Survivors of Bullying: Would You Send Your Children to the Same School Where You Were Bullied?


As an activist in the Bullying Awareness Movement, I’ve had many adult survivors of school bullying ask me whether they should send their children to the same school where they were bullied themselves as children and teens. Naturally, my response is a “No!” – or more appropriately, an emphatic “HELL NO!”

Having been a target of bullying from grade six until I finally escaped through a school transfer, I decided during my pregnancy with my first child, that should we ever have to move back to the town I was bullied in, hell would freeze before my children would grace the halls of the schools there.
“What parent worth their own salt would subject their children to that kind of learning environment if they could help it?”


Here are my reasons for keeping my kids clear of *Oakley Schools:

1. Bullies tend to take jobs that give them authority (Teaching, Law Enforcement, Corrections Officer, Supervisor, etc.). I knew that by the time my babies reached school age, the majority of my former bullies would probably be teachers in the small town where I had been a victim (teaching is the second-highest profession for workplace bullying and teachers who bully other teachers are likely to bully students too).

2. In most small Southern towns, such as the town in which I was victimized, the mentality is this:

“If we hate you, we will hate your children even more.”

small town

Because they had targeted me in the past, it was a safe bet that upon their finding out who my children’s mother was, they would target my babies as well, if not worse. Anytime you are or have been a victim of bullies, anything (or anyone) you love and care about is always fair game to them. If they come for you, they will come for those you love also.

I realize that in this day and age of progress and advanced technology, this may sound a little “Hatfield and McCoy” but things like this do happen and more so than we know.

Every situation is unique and naturally, everyone has different experiences. So, again I ask you, Would you send your kids to the same school you were bullied in?

Feel free to comment below.

(*not the real name of the school district)


9 Tactics Bullies Use to “Rattle” Their Targets and What You Can Do to Counter Them

physical bullying

Close-up of woman in black T-shirt is cracking her knuckles gesturing willful and ready for doing something; or in another side; the bad behavior when in tension; concept of health care and medical.

Before getting violent, bullies will often try to rattle their targets to intimidate them and throw them off balance.

Here are tactics bullies use (The first 8 are done most often in school settings):

1. deliberately knocking over your drink and spilling it

2. plucking a piece of food off your plate and popping it in their mouths at lunch.

3. kicking your books, backpack or purse over with their foot

4. fling your hair back

5. flick your nose with one finger

6. give you a non-friendly slap on the back

7. shoulder-shove you as they walk past you during in the hall or parking lot

8. knock your hat or cap off your head.

9. Workplace bullies will sometimes knock files or papers off your desk. It isn’t unheard of.

Understand that in doing things such as these, the bully is looking for a fight or reaction! Why else would he invade your space or territory? He is clearly trying to provoke you!

bullying bring it provocation

Emoticon inviting to fight. Emoticon showing opened fists to beckon someone to engage in a fight.

Here are a few other tactics bullies will try.

1. stand with feet apart and open their arms wide, making a T-stance. By doing this, the bully is telling you to “Bring it” or “Come on, I dare you.”

2. Making deliberate, sudden movements toward you, such as draw back at you and act like he is going to punch you just to get a reaction and watch you flinch. Or they may suddenly lunge at you, stop themselves and laugh.

This is a favorite of bullies and they make these deliberate attacks to cause you to flinch. They then stand back and laugh, claiming that your perfectly normal, human reaction is proof that you’re scared of them and don’t have the guts to fight them back.

3. Bullies may do mock physical attacks such as dancing around the room, shadow boxing. In doing this, the bully is clearly showing what he wants to do to you.

Understand that when bullies toy with you, they really want to square off. See it for what it is and call it out as it is.

The best defense against this is calling the bully out. Here’s what you say:

“Do you realize how stupid you look?” or
“Wow! You look like a total lunatic!”
, “whack-job”, etc.

Understand that the best way to counter a bully, in this situation, is to insult his intelligence or sanity and preferably in front of an audience.

Nine times out of ten, the bully will back off because bullies absolutely despise looking like fools and being called out on it.

The more you know!

Small Joys Tag

I would like to thank Iqra Aqib for nominating me for this tag. I am both honored and humbled to have been nominated by someone with such an amazing blog.

Iqra is an amazing writer who posts a variety of stories to blog posts about tech and lifestyle in general. His posts give out such positivity and showcase his bright and positive personality. You need to check out his blog, as it’s simply amazing

Once again Iqra, thank you so much for nominating me for a tag where I can describe things that make me happy.

