Category: bullies

When Bullies Use Confabulations

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Many times, bullies will blow up on their targets for absolutely no reason. When they’re later questioned about the blow-up, they can’t remember why they lost their temper. So, they drum up fake memories to fill in the blanks in order to sound plausible instead of ridiculous.

When bullies confabulate, they do it to feel sane when they wouldn’t otherwise. And the way they feel sane is to insert made-up stories to fill in the blanks. I’ve seen this happen many times and even had bullies justify themselves to me by the same method.

Sometimes, confabulations can be mistaken for real memories and the truth to the confabulator.

When bullies confabulate a justifiable reason for their appalling behavior, they believe themselves. So, is it any wonder that most abusers appear to others to be telling the truth when they justify and rationalize away their abusive actions?

When a person believes their own lies, others are more likely to believe them too. It’s a fact.

Confabulations have an incredible effect on witnesses. When people hear lies spoken as truths, it is as if you’ve entered the twilight zone.

No one wants to be under a bully’s influence, but people get sucked under it all the time. Many people have had their lives destroyed, even taken because they were persuaded by bullies. And those who saw through those abusers and spoke out were either silenced or paid a heavy price for daring to open their mouths. This has also happened to entire cultures and populations.

Understand that confabulations can be a powerful weapon because, again- the bullies who confabulate believe themselves so it’s a sure bet that others will believe them too. That’s why we must learn to either properly counter any confabs or let the bully drag them out until others get tired of hearing them squawking about it.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Reasons Bullies Crave Power (And Can’t Get Enough of It)

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Simple. Because it feels good.

“Power is not what you have. It’s what the enemy thinks you have.”  ~ Saul D. Alinsky (Rules for Radicals)

Bullies crave power like a kid craves candy. Power tastes delicious. Understand that most bullies attack in groups, or more appropriately, mobs. Being in a mob gives people tremendous power and bullies know it.

Power feels good because it can get people prestige, street cred, notoriety, and popularity. Power has a way of cushioning the ego, and as we already know, most bullies have meaningless lives outside of the mob and bullying environment (school, work, community, etc.). So, the power they get from being a part of a mob adds “meaning” to their lives that they could never get by any other means. Power is what gives bullies a cause and a purpose in life.

Group power is even better! Because in a mob, each individual can bully a target, lose themselves in the bullying, and get a degree of anonymity. Therefore, bullies are much safer in the group. The group shields each bully from taking any responsibility for their appalling behavior. Groups provide protection from exposure and personal consequences.

So, how do you fight back against a mob?

One way is to call out one or two of their members by their names and tell them to “get a grip,” “knock it off,” or “calm down.”

I recently read this in a book about survival and it makes perfect sense. Anytime you call out a few members of a mob by their names, it brings them back to themselves by personalizing them. What you’re doing is basically, separating them from the mob when you loudly call out their name.

How I wish I’d known this earlier in life.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

3 Ingredients Bullies Use to Build Their Image of Perfection

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We all know that bullies are cowards who hide behind a façade. But what makes that façade? What are the exact ingredients that make up the bully’s façade?

Before I give you each ingredient in detail, let me tell you that bullies are like peacocks. They like to strut around and fan out their tails, showing us their prettiest colors. And they do this to collect admirers, followers, and allies. That’s exactly what the bully’s façade is used for- to draw people to them. And bullies are good at duping their cohorts into thinking that they’re perfect and can’t be touched.

Only their targets know what’s behind the facades- victims know the real people behind the masks. So, again, what exactly are the ingredients that bullies use to build their carefully crafted facades and promote those fake images?

Here are your answers:

1. Impeccable Attire. Most seasoned and well-practiced bullies dress in the best and latest fashions. These people love to be pleasing to the eyes because they understand that, sadly, most people are materialistic and beauty-obsessed, and everything is based on appearances. So, they wear the fanciest clothes, the trendiest hairstyles, the sexiest makeup, etc.

They show off these things to look the best and give the appearance that they’re rolling in money and that their life is perfect- all to impress others. Most of all, bullies also do it for one-upmanship!

And…here’s something else! Many of my bullies didn’t have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out. Not that being poor makes a person bad, but!

