Month: March 2024

I Challenge You to Love Yourself

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When people target you for bullying, loving yourself can be very difficult. How can you feel good about yourself when it seems that the only thing you hear from others is negativity? People constantly bombarding you with ugly names, cruel taunts and attacks, even for a short time, makes life harder than what it needs to be.

However, over a long period of time,it can have a cumulative and devastating effect on your self-esteem. And if you aren’t careful, you too will begin to believe the cruel falsehoods that mean-spirited others tell you.

Nevertheless, no matter how viciously others may treat you, it’s imperative that you do everything possible to hold on to self-love! Even if you have to look at yourself in the mirror every day and make positive affirmations.

Loving yourself is the most important thing you can ever do for yourself.

“I AM a good person”

“I AM worthy of being loved”

You must maintain your self-esteem and never let anyone brainwash you into thinking that you are less than.

 

You must love and respect yourself before anyone else can love and respect you. Also, you must take care of YOU. You must command respect and love from others, including toxic family members that you love dearly. And be willing to make some very difficult decisions in order to receive that love and respect.

Sometimes, you have to walk away, knowing full well that there is always a chance that the person may never see your worth. And this means coming to a place where you no longer care even the slightest about the outcome.

self-love sometimes means making difficult, even heartbreaking decisions.

However, there is a strong chance that your value will go up in that person’s eyes and they will eventually see your worth and treat you better than you ever thought possible. It may not happen overnight. In fact, it may take up to several years, but it can happen.

If, by chance, it does not happen, realize that you did not turn your back on the person because you did not love them, but only because they did not love you enough to treat you with the love and respect that you know in your heart of hearts that you deserve.

You must love yourself or nobody will love you. Never look outside of yourself for love and validation. Never depend on others for assurance of your value. Let love come from within your heart!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Why You Should Unlock Your Confidence

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Confidence is the most important characteristic you can ever have. Not only does it ward off bullies in school, it brings you good things all through life. It does not matter how smart you are or how high your grades are.

You can have five PhDs and be the smartest person on the face of the earth. But if you don’t have confidence, you will not be able to effectively communicate nor interact with people. Your social/people skills will be lacking and you won’t get anywhere in life.

confidence brings positive change in your social life

Whether you choose to believe this, the reality is that other people really do have control over whether we succeed or fail in life. Other people are the gatekeepers to our success and if you think otherwise, you are only fooling yourself.

I’ll give you a few examples: You can’t get that high position you want without being selected for the job by another person- the interviewer, who could be the owner of the company, an HR manager, or supervisor.

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Even during school, although the vast majority of teachers and professors are honest and grade students fairly regardless of how they may feel about the individual, it’s still not unheard of for a student to receive a failing grade solely because the instructor didn’t like them. It does happen, though not often.

Confidence= great people skills= charm= great friends and connections= success!!! Great people skills will always trump smarts, good grades, high marks, and college degrees! Always!

confidence or lack of it always shows.

Confidence, or lack thereof, is something that people notice right away when they meet you for the first time. When you walk into a job interview and meet your interviewer, he is going to notice right away whether you are confident in yourself and if you’re not, chances are very unlikely that you will get hired for that esteemed position that you have been coveting. The reason for this is that if you’re not confident in yourself, how then can you expect others to be confident in you?

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Make no mistake about it. Confidence is the number one ingredient in all areas of your life. It’s the first trait that potential employers look for and not only potential employers but also prospective associates, prospective customers, friends, and dates. Whether or not you are confident is something that everyone looks at unless they are so low on confidence themselves that they can’t afford to be the least bit selective.

guard your confidence and self-esteem as you would your life!

This is why you must never let a bully take away your confidence. If another person has already taken it away, you must fight like crazy to get it back. You do this by surrounding yourself with people who love you and lift you up, doing the things you enjoy and are good at, showing off your talents, taking care of yourself, and taking pride in yourself and in your appearance. Only then will you begin to see your own worth.

