Bullying and “Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs”: Level 2- Safety – Protection from Elements, Security, Order, Law, Limits, Stability, Freedom from Fear.


This is a biggie! In any bullying situation, no matter how big or small, safety is always at risk…always! Bullying is now considered a health and safety issue by the CDC in Atlanta and rightfully so!

When a person is bullied, whether in school, work, home or the community, that person is clearly NOT safe in that particular environment. And they KNOW they aren’t safe. When a person is bullied, they often become vigilant and their time and energy, which should and would, under normal circumstances, be spent focused on lessons, studies, projects, job performance and other priorities in life, is instead spent focusing on ways to be and stay safe!

How can anyone engage and work effectively and successfully, when they’re constantly stuck in fight or flight mode and being singled out for abuse? They can’t! It’s next to impossible! This is why bullying is so sinister and so devastating, it doesn’t only negatively affect life at school or work (the environment in which the bullying is taking place), bullying has a way of permeating all other areas of your life as well!

Therefore, when you are a victim of bullying, you are anything BUT safe! All sub-levels of levels of safety are violated and all levels in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs risk being denied you.

A. Protection from elements- I once knew a boy who was stripped down to his underwear and tied to a flag pole in below-freezing temperatures! Bullies denied this boy this protection!

B. Security- When you are bullied, there is no security! Denial of Security or sense of! Of course this goes without saying.

C. Order- Where there is bullying, there is no order!

D. Law- Oftentimes, the law is ineffective for targets of bullying. Because bullies have a knack for flying under the radar and the majority of people are still ignorant to bullying and it’s affects, the victim often either is ignored or worse…gets the blame! Denial of Law and Justice!

E. Limits- Bullies have no limits! I repeat! There are no limits to what bullies will do to harm you! As the bully grows more emboldened, the abuse will escalate! There have been a few victims, whom have been murdered by their bullies! Just google the case of Amy Joyner-Francis, of Delaware, who was brutally murdered by her classmates in the girl’s bathroom. No limits mean a denial of a break or reprieve from the abuse!

F. Stability- There is no stability for victims of bullying. Being bullied is equal to being trapped on a roller coaster with no way to get off! In most cases of bullying, the abuse will escalate and lessen…build, reach a peak, then seem to lull from a time until the next attack! Also, it can destabilize the victim as well! Denial of stability in life!

G. Freedom from fear- This is a no-brainer! Bullying and fear go hand in hand! Fear is what bullies thrive on! It is their motivation and is what they use to, in essence, keep the victim on lock-down in a prison of deplorable treatment! Fear-tactics are often employed by the bully to keep the victim from speaking out about the abuse, discourage the victim from standing up to the bully, undermining his/her perceived authority, exposing the bully’s evilness to others or comply with the bully’s demands!

When you are a victim of bullying everything is fair game for denial! Stay tuned for the next post on Level 3- Love and Belongingness.

(to be continued…)

Bullying and “Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs”: Level 1- Air, Food, Drink, Shelter, Warmth, Sex, Sleep. (Part 1)

In 1943, Abraham Maslow wrote a paper, detailing a five-tiered outline of human needs, which we all have. With each post,I will explain each level in more detail, giving examples of it’s relation to bullying. As we know, when a person is targeted by bullies, they are denied many of the needs listed in the hierarchy…needs, which are essential for growth and development (physical, psychological and emotional).

Level 1. Biological and Physiological – air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sex, sleep.

Level 2. Safety – protection from elements, security, order, law, limits, stability, freedom from fear.

Level 3. Love and belongingness – trust ,acceptance, affection being part of a group (family, friends, work).

Level 4. Esteem – achievement, mastery, independence, status, dominance, prestige, self-respect, respect from others.

Level 5. Self-Actualization – realizing personal potential, self-fulfillment, seeking personal growth and peak experiences.


Level 1. Biological and Physiological – air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sex, sleep.

A. Air- a physical bully may place the victim in a choke hold, therefore cutting off the person’s air supply, denying them adequate air supply.

B. Food/Drink- a bully may force the victim to hand over his/her lunch money, with threats of physical violence for failure to comply. No student wants to be physically assaulted, so they often hand over the money just to keep from getting hurt and it’s usually an everyday occurrence. These kids end up having to starve just to be safe…denial of nutrition and hydration.

C. Shelter/Warmth- I was lucky to have a family, which were and still are close knit, so I never went without shelter or warmth. However, I have heard stories of family bullies locking their victims out of the house just for kicks or for a perceived slight. Therefore, the bully denies the victim shelter and warmth.

D. Sex- This is a big one! Most bully victims have been stripped of a once good reputation and their reputations with the opposite sex are no less tarnished. A victim of bullying can find it difficult to get a date due to being targeted by relational bullies, who spew their venom by way of rumors, lies, and humiliating the victim in front of others, which is all designed to keep the victim isolated. The bully, in essence, denies the victim opportunities for dating, love and sex.

E. Sleep- Victims of bullying often have difficulty sleeping, due to being in constant fight or flight mode, or worried about what the next day will bring…possibly more bullying. Therefore, the victim is denied adequate sleep.