Most bullies will go flat broke buying fancy clothes and sporty cars to pimp around town in just to keep up a fake persona. And they’ll be up to their eyeballs in debt. Many of these people are constantly having a hard time paying or failing to pay their bills.

They’re the types who will run to mommy and daddy for bailouts and handouts, yet they spend a fortune on clothes, hairstyles, manicures, pedicures, facials, cosmetic surgeries, you name it!

Because of this, I’ve known many workplace bullies who committed crimes such as theft, embezzlement, and forgery because they lived way beyond their means and got their butts in a crack they couldn’t get out of. And they got caught!

2. They put on a good show. Seasoned bullies are also the best showmen. They put on an act to gain admiration, support, or sympathy. They make grand gestures. They’re good at reading people and finding out their likes and dislikes and how they react to certain stimuli. They make themselves constantly hyperaware of the people and moods around them, then adapt to them.

You’ll often find these bullies standing in the very center of the rooms they’re in, and they’re the types who despise being outshone, outsmarted, or outdone.

3. They’re master wordsmiths. They use clichés, euphemisms, and loaded words to impress others with their speech. They also use big words to prove how smart they are when, in reality, they’re as incompetent as they come. They also tell people what they want to hear and say everything with conviction. This is why they’re such convincing liars and why they’re so good at making the target look like the bad guy.

But here’s something else you need to know:

Although seasoned bullies are very popular among people, they’re also hated and feared by rivals and enemies. And they do eventually get brought down. I’ve seen it happen many times.

Julius Caesar was one such example.

“Caesar had his Brutus and Charles I, his Cromwell…” – Patrick Henry.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Reasons Bullies Need Targets to Depend on Their Approval

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Sadly, bullies successfully convince targets that they must depend on them for something. It’s true.

“Depend on bullies? For what?” You may ask.

For acceptance and approval. For the ability to make friends and establish relationships. Yes, many targets of bullying have been hoodwinked into thinking that they should depend on bullies to have these things. This is how bullies keep targets essentially begging for it- by dangling carrots of the possibilities of having them. And the reasons why bullies do this is to keep their targets under their control and to force them to do what they want them to do.

Think about it. Domestic abusers, who are also bullies, do basically the same to their partners- keep them dependent in order to keep control of them. Only domestic abusers keep their partners dependent mostly on financial resources by keeping a tight grip on any money that come into the household.

Domestic abusers also close their partners off from any job opportunities and cutting them off from their friends and family who may see through them and convince their partner to leave.

Abuse is abuse, whether it comes in the form of bullying or domestic violence and psychological manipulation.

Oh! But wait!

Socialist and Communist governments (again, also bullies) always do this to their peoples- make and keep them dependent on them to keep control of them, their behavior, and their thoughts. These tyrannical governments keep their citizenry dependent by controlling all the resources- food, the water supply, energy distribution, income and wealth distribution.

Because, if you can keep someone dependent, you can make the rules and tell them what they can and cannot do. Even worse, you can force them to put up with horrible conditions and treatment- things that they wouldn’t, under normal circumstances, tolerate. You can control every aspect of a person’s life if you can make them depend on you for their very survival!

When bullies do this, they keep you afraid to be your own person, to exercise your autonomy, speak freely, be creative, and to flourish. They keep you fearful of standing up to them, calling them out of their atrocious behavior and abuse, and of asserting your God-given right not to be controlled and abused.

Understand that bullies, domestic abusers, and oppressive governments/regimes have the same in common- to control everyone and destroy their targets. It’s how they keep everyone dependent and obligated, and, therefore preserve dominance and power over.

Realize that in the minds of bullies, other people are only there for their convenience, their purpose, and their agenda. Nothing more!

With knowledge comes power!

An Explanation of What Happens When Bullies Fear Losing Power and Control over Their Targets

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I look back now and realize that my bullies were in constant fear of losing control and dominance over anyone they deemed inferior. I say this because I remember that anytime I or any other target at Oakley High, countered their insults, or had our own opinion about anything, the bullies and their followers would be quick to shout us down.

They would demand that we “shut up,” or “sit down and be quiet.” They would also threaten bodily harm or instigate violent arguments to intimidate and shut down anyone who dared to exercise their rights to speak freely, therefore, asserting their dominance.

