness. And she’s funny.

The bullies also make statements that she thinks she’s cute. They tell others that she thinks she’s smarter than everyone else. Then repeat, repeat, repeat!

To quote a propaganda minister to a well-known dictator in history, “Tell a lie once, and it remains a lie. Tell a lie a thousand times, and it becomes the truth.”

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing:

5. The repeated narrative begins to stick.

The next time others see her being kind to and playfully bantering with someone, she doesn’t look so cute. The banter isn’t so funny anymore.

Now, people see a side of her they can’t believe they never noticed before.

Feeling smug with gratification, the bullies look at each other, then at Cindy. They wear smirks on their crooked faces and try the same thing over again. The progress is slow, but it’s working.

6. One by One, others buy into the narrative.

 And before you know it, everyone wonders what they ever saw in her to begin with. They start to feel negative toward this poor girl.

7. You begin noticing that something is off.

Cindy begins to pick up on the negative vibes. She withdraws a little.

She doesn’t speak to people as much as she used to. And she doesn’t understand what she did to bring it about.

The bullies notice that Cindy is more distant than usual. Doing what they do best, they use it against her. So, they quickly point this out to everyone.

“Hey, look! Do you see that? Now, what did we tell you? She really does think we’re all dummies! She really does think she’s better than the rest of us!”

“And her ass-kissing didn’t work, so now she’s too good to speak to anyone!”

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing:

8. they use your reaction as a weapon.

Cindy’s withdrawal only inflames everyone’s feelings of resentment. Although her becoming distant is only out of self-protection, others mistake it for smugness and arrogance.

9. It gets worse until you leave to protect yourself.

The bullying only snowballs from there. It gets worse and worse over time until it morphs into mobbing. Understand that we’re all human, and we make mistakes. Therefore, we misjudge others all the time.

Mobbing can happen anywhere, not only in the workplace, but also in school. It’s even worse for kids because they are still developing. Moreover, kids who are mobbed at school get bullied by teachers. And it is a cycle.

Bullies condition an entire group to see any quality in a particular person as a bad thing. And that’s when a smear campaign is most effective.

Therefore, everyone, even those who aren’t bullies, can quickly turn cruel. And they repeat the same cruelty, over and over again.

When bullying progresses to mobbing, it’s unstoppable. And the only way you can take your life back is to leave the environment.

Bullying always escalates if it’s left unchecked. And when something bad is left unchecked, there’s no incentive to hide it, much less stop it.

The post gave you the details of what happens when bullying progresses to mobbing so that you will recognize the warning signs and get out before it affects your mental health.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Mobbing in the Workplace: How it Progresses, Step-by-Step

2. Bullying or Mobbing?

3. Mobbing in Schools: 9 Warning Signs Bullying is Out of Control

4. The Cycle of Bullying: Psychological Injuries and Care of Victims

5. Examples of a Teacher Bullying a Student: School Mobbing

how to handle bullying in high school

How to Handle Bullying: 7 Powerful Ways to Counter a Bully

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‘Want to know how to handle bullying? Here are all the powerful defense techniques you need to know about.

how to handle bullying

Despite all the information available, many victims of bullying don’t know how to deal with it. And they continue to have their lives ruined by people who take pleasure from their pain.

Therefore, in this post, you will get powerful tips on how to handle bullying so that you can overcome it and emerge a winner.

Once you learn all these crucial moves, you will be able to face bullying with strength and, eventually, overcome it and move on to a happier and more peaceful life.

This post is all about how to handle bullying so that you can overcome and begin building a good life for yourself.

How to Handle Bullying

Many victims do not know how to deal with bullies. And one thing that gets them in trouble is becoming emotional. This is not good because it gives the bullies exactly what they want. Here are better ways to handle bullying.

1. Respond but don’t react.

Overreacting. Any overreaction to the taunts, insults, and attacks from bullies only brings more problems. Unfortunately, I learned this lesson through time-consuming trial and error.

It only gave my bullies what they wanted. Also, it could’ve gotten me either maimed or killed. But you don’t have to.

Overreacting can have a boomerang effect. If you get overly emotional, your bullies will only bully you more. Moreover, they could use your overreaction against you. Here’s how.

Bullies use your overreaction to play the victim role.

When you overreact, it can make you look like the aggressor. Therefore, your bullies may provoke you just to bait you into reacting. So why not use a different strategy?

2. Respond calmly.

When you respond calmly, you keep your mental shit together. Therefore, you look better to bystanders and witnesses. Moreover, staying calm drives bullies nuts. Your calmness can make them emotional.

Therefore, you’re turning their tactic against them.

How to Handle Bullying:

3. Fake a surrender or submission.

Make it look as if you’re giving in to your bullies’ demands. I realize this may feel a bit cowardly to you. However, you aren’t caving in, you’re only making your bullies think you are.

This works with physical bullies who have anger issues. So, remain calm and make them believe they have the upper hand. Doing so will stabilize their temper.

But wait! There’s another benefit! Your bullies probably expect you to react with aggression. But if you don’t, it will throw them off. When you remain calm and agree with them, it will shock them.

The element of surprise is a powerful weapon.

Use your fake surrender as part of a bigger plan once you fool them into thinking you care. On the inside, you continue to stand your ground. But on the outside, you give in to their desires.

Doing so can give you time to quietly plan a countermeasure that will bring the bullies down. Smarts will always trump aggression every time!

However, understand that this takes a truckload of self-control. And, as mentioned earlier, you may feel like a wimp when you use this technique. Just remember this.

play dead to save your life.

You’re not giving the bullies what they want. You only look like you are. You’re only playing dead to save your life!

And, by faking your submission, you also allow yourself time to study your bullies and carefully plot your next moves.

And when the bullies are satisfied and lay off you, you’ll finally have room to make your countermove.

So, go ahead—fake your submission. Get close to your bullies and learn their ways. Give them no reason to react, nothing to prepare for, and no cause for resistance. Then, when the time is right, BAM!

They won’t know what hit them.

Any time you make it look as if you submit to your bullies, you’re only mocking them. It’s silent disdain – like expelling a silent fart in their direction. Only they don’t know they’ve been farted on.

You turn their own power against them, making them look like idiots. But they can’t retaliate because you did what they told you to do. Right?

How to Handle Bullying:

4. Don’t fall into the explaining trap

Most things don’t need an explanation. Yet bullies are good at getting you to explain yourself for things you don’t have to.

Worst of all, most victims of bullying don’t know how not to get sucked into needless explanations. Therefore, they end up wasting their breath on people who aren’t worthy of their time or consideration.

As a result, they end up making themselves even bigger targets and get stuck in endless cycles of having to explain their every move.

This can become exhausting and, not to mention, dis-empowering! Therefore, you must realize that this is just another bullying tactic.

Don’t be that victim. You don’t owe them a damn thing. Refuse to explain.

5. Calmly call them out.

In other words, if they try to manipulate you, call out their behavior. But do it calmly.

And, if your bullies ask you, “What did we do?” you don’t have to offer any long explanations. All you have to do is tell them shortly and firmly, “You know what you did.”

Then, walk away before the bullies have time to fire off another curveball. Say what you have to say, in as few words as possible, then turn your back and start walking.

Or, you can insult them by saying, “What are you? Five?” This is a great comeback. You’re not only refusing to allow those creeps to manipulate you. You’re also adding a touch of shame and humiliation to it.

How to Handle Bullying:

6. choose not to respond verbally.

In other words, only use body language to get your point across. All you have to do is eyeball your bullies while standing straight and tall with your neck lengthened.

Show your bullies through your eyes and body language that you won’t put up with their crap. Then, walk away.

Silence usually screams the loudest. Therefore, if you do this, I guarantee you that they’ll get your point loud and clear!

7. Look the bully in the eye.

A hard glare works wonders, especially in the early stages of bullying.

Again, look the bully in the eye. If that’s too difficult, then look the bully between the eyes. I found that when I looked my bully between the eyes, I was less intimidated.

