Being the Target of Bullying Can Either Make or Break You

Good evening, everyone. If you have been there, you automatically know that being the object of bullies is a hell that only a minority can comprehend and if you aren’t careful, it can very easily turn you from a kind and caring human being, to one of two things: 1. an angry, bitter and mean person, or 2. a sad, sullen and withdrawn individual. Bullying can either make or break a person. Sadly, so many people end up broken. However, I want you to know that it doesn’t have to be this way.

If you continue to practice self-care, chances are that, although as painful as it may be, the bullying you suffer will not have as much of an impact as it would if you give up on yourself. So don’t…I repeat…DON’T give up! EVER!

I’m living proof of this. I’m a very happy, healthy and successful adult. But if you knew me during high school, you would never have thought in a million years that I would ever make it as far as I have. Bullying didn’t break me, it MADE me! I consciously CHOSE not to let it break me and you too, have that choice.

Having been bullied in the past has not only made me a stronger, more resilient and compassionate woman, it also motivated me.

It gave me the drive to pursue my goals and dreams. It gave me a purpose. That purpose is to spread awareness of the bullying epidemic, which seems to be sweeping the globe and to reach out to those who suffer the same fate today. I gave me the drive to become a published author and to be a voice for those, who are too afraid to speak out.

If you have a dream, there will be people along the way, who will do their best to discourage you because if you flourish, it will be like you’re holding a mirror up to them and showing them a reflection of their own pathetic lives. No matter how others may treat you, you must continue to follow your dreams and do it because it makes you happy. Never dumb yourself down to appease someone else and make them feel better about themselves. Instead, mute the voices of these toxic people and get them out of your life (if possible) as quickly as you can. Then, continue to go after and achieve your goals because life is too short not to.

You only get one shot at life. Make it count! Do what fulfills you and live life to the fullest! You can do it!

Excuses Bystanders and Authority Often Make for a Bully

Good morning, everyone. As we all know, bullies are very practiced and convincing liars and have a flare for using charm to deceive bystanders and authority. Understand that this “charm” bullies often display is fake it is all a part of the smoke screen they put up to cover up bad behavior and avoid accountability. In short, bullies are only actors and actresses.

With that being said, I want to list excuses that bystanders and authority often make for the bully anytime a victim reports them for their appalling behavior.

“That’s just his personality.”

“She’s only expressing herself.”

“He just has a very strong personality.”

“She’s going through a hard time right now.”

“But he’s really a good person, he’s just having issues right now.”

“She’s just having problems at home.”

“He’s just being himself.”

“But he’s so well liked and well mannered. Why would he bully someone like you?”

“But she’s so sweet and everyone loves her. She wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“You’re just having a ‘personality conflict’.”

These are a few examples of how others justify and condone the bully’s behavior. Don’t fall for it! Call them what they are…BULLIES! Never accept any excuse. It’s true that retaliation may follow. However, stay strong and know that you don’t have to tolerate atrocious behavior from anyone! Tomorrow, I will talk about how you can expose the bully and protect yourself.

Have a great day!

Telling Victims to “Toughen Up” When They Report Harassment

Good evening, everyone. Tonight, I want to mention the widely held belief that bullying toughens kids up and why I think it’s one of the biggest falsehoods I have ever heard.

So you’re a parent, grandparent, teacher or principal and a child comes to you to report being harassed. In response, you tell him/her that he/she is just going to have to toughen up (I was told that many times when I was being bullied) or you very dismissively tell the child that bullying will toughen them up. It’s the equivalent of the victim having a baseball bat taken to their legs and having both limbs broken, then assuring them, “the bone will be even stronger than before once it heals”. I’m sure you get the point.

It is this type of attitude which allows the abuse to continue and re-victimizes the victim!

Here is why I think that it’s the stupidest response an adult can give to a child or teen

  1. You are indirectly and maybe unknowingly shifting the blame back onto the poor child. You are sending them the message that the harassment is his fault because he is weak or a coward.
  2. Kids and teens will take the “toughen up” fallacy as the go-ahead to escalate the violence.
  3. Telling a child to “toughen up” means that a fight will ensue, the victim will more than likely get the blame and be suspended from school, then the parents (the ones who probably advised the child to “toughen up” will admonish the child for fighting at school and getting the suspension. As a result, the victim will be even more confused as to what recourse to take the next time they are bullied.
  4. Bullying does not toughen anyone up! It shuts them down!

Instead of telling them to toughen up, either intervene, or advise them on effective ways to protect themselves so that they can break the cycle.

Have a wonderful evening, everyone!

The Reality Behind Reality Shows: How They Get Their High Ratings

Good morning, everyone. Today is Part II of “The Reality Behind Reality Shows”. I feel compelled to discuss how these shows get their ratings to give parents who permit their children to watch them, a better understanding of what subliminal messages their child may be receiving.

Sadly, reality shows which receive the highest ratings also have the highest incidences of peer abuse or most commonly called, bullying. Peer abusers (bullies) love drama and are drawn to it like flies to feces! Bullying brings drama…always! The more altercations and confrontations a reality show displays for viewers, the more drama it brings. More drama means the show is more interesting to viewers. The more interesting the show, the more views the show gets and the higher the ratings that show receives.

Also, the more drama a certain reality star brings to a show (usually by bullying others on the show), the higher the show is rated and in return, the higher the star is rated by producers of the show and network executives…all because he/she brings the most drama. For a reality star, this not only guarantees them a spot on the show’s next season, but also much higher pay, with producers and execs offering the bullying star hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars! This equals great rewards for bullies on the show…rewarding and encouraging despicable behavior! Think Teresa Guidice, “Real Housewives of New Jersey”, or Nene Leakes, “Real Housewives of Atlanta”.

In my opinion, both of these women, who are in their 40’s and 50’s, have shown some of the most queen bee, mean girl behavior of anyone on television. Should they even qualify as stars??? I don’t know about anyone else, but in my opinion, watching women in this age group display such girl’s room/locker room antics is sickening and an embarrassment to my generation of women!

This behavior is unbecoming of women of any age but looks even worse coming from women of middle age, whom you would think would be a better example to younger females

I believe that parents need to sit down with children and explain that just because reality shows make bullying look glamorous does not mean that bullying is okay. Bullying is anything but glamorous…especially to victims.

Sadly, high ratings for these shows speak volumes about the society we live in today…that the bulk of society apparently has an insatiable appetite for trash. It is glaring proof that in the eyes of a vast majority, crap is KING! It shouldn’t be any wonder that bullying and peer abuse is so rampant globally today!

Parents and grandparents must either forbid kids to watch these types of reality shows, or, if they permit them to watch it, they must also explain to the children that just because a certain behavior is shown on television, does not mean it is acceptable in real life. We must also stop prioritizing petty and poor values, one of which is the misguided belief that being the most popular, liked, or toughest kid on the block is what life’s all about.

Have a great day, everyone!