Toxic Friendship

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Have you ever had so-called friends who seemed to turn hot and cold toward you? Who manipulated you into doing something you didn’t want to do? Fake friends who never had your back and always threw you under the bus whenever you were in trouble or in danger? Who treated you shabbily and didn’t seem to care how they hurt you? Whom you had to apologize to for things you weren’t guilty of just to keep the peace?

Have you ever had that particular friend who seemed possessive of you and wanted to keep you all to herself? Who would get angry when she saw you talking to another friend of yours, or worse, treat the other friend like a fifth wheel because she feels threatened by your friendship with the other girl?

Or…maybe it’s less obvious. Your so-called friend discourages you when you tell him what your plans for the future are. You tell your frenemy that you’re planning to cut a CD, or write a book and publish it. And he shoots you off your saddle by telling you in the most caring and concerned tone,

“I want to warn you before you get your hopes up because the last thing I want is to see you disappointed. Most singers and writers never get anywhere with their music and books. It’s hard to make it in that industry today.”

Although that may be true- it’s very difficult to make it in both the music and publishing industries, your friend should at least encourage you and be proud of you for having the guts to try. Because, who knows? You may be one of the lucky few who do make it. However, if you don’t even try, you won’t even have a chance of succeeding.

Maybe you have a dream of one day becoming an actor and your friends ridicule you for having that dream and tell you that you’ll only crash and burn.

Maybe you’ve made a great achievement or won an award and your friends only give you backhanded compliments, or trivialize your accomplishment.

Any time friends discourage you like that, you have to wonder if they’re only discouraging you because they’re afraid that you just might be successful. You also must ask yourself whether they believe in you or not, or if they’re secretly resentful of your success.

If you’re having these problems with those who are supposed to be your friends. My loving advice is to find new friends. You owe it to yourself. Realize that real friends make us feel better about ourselves not worse. Real friends enhance your life, they don’t cause pain or humiliation.

Toxic friends only suck the life out of you and leave you feeling worthless. You deserve friends who are ride or die. You deserve friends who are there for you no matter what kind of storms you may be going through. And you deserve friends who value you and don’t want to lose you.

But first, you must value yourself. And how you value yourself is to get rid of anyone who doesn’t treat you as well as you treat them. You may be alone for a spell, but your people will find you eventually and it will be worth it in the end. I guarantee it!

0 thoughts on “Toxic Friendship

    • cheriewhite says:

      You’ve got that right! I’ve had those types of friends as well. Thank goodness they’re out of my life now. The good thing is that we have the choice to drop them once we’ve had enough.

      • rebecca s revels says:

        The worst I had, was a former coworker. It was a constant battle not knowing which personality I was going to face each day. The funniest thing was when she quit and blamed it on me. Accusing me of doing the very thing that she was doing and that everyone knew. Life became much more peaceful once she was gone.

  1. Patti Aliventi says:

    After I lost my daughter, I went to a support group who told me I would lose friends over this. I didn’t believe it at the time, since I thought I had the best friends. But yes, one friend who I was extremely close to told me my “negativity” was “making her sick.” Actually, it was that she was used to having a pity party focused on her and there was nothing she could do to top the death of my daughter to get sympathy directed back to her. It took me a while to work that out with the help of a therapist and I realize that there had been a lot going on before that from her. Good riddance.

    • cheriewhite says:

      I’m so sorry for your loss, Patti. Being a mother myself, I can only imagine the pain. I’m so glad you practiced self-care and booted that toxic friend out of your life. The loss of a child is something that can’t be comprehended until it’s happened to you and that friend should’ve realized that. I’m sending you lots of love and hugs, sweetie!

