Only for Purposes of Self-Preservation

“I could never be that desperate and you could never be that lucky.”

That was my comeback to a group of male bullies after one called out to me as I walked past them, “Hey! My buddy says he’s madly in love with you!” Being in the seventh grade and the smartass that I was, I made sure not to miss a chance to deliver a snappy and scathing one-liner to someone acting like a total arse.

I knew that this was his cowardly way of instigating a conflict between me and his buddy, then standing back, at a safe distance to watch. It was also his way of baiting his buddy into insulting me in front of everyone and getting his kicks from my humiliation. Only it backfired in his face.

Those that heard it either shouted, “BURN!” and laughed at the boys, or scowled at me and reminded me of how I’d “stooped just as low as them”, by countering with such a scathing return-fire.

Why am I telling you this story, you may wonder? It’s to make a point.

And my point is that sometimes, you have to go just as low as the bullies- you must not be afraid to get down and dirty and you mustn’t care what anyone else thinks about it.

Understand that with bullies, sometimes there’s no being polite and no being the bigger person. There’s no such thing as “playing fair” nor being nice about it.

Bullies don’t comprehend the meaning of class or couth. They don’t understand morals and scruples. They have no concept of decency and respectability. The only language bullies understand is a language that is cheap, tacky, and unsavory.

Bullies (and anyone who is even remotely impressed by them) are a dime a dozen. They really are. And sometimes you must speak in the only language they understand before they’ll get the message and back the hell off!

I understand your discomfort with this. It sucks when you must get down and wallow in the bullies’ foulness and filth with them. But for purposes of self-preservation, sometimes there’s no other choice but to lower your own moral standards.

The good news is that you don’t have to stay in the mud but only reserve the nastiness for emergencies like the one in the above story.

Stephen King’s “Carrie”

The first time I saw Carrie was when I was a senior in high school and I couldn’t help but hurt for her.

She’s a high school senior who’s bullied by her classmates and abused by her psychotic and religious fanatic mother. It seems that Carrie can never get away from the drama and she longs for the things that everyone else seems to come by so easily.

One thing she does have that her classmates don’t is telekinetic powers- powers that she uses as a powerful weapon at the end of the movie. And when I got to see her pour out her wrath upon the people who treated her so badly, I was cheering her on inside and find myself secretly wishing that I too had those powers.

I think we all did if we ever saw the movie.

“Carrie” was Stephen King’s first published book that soared to the top of the best seller list, then became a movie in the 70’s. It’s an awesome movie for Halloween. If you haven’t seen it, you should.

4 Changes That Bullying Causes in Targets – Beware!

Once a person suffers bullying for so long, changes in the brain occur- changes that aren’t good. Here are these changes:

1. The target becomes exhausted and loses the will to fight back. Being bullied is extremely tiring. Bullies know this and deliberately wear their victims down to take the fight out of them and wrest control over their lives.

Although at first, the target may defend themselves and fiercely assert their rights to human dignity and respect, most bullies don’t recognize any human rights but only see self-defense and protection as an affront to their power. They then only double down- intensify the hatred until they mentally and physically exhaust their target.

The target finally loses their will to fight back and acquiesces because he’s just worn slap out and no longer has the strength to fight anymore.

2. He loses the ability to recognize mistreatment. When we’re used to being treated well, we can more clearly see poor treatment and know the difference when it happens. But after so long of enduring bullying, the lines get blurred, and our eyes lose the ability to see aggression so clearly- especially if the hostility we face is subtle. We finally reach a point where we don’t recognize the bullying at all!

3. The target becomes conditioned to accept bad behavior from others. After so long, you come to believe what bullies tell you- that you’re a terrible person and that you somehow deserve to be treated shabbily.

These damaging self-beliefs happen after the bullies, their followers, and bystanders have repeatedly prevented you from defending and taking care of yourself. They have, for so long, drummed into your head that you are worthless, useless, evil, mentally unstable- take your pick. They repeat the same lies over and over until they force you to believe it too.

4. The target begins to punish himself. The victim does this by engaging in risky or self-destructive behaviors. He may hang with the wrong people and befriend those who only tolerate them. Targeted girls may participate in risky sexual behavior or having relationships with abusive partners.

Understand that we must be vigilant to take care of our mental health and self-esteem if we want to avoid these results in the future. Make sure you have a friend outside of the bullying environment that you can talk to and that your family is supportive. Do things you enjoy and keep company with positive and uplifting people any time you’re away from the bullies.

