Month: August 2021
Reasons You Should Quarantine Yourself from Negative People
Negative people have a knack for bringing others down. They seem to suck the air out of every room they walk into and make everyone around them feel yucky. In many cases, these people don’t have to say a word. The vibes and bad energy alone are enough to darken the brightest of moods because you can sense it. You can feel it in your gut.
This is why it’s so important that you listen to your gut and avoid people who have a dark disposition and who seem to attract misfortune. It’s okay to help someone when they’re in trouble and provide a listening ear to someone who’s sad and needs to talk. Nothing wrong with that.
But if a person seems to live in a dark place and never get out of the funk they’re in, or, if the individual has bad stuff happen to them nonstop, it’s best to either limit time spent with them or avoid them altogether.
‘You see? Moods and emotional states are as contagious as the flu. And another person’s bad moods and misfortunes have a way of rubbing off on the people around them.
It’s much better to keep company with people who are happy, successful, and satisfied with their lives. Now, before I go on, I realize that bad things do happen to good people and that just because someone is unfortunate doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re negative.
Some have been brought down by circumstances beyond their control. They are the ones we offer a helping hand to.
However, others bring misfortune on themselves by their negative attitudes, actions, and effect on others. We should avoid these people like the plague because there’s no changing them. In fact, they will only end up changing you and not for the better.
Again, understand that we’re all susceptible to the moods, emotional states, and ways of thinking of the people we spend time with. And those who are unhappy and unstable have a contagion effect on us because of the extreme intensity of their emotions.
These are people with a victim mentality and most bullies do present themselves as victims. They will never admit that they bring a lot of bad karma on themselves by the way they treat others. And if you’re not careful, they’ll only bring you down too, because they will overwhelm you with their forceful nature.
How you keep a positive attitude is to keep company with positive and happy people. These people don’t have to mistreat or bully anyone to feel good about themselves. They’re already happy and enjoying their lives.
And they’re such a pleasure to be around. When you befriend and spend time with people who are happy and positive, you get to share in their happiness and prosperity. You become a part of the happiness they embody and the happiness they attract to themselves.
So, why not keep them around and let their joy infect you? You’ll be so glad you did!
The Reality of Self-Fulfilling Prophesies
Like always attracts like. Everything begins with a thought.
Positive expectations produce positive results
What’s in your head can become your reality.
To get what you desire, you must first think of it.
Thoughts can become things.
A negative mind produces a negative life.
If you predict defeat, you will see it.
A spirit of lack can only bring more lack.
A spirit of abundance will bring abundance.
Replace negative thinking with positive and watch great and marvelous things flow your way.
Know that a positive and fulfilling life comes from a positive mindset.
When you predict success, you’ll eventually achieve it.
Know that self-fulfilling prophecies are real!
If you think of something, you get more of the same.
When you change your thoughts, you change your LIFE!
The Freedom of Not Caring
The Thirteenth Takeaway from Being Bullied
When I posted “My 12 Takeaways from Being Bullied” today, perhaps it should’ve been titled with a thirteen instead of a twelve.
Later, another takeaway came to mind that I hadn’t thought of and failed to mention. But before I tell you what it is, allow me to elaborate a little first.
Many of my bullies in school were the most irresponsible and incompetent people I’d ever met. They were spoiled, coddled and babied which caused them to be self-entitled, demanding, arrogant and ignorant. Many of them would get into trouble with the school, juvenile authorities, or the police. And they would do these things repeatedly.
Any time they got themselves in a jam, here come Mom and Dad to the rescue. Their parents would either pull a few strings or pay through the nose to pry little junior’s butt out of the crack he’d gotten it stuck in.
If they made a bad grade, the parents would come to the school and chew the teacher out for giving the grade. Or the kid would cheat their way to a passing grade.
