scapegoating Archives

Do you want to know the absolute best ways to stop being a scapegoat? Here are the best defenses you must know about.

Scapegoating is the most harmful and alienating experience a person can endure. If you’re being scapegoated like I was, chances are that you’re wondering what to do to put a stop to it. As someone who has been there and has overcome it, I’m giving you the most powerful ways to stop being a scapegoat that have worked for me and others I know.

You are going to learn about the 5 best ways to stop being a scapegoat and, ultimately, take back your life.

After learning about these smart strategies, you will finally reclaim your dignity and peace of mind.

This post is all about the 5 best ways to stop being a scapegoat that every victim should know.

Best Strategies to stop being a scapegoat

1. Learn what scapegoating is and how to recognize it when you see it.

The first step of defense is knowledge. In other words, to stop being a scapegoat, you must know what scapegoating is. Then you will be able to spot it when those around you try to make you one.

So, what is scapegoating, and who are scapegoats?

According to the Cambridge Dictionary, scapegoating is the act of blaming a person or group for something bad that has happened. Or, the act may have been done by someone else.

In other words, the scapegoat is made to bear the burden of someone else’s wrongs. Therefore, they are punished in the place of the guilty person.

Scapegoating also happens when others take all their anger and frustrations out on you. In essence, they’re punishing you for the crappy hand life is dealing them. And they do it whether or not you caused it.

Projecting or projection is another term for this type of scapegoating.

Here’s an example of scapegoating:

A football team loses the big game. Afterward, they blame the benchwarmer for the loss. Maybe it was the quarterback who failed to tackle the opposing player before he reached the goal line.

Or, it could be that another teammate fumbled the ball, which cost them the game. I’m not real football savvy here, but you get the point.

Scapegoats and scapegoating go all the way back to biblical times. During the Old Testament, people gave burnt offerings of lambs to cleanse themselves of sin.

During the Medieval Period, being a scapegoat would put your life in mortal danger. Kings used scapegoats to cover their own wrongdoings. They would do this by forcing the scapegoats to take the blame for their screw-up. Then, they would put them to death.

Executing the scapegoats serves two purposes.

It keeps them quiet
It ensures that the kings continue to smell like roses.

People, especially bullies, do the same today, only in different ways.

Who is usually the scapegoat? They are one who has the least power to fight back. They may be innocent of any wrongdoing. However, that doesn’t matter.

The only thing that matters is that they have the least power to fight back.

2. Set boundaries.

Being a scapegoat comes with being bullied. If you set boundaries, however, people are least likely to bully you. Therefore, there’s also less chance of you being a scapegoat.

Setting boundaries is a must, though not always easy, especially if you’re a victim of bullying. However, you must continue to have boundaries; otherwise, others will only ride roughshod over you.

“What are boundaries?” you might ask.

It’s clearly communicating to others what you will and will not tolerate. It’s also telling them what they can expect if they violate one of your boundaries.

It takes confidence to set boundaries, which, sadly, most victims lack. Moreover, bullies don’t respect boundaries because they don’t acknowledge them. Therefore, you may need to prepare yourself to fight to protect yours.

But I want you to know this. Having boundaries is not wrong. And it isn’t selfish. It gives you the freedom to be yourself. Why? Because you assert your right not to be violated.

If you have no boundaries, you get no respect.

However, whenever you don’t set boundaries, you give up your right to be treated with respect. Therefore, you end up looking like a simp.

People will only take advantage of you. And, over time, they will get comfortable doing so. Even worse, you will come to be known as a pushover whom everyone can crap on.

And you will attract more of the same from total strangers. In that, you make yourself susceptible to being a scapegoat and target of bullying.

Being overly friendly, overly accommodating, and too available does not win respect. It will only do the opposite because people will take your kindness for weakness. In short, you hand over your personal power.

Whereas when you set boundaries, you exercise and speak from a place of self-love. In doing this, you take your personal power back.

when you set boundaries, you take back your personal power

Again, setting boundaries won’t be easy. In fact, it will probably make some people angry. However, understand that there’s a reason people become angry at you for having boundaries.

It’s because they’ve been benefiting from you not having any. And they don’t want those benefits to stop. However, you should be the one who’s pissed. Why? Because they’ve enjoyed those advantages at your expense!

Moreover, you not only set boundaries, but you also need to enforce them!

You must have the courage to set limits, no matter how others feel or how they react. If your boundaries offend people, tough cookies.

Stick to your guns. Keep fighting for your right to be treated with respect. Show them that you will stand up to them no matter what they do.

Eventually, they’ll get tired and realize that you aren’t worth the effort. And they’ll find an easier target.

So, always set boundaries and be prepared to fight to protect them.

3. If you want to stop being a scapegoat, you must refuse to engage with the people who scapegoat you.

If others blame you for things that happen that are beyond your control, it’s time to walk away for good.

And if they try to blame you for something they or someone else is guilty of, refuse to accept blame. Tell them to take a walk. Then never speak to them again.

Also, if people project their own shortcomings onto you, don’t associate with them. They’re a waste of your time.

Realize that you are not a dumping ground for all their baggage. So, have nothing more to do with them. Give them the old heave-ho because they do not deserve a place in your life.

This may be difficult to do, especially if the people who scapegoat you are members of your family. However, if you want to stop this abuse, sometimes, it means making a few heartbreaking decisions.

4. If you want to stop being a scapegoat, you’ve got to Rock it!

Grey-rock it, that is!

Grey rocking a bully means showing no emotion in response to their behavior. It also means only giving short, one-word answers.

Keep minimal contact with them. In other words, wait long periods of time between seeing them. And wait a long time before answering their texts.

In short, act like you don’t care and have as little interaction with them as humanly possible.

This is easier said than done. And the bully may or may not lose interest and go away right then. However, it’s a good tactic if your goal is to stop being a scapegoat.

You may have to repeat it again and again before your bullies will get the message. But you’ll feel better just knowing you finally took back your balls and stood up to the creeps.

5. Practice Self-Care and Compassion.

You do this by practicing affirmations to yourself every day. Here’s a list of things you can affirm to yourself:

“I am not the guilty party.”
“I will not be a victim of their blame game.”
“I won’t accept blame for things that are beyond my control.”
“I won’t accept blame for things other people are guilty of.
“I am a good person regardless of how they treat me.”
“I am perfectly fine without them.”

You can also establish a support network. Choose genuine people as friends, and keep company only with those who lift you.

Dressing, however, makes you feel good. Treat yourself to a pampering session at a nice spa or a new hairdo or haircut.

Do the things that you love doing and that make you feel alive. Work on your hobbies and pursue your goals and dreams.

The trick here is to work on yourself and to give yourself the love and care that others aren’t giving you. Self-care is great because it can help counteract the negativity your bullies throw at you.