Month: August 2021

Bullies Want You Dependent, Submissive…and Stupid!

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Remember that bullies hate a person who’s smart because one who’s intelligent can see through their smoke screens. They also hate anyone who’s independent because they’re least likely to be controlled and subdued. And most independent people are smart because they know how to improvise and need no one to hold their hand.

As we see in so many examples today in government and media, bullies would rather have you dependent, submissive, and stupid because a stupid person is a gullible person who will believe anything another person tells them even if it means it leads them to the slaughter.

Stupid people are the easiest to take power from and control because they never think for themselves, and they never think critically. They take everything at face value and fall for anything.

A stupid person either hasn’t had enough life lessons to learn, or they’ve been coddled and sheltered- they weren’t allowed to fall on their ass and made to pick themselves back up.

And thus, the stupid person is also dependent. He/she is dependent because they never learned how to fend for themselves. Who can learn anything when, people are constantly bailing them out?

The stupid are also submissive because they’ll do anything people, especially those who have a little influence (politicians, media, celebrities, sports figures…anyone with authority and clout) tell them just to stay in their good graces and the good graces of society and the public.

Understand that knowledge truly is power. Having the knowledge of evil and the motives and intentions behind it is the only way you’ll be able to protect yourself from it. For, it you don’t know evil is happening, you’ll never be able to defend yourself against it. Therefore, you will be blindsided and thrown off balance when evil finally strikes!

And then you will be defenseless!

And the same will be if you’re willfully blind and ignorant. Though ignorance may be bliss, it may be more comfortable and feel better, it won’t help you when evil strikes and reality is staring you square in the face. You’ll be just as defenseless!

You’re never too old to learn. And the process of attaining growth and wisdom is never comfortable. In fact, it can be downright painful because it requires that you unlearn some of the falsehoods that have been drummed into your head for so long.

It also requires that you admit that you were duped- that you fell for all the lies and that you were wrong. And, yes, it also demands that you admit that you are, or have been…wait for it…stupid! Gasp! Ouch!

It’s what I had to do, and it wasn’t fun, I can tell you!

They don’t call it “growing pains” for nothing.

But once you allow yourself to go through this process- to admit some hard truths about yourself and to take the pain, you will come out on the other side of it a much better version of yourself. You will be wise, and it will be as if you’ve been given a new set of eyes- ones that see so much clearer and can pick out the tiniest detail. And the devil is always in the details.

Ignorance is bliss, but only for so long. Eventually, you either wise up and act to save yourself, or you suffer the shock of realizing you were duped all along the moment you face the very real prospect of being destroyed by the very people who fooled you.

The more you know…

Bullies Hate Differences of Any Kind. What is Hate Transfer?

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bullying bullied victim hard

You’ve heard of addiction-transfer- when an addict replaces one addiction with another (for example, the addiction to food is replaced with an addiction to alcohol). But what about hate-transfer?

Here’s an explanation. I’ll use my school bullies as examples.

Many of my bullies in high school were stone-cold racists. However, they couldn’t express that hate to minorities because even during the ’80s and early ’90s, open racism was taboo. So, they simply replaced that hatred with that of the mentally ill and disabled, the indigent and out-of-town people.

I know they were racists because, on many occasions, they bullied me because having been a military brat and been around people of all races and creeds, I had no qualms with associating with people of all races. I accepted everyone because I’ve always believed we are all one race- the human race!

However, in Oakley, Tennessee, people frowned on this and not only people of my race but others as well.

hypocrite hypocrisy double standard

I also overheard many private conversations among girls in the bathrooms. They’d make disgusting racial slurs and put down other races among themselves within the privacy and secrecy of their group, then in public, smile and give a friendly pat on the back to the very people they put down earlier. Sheesh! They would act like they were their best friends.

But wait! There’s more!

However, they were openly hateful to the kids in the Special Ed classes, who they referred to as “the retarded kids.” They also publicly bullied kids who were dirt poor and kids who weren’t originally from Oakley. And if you were gay back then, you never let it be known at Oakley High School.

You see, people such as these have to have someone to bully. If they can’t bully other races, they will bully the poor and destitute. If they cannot bully transexuals, they will bully the mentally disabled.

bullying bullied victim

But wait! There’s more!

