Month: July 2022

Body Language Speaks Louder Than Words

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Body Language Speaks Louder Than Words

Words have power, yes. But without the body language that goes with them, they’re only static- empty noise. The best way to ward off bullies is to influence them by transmitting the most appropriate and compelling nonverbal cues.

Around 80% of communication is nonverbal, we’ve often heard, and it’s the truth! Therefore, it’s not only necessary, but wise to pay closer attention to others in terms of body language. In other words, we must pay closer attention to pantomimes, which are their facial expressions, gestures, demeanor, and mannerisms.

Likewise, we should also pay close attention to the way we come off to people through our own nonverbals.

We Often Miss the Subtler Body Language

In other words, we not only need to learn to better read other’s body language but also to better monitor our own physical signals, so we don’t give others the wrong impressions. However, it’s not as easy as it looks. Many forms of body language are so subtle that we can miss them if we’re not careful.

Therefore, we must find ways to learn these micro-signals and what they mean. And once we do, we will gain mastery over our social situations.

If you’re stuck in an environment that’s peppered with bullies, the ability to read even the most subtle cues is a must. Bullies are masters at hiding their imperfections, their motives, and their intentions. Therefore, you must pick up on what they try to conceal, and you can only do it by correctly observing their most subtle cues and pantomimes.

Every movement, even the tiniest, from eye movements to gestures, holds a wealth of information. Moreover, every body position and stance also hold info. Everything people do or don’t do conveys a message. We are forever communicating.

Every Tiny Movement Conveys a Message

Therefore, you must be aware of it. And if you aren’t good at reading these silent subtleties, you must learn how. But here’s good news! The areas of intelligence we weren’t born with are those we can learn.

Even those who have high-functioning autism can study and learn these things to better improve their social lives. I’ve seen a few people on the spectrum do this and it helped them to change their situations and live better lives. As a result, they moved on to better relationships with family and to make good friends. They also went on to get married and have families of their own.

Therefore, we must learn the subtext of not only words, but also nonverbal signals. Subtext can be read in our choices of clothing to wear and in the way we arrange our furniture. Moreover, it can be read in the rise and fall of our voices when we speak. Each of us is a living, breathing open book to those who are expert people-readers.

The Importance of Subtext

Again, it’s imperative that you learn to read what people are thinking and feeling more accurately. This includes learning to pick on up their hidden motivations and intentions. Once you do, you will better be able to distinguish between who’s for real and who’s fake.

More importantly, this new knowledge will protect you from sneaky and nefarious people. It will also open you up to limitless opportunities! Also, in learning to transmit the right nonverbal signals, you will repel bullies, abusers, users, and other unsavory types of people. You will be able to bring down social barriers, build rapport with others, and build connections. Ultimately, it will help you become more fruitful in life and have confidence you never thought you’d have!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

How Redundancy Backfires on Bullies

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Have you noticed how bullies tend to repeat the same personal attacks over and over again? It’s true that a lie repeated a thousand times become truth. However, it can also have the opposite effect- it can become boring.

Sometimes, the attacks go on for so long, they become boring to the point that they actually lose their effect on the target…and everyone else. Why?

Because, instead of tapering off a bit once the attacks do have their desired effect, the bullies only increase them, trying to make absolute sure the labels stick. They want to ensure that others don’t forget how disgusting and revolting the target is.

bored

But! What the bullies end up doing is repeating the same tired, worn-out lines and narratives that they end up losing support. In other words, it all backfires right in their faces.

Let Them Repeat, Repeat, Repeat!

This is good because the target now has leverage and can use it to their advantage.

If you are a target of bullying and your bullies are pulled this broken-record tactic, all you must do is to sit back and let your bullies do what they will do. You never know. They just might end up shooting themselves in the foot!

Then you get to smile as you watch them make complete fools of themselves. Also, you get to listen as people laugh at your bullies behind their backs. And, it you think they won’t dare laugh at the bullies, wrong. They may not do it to their faces, but trust me, they’ll go wild with the jokes and laughs behind the bullies’ backs. I guarantee it!

So, align yourself with those your bullies have bullied in the past. Enjoy listening to the ridicule as you laugh with your newfound friends and allies. Because that will be the fun part!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Why Write About Bullying and Abuse?

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I’ve mentioned the importance of documenting the bullying you suffer and why you should do it. Writing about it indeed helps you to purge all those toxic emotions. However, the reasons go much deeper than what I’ve mentioned before.

