The old saying that “birds of a feather flock together” rings true. The Law of Similarity dictates that in order to find good friendships, you must establish common ground. Understand that those who share the same activities, experiences, perspectives, and attitudes have a high probability of developing close friendships. Humans are naturally drawn to those who share mutual interests.
How targets make friends is to find like-minded people to bond with. And nothing bonds humans like a shared contempt for the same things, people, and groups. Therefore, developing connections with other targets is not only necessary but wise.
When a target finds others who have been bullied by the same bullies, it not only confirms that he isn’t alone in the fight, but it’s a juicy opportunity to make friends and allies. And these new friends just might back the target up the next time her bullies come calling.
Commonalities Attract
Also, it reinforces the fact that the target is not a bad person. It says that, despite what bullies and most others have told him, he can make friends. It sends the message that the target is a likeable person and automatically discredits the bullies. Therefore, having friends who share the same experiences is a real self-esteem booster.
When targets unite, they share sameness and, therefore, are least likely to face conflict with one another. Each target in the group finally feels understood.
Case in point, sameness will always attract people to one another. People tend to become friends with those most like themselves. When targets begin to associate with and create ties with others whom the bullies have targeted, they immediately establish common ground. It is this common ground which quickly develops rapport.
A “Target Rich Environment”
If you’re a target of bullying and you find it difficult to make friends, you can create a “target rich environment” for yourself by staying among other targets.
I cannot say this enough- we develop the best friendships with those who resemble us the most. We’re attracted to people with the same desires and pursuits. If you can find common ground, developing a positive relationship will be a cake walk!
So, how do you know that there’s common ground before you even talk to the person?
You start by noticing how the person dresses. Are there any similarities? If the person is wearing a tee shirt with the logo or picture of a rock group you like, there’s shared interest. And if they only have a slight interest in the group, you, at least, share a love of rock and roll music.
What a person is doing also gives clues. Also, their posture also has many tells in it. For example, if a person is sitting at the lunch table alone, slumps in their chair, and doesn’t interact much with others, you know that they have low self-esteem. And low self-esteem comes from bullying and abuse. So, don’t be afraid to go over and talk to them. You just might be the friend they’re looking for!
With knowledge comes empowerment!
Excellent advice Cherie but I must add a word of caution. The person whom the Gene character in He Was Weird was based on befriended me so he could offer me up as a sacrifice in order to get the bullies off his back.
So noted, Michael. That does happen from time to time and it’s sad.
It is sad.
I’ve used this tactic and I have to say the satisfaction of gaining new friends was far greater than I had anticipated! It really works!
Doesn’t it though! Sadly, I didn’t know to use this tactic in school, but I used it in the workplace years later! Worked like a charm! 😊😁
I agree with you on this one. It is important for victims to befriend victims they are often great people and understand what you are going through. Plus often times a bully bullies an entire group whether you know it or not. For example, say an Academic club at school. Often times a bully (usually someone struggling in school) will attack any group of successful overachiever.
It is also important to friend those who aren’t bullies and weren’t bullied a lot themselves but have true empathy and will stand up for you against bullying. There are some of those out there.
You’re so right, Respect! On both points! And some bullies do bully entire groups…they have a lot of chutzpah, don’t they? May you have an awesome New Year! 🎉
My goodness- I was reflecting just yesterday on how grateful I was that we connected this past year- I think it was c last February that I somehow stumbled upon your blog- it was a godsend moment! TRULY! Yesterday as I was expressing to my close friends on Facebook how grateful I was that despite an incredibly busy year of challenges, I was hugely blessed for having people in my life- new ones too and guiding lights like you who reach out to me waaaay up here in the bush to check in to say hey. 👥️ (You are a marvel- how quickly you reply to posts on your blog!!) Those connections mean everything to me!💛 (I know we have not met yet, but such is the way it seems to be these days- it seems so much easier to link up online with folks father than we traditionally are used to – unless you as I did, participated in penpals when you were in school.) Thank you again Cherie- you showed me that I am not the odd one- you gave me so much insight, hope and compassion. God bless you! So glad we landed in the same tribe! Cheers to 2023!🥂 💗Kim
Oh, Kim, this touches my heart in more ways than you know! Your reply really made my day! And I’m so glad that you and I crossed paths, your words have been wonderful assets to this blog and to my life and I could never thank you enough! From my family to yours, here’s wishing you a wonderful New Year! ❤️ 🥂🍾🎆🎉
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Aum Shanti
Thank you so much, Shanti 💖
So true Cherie and it makes sense in so many ways healthy or unhealthy as it is. It’s hard for people to break away from what they know but they need to have a deep desire and the staying power to change. Happy New Year Dear Cherie! Blessings of all you wish for and may peace be yours.
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Thank you so much, Cindy! This means more than you know. And you’re right in the implication that some people say it’s unhealthy but I don’t think so. From my family to yours, we wish you a wonderful 2023! ❤️