However, they were openly hateful to the kids in the Special Ed classes, who they referred to as “the retarded kids.” They also publicly bullied kids who were dirt poor and kids who weren’t originally from Oakley. And if you were gay back then, you never let it be known at Oakley High School.

You see, people such as these have to have someone to bully. If they can’t bully other races, they will bully the poor and destitute. If they cannot bully transexuals, they will bully the mentally disabled.

That is what hate-transfer is.

It’s having a hatred of anyone different from you but staying in the “safe zone” by only discriminating against those who aren’t as “protected.”

Prejudice against anyone should be illegal, and it is. However, bias against the poor or mentally disabled isn’t near as evident as bias against someone from a different race because anyone from any ethnicity can be poor or mentally incapacitated.

And skin color can be seen with the eyes. Poverty and mental disability are sometimes invisible to the eyes. You can be poor or have a mental disability. People can even know or suspect you may be poor or mentally disabled. But you don’t necessarily have to look that way.

bullying scapegoat victim bullied

Sadly, to have legal protections, your uniqueness to the majority must be seen with the eyes, and even then, it’s no guarantee you’ll have those protections.

Understand that most seasoned bullies hate anyone different from them. But they only harass the groups who have less legal protections and are “safest” and more socially acceptable to bully!

The more you know.

People Are Gonna Talk. They Always Will.

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gossip talk backstabbers

But remember. It’s nothing personal!

And it’s a fact of life we need to accept. And the sooner you do, the better off you’ll be. are going to talk about you until the day you die. And it’s something that we all not only need to accept but be okay with if we’re ever going to grow as human beings.

And here’s another fun fact:
Everyone gets talked about, everyone! Even the best of us!

If wealthy celebrities and politicians get bashed and put down, you’re only fooling yourself if you think that you don’t or shouldn’t. But why should you care? Why should you give a crap what people say or think of you?

You really are worth it

During high school, everyone bullied me terribly and talked about me like a dog. It used to upset me. It used to make me angry or sad. I won’t lie, having people say horrible things about me, tell lies, and put me down? It hurt.

As an adult, I even worked around people talked trash about me. But I realized that most of them didn’t matter anyway.

They didn’t pay my bills.

They didn’t sign my paycheck every week.

They weren’t anyone I cared anything about.

Outside of the job, they had no bearing on my life.

I sometimes look back and ask myself, “Damn! Why did I ever concern myself with it? Those morons weren’t even on my level and weren’t worth two cents.”

gossip talk rumors lies

The point I’m making is that most people are a dime a dozen. They really are! And nine times out of ten, the reason they’re so busy squawking about others is that they’re bored with their own lives and have nothing better to do.

And the sooner you realize it, the sooner you’ll stop caring and the happier you’ll be. When you stop being so concerned, you’ll no longer be a slave to the approval of others, and you’ll set yourself free of any anxiety.

The only opinions you should place that kind of importance on are those of your God, your family, and your closest friends.

Anyone outside of that isn’t even an issue. the opinions of God, my family, and my closest friends are the only ones that matter. The rest is just a waste of energy and mind-space.

7 Statements Bullies Make When They Can’t Come Up with a Good Excuse for Their Rotten Behavior

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Any time a bully is asked by others why he/she behaves the way they do toward you; the bully will often come up with something that sounds plausible and makes sense. And let’s face it, we’ve all met people who instantly give us the heebie-jeebies, or whom we were suspicious of, and we didn’t even have to see them do anything for it to raise our alarm bells. The person didn’t even have to speak. He/she may have even been a nice person and very well-behaved, but still, we just didn’t feel good around the person.

Therefore, these explanations are so plausible. Because some people, regardless of whether they’ve done anything wrong, just seem to creep others out and we should always follow our gut instinct.

Closeup portrait of skeptical man looking suspicious, some disgust on his face mixed with disapproval isolated on gray background. Negative human emotions, facial expressions, feelings

But! Because these explanations are so plausible and relatable, they can also be used by bullies to deceive others into shunning or even abusing you. Because if one person makes the statement that a certain individual gives them a bad feeling, and the person saying it happens to be a trusted and highly thought of person, (as many bullies are because of their ability to charm and draw others to them) those listening will automatically think, “Whoa! If so-and-so gives Becky a bad feeling, then what have I been missing here?”