Just as the pen is mightier than the sword. It is also mightier than the mouth.

Writing is so much better than talking. Speaking about bullying and abuse through the pen is so much more powerful because you can speak freely and without interruption.

No one can try and stop you from speaking your truth when you use the almighty pen. They can’t talk over you nor shout you down. No one can gaslight nor blame you. They can’t name call you nor throw guilt trips on you to distract you.

Unlike speaking to another person face to face and having to share the conversation, you can write alone, in private. When you communicate through writing, there’s no need to worry about anyone becoming combative. Whereas, during a face-to-face confrontation, an abusive bully is likely to become irate and more abusive as a reaction to being called out.

Bullies despise it when you put them on front street.

Writing about it is much safer. Because your writing is yours and yours alone. Therefore, you can pour your heart out freely on paper and no one can bother you. Bullies can’t demand that you take back your words. They can’t control what you say. There’s absolutely nothing they can do to stop you from speaking out about the pain and suffering they inflicted.

All they can do is attack you after the words are already written, published, and read by many pairs of eyes. And, by then, it’s too late. The cat’s already out of the bag.

And here’s the best part! In their explosive reactions and retaliatory attacks, they only prove that everything you wrote about them is true. They confirm themselves to be exactly as you described them.

Therefore, let them attack you. Let them retaliate and seek revenge. Permit them to call you what they like. Your bullies can scream, shout, curse, plot, and be as passive-aggressive as they want.

Smile when they shoot you a dirty looks in the supermarket. Chortle when they whisper behind your back at the doctor’s office.  Laugh to yourself and stare back when they stop and stare you down on the street.

Understand that it’s far better to draw first blood then to be on the defense.

Why? Because, in doing these childish things, they only make you more believable. They only expose themselves and the evil deeds they committed.

Moreover, some people are still mad at you because of the evil things they did to you. Think about it. They need to stay pissed at you so they can keep from feeling so dirty and sleezy. And they’re even angrier at you because you wouldn’t be destroyed. They hate you because you did the opposite of what they expected. You refused to sink. You didn’t crash and burn. Instead of drowning, you only went airborne and soared to unimaginable heights!

Know that you’re the winner here.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Why Bullies Usually End Up Eating Their Own

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Bullies want to have a target or a victim. In fact, they need targets. To feel almighty and powerful, bullies must have people to dominate and subjugate. And having power over is extremely addictive to them. It’s like a drug. It’s why bullies repeatedly bully their targets over a a long period of time, years even. Because that “drug” wears off rather quickly and it won’t be long before your bullies come back for their next “fix.”

However, what happens when you finally realize who your bullies really are behind the tough facades, they put up? What happens when the masks fall off, and your bullies’ cowardice and insecurity come to light? Oooo! This is beginning to sound delicious, isn’t it?

Here’s what happens. Once the target sees these revelations, his confidence will get a big boost. The target will realize that she isn’t and never was the one with the issues. In this, he will find that it was the bullies who had the issues all along. Then, the target will finally have the courage to give the bullies the old proverbial middle finger and tell them all to go eat a fat one.

Moreover, the power dynamic will take a sudden shift and the scales will automatically tip in the target’s favor. In other words, the person will be a target no more. Remember that the best way to disempower bullies is to empower targets.

Because, once the target ceases to be a target, bullies no longer have power over him. Therefore, the bullies must go search for another target.

The Sudden Power Shift

When these bullies spot several potential targets, they’ll test the waters by performing several tests on these “potentials.” They will test these potential targets by watching them closely and launching subtle attacks and insults just to see how they react. But! What will the bullies do next, when things don’t go quite the way they expect? What happens when the potentials also give them the double middle finger?

Uh-oh, now they can’t find someone they can target! Curses! Now, what’s a poor bully to do? Simple. They begin eating their own. In other words, they turn on a member of their in-group.

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen! Once the bullying in-group runs out of targets on the outside, they have no choice but to turn their bullying inward and start bullying people within their group.

Remember that bullies need a target victim. They need someone to dominate and subjugate to have power because they can’t get power any other way. Without someone to ride roughshod over, to tell what to do, and to exert control over, bullies feel powerless. And you know what? They are!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

“You Can’t…”

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Bullies say you’ll never prevail

They repeat that you’ll always fail

“You can’t do this, and you can’t have that”

Be careful or their words will lay you flat

They say, “Try as you might but it’s no use”

That no matter what you do, you’ll forever lose

That winning is something you’ll never do

That success is for anyone who isn’t you

Turn toward them and their words a deaf ear

Replace their words with words of cheer

Then you’ll surpass them by leaps and bounds

And drown out the yelps of those mangy hounds

You’ll leave them behind to drown in distress

As you climb and reach the pinnacle of success

Bullies, Cowards, and Chumps

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independent 20s girl with threatening body language

Have you noticed that bullies love to talk smack? They trumpet to the world about how tough they are and that, in so many words, everyone else should bow down and tremble in their presence.

