Month: January 2021

Is There a Connection Between Biological Changes and Bullying?

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I’m sure no one has thought of this, but I’ve lived long enough to notice that bullying seems to reach a peak during certain stages in people’s lives.

Puberty

Looking back, I remember that the bullying I suffered at school peaked from grade six to grade nine, then dropped somewhat after my freshman year. I’ve since read books, articles, and posts that supported what I experienced. I’ve even read and heard personal stories of other targets who suffered the worst and most frequent bullying during those years as well.

The twenties and Thirties

From my twenties until my late thirties, I got along rather well with people. Sure, I ran into a few jerks and even had a few enemies, but I can’t say that I experienced any bullying during those years. For the most part, I was well-received by people, especially people my age, during this period of my life. I loved going to work and felt equal and accepted by most.

What bullies I did know in the workplace during these years never targeted me. I do remember seeing them bully a few others. However, my reading and research into school bullying were in their infancy, and I hadn’t yet heard of bullying in the workplace. I was still under the impression that bullying only happened in school.

Therefore, back then, I didn’t realize what I was seeing and didn’t speak up but preferred to mind my own business. Also, I only saw a targeted coworker’s bullying in passing and assumed that the coworker wasn’t pulling their weight.

Although I hated seeing those targets suffer and always made a point to be polite and friendly toward them, that was as far as I went. I felt that there was nothing more I could do for them. Sadly, I share some of the blame for what those targets must have endured.

Eventually, I left that workplace and soon discovered the term “workplace bullying” when I was thirty-six years old after stumbling upon Tim Field’s website, BullyOnline.org. I found that this website was chock full of information about school bullying and workplace, family, and community bullying. Because of my horrible experience in school, I wanted to know about the other types of bullying and wanted to see if there were any similarities.

I hungrily read everything, and, to my surprise, there were! Child, teen, and adult bullying weren’t much different. I found that bullies of all ages and in all environments used the same tactics, and the only difference was that adult bullies were more stealthy in their attacks.

Change of Life

I didn’t experience bullying a second time until around my early forties. At the time, I was working at a nursing home, and many of the bullies were old classmates and others who were in their late thirties to mid-fifties- the exact age-range when people began perimenopause, mid-life crises and menopause.

During this time, I noticed a drastic uptick in bullying behavior and immature attitudes among people in this age group. The bullies were mostly women, but there were a few male bullies as well.

Because I’d already experienced bullying in school and had been doing about 15 years of reading and research on school bullying and nearly five years of research on bullying in the workplace, I was able to cover my behind and finally walk away from the job after working there almost three years. Luckily for me, I was able to leave confidently, when I was ready, and on my terms. However, I wasn’t the only one targeted.

I also witnessed the bullying of other targets as well. I saw people forced out of their jobs. Most of them were fired, a few were given the ultimatum to either resign or be terminated. One got angry and quit on the spot. Sadly, they weren’t as fortunate as I was, and my heart hurt for them.

During the time I worked in this nursing facility, I witnessed a lot of corruption and illegal activities. But I’ll elaborate on this in a future post.

In noticing the life stages of most of the bullies at work and remembering the peaks of bullying in middle school and middle age, I can’t help but wonder if, perhaps, a surge or drop in hormone levels could contribute to these spikes in bullying behaviors.

It’s definitely something for me to do more study and research on, and I’ll be sure to give updates on what I find, complete with links and sources.

A Day in the Life of a Target of School Bullying – Part 2

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brokenheart

(Continued)

When you arrive at school, everyone notices the glue in your hair and stained clothes. They point at you and laugh, call you horrible names, even lay hands on you. You are so distraught that when lunch arrives, you can’t even eat. Your stomach is in knots and your head pounds from the stress of being the outcast of your school. The nausea is intense!

You look around and watch everyone else having fun and enjoying school. You watch as girls flirt with their boyfriends and the boys snake an arm around their chosen young ladies. You watch the rest of your peers as they get to enjoy real friendships, getting invites to birthday parties, slumber parties, camping trips and dates. You watch them laugh playfully with each other, seeing the happiness in their eyes- the same eyes that look at you with disgust.

And that look of joy all over their faces slowly morphs into scornful scowls and eyes that flash and shoot fiery darts when they look in your general direction.

(Continued)

You want to be happy for them but no longer have it in you. Instead, you can’t help but to resent the hell out of their happiness and blessings…blessings that you yearn to have…that you would give your right arm for if that’s what it took! Blessings that they seem to take for granted!

