Month: March 2021
Telling Your Story
Why I Won’t Attend My 30th High School Reunion
If you’ve read this blog for long enough, I’m sure you can already guess the answer to that question. “Why not?” you may ask?
There are several reasons:
1.I’d be a fool if I ever trusted them again. And I’d be a damn fool to put myself into a situation where I’d either get sucked into any petty drama or worse- hurt! And if they expect any trust from me, it’s too late. They should’ve have earned it by acting better.
2. Most of my classmates haven’t changed a bit since high school. Many are still the same drama-filled buffoons they were in high school. Only they’ve gotten older and less attractive over the years. They’ve gone from being obnoxious and self-absorbed punks to being angry and bitter mid-lifers who are resentful and crotchety because their lives didn’t turn out like they had thought. And they wouldn’t think twice about causing harm if it meant they could relive the glory days of high school.
3. Also, at high school reunions, people tend to regress into kids again. This little gathering would only be an opportunity for most of the classmates to compare themselves and their lives with one another.
4. Most of them will probably be drinking excessively, which, at our age, equals unattractive, obnoxious, and stupid. And it also means a higher intolerance of liquor than the good old days and being hungover and puking the next day. No, thank you! ‘Not my scene!
5. The reunion would, more than likely, be nothing more than a circus of posturing, showboating, and one-upmanship, where, figuratively, all the women would only talk about who’s gotten fat, who’s got the most wrinkles, and who’s had facelifts, tummy tucks, and boob-jobs. The men would probably only brag about who’s made the most money, who has the most sex, and who can still achieve an erection. And I have no time to listen to a bunch of drunken, and middle-aged adults compare bank accounts, waist measurements, or penis sizes.
6. I forgive my classmates, yes. But it doesn’t mean I desire to play footsie with any of them. Again, many of them will probably be getting sloppy drunk and puking their guts out around a huge bonfire, and they will probably talk about the same boring crap over and over again. And I’ve got better things to do.
So, with that said, anytime you don’t feel safe going to a particular function, trust your instincts and don’t go!
If anyone tries to talk you into going to a gathering of any kind and you know specific people are going to be there- particularly people who’ve brought you drama and those you wouldn’t trust to shovel manure, there’s nothing wrong with rejecting the invite.
Self-care is of the utmost importance. And if going to any function means that you must be around people who’ve given you no reason to trust them, then you have not only a right, but an obligation to yourself not to go!
And if they get offended or angry with you for declining, all the more reason you shouldn’t go! Remember that your safety and peace of mind comes first!
Bullies and Virtue Signaling
Seasoned bullies are masters at virtue-signaling and making themselves look like the angels they aren’t. Many of my classmates were expert virtue signalers. I remember sitting in class and being pregnant with my first child. One of my bullies, we will call her Amy, told me I was a sinner because I’d gotten pregnant before getting married. And Amy was one of those girls who everyone knew slept around with every Tom, Dick, and Harry.
Not that I ever judged her for it because what she did on the weekends was nobody’s business but hers. However, the point I make here is that she took it upon herself to judge me in front of an audience. And she did it to prove something to them.
She also told me that my child was a bastard and would be better off dead than to have me for a mother. The last thing she said was that I should never be allowed to get married nor have kids.
Understand that any time a bully publicly passes judgement on you, they only do it to feel like they’re better than you- so they can delude themselves, you, and everyone else into thinking that they’re above you on the totem pole of morals and decency.
The reason this bullying classmate accused me of being unvirtuous is to try and prove to everyone else that she wasn’t . She wanted everyone to think that she was as pure as the driven snow and that she was above someone else. But, although no one said a word, I think they all knew who she really was and what her attack on me was all about.
Sadly, we see the same from radicals. They pander and virtue signal by raising their fists and worse, kneeling and bowing down to extremist groups and the only reason they do it is to try and prove to the rest of the world that they’re moral, decent, and above ignorance.
Vector illustration of a grovel in business
But here’s the thing.