Bullies work hard at beating their chests and bluffing. It only goes to prove that they’re the least confident and most insecure schmucks on the face of the earth. In other words, anyone who must announce that they’re tough, smart, awesome, take your pick, can’t be.

In contrast, people who do have any of these qualities are usually the quiet ones. They don’t have to talk about it. How many times have you heard stories about the quiet kid beating the crap out of the loudmouth bully who pushed him too far?

Genuinely tough people never talk. You don’t see these people running around, spouting off about how tough they are because they don’t have to. They don’t need to tell you about it because they already know they’re tough and there’s no need to prove it to anyone. They’ve already proven it to themselves and that’s enough.

Bluffs, Blowhards, and Windbags

Therefore, if any bully messes with them, they will get hurt.

I’ve dealt with thousands of people of this caliber and one thing I noticed a long time ago is that they’re loudmouth losers. They puff out their chests and flap their lips, talking about how they’re going to kick this person’s butt, whip that person’s butt- they never stop. With these chumps, it’s one pissing contest after another.

As a result, having to constantly listen to their gas gets boring real fast. Why? Because, again, that’s all you hear out of them. Anyone who must spit such rubbish isn’t only trying to convince the rest of the world, they’re also trying to convince themselves.

These are characteristics of every single chump who has ever bullied me in my lifetime. It’s not only pathetic, but laughable that they must go through life this way.

Furthermore, these people are so incredibly insecure that you can trigger them and set them off by challenging their toughness, popularity, intelligence, or what have you. Their egos are just that fragile.

These bullies may even approach you and get in your face if they have their entourage of lackeys behind them.

If you’re a target of bullying, know this. Your bullies are total fakes. They’re phonies. Cowards. Chumps!

When you stop and think about it, it’s hard to hate anyone who is this pathetic. They only thing you can do is feel sorry for such pitiful souls.

Again, remember that those who are genuinely tough don’t have to talk about it. It’s just there.

Always remember this the next time a bully shoots his mouth off at you or gets in your face. Feel confident in knowing that you’re not like this person and you don’t have to resort to such buffoonery. This alone should be a real self-esteem booster.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Heide’s Story of Survival

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Child abuse with the eye of a young boy or girl with a single tear crying due to the fear of violence or depression caused by hunger and poverty and being afraid of bullying at school.

This is my story—of oppression, of getting through, of moving on—my survival story.
Looking back on the events of my life, I realize that the hurt I’ve dealt with was due to extreme neglect as a child. Our parents’ loved their children to the best of their ability; however, my mother suffered from major depression, to the point where she was slowly giving up on life. And, in my father’s case, his own father had left him when he was young.
A Survivor of Neglect
No one had taught my mother and father how to be good parents. As a child, I had very little to no supervision. My mother was very carefree with us. One memory I retain was when I was four years old. I was swimming in a lake, and a neighbor frantically called my mom to let her know I was out there.
My mother’s response was to ask her to just send me home. To this day, my family and I laugh about it, but looking back, it was extremely neglectful on my mother’s part.
As I started school, kids were very mean. I was teased, spat on; I was not picked for teams in gym, and I often sat alone at lunch. Teachers would not say anything to stop it. I felt scared to go to school and terrified to ride the bus. I truly hated elementary and middle school. I hardly had any friends, and the ones I thought were my friends were often two-faced.
In seventh grade, I was at a friend’s house, in her basement, and a girl with rings on physically beat me up, holding me down and punching me repeatedly in the face. There was a boy watching and swinging a knife around, laughing. Then I had to walk two miles home in the dark, alone, after being beat up. When I got home, my mother was lying in bed, asleep, with no idea I hadn’t been home.
Inner Strength In Spite of Her Bullied Past