Do tell me in the comments if any of you relate to the things that bring me joy!

Numbers 6, 8, 10, and 14 are both mine and Iqra’s joys!

Rules and Regulations of this Tag

  1. Thank the blogger who nominated you.
  2. List fifteen of your small joys.
  3. Nominate five other blogger friends who bring you joy.

15 small things that bring me joy:

1) Walking the walking trail at my local park on a beautiful Fall day. I love Fall and the beautiful weather and colors it brings. And I love to walk and feel the fresh air and cool breeze on my face. It just uplifts me.


2) Watching reruns of old tv shows. Whether the show is “In the Heat of the Night,” “Matlock,” “Dallas,” or “Dukes of Hazzard,” they really take me back to a time that was much simpler and more carefree!

3) Writing books. I’ve enjoyed writing stories since I was 10 years old and I never got tired of it. There’s just something therapeutic and cathartic about writing a story.

4) Blogging. Blogging helps me to get my thoughts down and is also therapeutic. It brings me healing and makes me feel great.

5) Porch sitting. Again, I love the outdoors, and like walking, porch sitting gives me that.

6) Reading.

7) When someone likes a show I am also watching and I can talk to them about it.

8) Sleeping in: I love to sleep in sometimes. Nothing feels better than a good night’s sleep and waking up when you want to. Sleeping until 7:00am to 8am is LATE for me. I’m usually up at 5 or 6!

9) Ice Cream: Do I have to tell you why?

10) Babies: I am obsessed with babies and toddlers and children in general. They are so pure and are little balls of sunshine. I love to hold them and watch them sleep in my arms. And they get excited when you join them in their playtime. Nothing is more precious under God than a baby!

11) Hiking. What I wouldn’t give to go on a hike. I love a good nature hike and to explore woods, mountains, and other terrains on foot.

12) Camping. A tent, a lantern, a cooler, and a good campfire next to a lake bring me lots of joy! I just love nature and the outdoors. What else can I say? 🙂

13) Swimming. I’ve always loved the water and I love being in it!

14) Dogs: Again, much like children, I love dogs, particularly puppies. How can you not adore them? They are loyal and amazing. I have two dogs and I enjoy playing with them and having their companionship.

15) Skydiving. I’ve skydived one time and found another thing that brought me joy. It’s not something I’ve gotten the opportunity to do again but the next time I do, I plan to jump on it! There’s nothing like the rush you get when you first go out the door and during the freefall! The excitement is unlike any other!

My Nominations:

And BTW, Yayyyyy! I now have a mouse with a right-click button that works and I can now copy award photos from the blogs of anyone who nominates me and post them, so I can officially accept awards without the embarrassment of being unable to post the award photos! LOL

Thank you for taking the time to read this post! Do tell me in the comments if you relate to any of the things that I mentioned in my list!

An Unfortunate Reality of Bullying: Relationship is the Determiner.


It’s not easy for people to distinguish between the real bully and the victim. Bullies are good at making victims look guilty, showing only the victim the worst, most brutal, and evil sides of themselves while showing everyone else their best, sweetest, and most loving halves of their personalities.

The bully may feign sympathy and compassion for her victim by making statements such as,

“I feel so terrible for (victim’s name). I sincerely hope she gets the help she needs before it’s too late.”

Bullies accuse their victims of attacking them when it’s the over way around, and people can quickly either get confused and not know who did what to who or blame the wrong person altogether.


Many times, if you’re a target of such torment, whether people believe you or not depends on their relationship with you and with the bully. If the bully is someone, they either like or love, they will, out of loyalty, take the bully’s word over yours. It won’t matter that the bully is in the wrong. And in many cases, people may know the bully is in the wrong, even witness the bully’s bad behavior.

Again, they still may take the bully’s side because, “that’s their friend” or “that’s their family.” Or maybe they dislike or may even hate the bullying person, but they dislike or hate you even more. So, they choose who they perceive to be the lesser of two evils.

People tend to believe those they care about and disbelieve those they don’t care about or don’t know.

bullying favoritism nepotism

My advice for targets of bullying is this: It pays to have friends and connections. If you don’t have them, find ways of making them, even if you must establish those connections outside of the toxic workplace or learning environment.

They may not be able to help you with your situation in the bullying environment. But what they can do is help you feel so much better about yourself and not to feel so alone. And self-care is a must when you’re a target of bullying.