If you know yourself and you know that you aren’t the label of the day, be it a “whore”, a philanderer, a racist, a conspiracy theorist, a nut job, or anything at all; you won’t feel you have to attack anyone else, pander, or virtue signal to prove it. Your goodness, morals, virtues are already there, and you know it and there’s no need to prove it.
When you truly know yourself and the definition of who you are, you won’t try to prove anything because it’s too much work and you know it’s a waste of your time and energy. You do not have to show others you have something if that something is something you already have.
Here’s another thing.
If anyone feels they must bend over backwards to prove something to the rest of the world, know that their willingness to pander and virtue signal- all that extra effort and energy expenditure comes from a guilty conscience and that there is something about themselves that they’re trying like the devil to hide.
These people are under the presumption that, the more efforts they make, the more personal sacrifices they make, and the more they try to “atone” by forcing themselves to do the most degrading and demeaning things, the more it shows that they’re not what the label of the day and current narrative says they are.
What they don’t realize is that it only means the opposite of what they’re trying to prove. Do you see where I’m going with this? Great! I thought that you would!
With knowledge comes empowerment!
Today’s Quote
“Once you embrace your value, talents and strengths, it neutralizes when others think less of you.”
~ Rob Liano ~
Haters Only Make You Relevant
When The Target Reacts or “Snaps”
Target on your back metaphor as a person with a tattoo of a bull’s eye symbol tattooed on the skin as an icon for being a victim of bullying and bullying or psychology of feeling vulnerable with 3D illustration elements.
After people have targeted a person, they react sooner or later. Some targets react negatively by turning the rage inward and lashing out at others. I did that once upon a time, and I hate to have to admit that.
There are, however, exceptions! Several react positively- they may become advocates against bullying and for people who are targets of such mistreatment, which is a great thing. Others focus more on their life goals. Because they had positive influences in their lives, or they chose to be their own positive influence, which buffered their self-esteem from the blows in so many ways from the psycho/emotional effects of bullying.
Depression Concept with Word Cloud and a Human being with broken Brain and Heavy Rain
Still, so many others often retreat within themselves, and it happens when others force them to feel as if their feelings don’t matter. These people often realize that no one will believe them if they talk about it. These are the ones who suffer in silence while trying to process what’s happening to them and why.
They stuff it down because they don’t want to feel the pain and negative emotions that come with bullying.
They feel that if they cry about it, they’re losing control.
They also feel that if they’re quiet about it, the bullying will magically go away.
But these three things couldn’t be further from the truth! When we feel the pain and cry, we’re releasing all those pinned up, toxic emotions, and we feel so much better afterward. And being quiet about anything won’t make it go away, but it is only why toxic emotions build up in the first place.
And you can’t continue to carry all that baggage forever. Sooner or later, you’ll need to unpack all that crap and put it away!
For me, it took a lot of therapy, journaling, and working on myself to survive it, but I’m so glad I put in the work. It takes much grit and determination to withstand any form of abuse.
Still, anytime I see a kid who’s shy and withdrawn, the first question that pops into my mind is, “Is this person a target of bullying?” And I say a little prayer for them!
Why You Should NEVER Hate Yourself
In today’s backwards culture, we are continuously encouraged to hate ourselves, especially if we fall under certain criteria. You know what I’m talking about.
Also, we’re being brainwashed into believing that if we hate ourselves because of some kind of “privilege,” or because we’re Americans, or Westerners, or middle class, or because we own a business, whatever, then it shows that we’re “woke.” It’s virtue signaling at its finest, and it’s all a bunch of hogwash!
Here’s why you shouldn’t hate yourself no matter what anyone, including your bullies, the media, and certain politicians tell you:
If they can get you to hate yourself, then they can make you self-destruct. Understand that if you hate yourself, it isn’t to your own benefit, it’s only to theirs (bullies, media, politicians, the elite, etc.) Also, if they can get you to hate yourself, they can talk you into doing the most degrading and demeaning things- like bow down and kneel before other people.
