https://youtube.com/watch?v=bQxE6UEIK8A%3Fversion%3D3%26rel%3D1%26fs%3D1%26autohide%3D2%26showsearch%3D0%26showinfo%3D1%26iv_load_policy%3D1%26wmode%3Dtransparent
Mark is very clear when he expresses his thoughts on bullies and keyboard warriors, and he gives good advice. Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQxE6UEIK8A
Bullies may not have anything on you. Therefore, they must search. Oh, yes! Bullies have to search for dirt. They must look hard for something to get angry at you about. Bullies are on a constant hunt for things that are possibly wrong with you and believe me. They’re like hounds sniffing a trail.
Bullies will search- and search- and search! They will hunt for anything, no matter how trivial and no matter how minute or tiny the flaw. Then when they find it, they will blow it up- make a big deal of it.
So, understand that bullies are always on the prowl for dirt, controversy, and scandal. And if they can’t find anything, don’t think they won’t invent something.
If bullies select you as their target, they will go over everything about you with a fine-toothed comb.
But know this.
If your bullies have to look for stuff to use to throw shade on you, they were probably never bothered by you in the first place. And, truth be known, they’re probably not bothered by you now. So, rest assured you did nothing to get on their “shadar.”
I want you to realize this.
It’s not about them being angry, offended, or bothered. What it is about is POWER! All about power and nothing else!
Every bit of it is a power-play to put you in your place, to force you under their thumb, and to hurt you.
Bullies do it to tear you down, discourage you from defending and protecting yourself. They do it to convince you that you’re nothing, no good, and always wrong. They do it to show you who’s boss- that they’re in charge of your life and you’re not. And that there’s nothing you can do to stop them from harming you.
That’s it, in a nutshell.
Attention all of my blogger friends. My blog is really acting screwy and I’m unable to reply to some of your comments. So, if you don’t see a reply or comment, it isn’t because I didn’t try. I’ve contacted WordPress over this and hopefully, they will get this fixed soon. Thank you so much for being a part of my network of awesome bloggers! And know that I’m grateful for each and every one of you.
That’s what bullying is to bullies, an aphrodisiac. It’s the only way bullies can feel good. Hurting other people, they select as targets is like a drug to them. It’s highly addictive because it gives them a massive rush of power.
I want you to understand that targeting people for attacks and bullying is how these people find meaning in their lives. And the only excitement they can add to their meaningless lives is through the mistreatment of their victims. Simply put, bullies bully because they enjoy it!
People crave power, fame, notoriety, and influence- even the best of them. But most people can get those through love, through their hobbies, jobs, talent, and creativity. Bullies, on the other hand, don’t have these things going for them. Some might have jobs but aren’t satisfied in their positions. So, they abuse people instead.
Bullies either can’t get those benefits any other way, or they can’t get enough of them. So, for them, destroying the lives of their targets is the only power they have.
And once their victim is no longer available to them because he’s either quit, moved, or died by suicide, that drug, that aphrodisiac isn’t there anymore. So, what do the bullies do? They search for another target to get their next fix- their power high, because they need authority over somebody, anybody.
Understand that this “fix” always wears off, and bullies consistently need another dose. So, again, once their “drug (victim)” is gone, they may even turn on one of their friends if they can’t find a target outside their peer group.
My point is that if you’re a target of bullies. You are not the one with the issues.
Your bullies are the ones who have the problems. Your bullies are the ones who are severely mentally unbalanced. Your bullies are the ones who belong in mental institutions; they only hide it behind their undermining and degrading of you and others. Realize that they’re only projecting their problems onto you. Your bullies are using you to distract everyone else from mental illnesses of their own. And they have to work hard at it, which doesn’t make for a good life.
Always remember that, and their insults and stupidity won’t bother you as much. I promise you!
If you’re a target of bullying, I almost certain that you’ve had bullies tell the most outrageous and outright ridiculous falsehoods about you- lies which were laughable at best. And shockingly, everyone in the place actually believed that garbage! And you wondered, “How could anyone with even a lick of sense believe such moronic tales!”
It seemed as if everyone around you was smoking crack. They’d have to be to believe such tripe!
Understand that anytime you’re a target of bullying; you’re at your absolute worst! Anyone would be at their worst under the extreme pressure that bullying brings. Anytime a person is bullied by everyone, it doesn’t matter how strong they are, how brave they are, how beautiful, how awesome their personalities are, they will eventually be overcome with exhaustion and taken down.