If a person steals your confidence, they also steal your potential for success and happy life. In short, they steal your future. Bullies are confidence thieves! Never surrender your confidence to anyone! This brings me back to Ralph Waldo Emerson. He said it best when he made this quote:

“If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the universe against me.”

How right he was!

4 Powerful Ways to Handle Physical Bullies

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bullying bullied victim physical

Many bullies bully their targets by using physical violence and force, or the threat of it. Nobody wants a bully to harm them and you shouldn’t feel any shame nor blame in that.  So, instead of just standing there and letting the bully pound on you or continue to threaten you, you must defend yourself. But if you aren’t the kind who believes in throwing punches, how do you protect yourself without resorting to violence?

Here are a few ways:

1. Talk your way out of the altercation.

You do this by giving the bully a small dose of (false) empathy and sympathy. Pretend like you feel bad for “the poor guy” and use the appropriate tone of voice and body language to make it sound convincing. And your body language and tone should match your words and convey empathy.

For example, you can begin with, “I understand why your upset about XYZ…” then state your case.

physical bullying

But don’t overdo it! Don’t say any more than what you need to say, don’t talk too fast or look nervous. The last thing you want is to come off like you’re trying too hard because the bully will only think you’re scared or fake.

2. If talking doesn’t work, leave the situation (if possible).

Find a way to get way away from the person. If you can’t get away because the bully has either cornered or trapped you, then, by all means, fight your way free if you have to. Although you may not want to resort to hitting back, sometimes you have no choice. You either fight or get your butt handed to you.

3. Call for help. Call 911 and get the police involved.

The bully may get away with it, but at least you will have a record of the call and a police report on file should the bully come after you again.

bullying fighting

4. If all else fails, FIGHT!

Sock the bully in the nose! Sometimes, you must use the last resort for self-defense. You’ve tried everything else so you have a record on the bully. Chances are that others will know you fought in self-defense and give you a pass, which is another benefit to establishing a recorded history of your bully’s bad behavior.

You can’t go wrong with establishing a recorded history of bad behavior. A trail of records will go a long way in protecting you. Also, it helps to have foreknowledge of the 3 signs that verbal abuse will turn physical.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

7 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

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One thing I’m certain of is that every target of bullying, has at some point asked either themselves or another person these questions: “Why am I always to blame?” and “Why do my tormentors often get away with tormenting me?”

Here are the answers, and there are many:

1. Bullies are very convincing liars.

Bullies have been lying and covering up bad behavior all of their lives. They have been doing this for long enough that they have learned what works and what does not work. They are master manipulators who acquire great skill in the arts of deception.

Bullies are also very good at rationalizing and justifying their unacceptable behavior. They are wordsmiths and con artists, who often use charm to deceive those in authority.

2. Bullies often use projection.

They project all their faults and shortcomings onto their targets, making the target look like the bully and themselves look like the victim. When they face possible accountability for their evil actions, they often cry and feign victimhood. This tactic is usually employed by female bullies.

3. Bullies are very charming to the right people.

Consequently, people can use this as another weapon against a target. Bullies seem to emit an oozing charm. Because of this, they have a way of winning people over and making them their allies.

The reason charming bullies use their good reputations as a weapon against any target is because, with this good name, the bully has everyone (except the target) fooled. Others cannot believe that “this sweet, innocent, pretty little girl” would harm anyone. Take a look at the outgoing guy that everyone loves.

No one is going to believe that this “fine young man” would ever beat up a smaller boy unless he was provoked.

4. Because this person has so many friends who cherish them.

Even if these friends did witness them undertake any wrongdoing, they will still more than likely cover-up for the bully out of loyalty and place the blame on the target.

5. There is strength in numbers.

Most bullies have a large number of friends behind them. And people in large numbers wield a cumulative power that can be overwhelming even for the greatest, toughest, strongest, most intelligent individuals. To put it plainly, if enough people actively hate a certain person, that person is powerless, no matter how strong, smart, beautiful, or easy-going they may be.