Targets were highly discouraged from having their own thoughts, opinions, or views. I also remember during a class discussion, when a teacher asked me what my thoughts were on the subject we were discussing, I only had time to get the words, “I think…” out of my mouth when another girl shouted, “You think nothing! Shut up!”

Naturally, the teacher reamed her out for the outburst. However, the others only laughed at the teacher, the teacher went silent, then continued on with the discussion and allowed me to finish my answer.

There was nothing a target could speak about that one of the bullies wouldn’t shout down and attack them with. For example:

1. Target: “I don’t feel so good. I think I need to call home.”

Bullies and classmates: “You ‘ain’t’ sick! You’re just trying to get out of coming to school when your dumb ass needs to learn something useful!”

2. Target: “I’m afraid that…”

Bullies and classmates: “Shut up! You don’t have nothin’ to be afraid of! You’re just a big chicken!”

3. Target to target: “I need the hall pass to go use the restroom.”

Bullies and classmates: “You ‘ain’t’ goin’ nowhere! Shut up and sit down!”

Or…

If a target put up their hand and walked away from a confrontation, one of the bullies would either physically step in front of him/her and block them from leaving, grab the target by the back of his shirt and pull him back, or follow close behind them while shoving them forward while screaming, “Don’t turn your back and walk away from me, (expletive),” or “Turn around and look at me when I talk to you!” And If a target ignored a group of bullies, those bullies would then want to fight him.

It was as if the bullies had grown desperate and were panicking. And now that I know better, I realize that that’s exactly what they were doing- feeling desperate and panicking. And they were doing it out of fear.

So, anytime bullies yell and scream at you because you spoke or because you showed any form of opposition to their abuse, realize that it’s because they fear losing their dominance. Bullies instinctively know that if they lose control over a target, they lose face and look weak in front of the others around them. They also realize that if their target has the guts to challenge their power, then it just might encourage others to follow suit and bullies can’t have that.

Bullies must have their targets, not only to get sick pleasure and entertainment from, or to wield dominance over. They must also have them as examples to show everyone else that there will be brutal consequences if they show any form of dissent. Targets are used to keep everyone else in line too.

So, always remember this, and look for a way to use the bullies’ fear to your advantage. You have more power than you know.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

9 Ways to Get the Best of Your Bullies

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When you really stop and think about it, bullies can crack you up sometimes, can’t they? Or at least they should.

Bullies try to get your attention by making a smart-alicky comment here, a backhanded compliment there. Many bullies will deliberately stand behind you in the checkout at the supermarket and sometimes a little too close. These are all attention-getting behaviors. I’ve certainly had this happen on occasion.

But the funny thing is that when you see the behavior for what it is and what’s it’s designed to do, you no longer care. And when you no longer care, the behavior ceases to be hurtful nor threatening. It becomes boring, then hilarious or it only makes you pity the poor things.

bored

It must really suck to be a bully. All that expended effort to put on airs and all that hatred and vitriol they carry around and it only makes them look like the miserable pieces of garbage and not you. All that negative energy that usually only ends up coming back to bite them later- all that– and for what?

Just for attention? Just to be feared, admired, or adored by everyone? Just to look big and tough? Or to look cute? Just so they can feel superior or better about themselves?

Sure. The mean and hateful behaviors of bullies can hurt, no argument there. But after so long, there comes a point when you no longer give a crap. There comes a time when their behavior loses its potency and no longer has the intended effect it once did. As a result, the people who bully you only become less menacing, less threatening, and less of an issue until they become downright boring. Then, finally, they become irrelevant.

Any behavior repeated over and over again gets so worn out and overdone until it becomes as stale as a three-day-old pile of shit that has lost its stink.

Yet still the bullies continue the behaviors, making an arse of themselves. They push a little harder and a little harder to get your attention. Maybe they strategize and change tactics because what they’ve been doing just isn’t working anymore but still, it’s boring because, again, you just don’t care and, therefore, don’t react to it anymore.

You only walk away chuckling and leave the bullies standing there with their mouths hung open. Again, after so long doing the same old shenanigans, bullies eventually wear out their effectiveness and become a real yawn. They become so pathetic in your eyes, and you only laugh at them or shake your head in pity. There are two things bullies hate- being mocked and your refusal to submit or react to their childish taunts and threats.