So try this, and I bet you won’t be as intimidated either.

Moreover, make sure you have a stone face or mirror the look on the bully’s face. By doing this, you’ll look less like a victim.

Do this, and others will take you more seriously. And bullies may think twice about messing with you again.

How to Handle Bullying:

8. Use Confident Body Language.

Avoid submissive body language, such as slouching or hunching. Instead, stand up straight with your shoulders back.

Also, refrain from self-protective behaviors, such as crossing your arms or looking down. Use open body language and make good eye contact with people. Smile.

9. Mirror the bully’s body language.

Most seasoned bullies like to intimidate you with death glares. And, sadly, many victims don’t know how to respond to nonverbal bullying.

Therefore, the best response is always to mirror the bully’s expressions back at them. In other words, if someone gives you a death glare, give one back.

An eye for an eye.

10. Fight if you must.

If the bully gets in your face or hits you, the gloves are off! This is when it’s time to haul off and punch the bully in the face as hard as you can.

If possible, hit the jerk so hard that you put them on the floor, but don’t stop there.  This is your chance to give the bully a well-deserved ass-whipping! Beat them so bad that they won’t want to come near you a second time!

How to Handle Bullying:

11. Have a few comebacks handy. 

Verbal bullies love to run their mouths. And the last thing you should do is stay silent when someone is verbally insulting you. You must stand up to them.

Therefore, you must be ready to fire off a good one-liner. For instance, if a bully tells you that your clothes look like they came from the Salvation Army, you can say, “Oh, you shop there too?”

If the bully tells you, “Nobody likes you,” you can respond with, “Who’s nobody? You?” Or you say, “You’re nobody. So, you’re right.”

There are all kinds of witty comebacks you can use. The trick is to know what they are. But here’s the thing. When you use these comebacks, you must do it calmly. Add a smile, and it’s even better.

Calm and cool is the rule. You can find more good comebacks here.

This post was all about knowing how to handle bullying so that you can overcome it instead of continuing to live with it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Silent Treatment: Why Bullies Give It and What You Should Do

2. How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down  

3. How to Deal with Bullies: 7 Do’s and Don’ts You Need to Know

4. Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

5. Comebacks for Bullies: 12 Phrases that Shut Them Up 

reputation loop psychology

Reputation Loop: The 1 Thing that Keeps Bullying Victims Stuck

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Have you ever heard of the reputation loop? Here, you’ll learn what it is and how it negatively affects victims of bullying.

reputation loop

“Character is who you are. Reputation is who people think you are.” 

Many people have reputations that are largely undeserved. You have great people who have bad reputations due to lies, rumors, or honest mistakes. Then you have bad people with good reputations because they’re good at faking it.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn about the reputation loop and why it keeps you stuck if you’re a victim of bullying.

Once you learn all the crucial details, you will be able to call them out by name. In that, you will be better able to articulate what is happening to you and defend yourself.

This post is all about the reputation loop, so that you can put a name on this vicious cycle and explain it in an intelligible manner. Moreover, you will also be able to better defend yourself against it.

Reputation loop

First off, what is the reputation loop? It is a phenomenon fueled by confirmation bias; it is a vicious cycle that perpetuates negative judgment even long after the victim has grown and matured.

It’s true that people change as they get older. However, a bad reputation usually develops during high school. And sadly, that reputation can stick no matter what.

For example, a high school boy steals and is rightfully branded a thief. However, he grows into a man and stops stealing. He soon gets an honest job, gets married, and has children. And, from then on, he lives a good life.

He works hard and takes care of his family. Later, he starts his own business.

However, those who knew him in high school refuse to accept that he has turned over a new leaf. Therefore, they cling tightly to the belief that he is still a thief. Therefore, they still think it’s okay to bully him.

This is the reputation loop at work.

“The Fishbowl Effect”

Some schools, companies, and towns are rigid as hell. Moreover, they are cliquey. In these kinds of places, one mistake can define you for the rest of your life. And if you’re a victim of bullying, this is all the more true.

However, in another area, the same error may not be such a big deal. One place may value athletics, whereas another may value artistic creativity.

This is why many victims and survivors of bullying leave town once they’re out of school. They move away to start anew with a clean slate.

Why? Because in the new town, the victim of bullying has no history. Therefore, no one is keeping a tally of their mistakes.

It’s not that the victims changed; it’s that the rules did. Therefore, you can be an outcast in one place but find your friends in another. It’s what happened for me when I finally changed schools.

Reputation Loop:

Often, Social Standing isn’t about who you are.

In most cases, reputation has little to do with who you are as a person. It’s more about the environment you’re in. It’s about how your interests line up with the social hierarchy.

Therefore, again, the same person can be well-liked in one place and hated in another.

Confirmation bias.

Once everyone decides that you’re “the troublemaker,” “the mentally imbalanced one,” or whatever label they assign you, they’ll stop noticing any good or neutral behavior.

Instead, they will watch your every move, looking for any behaviors that prove them right about you.

For example, if you do something “good,” they’ll only assume you have ulterior motives. If you do something trivial, like accidentally spill a glass of milk, they’ll see it as you being disruptive.

In short, they only filter the real you through their pre-existing lens.

Not so Great Expectations.

If they expect you to be bad, they’ll find ways to show it. Even if they must twist everything. They may also take things out of context.

Reputation Loop:

The vicious cycle of a tarnished reputation.

Sadly, once you have a bad reputation, others who don’t know the real you will reinforce it. Why? Because once they label you, it will be much harder to change their minds.

People, especially bullies, don’t care about being fair. Instead, they want to be right about you, even if it is a lie. Therefore, they will only look for evidence that proves that the labels are true.

In this situation, they aren’t only watching you, they’re policing the perimeters of who they think you are. Once they put you in a category, they will push against any change.

Why? Because it threatens the social order and their place in it.

Therefore, expect bullies and their followers to fight your growth. Anytime you act “good,” you behave differently than what they expect. In other words, you deviate from the role they assigned you. So, they will try to provoke you just to suck you back into that role.

Social Signaling.

Your reputation becomes a social shield that others can use to reduce risks to their own reputations.

As the labels spread and quickly stick, more and more people will stay away from you. The reason they avoid you isn’t necessarily that they don’t like you. They do it to protect their own social standing.

These people may not be mean; they may be just scared.

They don’t want to be “guilty by association.” Birds of a feather flock together. Therefore, they will do what they have to do to prove to everyone else that they’re nothing like you.

Many of them may even bully you. Bystanders are notorious for joining bullies in mocking you. And they do it for no other reason than to keep you at the bottom of the pecking order.

Also, they do it to keep from becoming the next targets. If they can keep everyone picking on you, then they get to be left alone.

And some may be extra brutal to you, especially if an audience is watching. But what they’re really doing is flaunting their own status by stomping on yours.

Bullies at the top determine acceptable behavior for each person. Therefore, if you try to improve your life and rise above the abuse “without their approval,” they will bully you worse.

Why? Because they will see it as a challenge to their authority.

Reputation Loop:

People see you the way they want to see you.

People will actively resist any positive changes you make. Why? Because it threatens the narrative.

Therefore, if you aren’t careful, the label they assigned you may become a self-fulfilling prophecy. This is exactly what your bullies want.

‘You see? When you’re stuck in a reputation loop, others will see your maturity as a threat to the established pecking order. So, they work hard to turn you back into the old you they already recognize.

Why? Because the old you is the you they were benefiting from.

You become the scapegoat.

Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. And if people expect trouble to come from a particular place, then that’s where they’re going to look.

Therefore, if anything goes wrong, they will instinctively look at the person with the worst reputation. For instance, if a computer gets broken or someone’s purse gets stolen, they’ll point the finger at you.

It’s a low-risk tactic for them because everyone else automatically assumes you did it.

Reputation Loop:

If you aren’t careful, they may cause you to internalize the bullying.

This is what’s most dangerous. After you’ve been labeled for long enough, the noise moves from outside to inside your mind. The bullying gets so intense that the very air you breathe begins to feel toxic.