  2. Yernasia Quorelios says:

    💜 I Used to THINK!!! Like This, that Others ARE “Toxic”, then I Came Crashing Down To Earth with a Major Realisation; the “toxicity” was ALL MINE!!! I Was the “venomous snake” Consuming MySelf and My “toxins” while “toxicologically” Projecting My Very Own “toxicology” on to Others who Reflected it Back At Me…so I Shed My “toxicity”, Set Boundaries and Lowered My UnReasonable Expectations of My “Friends” CHOOSING!!! to Rely on MySelf instead; now I Have a 100% Pure Circle of “Friends” Totally Devoid of “toxicity” and much smaller than before, a Classic Case of Quality Over Quantity


      • Yernasia Quorelios says:

        💜 I Agree and THANK YOU!!!; as We Have Previously Discussed its The Vociferously Vocal Critics of Bullies, Present Company Excepted of Course, that We NEED!!! to be Ultra Vigilant about for Their Sake and The Sake of a ‘Bully’ that Becomes a “Target” in a Raging Revenge ATTACK!!! by The ‘Bullied’


        • cheriewhite says:

          Don’t confuse the strength to call out bullies/bullying and acknowledging bullying with name-calling and seeking revenge. And don’t confuse a targets being fed up with “becoming a bully.” That’s not what it is.

          • Yernasia Quorelios says:

            💜 I AM NOT!!! “confused” and Being Labelled so Could Be Considered Passive Bullying; as I Made Clear to YOU!!! it’s Obvious that YOU!!! and Many Others like YOU!!! ARE The “Exceptions” and if YOU!!! Don’t Get This then The “Confusion” is YOURS!!! so I Will Do YOU!!! The Courtesy of Saving YOU!!! Having to “boot [“bully” Me] out of YOUR!!! life” and I Wish YOU!!! Well, Goodbye


          • cheriewhite says:

            You really need help, Yernasia. Get off my blog page and don’t come back. You have been passive aggressive for quiet a while now and I’ve overlooked it because I wanted to give you the benefit of a doubt. But no more.

            Now get lost!

  3. 80smetalman says:

    I had a so-called friend like that. He was always there to put me down and when I was at odds with somebody else, he would take their side most of the time because he said I was in the wrong. I didn’t miss him when I moved out of the town.

    • cheriewhite says:

      It’s a good thing you got rid of him for your own sanity. And it’s good that you left that town. Sometimes you have to put your needs first and it sounds like you did that. 🙂

  4. SLM1975 says:

    Hell yes I had said friends. In and out of school, of course.

    Two were males who wanted to be more than friends and resorted to violence when I said no to them. One would prevent me from watching TV, talking to others, make fresh remarks, etc… the other forcibly kissed me, groped me & nearly broke my hand & neck!

    And of course there was that woman in Ohio against whom I had to get a restraining order! Held me captive in front of my computer screen for hours forcing me to “solve her problems”.

  5. dolphinwrite says:

    There are always two sides of the coin, two people in a “friendship.” A healthy person does not attract unhealthy minds. For a healthy person, if an unhealthy person walks in, the second soon leaves, finding no capacity for manipulation. To be manipulated is to be too needy, or at least, needing something in the manipulator. Both are manipulating for something. Honesty doesn’t encourage this.

    • cheriewhite says:

      Right. However, it’s the unhealthy people who will sometimes infiltrate the healthy person’s circle of friends to try and bring that person down. Healthy people do attract a lot of jealousy from unhealthy people.

  6. dolphinwrite says:

    Yeah, I’ve seen that kind of thing. I think that, however that goes, being honest takes care of so much. An honest person can lose friends, be happy in their own skin, and honest people will see that. But an honest person can be with many, a few, or alone, for however long, because they aren’t looking for dishonesty. If one’s friends can be duped into changing “sides”, I wonder what kind of friends they are.

    • cheriewhite says:

      Exactly! And I advise any target of bullying that if their friends so easily turn against them, to ask themselves if they were ever really their friends to begin with.

  7. dolphinwrite says:

    I’m adding a different perspective from times that look very different from many today. We grew up during times when guys didn’t handle other guys’ problems. Whether in taunt or physical (unless the second was like 3-1 or more, and then, run or face), times were different and, to some degree, I think better. I never really thought much about “difficulties” until they became constantly talked about, which made me consider all the talking wasn’t really the answer. For some, seeing their friends handle “bullies” is what makes them friends. Unless a knife or gun is pulled, a “guy” back then didn’t want anyone standing for him. I think there was something good in those times.

    • cheriewhite says:

      True. However, when you had a 5 to 1 situation, then guys would jump in to protect their friend. But with toxic friends, if five people want to jump you, your toxic friends won’t help you and then you’re on your own and at the mercy of five people who want to destroy you.

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