With that said, here’s a quick list of 9 ways to get the best of your bullies.

  1. Keep being yourself.
  2. Keep taking care of yourself.
  3. Ignore and mock their insults, taunts, and worthless prattle.
  4. Focus on and take care of the ones you love.
  5. Create happy moments with the ones you love.
  6. Pursue your dreams and aspirations.
  7. Eat right and exercise- focus on your health.
  8. Get out and enjoy nature.
  9. Learn- read, write, and look for lessons that life can teach you.

When you focus on and do you, it frustrates and annoys bullies because you’re focusing on yourself and your goals and not them. Also, you are no longer being subjugated by your bullies, and that really tears them up inside.

And once things reach this point, they usually give up and go find another target because if something is no longer working, you either change tactics. And if nothing seems to work, you run out of fortitude and give up. And most bullies are cowards and have zero fortitude.

With knowledge comes empowerment.

Even Bullies Get Talked About

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If there’s one thing small towns are known for, it’s gossip. If you find yourself unfortunate enough to be a victim of bullies in a small town, gossip about your (perceived) transgressions has reached from city limits to city limits…at light speed.

However, take it from someone who has been there. Bullies get talked about too, only people never talk openly about them. Because the talkers fear becoming the bullies’ next targets, the talk is always in secret.

Believe me, you aren’t the only one being victimized. There are others. But because the others more than likely won’t admit to being bullied and because bullies will never tell you if there are others, you never hear about it and, therefore, mistakenly think that you are the only one they pick on.

If you are a target of bullies, it would be in your best interest to find out who your bullies’ enemies are and align yourself with them. It’s what I did, and boy, did I find out some really juicy tidbits about their lives…most of which is rather embarrassing information!

I didn’t have to ask. I would only sit or stand quietly, observe, and listen! Bullies may think they’re stars, but scratch the surface, and you’ll discover that they don’t shine so brightly after all.

One of my bullies is now a nurse, and I am good friends with several nurses who’ve had the displeasure of working with her. In their words, “she is as incompetent as they come.”. Also, she has a big family secret, and if you’ve lived in the same town that she lives in long enough, you know what that secret is.

I’ll stop here to protect privacy. For years, this woman has bounced from one job to another, either getting fired or quitting when things didn’t go her way. She has also been through five, maybe six marriages.

Another bully dropped out of high school and ended up working as a waitress. She now owns her own restaurant but barely breaks even. Several others are incarcerated or have been, with one being convicted of murder and another convicted of armed robbery, running guns, and possession of illegal substances.

The bullies I battled in school are only ordinary people. Yet, even today, most of them continue trying like mad to keep up with the Jones’s, making everyone think they have beaten the rat race and failing miserably. Most have never left the small town and still put on the facade of power and a perfect life. It’s hilarious when you really think about it.

Here’s some advice:

1. Befriend your bullies’ enemies. Befriend the other outcasts in your school, workplace, or community. Because I guarantee you that you aren’t the only one they’ve steamrolled. Bullies leave a lot of shattered lives in their wake and make lots of enemies. And strength always comes in numbers.

2. Listen out! You will hear many stories about your bullies from the rest of the outcasts and other people who cannot stand them. You will be surprised at what you find out. It may be that your bullies get laughed at too. People are only careful who they do it around and are quieter about it. They must be, or the bullies will target them too.

Bullies aren’t as important or invincible as they put on. It’s only an act! People such as these must work hard to maintain the facades they put on, and the reason they give targets a difficult time is that targets don’t have to work that hard. They simply choose to be themselves.

How do I know this? Because I ingratiated myself into the good graces of the enemies of my bullies and would get an ear-full every time we got together.

Any information you get about your bullies is valuable to you. Always! Because it can then be used as leverage should the bullies come for you.

Make no mistake. Bullies have enemies…LOTS of them! However, they will never in a million years tell you about it. They don’t want you to believe that others disrespect them behind their backs because it would shatter the image of invincibility they’ve set for themselves.

Instead, they want you to believe that everyone loves them and thinks they are the best things since the wheel’s invention. And they want you to believe it because they want you to feel bad about yourself.

Put another way, if bullies can make you think that everyone loves them, then you’re more likely to believe the lie they drum into your head every day. That you’re just plain garbage. Because a bully’s popularity and greatness (perceived or not) only serves to re-enforce any dislike the target has for themselves after they’ve been bullied for so long.

