Survivors of Bullying, Your Past Does Not Determine Your Future

Good evening, everyone. I hope everyone has had an awesome weekend. We all have pasts, some good and others not so pleasant. Anytime you take steps to change your life, there will be a few individuals who will bring up something you might have done or been involved in years ago. So many people either live in regret of their pasts, or they let others remind them of it. They can’t seem to move forward because something which happened years ago is holding them back. My message to these people is, “STOP IT, NOW!”

There is nothing you can do about your past. What’s done is done and it’s time to forgive yourself and move on. Even if you have others who are constant reminders of the “old you”, you must keep in mind that you are not that person anymore.

There are several celebrities who had a past before they became famous. Some were bullied during school and told by everyone they knew that they would never amount to anything, some were sexually abused, some were incarcerated, others were addicts or came from poverty. Therefore, never be ashamed of your past. It doesn’t define you, nor does it determine what your future will be.

Have a wonderful week!

I Am Not Only a Survivor of School Bullying, I Am Also a Suicide Survivor

Good morning, everyone. I hope everyone is enjoying this wonderful Saturday. Today, I want to give another reason why I’m so passionate about the epidemic of bullying and suicide among children and teenagers. That reason is that I was also a widow of a suicide before I married my current husband.

My last husband, Michael Moore, died in October of 2011 of a self-inflicted gunshot to the head. Anytime I listen to the news and hear of the suicide of another person, especially someone who is young and whose life has yet to begin, it breaks my heart in two.

I think about the lost future of that person and ask myself, “Could they have overcome whatever was dragging them down? Could the lost have gone to college? Could they have become a doctor, writer or teacher? Could they have been the one person, who could have changed the world for the better?” Yes, I believe that they could have.

I also think of the person’s family and how hurt they are over the untimely death of their loved-one. I know firsthand how that feels and it is the worst kind of heartache. The pain is gut-level and is a feeling of being kicked in the stomach. There are questions, which will never be answered and attempts to figure out why only leave you more confused and eventually drive you crazy.

I also know what suicide looks like and it is not a pretty sight. It is a horrible grotesqueness that cannot be imagined until you are unfortunate enough to see it. It is terrible enough when it is a total stranger, but when it is someone that you love, it is a hell that no one who has never experienced it can comprehend.

I was the unfortunate soul who found my husband’s lifeless body, sitting in his vehicle after he put a 357 magnum to the roof of his mouth and pulled the trigger and it is an image that will forever be seared in my memory and one I will surely carry to my grave.

I want you to know that if you commit suicide, someone who loves you will come looking for you after so long having not heard from you. And when they find you, their whole world will be turned upside down and they will be forever changed. It is always the surviving loved ones, who are left to pick up the pieces. Also, you cheat yourself out of what will more than likely be an awesome future. So I beg you, please don’t do it!

No matter what you may be going through, know that the suffering will not last forever. Know that better days lie ahead and that if you stick it out, you will emerge stronger, happier, and more victorious than ever before. It is said that the skies are always the darkest just before dawn. Therefore, take comfort in knowing that when things seem to be at their worst, your breakthrough is just around the corner. You will see the sun again.

Don’t give up! Don’t quit! You have so much to look forward to, you just don’t know it yet. Your best days are ahead of you.

Have a wonderful day, everyone.

Most School Bullies Grow Up to be Adult Bullies

Good morning, everyone. I hope you all have had a wonderful week. Today, I will use my twenty-fifth reunion as an example of how school bullies can go on to become bullying adults.

Last year, I went to my twenty-fifth class reunion and got to reconnect with about thirty classmates, most of whom either bullied or sold me out at some point or another during school. Although some of them have evolved and were very kind people, there were others who still, after all these years, hold resentment and contempt.

Although, they never expressed it with the spoken word, for fear of looking bad in front of the other classmates, I could see it in their eyes when they looked my way and in their facial expressions and body language. And one woman even threw a very subtle dig while sitting beside me, to my right, during a class meeting just a month prior to the reunion. A dig to which I only responded with a smile and actually got a genuine hug from another classmate.

I didn’t fire back at her because I decided that this woman wasn’t even worth the energy. I just very gracefully blew her off because it was only further proof that in this world, there are quite a few 40+ year-old prepubescents walking around. Age does not equal maturity.