Looking back, I was severely neglected, and it wasn’t a nurturing, caring living environment. When my mother was not working, she was sleeping. Now and then she did things to take care of us, but most of the time, we ran the streets and fended for ourselves.
Sadly, she passed away from breast cancer when I was thirteen.
Over the years of neglect, I developed many insecurities.
I now realize the trauma I dealt with made it difficult to socialize with other children as well. My sisters and I came from a poor upbringing, and I truly believe that is one of the reasons as to why I was made fun of and rejected growing up.
Many years later, I was diagnosed with ADD/OCD and anxiety. I had these brain-based challenges my entire life but did not realize it at the time.
The Effects of Trauma
OCD/ADD causes individuals to be impulsive, to have less patience around others, and to overthink everything. These tendencies can cause people to react to you in a way you may not deserve, but it’s unfortunately a result of struggling with mental health issues.
These issues were key as to why I heavily grieved over losing my mother, why I chose relationships that kept me feeling “vulnerable,” and why I always felt so alone.
I even allowed my ex-husband to control everything in our marriage. I wanted to feel safe, but this led to various forms of abuse. In 2015, I became a single mother, and even though I was scared of failing and struggled financially, I had to learn how to do everything on my own. Though difficult, I became a strong woman and a mother, and I was finally happy.
positive bullied victim says NO
These foundations of my identity, as well as my faith, helped me feel secure and that true hope could be fulfilled. To this day, I still struggle with self-esteem issues, anxiety, and some seasonal depression; however, I choose to see other people’s needs instead of focusing on my own negative emotions.
The Courage to Leave an Abusive Marriage
My goal is to use my past hurts to bring them hope. I have a motto for myself: “I’m the glass half full kinda girl.”
Year ago, when I shared my story, others would often say, “I don’t remember you being bullied, when/who bullied you?” Questions like these caused me to question the validity of the pain I felt and made me think I had no right to use the word “abuse/bullied” to describe my pain.
However, as I dealt with all of the denial, anger, blame, sadness, and grief over the years, I realized I indeed had the right to feel everything I did, and no person could take that away from me.
That emotional strength and security has made me want to make a positive out of EVERY negative. Recently, I reached out to the girl that beat me up in the seventh grade and I reminded her of the events that happened. She did not even remember and explained how much hurt she was going through at the time.
She apologized, I told her I forgave her, and now we are friends and talk from time to time. So you see, I chose to use my pain to inspire others and show them that there IS hope, no matter what you go through in life.
Resilience
Sometime it is as simple as saying hello to random people on the street, calling others by their names, making sure to wear a smile often, and going out of my way to be a friend to ANYONE who needs one. This is especially important to me, since I lost my brother in 2018 to suicide.
I know I suffered a lot of loss and hardships in life, but I know that others have suffered quite a lot more. We all experience different things, and what’s important is not how others think we’ve lived, but instead how we ourselves experience life.
I TRULY believe if I can share—or sing, a passion of mine—my story and save a life or even inspire one person, then it makes it worth going through all of this pain and coming out the other side.
A Passion for Music
Heide has a lovely singing voice! You can check out her single, “Bulletproof,” here!

When Bullies Label You “Mentally Ill”

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When people label you “mentally ill,” “crazy,” “unhinged,” take your pick, based on the lies of bullies; no one has to take you seriously ever again. People will automatically doubt everything you do, good or bad. Anytime society sticks a person with the “mentally imbalanced” label, it can be worse than if they deemed them a criminal. Because at least people take criminals, even murderers and rapists more seriously. What a crying shame!

Therefore, when bullies can con an entire community into deeming you crazy, they can make you disappear and become irrelevant. And they can do it even after you’re dead.

The most insidious thing about this label is that it can make the labelled person doubt their own sanity. In other words, it’s not so much that they think you’re crazy, it’s that they want you to believe it. Why? Because, if they can make you believe it, then you’re more likely to live up to it.

Further, the crazy card is the easiest for bullies to play. Although they can never prove you’re a basket case, there’s no way you can prove that you aren’t one.

The label, “crazy” is worse than the label, “criminal.”

This is why the crazy label is the most widely used among bullies and society as a whole. Also, it’s the most common form of gaslighting. “Crazy” can be used as a last resort when bullies run out of options and can’t pin anything else on you.

Think about it. They can’t as easily label you a whore if you haven’t slept around. Just the same, they can’t as easily label you a criminal if you don’t have a police record to prove it. And they can’t easily label you a thief if you never took anything that wasn’t yours.

Whereas, you can’t as easily disprove crazy.

Therefore, the more we understand the ins, outs, and reasons behind the use of this label, the better we can defend against it.