Often, the pressure of bullying causes victims to change how they see themselves. This is called “The Pygmalion Effect.” As a result, you may start behaving in ways that match their beliefs.

In other words, if people constantly treat you like you’re an evil person, you’ll likely give up trying to connect with anyone. And why not? It’s easy to do when all you get is rejection.

As a result, you begin to believe the script they write for you. You start thinking, “I must deserve the abuse. Otherwise, so many people wouldn’t have it in for me.” Therefore, you believe there’s something wrong with you rather than with the environment.

Instead of “they don’t understand me,” you start thinking, “I’m unlikable.”

You may start acting like a jerk because you feel you have nothing to lose.

You unconsciously match your behavior with everyone else’s perception of you. This is how you end up proving that they were right about you all along.

They will turn you into a person you no longer like or even recognize. In essence, bullies steal your identity.

So, what happens when this happens?

Reputation Loop:

You may begin masking.

So, what is masking? It is a survival mechanism where you change your personality just to make the bullying stop.

Many bullying victims hide their true selves just to survive. You may have tried to cover up your emotions. For example, you may laugh when you really want to cry.

Or, you may put on a fake smile to hide the pain. Why? Because you don’t want to give them the satisfaction of seeing that they’re hurting you.

However, masking may work, but only temporarily. The safety and acceptance you get will be short-lived. Then you will be back at square one. Also, it will slowly chip away at your identity until you don’t even recognize who you are.

Anytime you adopt a false persona as a defense strategy, you start to self-monitor. You waste time and energy monitoring your words and body language.

You rehearse responses and scan others for signs of contempt. Social interactions stop being fun and start being stressful.

When this happens, the human stress response goes into overdrive. Your central nervous system stays in constant high alert. This is okay in short bursts.

However, when you live in constant survival mode for an extended period, it will eventually lead to physical exhaustion. Moreover, you may suffer from headaches, nausea, vomiting, and sleep disruptions.

You may give up.

Or you may do the opposite of masking. You may decide that if people think you’re evil, then you might as well act like it.

“If they think I’m a bitch, then I’m going to be the biggest and meanest bitch they’ve ever met.”

Reputation Loop:

You may punish yourself for not living up to their standards.

By forcing yourself to be who they want you to be to avoid trouble, you stifle yourself. Also, you needlessly blame yourself. But realize that you aren’t the problem; the environment is.

Why? Because the environment feeds a culture of bullying and abuse.

You become Hyper-vigilant. 

You over-analyze every facial expression, every laugh, and every whisper. When someone is genuinely kind, you assume they have an ulterior motive. Therefore, you shut out people who would otherwise be true friends.

You mistake smiles for smirks. Instead of laughing with you, you think others are laughing at you. Someone may gaze at you because they think you’re attractive. However, you’ll think that they’re staring at you because they see a defect that you don’t see.

Moreover, you overthink every conversation long after it’s over.

How to Break the Reputation Loop.

The best way to end this vicious cycle is to leave the bullying environment. It’s the best thing you can ever do for yourself.

Moving to a new environment, whether it’s a new school or town, automatically breaks this cycle. You escape the pre-existing hatred. In the new place, you no longer need to fight the ghosts of the past.

Moreover, you realize that everything the people in the old environment told you was a lie. Then, the internalization of past bullying quickly fades.

Why? Because you realize that it was only a survival reaction to a toxic environment. It’s funny how much clearer things are once you are out of a bad situation.

Therefore, it’s much easier to relax and be yourself. As a result, your true colors have a chance to shine through. When you move away from a toxic environment, from the social signals that kept you trapped, you break those chains.

Reputation Loop:

In Conclusion:

The reputation loop keeps you stuck in a never-ending cycle of unfair labels, stigma, and abuse. It’s a hallmark of social bullying.

Once you’ve been a victim of a smear campaign, it’s almost impossible to turn it around.

You may actually be a person of strong character. But it won’t matter because your reputation will overshadow that.

You may mature and change the way you respond to bullying over time. However, others only ignore your progress and focus on the way you used to react.

Moreover, they may use different tactics to pull you back into old behaviors. Therefore, the best way to break this vicious cycle is to leave the environment.

Whether you decide to change schools, transfer to a different workplace, or move away, go somewhere you can feel safe.

Then you can escape the stigma, relax, and be yourself. Know that you deserve to live in peace. Therefore, do what you must.

This post was all about the reputation loop so that you will know when a situation is impossible and take steps to escape it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The Cycle of Bullying: Psychological Injuries and Care of Victims

2. Social Bullying Examples: 7 Reasons Bullies Destroy Relationships

3. Character vs Reputation: 4 Tactics Bullies Use to Smear You 

4. Smear Campaigns: 4 Tactics Bullies Use to Sully Your Reputation

5. Why do Bullies Get Away with Bullying? 15 Must-Know Answers

how to be brave against bullies at school

How to be Brave Against Bullies: 10 Countermoves You Can Use

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Want to know how to be brave against bullies? It’s easier than you think. Here are all the countermoves you can use to stand tall against bullies.

how to be brave against bullies

Bullying can be one of the most intimidating life experiences a person can go through. Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to be brave against bullies and emerge a winner.

Once you learn all these simple tactics, you will be able to stand against your bullies with the calm confidence you never knew you had.

This post is all about how to be brave against bullies so that you can overcome them and live your life in peace.

How to Be Brave Against Bullies

It’s difficult to stand against people who mean to hurt you. They may be much bigger than you. Or they may have more social capital. However, standing up to bullying is much easier than most of “the experts” admit.

However, most people don’t know it. Therefore, they spend so many years suffering silently while others torture and torment them daily. Why? Because they don’t think that they can do anything about it.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

I’m not an expert, and I have never claimed to be. However, I speak from personal experience, and experience is the best teacher in the world. I found out through trial and error that bullying is easy to stand up to if you know the right tactics.

And the good news is that there’s always something you can do. The trick is knowing this and knowing the right tactics to use in any given situation.

Therefore, here are simple techniques you can use to stand up to bullying and eventually overcome it.

1. Know where their behavior comes from.

How to be brave against bullies is to figure out why they are bullying you. In other words, one of the first steps is to know where their behavior comes from. Does it come from fear? Jealousy?

Most bullies bully you because they’re insecure. They behave the way they do to hide their fear and cover up their insecurities. In other words, they overcompensate for their shortcomings.

For example, maybe people like you. And your bully feels threatened by that. Or, maybe you have something that bullies see as a weakness. So, they exploit it to cover their own weaknesses.

Whatever their reasons, it’s crucial that you have this knowledge so your confidence doesn’t take such a big hit.

2. How to Be Brave Against Bullies:

Return any glares, sneers, and dirty looks.

Most seasoned bullies won’t come out and tell you anything. No. Instead, they may stand across the room from you and give you the death glare. Or they may silently threaten you by pounding their fist into the palm of their opposite hand.

Whatever gesture they use, you must realize why they do this. The bully is only trying to intimidate you, but they don’t want to risk being caught.

Therefore, the best way to handle this is to return the death glare. Don’t say anything to the bully. Just glare back at them.

When you do this, you show the bully that they don’t scare you. Then, you don’t look as weak to them. And, who knows, they just might look away and leave you alone.

3. Defend Yourself Against Physical Bullying.

If nothing else, know this. If a bully puts their hands on you, it is okay to hit them back. In fact, you have a right to do it.

Therefore, don’t be afraid to put up your dukes when someone hits, kicks, or shoves you. The experts may tell you not to hit back. They may tell you to handle it more maturely.

However, you can’t get through to a bully with politeness. You must respond with strength. In other words, you must impose consequences. Why? Because consequences are the only way to get bullies to back off.

4. How to Be Brave Against Bullies:

Stand up to verbal bullying with Short, Stinging Comebacks.

In many cases, it does no good to respond to verbal attacks with silence. Why? By saying nothing, you are only giving the bullies what they want. And what they want is for you not to say anything back.