Your goal is to balance the bullying you suffer by adding healthy and positive relationships and experiences outside the bullying environment. This balance will soften the blows to your self-esteem and provide a buffer to your bullies’ attacks.

WordPress Issues

Here lately, WordPress, for some reason or another, has put a lot of sincere comments and replies I’ve gotten into my Spam Folder- comments and replies that AREN’T spam. And I’ve found them later.

I try my best to give a prompt response to every comment and reply I get. The only times I’m not so prompt is when I’m sick, asleep, away from my computer, away from home, or when WP mistakingly puts them in Spam.

So, with that said. I’d like to offer a sincere apology to those who have had to wait for an extended time for a response.  Know that all comments are important and I have every intention of responding.

Also, I’m having an issue with my Followers List, it seems that it’s not showing the follows that followed before Feb. 15 and I’ve spoken to a technician that says they’re there but there’s a bug in the system somewhere. So, to all my followers that followed me before Feb 15 of this year, know that I have every intention of reading your blogs and interacting with you. I just can’t see you on the list right now and I can’t remember all the bloggers on the list. So, if you don’t hear from me, you will as soon as the developers at WP debug my list page and I can see you again. I apologize to all of you.

Blessings to you all.

Today’s Quote

“I was bullied as a kid, and I got a job on television. And I had a camera. So, I wanted to go after those business bullies. And I’ve just been following that instinct.”

~ John Stossel ~

3 Things You Must Do to Find Out Who Your Friends Are

Are you ready for this? Here goes: You do it by being yourself, by setting boundaries, and by speaking and standing in your truth. I’ll explain deeper.

Be Yourself. Too many people put on fake personas for friendship and approval. What they don’t realize is that most of their friends aren’t really for them, they only act like they are and can reak lots of havoc in their lives if they aren’t careful! I want you to realize that like attracts like.

When you’re fake, you only attract more like-minded people into your world- fakes, fraudsters, and imposters! But understand that when you start being yourself, these people will naturally be repelled because they won’t like it.

Being real has a way of intimidating and threatening the fake. It strikes fear in them because a person who’s for real has a chance of exposing all who are fake. Is it any wonder that fake people either stay away from or bully those who are real? It’s because realness scares them to death!

Personal boundary. Prohibiting palm, psychotherapy icon vector illustration

Set Boundaries. This is a biggie! Setting boundaries is not easy. It can be frightening sometimes, especially when someone pushes you too far and the situation calls for you to put on your bitch-face and show your booty to people. But don’t worry about what others will think of it or say about it.

Boundaries always expose the fakes. Always! When you start setting boundaries, watch how people react! You’ll be amazed at how many people get angry and upset! You will automatically see their evil sides as they immediately turn against you, trying to lay guilt trips on you or smearing you to others.

But understand that anyone who gets angry at you for having boundaries only does so because they’ve benefited all this time from you not having any. Do you think they want those benefits to stop?

Don’t be afraid to let these people go because they never were your friends and therefore don’t belong in your life. Your real friends, on the other hand, will be happy for you and will cheer you on because they will want what’s best for you and to see you happy.

Speak and Stand in Your Truth. When you begin freely speaking out about past abuse and bullying, you can bet that you’ll make a lot of people angry. You’ll make bitter enemies not only of the people who wronged you in the past but also of those who stood by and watched it happen but fail to stop it.

Even if you don’t use their names and choose not to identify them, it won’t matter. Understand that any abuse thrives on silence. Abusers and most bystanders don’t want you talking about it at all!

They are sometimes those we call friends. Abusers can’t chance being exposed and seen by others in a negative light and they’ll go to great lengths to shut you down.
But again. This is how you weed out all the fakes and expose people for who they are. Deep-six these people. Fast!

Understand that for a garden to not only grow but flourish, you must get rid of all the weeds. It’s the same with the people in our lives. If we are surrounded by users, abusers, and people who only stifle us, we have no chance of growth and advancement.

But when you remove all the junk, you make room for a better quality of people to come into your life. Do these three things, to expose and get rid of the weeds.
You’ll be surprised at how it changes your life and of the quality of friends who come into your life later!

Bullying Will Either Make You or Break You

make or break

All too often, whether at school or work, it’s the best of the best who get bullied- children and teens with pure hearts of gold, empathetic coworkers, the very people who don’t deserve it, and who want to make the world a better place.

These are the people who are team players, who are cooperative, and who deeply care about others. They extend kindness to others and will give you the shirts off their backs if you needed it.