Please don’t let this happen to you. Befriend your bullies’ enemies. Open your eyes not only to your great value and worth but also to the facades your bullies hide behind and the acts they put on. I guarantee that your self-esteem will skyrocket.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

5 Reasons You Have Haters

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Many of the greatest, most tender-hearted, and level-headed people I know have a pack of haters behind them. And many of them don’t understand why. Down through the years, I’ve heard them ask, “What did I ever do to them?” or “I know I’m not a bad person and I treat everyone how I would want to be treated. So, what is it that they (the haters) think is wrong with me?” I’ve got to admit it. I asked the same questions many times when I was young and it happened to me. But here’s a little assurance.

First, if you are one of those good people who certain others hate on, and you yourself are asking yourself the same questions, let me tell you: You didn’t do anything to them. In fact, you did nothing wrong. Secondly, what they think is wrong with you doesn’t matter. What they think period doesn’t matter. And there’s nothing wrong with you. I want you to know that you’re okay. You’re enough. And you’re awesome just the way you are.

I know what you’re likely to say next and you’re probably thinking it now: “But there’s got to be some reason they hate me so much.”

And you’re right. There are many reasons your haters hate you. But those reasons have nothing to do with you, and here they are:

1. They don’t have a life. …or one that’s meaningful. Most haters aren’t what they appear to be. Many are life losers who have no redeeming qualities whatsoever. So, they have nothing better to do than to hate on others. Many of these types of haters are broke, jobless, partner-less, and live in their mommy’s basement.

To feel better about themselves, they’ll troll your social media pages, make incendiary comments, and post vile things about you. If they happen to be local to your area and you know them, they’ll talk trash about you behind your back and try to kill your reputation, your opportunities and prospects. These types of haters are bored with life and the only entertainment and rush of endorphins they can get is to cause drama in other people’s lives.

These are the types of people you should feel sorry for because they live truly miserable and pathetic lives. And the only way they can feel powerful is to ruin other people’s lives. Sadly, we have so many people like that today, and many of them get involved in the cancel culture that’s so prevalent. Again, understand that this is a last-ditch effort for them to achieve power. And sadly, it seems to work for them.

2. They’re not happy in their lives. This can go hand in hand with number 1. However, some people can have everything, a good job, a nice home, good family, and still not be happy. What they lack is contentment. Or, it could be that they aren’t happy with some things in their life. Whatever it may be, their attitude is this. If they can’t be happy, then by George, they’re going to make sure you’re not happy either.

They want to take away your peace of mind and bring you down to their level of misery. And you aren’t the only one. There are probably other people they do this to as well. Again, this person is a miserable individual and you shouldn’t hate them back, you should only pity them.

Jealousy

3. You have something they don’t have. No one ever said life was fair. Some people can, and some can’t. Some have, and some don’t. It’s a hard part of reality that makes some people angry because they can’t seem to figure out how to obtain the things they want. So, they hate on anyone who has the things they (the haters) have been longing for and who has life a little easier than they do.

4. Jealousy. This goes back to you having something your haters don’t have and those poor souls not being happy in their lives. Whether it’s an admirable trait you may have, such as the ability to make friends easily, or how you look, what you have, or even the ability to be happy, haters want to take it all from you because they don’t have it and don’t think they can ever get it.

5. Your good qualities are a threat to them- In other words, you make them look bad. You cause them to compare themselves with you and see you as competition. And if they ever feel like you’re winning over them, look out!

Therefore, realize that you aren’t at fault here. It was nothing you said or did to ruffle their feathers and there’s nothing wrong with you. You are enough. In fact, you are awesome! Your haters only say otherwise to mess with your mind and throw you off balance. Don’t let them do that to you!

Haters can stress you out, yes. But they can also motivate you. So, be your best self and keep your haters blabbing. Think about it. Your haters are the ones who keep you relevant.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Judging Others for Past Mistakes is Counterproductive. But Are Bullies Unaware of It or Do They Really Care?

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We’re all human and we will make mistakes. Most of us eventually learn from those mistakes and became better people. We realize our mistake and move on, or we try to, but others make it difficult to move on. Understand that there will be those who judge you on your past mistakes and who will flat refuse to let you live it down. Bullies and their followers are such people.