Deep down, you know without a doubt you’re a great person and if they’d just get to know you, they’d feel differently. You wonder,

“Why can’t I have that? Why? I’m a good person. Don’t I deserve to have friends too?”

But God seems to be too busy to answer. You want to cry…to scream but can’t. You don’t want to let them see you sweat. You can’t bear the thought of them seeing you cry!

Your pride- what little you have left, won’t let you give them the satisfaction of knowing they have succeeded in destroying you. Because the truth is they have killed every opportunity for you to make friends of your own. Your classmates have squelched your chances of enjoying fulfilling friendships  and squashed your dating opportunities.

They have taken all of your accomplishments and good qualities, minimized and erased them.

After so long, you become angry and bitter and wish nothing but destruction for their friendships because they deserve to be taught how it feels. You want so bad to trade places with them and you fear that your lot in life is to wander this earth alone.

You watch as some of them even say horrible things behind their friends’ backs. But you notice that, strangely, the slighted friend is quick to forgive them and they get to go on being buddies, as if nothing ever happened.

But you? If you so much as walk by, they want to tear you to pieces. But they already do. You don’t have to provoke them. They tear you apart every day and have been for years. All for nothing but existing and for being YOU!

Then after lunch, the torment escalates to a full-blown brawl and you are physically attacked in the bathroom. Naturally, you defend yourself, trying to protect your well-being and keep from being hurt. This is the umpteenth physical attack that you’ve had to defend yourself and you’re just dog tired!

You’re exhausted- tired of having to fight just to get through what should be a normal school day! Tired of constantly ducking and dodging everyone!

Tired of laying low! Tired of having to grow eyes in the back of your head! Tired of being held hostage for eight long hours every day! Tired of being forced to adhere to the double-standards that your classmates have held you to for so long- too long! You aren’t just tired, you’re spent!

Your classmates have worn you down, trampled your dreams, your person-hood, confidence, self-esteem, and your rights to be yourself and to be safe.

A teacher breaks up the melee and you and your attacker are escorted to the principal’s office. If you’re lucky, you and your attacker both are suspended from school. If you aren’t, your classmates will rush to the defense of your attacker and only you will be suspended- for nothing more than trying to defend yourself from being hurt and possibly killed.

Because your peers have been standing in line for years, one by one, taking turns attacking you. You are always one of the two, or more, involved. Therefore, you have been labeled a troublemaker and now even some of the school staff are highly suspicious of you.

Only the few staff, who are more open-minded, understand what you are going through. However, their hands seem to be tied when it comes to effectively helping you.

(to be continued in part 3…)

From Victim to Victor: A Survivor’s True Story of Her Experiences with School Bullying eBook:

https://www.lulu.com/en/us/shop/cherie-white/from-victim-to-victor-a-survivors-true-story-of-her-experiences-with-school-bullying-how-she-overcame-won-back-her-confidence-and-found-peace-and-happiness/ebook/product-1nzv5nn7.html?page=1&pageSize=4

I Need Help With Something

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My fellow bloggers

I believe that when there’s a problem that’s overwhelming, it’s perfectly okay to ask for help and that no one should be afraid to do so.

I’m having trouble knowing where to place the  code for Google Ads and need a step by step guide to know exactly where to go to place the code. The directions that Google gives are way too vague. Could you help me?

Thank you so much in advance. Love you all.

Bullying People Perceived to Be Mentally Ill or Neuro-Diverse

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It’s comparable to racism.

Discrimination is discrimination, and prejudice is prejudice. It doesn’t matter who’s dishing it out or who is receiving it. The mentally ill and mentally disabled are still a minority; it doesn’t matter their sex, race, religion, or orientation. Even if you think that person is “crazy” and they happen not to be, you’re still guilty of discrimination, prejudice, and bias.

The mentally ill and disabled are favorite targets of bullies for several reasons:

1. They are different.
2. They are least likely to have the ability or know-how to defend themselves.
3. They don’t have the same protections as other minority or oppressed groups (racial minorities, women, LBGTQ, elderly, etc.).
4. Others flippantly disregard the mentally ill and disabled and do not see them as human.
5. They are least likely to be believed or taken seriously if they report abuse and victimization.

All the above leave the mentally ill and disabled most vulnerable, and bullies take full advantage! It’s no different than being a racial minority, a woman, a member of the LBGTQ community, or being a senior citizen.

In fact, it’s worse because other oppressed groups have more legal protections under the law than the mentally disadvantaged. Therefore, if you are a bully and you target these people, or you stand by and watch it happen without speaking out, you are no different than a card-carrying racist, homophobe, or misogynist!

