So many people need to read this beautiful post about knowing your worth! Not enough people know theirs. And it’s sad.
In many aspects of our everyday life, we do not give ourselves enough credit for who we are; a lot of us do not know our worth or sometimes fail to recognise it. If we treat ourselves as if we are worth less than we are, we leave room for self-doubt and a lack of […]
via Know Your Worth — Life of Shadz
I wonder if they’re the right person to bring into my life.
I wonder if we’ll have anything in common or if we’ll share any of the same hobbies.
I wonder what their attitude is and how their parents raised them.
I wonder about their mental health and outlook on life.
Are they an optimist or pessimist?
Are they ambitious?
Are they loving and caring?
Do they know who they are?
Do they know what they want and where they’re going?
Do they have their priorities in order?
Are they petty gossips, or are they the kind who don’t have time for such nonsense?
Do they love or loathe themselves?
Are their families decent, respectable, and upstanding people?
Do they have frequent run-ins with the law?
Do they have an alcohol or drug problem?
Beautiful brunette model with a halo behind her. Fashion and glamour style
Oh yes! I take all of it into consideration when I meet someone. This is not to say that I judge them because I judge no one. However, I am particular of who I keep company with for reasons of safety and self-preservation.
For example, if you met someone, then found out later that they did time for rape, robbery, or murder, wouldn’t you be cautious of that person? Would you want them around you or your loved ones?
However, when I was young, I wondered if they were going to like me. I didn’t realize how unhealthy that is.
Understand that anytime you worry needlessly, whether others like you, you’re more likely to be so desperate for approval that you’ll take people at face value. And that’s not good because you’ll end up inviting the wrong kinds of people into your life!
I want you to realize that there’s a difference in judging people and being selective of the company you keep.
So, don’t be so quick to invite into your world everyone you meet.
Don’t judge, but do be selective!
Great post from Indy K12 about toxic teachers and toxic workplaces!
There is not enough self-care in the world that can shield a person from a toxic work environment. I had a few jobs before I became a K-12 educator. I worked in my dorm’s cafeteria, at Villa Pizza in the student union at Purdue, and at a church daycare. The work environment was nice. People…
via Toxic Teachers Need to Go — Indy K12
Bullying hurts. It’s not the physical beatings in the locker room. It isn’t the trippings in the hallways nor having your books knocked out of your arms. Neither is it the name-calling nor the threats. It’s not the rumors, the lies, and smear campaigns, nor is it the setups to get you into trouble, the jokes or pranks.
It’s the cumulative sum of all factors:
It leaves the target feeling that he’s lost all control over his life and that he no longer has a say in what happens to him- it’s the feeling of having power over nothing!
Is it any wonder that in an attempt to snatch back control over something, anything, many targets soon begin to bully those who are even more vulnerable than them?
Through their own victimization, targets learn that to keep from feeling so powerless, they must bully too. In bullying them, bullies unwittingly teach their targets how to bully.
We call these people bully-victims– people who are both bullies and are targets of other bullies. They bully to feel better about themselves and to ascend a few rungs up the social ladder.
Nobody wants to be on the bottom. Everybody wants to be better than somebody. It’s a sad part of human nature.
sad young boy sitting on the floor with text stop bullying written with chalk on chalkboard. social problems of humanity
Just as people are fighting like crazy to stay on top, others struggle to keep off the bottom. As it is quoted, “Sh¬** rolls downhill and lands at the bottom.”
Person A at the top bullies Person B, who is second from the top.
Person B then bullies Person C, and so on.
And down the pecking order, the nastiness rolls until it lands on Person Z at the bottom. Then, everyone bullies Person Z because Person Z is defenseless! There’s no one for Person Z to bully because he’s the one with the least power of all the others.
Anyone on the bottom is going to catch hell because they’re powerless. And that person will likely be kept on the bottom because no one wants that position. Therefore, everyone keeps Z down to ensure that none of them ever take Z’s place.
That’s how it works, folks!
As long as someone else is on the bottom, it keeps you and everyone else safe from being there. It’s why bully-victims get bullied by pure bullies, then go on to select their own victims to degrade and humiliate.