And the others will automatically become suspicious of the person too. Remember that moods, emotions, and behaviors have a highly contagion effect, and tend to spread over a group, community, or population like a brush fire!

1.“She just rubs me the wrong way!”

2. “I just don’t like him.”

3. “I just get a bad feeling about her!”

4. “There’s just something about him that I don’t like!”

5. “She just gives me a bad feeling!”

6. “I just don’t feel good around him!”

7. “Something about her just scares me!”

Positive teenage student boy keeps hands folded, tooth smile imagine himself an angel with fluffy wings behind back and a halo above head. Super power, inner strength and innocence concept.

Here’s the thing. When the bully is highly thought of and well-trusted, the people who like and trust that bully are likely to doubt their own senses and go with the word of the bully- simply because they trust their judgement. Put simpler, they will trust their judgement more than they do their own.

Realize that this evil individual is trying to be slick! There’s a purpose for this and it’s to cast doubt on you in the eyes of others and to provoke suspicion. Nothing more. And all it takes is a seed of doubt to begin a long smear campaign. The best thing to do is to see it for exactly what it is- a smear campaign in the making and watch the bully escalate it from there.

Watch the bully try to “create” bogus stories. She will also create proof to back it up by baiting you into a verbal altercation or fight to get a reaction out of you. Then she can use your normal reaction and spin it to fit her twisted narrative. That’s how this scenario works, so be on the lookout!

If possible, the best thing to do is to avoid this person altogether and save yourself a ton of drama. Remember- out of sight, out of mind.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Sunshine Blogger Award #12

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Howdy everyone; I was nominated for the Sunshine Blogger Award by James A. Best from the James A. Best Author blog @ https://myplace3187.wordpress.com/

I am both honored and humbled to be nominated for this award. I agree it is time to bring out the Sunshine into our world because there’s entirely too much rain and gloominess in it. So, let’s soak up some sun rays!

” The Sunshine Blogger Award is given by bloggers to Bloggers who inspire positivity and creativity for the Blogging Community.”

The Rules:

1. Thank the blogger (s) who nominated you and link back to their blog.

2. List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award Logo.

3. Answer the 11 Questions the blogger asked you.

4. Nominate 11 New Blogs to receive the award. Write them 11 new Questions and notify them about the nomination.

Here are my 11 Questions:

1. What is your most unique funny experience you have ever had? Can’t remember anything unique, however, I remember being on lunch break at work while working the graveyard shift back in February of 1996. It was extremely cold and everyone would always sit in their cars with the heater running- I was no exception. When it came time to go back to work, I got out of the car and sprinted across the parking lot because it was freezing outside and I was in a hurry to get inside the building where it was warm. I ended up tripping over a speed bump and busting my butt in front of God and everyone. From then on, my nickname was, “Speed Bump.” I even laughed about that and still do because I realized that it was all in good fun.

2. What type of Smart Phone do you enjoy using? Samsung.

3. What is your favourite song that picks you up? Any song I can either rock out to, or boogie down and shake my butt too.

4. Which do you like running or just walking? Walking.

5. What is your favourite food during the summer? Ice cream!

6. What is your favourite summer movie? Twister!

7. If you could go any where in the world. Where would that be? Hawaii!

8. What kind of animals do you like as pets? Dogs and cats.

9. What is your favourite activity during the summer? Swimming.

10. Where do get your motivation to keep writing your blog? Knowing that it helps so many people who are hurting.

11. Where is your favourite #1 place to escape to in the summer time? The coast!

My Nominees For The Sunshine Blogger Award:

  1. Kym Gordon Moore
  2. Texas Jack & Dodie Cleaver Journeys
  3. Abigail Johnston No Half Measures
  4. Beach House
  5. Brother’s Campfire
  6. Roadtirement
  7. Tonya LaLonde
  8. Aimee Eddy
  9. K.T. Workman
  10. Rishika Jain Ethereal Unicorn
  11. Pepper Valentine

Questions for my Nominees :

1. What is the most embarrassing moment you’ve had in the past that you’re comfortable telling about today?

2. What is your dream car?

3. Country music, Dance music, or Rock music?

4. Are you a dog person or a cat person?

5. What is your best family get-together memory?

6. Did you grow up a military kid?

7. Name the places you’ve traveled to?

8. Stephen King or Dean Koontz?

9. What’s your favorite fall food?

10. What’s your favorite dessert?

11. Did you ever pull a Ding Dong Ditch and leave a flaming bag of crap on someone’s porch as a child?

I read so many wonderful blogs that it was tough to pick out only 11 of them. I am looking forward to all who participate in this Sunshine Blogger Award.

