Survivors of Bullying, Your Past Does Not Determine Your Future

Good evening, everyone. I hope everyone has had an awesome weekend. We all have pasts, some good and others not so pleasant. Anytime you take steps to change your life, there will be a few individuals who will bring up something you might have done or been involved in years ago. So many people either live in regret of their pasts, or they let others remind them of it. They can’t seem to move forward because something which happened years ago is holding them back. My message to these people is, “STOP IT, NOW!”

There is nothing you can do about your past. What’s done is done and it’s time to forgive yourself and move on. Even if you have others who are constant reminders of the “old you”, you must keep in mind that you are not that person anymore.

There are several celebrities who had a past before they became famous. Some were bullied during school and told by everyone they knew that they would never amount to anything, some were sexually abused, some were incarcerated, others were addicts or came from poverty. Therefore, never be ashamed of your past. It doesn’t define you, nor does it determine what your future will be.

Have a wonderful week!

I Am Not Only a Survivor of School Bullying, I Am Also a Suicide Survivor

Good morning, everyone. I hope everyone is enjoying this wonderful Saturday. Today, I want to give another reason why I’m so passionate about the epidemic of bullying and suicide among children and teenagers. That reason is that I was also a widow of a suicide before I married my current husband.

My last husband, Michael Moore, died in October of 2011 of a self-inflicted gunshot to the head. Anytime I listen to the news and hear of the suicide of another person, especially someone who is young and whose life has yet to begin, it breaks my heart in two.

I think about the lost future of that person and ask myself, “Could they have overcome whatever was dragging them down? Could the lost have gone to college? Could they have become a doctor, writer or teacher? Could they have been the one person, who could have changed the world for the better?” Yes, I believe that they could have.

I also think of the person’s family and how hurt they are over the untimely death of their loved-one. I know firsthand how that feels and it is the worst kind of heartache. The pain is gut-level and is a feeling of being kicked in the stomach. There are questions, which will never be answered and attempts to figure out why only leave you more confused and eventually drive you crazy.

I also know what suicide looks like and it is not a pretty sight. It is a horrible grotesqueness that cannot be imagined until you are unfortunate enough to see it. It is terrible enough when it is a total stranger, but when it is someone that you love, it is a hell that no one who has never experienced it can comprehend.

I was the unfortunate soul who found my husband’s lifeless body, sitting in his vehicle after he put a 357 magnum to the roof of his mouth and pulled the trigger and it is an image that will forever be seared in my memory and one I will surely carry to my grave.

I want you to know that if you commit suicide, someone who loves you will come looking for you after so long having not heard from you. And when they find you, their whole world will be turned upside down and they will be forever changed. It is always the surviving loved ones, who are left to pick up the pieces. Also, you cheat yourself out of what will more than likely be an awesome future. So I beg you, please don’t do it!

No matter what you may be going through, know that the suffering will not last forever. Know that better days lie ahead and that if you stick it out, you will emerge stronger, happier, and more victorious than ever before. It is said that the skies are always the darkest just before dawn. Therefore, take comfort in knowing that when things seem to be at their worst, your breakthrough is just around the corner. You will see the sun again.

Don’t give up! Don’t quit! You have so much to look forward to, you just don’t know it yet. Your best days are ahead of you.

Have a wonderful day, everyone.

Bullies Will Not Be Deterred Easily

Good afternoon, everyone. I hope you are having a great day. Many victims are well aware that the way they are being treated is wrong and I feel compelled to warn you that if you are a target of bullying and decide to take a stand against the abuse, your bullies will not be deterred easily.

I know that in movies and television, we see scenarios where targets stand up to bullies and automatically either get left alone, or become friends with them. However, in most cases, this is not reality. Remember that bullies are relentless.

Here, I discuss the retaliation tactics that bullies often use when a target finally stands up for themselves and the attitudes bullies hold in regards to their targets:

If you are a target, you must realize that bullies will not relinquish their power so easily. They will not be a good sport and hand your human rights back over to you. They will not bow out of your life gracefully. They will not release you and let you walk away. Bullies have an insatiable need to wield power over another and without that power, they feel lost.