6. Bullies use gaslighting.

In other words, they add their own spin to make you look and feel like the villain or by laying guilt trips- trying to convince you that it’s your own fault or that the abuse is just your imagination. Bullies are masters at this, especially female bullies who use feminine charm to deceive bystanders and authority figures.

7. Bullies malign you to others to destroy your good name and credibility:

Moreover, they recruit followers and start a campaign of hate and viciousness against you by way of rumors, lies, and trying to turn your friends against you. This occurred to me regularly in school. My bullies would do this for my having the gall to stand up to them and refuse to take their abuse.

There were several different benefits from the execution of this strategy.

1. It could be used to protect one another from being labeled by a teacher and getting a bad reputation. Most who have been in school have a least gotten into two fights, which sounds perfectly normal.

2. Destroying the target’s name with the staff would lessen any chances of him being listened to, should the target run and “tattle” to members of the authority. Again, protecting them from discipline at school and allowing them the freedom to do whatever they want to the target whenever they feel like it.

3. It’s used to silence the target and make him/her afraid to report the bullying or speak out about it.

Schoolboy angel with wings and halo concept for being clever, good, successful in education or smug

Targets get the blame because, sadly, the attitudes of most bystanders and members of authority are these:

“Why would so many kids have it in for her if she’s not provoking them somehow?”

“Nobody likes him, so there has to be a reason that justifies it.”

After all, who will look any further than the child with the worst reputation anytime a confrontation arises? If people expect trouble to come from a certain place, that is where they’re going to look. Therefore, the target is under suspicion and the bully gets off scot-free.

It is all designed to manipulate school staff and save the bullies’ behinds from having to face repercussions and, therefore, leaves an opening for further bullying later on.

Targets not only need the confidence to fight to bully but also the knowledge of bullies. The first step of defense is knowing the mindsets and intentions of bullies and the tactics they use. Fortunately, there is a way for those in authority to find out who the real target is. However, they must know what to look for and the target also needs this knowledge in case they have to point it out to them.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Physical Bullies: 4 Secrets You Should Know

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The weakest person always uses physical violence. However, the strongest person always uses their brain. It’s also true that the weakest person talks the most and the loudest, but the strongest person gets his message across in few words.

Through experience, I’ve found that these bullies were taught at home that violence is the answer to all their problems. Most of my classmates had the same brutish mentality. If you didn’t give them what they wanted, they resorted to using their fists to teach you a lesson and force you to comply. Also, they used physical violence any time they felt they weren’t getting the “respect” they thought was due them.

Additionally, bullies like these may even use physical violence to take their frustrations out on their targets whenever they’ve had a bad day or when they’re in a bad mood. It’s pathetic really.

1. Physical Bullies are highly insecure with themselves.

Their kneejerk reactions are triggered with a self-demeaning or self-defeating thought and feeling of indignation somewhere between the target’s statement or action and the bully’s blow-up.

“He thinks I’m a wuss.”

“She thinks I’m a loser.”

“He thinks I’m chicken.”

“She thinks I’m weak.”

“He thinks I’m stupid.”

“She thinks my opinions don’t matter.”

“I’m not getting through to this jerk.”

“He doesn’t respect me.”

“She won’t validate me.”

Which boils down to:

“If she doesn’t agree with me, then she doesn’t respect me.”

“If he doesn’t give me what I want, then he doesn’t take me seriously.”

2. physical bullies actually care what you (and everyone else) think of them.

Consequently, the bully has an afterthought that compels him/her to physically attack the target. The afterthought can be something like:

 

“I need to show this person that they can’t insult me and get away with it. And I need to do it so they’ll know that I’m not a pushover or softie.”

“I need to show this person she cannot ignore me and just walk away.”

This is all the result of the bully’s feeling hurt and they cover this hurt feeling behind the veneer of anger and toughness.