Anyone who can get you to hate yourself can make you feel guilty for things that you had nothing to do with and that aren’t your fault, get you to subjugate yourself, and make you feel that you must “atone” for that guilt.
Depression Concept with Word Cloud and a Humanbeing with broken Brain and Heavy Rain
Understand that people who hate themselves are easily led because they are yes-people too eager to please. They try so hard to show the rest of the world, they’re morally good- that they’re above certain things. These people will jump through hoops to prove they’re decent people.
But folks, if you already know yourself and know without a doubt that you’re a good, moral, and decent person, why then would you feel you must bend over backwards and make such a concerted effort to prove that?
You wouldn’t. Because you know that the goodness, morals, and decency are already there whether others know it or not. Your conscience is clear, and you know that you’ve done nothing wrong. Therefore, you instinctively know that anything the media, politicians, or anyone on the street might put out does not apply to you.
Anyone who virtue signals- who has to work so hard and put on a show to prove something to others can’t have a clear conscience- so they must pander, virtue signal, and really strain themselves not only to prove to the rest of the world that they’re on top of the moral mountain, but to ease their guilty conscience.
On the other hand, if your conscience is clear and you know that none of the narratives apply to you, you wouldn’t waste your time and energy trying to prove it.
‘Know where I’m going with this? Great! I thought that you would!
No matter where you come from, it’s best to love yourself just the way God made you and turn a deaf ear to the lies of The Enemy!
Today’s Quote
“One of the greatest regrets in life is being what others would want you to be, rather than being yourself.”
~ Shannon L. Adler ~
The People Who Judge You
Why Bullies Need Targets
They want you to think that you need them! You don’t. In fact, it’s just the opposite. They need you! Let me explain further:
Bullies need targets as guinea pigs on which, to demonstrate their perceived power and might.
They need victims to feel better about themselves.
Bullies need targets to blame their stupidity and bad behavior on.
Bullies need victims to scapegoat and to be a dumping ground for all their problems and shortcomings.
If you’re a target, Your bullies need you as a shield to cover their own cowardice.
They need you to entertain and get laughs from their audiences.
And they need you to look cool and in control in front of everyone else.
Understand that bullies need you more than you will ever need them!
How I Dealt with Bullying in the Past v/s How I Deal with It Today
Bullies have been around since the beginning of time and bullying is a dark part of human nature. However, that doesn’t mean that we should put up with it.
I’ve dealt with bullies at different times my whole life and it has led me to evaluate the way I dealt with bullying in the past. It has also led to a passion for learning more about bullying and what makes bullies tick.
Here’s what I’ve learned.
Bullies are highly insecure, egotistical, know-it-all creeps with god complexes, and they feel they must always be the center of attention. Therefore, they feel entitled to waste your precious time by telling you how they think you should behave, what clothes, accessories, and hairstyles they think you should wear, trying to teach you things that you already know and most likely learned when you were five, and being passive-aggressive (or overtly aggressive). They do this to impress others by making you look inferior.
This is how bullies get the attention they crave.
And the best way to deal with a bully is to refuse them the attention they want. And when we deny bullies attention, we don’t value their opinions of us or anything that comes out of their mouths. We deny them that supply- that ego trip they seek, and in that, we cease to be victims. We might still be targets, but never victims.
In the past, I’ve had bullies force me to justify myself over the most harmless and trivial things, compel me to do things I never wanted to do, and attack me with stealthy put-downs disguised as “teachable moments” and “friendly advice.”
Back then, I over-apologized for just being me, or for things I had nothing to do with. I apologized for other people’s bad behavior, which were things I had absolutely no control over. I bought into their lies and gaslighting and apologized any time a bully let me know that my interpretation of what they would say to me wasn’t meant the way it came across and that they’d never say such terrible things to another person. Then I’d feel bad for taking them the wrong way. All the while, they’d continue and even escalate the abuse.
I’d let bullies push me into losing my temper and returning fire with the same verbal attacks they launched against me. I would then feel terrible when the bullies would whine, cry, and moan about how much I’d hurt their little feelings and how I had “overreacted.”