Also, establishing connections and relationships now may pay off in the long run because if you’re a target of bullying at your job, chances are you won’t be working there for much longer. And maybe your outside friends and connections just may work at your next job and life will be much easier.

“You Can’t Do Anything Right!”

bullying girl

It’s true! When you’re a target of bullying and mobbing, you really can’t do anything right. But understand that bullying does that to targets. It causes them to be extremely nervous and always on edge.

You drop things, trip over stuff, the intense nervousness and fear make you awkward and uncoordinated. It makes you clumsy. The human stress response is, indeed, a tricky little devil!

You become even more afraid, which makes the clumsiness worse- fearful of screwing up, afraid to fail, afraid to be yourself because you know your bullies are watching you closely, and you’re mistakes and failure are precisely what they’re waiting for.

A bullied girl bakes a cake in Home Economics, only for it to collapse like a souffle. A bullied boy accidentally drops the ball on the basketball court in Physical Education. A company supervisor oversees a project, only for it to fall flat and be ridiculed.

bullying victim

And it seems the harder you try not to screw up, the more you do. You’re confused and don’t know which way to turn, nor which end is up. Making choices is hard before you aren’t sure which decisions are the right ones. No one can think clearly when they don’t feel safe.

Because when your mind and body are in panic mode- when your brain rewires itself for a hostile environment after people have, for so long, subjugated you to inhumane treatment, the part of your mind that deals with decision-making and emotional regulation automatically shuts down. And you’re at the mercy of your primal instincts!

Again, all this is what bullying does to victims! It’s why most victims of bullying have low grades and performance in school and why their work projects suffer in the workplace. And it’s why they’re looked at by teachers and supervisors as failures and nuisances.

workplace bullying

But know that you’re not a failure, a loser, or a freak. You must realize that any time you’re bullied, there’s no way to relax and just be. It’s impossible. So, understand that your bullies, in their sadistic abuse, have turned you from a once calm and happy person into one hot mess! Then they’ve taken that and exploited it by calling you things like, “train wreck,” “crazy,” and other such cheap shots.

But there’s hope. When you finally get out of the dangerous environment you’re stuck in, and away from those poisonous people, you’ll be amazed at how quickly the nervousness, clumsiness, and awkwardness will go away!

You will be calm again, finally. You’ll be able just to relax, breathe, and be. And that’s a freedom I can’t describe when I remember how it happened for me.

The relief is such that it’s a feeling of being able to come up for air after having your head held underwater, or of coming home after a long time away. When you’re in a new place and around better people, you can put your best foot forward and start over.

Cyber bullying

It may be frightening at first because, after all, you just came out of an abusive situation, and you may need time to get used to the new people in your life. You may be afraid of being bullied again. But I promise you that you can make new friends and you can finally enjoy equal treatment.

Because you’ll be a fresh face, and in most cases, everyone loves the new kid because there’s an air of mystery that surrounds them. So, take advantage of that.

And once you’re able to relax and be yourself, you’ll be able to speak and do things more confidently and assuredly. Your actions and movements will be fluid and the clumsiness and confusion will fade away. It happened for me, and it will work for you too!


Can Targets Protect Themselves Socially?

bullying ridicule

Yes, they can. There are many things targets can do to protect their social lives. Understand that social damage equals emotional pain. So, it’s essential that you do everything possible to protect your social life because when you do, you automatically protect your emotional health as well.

Here’s how:

  1. Establish relationships and make friends outside the bullying environment. If you’re being bullied at school, then make friends of kids that do not attend your school. If you’re bullies at work, make friends and forge relationships with people outside your place of work.
  2. Maintain distance from your classmates or coworkers. Get your social support elsewhere.

reputation name 

  1. Realize that your bullies, coworkers, and classmates aren’t the most important people in your life. They’re not the only people in the world who’ve ever known you or will know you in the future. They’re only one group of people who’s views of you are based on lies and false information. So, realize these people should matter the least to you. Your friends and positive relationships are outside that toxic environment and there will be more positive relationships to come. I promise you!

“But how do you forge new relationships and social networks elsewhere?” You ask.

  1. By joining interest groups, places of worship, clubs, communities, organizations, and taking classes. For instance, a kid is bullied in school. Although he may be intensely hated by his classmates, he could join a scout troop or a martial arts class and be very well-liked by all the kids there.

 An adult may be ostracized at his workplace but may join the American Legion, a Freemasonry group, or a church and find wonderful friends and a network of support in those places. The target may also advocate for a cause, take an art class, or join a music club.

