What Comes with Empowerment

Empowerment from bullying is the best feeling ever and I say this from personal experience. However, it comes with some personal responsibility. Why do I say this? Again, it’s because of experience. Before I could re-empower myself and send my bullies packing, I had to take a certain amount of responsibility.

I not only had to learn the mindsets of bullying and do my own investigations, but I also had to learn how to respond instead of reacting. I had to find ways to empower myself and realize that once you begin taking steps to do so, the bullying will get worse before it gets better. And I had to change my own way of thinking. In that, I had to stop seeing myself as a victim and start viewing myself as a target instead. Words do matter.

Empowerment means having more control over our lives. It means having the courage to make our own decisions, even if those decisions upset other people. If we’re targets of bullying and we aren’t careful, we may unwittingly and unknowingly allow our bullies to take those things from us.

Therefore, let’s talk more in-depth about the empowerment process.

What steps can we take to empower ourselves?

1. Find your purpose. Having a purpose is so empowering! However, it requires that you find out what it is. Think back to those childhood inclinations and try to remember what your strongest inclination was. Did you want to be a singer? A writer? This is one way.

2. Find your passion. What do you enjoy doing? What is your favorite hobby? How might it help you to make the world a better place? If you can answer these questions, then chances are, you’ve found your passion.

3. Read and learn about bullies and bullying. This requires getting abreast of your bullies’ mindsets and weaknesses. How you do this is to read all you can about bullying. And when you read, you must think about all the behaviors your bullies have displayed, then put two and two together. And once you do, you will finally see the bullies for the pathetic cowards they are, and your self-esteem will soar!

It Won’t Come Easy!

 Finding your purpose and passion are wonderful ways to empower yourself. It gives you something to do that will take your mind off the bullying you suffer. Therefore, the bullying won’t have the effect on you that it would have if you only sat around and dwelled on it.

However, it won’t come without resistance from those around you. Sadly, when we chose to follow our purpose, passion, goals, and dreams, it can induce jealousy and insecurity, especially in your bullies. Moreover, they will find ways to distract you from achieving your desired outcomes.

Also, getting knowledge of your bullies and of bullying can empower you. In fact, it’s one of the most empowering things you can do. And once you realize where bullying comes from and why bullies do it, it won’t have near the effort on your self-esteem that it once did.

Again, don’t think any of these steps won’t come with some resistance.

So, what are the things bullies and other people will do to get in your way?

1. They will fill you with doubt. If there’s one thing you should remember, it’s this: Those who fill you with doubt also doubt themselves. When their own self-doubt holds them back, they will project it onto you and hold you back as well.

2. They won’t be as excited about your dreams as you are. But don’t take it personally. Only a few people in your life will be as excited about your dreams as you and vise versa. You will only be as excited about the dreams of those you love most and wish well. And bullies will laugh at your dreams. This is a fact of life.

Therefore, don’t let that kill your excitement and don’t let it stop you. Because, if you’re not careful, it’s easy to let their lack of enthusiasm discourage you.

3. They may go a step further and discourage you. They may tell you that your goal or dreams isn’t worth pursuing. Maybe, they’ll tell you that you’ll only fail. This can inject fear in your mind and cause you to hesitate taking the first step to success.

 Playing Mind Games with Yourself

Understand that bullies and others who discourage you, do so based on their own limitations and failures. Their discouragement comes from their own worldview. And their worldview is that of failure and disappointment. In other words, their own limited self-beliefs stem from their own lack of success and their observation of others around them who failed to achieve their goals and dreams.

Some discourage you because they are afraid that you’ll succeed and, in that, force them to take stock of their own lack of accomplishment. But others, who may indeed care about you, may call themselves trying to spare you from the heartache of failure. For example, let’s say you want to go into the music business and others are piling on a mountain of discouragement.

Here are some questions you will need to ask yourself:

1. Does this person really know more about music than you do?

2. Does this individual understand you as a person? Have they even taken the time to do so?

3. Have they themselves worked hard and achieved any of their own goals and dreams?

If the answer is no, then you should give no consideration to anything they tell you. We must do what we love. In other words, we must follow our purpose and passion. Otherwise, the desire to do so won’t have an outlet and will only grow. Also, the bullying we suffer will have more of a chance of getting under our skin.

