A Letter to My Bullies: You Were Lessons, Not Blessings


Much to your chagrin, I’m no longer the naive girl of yesterday, but the wise woman of today. And the beauty of getting older is the wisdom you store up and the realization that you’re perfect just the way you are and always have been. Also, you realize that you never needed certain people in the first place and that certain people don’t belong in your life. You, OHS class of 90, except for two- two people, are “certain people.”

Another great thing about getting older is that you become completely secure in yourself and comfortable in your own skin. You can speak your mind no matter who sees and hears it because you could give less than a damn what others think.

Who are you, anyway? Who are any of you? I’m the only one who can decide who I am. I’m the only one who has that kind of power.

So many people tell me things, and it is people you’d never expect. ‘You know? Those who tell you stories of people you could care less about and regardless of whether you want to hear them? Yeah, those types. Believe it or not, some of them are people you think are your friends.


Oh, yeah! They stop me in places like the supermarket and the gas station, or when I’m passing through. They tell me that many of you keep up with my social media posts and read my blog regularly. Yep. I know all about it.

So, I don’t doubt that you’ll read this blog post too, so I’m writing this to help you indulge yourselves. Because you only expose yourselves and your obsession.

To be real, I could care less about what or how any of you are doing. Because you were only people, God was teaching me to look out for. You were lessons, not blessings. And the things I take away from having the displeasure of even knowing you are these:

  1. That if I can survive your obsessive bullying and mobbing for six long years, then I can survive anything. Oh, yes! You most certainly showed me my own strength, resilience, and determination.
  2. You showed me the type of people I don’t want in my life, and who aren’t good enough to be in it.
  3. You gave me a much better appreciation for the real friends I have today.
  4. You gave me a thick skin and a fighting spirit.
  5. You gave me clarity- clarity of what I want and what I will and will not tolerate in my life.
  6. You gave me the confidence that when hard times come, they will eventually pass me by, and things will get much better.
  7. You gave me the drive and determination to have what I want out of life and the motivation to work hard and keep going after it until I get it- the commitment to reach success and live my dreams.
  8. You gave me the desire not only to learn and improve my knowledge of bullying and the psychology of predatory behavior but to use what you tried to do to me to protect other innocents from people like you.
  9. You also gave me the ability to spot a liar and faker a mile away in the dark! It’s funny how dealing with the likes of you can give one the ability to point out other liars and fakes without ever meeting them.


I survived because my determination to remain standing superseded your desperation to tear me down. I survived because the fire inside me burned hotter and brighter than the fire you ignited around my feet.

My efforts to reach happiness and success outmatched your efforts to keep me miserable and in failure. And my strength to keep going was much bigger than the force you expended to stop me. I prevailed against odds that would’ve proved overwhelming for the likes of you.

I graduated because I kept pushing myself and went on living through enormous threats and circumstances under which you wusses would’ve dropped out.  And the thing is, most people would’ve hated you. But I don’t. ‘You know why?


Because hate is a waste of energy, and I’d rather spend my energy focusing on my goals. I’m too busy working on me and pursuing my own agenda than to hate on anyone. I make it about me. That’s right, class, all about me, my family, and my goals.

(Continued in Part 2…)







Sorry? For What?


I don’t apologize for being who I am. I’m just the way God made me.

I’m not sorry for being a woman, being of my race, having brown hair nor brown eyes. For those are the things that make me me. And I’m happy and secure with it.

I don’t apologize for being a Christian nor for holding certain values- for valuing God and family. For those are the things I hold dear.

I also refuse to be sorry for wrongdoings committed by others. I cannot control the actions of others nor should I be expected to pay for their sins. That is between them and God and they’ll be judged for it one day.

I’m not responsible for any sins other than my own.


Too many people self-loathe and feel guilty for things they haven’t done, which only strips away their happiness and peace of mind. And if you allow others to heap false guilt on your head unjustly, what do you think they will do next?

Take charge of your happiness and your life. And know that anyone who tries to force you to feel something you shouldn’t feel or do something that is either degrading to you or that you don’t want to do, you should have no more to do with them.

Continue to love yourself. Apologize only for what you’re guilty of and to the person you transgressed against. And if that person doesn’t accept your apology, that’s on them and you should love yourself enough to get on with it.


Bullying and Toxic Shame


Bullies ritually beat their victims down to the point that the poor targets have come to view themselves through the eyes of their bullies. Toxic shame is, perhaps, the worst type of shame a person can have. Because once you begin to view yourself through the eyes of your abusers, that’s when you know you’ve hit rock bottom.