Therefore, they will keep doing it.

Thankfully, there are witty comebacks you can use to shut these creeps down. For instance, here’s a scenario you might run into:

Bully: “Your clothes look like they came from the Salvation Army!”

You: “Oh, you shop there too?”

And say it calmly. Otherwise, it won’t have an effect.

This is a good comeback because you turn the bully’s insult against them. Therefore, they will be less likely to target you with words again.

 

Here are other Comebacks you can use.

  • “If I want to hear from an ass, I’ll fart.”
  • “You know? There are other ways to get attention besides being a moron.”
  • “You’re not a very happy person, are you?”

Go here or here for more good comebacks to keep in your mental arsenal.

5. How to Be Brave Against Bullies:

Refuse to Seek Approval.

There’s nothing brave about approval-seeking. If anything, it’s cowardice, stemming from the fear that others won’t like you. True Bravery means having the courage to walk alone.

When you try to get approval, you make yourself a slave. Therefore, you are more likely to be bullied. Why? Because when you seek approval, you do some self-demeaning things to get it.

It just isn’t worth it. Realize that you don’t need approval from some people. Therefore, have some self-respect. Never seek approval from anyone other than those who love you the most.

Not everyone is going to like you. It’s a fact of life. Therefore, be okay with being disliked. Embrace your bullies’ hatred. There is dignity in it.

6. Value only the opinions of people who love and care for you.

For opinions to affect you, they must hold weight. In other words, for bullies to insult you and make you feel bad, you must first value their opinions.

Most people rarely think of this. But the value you place on someone’s opinions depends on your relationship with them. Or, it should.

For example, you would value the opinions of your mother over those of your boss. Just the same, you value your best friend’s opinions over your bullies’.

Therefore, value only what the people who love and want the best for you think. What your bullies think doesn’t matter.

7. How to Be Brave Against Bullies:

Be Choosy Who You Associate With.

In other words, refuse to have anything to do with anyone who is toxic or petty. The friends you select should bring value to your life.

In other words, don’t select people who subtract from your life as friends. Only choose those who add to it.

8. Reframe Your Weaknesses as Strengths.

Reframing your weaknesses and flaws means choosing to see them in a positive light. Doing this can help you feel better about yourself. For example, Marilyn Monroe had a small mole above her mouth.

Some people might have made fun of that. But, instead of seeing it as something to be ashamed of, she called it a beauty mark and made it a part of her style. The mole became her trademark.

Therefore, sometimes, the thing others try to tease you about can be the thing that makes you unique.

9. How to Be Brave Against Bullies:

Remember that Your Bullies’ Behavior Says More about Them, Not You.

Always remember that the way your bullies treat you reflects on them, not you. If you keep this little nugget of truth in the back of your mind, you’re less likely to be affected by bullying.

Most bullies have no control over their own lives. Therefore, they will try to take control of yours. Bullies are cowards. They may fool others into thinking they’re brave and powerful. However, they only bully you to overcompensate for their own shortcomings.

Moreover, they may do it to distract others from their own flaws. If they can put the focus on you, then no one is paying attention to them. And they won’t notice their imperfections.

10. Accept yourself as you are. 

This is most important. Therefore, I saved this one for last. The sooner you embrace all your flaws, the sooner you will overcome bullies. Realize that we all have shortcomings, even bullies have them. Therefore, relax and be yourself.

In Conclusion

Being brave against bullying isn’t as hard as it seems. It’s easy as pie. Bravery isn’t only about physical strength; it’s also about mental resilience. It’s also about self-acceptance.

And now that you know all the steps to follow, I have no doubt that you will emerge as a winner. You will build your confidence and protect your self-esteem. And you will overcome bullying and begin living your life in peace.

This post was all about how to be brave against bullies so that you can keep your confidence when they attack you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullies are Cowards: Why Targets are the Brave Ones

2. Comebacks for Bullies: 12 Phrases that Shut Them Up

3. Opinions are Not Facts: 7 Reasons Those of Bullies Don’t Matter

4. How to Shut Down a Bully: 11 Comebacks that Stop Them Cold

stop explaining yourself to bullies

Stop Explaining Yourself: 9 Reasons Not to Explain to Bullies

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Want to know why you should stop explaining yourself to bullies? Here are all the reasons you need to stop doing it right now.

stop explaining yourself

Explaining yourself all the time subtracts from your value. You don’t need others’ understanding. It’s that some don’t understand, it’s that they don’t want to understand. And if someone doesn’t want to understand, no amount of explaining will ever be enough.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn to stop explaining yourself to bullies so you can reclaim your self-respect and your life.

Once you learn all the reasons why you should never reduce yourself like that, it will compel you to only provide brief answers rather than long, drawn-out ones.

This post gives you all the reasons to stop explaining yourself now and not later. That way, you’ll only provide short answers in fewer words and take back your dignity.

Stop Explaining Yourself

Explaining yourself only makes you look too submissive. Bullies notice this from a mile away and don’t think they won’t exploit it. Here are all the reasons to reserve the explanations for those who are worthy of them.

1. It’s a trap.

Abusers will often try to trick you into giving them needless explanations. This is a trap because, no matter how much you explain things to them, they will only pretend not to get it.

And why not? These people want to hurt you. They have no goodwill toward you. Therefore, they’ll never accept anything you have to say.

You must recognize that those who are toxic do this intentionally. One reason they challenge your explanations is to prompt you to provide more. Why? To throw you off-balance and keep you interacting with them.

Another reason they do this is to gather information they can use against you later.

Again, bullies really don’t need an explanation from you. In fact, they don’t even want one. They only pretend to want it.

Therefore, it’s a trap. And you only waste your time and energy trying.

2. Stop Explaining Yourself:

You don’t owe them anything.

Ask yourself this question. Who the hell are they that you need to explain anything to? Realize that you owe nothing to anyone who abuses you.

They have no bearing on your life. They don’t pay your bills, they don’t sign your paychecks, and they aren’t your spouse or parents. Therefore, they have no say over any part of your life.

So, the next time they demand an explanation, tell them to get stuffed and walk away. They aren’t worth your time.

3. Bullies don’t care what your reasons are.

Again, when you try to explain yourself, bullies will only pretend not to get it. Moreover, they’ll twist your logical explanation and make it look like you’re just making excuses.

For example, when you stand up for yourself, they will accuse you of being rude and disrespectful. However, realize that they will only do this to gaslight you and make you feel guilty for defending yourself.

Don’t fall for it. Simply call out their gaslighting and tell them to step off. Or,  you could just put your hand up and walk away.

Nevertheless, stop trying so hard to convince them. And this includes those who claim to be your friends. Let everyone else believe what they want, then let that help you decide who you should cut out of your life for good.

4. Stop Explaining Yourself:

Your bullies are already sure you’re innocent of their accusations.

What if they are accusing you of something?

Anytime bullies accuse you of wrongdoing that you know nothing about, they’re doing it to make a big show. Have you noticed that toxic people usually loudly accuse you of something in front of an audience?

Again, these creeps already figure that you’re innocent. Moreover, they are fully aware that you had nothing to do with the transgression they accuse you of.

They’re only doing this to get you to react.

5. They do it for power.

Keeping you explaining is one way they get their power. And why would they stop? You’ve probably been giving them that rush of power all along. And your bullies are addicted to it.

Bullies get their kicks by watching you stutter and stammer, trying to come up with a convincing explanation. Therefore, stop giving them free entertainment.

Remember that power rushes always wear off quickly. Therefore, they will only crave another rush soon and come back for more. Power is something bullies can’t get enough of.

6. Stop Explaining Yourself:

It’s a waste of your precious energy.

Explaining yourself to those who abuse you is exhausting. Moreover, it’s a waste of time because people will believe what they want. Not everyone needs to hear your side of the story. Therefore, be okay with that.

Besides, even if you produce evidence to prove your point, you will have to work to gather that evidence.