You will only continue to squelch those desires, only for them to resurface? Or worse, you’ll end up living with regret? You must realize that people who are determined to stay in their comfort zones also want you to stay in yours.

Comfort Zones Only Keep You Stuck

Realize that empowerment comes with personal responsibility. It comes with a ton of mind work and much re-framing. And when bullies are attacking you left and right, it can be extremely difficult to re-frame those attacks and keep that victim mentality from getting a grip on you. However, if you want to keep your power and move toward a better life, you must refuse to call yourself a victim. Instead, call yourself a target. Because you are a target. But you don’t have to be a victim.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Why You Should Befriend Other Targets

The old saying that “birds of a feather flock together” rings true. The Law of Similarity dictates that in order to find good friendships, you must establish common ground. Understand that those who share the same activities, experiences, perspectives, and attitudes have a high probability of developing close friendships. Humans are naturally drawn to those who share mutual interests.

How targets make friends is to find like-minded people to bond with. And nothing bonds humans like a shared contempt for the same things, people, and groups. Therefore, developing connections with other targets is not only necessary but wise.

When a target finds others who have been bullied by the same bullies, it not only confirms that he isn’t alone in the fight, but it’s a juicy opportunity to make friends and allies. And these new friends just might back the target up the next time her bullies come calling.

Commonalities Attract

Also, it reinforces the fact that the target is not a bad person. It says that, despite what bullies and most others have told him, he can make friends. It sends the message that the target is a likeable person and automatically discredits the bullies. Therefore, having friends who share the same experiences is a real self-esteem booster.

When targets unite, they share sameness and, therefore, are least likely to face conflict with one another. Each target in the group finally feels understood.

Case in point, sameness will always attract people to one another. People tend to become friends with those most like themselves. When targets begin to associate with and create ties with others whom the bullies have targeted, they immediately establish common ground. It is this common ground which quickly develops rapport.

A “Target Rich Environment”

If you’re a target of bullying and you find it difficult to make friends, you can create a “target rich environment” for  yourself by staying among other targets.

I cannot say this enough- we develop the best friendships with those who resemble us the most. We’re attracted to people with the same desires and pursuits. If you can find common ground, developing a positive relationship will be a cake walk!

So, how do you know that there’s common ground before you even talk to the person?

You start by noticing how the person dresses. Are there any similarities? If the person is wearing a tee shirt with the logo or picture of a rock group you like, there’s shared interest. And if they only have a slight interest in the group, you, at least, share a love of rock and roll music.

What a person is doing also gives clues. Also, their posture also has many tells in it. For example, if a person is sitting at the lunch table alone, slumps in their chair, and doesn’t interact much with others, you know that they have low self-esteem. And low self-esteem comes from bullying and abuse. So, don’t be afraid to go over and talk to them. You just might be the friend they’re looking for!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Your Wins are Your Bullies’ Losses

Always! Why? Because the last thing your bullies want is for you to succeed at anything. Let’s go deeper here. Understand that any success you enjoy, any accomplishment you make is a threat to your bullies. It’s a threat to their power- their perceived superiority over you and their spotlight.

Whenever you make an accomplishment and reach success, other people will give you recognition. This will take some of the spotlight away from your bullies. Remember that bullies love to hog the spotlight. They crave admiration. And when they watch you getting a piece of it, it infuriates them.

What it Does to Your Bullies’ Egos

Moreover, when people see you as inferior, and, all of a sudden, you’ve made this huge accomplishment and are wildly successful, your bullies begin to look stupid. Why? Because your success sends them the unspoken message that you’re not so inferior after all and that you’ve shown them up. It’s made them look like the inferior ones and they know it. They can feel it and it doesn’t feel so good!

Your bullies have such fragile egos that they’re constantly look for assurance that you are what they say you are. They need confirmation that you’re no good. Therefore, when you accomplish even the smallest goal or reach even a tiny bit of success, it automatically pokes holes in the narrative they’ve been peddling. Additionally, bullies see you as competition and they despise competition. This is why it doesn’t pay to tell others about any goals or dreams. Not until you reach them.