Getting Older Does Have It’s Benefits

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confidence self-esteem happiness peace getting older

No one enjoys the thought of getting older, I’m no exception. However, if we’re lucky to live long enough, it is an unavoidable reality we’ll all face eventually. And it sure as hell beats the alternative.

The reasons we fear the advancement of age is the loss of our youthful good looks, decline of physical strength and endurance and the rising possibility of illness and death…all very legitimate concerns.

I have often heard Judge Judy tell young litigants whom stood before her, “Beauty fades but dumb is forever”.

She’s right. And I believe her definition of “dumb” is not level of intelligence per se, but the refusal to learn anything new and hold on to beliefs and values which may never benefit us. If we aren’t learning, we aren’t growing and being from a small town, I’ve met countless people my age whom haven’t learned much and continue to hold prejudices which should have long been done away with, while lamenting about and dreading getting older.

happy confidence self-esteem confident peace beach

But getting older is certain. Why not be grateful for each day given you? And continue to learn and grow? As the old saying goes, “There’s no fool like an old fool.”.

Intelligence and the wisdom we’ve gained over the years always trumps beauty, strength, health, or anything physical because once we’ve lost all the physical blessings we once had, smarts and a good heart are the only things we’ll have left before we finally leave this world.

There are many positives to getting older. Here are my takeaways:

1. I feel very blessed to have lived this long. A lot of people never make it to be this age.

2. Being older has made me confident and comfy in my own skin, giving me the freedom to be myself without fear.

free happy confidence confident self-esteem peace

3. I have become choosy of the people I keep in my life, preferring family and a few of my closest friends. I prioritize the people I love, who love me and who mean the most.

4. I don’t waste time with people who are fake or who don’t have my back. I love myself enough to walk away from toxic people who would otherwise bring me down and I can do it free of guilt.

5. It’s much easier to say, “NO”.

6. I have gained a truckload of knowledge and wisdom!

I wouldn’t trade any of these benefits for all the beauty or money in the world, which is why I don’t toil over my age nor do I hide it because I consider it an asset and a testament to how far I’ve come.

Mary Kay Ashe once said, “A woman who tells her age will tell anything.”
I disagree.

Because, a woman who tells her weight? Now there’s a woman who will tell anything!

Here’s Why Bullies Attack Your Reputation

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reputation

“Reputation is the cornerstone of power.” – Robert Greene

Simply put, bullies attack your reputation to strip you of power. Once your reputation is gone, you’re defenseless and extremely vulnerable to attack. Bullies can freely attack you from all directions. Even worse, you’re at the mercy of virtually everyone around you.

Bullies know that if they can poke holes in your reputation, they won’t have to work so hard to bring you down because now, they have public opinion on their side. They can then stand back and watch with glee as widely held perceptions of you finish you off.

To start, bullies will plant seeds of doubt about your character in the minds of others. Doubt is a powerful tool.

Next, they spread rumors and lies.

gossip rumors defamation

Bullies are proof that offense is the best defense. Drawing first blood is always best because the target can only respond in either one of two ways.

1. He could deny the rumors, even produce evidence that proves his innocence of the accusations. Or,

2. He could ignore the lies and blow his accusers off with a “whatever” and walk away laughing.

But!

Either way, people will still look at the target with suspicion.

1. If the target defends himself and produces evidence to the contrary, the prevailing thought will be,

“There must be some truth to the rumors, otherwise he wouldn’t be defending himself so vehemently.”

gossip

2. If he ignores the lies and waves his accusers away with a laugh, others will be even more suspicious of him because they’ll think that he has something to hide and is only playing it cool.