Many of my female bullies would end up pregnant, some repeatedly, and their parents would swoop in to fund their abortions to keep her from bringing shame to the family. What’s even funnier is that some of these kids were those no one ever in a million years thought would end up in such predicaments.
This is not to say that I look down on anyone who goes to jail, who has gotten PG out of wedlock or has had an abortion because we all screw up- and screw up BIG- at some point in life. So, understand that I’m not judging anyone, nor am I expressing any views.
The point to this post is this: They never learned to take responsibility for their own lives. And why would they if they were never made to?
I look back now and realize that it’s no wonder most of these people had the attitudes they had.
With that said, here’s my 13th takeaway:
I learned early on that I was the only person responsible for my own safety, success, and future happiness, no one else! And I had to be willing to do whatever it took to bootstrap my way back up. And it was the same with my other siblings.
There were no freebies nor piggyback rides.
If I screwed up (and I did many times), my parents didn’t bail me out. They stood back, let me fall flat on my tookus, then expected me to pick myself up afterward- all by myself! And they did it to teach me responsibility for my actions.
And when you’re a kid, you don’t realize the tough love and good intentions behind it. You don’t see the eventual payoff. You don’t think about how this will mold you into a much better person and make life much easier for you in the future.
All you’re looking at is the here and now. All you see is what’s in front of your face, which is every other kid getting to do whatever wrong they want and getting a pat on the head and a proverbial get-out-of-jail-free card while you’re having the book thrown at you. And no, it’s not fun. In fact, it downright sucks!
But! Though it may not have felt good nor seemed fair at the time, through it all, I learned independence. I learn self-control. I discovered my own strength and that I was unstoppable!
And if I can go through six long years of brutal bullying and remain standing, then nothing is impossible, and there’s no limit to the heights I can achieve.
The majority of people who are bullied are those who come from families who’ve instilled morals, integrity and the importance of accountability in them. These people are often the brightest, most hard-working, decent, caring, and, most of all, bravest people around.
When you’re bullied, you learn to overcome so many obstacles and move on with life. And you learn by yourself. You learn to fight like the dickens for your safety, well-being, and your happiness. You also learn that if you want anything in life, it’s up to only you to put in the effort to get it.
In closing, I want to thank my bullies for showing me my own strength and for giving me the grit to stay in the fight, to adapt, to overcome, and to win!
12 Postive Takeaways You Can Take from Being Bullied
1. Empathy and Compassion for the underdog
2. Appreciation of your family, friends and all the fantastic people in your life
3. Clarity of what you will and will not tolerate
4. Determination to go after what you want in life
5. A Sharper BS Detector
6. A Mission to tell your story and speak out against injustice
7. A Realization of the importance of self-care, loving yourself, and being comfortable in your own skin.
8. A Desire to learn about human behavior and why people do what they do
9. The will to protect other targets of bullying
10. The Strength and willingness to get rid of toxic people and live life on your terms
11. The selectiveness of who you allow into your life
12. A better judge of character
Real Love
How to Tell Whether They’re Laughing With You or At You
Many targets are abused for so long that they simply lose trust in people and withdraw from everyone. And in social situations, many targets mistakenly assume that those they’re with are laughing at them when they’re really laughing with them. And this can cause a rift between the target and a person who’s a mean-meaning friend.
So, how can you tell the difference?
Here’s how:
1. Laughing with you: Eye contact. The person is looking at you and interacting with you while laughing.
Laughing at you: Lack of eye contact. The person is looking around at everyone else but you while laughing.
2. Laughing with you: The person doesn’t hold the laughter in. Instead, the laughter happens automatically and spontaneously.
Laughing at you: The laugher usually pauses first. And they don’t laugh out loud but only snicker.
3. Laughing with you: How does the person treat you once the laughter is over? They’re generally good to you and they enjoy being around you.
Laughing at you: The person treats you with contempt and they won’t hang around. They may even make a snide remark to you on their way out to go laugh at you behind your back.
And it depends on context.