I now take great pride in myself for responding to such immaturity with class and I had an awesome time at the reunion. I never let the immature actions of a few bad apples spoil it. I continued to be my authentic and awesome self. I socialized and danced! I let my hair down and let myself shine! Ultimately, I ended up having a wonderful time and being very glad I went!

The point to my reunion story is this: All through life, you will encounter scores of ignorant people and I feel it incumbent upon me to prepare you for this. While you’re still young, you must learn now how to let the ignorance of a few narrow-minded people roll off your back or you will be in for a very difficult life ahead.

In life, there will always be those very few who will never approve of you. But always know this: it is THEIR issue, not yours. It is up to you to love yourself in spite of the infantile actions of a few morons. Always put yourself first. You are beautiful, awesome, smart, strong and worthy of love and friendship!

Have a wonderful Friday!

Cyber Bullying: The Most Devastating Kind of Bullying

Good morning, everyone. I hope you all are having a terrific week so far. Today, I want to discuss bullying in the 21st century- cyber bullying.

I’m fortunate enough to have grown up in a time when cyber bullying was unheard of. When I was in school, “Street Bullying” or “Playground Bullying” was the type of bullying targets of my generation endured.

“Street Bullying” happens face to face. It happens on the playground, in the hallways, the bathrooms and locker rooms at school. Years ago, a student could escape it and have some form of refuge once the dismissal bell rang and school was over for the day. And when it got too much to endure, the victim simply changed schools and the problem was solved.

Sadly, those days are long gone. With today’s technology, bullies have unlimited access to their targets by way of “Cyber-bullying”. During the last twenty years, the advancement of technology has introduced email, text and social media. These new vehicles of communication have their benefits. However, they also have their pitfalls.

A bully can nowadays get online and torment their targets for as long as they want without ceasing nor accountability. They can, in essence, reach into the target’s own home and torment them from afar.

Cyber-bullying, or online bullying, is harassment of another person with the use of social media, text messages, voice mail, email and instant messages. It is, in my opinion, the worst kind of bullying there has ever been. Here are the reasons:

Bullies are COWARDS!
Your attackers have the ability to hide behind a fake screen name or they may create fake social media accounts to conceal their identities. They do this to avoid detection and the risk of accountability for their evil actions. With a cyberbully, you do not know who is attacking you. Also, they can use several different screen names to make it look like a multitude of people agree with them and are attacking you, when it may be, in fact, only one poster committing the harassment. This is done to further intimidate the target.

Gone are the days when bullying only occurred on the playground or in the locker room. In the days of old, before technology took off, a target could finally escape their tormentors with the ringing of the dismissal bell at school. Back then, you could go home to your family and not have to worry about being bullied again until the next school day. You could at least get a break from the torment. However, not so anymore. Technology has a lot of good qualities, one of which is convenience. Unfortunately, nothing is 100% foolproof. With the rise of social media, text, voice mail, and email, bullies can now pursue their targets 24-7. There is no longer an escape!

The third reason why cyber-bullying is much worse than traditional or street bullying is because the taunts, insults, threats, rumors and lies can be read by a much wider audience, causing loss of relationships, family, friends, businesses, finances, and opportunities.
On the emotional side, the target may experience feelings of shock, bewilderment, anger, sadness, despair, depression, hopelessness, and thoughts of suicide.
Traditional bullying is terrible and causes those feelings as well. However, it is something that you can get away from. On the other hand, you can never escape cyber-bullying. This alone is what makes this type of bullying so sinister and so devastating!

If you are a victim of cyber-bullying, it is imperative that you do not respond to the incendiary posts of cyber-bullies, no matter how tempting it may be. However, I realize that some attacks, especially those, which hit you in the jugular, can cause you to respond out of emotion. This does not mean that you are a bad person for responding to attacks. It does not mean that you are stupid. It only means that you are a human being with feelings and our first instinct is always to defend ourselves and our loved ones when threatened. It is completely understandable.

But no matter what our circumstances may be, we must try to never respond to the ignorance and stupidity of bullies or cyber-bullies. As difficult as this may be, it is better to never give internet trolls what they want. And what they want is a response, any response. They want to kick you while you are already down and inflict even more pain. If you respond in any way, shape or form, they will know that they have reached their goal. But if they never hear from you, it’s going to disappoint them and they just might give up and move on to someone else.

Cyber-bullying can happen to people of any age. Not just children and teens, but adults can also be cyber-bullied. Although as an adult, I have gotten along with mostly everyone, there have been a few times that I have been cyber-bullied, one instance being right after the death of my husband. I can tell you that after refusing to respond to any of it, the harassment died and the thread was eventually removed. No one has bothered me since.