There’s a term for this kind of bullying. It’s called Ableism!

Here’s something I’ll bet no one has thought of. If a person bullies these people, they probably are a racist, etc. They only hide it because it’s politically incorrect and against the law, and it’s not considered by society to be as evil or illegal to discriminate against those who are or are perceived to be mentally disadvantaged. The mentally ill are safer victims to bully, so they’re who bullies target.

Therefore, it would be safe to say that most bullies are racists and sexists at heart because bullies don’t accept anyone who is not like them. It doesn’t matter what the difference is.

The more you know.

A Day in the Life of a Target of School Bullying

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dreamstime_s_90415670

Imagine you’re in Middle School or High School. You wake up in the morning and eat breakfast. While you eat, your mother is busy preparing to go to work. You stare at your mother, wanting so badly to tell her was is happening at school and how much you hurt inside. But you’re much too afraid.

If you do tell her, will she assure you that she will address the situation or will she tell you that it’s all just a part of the school experience and that you should just put up with it?

Will she put her arms around you, give you loving motherly advice and tell you that none of it is your fault or will she blame you, telling you that you must be doing something to bring it all on yourself? Will she listen to you, or will she just dismiss you and tell you to ignore the bullies?

After replaying these questions and what your mother might say through your mind again and again, you decide that maybe opening up is a bad idea. You are also ashamed-of being bullied. It’s humiliating. How can you tell your family that you are the pariah of your school- that you are number one must wanted among your peers and not in a good way? What will they say? How will they react?

Soon, it’s time to go to the bus stop. You go, however reluctantly. You stand there, waiting for the school bus, hoping that maybe it broke down on the side of the road, had a flat, that something happened to delay it. You absolutely dread seeing the bus approach. You have a lump in your throat and it is extremely hard to swallow. You are terrified because you know what’s coming the moment you step onto that bus and later, when you walk through the school entrance.

Just like every day before and for the past several years, you will be ambushed, caught in a vicious onslaught of ugly names, taunts, digs, cruel pranks and probably even punches, kicks and shoves!

Just knowing this is enough to paralyze you and make your stomach turn. As you see the school bus approaching, your heart sinks and your stomach turns somersaults. You wonder if the torment will ever end. You wonder when the day will finally arrive when you can be like everyone else- strolling easily along in school, enjoying friends, laughing it up, and having the time of your life. You wonder, “Why not me?”

When the bus stops in front of you, the doors swing open and you step on. An instant hush falls over the other passengers and you notice the furtive looks, giggles and disapproving grunts as you make your way down the aisle to the first empty seat.

Suddenly, you hear several different voices,

“Oh God! Not him/her again!”

“Hey, bitch/punk! How does it feel that nobody likes you?”

“Nobody will EVER like you! You should have been aborted at birth!”

“You’re such a waste! Why don’t you kill yourself?”

This has been happening for so long that you have tried to overlook the taunts, numbing your pain and stuffing it deep down inside. However, you can only do this for so long.

As you near an empty seat, a girl gets up and spits in your face. A boy gets behind you and shoves you forward so hard you almost fall to the floor. Then you find an empty seat and sit down. The girl sitting behind you borrows glue from a little first grader and pours it in your long, shiny-clean hair. Another girl pours red food coloring down the back of your nice white blouse and brand-new jeans!

Child abuse with the eye of a young boy or girl with a single tear crying due to the fear of violence or depression caused by hunger and poverty and being afraid of bullying at school.

Now you must go to school with glue in your hair and a soiled outfit, only to be further ridiculed. You mother must work so there’s no way she can come take you home for a hair wash and clothes change. And because you don’t want to be a burden to your parents by telling them that you need for one of them to bring you a clean set of attire, you’re stuck at school all day, disheveled.

(to be continued in Part 2…)

From Victim to Victor: A Survivor’s True Story of Her Experiences with School Bullying eBook:

https://www.lulu.com/en/us/shop/cherie-white/from-victim-to-victor-a-survivors-true-story-of-her-experiences-with-school-bullying-how-she-overcame-won-back-her-confidence-and-found-peace-and-happiness/ebook/product-1nzv5nn7.html?page=1&pageSize=4

Happiness Isn’t a Pursuit, It’s a Choice.

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Many don’t know it but it’s true. Happiness doesn’t just happen to a lucky few. It doesn’t fall into your lap and it isn’t magically given. We choose happiness.

Once upon a time, I was one of the most negative people you ever met. I soon grew tired of being miserable and begin doing a lot of reading. That’s when my eyes were opened and I finally put in the time and the work to change my thoughts and attitudes.