Granted, some people don’t think about the fact that lashing out at others for their past mistakes doesn’t necessarily make them do better but only alienates, angers, and upsets them. However, if you’re a target of bullying, I want you to realize that bullies already know these things. Oh, trust me- they do know it. Only they don’t care about alienating you because they see you as inferior.

Therefore, the reason why they judge and harp on you is so that they can feel superior to you. Bullies have an insatiable and unsatisfied need to feel superior to their targets and your mistake is just the fodder they need to get that addictive power rush they crave and can’t get enough of.

People who aren’t bullies understand that some of us are so sensitive that, if we find out we upset, hurt or offended someone, even by accident, we automatically punish ourselves more than anyone else ever could. But bullies and their followers, on the other hand, don’t care. In fact, they want you to punish yourself and they want to help you along in doing so because no amount of pain you feel will ever be enough for them and no amount of power, they lord over you will satisfy them.

Bullies know that to have others bear down on you and refusing to accept an apology is terrifying for targets. That’s one reason targets tend to over apologize.

But understand that no matter what mistakes you’ve made, even intentional mistakes can be forgiven. There have been reports of ex-gang members who have changed their ways and changed the way they think. There have been countless ex-convicts who have turned their lives around and helped to rehabilitate others living those lifestyles. They have saved and changed the lives of countless children who were headed for the penitentiary or the grave!

So, if they can redeem themselves and be an asset to the lives of others, don’t you think that you have an equal chance of doing that too?

Now, were they bad people for what they were doing at the time? Absolutely.

However, if people are willing to learn, to change, and to become better people, then they deserve forgiveness. They deserve a second chance, and we should give it to them, or at least make a conscious effort to.

And therefore you shouldn’t feel inferior to bullies who bring up your past mistakes. Realize that they’re the inferior ones for being so petty.

If you are a bully and you get off on punishing people for simple slips. You will drive more people to suffering from excessive guilt, depression, anxiety and may even push those vulnerable to taking their own lives. And if they’re survivors like me and have a healthy and solid sense of self they’ve worked damn hard to rebuild, they’ll only tell you to take a long walk off a short pier and keep moving. I can guarantee that you’ll only end up getting your feelings hurt.

And if you’re a target of such people, I want you to know that I’m behind you one hundred percent and that you don’t have to tolerate this garbage. And the bullies who bring up your past mistakes? They just might be projecting or distracting because they have a few skeletons rattling around in their own closets.

But this happens all the time. Especially social media where groups of unknown, faceless cowards can jump on the bandwagon and tear into some poor sucker for a screw up from twenty or thirty years ago.

Remember that most bullies have a lot of social prowess. Therefore, it’s safe to say that they know but just don’t give a fat rat’s patootie because their only aim is to make you feel inferior and themselves superior.

And knowing this makes it much easier to know how to respond to these kinds of games. So, respond accordingly.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

4 Jobs School Bullies Take Once They’re Out of School

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Bullies thrive on power, dominance, and fear. They love positions of power and will often opt for jobs that give them either authority over people or prestige.

Here are some of the jobs bullies select.

1.Politician. Remember that well-seasoned bullies are the biggest and most convincing schmoozers, liars, and convincers on the face of the Earth. They have a way of steamrolling their ways to the top. And why not? They’ve been politicking since they were in diapers and often have connections in high places who give them boosts up the ladder. Should it be any wonder we have politicians who schmoozed constituents to get into office, then do nothing once they get there? This is not to say that all politicians are bullies, but all bullies seem to be politicians.

 2. Law Enforcement Officer. First, let me start by saying that most police officers are great people who have my utmost respect, especially in today’s climate. They do a difficult and thankless  job. They put their lives on the line every day to keep us all safe and to prevent criminals from harming law-abiding citizens and their families.

However, like any profession, law enforcement also has its bad apples. And when people who were bullies in school take these jobs, they often become those bad apples in their departments- the very people who put shame on the badge. These bullies will abuse their power at will.

And it isn’t fair to the good cops who sincerely want to make a positive difference and make our streets safer. The good cops are the ones who suffer when this happens.