Also, in their weak attempts to put me down, my cyber-bullies unwittingly made me so many new friends and I received so much support from all over the country. It is amazing how the actions of a bully can sometimes turn into something wonderful. I will be forever grateful to the people (even strangers) who stood beside me during this tragic time. I hope this helps you in the event that you are cyber-attacked. And I want to assure you that there is always hope, no matter how hopeless a situation may be.

Cyber-bullying can be stressful on adults, but devastating for minors. Adults are emotionally better equipped and therefore, more adept at handling themselves in bullying situations, whereas children and teens have yet to fully develop good coping mechanisms.

Children do not have the cognitive thinking skills, nor the processing ability that adults possess. Adults can be hurt by online bullying because they are human and have feelings also. However, any well-rounded adult is better able to look at the situation and see the lies posted online for exactly what they are…LIES. And they have the ability to analyze the bully and see the person as he/she is- useless trash who is in desperate need of a life. And that in itself can actually be a boost to the bullied adult’s self-esteem…just knowing what a bottom-of-the-barrel, miserable piece of garbage the bully really is. In most cases, an adult can usually laugh it off and go on about their business provided it doesn’t affect his/her family, marriage, business, opportunities, or way of life. An adult can refuse to accept the lies of another bullying adult and tell them to go blow it out their ear.

A child has not learned to do that yet. Children and teenagers have totally different values than adults. While most “mature” adults place the most value on family, career, and home and less value on popularity; children and teens place the most value on popularity…their friends and being accepted. Most children and teens place emphasis on how others (mainly their peers) see them. They want to fit in, be liked, and be “cool”. And when those things are threatened, as they always are when he/she is cyber-attacked, it can have devastating effects on self-esteem.

As parents and grandparents, we need to teach our children confidence as confidence is the best weapon against a bully. In my opinion, teaching confidence is the most effective way to protect them because bullies are cowards and they always seek out kids who are insecure, self-conscious, and have low self-esteem. And they do this because they know that a child with low self-esteem is less likely to stand up to them.

Have a wonderful Thursday!

Why The Target Often Gets the Blame While the Bully Escapes Accountability

Good morning, everyone. Today, I feel that it is important to answer a question that I’m positive that every person, who has ever been a victim of bullying, has asked either themselves or another person at some point or another: “Why am I always to blame?” and “Why do my tormentors often get away with tormenting me?”

Here is the answer and there are many factors:

Bullies are very convincing liars: Bullies have been lying and covering up bad behavior all of their lives. They have been doing this for long enough that they have learned what works and what does not work. They are master manipulators, skilled in the art of deception. Bullies are also very good at rationalizing and justifying their unacceptable behavior. They are con artists, who often use charm to deceive those in authority.

Bullies often use projection: They project their own faults and shortcomings onto their targets, making the target look like the bully and themselves look like the victim. When faced with possible accountability for their evil actions, they often cry and feign victimhood. This tactic is usually employed by female bullies.

Bullies are very charming to the right people, which can be used as another weapon against a victim: Bullies seem to emit an oozing charm. Because of this, they had a way of winning people over and making them their allies. A good reputation can be used as a weapon against any target because with this good name, the bully has everyone (except the target) fooled and others cannot believe that “this sweet, innocent, pretty little girl” would harm anyone. Take the outgoing guy that everyone loves, no one is going to believe that this “fine young man” would ever beat up a smaller boy unless he was provoked.

Because this person has so many friends who cherish them. Even if these friends did witness them undertake any wrong doing, they will still more than likely cover up for the bully out of loyalty and place the blame on the target.

There is strength in numbers and people in large numbers can have a cumulative power which can be overwhelming even for the greatest, toughest, strongest, most intelligent of individuals. To put it plainly, if enough people are against a person, that person is powerless, no matter how strong, smart, beautiful or easy going they may be

Bullies use gaslighting: They add their own spin to make you look and feel like the villain or by laying guilt trips- trying to convince you that you’re at fault or that the abuse is just your imagination. Bullies are masters at this, especially female bullies who use feminine charm to deceive bystanders and authority figures.

Bullies malign you to others to destroy your good name and credibility: They recruit followers and start a campaign of hate and viciousness against you, by way of rumors, lies, and trying to turn your friends against you. This occurred to me on a regular basis in school and it would happen as retaliation for my having the gall to stand up to them and assert my God-given, divine right not to be abused or taken advantage of.