And in changing those things, I changed my life. This is not to say that everything is perfect. I still have days when things don’t go the way I want. The only difference is that I no longer see it as the end of the world.

There are even times I get angry or upset, but the difference is that I don’t set up shop and stay there. I usually bounce back pretty quickly.

But how do you attain happiness?

Here’s how:

1. By checking your thoughts – it starts with a single thought. Anytime a negative or depressing thought crosses our minds, and they will, we must catch it and replace it with one that is positive. Once we begin to do this, it’ll slowly become a habit. Keep it up long enough and it will become like second nature.

And you’ll be so surprised how your life will change when positive people and experiences will suddenly begin flowing into your life.

2. By not sweating the small stuff – the small stuff are what people think and say of us. You shouldn’t worry about it because these people don’t matter and either do their opinions and petty remarks. Forget about them and continue to do you.

3. By doing what you love and enjoy the most – Do what fulfills you. Engage in hobbies and interests. You must create opportunities to enjoy yourself.

4. By spending time with the people you love – Hold your family and closest friends close to your heart. Visit them often and don’t lose touch.

5. By learning something new every day – if you’re not learning, you’re stagnating. Reading and learning new things can be exciting and it helps you grow! So, grab a good book or read articles. I guarantee that it will pay off huge dividends!

6. By finding a hobby if you don’t already have one – hobbies are fun, and they keep your mind off the bad stuff. They also give you a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment!

7. By staying away from drama – Others’ moods have a way of rubbing off on you. So, stay far away from anyone who’s immersed in the drama. Otherwise, they’ll smother and kill your vibe!

Do these things and I promise you! You’ll be on your way to joy!

But You’re My Parents. You’re “Supposed” to Love Me

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You’re at the dinner table eating with your child. Lately, you’ve noticed that your son or daughter, who used to be happy, carefree and bubbly, has been going through some changes. Your once happy-go-lucky child is now withdrawn, sad and sullen. You ask questions only to be stonewalled in the beginning. Finally, your son/daughter confides in you. He/she is being bullied at school and feels worthless and stupid.

You sit down beside your child, place a loving arm around their shoulders and tell them that you love them and that they are awesome no matter what others at school may tell them. You explain that they have value and are worthy of being loved. You even point out their best qualities to them, only to find that your loving words provide little, if any consolation or assurance.

Your teen or tween looks at you as if you do not know what you’re talking about and says, “You only love me because you’re my mom/dad.” or “I’m your kid. You’re supposed to love me.”

This is exactly what young victims think and say when well-meaning parents or grandparents begin attempting to convince them that they are, in fact, good people.

All too often, the parent is the last to know when their child is being bullied and by the time the parent or legal guardian does find out, the harassment has gone on for so long that the child’s self-esteem has already worn thin. This is why parents should never stop reminding their children/teenagers of their worth.

If your child is a victim of bullies at school, keep showing them love and affection. Never stop praising them because they need it now more than ever! Although children, especially teenagers may respond rather coldly and it may not look as if the loving words and gestures are having any effect right away. Your child does hear you and it just might be the only thing which keeps him/her from trying to harm themselves.

bullied victim crying tears

Know that for a few years, between the ages of about 10 to 18, life is about having friends, looking cool and being held in high regard by peers. Popularity is highly valued by those in this age group. Also, remember that bullying is a form of brainwashing. Bullies repetitiously remind victims that they are worthless and sadly, after enough time has gone by, the victim comes to believe it themselves.

Parents should be just as repetitious, if not more than the bullies when countering the messages that bullies bombard their children and teenagers with.

It may take time before the child begins to see their own goodness but rest assured that eventually, the positive words and actions toward the child will pay off and he/she will finally begin to realize that they really are awesome people. Therefore, the words of bullies will no longer be so devastating and chances are that the bullied victim will regain confidence. Better yet, they just might cease to be a victim because of that regained confidence!

If You Play the Fool, Be a Genius at It

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Though bullies may think you’re the stupidest person on the face of the earth, you can turn it against them and to your own advantage if you do it right.

Nobody likes to feel stupider than the next person, and bullies have a way of making you feel that way. The feeling that someone else is smarter than you are can be unbearable, and if bullies get the feeling that you’re smarter than them, they’ll always try to justify it by saying things like,

“You may have all the book smarts in the world but not have a lick of common sense.”

My classmates always used to say, “she may be good at writing and singing, but she ain’t good at anything else!” or my personal favorite, “If it weren’t for her singing voice or writing talent, she wouldn’t be worth a damn!”