The best thing you can do in this situation is to keep your head and continue showing them up. It may take a while, but eventually, the label does get old and wear itself out. And when that happens, it will lose it’s effect.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

A Blessing that Feels Like a Curse

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Now, more than ever, we must stand up for our God, our beliefs, and convictions. We must be true to ourselves, our hearts, and to the people who love us, and we must do it boldly and confidently. We must know ourselves inside and out.

In short, we must have the courage to be different.

The blessings of critical thinking and self-care can be dangerous today.

Sadly, in the last two years, this country has gotten so divided that people have lost family and who were once close friends over their beliefs, their convictions, their values, and their traditions. I’ve lost a few friends myself. However, I’m not afraid to lose people. It’s only God’s way of removing the people who were imposters all along and never deserved to be in my life in the first place.

Hey! I know it’s hard. But if you’ve lost people the last few years because of our divisive government and society, I want you to know that you did nothing wrong. Your beliefs and convictions are yours and you own them. And again, God is taking out your trash for you.

Therefore, sometimes, what is a blessing can feel like a curse. Some blessings require pain and sacrifice. But it’s always worth it in the end. And, who knows? You might end up with much more than you ever lost.

The blessing of seeing who people really are.

Although these blessings are quite painful, I truly believe that these last two years are a test. They’re a test to see if you’re strong enough to stand in your truth no matter what it may cost you. Never be afraid to be yourself, speak your truth, and risk losing a person you only think is a friend.

These last two years have revealed so much to us. Among the revelations are the true faces of those we thought were friends and were smarter. Moreover, these last couple of years have shed new light on the true intentions of our so-called leaders, whom we thought were loyal to us.

If nothing else, remember this:

You don’t lose friends, you lose frauds.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies and Gotcha-Questions

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Not only are politicians notorious for asking gotcha-questions, but bullies are also infamous for asking them. What is a gotcha-question, you may ask?

Gotcha-questions are questions that put you in a bad light no matter how you respond to them or if you respond to them at all. These are the types of questions bullies will usually ask you in public, in front of an audience. Gotcha-questions are forms of entrapment because bullies use them to trap you into looking bad to others.

Here are two examples:

“Hey, Jeff, do your friends know you got arrested the other day?”

This question says that Jeff did get arrested. It implies that he is a criminal and assumes that he was arrested whether his friends know it or not. If Jeff answers yes, it means that he’s a criminal and his friends know about it. If he answers no, it still means that Jeff is a criminal, only that none of his friends knows.

“Hey, Jennifer, how many people know that you spent time in a mental institution?”

Again, the question makes a statement- one that says that Jennifer was institutionalized. It implies that she was in a mental institution whether anyone knows it or not. If Jennifer answers yes, it means that she has mental issues, and others know about it. A no means that no one knows that she has a mental illness and that she’s hiding it from everyone. Even worse, the asker is, in a sense, telling Jennifer and everyone else within hearing distance that she’s “batshit crazy.”

These types of questions are “gotchas” because they are closed-ended questions that leave no room for the truth.

Here are a few more examples of gotcha-questions:

“Tabitha, did you ever get help for your alcoholism?”

By asking this question, the asker is calling Tabitha an alcoholic without calling her an alcoholic. It’s a slick way for the asker to attack her. A yes means that Tabitha was “a drunk” in the past. A no implies that Tabitha is still a “boozehound.” And that’s what people will think.

Furthermore, if she responds by saying, “I’ve never had a drinking problem,” it would sound like a cover-up. Why? Because others would wonder why anyone would ask such a question if they weren’t privy to such private information? It implies that the asker knows information that hasn’t been available to anyone else.

“Does Ella know that you slept with her boyfriend?”

Here, you have three options. You can answer yes, no, or you can choose not to respond to such a ridiculous question. Either way, the asker is still assuming that you slept with Ella’s boyfriend. Also, it’s a stealthy way for the questioner to call you a whore.

Therefore, if you are a target of bullying, you must learn very quickly how to spot gotcha-questions. Then, you must call them out as such. Be sure to respond in a way that makes you look the least guilty.

Here are a few healthy responses to such questions:

“You’re wasting your time with the gotcha-questions because they don’t work on me.”

“You need to quit with the gotcha-questions. I know what you’re trying to do. You’re fooling no one.”