Group of friends cheering with drinks at boat party

Group of happy friends cheering with wine and beers at boat party. Diverse men and women having drinks at sunset yacht party.

Just don’t tell anyone what you’re going through at school or at work. That stays where it belongs, in the bullying environment. Take time for them to get to know you. The only places that will be appropriate to bring up what’s happening at work are religious and therapy groups. But feel everyone out first. The goal is not to find a place to dump all your problems, but to find one where you’re valued and respected.

  1. Fake it. Appear calm and confident even when you feel like you’re about to fall apart.
  2. Don’t vent nor gossip. It will only make you look as bad as your bullies. You’ll also look unstable. Distance yourself from your bullies. It’s true that they’ll notice it and accuse you of being stuck up, anti-social, or standoffish. But what they think shouldn’t matter because your focus should be self-care. And self-care is of the utmost importance when you’re a target of bullying.


Victims of Bullying and Self-Fulfilling Prophesies (Part 2)


Again, if you aren’t careful, this repetition of bullying, abuse, and gaslighting will brainwash you. You’ll internalize it and be convinced of it.

Once your bullies finally convince you that you’re the lowest form of life on Earth, you will adopt a poor attitude and begin behaving in a way that matches your new beliefs about yourself. I know it sounds unbelievable, but it’s true.

  • You’ll stop believing in yourself.
  • You’ll have a condition known as “Learned Helplessness.”
  • Your grades will plummet, and your performance will suffer.
  • You’ll attract all kinds of bad fortune into your life.
  • You’ll want so badly to get out of the bad environment and situation you’re in that you’ll begin making poor decisions and life choices out of desperation- choices that may alter the entire course of your life.
  • You may drop out of school to get away from your bullies. I almost did.
  • You may quit your job before you have time to find other employment.
  • You may join a gang or extremist group to feel like you belong and to have friends.
  • You may use drugs to fit in, or to dull the pain.

bullied bully angry hate

And what’s really sad is that you won’t even realize it’s happening until you’re already too far down the rabbit hole. That is, if you ever realize it.

Understand that bullying will change your life- either for better or worse.

It’s hard! I completely get that. I understand how hard it is to keep loving yourself when you’re surrounded by people who hate you. I know how difficult it is to believe in yourself when it seems that no one else does. And I realize that it’s overwhelming to continue trying when everyone else is constantly telling you to give up- that you’ll never make it.

Believe you me. I empathize with you because I was there. I almost gave up.

  • I attempted suicide in the eighth grade and almost didn’t make it.
  • I almost dropped out of school during the eleventh grade.
  • I almost lost hope.

I did some desperate things back then- things that could have gotten me arrested or worse- killed!

If I’d held on to my love for and belief in myself, there’s no doubt that I would’ve spared myself a lot of pain.

But I eventually got mad- at myself! And when I got mad- it gave me the determination that they weren’t going to destroy the rest of my life. I wasn’t going to let them.

That’s what you have to do- get mad. Get determined. Dig in your heels and double down. Be determined not to lose yourself- not to let them destroy the parts of yourself that matter.

doormats victims targets bullied

Because if you give into your bullies and cave into believing what they tell you, it will become a Self-Fulfilling Prophesy. You’ll end up living up to everything they tell you. That’s not what you want. You don’t want to give your bullies any more satisfaction than they’ve already gotten at your expense. No way!

Why are they so hell bend on making you believe their lies?

  • Because they know they will succeed at brainwashing you.
  • Bullies are very much aware that they will get what they want. And what they want is to break your spirit.
  • The bully’s end goal- to bring you so low that you never recover.
  • If they can do the above three, then you’re likely to prove them right.
  • Know that it’s all an attempt to reprogram you and in a vast majority of cases, it works!

winner strong victor positive self love confidence self-esteem


Self-fulfilling prophesies are real, and they can destroy your life if you let bullies cause you to have a losing, self-defeating and bitter attitude. On the other hand, having confidence, loving yourself, and having a positive attitude will bring good things into your life.

This is not to say that bad things won’t sometimes happen anyway because they do. Sometimes things happen that we have no control over, and it happens to all of us. However, with a positive attitude, your life won’t be one huge string of bad luck. You will have victories- and more of them then losses.

Attitude does attract things into your life. Like attracts like. How I wish I’d know this when I was young.



Victims of Bullying and Self-Fulfilling Prophesies

stop bullying

When you’ve been a target of bullying for so long, your world becomes shaky. You began to doubt yourself and your abilities. You wonder if they were all right about you all along and that you maybe just didn’t see it. You get clumsy, awkward! A piece of your self-esteem breaks off.