3. Correctional Officer. Even correctional officers have authority over inmates- just not all inmates because there are some inmates who flat out run penitentiaries. It happens. Bullies pick this job because in prisons, they get free rain to do to “select” inmates, usually, the inmates at the bottom of the social order, whatever they want, and what are those inmates going to do about it? It’s their word against the bully CO’s and whose word do you think the warden will take?

Even worse, bully CO’s also abuse the good and decent CO’s who are competent and perform their jobs well. My last husband worked as a Corporal in a penal institution before he died. And he told me a few horror stories. I also, have friends who work in the TDOC system and they too tell me that it isn’t the inmates they must watch out for, it’s their coworkers.

 4. Supervisors and Managers. Again, bullies love positions of power and once they take those positions, they usually have carte blanche to abuse who they select to bully. I can’t count the stories I hear of workplace bullying and of bully bosses who get drunk on power and destroy others’ careers and lives.

It seems that bullies can’t live without having power over another.

With knowledge comes empowerment

Here’s Why Bullies Try to Discourage Their Targets from Pursuing Their Goals

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“The reason bullies tell you, ‘You can’t,’ is because they fear that you can and are even more afraid that you will.”

If you’re working hard to better your life and pursue your goals and dreams, bullies  will discourage and dishearten you if you aren’t careful. If you’re a target of bullying, understand that it’s nothing more than psy-ops bullies are trying to use against you.

It’s all designed to suppress you and make you afraid of even trying because you risk the possibility of failing. Why? Because bullies know that if you keep trying  long enough, you’re very likely to succeed.

Bullies can’t handle the successes of anyone. And they most definitely can’t take it if it’s achieved by anyone they deem inferior. Realize that a bully’s feelings of power and superiority come from one-upmanship, and when his/her target succeeds at anything, it undermines that sense of superiority.

Jealousy

Proverbially, it takes bullies down a notch or two, which makes them angry and desire to put the target “back in their place.”

When you reach success, expect this type of attitude and behavior from your bullies. Know that it will reignite a lot of rage and jealousy in them. It will also induce the need to take revenge. “How dare you!” They will want to get even. No way will they stand for you rising above them!

When this happens, don’t be surprised. Instead of feeling bad, feel good because it only shows that your bullies are jealous and desperate to have what you have. Expect people to act ignorant and never apologize for any successes you’ve had.

With knowledge comes empowerment.

A Little Food for Thought

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When someone tries so hard to prove that they’re not something (a coward, a racist, poor, lacks intelligence, etc.), it usually means they ARE that “something” and they’re only desperate to hide it! Because if they know themselves and know in their heart that they’re not, there’s no need to prove it to begin with. The truth is just there.

I’d be suspicious of anyone who panders, virtue signals, and bends over backwards in order to “prove” something.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Here’s Why Bullies Must Work So Hard to Put on Airs

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Targets are naturally resistant to bullies. They may give in at the moment and for a little while to stay safe, but eventually, they find a way to rebel and break free. And they do it either fighting or fleeing and escape. No one likes to be controlled. Therefore, bullies face resistance from others all their lives, whether that resistance is passive, aggressive, or both.

It’s only natural that we push against someone who makes us out to be someone we’re not. As bullies must fight harder and harder to maintain control of their targets and tighten their grip, the weight of their own lies and manipulations gets heavier on their shoulders. And bullies must consistently search for better ways to cover their lies and keep their targets silent and subdued.

In other words, bullies get by only on appearances. The facades they maintain and fronts they put on are only illusions and mirages. So, they have no leg to stand on, and the constant threat of being exposed weighs heavily on them. The lives of bullies are filled with smoldering hot spots that threaten to blaze again, and they are forever running around pouring buckets of water on these hotspots to make sure they don’t ignite.

Bullies have an insatiable need to be A-1 best, or, at least, give that impression. They must continuously struggle to maintain control of everyone and everything, and that’s not easy.

Once a bully justifies wrongdoing, they must then obtain agreement from others. How else can they avoid accountability and feel good about themselves when they’re living a make-believe world of lies, fabrications, and confabulations?

And when a bully seeks agreement from any outside source against a target, their insecurity is (or should be) even more apparent.