And once you do, watch your bullies become petty and childish. Watch them turn up the harassment and notice how they increase the name-calling, insults, and verbal abuse. Note that their attacks become more brutal and more painful. Watch as your bullies work overtime with the smear campaigns against you. Also, watch as many so-called friends turn against you.

Jealousy is demonic!

People you thought were with you and supported you suddenly turn cold. Any time these things happen to you left and right and you feel people are attacking you from every corner, jealousy and envy are most likely the culprits.

And here’s something else!

Many times, you may not necessarily need to be super-successful for other people to launch such demonic evil against you. All it times is for you to have potential and people know potential when they see it. Therefore, they may not be jealous of anything you have or enjoy at the present but they’re envious of your potential. They’re jealous of where you might be headed and of your capabilities and possibilities.

Your bullies are so afraid that you just might reach amazing heights later. They’re deathly frightened that your future may have great things in store for you. Most bullies aren’t dumb when it comes to scoping out intelligence. They can sense that you’re headed for great things long before you reach them. These bullies might have nice cars, clothes, money, and other material things but, again, they will be extremely jealous of where you may be heading in life. And they’re afraid that you just might pass them by.

Therefore, your win is their loss. Your happiness is their anger and your promotion, their demotion.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The Moral of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

“You can tell a man’s vises by his friends, his virtues by his enemies.” – Ben Domenech.

Often times, bullies attack your virtues. They make fun of your good qualities and make them seem as something bad- a defect that you should be ashamed of.

For example, if a person is kind and gentle, they may be bullied because they’re seen as weak or mistaken for being a suck-up. If a kid has a talent and is proud of his talent, it’s likely that he’s accused of showboating, then bullied and his talent devalued.

If anything should remind you of your value, even in the midst of bullying and persecution, it’s the story of Rudolph. His red nose made him different from the other reindeer and they bullied and persecuted him for it. Even the adult reindeer were mean to Rudolph.

But the very characteristic the other reindeer scorned and made fun of was the thing that would be of the most value later.

In the beginning, no one realized the beauty of Rudolph’s nose. But, in the end, that nose only promoted Rudolph to the lead reindeer to guide Santa’s sleigh through terrible weather conditions and saved Christmas from being cancelled.

Again, the thing that bullies tolerate, or more appropriately, denigrate, may later be the very thing people celebrate. You may be bullied and friendless now,  but don’t be so quick to condemn yourself to “the island of misfit toys.”

Why? Because Rudolph, Hermie the misfit elf who wanted to be a dentist, and the misfit toys eventually found acceptance and love.

And the thing about you that people ridicule and deem different now could later be the very thing that launches you to unimaginable heights!

The show is a children’s Christmas classic but it sends a very grown-up message.

Don’t give up. Stand strong. Value yourself even if others don’t. You don’t know what God has in store for you down the road.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Survival Mode

Tippy toe, tippy toe, I must walk ever so carefully

While looking up to Heaven I plea prayerfully

Walking through this toxic place is like walking through a minefield

They see me as worse than Newman on an episode of Seinfeld

In glee the bullies watch as they smile with their eyes twinkling brightly

Their unsolicited advice is for me to tread lightly

Constantly watching and waiting for the other shoe to drop

No end in sight, not even a sign that the bullying will stop

Knowing in my gut that something’s about to pop off

If I didn’t have hope for my future, I’d bust some shots off

Angry and contemptful eyes narrowed into slits all around me

Watching, waiting, and anticipating the next juicy opportunity

Looking at me, watching me, with their breath just a-bating

Like ravenous vultures, they continue waiting and anticipating

My stomach turns, flips, and draws up in knots

As they gather ‘round to make their evil pot-shots

Holding my head high, I continue to walk this proverbial death march

Like a cornered cat in preparation for attack, I feel my back arch

“Walking the Mile, Walking the Mile, Walking the Green Mile”

I walk with a brave face through a cesspit nest of creatures so vile

Making a point to be careful not to disturb and stir the hornet’s nest

On high alert, I see nothing but red as I try my level best

Just to blend in, be safe by only being another face in the crowd

Look, look! There she is! Get her! Get her! They all yell aloud

Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, to escape this chilling cold

Forced, compelled, with no other choice but to live in survival mode

The Importance of Forgiveness

Forgiving your bullies and anyone who’s ever wronged you isn’t easy, but it’s the most important thing you can do for yourself.