It’s funny how bullies can always dish it out but can never take it when the crap gets kicked back their way.
What I didn’t realize was that by my reactions, I was giving these bullies the attention they were looking for. I was giving them the green light to push my buttons, to question my mental stability and jerk me around. I was making myself their play-toy. I was allowing them to tear me down in order to build up their own fragile egos.
It was all a load of tripe, and I fell for it- hook, line, and sinker.
But no more. Since then, I’ve learned to spot a bully by observing the same types of behavior. I’ve also learned not to play their games. A person may bully me once. But trust me, they’ll only do it one time because I know bullying and abuse when I see it. And I also know what it looks like in the early stages.
I make it a point to treat others how I’d like to be treated and to listen to other people’s opinions and takes on things. However, bullies and abusers are the exceptions here. And when I see the signs and realize that someone is starting to bully me, they automatically lose a target. And when I’m done with a person, I’m done and there’s no looking back. I won’t continue to stroke a bully’s ego.
If the person is someone in a high position, I’ll withdraw my support. If the person is a coworker, I’ll find another job or I’ll expose them by simply giving them plenty of rope, then sit back and bide my time until the person hangs themselves and gets fired. If the person is someone related, any future contact will be on my terms.
And when I go no-contact, I won’t bother to explain to the person why I’m done with them because I owe them no explanations. Neither will I smack them across the head and let them know when they are about to cross the line. If they don’t have the self-awareness to realize that their evil actions and behavior are the problems, that’s on them and they’re the one who must deal with the consequences.
And no. I won’t have as much as a shred of guilt over it because self-care is nothing to feel guilty over. I value my sanity and peace of mind more than I ever will others’ opinions of me.
Today’s Quote
“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.”
~ Brene Brown ~
Arguing with a Fool
Sometimes, Targets of Bullying Use Daydreaming as Their Escape
“What else is left in a harsh, cold world than to dream away in your comforting imagination.”
~ From the Joy, Passion, Desire blog ~
Those six years were the most difficult years of my life. It was during those years that I mostly lived in my own little fantasy world. I think this was partly the reason I began writing at such a young age.
Daydreaming isn’t a bad thing. A moderate amount of it is actually very healthy and sometimes helps us to weather some really bad storms in life. But too much of it can be harmful.
I’ve talked to many other targets and survivors of bullying and most of them have told me the same- that they have often retreated into their own fantasy world where things go their way all the time, where they have imaginary friends. Just as I was, they’re very secretive about this other world. It’s not something they will talk openly about and will only indulge in when they’re alone.
This fantasy world is a private world where we feel safest and sadly, it can become addictive if we’re not careful. I can tell you that my addiction to escaping got so bad that I would drift off in the middle of class and wouldn’t hear the teacher call my name when he/she chose me to answer a question. And many times, I got in serious trouble because of this.
Sadly, I let it overtake me back then. For a while, I lost my connection to the real world, I think. Being a kid, I lived in this world of make-believe so much so that I missed out on many exciting things and stopped learning life’s lessons. I completely quit paying attention to things that went on around me that I normally would’ve picked up on.
You see, there’s a huge cost of escapism when it becomes an addiction. When you’re being bullied is the time when you must be the most alert to everything that happens around you. You must be ready for anything. You must be able to read subtext and decipher meanings behind meanings. And you must learn to pick up vibes that people put off.
Excessive escapism can cut you off from learning these valuable things. That’s why if you’re stuck living in a fantasy world, you must get out of your own head!
Thank goodness, I eventually got out of that habit. There’s nothing wrong with daydreaming every now and again but when it becomes constant, it’s only a sign that something is terribly wrong in your life and changes need to be made to make life better for you. But to make those changes, you must be willing to do a lot of hard work.
And I guarantee you this. If you get out of your own head and put in this work, it will pay off and you’ll thank yourself for it later!
With knowledge comes empowerment!