Make no mistake about it. When you kick unsavory people out of your life, they will first resort to either gaslighting- adding their own spin to make you look and feel like the villain and maligning you to others to destroy your good name and credibility. They may also lay guilt trips- trying to convince you that you are at fault or that the abuse is just your imagination. Bullies are masters at this, especially female bullies who use feminine charm to deceive bystanders and authority figures.

They may recruit followers and start a campaign of hate and viciousness against you, by way of rumors, lies, and trying to turn your friends against you. This occurred to me on a regular basis in school and it would happen as retaliation for my having the gall to stand up to them and assert my God-given, divine right not to be abused or taken advantage of.

Females, although becoming more and more physically violent with the passage of time, commit much of their bullying by Dividing and Conquering- attacking the targets’ relationships, using smear campaigns and witch hunts designed to turn everyone against the target- ’Isolation of the target’. They also use projection- projecting all of their own shortcomings onto the target. Bullies do have flaws and their greatest fear is having them exposed. What better way to keep their imperfections hidden than to either project them onto the victim, or use distraction- distracting others attention away from their own shortcomings and evil deeds by pointing out the negative qualities of their victims.

Bullies use the above strategies not only to cover their own backsides, but also for the purpose of closing their victims off from any possible help or protection. Once the target is isolated, the bullies move in for the kill. Now, they are able to do with their victim whatever they choose to do freely and with impunity because if everyone is against the victim, the least likely they are to report or stop the abuse. In the minds of others, the target deserves what is happening to them.

Bullies want to, in essence, hold the victim hostage and they will resort to any means necessary to keep him/her on lockdown- to keep the victim in their place. They will do it with physical violence when exclusion, subtle digs, verbal assaults, gaslighting and other forms of psychological abuse no longer have an impact, either by committing the bodily harm themselves, or sending someone else to do their savagery for them.

This does not mean that you should not stand up for yourself because you should. However, when you do, be prepared. The torment will get worse before it gets better.

Have a wonderful day.

It’s Not Only In Your Mind. You Know When Something Does Not Feel Good.

Good morning, everyone. Today, I would like to discuss the confusion, which targets of bullying often face…the confusion of whether or not they are legitimately being bullied or only being paranoid.

Oftentimes, when an individual is bullied and they defend themselves, others may either trivialize the bullying or dismiss it, by telling the victim that “it’s only in your mind” or “you’re just being paranoid”. Therefore, the bully is let off the hook and is free to target the same individual again in the future. The bully gets the message loud and clear that it’s okay to target this person simply because they CAN…and with impunity. Whereas, after so long, the victim begins to feel as if it is somehow wrong to report and/or stand up to bullies. The victim then questions their own sanity, thinking, “Maybe it really is only in my mind.” and often grows silent for fear of being gaslighted and seen as “paranoid”, “crazy”, “overly sensitive” or other labels that undermine his/her sanity.

Let me enlighten you: It’s not only in your imagination. You are not being overly sensitive. You are not being a wimp, wuss, crybaby, crazy or whatever else unsavory people may call you.

Always remember that bullies are very skilled and convincing liars. You always know when something does not feel good. You can see it in the way certain people cut their eyes at you and talk through their teeth. You can hear the short and cold tone in their voices. You can feel, deep down in your gut, the nasty vibes they exude. This is why you should always listen to your gut feeling because it is never wrong. Eighty-six those people pronto!

Anyone who causes you to feel bad does not deserve your friendship. It does not matter if they are rich, smart, good looking, popular, successful, cool or tough. If they cause you to feel less than, ditch them! WEED. THEM. OUT! They are not worthy of even being in your presence. Never allow anyone to violate your boundaries, whether physical or psychological.

Self awareness is key. You must get to know yourself. It is imperative that you get absolutely clear on what you will and will not accept. Only then will you be able to tell the difference and send your bullies packing.

Wishing each and every one of you a very blessed week!