There were several different benefits from the execution of this strategy. Number one: It could be used to protect one another from being labeled by a teacher and getting a bad reputation. Most, who have been in school has a least gotten into two fights, which sounds perfectly normal. Number two: Destroying the victim’s name with the staff would lessen any chances of being listened to, should the target run and “tattle” to members of authority. Again, protecting them from discipline at school and allowing them the freedom to do whatever they want whenever they feel like it.

Targets get the blame because sadly, the attitude of most bystanders and members of authority is this: “Why would so many kids have it in for her if she’s not provoking them somehow?” or “Nobody likes him, so there has to be a reason that justifies it.”

After all, who is going to look any further then the child with the worst name anytime a confrontation arises? It is all designed to manipulate school staff and save the bullies’ behinds from having to face repercussions and therefore, leaves an opening for further bullying later on.

I believe that victims not only need confidence to fight bullying, but also knowledge of the techniques bullies use. Therefore, the more knowledge we can gain of how bullies operate, the better we will be able to protect ourselves.

Have a wonderful day, everyone!

Low Self-Esteem Is Not Something We Are Born With

Good morning, everyone. I hope you’re having a happy Friday. Today, I want to discuss the downward spiral that victims of bullying often experience over time if they aren’t removed from a negative environment.

Insecurity and a lack of confidence are not characteristics that we’re born with. They are taught! Not only by bullies or abusive family members, but can also unwittingly programmed into us by caring family members who call themselves trying to teach us humbleness and humility. These characteristics are both good virtues to have, but only in moderation. Too much of it, however, can cause us to suppress a little too much of ourselves and hide our own awesome personalities, talents and gifts, which can grow into insecurity and in worse cases, self-loathing.

I believe that each and every one of us is born with confidence and a heart of gold. Yet over time, our environments, circumstances and sadly, the people in our lives can slowly erode that natural confidence and goodness we were born with.

After being hurt for so long, we withdraw from others and put up a barrier to protect ourselves. We turn cold and began to harden ourselves to numb feelings of rejection and the pain that comes with it. Before long, we regard the feelings and suffering of others with indifference- we just don’t give a damn about anyone, how they feel or what they think. Sometimes we even grow cold toward the people who love us because we have lost the ability to trust. We no longer have any respect for others, much less ourselves. Lastly, we come to that evil place where schadenfreude takes hold on our personalities and we secretly or openly, take pleasure in seeing others, especially those we despise, suffer.

Just as we take steps to protect our health, finances, property, etc.; we must also take steps to protect our self-esteems.

Have a blessed day!

The Importance Of Loving Yourself

Good morning, everyone! Today, I want to discuss what is the most important lesson in life that you can ever learn: Loving yourself first.

When you are a target of bullying, loving yourself can be very difficult when it seems that the only thing you hear from others is negativity. Constantly being bombarded with ugly names, cruel taunts and attacks over a long period of time can very easily have a cumulative and devastating effect on your self-esteem and if you aren’t careful, you too will begin to believe the cruel falsehoods that mean-spirited others tell you. I know about this all too well.

However, no matter how viciously others may treat you, it’s imperative that you do everything possible to hold on to self-love! Even if you have to look at yourself in the mirror every day and make positive affirmations (“I AM an awesome person”, “I AM beautiful”, “I AM worthy of being loved”, etc.), you must maintain your self-esteem and never let anyone brainwash you into thinking that you are less than.

Here is another excerpt from my book, which gives a more in-depth explanation of why this is so important:

“…You must love and respect yourself before anyone else can love and respect you. You must take care of YOU. You must command, not demand, but ‘command’ respect and love from others, including a few family members that you love dearly and be willing to make some very difficult decisions in order to receive that love and respect. Sometimes, you have to walk away, knowing full well that there is always a chance that the person may never see your worth. And this means coming to a place where you no longer care even the slightest about the outcome.

However, there is a strong chance that your value will go up in that person’s eyes and they will eventually see your worth and treat you better than you ever thought possible. It may not happen overnight. In fact, it may take up to several years, but it happened for me and it can happen for you too.

If, by chance, it does not happen, realize that you did not turn your back on the person because you did not love them, but only because they did not love you enough to treat you with the love and respect that you know in your heart of hearts that you deserve…”

You must love yourself or nobody will love you. Never look outside of yourself for love and validation. Never depend on others for assurance of your value. Let love come from within your heart!