Moreover, physically violent bullies believe that being calm and cool, and maintaining one’s temper is a sign of weakness- or that walking away from confrontation and ignoring an aggressor is a sign of disrespect. Understand that these bullies place high value on their status and social image. They believe that they target slighted them and is responsible for their feelings of hurt, indignation, or rejection.

3. Physical bullies must use violence to keep their power.

  • The target wronged them somehow.
  • The target should be punished and destroyed.

However, realize that physically violent bullies impose rules of conduct and engagement on their targets that they, themselves, don’t follow and think they’re exempt from. These bullies truly believe that:

  • Their targets must respect them at all times.
  • The targets should be fully aware of what they want and expect from them.
  • Their targets should do what they tell them to do.
  • Their targets should never say ‘no’ to them.

  • The targets should only say what they (the bullies) want to hear.
  • Their targets should be available and at their beck and call any time they want.
  • Their targets should satisfy their every whim.
  • The target should put them first and sacrifice themselves for them.
4. Physical bullies see themselves as the victim and you as the aggressor who must be punished.

Therefore, physically violent bullies constantly apply evil intentions to their targets and feel consistent urges to make them pay for supposedly being such a pain. Remember that bullies are under the delusion that their targets are persecuting them when, in fact, it’s the exact opposite. This victim-blaming helps to soothe the bully’s self-image.

Their thoughts are:

“You caused me distress!”

“You made me mad, so I must make you pay dearly for it!”

When a physically violent bully attacks and beats down their target, they get instant psychological rewards- their anger is relieved, they get a sense of great power, and they feel a sense of satisfaction and justice.

Moreover, the bully gets to be up close to the target and look into their eyes to see their pain. They desire to hear the target cry out or scream in pain. They also get the satisfaction of getting the target good and bloody or getting themselves covered with the target’s blood.

Nevertheless, these bullies are sick individuals. They derive pleasure from inflicting cuts, bruises, and broken bones.

This is the mentality of the physically violent bully. It pays to know the inner workings of these types of people so that you can better protect yourself and defend against them.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

1 Trait That is More Powerful than Perfection

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confidence, empowerment, smaller chess piece looking in the mirror to see bigger chess piece

What is more powerful than perfection?

The answer is simple… confidence!

Confidence is THE one key ingredient that everyone must have to succeed in life. When you have it, you have better and more fulfilling relationships, you are more successful in school and in your career. You have more dates, friends, are more likely to have a great marriage and raise confident and successful children.

On the other hand, a Perfectionist is not a confident person and has to work so much harder just to go through life. A perfectionist is insecure with herself and others. She focuses more on herself than others and is always worried about what others may think and say about her. This is why she tries so hard to be…well…perfect.

A perfectionist is both critical of herself and others and tends to have strained relationships because of her obsessive need to be right…all the time…and about EVERYTHING! She thinks that she must be perfect for others to like her and covertly seeks validation from others rather than looking within herself for it. And the outcome is usually adverse.

confident man

Confidence means acceptance.

A confident person realizes that no one is perfect and that they will make mistakes. When that person does make a mistake, she doesn’t make a big deal about it and beat herself up. Sure, she may be disappointed for a short while but she always gets over it very quickly and “bounces back”.

She may even have a few people who do not like her. But being the confident person she is, she doesn’t concern herself with how she’s perceived because she knows that she is awesome and that there are plenty of others who DO love her. A confident person is a “proud to be me” kind of individual and always takes care of herself and the people she loves. She always surrounds herself with positive and uplifting people who love her and steers clear of the negative people who want to bring her down.

A confident person sees beauty where a perfectionist only sees flaws. She sees opportunity where a perfectionist sees strife and hard luck.

When I was young, I was a perfectionist. Why? Because I was a beaten down and very negative person who couldn’t see the forest for the trees and I felt I had to be A-1 best before people would like me. I had yet to realize that all I ever had to be was my natural, authentic self.

Changing your perspective for the better.