If you’re bullied long enough, by enough people, you’ll only be able to stay strong and withstand it for so long. Because we’re all human, and no one can hold up under that kind of stress and adversity forever.
Bullies instinctively know this. So, they increase the abuse until you begin to crack. You will be overwhelmed with so many emotions. You’ll be completely paranoid- and with good reason!
You’ll be furious, you’ll be terrified, shocked, confused, and stressed to the extreme! Your appetite will be gone, and you’ll get very little sleep. You’ll have lots of your hair falling out, and your stomach will be in knots. You’ll have excruciating headaches. At times, you’ll feel nauseated and even vomit!
Should it be any wonder that people believe everything they hear about you?
They’ve seen you morph from a cheerful, reliable, responsible, and reasonable person to a stressed out, hot mess of a train wreck who’s barely able to function, much less concentrate on schoolwork or work projects.
Here’s another thing:
Joseph Goebbels, who was the minister of propaganda to Adolf Hitler, said it best when he made these statements,
“Tell a lie once, and it remains a lie. Tell a lie a thousand times, and it becomes the truth.”
“The bigger the lie, the more it will be believed.”
Believe it or not, people will believe the big, outlandish lies before they accept the little white lies that make more sense. If we hear something about another person, especially if it’s something huge and horrible and comes from a person we trust and with a little bit of power, we may feel shocked and disbelief at first, we will eventually end up believing it.
And the reason we end up believing it is that the repercussions of severe wrongdoing are so enormous that we don’t want to think that anyone would tell such a big fat lie about someone if there isn’t some truth to it.
We cling to the belief that if a person is audacious enough to make such an accusation about another person, then somewhere, there must be evidence to back it up. Otherwise, they wouldn’t dare make such bold accusations and risk being proven wrong and made to look like a fool!
So, we hold on to the idea that where there’s smoke, there’s fire and allow caution and speculation to supersede any logic. And if we expect trouble to come from a specific place, that’s where we’re going to look.
And when we look for a specific thing, we usually find it.
Also, if a lie is something that goes against the target’s character, we’re more likely to believe it strictly because any story of hypocrisy has a certain amount of shock value and entertainment to it as long as the story is about someone else and not us.
Another reason we’re more prone to believe a big fat lie is because it frightens the crap out of us. When people hear a lie so big and outrageous, it makes them wonder if they ever really knew the target at all. And the idea that someone they know could do such a horrible thing scares people to death.
Is it all making sense now? Great!
The more you know, the better!
Gossip is purely judgmental and includes hasty generalizations about the target’s character and private life, which has nothing to do with the school, community, or workplace. The purpose of gossip is to control the target’s status by demoting the target on the social hierarchy.
Another purpose of gossip is to justify any punishment of the target by promoting a collective view that the victim doesn’t deserve respect, dignity, or humanity, but only abuse and hostility.
And once a target is viewed to deserve abuse, others will always escalate it!
Gossip has another benefit. It tightens group connections, gives higher status to the people who are privy to the negative information, and sets expectations and norms in the group as to how they should treat the target.
Through gossip, the group establishes, maintains, or changes social infrastructures. Gossip promotes unity and shared negative perceptions of the target. With the use of it, the group will foster justification for hostility. Therefore, no one in the group considers their actions as bullying. They will only say that the target “deserves it” and say they were reacting to “an evil enemy.”
People tell others to keep it secret, but they also ask them to inform the group of any new information and updates that concern their target.
Realize that it serves to provide bullies reaffirmations that their perceptions of the target are correct, that the target deserves abuse.
Gossipers will often cover their bad behavior with a slight confession of guilt by beginning their sentences with things like,
“I know I shouldn’t say this, but…”
“Poor thing…”
“Bless her heart…”
They will acknowledge that the target is a human being, but only because this gives them the green light to go on talking and helps them to feel less like the creeps they are.
It’s true that reputation doesn’t equal character. But understand that the rumors may, in fact, be false and there may be zero credible evidence to back them up. But if pure speculation best fits the bullies’ goals, that’s what they will go along with.
In the late stages of gossip, all bystanders will become willing co-conspirators. Gossip brings scandal, which means to assassinate the target’s character, integrity, mental fitness, and worth as a student, worker, neighbor, or human being.
Anyone who questions or disbelieves the lies will immediately become an object of bullying as well. Nobody wants to be isolated, so this forces others to stay in line with the running narrative.
And if the target attempts to defend himself or speak out against the abuse, it will be used against him.
Unfortunately, at this stage, the only way for the target to ensure his safety and escape the abuse is to leave the toxic environment and go to a new place where he can start anew, establish new connections, and reinvent himself.