Therefore, do you really want to work that hard all your life? Isn’t it time that you said, “f*ck ’em” and walked away?

Realize that some people aren’t good for you. They’re exhausting to be around and suck the energy right out of you. Give these creeps the middle finger and walk away.

I promise you’ll be glad you did.

7. Stop Explaining Yourself:

You don’t have to prove a damn thing to anyone, especially those who mistreat you.

If nothing else, know this. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Why should you care what they think? Let them think whatever they want.

Ask yourself these questions:

  • “Who are these morons?
  • “Who are they that I should have to explain anything?”
  • “Are they even up to my level?”
  • “Do they bring anything positive and worthwhile to my life?”

Once you ask these questions, the answer will be crystal clear. Moreover, you’ll realize that you don’t owe these creeps a damn thing!

Bullies can be intimidating and threatening, I grant you that. It’s hard to resist an explanation when you’re scared to death.

In other words, it’s difficult not to begin rattling off in nervousness when you just want them to go away and leave you alone. However, trust me, they won’t! Remember, bullies and abusers always come back for more!

Additionally, all the explaining in the world won’t make things better. If anything, the harassment will only get worse because your reaction will only make you an even bigger and easier target.

Some people just aren’t worthy of your explanations. They aren’t worth the effort. So, stop. Just stop already!

8. Stop Explaining Yourself:

You make yourself look pathetic.

When you constantly explain yourself, you make yourself look like a simp. You appear as if you’re crawling up behind people who couldn’t care less.

Moreover, others will notice, and they won’t respect you. It’s funny how contagious bullying and abuse can be. When others see bullies run over you, soon, they will start doing it too.

Therefore, it’s crucial that you start explaining yourself to others. It won’t be easy. However, it will be worth it!

9. It puts you in a position of weakness and inferiority.

Many victims of bullying over-explain because they have an inferiority complex. And why not? Once you’ve suffered years of relentless bullying, it has ways of conditioning you to think that you are less than.

In a world full of human predators, the last thing you want is to appear weak. If you do, bullies will eat you alive.

When you explain, you signal inferiority. You also convey weakness. In other words, you place yourself in a position of lesser power. And you give someone else something that they have no right to – authority over you!

Therefore, you make yourself an even bigger target to those who use and abuse. Therefore, reserve your explanation for those who are truly worthy of it.

Stop Explaining Yourself:

You must stop caring what other people think.

Stop concerning yourself with others’ opinions. Explaining doesn’t work with bullies. And you don’t have to. Its the first step in getting on the explaining hamster wheel.

Moreover, you reclaim your freedom and autonomy. When you don’t feel the need to explain anything to anyone, it’s freedom unlike anything you’ve ever experienced.

You can freely be yourself, make your own decisions, and live life on your terms. Therefore, you experience freedom as you’ve never known.

Get off the hamster wheel. Doing this may seem awkward at first, and you may feel like a heel. Moreover, bullies and others may notice the change and try to make you feel guilty for it.

However, the reason they push back is that they have benefited from your explanations. And they don’t want those benefits to stop.

Therefore, you must expect this and double down. Eventually, they’ll give up.

This post provided all the reasons you should stop explaining yourself so that you can speak from a position of strength and take back your power.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The Explaining Trap: 3 Reasons Bullies Set It and How to Respond

2.  What Doesn’t Work with Bullies: 10 Reactions to Stop Right Now

3. You Don’t Have to Explain Yourself: 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t

4. How to Stop Over-Explaining: 9 Powerful Mind-Hacks You Can Use

5. People with Negative Energy: How to Protect Yourself from Them

Bullying in schools research

Bullying in Schools: What Every Parent Should Know

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Bullying in schools continues to climb at an alarming rate and anti-bullying policies are only pieces of paper. Want to know the best ways to protect your child against bullying. Listed below are 3 most effective ways you can do so.

bullying in schools

When people target you for bullying, it can alter your life in so many negative ways. If you are anything like I was when my son went through a stint of bullying during middle school, you’re probably wondering what you can do to help your child.

As a former victim of bullying myself and parent of a child who was once targeted, I am giving you the best ways you can help them overcome.

You are going to learn about bullying in schools and all the best ways to assist your child during what will probably be the worst time of their school career

After learning about all these measures, you are going to be able to help your them take back their personal power and free themselves from the abuse once and for all.

This post is not only about bullying in schools but also about the best remedies every parent should know.

Bullying in Schools

“How can I help my child who is being bullied in school?”

Bullying in schools is at an all-time high, affecting millions of innocent children. Unfortunately, many parents are unsure what to do about it. Even worse, some parents don’t really learn what to do until it’s too late.

Therefore, if you suspect your child is being bullied in school, here’s what you can do.

1. Recognize the warning signs.

Chances are, they won’t tell you if they’re being bullied. Fortunately, there will be signs if it happens.

Therefore, you must know what to look for so that you can be there for your child. Then you can help them before they suffer any real damage. Here’s a list of the warning signs your kid is bullied at school.

Unexplained Injuries.

You will notice unexplained bruises, scratches, and marks on their face and body. Your kid may also come home from school with torn clothing.

Additionally, their belongings may be destroyed. For example, if your kid wears eyeglasses, they may be broken. Or they may bring home a torn backpack.

Bullying in Schools:

Plummeting Grades.

Bullying throws victims into survival mode. And it’s difficult to learn when you’re constantly having to watch your back. Why? Instead of concentrating on schoolwork, you’re focused on trying to stay safe.

Who can learn when they’re on high alert? Therefore, your kid’s class performance and grades will decline.

For example, a child who is normally a straight-A student will begin making Cs and Ds. If you notice these things, it’s time to find out why.

Pretending to be sick to avoid going to school.

Loss of interest in school is a huge sign. If your kid once enjoyed school, but then starts feigning illness to stay home, that’s not normal.

It’s important that you get to the bottom of this quickly.

Changes in mood.

If your kid was once happy and is now feeling sad, anxious, and depressed, that’s a red flag. You would be surprised at how quickly bullying can take the joy out of life.

Therefore, it’s on you to find out what the problem is.

Bullying in Schools:

Changes in eating habits.

When a kid is bullied at school, they may overeat for comfort. Or, they may not eat enough to retain some sense of control.

Loss of Sleep.

Bullying causes anxiety. Anxiety can make it hard to sleep at night. Therefore, if your child wakes up tired, ask questions.

Social Withdrawal.

Many bullied kids withdraw from others because they’re afraid of history repeating itself.  Meeting people, especially new ones, can be paralyzing. I can relate because I’ve been there.

When a child is bullied, everyone they know has rejected them. And they don’t feel they can take another chance of it happening again.

Therefore, you must teach them to never be afraid to meet new people. Tell them that every stranger they meet is an opportunity to make a friend.

Why? Because other kids who are total strangers are the best people for them to meet and establish connections with.

They make the best potentials because there’s no history with them. They don’t know your son or daughter from the bullying environment. So, they aren’t a target to them and are unlikely to become one.

With kids they’ve never met, they can begin with a clean slate. They have opportunities to put their best foot forward and start anew.

Teach them these things, and your children will thank you for it someday.

2. Bullying in Schools:

Encourage them to talk to you.

Most bullied children will not tell you when they’re being bullied at school. Why? Because many of them are afraid to tell you. There is a degree of shame that comes with bullying.

And bullied kids feel like total wusses. Moreover, they fear making things worse. Bullied kids feel that if they talk about it, others will label them a snitch, and the bully will hurt them worse.

They believe it’s much safer to remain silent. Therefore, you must lovingly encourage them to tell you what is happening. Tell them that you will stand by them, no matter what.

3. Never tell your child to “just ignore it.”

The worst advice you can give your kid is to tell them to ignore the bullying. Why? Because school bullies mistake ignoring them for fear.

Bullying thrives on fear. Therefore, they will only keep bullying your child. The best approach is to teach them to respond confidently.