However, must of the time, this doesn’t turn out good. Because sometimes, bully-victims become worse off then pure bullies or pure victims.
Pure bullies are people who don’t get bullied by other people.
independent 20s girl with threatening body language
Bully-victims are both bullies and victims of bullying by other bullies. And they bully far more than the pure bullies do because they have more to prove.
Bully victims are far more hated and ostracized than pure bullies or pure victims. They’re lonelier and have few friends or none at all.
Bully-victims often resort to trickery and deceit. Many are pathological liars, cheats, fakes and sneaks. They believe that humans are the lowest forms of life on earth. Bully-victims tend to be Machs.
Understand that bully-victims need help. They need someone to get it through their heads that just because people are bullying them doesn’t make it okay to turn around and bully someone else.
But tell them lovingly and with patience because they’re badly hurting inside themselves and need someone to listen to them and gently guide them in the right direction.
This is a wonderful post from “The Rambles of a Dreamer” blog. And it resonates so much with me as I’m sure it does some of you.
Beautiful message from the “Indians Abroad Desi Videsh Me” blog.
Don’t dilute yourself for any person or any reason. You are enough! Be unapologetically you. ― Steve Maraboli ******
via Celebrate Being Unique — Indians Abroad Desi Videsh Me
A beautiful but heartbreaking about invisible illnesses and the judgement dished out to those who have them. From the “Fractured Faith” blog as reblogged by “Rethinking Scripture”.
No words needed. People with mental illnesses may not have broken bones but they have broken dreams, broken minds and broken hearts. Their illnesses may be invisible but the signs are there if you take the time to look for them. The onus is on you to reach out to them, not for them to […] […]
via A Re-Blog: Care Enough To Look — Fractured Faith Blog — Rethinking Scripture
Why should I put on a veil of perfection?
Why should I hide my flaws? Everyone has them whether they admit it or not.
Why should I bend over backward to conform to being the cookie-cutter version that everyone wants me to be? It takes strength and bravery to be oneself.
Why should I be forced to suppress my emotions when the situation calls for it, and I’m rightfully sad, afraid, or (gasp!) pissed off?
Why shouldn’t I allow myself to make mistakes? That’s how we learn.
Why shouldn’t I, on some days, let myself lounge around the house in my pajamas and no makeup?
Why shouldn’t I allow myself to splurge on a tub of Ben & Jerry’s every now and then?
Why shouldn’t I allow myself to have my own opinion?
Why shouldn’t I allow myself to speak my mind when need be?
I’d rather be myself exactly as I am, the good, bad and ugly. I won’t suppress any aspect of me. I allow myself to be completely human, no matter who doesn’t like it.
To deny humanness is to be fake. Being fake is too much work, and I’m too lazy.
So, your bullies have suddenly had a change of heart. They’re finally treating you right. They’re finally talking to you like you’re equal to them. The bullies are smiling in your face, giving you pats on the back, and talking to you like you’re one of them and you belong.
But you’re smarter than what they give you credit for. You notice that the bullies are so sweet – too sweet. You think that if they don’t stop with the pleasantries soon, you’ll surely fall into a sugar coma!
You also notice a slight fakeness in the tones of their voices and that instead of making you feel good about yourself, they instead make you feel a little gross. But you don’t mention it to them. Just stay polite yet neutral.
The bullies are even inviting you to sleepovers, parties, cookouts, lunch and dinner dates, meetings, and family get-togethers. Every time these people talk to you, they seem to gush over you, and there again is that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach.
You grow suspicious of them, and rightfully so. And in your mind, you ask yourself, “Why are they acting so nice to me all of a sudden?”
You politely decline the invitations they extend to you. But trust me, they won’t give up so easily. There will be a few more tricks up their sleeves. You can bet on it.
Here’s another bad sign to look for:
1. They’re nosey. The bullies will seem so interested in your life and in what you’re doing. But don’t be flattered. Chances are, they’re only probing you for information they can use against you later.
They will ask you a ton of questions about your family and what you do outside of school or work. Those questions are innocent enough. However, they will slowly and gradually move into more personal territory.