I know, I know! I can practically hear the groans of dread and scoffs coming from a few already. To be honest, I once had the same attitude myself anytime someone advised me to forgive.  I wasn’t ready to because I hadn’t healed yet.

Sometimes, you need time to process the abuse you suffered and heal before you can forgive. Completely understandable! And only you can know when you’re ready. Understand that forgiveness doesn’t mean that the transgression they committed against you is okay, nor does it mean that you have to buddy up with the person who wronged you. But when you’re ready to forgive, it will only benefit you, not your attacker.

Allow me to delve a little deeper:

Forgiveness is a must! It is a prerequisite for re-empowerment and happiness. It’s not about letting anyone off the hook; it’s about setting yourself free from the toxic feelings of anger and hate, which will hold you back.

This message is for targets of bullying today and for survivors of bullying. Forgive them when you’re ready. I can tell you that for me, the ability to forgive was like a huge weight that was lifted off of my shoulders. There’s truly no better feeling!

Anytime you hold on to grudges and hate for a person, that individual controls you whether you realize it or not. They may have exerted control over the years they bullied you, but you don’t have to let them control the rest of your life.

Let me put it another way, holding onto and carrying around anger and hate doesn’t hurt the person it’s aimed at. It hurts you. Because the people you hate and hold grudges against either don’t know about it, or they don’t care.

While you’re sitting around stewing over someone who did you wrong, that person could care less. They’re going on with their lives and not giving you so much as a thought. So, why should you allow them to take up space in your mind?

Forgiveness is the only solution to this problem. It’s the only way that you will be able to take back control of your life.

If you want to be happy, successful, and live in peace, forgive the people who wronged you. It’s the only way!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Pretty Privilege

Enjoy it while you have it

Because time in a thief

Youth is fleeting

And beauty fades

You’re no better than her

Only prettier

But what she lacks in looks

She makes up for in brains

Beauty’s only skin deep

Ugly is to the bone

Beauty’s only temporary

Stupid is permanent

Smarts is something you can stand on

Beauty, you can only fall back on

Enjoy it while you have it

Because time is a thief

Things for Targets of Bullying to Consider

The thoughts and opinions of bullies are worthless to you, or they should be. This may sound strange to many targets, especially those whom bullies have brainwashed for so long. And that’s a terrible thing. Therefore, if you’re a target who has been conditioned, I’d like for you to ask yourself these questions:

Has it benefited me in any way to measure my value as a person by the opinions of bullies?

Would my bullies be able to hold up as well as I do if they themselves had to endure bullying?

Even on the off-chance that they could, does that give them license to judge me, a person who is enduring something that would break many others?

If we all worried about the opinions of our bullies and haters, the world wouldn’t have even a tenth of it’s population. Moreover, we wouldn’t have doctors, lawyers, writers, comedians, singers, actors, and other such great people.

They all would have collapsed under the crushing weight of anticipated judgements and personal attacks. Therefore, they never would have reached the heights of success that they have.

It’s Not What They Call You, It’s What You Answer to.

The truth is that your favorite rock star receives hate and vitriolic comments over a few lyrics in one of his songs. Even back in the pre-internet days, famous actors and musicians got bags of hate mail along with the fan mail.

Many targets of bullying have an intense fear of being judged and it’s exactly what holds them back in life. Why? Because it can cause you to hold back your feelings. Furthermore, you will allow this fear to stifle your talents and creativity.

Realize that  a bully’s judgement is only a reflection of their own fears and insecurities.

This is why you must never allow bullies or anyone else to make you believe that how they feel about you is more important than how you feel about yourself. Never take your bullies’ word over your own. Never allow their opinions to trump yours.

And once you realize how cheap your bullies’ thoughts and opinions of you really are, they will have less effect on you.

With knowledge comes empowerment.

The Courage to be Disliked

Crazy young man in white shirt standing and screaming at woman in pink dress. woman dont care and looking at camera with toothy smile. indoor studio shot, isolated on light brown background.