But sadly, most people can’t see clear enough to recognize it because they’re too fearful. Understand that emotions, such as intense fear, anger, or upset, renders people unable to think clearly and blinds them to subtle signs, evidence, subtexts, and contradictions they’d otherwise see.

In that critical moment, a person encounters a bully; he must keep his head straight and realize that the bully is the fearful one. That is not easy to do. When faced with a threatening situation, it’s hard to think because your logical mind shuts down, and the primal brain takes center stage.

Still, bullies must work the hardest to cover themselves, and they’re angry, resentful, and bitter because they don’t understand why it is that they have to fight so hard and so consistently.

Bullies are always banging their heads against the brick wall of life because they’re against healthy exchanges of information and ideas. Bullies are also closed to any new ideas and information. They’re resistant to responsibility and teamwork. They don’t respect anyone unless it’s beneficial to them.

You’ve got to pity people such as these because one can only imagine what a difficult life they must lead. It’s hard to hate someone who lives such a pitiful existence.

Many other targets may get offended at me for choosing to pity bullies. But look at it like this, wouldn’t you rather be hated than pitied? I know I would. At least there’s dignity in being hated.

So, if you’re a target of bullying, know that you’re much better off than your bullies are, although it may not seem like it. Take comfort in it.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Enemies Foreign and Domestic

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May our unity and love for one another confuse them, for when they are confused, they can’t strategize.

May our prosperity astonish them, for when they’re astonished, they’re also stunned and easy to trick.

May our willingness to fight and speak out enrage them, for when they are enraged, they can’t think clearly.

May our pride and happiness confound them, for when they are confounded, they’re easily overtaken.

May our love for Christ intimidate them, for when they are intimidated, they will flee.

May they be eaten alive by their own hate.

May they rot in their own proverbial urine and feces.

May they gag, choke, and puke of their own vile stench.

May they poison themselves with their own poison.

May they be hoisted by their own petards.

In trying to destroy us, may they unwittingly destroy themselves.

Bullies and Narcissistic Entitlement

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Bullies of the narcissistic variety truly believe they’re better than and more important than anyone else. They believe the world revolves around them and owes them. They believe that they deserve better treatment. They think people should favor them and bow down to their every whim. They really have grandiose delusions of themselves, how others are supposed to treat them, and how the world is supposed to work.

Narcissistic bullies will take advantage of others and exploit their weaknesses for their benefit. They have no empathy and have no care how they hurt their targets. They pass unfair and ridiculous judgements on their targets, or anyone they deem inferior.

Narcissists have very fragile egos, and they feel threatened by anyone who outshines them in any way. They put up mental walls to keep threatening messages and info from penetrating their grandiose sense of self-importance and those walls are supported by the insults they hurl at their targets.

(Narcissism as a protective barrier)*

Narcissistic bullies can’t handle social rejection and they react fiercely to people they feel threatened by. Less than perfect evaluations send them into a fury. They protect and re-enforce their grandiose but fragile egos by criticizing any negative evaluations and feedback.

Many narcissistic bullies use grandiosity as a cover-up for their feelings of vulnerability, inadequacy, and incompetence. They’re deathly afraid that their shortcomings will be exposed, so, they hurl disparaging remarks and ugly names at others to distract others from their own flaws.

That’s why they need targets to project their own issues of insecurity, fear, and self-loathing. They are really quite pathetic when you stop and think about it.

It’s so easy to see why narcissists are so hateful and hurtful. They need to hurt people to feel better about themselves.

Normal people, especially confident people, don’t feel the need to constantly fire off zingers to intentionally hurt other people. Therefore, they don’t have to have a target because they have a healthy sense of self.

No. People who are truly confident and not narcissists like to get along with everyone and enjoy seeing others happy. They have a love for other people and empathy for those who are hurting.

While narcissists degrade others and need a target, healthy and confident people have a more favorable view of everyone, including people who are targets of bullying. Confident people who love themselves do not need to put others down.

On the other hand, a narcissist feels that the only way they can love themselves is to put others down- including those who aren’t necessarily a threat to their grandiose views of themselves.

Narcissists feel their value comes from having power, riches, good looks, and popularity. Whereas, confident people get theirs from having healthy relationships with the people who mean the most to them and from having positive experiences with them.

And these are the differences between narcissists and people who are truly confident.

With knowledge comes empowerment!