The trick here is to call the person out by calling the questions what they are. And when you do, do it as intelligently as possible. It may or may not save your good name, but you’ll feel good knowing that you called it out without allowing the bully to throw you off balance. And sometimes, that’s enough.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Both a Blessing and a Curse

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When you have a sharp BS detector and are able to see through others’ fakery and behind their douchebaggery, you have a special gift that few people have. That much is true. Moreover, with this gift, you can more easily avoid the many traps and pitfalls bullies, shysters, and con artists set up.

However, having this gift can be a curse. Although being awake and alert to lies, deceit, and bad intentions is both freeing and empowering, it can also be an excruciating and alienating journey. It can be lonely, confusing, and frightening. You often struggle as you try to process the insanity around you.

There is a reality that no one talks about- the darkness that accompanies your having this kind of sight. In fact, you may grieve what you thought, for so many years, was the truth. The realization that everything you once thought you knew turned out to be lies is, perhaps, the most difficult pill to swallow.

Furthermore, the people you once trusted, the principals you were taught, the beliefs you once held, the illusions you once had, and the life you once lived- when they turn out to be lies, it’s the hardest thing!

The Truth Hurts

Having your illusions shattered is never an enjoyable experience. However, with growth comes pain and discomfort and it doesn’t stop there. With these newfound revelations, you will often find yourself grieving again. You’ll grieve the loss of relationships with people you thought were friends and were smarter.

You’ll feel alone. And you’ll be ridiculed not only by acquaintances and passers by but sometimes by friends and family. You’ll realize that you never had nearly as much in common with the people you care about as you originally thought.

When you’re wise to bullshit, people will judge and ridicule you because they either don’t see what you do, or they do see it but are either living in denial or they’re too chicken to call it out.

Moreover, you might grieve the loss of your own ignorance because ignorance is bliss and reality is harsh. You might even find yourself wishing that you were still just as ignorant as they are because, if you were, you’d still fit in with them.

Having the sense to see through all the smoke screens can be a lonely road to travel. There’s no sugarcoating it- getting wise to the realities of the world and of the people around you can be brutal!

Most People Can’t Handle the Truth

Furthermore, the ability to dive down into the deepest, darkest rabbit holes and to remain functioning in daily life is a skill that we don’t talk about enough.

I’ve lost many people I thought were friends. However, I still consider myself one of the lucky few. Why? Because most of my family and my small circle of true friends? They get it and they get me. However, many of you aren’t so lucky. You’re struggling with feeling disconnected from your family and friends and it’s as though they exist in another world.

Just know that you’re not alone. Not only are you not alone, but you also have an entire tribe standing behind you. We may be separated by miles, but we’re deeply connected in purpose and spirit.

So, hold on to your faith and your dignity. Hold onto your truth and stand on it. Continue to be yourself and to press forward. Know that we’re here and we’ve got you! Most importantly, know that God’s here and He’s got you!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

7 Questions Targets Want Answers to

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1. How do I stop people from bullying me?

2. What can I do to make friends and allies?

3. How do I get a date?

4. How can I learn to have a little influence?

5. What does it take to be charming?

6. What can I do to get that je nais se quois that naturally draws people?

7. Why do bullies bully?

The questions presented here are legitimate questions. After all, we humans are social animals.

We’re hardwired for social connections and togetherness.

Humans are made to enjoy friendships and positive connections, especially during the formative years. It’s a crucial to our development.

The more likeable we are, the better chances we have of making friends and maintaining relationships. Also, we’re more likely to get a date, get married, and reproduce ourselves.

Moreover, likeability increases our chances of getting better jobs, bonuses, higher tips, and promotions.

However, this is not to say that targets of bullying aren’t likeable because they are. Often, it’s the bullies who are unlikable. Why else would they become jealous and target likeable people.

Sadly, over time, the effects of long-term bullying can cause the target to become less and less likeable.

Any form of bullying and abuse that is long-term can shatter a person’s trust in humanity. As a result, the person can become guarded and suspicious of others.

Furthermore, people sense this and are repelled by it. After all, there can be no connection if there isn’t trust. Sadly, they don’t teach likeability in school. Therefore, it’s up to us to read the appropriate books and articles and practice what we learn.

Here are the answers to the questions above:

1. Unfortunately, it’s impossible to control the thoughts and behavior of another. Each person has their own mind and will do what they will do. In other words, nothing you say or do will stop them if it’s something they really want to do. That includes bullying. However, what you can control is your reaction to it.

Moreover, there’s no law that says you must stand there and take their crap. You can choose not to give them a response or you can put your hand up, turn, and walk away. You can tell the idiot to get bent, or you can give them the middle finger and keep going. There are many things you can do to put the creep back in their place.