But here’s a nugget of reality they hadn’t learned and, even today, still don’t know: Everyone’s a dummy outside of their talents, gifts, and fields!

Fish can’t fly,
Birds can’t swim,
Most pro football players can’t write fiction novels,
And most singers and writers probably suck at sports!

Michael Jordan may be an excellent basketball player, but he probably needs a ghostwriter to write a good book.

My point is that everyone has something they’re good at, maybe some haven’t found out what it is, but everyone has a talent somewhere!

I can’t count the times that people- classmates and some teachers, told me that very same line to remind me that I wasn’t as smart as I made myself out to be, even when I made good grades and high marks or was recognized for an achievement.

I seemed to get that little reminder all the time back then.

But understand that people will say things like this any time they feel you surpass them at something. Even better, they lull themselves into thinking you are dumber than anyone else! But if you see it as an opportunity, you can turn tables on bullies and make utter fools out of them- right before the eyes of everyone else!

So, let them delude themselves into a false sense of superiority. Oh yes! You read that correctly! Let them think you’re the dumbest, most ignorant fool around because it’s the first step in laying your trap for them.

And once they get the idea that you’re so dumb you couldn’t pour piss out of a boot, that’s when it’s time to pull something elaborate, sly, and shady as hell!

Look dumber than your bullies, and their perceptions of you will be your shield- your cover when you slyly bait them or attack them, trick or deceive them! And if they do find out you were behind it, it’ll be too late, and they’ll look like blooming idiots!

I’ll give you an example from when I was in middle school (then called junior high):

During the seventh grade, a group of girl bullies sat at the table next to mine, and they were brutal. One day, suddenly and out of the clear blue, they began acting nice.

I knew there had to be a catch somewhere, but I decided to humor them just to see what they wanted. Don’t they all want something when they suddenly begin pouring on the pleasantries? Sure enough, they very sweetly asked me to take up their trays (Ah-HA!!!)

There it was. Having seen them do the same to a smaller boy in the class, I smiled at them and agreed to do it. So, I decided to be their maid for a while, having cooked up something evil to spring on them.

Yep! I was a bit of a stinker back then.

Other kids laughed and thought I was a complete pushover. But I knew something they didn’t, and they’d soon find out when the opportunity arrived for me to put my plan into action.

I continued to play maidservant to them for the next week until they decided that they would get up and leave the lunchroom. The girls got a little bit too comfortable. They left their trays, empty milk cartons, dirty napkins, and other garbage lying on the table. They were so certain that I’d clean up behind them after they left.

I only got up and went to my next class, leaving those trays sitting right there on the table, where the girls had left them. As a result, the cafeteria ladies got all the girls’ names and reported them to the principal!

Ruh-roh!

The principal then came and got those girls out of class, took them back to the cafeteria, and made them clean up their mess. Oooh, the humiliation they suffered!

Word got around about it in minutes, and the girls became laughing stocks of the school! School staff would scowl at the girls, and other kids pointed fingers at them, calling them nasty pigs, dirty butts, skanks, slobs, and other degrading names!

‘You see? I played stupid for a while, then ended up making them look like the utter trash they were.

I’ll be honest here. I was loving every minute of it! And their reactions? Fury! Rage! They immediately threatened physical retaliation. They yelled, screamed, called me all kinds of names while I stood there and snickered.

Luckily nothing happened, and best of all, they never bothered me again after their anger cooled. They learned a valuable lesson in this: Never underestimate someone you think is stupid. They just might prove to be smarter than you think.

And if the opportunity presents itself, why not take it?

Mistaken for Stupid? Use It to Your Advantage!

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When people think you’re stupid, you can run circles around them if you know how to use it to your advantage. Believe it or not, you can use it to deceive the dickens out of your bullies and lull them into a false sense of security. You can give them a feeling of mind-superiority and disarm any suspicions they may have.

Here’s one of the anti-bullying quotes I put on social media a few years back.

“When people mistake you for being stupid, it can really be a good thing if you know how to use it to your advantage. You can pull some sly, shady stuff and get away with it because no one would ever suspect it was you. They’d never think you were smart enough to pull it off!”

This is especially true with aggressive bullies because they’ll often rush in foolishly and make rash, off-the-cuff decisions that can get them in hot water. It also works on arrogant and overconfident bullies because the easier they think it is to abuse you, the easier it is for you to flip the script on them.