When I began to love myself, flaws, quirks and all, things began to change…and for the better. Now…I am a confident and happy woman. I am at peace and comfortable in my own skin. Everywhere I look there is opportunity. Everywhere I look, there is beauty…because I look for it. I love myself and the people around me.

There’s no benefit to being a perfectionist, you only end up working too hard to meet standards which are more than likely impossible to meet, spinning your wheels and getting nowhere. Also, you end up failing miserably and in the process, looking like a try-hard.

true freedom.

Confidence, on the other hand is FREEING and it allows you to be you without fear. It also brings patience, faith and positive self-awareness. Instead of spinning your wheels, you move slowly, steadily and PATIENTLY toward your goals, step by step, until you eventually reach them, therefore reaching success!

Therefore, stop being a perfectionist because you only keep yourself in bondage. Free yourself by becoming confident, even if you must recite positive affirmations to yourself every day. In other words, accept your quirks and flaws. Allow yourself to make mistakes. Accept that there will be bullies, haters, and naysayers who will always have something to say and be okay with it. In a nutshell, be yourself and do your thing. Only then will you be truly at peace.

With knowledge comes empowerment.

4 Easy Mind Hacks that Help Raise Self-Esteem

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smiling, confident woman

Low self-esteem can be a real energy-killer and motivation buster. As we know, bullying can have a devastating effect on both self-esteem and overall mental health. Most importantly, the low self-esteem that results from bullying can alter the entire trajectory of your life. It may seem that bullies have taken control over how you feel about yourself. However, that isn’t true.

In fact, you can take control over how their attacks make you feel and raise your self-esteem. You can reframe the attacks and buffer your confidence and self-esteem against them.

Therefore, here are 4 easy mind hacks that help raise self-esteem:

  1. Remember that it’s about them, not you.

When bullies and abusers insult you, realize that the insult is only a reflection of how they feel about themselves. Think about it, if bullies were truly happy people, they wouldn’t feel the need to hurt you or anyone else. For example, if the bully calls you “worthless,” it’s a good indicator that he, himself, feels worthless.

Therefore, it’s about them, not you.

stamped toxic people

Understand that people who are miserable want others to feel miserable like they do. Making you miserable is the only way they can feel better about themselves. Yes, being verbally (or physically) attacked hurts. However, you must put in the work to reframe their attacks in your mind. Your self-esteem will thank you for it later.

  1. Any accusation a bully makes is usually a confession.

Bullies and unsavory people will often accuse you of something you know you’re innocent of. However, realize that what they’re really doing is admitting that they’re either already done it or are doing it now. Bullies love to project and they’re experts at it.

Once you realize what your bullies are doing, you’ll be able to respond accordingly and your confidence will soar!

  1. Your bullies are only speaking from their own worldview.

This is especially true when they say things to discourage you from following your goals and dreams. For example, you may be working on publishing a novel and your bullies overhear you telling your friends about it. The bullies may say things like, “You’ll only fail at it, miserably,” or “Your book will never sell.”

Again, realize that they’ve probably never succeeded at anything. Truth be known, your bullies themselves feel like failures. Therefore, they will say anything to discourage you from working on your goals and dreams. Why? Because they’re afraid that you just might reach them. Here’s a quote from a few years back:

“When others tell you, ‘you can’t’, they actually fear that you can and are even more afraid that you will.”

Also, ask yourself these questions:

Have any of your bullies ever published a book?

Have they ever been successful in the book publishing industry or at anything for that matter?

Do they even know anything about book publishing?

Chances are that they haven’t and probably never will. This alone should be a huge self-esteem booster!

sad girl being bullied by backstabbers who are supposed to be her friends.

  1. The weight of a person’s words should always depend on how much they mean to you.

In other words, you place the most value on the words of the people you love and who love you the most. For instance, the words of your loving mother or father would carry more weight than the same words from a smart-alicky classmate or coworker.