Years ago, I let anyone’s negative opinions of me get under my skin. However, what I didn’t realize was that I was giving away my power, allowing what people thought to control me.

After I became an adult and finally began to see my worth, I realized that I was much more successful and better off than they will probably ever be. That’s when I began to ask myself,

“Have any of these morons even reached my level?”

“Do their opinions even matter?

“Who are these people that I should ever have even cared?”

Moreover, my classmates never knew me on a personal level, and they still don’t. They aren’t and never were my family nor closest friends. The weight I give to any opinion depends on who holds it and and the relationship I have with the holder.

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying, you should have the same attitude. Realize that not everyone’s thoughts or opinions are relevant nor do their words mean anything. In order to be offended by another person’s thoughts, opinions, or words, you must first value them. And that means, you must first value the owner of those thoughts, opinions, and words.

The Value I Give Your Opinion Depends on Who You Are and How Close We Are.

I now understand that my classmates’ dislike or hatred only came from a place of ignorance, stupidity, bitterness, jealousy, or insecurity. Nothing more. And I take it with a grain of salt. I only value the opinions of those who know me- God, those of my closest family members and friends.

And, if you’re reading this, you should also take it with a grain of salt. Because it’s the same with your bullies and haters- they dislike or hate you out of any or all of the above filthy five characteristics mentioned above.

Realize that to be hurt, angered, and offended by someone, you must first value their opinions. And for someone to piss you off or hurt your feelings, you must value them to some degree.

When you stop caring what bullies think of you, you stop valuing their opinions. In that, you stop giving bullies value and consideration they haven’t earned. Therefore, you stop giving them power.

Always be yourself. Stand up for your beliefs and convictions. Have your own preferences and make your own choices. And do the things you love to do. And lastly, follow your own dreams and your heart. Do all of these things no matter who does or doesn’t like it.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Many of my Bullies Claimed to be Christians

But were they really Christians? Were they, in fact, true Christians? Sadly, because many of my classmates were known to others, especially the school staff, as church-going kids. Therefore, they often got credibility they never earned. For example, there was a group a girls who the teachers and principal dubbed as “the religious girls.” However, they were just as nasty, if not worse, than the secular kids in the class.

This is not to say that all Christians are like this, because no, not all of them are. And this comes from someone who is one. However, just as with any other religion, party, or group, there will always be wolves in sheep’s clothing among the flock.

Sure, over half of these classmates sat in a church pew on Sunday. However, they would bully me and a few others at school during the week or join in. And the few who didn’t actively participate in the bullying, would stand back. They would watch the bullying, and would either get entertainment from it, or pretend it wasn’t happening. How Christian was that?

Just Because They Claim to be Christians Doesn’t Make it So.

These so-called Christian kids never bullied me by cursing me out or beating me up. No. They were too smart to make it that obvious. However, they would sat back and snicker as they watched it happen. Or they would bully me spiritually. For instance, these kids would tell me that I should, ”turn the other cheek.”  They suggested that I submit to the bad treatment and if I didn’t,  I was going to hell. But the question here is this. What would they have done if the shoe was on the other foot? Would they have submitted to it if it were happening to them?

Now, you would think that the people who know the Bible better than me and had a Christian platform would never have used it to abuse me. But yes! Many of them did, And no doubt, they would again if they ever got the chance.

Remember that the devil never comes in the form of a red man with horns and a pointy tail. He comes as an angel of light!

It’s bad enough when people who aren’t in the church target you for bullying. But when it’s those who claim to be Christians, it can be downright devastating. Why? Because, just by virtue of being known as Christians, they will likely compel you to believe that you really are an evil person and feel terrible about yourself.

Judge Only by Actions, Not Affiliations.

Again, I had many so-called Christians in my class. And I can state, with full conviction, that they were a part of the abuse I suffered. However, now that I’m older, I can look back and see them for who they really were- sanctimonious hypocrites. And once you’re able to see your bullies exactly as they are, no amount of gaslighting will work on you. Any justification or rationalization of what they did will no longer have an effect on you because, in essence, they stand naked before you. And I thank the Lord for giving me this knowledge because it has given me so much confidence.