And if you want to move up any ladder but are low on the social hierarchy, appearing dumb can be the perfect cover! Look like a complete moron, and no one will ever suspect you have tricks up your sleeve.

When bullies deem you a dummy, they don’t perceive you as a threat. They may look down on you, yes. But they’ll likely leave you alone. Then when you finally put your plan into action and strike without warning, they’ll be caught unawares.

So let them think you’re a complete idiot and use it as a weapon against them and a boon for you.

Bullies may laugh at you behind your back, but if you know how to use it to your advantage, you’ll be the last one laughing!

I’ll explain this deeper in the next post!

Cancel Culture Is Just Another Form of Bullying

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Lately, there’s been a ton of cancel culture going on not only in this country, but around the globe. Cancel culture seeks to do many things- to instill fear in people, silence them, and oppress them. It looks to cover up wrongdoing, abuses of power, and atrocities. CC and bullying are no different.

When it happens in school or the workplace, we call it bullying. When it happens on a political or government level, we call it cancel culture. Understand that cancel culture and bullying are one and the same.

Cancel culture enforces a double-standard and holds targeted people to standards that no one outside the targeted group lives up to.

What is wrong for the targeted group is right for the in-group. What’s celebrated for one person or group is loathed in another. What’s deemed illegal for one person or group is legal, even heroism in another.

Sound familiar? It should.

This is bullying on a grand scale. Because one group has the right to commit crimes, hurt, and kill people. But the other group doesn’t even have the right to defend themselves or their families and homes against the same criminals who are given carte blanche to harm them.

Many people have lost their jobs, livelihoods, homes, even families to cancel culture. Understand that cancel culture is bullying and it isn’t right to refuse someone else’s right to speak, think, work, flourish, and exist simply because they have different opinions, beliefs, and perspectives than you.

If this isn’t mass bullying, I don’t know what is!

The message cancel culture send is, “We can, you can’t,” “Do as I say, not as I do,” “Rules for thee and not for me,” and dissenting opinions need not apply.”

So, what shapes our opinions, beliefs, and perspectives?

Several things:

  1. The family we’re born into
  2. The environment we grew up in
  3. Personal experiences
  4. Education
  5. Culture

Cancel culture isn’t just defamation and smear campaigns. No! It goes much further.

It includes doxing the target- digging up information about the target and their family and using it to cause harm to the target and his/her loved ones. Cancel culture seeks to take away the target’s good name and standing in society, their rights to earn a living and feed their family, and their physical safety. I don’t care what side of the aisle you’re on. Cancel culture is wrong! It’s evil and it has to stop!

I want you to understand that everyone has a divine, God-given right to their own opinions, to be neutral, or to stay silent. These are Human rights, and again, no matter what side of the aisle we’re on, we each have those rights!

Right before our very eyes, certain groups are being conditioned not to defend their most precious rights. They’re also being programmed not to believe what they see happening, nor to listen to their God-given gut instincts. And it’s scary!

Nowadays, it’s too easy to destroy someone’s life and take everything away from them- everything they’ve worked hard their whole lives for. The sad thing is that, if a bully wants to destroy you, they don’t need evidence to back them up. They don’t need proof to do it.

All it takes is an accusation, an allegation, or suggestion.

All it takes is a tweet, Facebook post, or any online post from ten-fifteen years ago.

All it takes is one harmless joke that’s deemed offensive, or a picture of you from the seventies or eighties in a Halloween Costume that is seen as politically incorrect today.

Bullies can dig up something from years ago, a high school photo, an old photo of you at a kegger or house party when you were a wet-behind-the-ears teenager and wipe you out! There’s no forgiveness or redemption on the internet!

Yes, people! This is the crazy world we’re living in now.

Cancel Culture doesn’t take into consideration that people grow up. It doesn’t care about the fact that people change as they get older or that we learn from our mistakes. Maturity doesn’t sway it. Cancel culture has no concern that we all do and say stupid things when we’re kids and that we’re all human beings capable of making errors.

Understand that if bullies cannot pin anything on you, they will either claim that you’re mentally imbalanced, or they will dig up something, anything from your past that puts you in a bad light.

I’ll say again. Cancel culture is bullying of the highest order. It’s also stalking and it’s dangerous. Cancel culture puts our very lives at risk and people have had to flee their own homes due to doxxing and having their lives and the lives of their family threatened. There are even a few that have gone into hiding. Some have even had to go underground.

It is my hope that people wake up and see the craziness and obsessiveness of cancel culture. Each and every one of us should take a stand against this madness.