Your decision making takes a big hit. Any decision you make, you wonder if it’s the right one. You may have even become too afraid to make choices. You fumble, screw up, and it seems that the harder you try not to make mistakes, the more of them you make, and the more bullies ridicule, put you down, even hurt you for them. There goes another piece of self-esteem.

You seemingly make gaffes that only make these people angrier at you and do things to rub them the wrong way when you’re only trying to quell any conflict. It seems that anything you try to do to help the situation only seems to have the opposite effect, which erodes even more of your precious self-esteem.


You then begin to have a horrible attitude and outlook on life.

All humans are mean-spirited, greedy, and selfish pieces of sh**.

The world is a crappy place.

I’ll never amount to anything.

Life sucks.

And that’s when adverse things begin to happen in your life. Your grades drop, your performance starts to wane, you lose out on awards, achievements, and opportunities. And the bullies are watching and smiling because all that is happening to you is confirming to them that you really are “a loser.” And inside, you know what they’re thinking. Bam! More of your self-esteem is smashed to bits.

bullied victim target unhappy

Before you know it, what relationships you do have are suffering, and what goals you have- even goals that are, by all accounts, easy to attain, seem unreachable.

Do you see where I’m going with this? It’s only the Law of Attraction at work. Like attracts like. What you think about, even on a subconscious level, always comes about.

People have consistently bombarded you with negativity- insults, horrible names, rejection, disrespect, physical beatings, abuse, everything- and repetitiously. This has gone on for so long that you’ve consciously or subconsciously begun to believe the crap that your bullies have fed you. And what’s really bad is that you’re beginning to live up to it and you can’t seem to control it or stop it from happening.

bullied victim target

What you resist will persist.

So, the saga continues. It seems that people are not only breaking their backs to convince everyone else that you’re evil, worthless, and stupid, they’re trying their damnedest to convince you of it too. Because, every day, you hear the same vitriol and get the same abuse over and over. Repetition, repetition, repetition.

Those people seem to be winning at it!

Understand that bullies do this deliberately. Oh yes! There is both a method and a purpose behind it that’s either conscious or subconscious.

Put plainer, bullies mean to get you to believe that you are, in fact, worthless and force you to agree with it and that you deserve the mistreatment. Because if they can get you to believe it too, then you’re more likely to submit to their abuse and demands without protest.

bullied victim target

Why else would they try to drum such lies- such garbage– into your head a million and one times a day?

Understand that bullying, because of its repetitiveness, because of its brutality, is a form of brainwashing. It’s not only physical, but it’s also psychological warfare. Over time, it conditions you to believe that you’re no good and will never amount to anything.

And when you’re in a school or workplace full of bullies who loathe you and want nothing more than to destroy you, the psychology of it is akin to being stuck in a re-education camp in a Communist Country. It’s just as mind-altering, and it’s just as damaging.

This is because bullies spoon-feed you their tripe repeatedly until your mind absorbs it and end up believing it too. They physically and emotionally beat you down, then they gaslight you and convince you that you deserve it- that you asked for the abuse and made them have to hurt you.

(Continued in Part 2…)

Don’t Ask Why Because Bullies Will Never Tell You.

stop bullying

Understand that keeping you guessing is half the power bullies have over you. They will never tell you why they bully you also because, in many cases, they don’t know themselves.

To keep you confused and bewildered is a power all its own. Because when you’re confused, you can’t think clearly. And if you can’t think clearly, the less likely you are to figure out what to do to escape the bullies and their abuse. Or worse- how to defend yourself, conquer your bullies, and win your power back.

Understand that bullies will never relinquish their power. Never! And to be truthful as to why they bully you would be like giving secrets to the enemy. To be honest and tell you what they hate about you would be like giving their power away to you, and they’ll be damned if they ever!

bullying mobbie shut up

I want you to know that there’s nothing wrong with you. You must know in your heart that you never did anything to deserve the brutal treatment your bullies continuously dish out to you. They are the crazy ones. They are the ones with the problem, and they are the ones who will have to answer for what they’re doing one day, either in this life or the next.

So instead of focusing your attention on trying to find out why your bullies are giving you problems, focus on self-care.

Instead of asking, “Why me?” ask, “What can I do to take care of myself?” or “What can I do to remove myself from the situation and the toxic environment?” Think about what options you have and weigh each of them carefully. Then quietly begin making plans to get out of there as soon and as safely as possible.