Bullies will begin asking you what your political views and beliefs are and about your religious views. You don’t have to answer those. It’s none of anyone’s business!
Before long, they will begin prying into your personal and private business. These snoops will ask your opinion of this person and that, who you’re dating, how you feel about this, that and the other. They will ask questions that anyone with a brain would know better than to ask. Some things are just off limits!
Bullies will even share with you some personal deets about themselves. But don’t be fooled! They’re only doing it to put you at ease and in hopes that you’ll share a few of yours. Again. Don’t fall for it!
Understand that any time someone asks questions that are none of their business, it’s a dead giveaway that they intend to use your answers against you. Don’t answer them!
Also, anytime people ask you very personal questions, it also means that they don’t respect your right to privacy. And be warned that when you refuse to let them in on your private business, they may come back and accuse you of “having something to hide.”
Don’t believe it! Because it’s not about having anything to hide, it’s about knowing that some things aren’t anyone’s business, and they should respect that.
Never share anything that you wouldn’t want anyone else to know!!!
back-stabbing colleagues threatening employee with scissors and knife
Many bullies bully because they’re jealous of their targets. But they would never in a million years admit it. Because to admit something like this would be to admit failure and inferiority. And the last thing a bully will risk is to look inferior, especially to their target!
Here are the signs that the person is jealous:
1. They tear you down. Anyone who’s secretly jealous of you will insult you and criticize you behind your back. But they won’t have the guts to say anything to your face because you intimidate them. They will always degrade you when you’re not there to defend yourself.
Here are other reasons they may gossip about you when your back is turned:
a. You make them feel powerless (and you won’t know that you do).
b. They know that what they’re saying is either exaggerated or untrue.
c. If you’re not there to hear them, you can’t fall them out on it and they can say what they want.
d. Tearing you down restores their own image. When you look bad, they think it makes them look good. They then start to feel superior again as they drag you through the mud.
Persuasion concept. Man and woman whispering in girls ear. Copy space on yellow background.
2. They trivialize your successes and accomplishments. These kinds of bullies will try to make you feel bad about your achievements. They say things like, “Anybody could’ve done that!” or “You didn’t do anything special!”
The reason these people act like this is because they only wish they’d done it themselves. Understand that bullies undermine your achievements and successes because they don’t want to feel like a failure in comparison to you.
3. They provoke you into arguments and altercations. This can be aggravating. They start confrontations with you because they don’t like to lose! And when people are jealous of you, you may seem better than them in a lot of ways. You may be super intelligent or very attractive. You may have a good reputation and have lots of friends. You may have more than them- anything really.
These bullies feel like you’re always winning and they’re always losing.
Anytime they interact with you, they are searching for any weakness or flaw you may have that they can exploit. They will bide their time, waiting for you to say something wrong. And when you finally do, they’ll make a huge deal of it. They will make a mountain out of a molehill. And they’ll never let it go!
I want you to understand that jealous bullies are desperate to beat you at something!
Crazy young man in white shirt standing and screaming at woman in pink dress. woman dont care and looking at camera with toothy smile. indoor studio shot, isolated on light brown background.
They will provoke the pettiest, stupidest arguments and refuse to give up because they feel insecure around you. Be aware that bullies need to score these petty little victories to feel good about themselves again!
4. Blind hatred. Sometimes these types of bullies can’t pinpoint and don’t know what to do with their jealousy. But if the bullies really hate you, why are you on their minds so much? Could it be because they’re trying to cover up how much they like you? They may tell others how much they despise you when they actually want to be like you.
5. They copy you. They may copy your image by dressing like you, they may steal your ideas and your work and claim it as theirs. And they may imitate you.
6. They will make up competition. Again. Understand that when bullies do this, they are desperately trying to beat you at something – anything! They’ll challenge you at something you don’t normally do or something they know you aren’t good at. And they won’t stop until they do beat you at something. But let them. And when they finally do beat you at something, just clap and be happy for them. Let them have that little win because you’ve got bigger and better things to accomplish. And – it might even get them off your back for a while.