And confidence is freedom.

As I said earlier, I realize that none of us are perfect because we’re all human and humans sin all the time. Christians are no exception to this. And I’ll be the first to admit that there were times and situations when I didn’t act very Christian. And I’m not afraid to own it. But what I didn’t do was repeatedly use my faith as a weapon against someone who was already being horribly mistreated. However, anytime they use their faith to destroy another, they stoop to a special kind of evil and God will judge them the harshest.

I know for a fact that Jesus would have had my back. Also, He would have admonished them for not only their persecution of a few others, but for their fake Christianity and sanctimony. Because true Christians will never use their faith and Christian platform to bully and destroy another human being.

Giving it a Name.

Therefore, if anyone who claims to be a person of God bullies you and uses their faith to destroy your spirit, there are names for it you can use. Sanctimony and hypocrisy. Knowing how to name these people is your power because it makes it so much easier for you to call it out. So, I urge you to see these people for who they are and name them accordingly. They are not Christians. They’re only sanctimonious hypocrites.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies Despise It When You Outshine Them

Especially those who are narcissists. These bullies have to be at the top of the game in everything. They must be the center of attention- all the time.

Therefore, anyone who outshines them in any way is fair game for attack. If you have any talents, anything at all you’re good at, or in which you’re super successful, these bullies will never stop coming after you.

They’ll often accuse you behind your back (and sometimes to your face) of the following:

1. “She’s just showing off.”
2. “Oh, she’s just trying to get attention.”
3. “He just loves to flaunt his (money, material possessions, masculinity, etc.)”
4. “She’s not so hot!”
5. “He’s a wuss, wimp, etc.”
6. “You’re arrogant, full of yourself, pompous, stuck up, etc.”

hypocrite hypocrisy double standard

But notice!

These bullies will often accuse the target of the same things they are guilty of themselves.

By displaying his talents, winning awards, and favor with others and charming those in authority, the target unwillingly offends the bullies’ own excessive vanity. The target instills an imbalance of the bullies’ sense of self and makes them doubt their superiority by poking holes in their importance.

These jealous brutes are often at the top of the pecking order- the popular kids at school or the high executives in the workplace.

So, understand that people such as these can’t accept being outdone in anything by anyone. And if they’re outshone by anyone they deem as inferior- their targets, all the worse! They’ll then stop at nothing to “put you back in your place.”

narcissist bully

They don’t care about your talents, your natural gifts, your successes, or smarts. If anything, they despise them. They hate any threat to their superiority.

Bullies Despise Success in Anyone They Deem Inferior

Additionslly, these bullies will have followers who will kiss up to them and many others who are afraid of them. You’ll know these people right away when you meet them.

They’ll be loud, obnoxious, and arrogant. These bullies will be in a clique and will have attitudes of self-entitlement. They’ll also expect perks and favors and more than likely get them. Anyone outside of their group, they will treat like dirt under their shoes.

Although talk is cheap and what they say behind your back is just a bunch of hot air, be careful your bullies don’t try to do something harmful to you.

dreamstime_xs_83974726

If you attract these bullies’ ire, here’s a short list of ways to keep them at bay:

1. Never reveal your plans and goals.
2. Never share anything you wouldn’t want anyone to know.
3. Display your talents, yes. But don’t brag about them.
4. Don’t dumb down for anyone, but don’t be too flashy with any intelligence, especially in the workplace.
5. Politely thank those who compliment you. Nothing more.
6. Humble yourself, yes. But you don’t have to undermine yourself to satisfy these brutes. Quiet confidence is key here.

Do these things, and you’re less likely to have a target on your back!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Daily Prompt- Who Do You Envy

I envy my mother, because I could never be half the woman she is.

I envy her loving smile

Her warm touch

Her sweet, soft voice

Her beauty, both inner and outer

Her graceful demeanor

Her generous heart

Her beautiful soul

I envy my mother, because I could never be half the woman she is.

I love you, Mom!

Bullies and Their Unsolicited Advice

Bullies are good at giving unsolicited advice, even through they despise it when the shoe is on the other foot.