Tomorrow, I will discuss Level 2 and it’s relation to bullying.
(to be continued…)

Cherie’s Favorite Books: “Mastery” by Robert Greene

Here is another great book which will benefit those whom are searching for their true calling in life. In “Mastery”, Robert Greene speaks of “childhood inclinations” and how you can use them as signs that you are on the path you were meant to take. It also offers good history lessons and is chock full of stories of both famous and everyday people down through the ages, whom chose to follow their hearts and their own true paths…whom didn’t let life take their focuses off their goals and whom moved on to enjoy great success! I even plan to read it a second time to not only re-enforce the knowledge I’ve already learned but to pick up the things my brain might have kicked out since I read it!

“Mastery” is for everyone!

I highly recommend “Mastery” by Robert Greene!

Cherie’s Favorite Books: Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People”

I read this book years ago during high school and what was one of the lowest points in my life. It was a time when I had no friends and I was having difficult relationships with my family. Feeling fed up with the direction my life was taking and at my wits end, I needed some advice on how to go about making the necessary changes to better my situation and would often ask the people in my life what I should do. However, either no one knew exactly, or they would refuse to give me any advice.

I finally took it upon myself and began my own search for ways to improve my circumstances during my senior year and that’s when I stumbled upon “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie in a book store, while shopping at the mall with my grandmother.

After my grandmother bought the book for me, I read it…HUNGRILY! I also read it in secret, often neglecting my schoolwork to have the time to read it and with a school transfer less than two weeks away, I couldn’t have picked a better time to read it!

After transferring to my new school, I decided to use what I’d learned in the book. When I began to put Mr. Carnegie’s advise to work, I saw very significant and positive change! I was able to restore rocky relationships in my family and make an abundance of friends! I even used his advise to win over several enemies! I cannot begin to tell you what a huge difference this book made for me! I have the most rewarding relationships and a very rewarding life today…a life which, 30 years ago, I didn’t think was meant for me! I love this book and the only regret I have is not reading it much sooner! Thank you, Dale Carnegie for writing this book! I would recommend it to anyone, especially people with Asperger’s Syndrome as I believe it will benefit them too!

I highly recommend this book!

Why Victims of Bullying Often Resort to Trickery to get Their Wants and Needs Met

Victims of bullying often have to sneak around and do things “undercover” to keep themselves safe and get their wants and needs met. I was no exception. However, be careful! Engaging in this practice over a certain amount of time becomes habit and can very easily become a way of life! Why? Because a form of Learned Helplessness may set in and you may come under the assumption that tricking people is the only way you’ll be able to get things done, or weasel your way out of a trouble. It isn’t!

Yes, trickery (covert conniving and manipulating behavior) does get results. I won’t lie…it does! I’ve done it! I would lie, cheat,finagle, sweet talk people, put on the innocent and sweet act, cut corners, bend rules…during my teens, I even used my womanly wiles and sex to either protect myself or get what I wanted. It is not something I’m proud of now that I’m much older and wiser.

I used trickery because I felt that if I asked for anything, others would be only too eager to tell me “no” and then laugh about how I got the “no” I deserved later and how tickled they were to witness me getting knocked out of what would have been a wonderful opportunity. Unless you’ve been a target of bullying, you have no idea the many doors of opportunity that are slammed shut and locked to you. Opportunities for love, friendship, advancement and success are automatically off the table and you are forced to live by your wits in order to survive.

Many times, my trickery and deceit got me good results. However,it also exhausted me! And once I was suspect, my bullies were all too happy to spread the word that I was a shady person who was undeserving of trust.

It takes a lot of effort to go about life this way. You’re constantly covering up lie after lie, scheme after scheme and trick after trick. You’re on a constant brainstorm for new ideas on how to get over on your bullies, teachers, or anyone who poses a threat to you, right or wrong. And it can grow very tiresome!

Also, even if you aren’t caught, you will unwittingly put off a vibe of manipulation and you will be suspect to others. After all, we can’t hide ALL of our true selves. Our bodies will never let us! And although others may not be able to prove that you are a sneaky person, they will feel it and the bullying will most certainly escalate. Even worse, once you are caught, you are at the mercy of everyone!

It’s much better to be honest about what you want, need, your goals, and everything else you set out to do. Sure, people may ridicule you and tell you that you’ll fail at whatever you set out to do. But you won’t have the exhaustion added to it and you will feel better for being honest.

The only time you should be sneaky is if you are in danger. If you are, then, by all means, pull out all stops to protect your well-being! You are worth fighting for…even by way of manipulation, if necessary!

Bullying and Excessive Absences From School

Every day, tens of thousands of victims stay home from school for fear of being bullied. As a result, grades can plummet and progress suffers. Thirty years ago, I was one of those unfortunate students. Unless one has been on the receiving end of such vicious torment, it is almost impossible to comprehend the torrent of intense fear that washes over you upon getting out of bed in the morning for school.

I experienced the feeling of queasiness in the stomach and lump in my throat many mornings while standing on the street corner and watching the school bus approach…the sweaty palms, the quickened and pounding heartbeat, the shakiness of body, the intense headaches…yes, I went through it all!

It was much safer just to stay home.

When you are a victim of bullying, it is as if you have a target on your back and you are in a constant state of alert! It is impossible to learn when you are in continuous fight-or-flight mode because you are forced to take the focus off of lessons and studies and place it on ways to protect yourself, which is only another factor in the suffering of grades and academic progress.

So I urge each school official who reads this to please ask questions if you notice a student’s grades suddenly drop, or notice that they aren’t participating in class like normal. Ask questions and do it patiently! You never know what this young student might be up against!

He/She just might be a victim of bullies.