Believe it or Not, Bullies Get Talked About Too

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If there’s one thing small towns are known for, it’s gossip. If you find yourself unfortunate enough to be a victim of bullies in a small town, gossip about your (perceived) transgressions has reached from city limits to city limits…at light speed.

However, take it from someone who has been there. Bullies get talked about too, only people never talk openly about them. Because the talkers fear becoming the bullies’ next targets, the talk is always in secret.

Believe me, you aren’t the only one being victimized. There are others. But because the others more than likely won’t admit to being bullied and because bullies will never tell you if there are others, you never hear about it and, therefore, mistakenly think that you are the only one they pick on.

If you are a victim of bullies, it would be in your best interest to find out who your bullies’ enemies are and align yourself with them. It’s what I did, and boy, did I find out some really juicy tidbits about their lives…most of which is rather embarrassing information!

I didn’t have to ask. I would only sit or stand quietly, observe, and listen! Bullies may think they’re stars, but scratch the surface, and you’ll discover that they don’t shine so brightly after all.

One of my bullies is now a nurse, and I am good friends with several nurses who’ve had the displeasure of working with her. In their words, “she is as incompetent as they come.”. Also, she has a big family secret, and if you’ve lived in the same town that she lives in long enough, you know what that secret is.

I’ll stop here to protect privacy. For years, this woman has bounced from one job to another, either getting fired or quitting when things didn’t go her way. She has also been through five, maybe six marriages.

Another bully dropped out of high school and ended up working as a waitress. She now owns her own restaurant but barely breaks even. Several others are incarcerated or have been, with one being convicted of murder and another convicted of armed robbery, running guns, and possession of illegal substances.

The bullies I battled in school are only ordinary people. Yet, even today, most of them continue trying like mad to keep up with the Jones’s, making everyone think they have beaten the rat race and failing miserably. Most have never left the small town and still put on the facade of power and a perfect life. It’s hilarious when you really think about it.

Here’s some advice:

1. Befriend your bullies’ enemies. Befriend the other outcasts in your school, workplace, or community. Because I guarantee you that you aren’t the only one they’ve steamrolled. Bullies leave a lot of shattered lives in their wake and make lots of enemies. And strength always comes in numbers.

2. Listen out! You will hear many stories about your bullies from other outcasts and other people who cannot stand them. You will be surprised at what you find out. It may be that your bullies get laughed at too. People are only careful who they do it around and are quieter about it. They must be, or the bullies will target them too.

Bullies aren’t as important or invincible as they put on. It’s only an act! People such as these must work hard to maintain the facades they put on, and the reason they give victims a difficult time is that victims don’t have to work that hard. They simply choose to be themselves.

How do I know this? Because I ingratiated myself into the good graces of the enemies of my bullies and would get an ear-full every time we got together.

Any information you get about your bullies is valuable to you. Always! Because it can then be used as leverage should the bullies come for you.

Make no mistake. Bullies have enemies…LOTS of them! However, they will never in a million years tell you about it. They don’t want you to believe that others disrespect them behind their backs because it would shatter the image of invincibility they’ve set for themselves.

Instead, they want you to believe that everyone loves them and thinks they are the best things since the wheel’s invention. And they want you to believe it because they want you to feel bad about yourself.

Put another way, if bullies can make you think that everyone loves them, then you’re more likely to believe the lie they drum into your head every day. That you’re just plain garbage. Because a bully’s popularity and greatness (perceived or not) only serves to re-enforce any dislike the target has for themselves after they’ve been bullied for so long.

Please don’t let this happen to you. Befriend your bullies’ enemies. Open your eyes not only to your great value and worth but also to the facades your bullies hide behind and the acts they put on. I guarantee that your self-esteem will skyrocket.

Narcissists, Bullies, and Jealousy

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Bullies see any recognition the target gets for a good deed, high marks, an accomplishment, or success as the target’s having diminished them somehow. If you’re a target, these types of bullies will only see any success you enjoy as a reflection on them.

You force them to think about and take stock of their own successes and failures. Understand that it’s the bullies’ self-focus that sets the stage for their anger and hostility toward you. They will personalize your success as if you’re an opponent who’s competing with them for the same prize.

The bullies are forced to compare themselves with you because they’re afraid that other people will consider them less worthy or important than you. They feel invisible and left out because they’re not getting the praise that you’re getting. So, they get a sense of disregard from others.

But rather than have normal feelings of disappointment and regret, they have anger and hatred toward you.

Although you never harm them, the bullies feel a sense of injustice because they feel that you don’t deserve the recognition, but they do. They feel wronged and very much entitled to their anger and hostility.