4. Laughing with you: The laughter is deep and the person’s natural laugh.
Laughing at you: There’s “mocking laughter”, where the person imitates your laugh. The person isn’t laughing because you’ve done anything wrong or stupid, or because there’s anything wrong with you. They’re laughing at you to bring you down and boost their own social status or to feel better about themselves.
5. Laughing with you: The person generally has good feelings toward you and is having fun or being playful.
Laughing at you: The person has a hostile and hurtful attitude toward you. They’re enjoying your pain, humiliation or weakness.
The sooner you recognize the differences, the sooner you’ll avoid the wrong people and the better relationships you’ll have with the people who truly love and care about you. And ultimately, the better you’ll feel!
HATERS! Ya Gotta Admit- Only the Best Have Them!
Bullies? Haters? Whatever you want to call them, they’re the same. As the old saying goes, “Haters Gonna hate.” And they do, with great intensity.
But why?
Here are your answers:
Anyone who does good for themselves is bound to have a pack of haters sniffing and yapping at their heels. There’s a reason that people have made the word itself an acronym.
1. H- Having
2. A- Anger
3. T- Toward
4. E- Everyone
5. R- Reaching
6. S- Success
Haters hate because of their own insecurities. They’re the type of people who resent everyone who dares to do better than them. And they’re everywhere! You see them at school, in the workplace, in the neighborhood, and even in the family!
Haters are people who go out of their way to make you feel bad about yourself. They badmouth you, discourage you, give scathing reviews, undermine your achievements, and sabotage you to slow down or stop your progress.
Here are things haters will say when they find out you’ve succeeded at something:
1. “Oh, but you’ll never do that.”
2. “Oh, but you can’t.”
3. “She recorded a CD? Well, she didn’t do much! Anybody can do that!”
4. “She’s not so hot!”
5. “She thinks she’s so (pretty, so much smarter than everyone else, etc.).
When your hater sees you happy and doing good for yourself, it makes her feel worthless and she’ll stop at nothing to block any success you aim for. Understand that these people may or may not want the success for themselves, the power (and pleasure) is in the taking of yours.
Haters hate because they feel inadequate. Therefore, they must make you feel inadequate. Do you see where this is going?
Haters will come at you with a barrage of insults and name-calling. They may talk trash behind your back and try to kill your relationships. And you don’t necessarily have to be successful to have haters.
In fact, you might not even know why they’re hating on you. But understand that if you know you haven’t provoked them in any way, it’s a good bet that it all comes from jealousy! There’s something you have that they don’t and they don’t think they can get. Or, there’s something you’re getting to do that they can’t do.
Realize that your success highlights and reminds them of their failures. And the only thing haters can do to feel good about themselves is either insult and ridicule you, or avoid you altogether. And in doing so, they get to forget about their unfulfilled dreams.
They’re only raking you through the mud because the mere sight of you reminds them of what they could never achieve.
It only goes to show that there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s not your fault that these people are either too scared or too lazy to put in the work required to live the life they want to live.
I want you to realize that the hatred itself is an admission of your awesomeness, your worthiness, and your value. It is the confession of your accomplishments. It is also the unspoken admission of their fear, insecurity, and inferiority; and a testament to their cowardice, laziness, and lack of confidence!
Because if the haters had any confidence in themselves, you wouldn’t trigger so much hatred in them, you would only trigger motivation. You would inspire them to get off their butts and work to reach their goals and dreams.
Instead of hating you, they would look up to you and want you to mentor them!
This is why you should never allow them to make you feel bad about yourself, or guilty for your successes and for having something they don’t. Instead, you should use their hate as your motivation to achieve greater success. Hate should be used as fuel! There’s a reason why it’s often said that “Haters make you famous!”