Remember the character, Chris Chambers, in the movie “Stand by Me.” Although he was a great kid, he was considered a rogue and a thief. Remember the scene where he was crying to his friend, Gordy, telling him about how he got his bad name, and wishing he could go somewhere where no one knew him.
And sadly, in a majority of cases, targets must leave the school, company, or community to heal and to rebuild their lives.
I want to take the time to reblog Raza on The Road. This blogger blogs focuses on Self-Development and the posts are well-written and advice is easy to follow. Please check out this very informative blog!
Wishing you all a very happy Thursday!
We all know the incredibly slim chances of winning a lottery, right?Yet $72 Billion USD is spent each year on lotteries in the United States alone. While nearly $20 Billion AUD is spent in Australia annually. That’s a whopping amount for something you have an extremely thin chance of achieving. Yet this industry remains an […]
via The Power of Hope — Raza on The Road
As a young, Jewish girl who immigrated to the United States from the Soviet Union (now Russia) during the eighties, Chava Boroda has known the worst forms of oppression, bullying, and persecution. Below is a wonderful piece she has written and it’s well worth the read. Antisemitism is on the rise in today’s hostile world and sadly, the media seems to be sparse in its coverage of it. Only when we publicly address a problem will it be solved. Congratulations, Chava!
“As a Jew, I have always felt need to be the torchbearer of light into promoting peace and tolerance” – California-based Chava Boroda.
“When I finally established my own Jewish home – I knew that my mission should’ve been enhanced though making Judaism understandable and accessible for the Jewish people, as well as non-Jewish community” – she shares in her interview about the Jewish approach toward peace and tolerance.
Kyiv-born Chava spent her childhood in an environment, where she faced antisemitism as an integral part of the Soviet ideology and mentality, which often hurt her feelings, but never her faith.
“I’ve always had a critical eye toward man-made challenges, which tend to create so many obstacles for different layers of society. Even at an early age – I made an analysis that antisemitism often derives from ignorance among gentiles, who have almost no information about what Judaism is and who the Jews are”.
After arriving in the United States, Chava was taught about peace-building and tackling hate speech through education and activism. “Do not hate what you do not understand” – were the words that she cultivated into her thinking and used as a guide to establishing bridges between the Jews and non-Jews. Nevertheless, she has a mission to educate Jews themselves about their inspiring story spanning over and not limited to the middle ages, migration routes, Shtetls, Holocaust, or their struggle to establish the State of Israel.
“I knew that I had to make a move and bring education to non-Jews about Judaism. Especially after bringing five children into this world – I had a firm belief to ensure that generation of my children and children to come would not face antisemitism caused by ignorance toward the Jewish people”. Ever since her children were small, she has provided them with Jewish upbringing, but also fostered the development of their creative energy and talents in the secular world.
As a proud Jew, Chava has spent the last 25 years making Judaism appealing for all. Apart from working with non-Jews, she has a profound desire to bring all the Jewish communities together by embracing their unique cultural traits and peculiarities.
“I admire the mission of the YAD VASHEM in the world in maintaining the memory of the Holocaust among billions of people worldwide. There is one particular aspect of YAD VASHEM, which I have incorporated into my work and goals – stressing out the importance of the Righteous of the Nations, who saved Jews from the atrocities and often risked their lives”. She believes that if more gentiles had been educated about Judaism pre-WWII – then more people would stand up for their Jewish neighbors or compatriots. The latter argumentation is the sole factor for her work toward promoting tolerance and raising generations who will dare to speak out if they witness discrimination of antisemitism.
Chava has worked with thousands of young people in North America, Israel, and former Soviet Union space educating them about her Refusenik past, as well as raising awareness about promoting peace and understanding between people of various ethnic or religious backgrounds. In her mentoring efforts with young people, Chava cultivates tolerance as a fundamental identity.
“My inspiration derives from Abraham, the first Jew, who is recognized as a prophet by all three Abrahamic religions in the world.” She fully aligns herself with the ideas of the United Nations that “diversity is a form of wealth, not a factor of division”.
Chava sees great potential in the post-COVID 19 era, which has the potential of bringing more empathy among people, who have been witnessing how the whole world has fallen in the same boat against the pandemic. She hopes that more people will look through the “we the people” prism toward the need to build more accepting societies.