Understand that simply caring– about anyone or anything is going to be painful. It’s why so many who were once kind and caring people are now cold, hard, angry, and bitter. These people were relentlessly bullied and they allowed it to make them cold and mean. They are often those who adopt the “I’m going to get you before you get me” attitude.

narcissist bad attitude

For a long time, I was one of those people. After being bullied, I became no better than they were. I’m thankful that my eyes were opened and that I no longer have to resort to cruelty to protect myself. And I’m much happier and more confident in who I am!

Bullying has a way of taking it all out of you. It can take your self-esteem, your confidence, your happiness, your love and kindness for others, your energy, your health- even your will to live. But only if you let it!

Bullying will either make or break you.
It will either wise you up or dumb you down.

Either way, these results are up to you.

Bullying changes a person, no doubt about it. But don’t let it make you bitter. Let it make you better!

Crappy Advice Often Given to Targets of Bullying

If you have ever been a target of bullying, how many of these did you hear from your well-meaning family members and friends when you were trying to deal with the onslaught of bullies?

  1. Keep a low profile
  2. Keep your nose clean
  3. Tread lightly
  4. Don’t rock the boat
  5. Don’t make waves
  6. Tone it down a little
  7. Don’t draw attention to yourself
  8. Stay out of the way
  9. Keep your head down
  10. Don’t poke the bear
  11. Make yourself scarce
  12. Be nonchalant
  13. Stay out of trouble
  14. Go the extra mile
  15. Try to blend in

If you were ever told one (or more) of these 15 things, feel free to comment!

Blogger’s Butt

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I haven’t been practicing self-care as I should. Oh, yes, I stick up for myself anytime someone violates my psychological boundaries. However, I haven’t been focusing enough on my physical health and I’ve put on a few pounds because I sit behind a computer for sometimes hours a day.

What really stinks is that I eat like a bird due to having had GBS in 2012. But! I don’t get up and move like I should and have lost the pep in my step. I’ve also noticed my caboose getting wider.

Ugh! Middle-Age Spread, here I come!

My energy is pretty much non-existent and although I don’t eat a lot of junk, I could eat a little better. The sluggishness I’ve felt is yucky, to put it mildly.

Luckily, I found a Keto blog and I absolutely loved it! And, I’ve been thinking about trying the Keto plan and doing HIT (High-Intensity Training) in the mornings. Oh, yes, I know I picked a fine time to start with Thanksgiving and Christmas around the corner. But, I do need to start feeling better. So, there’s no time like the present to start taking better care of myself!

Wish me luck. And pray I stay on the wagon until I get to cheat a little on Thanksgiving. Then it’s back at it again until Christmas. 🙂

Responding in Kind

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with responding in kind when someone tries to mistreat you. It shows that you command the dignity and respect that’s due to the next person and that you won’t tolerate crap from bullies. It also shows that you have the guts to stand your ground when some creep violates your boundaries.

As a society, we’ve been conditioned by politicians, the media, corporations, educators, and even certain members of our families that responding in kind only makes us as bad as the bullies. And we’re still being conditioned to believe it. We’re being told to “ignore” people’s atrocious behavior, and in some cases, even submit to it.

However, I want you to understand that the only thing bullies understand is strength and power and anyone they deem as weak is fair game.

Therefore, if you don’t respond in kind to bad behavior, bullies will get the message that there are no consequences for their abuse and that they can walk on you anytime they feel like it. There’ll be no stopping them from escalating the bullying and no limit to what they’ll try next.

Full Length of Two Adult Woman Standing Side by Side with Hands on Hips in Separate Lanes of Outdoor Running Track – Two Friends Sizing Up Competition

You must set boundaries, and how you set boundaries is by imposing consequences on anyone who violates those boundaries. But how do you impose consequences? By responding in kind to bullies when they cross the line.

Notice I say “respond” and not react. By responding the right way, you show that you’re not afraid to stand your ground and that you command the same dignity and respect given to the next person.

There’s no law that says that you must accept abuse from anyone. Yet, we’re very subtly being told that we should take it, and with a smile, and a yes sir/ma’am, then ask for seconds. In today’s world, society tries to dictate that we should agree to abuse.

Um- no! That’s now how life or human nature works! Every action is followed by a response!

Bullies must realize that there are consequences if they harm another person. And we must realize that it is the threat of consequences that keeps the bad guys from coming for us and keeps us safe. Without accountability, there would be chaos and anarchy! Bullies would have free reign over us all.

So, never be afraid to respond in kind and never feel guilty for it. It’s normal, expected, and it’s how you defend yourself and treat yourself well.

