Bullies have been around since the beginning of time and bullying is a dark part of human nature. However, that doesn’t mean that we should put up with it.
I’ve dealt with bullies at different times my whole life and it has led me to evaluate the way I dealt with bullying in the past. It has also led to a passion for learning more about bullying and what makes bullies tick.
Here’s what I’ve learned.
Bullies are highly insecure, egotistical, know-it-all creeps with god complexes, and they feel they must always be the center of attention. Therefore, they feel entitled to waste your precious time by telling you how they think you should behave, what clothes, accessories, and hairstyles they think you should wear, trying to teach you things that you already know and most likely learned when you were five, and being passive-aggressive (or overtly aggressive). They do this to impress others by making you look inferior.
This is how bullies get the attention they crave.
And the best way to deal with a bully is to refuse them the attention they want. And when we deny bullies attention, we don’t value their opinions of us or anything that comes out of their mouths. We deny them that supply- that ego trip they seek, and in that, we cease to be victims. We might still be targets, but never victims.
In the past, I’ve had bullies force me to justify myself over the most harmless and trivial things, compel me to do things I never wanted to do, and attack me with stealthy put-downs disguised as “teachable moments” and “friendly advice.”
Back then, I over-apologized for just being me, or for things I had nothing to do with. I apologized for other people’s bad behavior, which were things I had absolutely no control over. I bought into their lies and gaslighting and apologized any time a bully let me know that my interpretation of what they would say to me wasn’t meant the way it came across and that they’d never say such terrible things to another person. Then I’d feel bad for taking them the wrong way. All the while, they’d continue and even escalate the abuse.
I’d let bullies push me into losing my temper and returning fire with the same verbal attacks they launched against me. I would then feel terrible when the bullies would whine, cry, and moan about how much I’d hurt their little feelings and how I had “overreacted.”
It’s funny how bullies can always dish it out but can never take it when the crap gets kicked back their way.
What I didn’t realize was that by my reactions, I was giving these bullies the attention they were looking for. I was giving them the green light to push my buttons, to question my mental stability and jerk me around. I was making myself their play-toy. I was allowing them to tear me down in order to build up their own fragile egos.
It was all a load of tripe, and I fell for it- hook, line, and sinker.
But no more. Since then, I’ve learned to spot a bully by observing the same types of behavior. I’ve also learned not to play their games. A person may bully me once. But trust me, they’ll only do it one time because I know bullying and abuse when I see it. And I also know what it looks like in the early stages.
I make it a point to treat others how I’d like to be treated and to listen to other people’s opinions and takes on things. However, bullies and abusers are the exceptions here. And when I see the signs and realize that someone is starting to bully me, they automatically lose a target. And when I’m done with a person, I’m done and there’s no looking back. I won’t continue to stroke a bully’s ego.
If the person is someone in a high position, I’ll withdraw my support. If the person is a coworker, I’ll find another job or I’ll expose them by simply giving them plenty of rope, then sit back and bide my time until the person hangs themselves and gets fired. If the person is someone related, any future contact will be on my terms.
And when I go no-contact, I won’t bother to explain to the person why I’m done with them because I owe them no explanations. Neither will I smack them across the head and let them know when they are about to cross the line. If they don’t have the self-awareness to realize that their evil actions and behavior are the problems, that’s on them and they’re the one who must deal with the consequences.
And no. I won’t have as much as a shred of guilt over it because self-care is nothing to feel guilty over. I value my sanity and peace of mind more than I ever will others’ opinions of me.
0 thoughts on “How I Dealt with Bullying in the Past v/s How I Deal with It Today”
Very empowering, wonderful. 😉🌹
Thank you so much, Amber. This means a lot! ❤🌺😊
Hehe Consider This Cherie
At Form “Words”
The First Tools
Bombs That Will
Destroy So Much
Of All Life
Now Is The
Human Apex Species
The Free Nature
Of God Demanding
We Dominate And
We Will Ever
Be Bully or
Of All Who Live And Die
Nature Yes God
With God Nature’s
Greatest Law And
Always Now New
With Gravity or Fall…
SMiles Dear FRiEnD
Of FRiEnDS With
Holes As “They’
“Say” Spin And Torsion
Out of DarK Creating
LiGHT my FRiEnD Again🎼
MuSiC of God’s Breath
Circle of Life🙏😊
Thank you so much, Katie! Great poem comment! 🙂
I especially love the line about bullies trying to destroy God’s face. It has a lot of truth to it!
Yes! Hi-Five Dear!! 🙌🙏😊
You’re exactly right about it all: craving attention, denying that attention, treating people you wanted to be treated, and self-care isn’t selfish. Thank you for sharing your light! 🙂
Thank you so much, Raj!
you are most welcome
I’ve been on both sides of the battle: a victim and perpetrator of bullying. Honestly, I’d rather be bullied than deal with the guilt associated with bullying behavior. Thanks for your post. 👍
You’re very welcome, Russell. Like you, I also become a bully after having been bullied for so long and I’m very remorseful over it. My twisted teenage rationale at the time was that I needed to snatch back some of the power I’d lost and it was the wrong way to do it. Thank you so much for your honesty.
Love that you don’t bother to tell them any reason for no contact because you don’t owe them explanations!!!
Thank you, Jack. Much appreciated! I just think explaining anything to a bully is a waste of time and oxygen. 🙂
…and I thought it was just me. 😆 That’s exactly how I feel and what I do. Thank you.
You’re so welcome. I like that you’re like that. 👍😃