For instance, your child can respond calmly with a good burn. Here’s a good scenario:

Bully: “Your clothes look like you got them from the Salvation Army.”

Your Child: “Oh, you shop there too, huh?”

4. Bullying in Schools:

Give your child Opportunities to make friends outside the bullying environment.

Many bullied kids have few friends or none at all. There are several ways you can give your kid opportunities to make friends.

Enroll them in a martial arts class.

Not only will it teach them how to handle bullies, but it will also give them opportunities to make friends. As a result, their confidence will skyrocket!

Chances are that these kids may not know yours from school. Therefore, these MA students will be great opportunities for friendship. They will help buffer your child’s self-esteem against bullying at school.

Encourage them to join a group at church.

Church groups also offer opportunities to make friends. Therefore, if you attend church, encourage your baby to participate in the youth groups there.

Bullying in Schools:

Have them join a scout troop.

Girl Scouts or Boy Scouts offer wonderful opportunities for friendship. I was in the Girl Scouts, and let me tell you! It made all the difference!

I made friends and attended camp for two weeks during the summer. Moreover, I learned so many good life skills. Scouting will teach your child many survival skills.

These are memories I’ll cherish for the rest of my life. And it will be the same for your child.

5. Listen to them.

When your kid decides they need to talk, listen without judging. Moreover, reassure them that the bullying is not their fault.

Then encourage them to report it. And tell them that it’s okay to defend themself.

6. Bullying in Schools:

Document it.

Encourage your child to write down every bullying incident in detail. Teach them to use the 5W method (what, who, when, where, why). It’s how they can tell their story and make others believe it.

Here’s a breakdown of the 5W method.

1. What

Record in your journal what happened. When you write about it, describe the incident exactly as it unfolded. Include what was said and by whom.

2. Who

Identify the bullies by writing down their full names. Also, include the names of any bystanders and witnesses.

If any teachers are present, add their names. They may not want to provide any testimonies. They may also deny seeing the bullying. Schools tend to ignore bullying.

However, if you document correctly, you will expose them for the liars and cowards they are.

3. Bullying in Schools:

When

Record the date and exact time of the incident. Very important!

4. Where

 You must specify where the incident occurred (school locker room, gym, bathroom, parking lot, etc.).

5. Why

Write down why it happened. For example, was the bully retaliating because you had previously reported harassment? Write down every detail!

If you don’t know why it happened, write that down. Additionally, if needed, describe how the incident occurred. It’s your responsibility to ensure your child documents everything.

At the same time, stay in touch with the school through email. And save any emails and letters sent from the school. This is how you keep a paper tail. Keeping detailed records is the best way to gather evidence of bullying.

Too many learn this the hard way. And I don’t want you to be one of them.

The purpose of this post is to educate parents about bullying in schools and how they can help their child so they can protect their mental health.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Encouraging Words for Bullying: You Can Overcome!

2. Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing  

3. Bullying Evidence: 5 Smart Ways to Get Evidence of Bullying 

4. Bullying Story: Endurance, Survival, and the Will to Overcome

good roasts for bullies at school

Good Roasts for Bullies: 25 Comebacks that Shut Them Up.

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rreWant to know some good roasts for bullies? Here are a few witticisms you can keep in your back pocket just in case a bully tries to get cute.

good roasts for bulliesBullies thrive on power and control. They use smart-alecky comments to control how you feel about yourself and how others see you.

If you don’t have the right comebacks to push back, they will escalate. Even worse, your self-esteem will take a beating.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn good roasts for bullies so you can come back strong and confident.

Once you learn all about these effective responses, you will keep your confidence intact. And, best of all, your bullies will probably go away and find another target.

This post provides a list of good roasts for bullies so you can respond effectively and protect your mental health.

Good Roasts for Bullies

Bullies love to control you through digs and zingers. Also, they’ll repeat the same worn-out tropes to make you believe it too.

Here’s what they’re most likely to say and what you can come back with:

Scenario 1.

Bullies: “Apart from our approval, you can do nothing, you are nothing, and you never will be.”

You: “Apart from your approval, I’m better off. I can do and be anything I want to be.”

Scenario 2.

Bullies: “You’ll never find happiness (without our permission).”

You: “I don’t need your permission to be happy. I create my own happiness.”

Or you can say,“Really? Why’s that? Because you never found any?”   

Good Roasts for Bullies:

Scenario 3.

Bullies: “Nobody will ever like you.”

You: “Maybe you never will. But I don’t care.”

Or you can say:  “Really? Who’s ‘nobody’? You?”

Scenario 4.

Bullies: “You’re nothing without our approval.”

You: “I’m nothing with it because you are nothing.”

Good Roasts for Bullies:

always counter the bully. 

Always counter a bully’s statements. Never stay silent. Why? If you stay quiet, the bully will escalate.

respond calmly.

There’s one thing you should know right now. This is very important. Your counterstatements won’t work unless you say them calmly. Therefore, never respond emotionally to a bully.

Use as few words as possible.

Victims of bullying tend to over-talk when they respond to a bully’s verbal insults. Therefore, don’t waste your breath. Remember that bullies want to keep you interacting with them. Don’t give them what they want.

One-liners are always best when dealing with verbal bullies. One sentence, no explanations, then walk away. That’s it.

You’ll be surprised at what it will do for your self-esteem and your spirit!

Good Roasts for Bullies:

Universal comebacks.

There are responses you can use for everything your bullies throw at you. These are usually deadpan responses

5. “Whatever.”

 This is one you can use in almost any verbal situation. This little one-word wonder is the reply of the ages! It’s short and sweet. It’s the perfect blow-off to any bully.

Let’s face it, being blown off with this magic word is a real pisser-offer to every bully. Why? Because they’re looking for a big reaction from you. Therefore, any time you calmly respond with this, it sends the message to the bully that they don’t insult you; they bore you. Ouch!

Another reason this little beauty of a word infuriates bullies so much is that it’s impossible to counter.  It stops them dead in their tracks and leaves them looking foolish.

Bullies may verbally retaliate with a “whatever” of their own. However, it will only make them look unoriginal. Additionally, the bully will also look childish and corny while you look calm and cool.

Therefore, the trick with this little one-word bomb is to draw first blood. In other words, he who says it first automatically wins the day!

6. Good Roasts for Bullies:

“If you say so.”

Again, bullies want you to react emotionally. With this answer, you roast them without giving them what they want. Moreover,  you tell the bully that they aren’t worth the energy. Therefore, you take the wind out of their sails.

They expected a huge emotional reaction, and you didn’t give them that. So, they end up disappointed.

7. “That’s your opinion.”

With this response, you’re sending the message that you don’t care what the bully thinks of you. You’re saying that their opinions don’t matter and they don’t affect you. Therefore, they can’t make you feel bad about yourself.

8. “Try Harder.”

This response is short but deadly. Also, it’s served icy cold. When you answer with this, you tell the bully that their insult had no effect on you. It’s like telling a male physical bully that they hit like a girl.

Bullies want maximum effect on your self-esteem. And when they don’t get it, it deflates their ego like a popped balloon.

9. Good Roasts for Bullies:

“And… ?”

When you respond like this, you’re basically telling the bully to keep talking. Moreover, you tell them that their words don’t hurt your feelings at all. Therefore, your bully realizes that they’re only wasting their time with you.

And they’ll likely leave you alone because you’re not such an easy target.

10. “Please. Keep Going.”

This response shocks most bullies. Why?

11. “Nice try.”

“Nice try” is a good answer because it lets the bully know that their insult didn’t land. Therefore, you appear calm and cool while your bully looks like a moron.

The fewer words you say, the better. Why? Because when you speak minimally, you send the message to the bully that they aren’t worth arguing with. And that really pisses them off.

And the best part is that you can use these little firecrackers for anything the bully hurls at you. You can say it, then walk away.

Therefore, keep these in your back pocket for later use.

12. Good Roasts for Bullies:

“You sound obsessed.”