Wishing everyone a wonderful day.

Bullies Will Not Be Deterred Easily

Good afternoon, everyone. I hope you are having a great day. Many victims are well aware that the way they are being treated is wrong and I feel compelled to warn you that if you are a target of bullying and decide to take a stand against the abuse, your bullies will not be deterred easily.

I know that in movies and television, we see scenarios where targets stand up to bullies and automatically either get left alone, or become friends with them. However, in most cases, this is not reality. Remember that bullies are relentless.

Here, I discuss the retaliation tactics that bullies often use when a target finally stands up for themselves and the attitudes bullies hold in regards to their targets:

If you are a target, you must realize that bullies will not relinquish their power so easily. They will not be a good sport and hand your human rights back over to you. They will not bow out of your life gracefully. They will not release you and let you walk away. Bullies have an insatiable need to wield power over another and without that power, they feel lost.

Make no mistake about it. When you kick unsavory people out of your life, they will first resort to either gaslighting- adding their own spin to make you look and feel like the villain and maligning you to others to destroy your good name and credibility. They may also lay guilt trips- trying to convince you that you are at fault or that the abuse is just your imagination. Bullies are masters at this, especially female bullies who use feminine charm to deceive bystanders and authority figures.

They may recruit followers and start a campaign of hate and viciousness against you, by way of rumors, lies, and trying to turn your friends against you. This occurred to me on a regular basis in school and it would happen as retaliation for my having the gall to stand up to them and assert my God-given, divine right not to be abused or taken advantage of.

Females, although becoming more and more physically violent with the passage of time, commit much of their bullying by Dividing and Conquering- attacking the targets’ relationships, using smear campaigns and witch hunts designed to turn everyone against the target- ’Isolation of the target’. They also use projection- projecting all of their own shortcomings onto the target. Bullies do have flaws and their greatest fear is having them exposed. What better way to keep their imperfections hidden than to either project them onto the victim, or use distraction- distracting others attention away from their own shortcomings and evil deeds by pointing out the negative qualities of their victims.

Bullies use the above strategies not only to cover their own backsides, but also for the purpose of closing their victims off from any possible help or protection. Once the target is isolated, the bullies move in for the kill. Now, they are able to do with their victim whatever they choose to do freely and with impunity because if everyone is against the victim, the least likely they are to report or stop the abuse. In the minds of others, the target deserves what is happening to them.

Bullies want to, in essence, hold the victim hostage and they will resort to any means necessary to keep him/her on lockdown- to keep the victim in their place. They will do it with physical violence when exclusion, subtle digs, verbal assaults, gaslighting and other forms of psychological abuse no longer have an impact, either by committing the bodily harm themselves, or sending someone else to do their savagery for them.

This does not mean that you should not stand up for yourself because you should. However, when you do, be prepared. The torment will get worse before it gets better.

Have a wonderful day.

Lulls In Bullying: What Do They Mean?

Good evening, everyone. Here’s another important fact that people often miss when it comes to bullying and harassment of a target. Bullying is a pattern with highs and lows. The harassment will begin, escalate, reach a climax, then a lull usually follows. These breaks or “lulls” can last for up to several months.

Now that you’ve read the first paragraph, you must be asking yourself what this means. Below is an excerpt of my book “From Victim to Victor (A Survivor’s True Story of Her Own Experiences With School Bullying. How She Overcame, Won Back Her Confidence and Found Peace and Happiness)”, which gives a more in-depth explanation.

Have a wonderful night!

“…I cannot begin to tell you how thoroughly sick I was of all the drama. I was tired of having to fight. Honestly, I hated to fight, but I had no idea as to how to break this vicious cycle. It was then that I realized that this was a pattern…a pattern, which there seemed to be no end to. School would start and there would always be a lull of maybe a month to four months. In high school, there were highs and lows…times when the bullying would come to a peak of nonstop harassment and other times when it seemed to disappear for a while. Then after a month or two, WHAM! They would strike again with something new.

Now that I am older, I realize that the pauses and lulls may have been deliberate, used to give the bullies time to regroup and think up new strategies…strategies, which they knew I would never suspect. Then I would be taken by surprise.

I also believe they wanted to give me a false sense of security in hopes that I would get comfortable and let down my defenses. They would then blindside me when the time was right.