Success produces enemies, always! Accept it. Better yet, embrace it and love it
A Little Irony for Bullies
The Day the Laughter Died (In Memory of Robin Williams)
Robin Williams was one of the best comedians of all time. My first memories of him were on the sitcom, Mork & Mindy before he went on to star in some of the best movies in the business. During interviews and appearances, he seemed to be happy and chipper, always having a good one-liner on hand to brighten any mood.
I remember exactly where I was, and I was doing when news of his death first broke. It shocked me to my core as it did millions of fans around the globe. Because of his happy and upbeat demeanor, he was the last celebrity I thought would ever commit suicide, and it only goes to show that this manner of death often comes with no prior warning signs.
Unfortunately, outward appearances can be deceiving, and just because someone may look happy, confident, and outgoing doesn’t mean that they aren’t privately battling the evil demon of depression.
According to the World Health Organization (WHO), close to 800,000 people die by suicide every year, which equals to one person every 40 seconds. It is the second leading cause of death among people ages 15-29. However, the elderly have the highest suicide rates, more than 50% higher than young people (www.factretriever.com/suicide-facts)
(www.who.int/mental-health/prevention/suicide/suicideprevent/en/)
One reason for the high suicide rate is that people frown upon mental illness. Because those unlucky enough to battle it fear others might judge them negatively and unfairly, they don’t admit that there’s a problem and refuse to get treatment.
Robin Williams was no different.
I can tell you that despite his fame and fortune, he was afraid of being judged. Being a man, came with the fear that society would revoke his proverbial man-card, as men are conditioned from infancy to be the pillars of strength, which is why suicide rates are much higher with males. Being a comedian, he was afraid of being discredited and possibly losing his career.
Because there is so much stigma which surrounds depression and mental illness, these were very legitimate fears. I have found that people judge those with mental illness worse than they do thieves and murderers, and it’s a shame.
What’s even more mind-boggling is that many of these finger-pointers also have some mental illness themselves or in their families. They only live in denial and point fingers to distract others from their own issues.
Yesterday marked the seventh anniversary of Robin Williams’ death. If someone as talented, vibrant, wealthy, and famous as Robin Williams can be stricken with depression or any form of mental illness, then anyone can at any time.
People suffering do not need your criticism or your pity. They need your support!
It’s time to stop hiding, stop passing judgment, and remove the stigma!
In Memory of Robin Williams
(July 21, 1951 – August 11, 2014)
Bullies Will Sometimes Use Tactics That Are Outrageous, Outlandish, and Unheard Of
Understand that outrageous tactics are deliberate, and there’s a reason behind them.
Bullies employ these shenanigans on their targets to gaslight them. They already know their tactics are so disgraceful and outlandish that they’re beyond all comprehension. They also know that people would have a difficult time believing it if it were spoken of.
However, if something is beyond all comprehension, you have to ask yourself how anyone could make this stuff up? And so many people in power forget this.
Understand that the use of tactics that seem a bit outlandish is a subtle form of gaslighting. These astonishing actions are meant to confuse and silence the target. Because when things that happen are so far outside human comprehension and experience, they’re the most difficult to talk about because “these kinds of things just don’t happen.”
Any member of authority to whom the target reports it is likely to tell himself:
1. “No! It’s a mistake!”
2. “There’s no way something like that can happen! It couldn’t have!”
3. “Wow! That sounds so far-fetched! It can’t be true!”
Again. Understand that bullies do these things deliberately! They design their tactics to be “shocking,” “unbelievable,” and “over the top” in case the target speaks out. It’s a way to bewilder the target and make him too scared to talk about it. And if he does report it, it’s likely to leave potential listeners too bewildered to believe it.
They force victims to doubt their perceptions and their sanity. Because if the tactic is so wild and unheard of that, we can hardly believe it ourselves. And if we can hardly believe it, how can we expect others to believe it when we tell them?
You must realize that bullies are slick and inventive! If you’re a target, you will know your bullies are employing such tactics when, at any time, you ask yourself such questions as:
“Whoa! Did this just happen?”
“Did she really just say that?”