The people that mean the most can be your parents, grandparents, siblings, spouse, or children, best friend, or a trusted mentor. Their words should always carry the most weight because these are the people who love you the most. They also want what’s best for you and cheer for your success.

However, the words of your bullies or anyone who abuses you, carry no weight whatsoever. Or, at least, they shouldn’t.

Therefore, place value on the words of the people you love and trust the most because they will be honest with you.

Unfortunately, it took me years to learn these things. How I wish I knew all this when I was younger and during so much bullying and abuse. The good thing is, you don’t have to trudge through all those years of trial and error like I did. Learn, then mentally rehearse these mind hacks and I guarantee that you’ll know them by heart. Even better, they will hugely buffer your self-esteem when bullies come for you, and your confidence will begin to soar!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

4 Simple Steps to Deter Cyber-Bullies

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cyberbullying

When you’re being cyber-bullied, it’s so tempting to come back at the trolls with the same vitriol they lash against you. When you’re being attacked online nonstop, the urge to do so can grow so strong that it almost physically hurts not to.

I totally get that because I’ve been there. It’s a natural human reaction to defend ourselves when we’re attacked. However, it’s no secret that when targets do push back against their bullies, the bullies will weaponize the target’s perfectly normal reaction. They will use it against the target to make them look like the instigator.

Understand that when bullies attack, their goal is to bait you into an emotional reaction so they can use it against you. In doing this, the cyber-bully’s goal is to mar your reputation, destroy your credibility, and therefore, paint you as the villain.

cyber bullying, girl and her friend look at computer screen

Don’t take the bait!

Understand that when we’re emotional, the logical brain completely shuts down and renders us unable to think clearly. Consequently, emotion can cause us to make mistakes. We’re likely to say (or type) something out of anger that the bullies can spin to fit their narrative.

This is why it’s so important that we keep our heads and find better ways to respond. Notice I said respond instead of “react.”

Just as you would never feed a bear, you should also never feed a troll.

And the best way not to feed a troll but to respond effectively and successfully is what I call the SBRE response.

SBRE- Screenshot, Block, Report, Expose.
Screenshot.

Always screenshot for evidence against the cyber-bully before blocking. You’ve heard the old saying that “A picture is worth a thousand words.”  Therefore, you need hard evidence to prove cyber-bullying. Screenshots are the hardest evidence you can gather.

Cyber-bullies aren’t stupid. They are more likely to attack you on forums like Messenger because it’s a private message platform. Unlike ten to fifteen years ago, most won’t attack you publicly on Facebook. Messenger is their platform of choice because of the privacy.

Moreover, if you can, let it percolate a little- give them time to post multiple attacks. Doing this will establish a pattern. Respond with innocent comebacks like, “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “You seem so angry.” Responding this way baits the bully to stay on the attack and give you time to gather evidence. Screenshot each attack and store each photo in a folder entitled, “Screenshots.

Also, you can give no response at all and watch as the troll becomes redundant in their attacks. As mentioned, the objective here is to establish a pattern of cyber-bullying by this individual and gather evidence of it.

Remember Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War.” The trick is to let the enemy destroy himself.”

Block.

Block the cyber-bully to protect yourself from future attacks. Once you block the person, be on the lookout for a sudden barrage of friend requests from people with fake screen names, blank profile pictures, and pictures of cartoons or animals. And never accept friend requests from these people.

Report.

After blocking, report the bullies, describing in detail how long they’ve harassed you and use the screenshots as evidence.

And now, the fun part!

Expose.

Expose the cyber-trolls by plastering the screenshots all over social media and the internet. Out them! Expose them for the creeps they really are, not only to humiliate them, but more importantly, to protect others from falling victim to their attacks in the future. Because you would never want what you’ve endured to happen to anyone else!