Bullies are very strategic. They plot, they plan, and they do these things in groups. Bullies are very calculating people. They slowly and cunningly set the stage for their attacks. You must stay a few steps ahead of them by equipping yourself with the knowledge of how bullies operate…”

If you are a victim, I hope that this has given you a better understanding of these patterns and that you too can use these lulls to your own advantage by arming yourselves with knowledge and better prepare yourselves for the next attack.

Wishing you love, happiness and success!

Never Chase Anyone Who Doesn’t See Your Worth

Good afternoon, everyone.

A thought occurred to me about something that some victims do. I did the same thing when I first attended a new school at age 12. I was so anxious to make friends and did not set boundaries as to the way I wanted to be treated. I figured that as long as I could hang with people, it did not matter how shoddily they treated me. I got hurt many times over because the reality of it was that these people were only tolerating me. However, it didn’t take long for me to realize that these people weren’t good for me. Only then did I begin to avoid people who only pretended to accept me.

Here’s my advice to targets who feel lonely and desperate for friends:

Never chase anyone who does not see your worth…EVER! It is beneath you and those who do not value you, no matter how ‘cool’ they act or look, do not deserve the privilege of being in your presence. You need to cleanse your life of these toxic people. You are better off without them.

I realize that if you are a target of bullying, your options for friendship are extremely limited and I know all too well of the humiliation and loneliness of sitting alone at the lunch table while everyone else gets to enjoy having friends around them. Believe me, I was there myself once upon a time.

However, if the options that you do have for friends are only tolerating you and they turn hot and cold, exclude you or talk behind your back, then perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate those friendships.

There is a difference between someone who genuinely likes you and someone who is only tolerating you. And you always know when someone is only tolerating you because of the way you feel when that person is around. You can feel it in your gut. You can hear the shortness and coldness in the tone of their voices. You can see it in the way that they look at you (or don’t look at you). You can feel the cold vibes that they put out. There is nothing worse than the realization that someone whom you think highly of thinks very little of you. It is the most uncomfortable and sickening feeling. It is the equivalent of being kicked in the stomach!

But I want you to know that you do not have to be around such poisonous people. Anyone who makes you feel uneasy does not deserve your friendship. It does not matter if they are rich, good looking, popular, successful, cool, tough or whatever. If they cause you to feel less than,ditch them! WEED. THEM. OUT! They are not worthy of being in your company. You are better off without them.

Understand that this may mean staying to yourself for a time. Listen. No one wants to be a loner. I understand it and I sympathize with you. However, I believe that it’s much better to be alone than to crawl up behind anyone who does not see your value. It’s the equivalent of a romantic relationship where one partner loves too much and bends over backwards for the other partner, chasing, buys gifts, etc. only to be rebuffed and not loved in return.

Trust me, whether the relationship is romantic or friendship, you are better off without people who do not reciprocate. You are better off by yourself.

Understand that it won’t be easy. Nothing worthwhile is. It takes courage to walk away from a person or people who take you for granted, especially when options to make human connections are so few. And I won’t lie to you, you may be by yourself for a while. It may get very lonely, even sad and depressing at times. But be strong and stay true to your own heart! You deserve so much better!

I promise you this: If you have the courage to walk away from such people, it may take a while, but life will eventually reward you for your courage by placing better and more loving people in your path…people who will genuinely love you, and have your best interests at heart. You will have better friends…friends who WANT to spend time with you, who want to invite you to parties and other events, and who will be there for you when the chips are down. You will have friends who are tried and true.

Have a wonderful afternoon!

The Modus Operandi of a Bully: Why You Should Not Change for Anyone

Good morning everyone. Today, I will discuss more of how bullies operate and why you should never attempt to change in order to appease them.

If you’re a target of bullying, I must warn you that no matter what you do, good or bad, it will never be right by a bully. Even if you were to save someone’s life, it still would not be good enough for your classmates and they will find some way…any way to poop on it.

Any good that you do, any accomplishments you make and any successes that you have will be minimized; while any mistakes and bad qualities will be maximized. I want you, as a tween or teen to realize that this is how bullies operate. They trivialize your positive qualities and magnify your negative qualities. This is the modus operandi of a bully.