Hand writes “And the winner is…” on blackboard
Please know that you aren’t at fault in this situation. You did do anything wrong. Understand that these people have issues and they need help! But they will never in this lifetime admit that to you or anyone else.
Keep shining and keep knowing that the reason these people do these things is because they really know that you’re awesome. And it scares them to death!
Bully boy teasing into camera, expressing aggression, POV victim of bullying
Bullies are fake. They have to be to instill fear in those around them. And they resent anyone content with themselves and comfortable in their own skin.
Here’s Why:
1. Most bullies are highly insecure– more insecure than others; people who are themselves are usually more charming, seductive and graceful. An authentic person will captivate others without trying. Because of his openness and fluidity, he draws people to him like a magnet. And bullies are jealous of anyone who enjoys good relations with others.
Understand that not only are bullies insecure, but they’re also vain. Authentic people outshine them without even trying and just their presence alone makes the bullies appear less alluring and charismatic to others.
Avoid these vanity bullies like the plague because they will find a way to destroy you if you stay around them. These people will only force you to suppress your natural charm and goodness, so you won’t look like you’re better than them.
2. People who are themselves don’t have to make any effort because they are their natural selves. On the other hand, being fake requires a lot of work. There are also a lot of worries that go with it- worries that you might slip up and get your lies twisted, that you may accidentally expose yourself through your actions, and that your true personality will somehow seep through.
Bullies resent the fact that authentic people don’t have to work and worry as they do.
But no matter what these bullies may throw at you, never be afraid to be yourself. Never hide anything about you. Because if you do, you’ll only lose a bit of yourself each time you put on an act until you lose yourself entirely.
To be fake, you to work too hard. I’m too lazy for that. And so is anyone who prefers to be themselves.
Short poem by Meena Walia, from “Meena’s blog!
Be afraid of the one who fears nothing, He is most dangerous coz he has nothing to lose, He can cope with absolutely anything, And beat ace high with a pair of two’s….
A great post from Judi Lynn! I will definitely order her books!
I just turned in the manuscript for my fifth Jazzi Zanders mystery–The Body in the Past. I beat my deadline–Nov. 4–and it feels good. In this book, Jazzi is trying to find out what happened to a young girl who died in the house she, Ansel, and Jerod are flipping. Someone pushed her off her […]
Cancer is perhaps the biggest bully a person can ever battle. Thank you, Abigail, for this touching post. Sending you lots of love and positive vibes!
It a huge juggle. Especially when you have a day job, a husband, family, grown children, aging parents and errands. Also, I prepare new posts ahead of time. Handwriting them, then writing them in a Word document to save in a folder before posting.
the thing I love most about blogging is the networking and the interactions with other bloggers and followers. I love getting to know them, reading their posts, commenting on them and reblogging them to give them some extra exposure. I feel like we bloggers are one big family and that’s the best feeling in the world.
As bloggers, we put our stories out there, sharing the most emotionally intimate parts of ourselves, parts that we wouldn’t share with just anyone in real life.
We open up to each other, share our pain, our feel-good moments, our good times and bad, our challenges, our tears and our joys! And it’s truly a blessing because for some, this is the only outlet they have.
I only wish I had the courage to open up and meet you all sooner.
For me, time management is a booger! But I’m glad to say that I’m finally learning more about the tools available in WordPress, learning more of the ropes, and new ways to make better use of my time and reach more of you.
And thank the Lord for the option and ability to schedule automatic posts!
With that said, I don’t always get to network with everyone nearly as much as I would like and that hurts me. And I want you all to know that I’m truly sorry if it has ever seemed like I’ve gone silent for a few days.
However, I want you all to know that each of you are a blessing to me and that I enjoy interacting with you. I enjoy reading your posts, commenting on them and talking back and forth with you. And I value you more than you know.
And I will always come back to see if you’ve posted something new for me to read. Thank you so much, my blogger friends and followers for everything you do! Thank you for being my friends, thank you for posting new material for me to like and comment on, and thank you for not being afraid to be your authentic human selves and being so open. You all inspire me in so many ways!
Sincerely,
Cherie