This little roast is perfect when an audience is present. Instead of responding emotionally, you coolly imply that they behave the way they do because they secretly like you. And really, bullies do have a twisted obsession with their victims.

So, why not point that out in an intelligent way? It will embarrass the bully and make them not want to mess with you again.

Good Roasts for Bullies:

Comebacks that bite

Here are a few replies with more sting.

13. “If ignorance is bliss, you must be the most blissful person in the world.”

With this little jewel, you’re clearly pointing out the bully’s stupidity. Most bullying comes from ignorance. This is even better when you use it in public.

14. “If bullshit wore a bra, you’d be top-heavy.”

This is a good response to use when dealing with female bullies. With this, you point out that the bully is full of it. And you do it with a dash of humor.

With a male bully, you could say, “If bullshit wore a jock-strap, you’d be well endowed.”

Good Roasts for bullies:

Insulting Counter-Jabs

15. If I want to hear from an ass, I’ll fart.

This one isn’t as classy, I’ll admit. However, you can use this one with a bully who is openly obnoxious. Here are a few others you can use for bullies who are loud.

16. Were you born a jackass or did you have to work at it?

This is self-explanatory.

17. Good Roasts for Bullies:

Take a break. You don’t have to be a moron every day of your life.

With the comebacks above, you are insulting the bully’s intelligence. Making someone out to be an idiot is worse than yelling and cursing them out.

18. Boneheads like you are the reason abortion is legal.

Not only are you calling the bully an idiot, but you’re also sending the message that the world would be a better place if they weren’t around. Therefore, this is a two-in-one.

Good Roasts for Bullies:

Comebacks that weaponize your bully’s emotions.

19. “You mad? Fix your face, sweetie.”

This one’s for the bully who gives you dirty looks. This response is a gem because, instead of allowing them to intimidate you, you use it to ridicule them.

Also, it highlights your bully’s anger. And you get to take their outrage and rub their noses in it. Now, who doesn’t love that?

Therefore, put these in your toolbox, because with them, you can’t go wrong! Just remember the rules for these stingers. Say them calmly and coolly.

Then watch your bullies’ reactions. Smile as they search and stumble to find a response without repeating you and looking utterly ridiculous.

You will throw your bullies off balance! Most importantly, you preserve your own sanity by refusing to argue with them. In that way, you buffer your self-esteem and maintain your confidence.

They may not stop talking. They may even repeat themselves. However, you countered their attacks intelligently. You didn’t take it lying down. So, you dealt a blow, and that’s what matters.

20. “You’re not a happy person, are you?”

Roast your bullies with this, and you imply that they only come after you because they’re miserable. You also indicate that the only way they can feel better about themselves is to make someone else feel bad.

When you come back with this, you’re letting the bully and everyone else within earshot know that they’re a miserable human being. Ouch!

Pointing out their misery can humiliate them, especially if an audience is present.

Good Roasts for bullies:

Counter-Jabs that Call out their behavior.

There are also stinging replies you can use to point out your bullies’ behavior. Here are a few of them.

21. Are you so miserable that you have to put someone else down to feel better about yourself?

By saying this, you’re not only calling out their behavior, but you’re also exposing the bully as the pathetic loser they are. Anyone who must berate others to feel powerful can’t be about much.

Therefore, you instill some shame into the bullies, and they’ll likely decide that you aren’t the one they want to tangle with.

22. You can’t insult me. I’d have to care about your opinions first.

With this little gem, you’re telling your bullies that they’re wasting their breath on you. And if you’re a bully, it’s nowhere near as fun to take pot shots at someone who doesn’t give a damn what you think.

Therefore, they’ll decide that you aren’t worth the energy and find an easier target.

23. Good Roasts for Bullies:

Why are you so obsessed with me? That’s creepy, and I don’t like you that way.

This is a great clap-back because you’re humiliating the bullies by highlighting their obsession with you. Also, you’re making it appear to bystanders as though they are romantically interested in you, but don’t know how else to get your attention.

Therefore, if you want to humiliate your bully, use this.

24. You must bully people to compensate for your shoe size.

The most effective jab is to reframe the bully’s behavior as a response to a shortcoming.  When you do it this way, you can reduce the bully’s power.

And the best part is that you make them look foolish in front of an audience.

25. Good Roasts for Bullies:

You need to stop outing yourself.

This is a good one because you make it seem to others as if your bullies are projecting their issues onto you. And, in most cases of bullying, they are.

Bonus: More Comebacks for bullies.

For example, your bully may ask you, “‘You want to fight me?”  Then, you can say, “I would but shit splatters.”

If your bully tells you to get a life, you say, “Like yours? Nah. I’ll pass.”

If the bully tells you that you’re an arrogant jerk, you could say, “That’s a compliment coming from you.”

And, if the bully tells you that your shirt looks like it’s from the Salvation Army, you could come back with, “Oh, you shop there, too, huh?”

If a bully flips you off, you could say, “Behind every bird is a pile of shit.”

The possibilities are endless. There are millions of good counter-jabs you can use to shut bullies down. However, the trick is to memorize them and know them by heart.

Good Roasts for Bullies:

In Closing:

I can’t stress this enough. Remember to come back calmly and with as few words as possible. These replies aren’t as effective if you don’t use them calmly.

Also, the fewer words you use, the better! When you use these comebacks, walk away. Say no more. The fewer words you use, the more it disappoints your bullies.

Why? Because it sends them the message that they bore you. And that’s a buzzkill to bullies.

If you’re a target of bullying, I cannot stress how important it is for you to memorize these zingers. Moreover, you must be quick! You must be able to think on your feet!

When you respond correctly, you throw your bullies off balance. Moreover, you infuriate them so much that they won’t be able to think straight. They will probably react out of emotion. And when they do that, they will only expose themselves.

You can also use some of these against gaslighters. They even work with some cases of subtle bullying. And it will instantly boost your self-esteem. It will save your mental health from any damage that verbal bullying can cause.

Once you learn how to disarm bullies, you will throw them for a loop and discourage them from ever coming for you again.

This post gives you a list of good roasts for bullies so that you can counter bullying calmly and confidently.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Comebacks for Bullies: 12 Phrases that Shut Them Up

2.  How to Shut Down a Bully: 11 Comebacks that Stop Them Cold

3. How to Disarm a Bully: 13 Clever Comebacks that Work Wonders

4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

5. How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

6. Examples of Subtle Bullying: 6 Powerful Ways to Read Between the Lines

selective outrage examples psychology

Selective Outrage Examples: Here’s What it Looks Like

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Still don’t understand exactly what selective outrage looks like? Here are several selective outrage examples to make it easier for you to know the context of it, so that you won’t doubt it when you see it.

selective outrage examples

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Selective outrage is a form of conditioning. It is used strictly for control. And bullies use it all the time to keep their victims under their thumb.

Therefore, in this post, you will discover several selective outrage examples so that you will know, without a doubt, what it looks like.

Once you realize how it looks in real life, you will be able to call it out when you see it. You will also be able to protect yourself from hypocrisy and double standards.

This post will give you several selective outrage examples so that you can defend yourself if bullies try to single you out for behavior others get away with.

Selective Outrage Examples

As mentioned earlier, selective outrage is a form of psychological and behavioral control. Also, it is hypocrisy. People in power use it to praise one person or group and punish another. So, what are examples of this biased anger? Here they are.

1. You’re a girl who’s in a Genuine Love Relationship.

For example, you’re a girl, and others learn that you’re in a monogamous romantic relationship. You and this young man have been seeing each other for nearly a year.

Moreover, you aren’t only dating; you’re having sex every weekend.

If you’re the target of bullying, they label you a “whore.” Your boyfriend must be with you to get into your pants. And it’s only a matter of time until he gets tired of you and dumps you for someone better.

Therefore, everyone uses your lack of celibacy as an opportunity to persecute you.

On the other hand, what if it’s another girl, particularly one who isn’t a target of bullying? She isn’t necessarily a member of the popular crowd. She just isn’t bullied like you are. She’s just an average Jane who blends in well.