“Did he really just do that?”
“Did I just see that?”
“Did I just hear what I thought I heard?”
Or you’ll think statements that begin with, “She did NOT just…”.
Another clue is that you ask yourself,
“Can I tell anyone else about what these people are doing without being laughed at and told that it’s all in my imagination?”
And these questions will gnaw at you. Also, you’ll wonder if you really were imagining or seeing things. Remember that the purpose of gaslighting is to make you doubt your perceptions and what you experienced.
If you experienced these things from bullies, know that it wasn’t all in your head. There is a way to speak out about it and do it with confidence and conviction. And when you speak up, put some conviction in it.
Here’s another way you can respond if the person you talk about this too doubts you’re telling the truth or suspects that you’re being “crazy.” You can simply say,
“You can’t make this stuff up!”
That’s the best thing to say any time you witness, hear, or experience these types of bully tactics.
It Always Gets Better!
Definition of Bullying: What Is and Is Not Bullying
bully word in a dictionary. bully concept.
Because people use the term “bullying” so widely today, they too often misuse and abuse it. In today’s climate, people throw the word around flippantly, and “bullying” is used in situations that don’t fit its use.
Many are too quick to stick the “bully” label on anyone who says anything they either disagree with or don’t like. There’s so much confusion about what is bullying and what is only rudeness, being a jerk, or voicing an individual opinion, whether good or bad.
Therefore, I feel an obligation to point out the definition of bullying and to clarify what truly is and isn’t bullying.
Here is the definition:
Bullying – an ongoing and deliberate misuse of power in relationships through repeated verbal, physical, and/or social behavior that intends to cause physical, social, and/or psychological harm. It can involve an individual or a group misusing their power, or perceived power, over one or more persons who feel unable to stop it from happening (https://www.ncab.org.au/bullying-advice/bullying-for-parents/definition-of-bullying/)
All too often, bullying is confused with:
1. Disagreements and truthful debates
2. Misunderstandings
3. Stubbornness
4. Incivility and jerky behavior
Bullying has become a blanket term to describe anyone who is only rude or opinionated. The label of “bully” is too quickly stuck to people who are not necessarily bullies but only uncivil jerks and jackasses- basically anyone who says, does, or believes anything that the labeler doesn’t find comfortable. This is wrong.
For something to be considered bullying, there must be all of these ingredients:
1. An imbalance of power
2. Repetition
3. Repeated attacks against the same person over a long time.
4. The behavior has to be a habit or the same pattern, against the same victim.
If a 6’5” tall and muscular knucklehead on the street bumps into you and says, “Hey, idiot! Watch where the hell you’re going!”, then keeps walking. That’s not bullying. Is the person a total jackhole? Absolutely. But he isn’t necessarily a bully.
Now, if he deliberately ran into you and shot his mouth off to you every day, every time he saw you on the street. And he made a habit of it by continuing to harass you, then yes! He would be a bully. Because he would be using his size and height to intimidate you and he’d be repeating the behavior every day.
Here’s another example:
A person is voicing an opinion. When someone asks them if what they think of their new next-door neighbor, the person answers by saying,
“I think he is an arrogant, egotistical jackass.”
This is NOT bullying. It’s only voicing an opinion.
But! If the person continued this behavior for a length of time and smeared the new neighbor to everyone in the neighborhood in an attempt to turn everyone against her, then yes! It is bullying.
If two people are arguing over different beliefs, it’s not bullying Even if the argument is heated.
Only when one of the arguers resort to repeatedly (notice I said, repeatedly) calling their opponent names and shaming them because they don’t agree nor share their beliefs, and the harassment goes on for a long time, against the same opponent! That, my friends, is bullying!
To prevent innocent people from being labeled as bullies, we MUST get clear on exactly what it is that constitutes bullying! Only then will we be able to apply it to those who are truly deserving of the label.
Failure Is The Mother of Success