Bullies will then accuse you of thinking you’re better than they are- as if they know what you’re thinking. And they really do think they can read your mind correctly, which then only further arouses their anger and hate.

Again, according to the bullies’ logic, you’ve wronged them somehow so, you are the enemy. And this perceived wrong that you’ve done compels the bullies to act hostile toward you because the bullies’ egos have been bruised by your successes and accomplishments.

Just as money is the root of evil, the ego is the root of jealousy. And bullies have enormous egos!

How Bullying Can Sharpen Your BS Detector

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If you were ever a victim of bullying, it more than likely did the same for you. This is not to say that abuse of any form is a good thing because no one should ever be bullied. Ever! However, though painful and humiliating when it was happening, a bullied past has had its positive takeaways, one of which is my fine-tuned ability to smell bulls*** from a mile away.

Judging from my own experience and having heard stories of others who have endured the same, being a target of bullies has a way of giving you an almost psychic ability to see through people and detect true motives and intentions.


It allowed me to observe a large group of people, then spot and pick out the fakes and troublemakers at lightning speed and with accuracy. I don’t have to speak a word to anyone, only stand back and watch.

Just as a person who loses his sight experiences a much keener sense of hearing, a victim of bullying quickly grows the ability to read people like newspapers. Why? Out of sheer necessity. Many survivors can read body language like an FBI agent, deciphering the tiniest of micro-expressions. In fact, one can even pick up on the vibes others put out…especially negative ones.

When any certain skill is mandatory for your survival, nature gives you no choice but to quickly hon that skill and use it to near perfection.

I consider this sixth sense to be a gift. However, this gift came at a heavy price.

Ways to Figure Out Who the Real Bully Is

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blame victim

Reactive bullying happens when a victim has taken so much abuse for so long that the pressure builds to the boiling point, the targeted person blows up or ‘snaps,’ lashing out at their tormentors. In essence, the victim “bullies them back.”

Believe me. I get that people can only take so much. I understand that victims are sick of it, and I’m with them. However, targets don’t realize that an explosive reaction is precisely what the bullies want. They want the target to snap. Bullies want the victim to blow up on them so they can then claim victimhood and make their victims look like the bully.

If you are a parent, teacher, supervisor, or manager, understand that bullies are experts at baiting a target into a reaction, then using the justified response as proof that the targeted person is “mentally unstable,” “crazy,” “a dangerous person,” “too sensitive,” or a “drama queen”!

Bullies also use the victim’s normal reaction to guilt and convince him/her that it’s all their fault and make statements such as:

“Well? Maybe if you wouldn’t get so overly emotional, you’d have friends!”

“If you didn’t overreact to everything, people would want to be around you more!”

In short, bullies gaslight their targets with statements like these to make excuses for the behavior and deflect the blame back onto the victims. And sadly, it works like a charm, and bystanders and witnesses believe the target is unstable.

Note: A perfect example is a scene in the movie “Home Alone” when the main character, Kevin McAllister’s older brother Buzz makes a fake apology to his family, then sneakily calls Kevin a trout-sniffer during a family meeting after the fiasco in the kitchen over Kevin’s cheese pizza. Notice how Buzz baits his younger brother Kevin into a reaction!

If you are a target, I want you to understand that there is a name for this. It’s called gaslighting, and it’s a trick to throw you off balance. Realize that every single human one of us is capable of losing our cool when we’re under that kind of pressure. After we’re attacked and subjected to vile treatment for so long, we snap and act a fool.

This is why teachers, supervisors, and others in authority must learn to distinguish between provocation and a reaction so that they will be able to identify the real bully and victim. And targets must also learn to tell the difference between the two so that instead of erupting, they can call it out when it happens.
Luckily, here’s a surefire sign to look for:

A victim who has only reacted always feels terrible about the way they acted once they’ve calmed down.

The real victim is usually the first to apologize for it.

A real victim will also not be afraid to admit they’ve made a mistake.

the sad girl has problems with mockery and bullying at school.

A bully, on the other hand, always has to be right and will never admit they’ve done anything wrong.

A bully will still place blame on the victim and be overly critical of the victim and the reaction.

Bullies will also use the tiniest screw-up or imperfection and make it bigger than it is. They are also excessively dramatic.

Please note that if the bully is a smooth talker, he might even admit to a few minor mistakes or wrongdoings. However, they will always follow that with the claim that the victim is at fault.

So, always look for these signs, and you’ll be able to peel the mask off the bully, layer by layer! Moreover, you’ll be able to protect and care for the victim!