Cyber-bullies are the worst and most cowardly. However, if you play your cards right and use the SBRE response like I did a few years ago, you will be so surprised how quickly your cyber-bullies will disappear, and you will once again be free to surf the internet in peace.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Warning! 7 Things to Never Do with Bullies

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bully standing over camera threatening physical violence

When targets endure continuous onslaughts of bullying, slow and subtle changes will happen over time. Moreover, they may or may not even be aware of these negative changes until the bullying has gotten out of control. These changes will happen in their self-esteem personalities and body language.

These transformations, although normal when dealing with any type of abuse, can bring about even more bullying and abuse.

Remember that bullies feed off the target’s low self-esteem and once they get even the slightest hint that you’re victim material, the bullying will become a pattern. Therefore, here are 7 things to never do when dealing with bullies:

  1. Defend nor explain yourself.

Any time you defend or explain yourself to a bully, you appear weak to them. Why? Because in your defense or explanation, the hidden subtext is that you feel you must answer to your bully. Consequently, you only give away your power.

Understand that you do not owe anyone an explanation, nor must you go on the defense unless they are your parents, spouse, or boss.

  1. Apologize for anything.

This is not to say that apologizing for a wrong isn’t the right thing to do, because it is. If you know you wronged someone and that someone isn’t a bully, an apology is then necessary. However, a bully does not deserve your apology. Also, bullies see any apology you give as weakness, subjugation, or a way of begging not to be hurt. And they will only use it against you.

  1. Hit the bully first (that is, unless they’re in your face).

Bullies will deliberately provoke you to bait you into hitting them first. The reason they do this is because they either want an excuse to fight you or they want to get you in trouble with a teacher, a supervisor, or police. However, an exception can be made when they get in your face because when they get that close, it usually means that they’re about to physically attack you. Only then should you hit the bully first to protect yourself. In times like this, offense is the best defense.

  1. People-please.

Bullies and their followers only see this as butt-kissing and trying to win approval. Again, they get a thrill out of seeing you bend knee to everyone, and they will use it to their advantage. They will often dangle carrots of acceptance and friendship in front of you, only to pull it back when you reach for it. Never subject yourself to these kinds of mind games.

  1. Stay silent.

Bullies and any type of abusers thrive on your silence. Therefore, when you stay mum about the abuse they subject you to, it will only give them a green light to continue and escalate the abuse. Instead of being quiet about it, report it. The bullies may retaliate, and authorities may not believe you, but you’ve said your piece, and the word is still out. They may not listen to you, but they can never unhear you. Always remember that.

  1. Go where the bullies gather.

Going to or passing through the places you know your bullies hang out is asking for trouble. Therefore, the best thing to do is to avoid those places if you want to keep yourself safe.

  1. Slouch or look down.

Slouching and looking down only signals low self-esteem, submission, and intimidation. These are signals you never want to give off in the presence of bullies and abusers. Remember that bullies are like a pack of wolves, and a pack of wolves will only attack the weakest member of a herd of elk. Again, bullies are the same way. If they perceive even a whiff of weakness, they will prey on it.

Therefore, to avoid looking like bully bait, do the exact opposite of these things. Always be and appear confident!

Here’s a quick summary:
  • A bully is the last person you must answer to. Put simpler, never explain, apologize to, or go on the defense with bullies. You owe them nothing!
  • Instead of apologizing to bullies, say, “you’ll get over it.” It’s the perfect alternative to apology.
  • Stay calm when a bully provokes you. Let them get in your face before you decide to hit them first. And if they hit you first, hit them back. This is not assault, it’s self-defense.
  • Never people-please. Put yourself first and do the things you want to do, not what others want you to do.
  • Instead of staying quiet, speak out about any abuse you suffer and call out your abuser. Understand that when someone violates your boundaries, whether they be physical or psychological, you have every right to talk about it.
  • Avoid the places bullies gather. Instead of passing through their hangout spot or neighborhood on your way to school or work, find a different route and take it. And if the bullies demand that you meet them somewhere to fight, object and don’t go!
  • Stand up straight instead of slouching. Also, keep your head up and look ahead instead of lowering your head and looking down.

With knowledge comes empowerment!