2. Just be yourself. And care not what others think or say of you. Do these things and the right people will come into your life and want to be friends.

3. Again, be yourself. And remember. A smile is the best outfit you can ever put on.

4. Be confident. Confidence is a natural influencer. If you’re confident in yourself, others will more likely be confident in you.

5. Again, be confident, be yourself, and care not what others think. It’s also important to be interested in other people because people naturally like others who are interested in them.

6. See number 5.

7. Bullies bully because they’re insecure. They’re afraid of their own imperfections coming to light, so they use you as a distraction from their shortcomings.

Some people are born with natural charm and likeability, and some weren’t. However, always remember this. The personality traits you weren’t born with can always, always be learned. You must read books on how to be more likeable and lesson your chances of attracting bullies.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

A Few Former Bullies Succumbed to Suicide

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Hurt people hurt people. As we know, bullies bully because either they’re having emotional pain themselves, or they’re arrogant and truly believe they are superior. Nevertheless, bullies do struggle with mental illness, and yes, many succumb to suicide, which is beyond sad. Neither mental illness nor suicide discriminate.

The bullies who are hurting are more likely to commit suicide than their arrogant counterparts. However, many arrogant bullies also commit suicide when they take a huge downfall and cannot cope.

Nonetheless, the fact remains that many bullies do end up taking their own lives. Some of my former classmates did and I feel terrible for them. Regardless of how horribly they may have treated me, I would never wish that kind of ending on my worst enemies.

Again, we should never take pleasure when we hear of anyone dying by their own hand, it doesn’t matter how evil and disgusting the person may have been while they were living.

It’s a horrible thing to befall a human being! And, the most heartbreaking thing is that these classmates never lived long enough to see their lives get better. I have no doubt that, had they found the will to go on living, things certainly would’ve improved for them.

Hurt People Hurt People

Christy was one of those bullies. She died by suicide in 2004 at the age of thirty-two. She was one of those mean girls in middle school who seemed to enjoy inflicting pain. However, she dropped out in the ninth grade and her life slowly took a nosedive over several years. Unbeknownst to me and many others, Christy struggled with mental illness. She battled so many demons that few of us know anything about.

After we were out of school, I ran into Christy a few times after my kids were born and she still attempted to bully me. She would yell curses in the store parking lot as I loaded my groceries in my car and my babies in their safety seats. Therefore, I would only roll my eyes and scoff at her, then go about my business. However, had I known she’d recently gone through a divorce and lost her children, I might have reached out to her.

I wasn’t made aware of the details until after she was already gone. Someone, who had been close to Christy, filled me in that she was severely co-dependent. Since her divorce, she’d gone through a rash of failed relationships. The men she’d dated had only used her for what they could get from her, then dumped her. And, when the last man tossed her away, Christy broke.

Moreover, it didn’t help that she was already suffering from bipolar disorder. Consequently, she took a shotgun, went outside in the back yard, put it under her chin, and pulled the trigger. And the saddest of all is that she left behind two children.

A Downward Spiral

When I was informed of this, I was both shocked and horrified. Also, at the time, I felt disappointed in her. I wondered why she would allow some guy who, obviously, wasn’t worth her time, to drive her to such extremes. I also wondered if she’d thought of her children and who would raise them.

Back then, I was learning but still didn’t know near as much about suicide and mental illness as I do now. Therefore, I might have been a little judgmental of her without meaning to. Although I, myself, had survived a suicide attempt as a teenager, I still didn’t empathize with her like I should’ve. Nevertheless, my heart broke not only for her, but more so, those babies, who were now without a mother.

Though I don’t condone the things Christy did nor how she acted when she was alive, I do understand why. She was hurting badly and needed to make someone else hurt so that she can feel better. Hence the reason I don’t hate bullies, I pity them instead.

In 2016, another school bully, Lori, also committed suicide, only under different circumstances. She’d gone from a popular cheerleader and choir girl who looked down on those who weren’t as socially fortunate, to being a teacher who was bullied and mobbed at the school in which she taught.

She was a wife and mother of a teenage daughter and small toddler. However, because she was despised at work, she was fired from the career she loved. Sadly, Lori also suffered from bipolar disorder.

Suicide is Felt Most by Loved Ones Left Behind

Therefore, she went home, took an overdose of pills, and never woke up. Even sadder was that her daughter was the person who found her later that day. However, how much would her circumstances have improved had she chosen to power through and keep going?