Their contempt, disgust, and aversion toward you have rubbed off on you, and you began to hate yourself. But I want you to understand that this is what your bullies want. They want you to hate yourself. Because the bullies know that if they can work on you and finally get you to hate yourself, they know they’ve won.

Your bullies aren’t stupid. They know that you’ll submit to the abuse because when a person hates themselves, they think they deserve abuse.


When a target of bullying suffers from toxic shame, they accuse themselves of sins of which they aren’t guilty. They apologize incessantly over things that aren’t their fault. Ultimately, targets feel guilty for merely existing!

Toxic shame causes one to lose trust in himself and their decisions and judgments, and become afraid to make them. Ultimately, it makes for a miserable life.

The points mentioned above are why we must guard our self-esteem and confidence. But before we can do that, we must educate ourselves on where bullying comes from, the mindsets of bullies, how to spot them before they strike, ways for targets to minimize the effects of bullying, and the damage bullying can do. Only then will we have the knowledge to empower, protect, and take care of ourselves.


This is what this blog is all about, and it’s my wish that targets and potential targets learn these things to defend themselves. Because if we can reduce the number of victims, we can then reduce bullying.


A Survivor’s Message


Many bullied kids (and adults) are committing suicide. This should hit home with many people because the suicide rate among bullied kids and teens is astronomical! It certainly hits home with me because I attempted suicide at age fourteen after having been bullied for several years.

Therefore, I wrote, “From Victim to Victor: A Survivor’s True Story of Her Experiences with School Bullying,” to tell my story and to give encouragement to today’s youth. I survived, and things got much better once I left that toxic learning environment I was bullied in.


I want the bullied children and teens of today to know these truths:

  1. They can overcome and move on to a better life.
  2. School is only one chapter of their lives, not the entire book.
  3. There are better ways to handle bullying other than taking your own life.
  4. They must love themselves and be themselves regardless of what others think.
  5. They are just as good as anyone else, regardless of what they’re told.
  6. They can do anything they put their minds to if they believe in themselves.
  7. They must educate themselves about bullies, their mindsets, their tactics, and the damage they can do.
  8. They must recognize the beginning symptoms of low self-esteem and find ways to fight it.
  9. They must realize that if bullies take their confidence, then bullies can alter the course of their lives.
  10. They have more power than they know.
  11. Confidence is the key to a better and more rewarding life.

Care home ‘bullied worker with coronavirus to return to work at home where five patients died’ — Metro

This is inexcuseable! A home health worker infected with Coronavirus is bullied into returning to work where others died! Who does this???

Tatianna Dancy says she was pressured into returning to work despite testing positive for Covid-19, which has killed five residents of her care home

via Care home ‘bullied worker with coronavirus to return to work at home where five patients died’ — Metro

“A Mile in Charlotte’s Shoes” by Cherie White (Excerpt from Upcoming Book)


Charlotte thought back to when she was ten years old. Her best friend at the time was Vera. She and Vera were walking down the street together one afternoon, after getting off at the bus stop. Vera was her only friend.

“I don’t understand it.” Charlotte told her, “All people do is run over me and I don’t hurt anybody. At least I try not to hurt anybody.”

“Then fight, Charlotte! You’ve just got to fight!”

“But I don’t know how to fight!” Charlotte replied.

“You will sooner or later.” Vera said, her statement seeming more like a prophecy, “Anytime you have people constantly bullying you, especially like they do you and me, you learn to fight real fast! It’s like my grandma said, ‘You either fight and stand your ground, or they kill your spirit. You decide.’”

This was before Vera’s drunken father killed her and her mother. Vera had been the only true friend Charlotte knew. Now sixteen years old, Charlotte continued thinking of her deceased friend as she had off and on since Vera’s death. Vera Thompson truly was the best friend Charlotte had ever had.


Sure, Charlotte had Maddie as a friend now. But was Maddie a real friend?

Maddie was a frequent sellout and often didn’t treat Charlotte like much of a friend at all. Maddie’s two-faced self could never measure up to Vera. Charlotte knew that Maddie was only with her because no one else wanted her around. And Charlotte didn’t want the type of friend who only befriended her as a last resort. She didn’t want friendship from anyone who only saw her as the only option available. That was pathetic!

But what else could she do?

Charlotte knew that being alone at Beulah High School was to attract predators, not that she didn’t attract enough of them already. But didn’t wolves always target the prey who was separated from the rest of the herd?

At least if she had someone- anyone with her, the bullying had less of a chance of becoming a royal feeding freezy.