As long as she isn’t you, she’s only a girl in love. She and her boyfriend are only experimenting. They’re exploring the sexual terrain. Others only see it as “being in love.”

Therefore, because she’s not you, everyone cuts her some slack. They don’t say anything about it. Or, they congratulate her for reaching the milestone of finding love and losing her virginity.

In short, because they hate you, they resent that you have someone who loves you. So, they want to punish you for it.

Selective Outrage Examples:

2. You like to party, and you and your buddies were caught Drinking at a kegger.

You’re a boy in school who goes out, drinks, and does drugs on the weekends.

If you’re a target of bullying, people will label you a worthless drunk. Also, they’ll say that you’re a wildcard. And they won’t let you live it down.

However, if you’re anyone else, people only say that you’re a hell-raiser! You’re only doing what most teenage boys do. Therefore, others dismiss it as you being one of those rowdy kids from high school.

3. You’re a girl in high school, AND YOU’VE RECENTLY DISCOVERED that you’re Pregnant.

You’re a girl in high school, and you discover that you’re pregnant.

If you’re a victim of bullying, people call you a cheap little slut. Moreover, they won’t be surprised you’re “knocked up.” And they’ll shun you like Hester Prynne in Nathaniel Hawthorne’s “The Scarlet Letter.”

Everyone judges you harshly. They will make predictions. They’ll swear that you and your baby will live on welfare and leech from society.

Also, they’ll predict that they and everyone else will have to support you with their tax dollars. Why? Because you’re a sorry excuse for a human being.

Another thing they might do is predict that you’ll be an unfit mother. In other words, they’ll attack your parenting skills before you get a chance to use them.

However, if you’re anyone else, they’ll say that you’re just a good girl who made a bad mistake. Therefore, everyone will reach out to you and extend compassion.

They may throw you a baby shower and celebrate the occasion. Do you see where I’m going with this? These double standards are firmly put in place to keep a select few down and oppressed.

Therefore, if you find yourself in this situation, stand up to them. The best way to do it is to tell them to eff all the way off.

Selective Outrage Examples:

4. You’re involved in a school fight because you decided to start defending yourself against physical bullying.

No one said a word all those years your bullies were pounding your face in. In fact, some even cheered it on. However, all of a sudden, it’s a problem the moment you begin fighting back.

In other words, if your bully kicks your ass, everyone approves. But when you finally kick theirs, everyone is surprised… and outraged!

“How dare you!”

Another thing they may do is ask you what you could’ve done to avoid being bullied.

School staff and workplace managers are so guilty of this. In many cases, they ask you, “What do you think you could’ve done to prevent John from cursing you out?”

If nothing else, understand this right now! When they ask you questions like these, they’re trying to put it off on you. Don’t let them do it!

Call them out on it. Let them know that you see through that statement. Tell them you won’t accept blame for anyone else’s deplorable behavior. And when you say it, mean it.

Selective Outrage Examples:

Thirdly, they may shift everyone’s focus from the bullies’ actions to your reactions.

Anytime you call attention to their disgusting behavior, your bullies try to distract others’ attention to the way you reacted to it. And they do this to make you ashamed of defending yourself.

Moreover, they want you to doubt your own judgment. Bullying thrives on secrecy. Therefore, bullies point out your reaction, hoping that witnesses will blame you. They also hope that you’ll shut your mouth.

5. You speak out when a bully verbally abuses you.

When everyone else speaks out, they’re being assertive. They’re expressing their right not to be abused.

But when you do it, you’re being rude and disrespectful. Or, people may tell you that you’re “too sensitive.”

Whatever their response may be, they’re singling you out for things others get away with. Therefore, you must call them on it, no matter what they may try to shut you down.

Selective Outrage Examples:

6. Sometimes you like to act a little silly to have fun.

Sometimes you just need to let loose and have fun. There’s nothing wrong with that. And it isn’t something to be ashamed of.

When others cut up and act silly, they’re only horsing around and having fun. That sounds fair enough. However, it suddenly bothers people when you do it.

Instead of having fun, they accuse you of being annoying or acting foolish. If nothing else, know this. It isn’t your behavior they take issue with. It’s who you are.

But understand the hidden context here. These people hate you. And the last thing they want is to see you having fun.

So, why not keep pissing them off? Keep having fun, and to hell with what they say about it.

7. You’re friendly to strangers.

Here’s another example. A new kid comes to school. When others are friendly toward them, they’re doing just that – being friendly. However, when you do it, you’re sucking up.

Others make derogatory statements to shame you into shrinking yourself. They try to get you to stop being friendly to the person.

Understand that this is a targeted attack. When it looks like you’re about to make a friend, bullies and everyone else will feel threatened. Why?

Because if you succeed in making a friend, it will challenge the narrative. What narrative? You may ask. The narrative that you’re undesirable – that you’re a bad person.

Therefore, they will do whatever it takes to keep you from proving them wrong.

Selective Outrage Examples:

8. You offer help when you see someone struggling.

When anyone else offers help, it is genuine, and they only want to assist another human being.  But when you do it, others, especially bullies, will accuse you of trying to score brownie points.

Here are a few names they may call you.

  • Ass-kisser
  • Brown nose
  • Suckup
  • Simp

Again, understand why bullies do this. It’s because they hate you with a passion. And, secretly, they can’t stand the thought of you making a friend.

Friends become allies. And you having allies threatens the power your bullies hold over you. Therefore, they’ll do anything to keep you friendless.

The best thing for you to do is tell them to piss off and mind their own damn business.

9. You’re a girl, and you like to wear tight jeans.

You’re a thin girl with a good body. You know it, and you’re confident with it. So, why not show off your curves with tight-fitting jeans?

Therefore, you confidently rock those denims. Your bullies see you. And they attack your confidence by ridiculing you and telling you that you look like a desperate slut.

But see it for what it means. Bullies despise any confidence in their victims. Why? Again, it threatens their power. So, what do they do? They try to knock you down a peg or two.

Don’t let them do it. Continue to rock those jeans. Know that you look good no matter what they say.

Selective Outrage Examples:

10. You love to dress up for school.

You like to dress up for school because it makes you feel good. Therefore, you confidently rock your outfits. Your bullies notice and accuse you of showing off to get attention.

You must understand what’s up with them. They’re probably jealous of your clothes. Or, your confidence threatens their power.

So, don’t let them cause you to dress down. They’ll only find something else to say.

11. You’re on the football team, and you score a touchdown.

You’re being bullied, and you’re on the football team. You’ve been practicing harder, and it pays off. You score a touchdown.

Anyone else would get cheers and compliments. However, they only ridicule you. Others claim that you’re trying to show off. Or, they may say you just got lucky.

This should only make you feel better. Their reactions only prove their frustration. Therefore, keep practicing and getting better.

Selective Outrage Examples:

12. You score 94 – 100 on a big test.

You take a big test and score an A. If you were anyone else, they wouldn’t say anything. Or, maybe they’d praise you for being smart. However, you’re you. So they only accuse you of trying to impress the teacher.

Don’t let this slow you down. Keep making these good grades, and to hell with what they say about it.

13. Ignoring everyone else’s missteps but being quick to point out yours.

Anyone else can make a mistake, and they’re only human. But God forbid you make one. When you’re bullies. Others get leeway. But when you make a mistake, they make a big deal out of it.

Don’t let it get to you. Realize that we all goof every now and again. Instead of regretting the mistake, learn from it.

In Conclusion

You must learn about selective outrage. Because the more you know about it, the less it will bother you when bullies use it to bring you down.

This post gave you all the selective outrage examples so that you will recognize it when you see it. Then, it won’t faze you if bullies use it to try and destroy your confidence.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Selective Outrage: 7 Reasons Bullies Use It

2. Learning to Love Yourself: 11 Reasons Self-Love is Most Important

3. Manipulators: 8 Ways They Manipulate

4. Bullying and Banter: 9 Differences You Must Know