“With ongoing clashes between the police and public in the United States – it has become more obvious that educating people about peace and tolerance between all shall be an integral part of educating as early as kindergarten. Ever since I step my foot in the United States at age 14 and as a political refugee from the USSR, I made a realization, which inspires my work every day – diversity is a strength and not a weakness. Tolerance is always nurtured and I am excited to continue my daily work in the digital era and with all the age groups” – Chava shares.
Although I’m female and have discussed bullying mainly from a female perspective, I would like to help you distinguish between the plights of bullied girls and bullied boys. Wishing everyone peace, health, love, and happiness!
In the case of the female target, after having been bullied by her peers and reporting it to school staff and even members of her own family; only to be rebuffed, ignored, or blamed, she feels alone in the world and that no one understands her.
Bullied girls are shamed in their looks, femininity, and virtues. They are called names like “hoe,””whore,” “slut”, and often shamed about their weight and their appearance. Even sadder is the reality that if their self-esteem is low enough, some live up to the names they’re called.
Consequently, as a result of not feeling loved by family and or her peers, she is more likely to use the only thing she feels she has left to offer- her sex appeal. Some bullied girls turn to sexual/dating partners to get the love and approval they’re missing out on and crave so badly. This usually does not end well.
For boys, however, it can be much worse. In most cases, boys don’t have the option to use the opposite sex as a Band-Aid for their emotional needs. Boys are expected to be strong and tough…to display manhood. All too often, the bullied boy has been emasculated and he sees no way to reclaim his manhood.
In essence, his bullies will do everything in their power to strip him of “manhood” and feminize him. Male targets are often called “sissy”, “pussy”, “bitch” and other names that attack masculinity and cause them to feel less like men.
Also, it’s considered taboo for a boy to report being bullied. Oftentimes, young men who complain of being bullied are referred to by others as a “whiner” and told to “toughen up”, “suck it up” or “man up” because they’re going against what is perceived as “man-code”. This can also erode male self-esteem.
Once a young man is stripped of his manhood, it’s next to impossible for him to get a date and find love. Although the suicide rate among females has skyrocketed, It remains to be much higher in males.
No matter what, we must encourage bullied males to speak out and report bullies who torment them. We must also encourage them to seek therapy. Males must also have older males in their lives who remind them of their worth as men and re-enforce it.
Females must be encouraged to speak out and get help as well. And they must also have older female role models who instill in them that they are just as good, just as whole, and just as beautiful without a boyfriend and that it’s okay to be alone.
Today was a good day. I got out of bed good and early, got dressed and left the house to run some errands. I got back and networked with some great blogger friends. My blog is growing and I meet new people here every day. So, I make it a point to read their blogs and network with them because I would want the same and I enjoy making other bloggers feel good and like they matter to someone.
I also love to learn and try to dedicate a few hours to reading, then another few hours to writing future posts, then work on the current book I plan to publish next. After this, I do housework and lastly, begin preparing supper when the time for my husband’s arrival home from work draws near.
But it seems that no matter how well I try to schedule everything, something gets neglected and I feel like such a heel. Especially when I’m unable to read the posts of my fellow bloggers and comment on them.
So, I tried dedicating an entire day of just liking and responding to comments and reading the posts of my followers, followers, blogger friends, even the posts of strangers I haven’t met. But sometimes I don’t get finished that day, then I can’t remember the next day where I left off. Ugggh!
So, I’ll probably do things differently- errands and housework for two hours, read 50 blog posts per day, read for two hours, write for two hours, work on a future book for two hours, then prepare our supper just before the hubby gets home.
So, know that I greatly appreciate you all. Also knew that if you don’t see me on your blogs for a time, I promise that I’ll eventually get to you.
In the meantime, please feel free to share how you manage your time between blogging, working, errands, writing, reading, and housework. I know I could learn many things from you guys!
And to those of you who can manage your time well and kick some serious butt every day, my hat comes off to you!
Love you all!
Cherie
I read this poem and surely it has impact on me. I am struggling what to write lately. I wish I can handle it well. The words are swaying on my mind but don’t have a guts to write it and put them in order. 😐😐😐
via Don’t Quit — WORDSNOW HEART
“People who repeatedly attack your confidence and self-esteem are quite aware of your potential, even if you are not.”
~ Wayne Gerard Trotman ~
On Sunday I had a pretty tough day. Fathers Day hit me with a force I was not expecting. It was so powerful, it brought me to my knees. The only other time as an adult I had been hit with such force is when my mom unexpectedly passed. Yesterday, I could not stop […]
via You Only Know What I Want You To Know — Short Story Scribe
“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”
~ Elbert Hubbard ~