Here is an excerpt of my book, From Victim to Victor, which explains it more plainly:

“…if I had hung around people of my own race, I would be hanging with ‘skanks’, for lack of a better term, and would have been considered one myself. If I befriended those of the African American race, I was considered an n-lover. If I dated a grown man (which I did), I was considered an opportunist or gold-digger. If I had dated a guy of my own age group, they would have conjured up something else negative to say. If I wore a dress and went to school all dolled up (which I did often in high school), I was trying to either impress the opposite sex or get a date and/or laid. If I wore my jeans the slightest bit tight, I looked like a whore. If I cried, I was being too sensitive. If I laughed, I was trying to get attention. If I got angry, I was crazy. If I was being friendly, I was either flirting or trying to kiss ass. I was not allowed to be myself and it was exhausting….”

The last thing that bullies want is to see you happy. If there is anything a bully hates, it is to watch you being happy, successful, etc. and they will pull out all the stops necessary to either minimize or destroy the accomplishments and happiness that you enjoy.

Know that you did nothing wrong. The problem lies with the bullies, NOT YOU! That’s why you should avoid these toxic people like the plague. You owe it to yourself to give these leaches to your happiness and success the old heave-ho if possible, and to stay your true, awesome self. You are worth fighting for!

Have an awesome week, everyone!

It’s Not Only In Your Mind. You Know When Something Does Not Feel Good.

Good morning, everyone. Today, I would like to discuss the confusion, which targets of bullying often face…the confusion of whether or not they are legitimately being bullied or only being paranoid.

Oftentimes, when an individual is bullied and they defend themselves, others may either trivialize the bullying or dismiss it, by telling the victim that “it’s only in your mind” or “you’re just being paranoid”. Therefore, the bully is let off the hook and is free to target the same individual again in the future. The bully gets the message loud and clear that it’s okay to target this person simply because they CAN…and with impunity. Whereas, after so long, the victim begins to feel as if it is somehow wrong to report and/or stand up to bullies. The victim then questions their own sanity, thinking, “Maybe it really is only in my mind.” and often grows silent for fear of being gaslighted and seen as “paranoid”, “crazy”, “overly sensitive” or other labels that undermine his/her sanity.

Let me enlighten you: It’s not only in your imagination. You are not being overly sensitive. You are not being a wimp, wuss, crybaby, crazy or whatever else unsavory people may call you.

Always remember that bullies are very skilled and convincing liars. You always know when something does not feel good. You can see it in the way certain people cut their eyes at you and talk through their teeth. You can hear the short and cold tone in their voices. You can feel, deep down in your gut, the nasty vibes they exude. This is why you should always listen to your gut feeling because it is never wrong. Eighty-six those people pronto!

Anyone who causes you to feel bad does not deserve your friendship. It does not matter if they are rich, smart, good looking, popular, successful, cool or tough. If they cause you to feel less than, ditch them! WEED. THEM. OUT! They are not worthy of even being in your presence. Never allow anyone to violate your boundaries, whether physical or psychological.

Self awareness is key. You must get to know yourself. It is imperative that you get absolutely clear on what you will and will not accept. Only then will you be able to tell the difference and send your bullies packing.

Wishing each and every one of you a very blessed week!

Why Targets of Bullying Should be Proactive in Preserving Their Personhood

Being bullied and being stuck with unnecessary labels can very easily cause a person to self-doubt. It not only causes one not to believe in his/herself and one’s own abilities, but it can also enable that person to trust their own innate intuition if they let it. It blinds the target to people who are true as it completely zaps his/her senses of who is for real and who is fake, thus causing the loss of the ability to avoid dangerous people.

I believe that bullying is a form of brainwashing. It is repeated, repetitious, and occurs over a long period of time. It reprograms the victim’s mind and convinces the person that he/she is nothing, blinding him to his own worth as a person, to her own inner and outer beauty, and to her own intelligence. The target comes to that dreadful place where she doesn’t trust her own ability to make good decisions. He fears that anything he does and/or says will be wrong. Therefore, he keeps his talents and gifts hidden from the world for fear of ridicule.

Self-doubt keeps the target paralyzed and they eventually begin to hide their true, awesome self. And by trying to hide their authenticity from others for fear of negative judgment, victims unwittingly dumb themselves down and make foolish decisions.

I believe that victims must avoid this at all costs. Never lose yourself because of a bully. No matter how others may treat you, always take steps to keep your authenticity. If you have any talents or gifts, display them with pride. Do things that you enjoy and spend extra time with those who love you and lift you up. You will be surprised at how great you will feel about yourself. Therefore, bullying will have less of an impact on your self-esteem.