As I write this, I also look back to 1987, when one of my school bullies lost his older brother, Chris, to suicide. I don’t know if the older brother was a bully. For all I know, he may have been a target. However, I do know that he struggled with mental illness. Although I don’t know much about what drove him to take his life, I do remember what a few reliable sources told me. They told me that he’d jumped off a bridge over a set of railroad tracks.

Moreover, I can venture a good guess why Chris’ younger brother bullied me and a few others at school. And why he would go as far as to slam his books down on my head on many occasions. Could it be that his bullying me was the only way he could cope with the loss of his brother? Is it possible that he himself was struggling with mental illness, being as mental illnesses tend to run in families?

What heights could Chris have accomplished had he mustered the will to live? What joys in life could he have basked in later?

If You Are a Target, Here are questions you should ponder when it comes to your bullies:

1. When a bully bullies, what is it that they are trying to hide?

2. What is it about themselves that he’s trying to distract others from by bullying you?

3. Is the bully projecting onto you what she perceives to be a flaw in herself?

4. And what possible mental illnesses does the bully have that they’re so desperately trying to cover up?

5. Is the bully using you as a distraction from some shortcoming they themselves have?

Where Would They Be Today?

It’s sad that many of my bullies from school are now deceased, and not only from suicide, but auto accidents, a plane crash, and a few ATV accidents.

Rebecca Kee, Robin Tatum, Heath Bennett, Billy Goodman, Kevin Hearnsberger, Aaron Schuh, Janessa Holt, and many other classmates never got to live full lives and that’s tragic. Some of them never knew the joy of having their first child. Others will never see the birth of their first grandchildren, nor will they see retirement.

The icy-cold hands of death snatch away so many would-bes! So many goals, dreams, joys, and togetherness are dashed! And that’s the worst part.

That’s why I urge you to give yourself a chance if you’re enduring what seems to be impossible situations. Know that it never rains a full three hundred and sixty-five days. That in itself is proof that things will always improve if you don’t give up. You are worth fighting for and you’re worth living for! Always remember that!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

How We Stop “Drinking the Kool-Aid”

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Where the Idiom, “Drink the Kool-Aid” Comes from:

The first major news story I remember is of Jim Jones and the Jonestown Massacre that happened in Guyana, SA. I was only seven years old in late 1978, when this horrible tragedy occurred. And, in my innocent child’s mind, couldn’t understand why anyone would poison themselves at the command of another.

Sadly, this toxic Kool-Aid comes in many flavors. There’s the type bullies and abusers force us to swallow, which kills our self-esteem. They drum into our heads the narratives that we’re worthless, a waste, and will never amount to anything. What’s sad is when we begin to believe it ourselves. Thus, we drink the toxic Kool-Aid that poisons and kills not only the self-esteem, but the soul.

Next, we have the flavors that politicians serve to us. These politicians convince us that they know better than we do what’s best for us. They try to tell us that they’re the best person for the job. These liars also tell us how to live our lives, what to believe, and how we should think. They fool us into thinking that they know more about us than we do. But, on the contrary, they wouldn’t know sh** from shinola.

The “Kool-Aid” Comes in Many Flavors

Lastly, we all get the kind Hollywood and the media force down our throats. This flavor has us convinced that we must look a certain way, be a certain size, wear certain styles, and buy certain products to fit in. Like the abusive kind, this kind of Kool-Aid is also poisonous to our self-esteem.

Therefore, just like members of Jones’ cult, The People’s Temple, we buy into the rhetoric. We, in a sense, drink the poisonous Kool-Aid and it will eventually kill us.

Fortunately, we can cleanse our systems of these toxins. And we do it by seeing the rhetoric we have received for what it is, a form of brainwashing. We must see the Kool-Aid Hollywood and the media serve as a marketing play to get us to spend our money on their products. When bullies force us to swallow their Kool-Aid by telling us we are worthless human beings, it is only to fool us into hating ourselves. When politicians give us a glass of theirs, it is for votes, or to have control over our lives.

Know that all these Kool-Aid pushers are experts at appealing to our emotions and our human desire for belonging. Understand that it’s all a part of an agenda.

Therefore, have your own beliefs, opinions, and convictions. Set your own standards to live up to and do what fulfills you no matter who does or doesn’t approve. In doing these things, you detox yourself from the toxic Kool-Aid you’ve been force fed and become a happier, healthier person.

With knowledge comes empowerment!