The more you know…

If You’re Going to Play the Fool, Be a Genius at It

stupid idiot

Though bullies may think you’re the stupidest person on the face of the earth, you can turn it against them and to your own advantage if you do it right.

Nobody likes to feel stupider than the next person and bullies have a way of making you feel that way. The feeling that someone else is smarter than you are can be unbearable and if bullies get the feeling that you’re smarter than them, they’ll always try to justify it by saying things like,

“You may have all the book smarts in the world, but not have a lick of common sense.”

My classmates always used to say, “she may be good at writing and singing, but she ain’t good at anything else!” or my personal favorite, “If it weren’t for her singing voice or writing talent, she wouldn’t be worth a damn!”

But here’s a nugget of reality they hadn’t learned and even today, still don’t know: Everyone’s a dummy outside of their talents, gifts, and fields!

Fish can’t fly,
Birds can’t swim,
Most pro football players can’t write fiction novels,
And most singers and writers probably suck at sports!

Stephen King is a fantastic writer, but probably couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket!

My point is that everyone has something they’re good at, maybe some haven’t found out what it is, but everyone has a talent somewhere!

I can’t count the times that people- classmates and some teachers, told me that very same line to remind me that I wasn’t as smart as I made myself out to be, even when I made good grades and high marks or was recognized for an achievement.

I seemed to get that little reminder all the time.

But understand that people will say things like this any time they feel you are surpassing them at something. Even better they lull themselves into thinking you are dumber than anyone else! But if you see it as an opportunity, you can turn tables on bullies and make utter fools out of them- right before the eyes of everyone else!

So, let them delude themselves into a false sense of superiority. Oh yes! You read that correctly! Let them think you’re the dumbest, most ignorant fool around because it’s the first step in laying your trap for them.

And once they get the idea that you’re so dumb you couldn’t pour piss out of a boot, that’s when it’s time to pull something elaborate, sly, and shady as hell!

Look dumber than your bullies and their perceptions of you will be your shield- your cover when you slyly bait them or attack them, trick or deceive them! And if they do find out you were behind it, it’ll be too late, and they’ll look like blooming idiots!

I’ll give you an example from when I was in middle school (then called junior high):

During the seventh grade, a group of girl bullies sat at the table next to mine and they were brutal. One day, suddenly and out of the clear blue, they began acting nice.

I knew there had to be a catch somewhere, but I decided to humor them just to see what they wanted. Don’t they all want something when they suddenly begin pouring on the pleasantries? Sure enough, they very sweetly asked me to take up their trays (Ah-HA!!!)

There it was, having seen them do the same to a smaller boy in the class, I smiled at them, and agreed to do it. So, I decided to be their maid for a while, having cooked up something evil to spring on them.

Yep! I was a bit of a stinker back then.

Other kids laughed and thought I was a complete pushover. But I knew something they didn’t, and they’d soon find out when the opportunity arrived for me to put my plan into action.

I continued to play maidservant to them for the next week until they decided that they were going to get up and leave the lunchroom. The girls got a little bit too comfortable. They left their trays, empty milk cartons, dirty napkins, and other garbage lying on the table. They were so certain that I’d clean up behind them after they left.

I only got up and went to my next class, leaving those trays sitting right there on the table, where the girls had left them. As a result, the cafeteria ladies got the names of all the girls and reported them to the principal!

Ruh-roh!

The principal then came and got those girls out of class, took them back to the cafeteria, and made them clean up their mess. Oooh, the humiliation they suffered!

Word got around about it in a matter of minutes, and the girls became laughing stocks of the school! School staff would scowl at the girls and other kids pointed fingers at them, calling them nasty pigs, dirty butts, skanks, slobs, and other degrading names!

‘You see? I played stupid for a while, then ended up making them look like the utter trash they were.

I’ll be honest here. I was loving every minute of it! And their reactions? Fury! Rage! They immediately threatened physical retaliation. They yelled, screamed, called me all kinds of names, while I stood there and snickered.

Luckily nothing happened and best of all, they never bothered me again after their anger cooled. They learned a valuable lesson in this: Never underestimate someone you think is stupid. They just might prove to be smarter than you think.

And if the opportunity presents itself, why not take it?

Today’s Quote

“When people take you for being stupid, it can be a good thing if you know how to use it to your advantage.

You can be sneaky and use the label to deceive them. You can pull some sly, shady stuff and get away with it because no one would ever suspect it was you. They’d never believe you were smart enough to pull it off!

If You’re Going to Play the Fool, Be a Genius at It!”

~ Cherie White ~