They give you free advice on how think, act, or feel under any circumstances. What bullies are best at is telling you how you should react to the very abuse they inflict. These morons have a lot of nerve, don’t they?

However, I want you to understand why bullies do this. Bullies give unsolicited advice because it serves them to do so. How does it serve them, you may ask? It does so by giving their audience the impression that they know more and are more qualified than you.

In other words, bullies don’t give advice to help you. They give it to help themselves– to look cute and like they’re smarter than you.

Therefore, if you don’t know why bullies do it nor how to counter it, it can chip away at your self-esteem. So, what are ways that you can counter a smartass bully who gives you advice you didn’t ask for?

You Don’t Need a Bully’s Cheap Two Cents.

You counter this by having a clear understanding that the amount of weight another person’s opinion carries with you depends on their relationship with you. Or, at least, it should.

Put another way, the people who are the closest to you and whom you feel closest to are those whose opinions you should value the most. These are the people who love and care for you the most- your parents, grandparents, your spouse- your dearest family and friends.

In contrast, the opinions of any bullies, fake friends, anyone who uses and abuses you, should carry the least weight. We should never value the opinions or judgements of bullies. Ever! Even if the bullies happen to be bosses, teachers, or any other superiors, you don’t have to give any worth to any opinions they have. Only with superiors, you may want to handle this differently. Perhaps the best thing is to keep quiet about it until you find a way out from under their thumbs.

Understand that all through life, many people will give their opinions. However, those opinions won’t serve you nor will they have any bearing on your life.

Never Give Value to Anything that Has None.

Opinions are like elbows and everyone has one. But the value of an opinion must always be determined by who they come from and the relationship you have with them.

Therefore, stop giving undue value to the opinions of those who aren’t worth your consideration. In that, you happily discard any unsolicited advice from anyone who hasn’t earned your respect. When you do, you keep your power and your dignity.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The Psychology of Bullying — Autism Hall of Fame (Awetism Hall of Fame)’s Blog

Interesting article: https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/bullying/the-psychology-of-bullying-understanding-whats-behind-the-bully/ We think that it is very important that bullies understand that they are weak, not strong. Punishment does not really help (in our opinion) – some might even enjoy being suspended from school, or might enjoy all the attention, even if it is negative attention. What is really important is that they […]

The Psychology of Bullying — Autism Hall of Fame (Awetism Hall of Fame)’s Blog

When Bullies Move the Goalposts

Understand that bullies will always judge you and they will do it by default. In other words, they’ll judge you without provocation. You won’t need to do, wear, or say anything wrong because they will dissect everything until they find something wrong. Moreover, just your mere presence alone will invoke their judgements and attacks.

But know this. The negative suggestions and personal attacks they hurl are strictly to control you. That’s right. They insult you to control you. Realize that bullies want to make you think, feel, and act the way they want you to. Nothing more.

And those judgements, insults, and personal attacks come from a place of entitlement.

Therefore, you must realize that your bullies will not be happy with nor will they accept you, no matter what you do. And any efforts to win their approval will be like pouring water into a sieve.

Remember! It’s all About Control!

How many attempts to satisfy these bullies are you willing to make before you become exhausted? How long are you willing to shapeshift before you realize that conforming and adapting accordingly to their standards of who you should be will never yield the desired results?

You’ll only end up disheartened in the end. Because, just as you can never fill a sieve, you can never appease a bully.

So, stop wasting your time and energy. And stop sacrificing your happiness because these people aren’t worth the powder to blow them up. When you don’t stand up for yourself, others will only see you as an easy person and lose respect for you.

The amount of crap you put up with only determines how others treat you in the future. In other words, you teach people how to treat you by what you do or don’t put up with. And when you conform to the standards of others, you only discard your own standards.

Be Yourself in Every Way!

Isn’t it time you lived up to your own? Isn’t it time you begin living life on your own terms instead of someone else’s? Your choices, your likes and preferences, your pleasures, and your happiness should never depend on the permission of another.

Therefore, you must always be yourself. This means that you must have your own opinions, likes, dislikes, and preferences. Also, you must do the things you love most, no matter what others think. Be yourself in every way!

With knowledge comes empowerment!