Bullies know that if they instigate rumors the right way, there’s a possibility that they can get the target so enraged and rattled that while defending himself, he ends up making a truckload of mistakes.

And if the target hasn’t yet established a reputation, the smear campaign will only work all the more in the bullies’ favor.

And the sad fact is this:

Two different people can do the exact same thing the exact same way. And each person’s reputation will decide whether the action is brilliant or terrible.
Put simpler. It’s not what you do. It’s who you are when you do it. It’s not the action itself, but who the person is that does it.

A person who’s well-liked and has a stellar reputation can write an essay, and others will deem it a brilliant piece.

bullying storm damage

But let a person who’s despised by everyone and has a lousy reputation write the exact same essay, and others will only view it as a worthless piece of garbage that’s not even worth reading, which brings me to the final conclusion:

Reputation can affect all areas of your life. It can be the difference between having success or failure- in everything!

But there’s hope.

Although extremely difficult, you can still salvage your reputation and change your life for the better. Here’s how.

1. Move to a different area. Sometimes you must go somewhere else and start over again. It may be difficult to leave your family behind, but if you stay in the town where people judge you unfavorably, you’ll never have the chance to move forward and will always be stuck right where you are. Why not pack your things and leave for greener pastures.

2. Find a good cause to fight for and that you’re passionate about. Any time you fight for a good cause, you will meet like-minded people who are fighting for the same purpose.

The cause could be “The Me Too Movement,” “The Victim’s Rights Movement,” or even “The Anti-Bullying Movement.” Whatever the cause, you will attract those who are fighting for the same things. And you’ll easily make positive connections with them and become life-long friends.

Although many doors get slammed shut and locked, there’s always a way out if you look for it. I guarantee it!

Body Shaming: Another Form of Bullying

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bullying body shaming

People, especially males, are visual creatures. A part of human nature is that appearances do matter. We choose dates based on how the other person’s physical appearance.

Although how you look isn’t the entire package and things like personality and disposition are what counts in the long run, looks are what gets your foot in the door. It’s just the  crazy, unfair world we live in.

It’s no secret that many females pride themselves on how they look. Hey, I do it too! Beauty is power. There’s also a phenomenon known as the “halo effect.”
The halo effect is “a cognitive bias that occurs when an initial positive judgment about a person colors the individual as a whole.”

Beauty often makes a person appealing, making it difficult to change the minds of others when they receive new and negative information about the person. It makes the person appear more trusting and friendly. People who possess a certain positive quality or strength are assumed to have positive qualities in all other areas as well.

A teacher might be so impressed with a student’s looks or charming personality that they may give that student an A when, in reality, they may deserve a C. Clothes, hairstyles, and makeup are presumed to be of more value than, say, a person’s good heart or generosity.

Bullies instinctively know this, which is why they not only bend over backward to keep up the best appearance, but they will either shame someone else, particularly girls and women if they don’t look as good as them, or tear them down if they look better than them.

body shaming

Weight-shaming is all too common these days. Many people ridicule overweight females (and some males) because “they’re not thin enough.”  Bullies may also taunt tiny women and men and tell them they “need to put some meat on their bones.”

Because the person is overweight or underweight, those around them take pleasure in making them feel as if they aren’t good enough and that they should not love and accept themselves.

This is wrong!

I want you to understand that weight doesn’t mean that you’re unattractive. I know many overweight and underweight people who are beautiful. They have impeccable hygiene, they dress nice, and they have fantastic personalities and positive outlooks on life. These people are happy, regardless! And they feel good about themselves!

Realize that bullies will often pick out what they perceive to be flaws in your physical appearance when they have nothing else to judge you on. They have a real flair for picking out something about yourself that you’re highly insecure about and using it simply because they know it triggers you.

But know that it takes a shallow and superficial person to resort to this kind of behavior.

No matter how you look, you still have value, and you matter! You are loved regardless!

However, here are a few ways you can feel better about yourself if your classmates or coworkers are body-shaming you.

body shaming

1. Dress your best. Because if you look good, you feel good.

2. Apply a little makeup. Again, this will do wonders for your self-esteem.

3. Maybe get a new hairstyle. Something new will often make you feel better about yourself. It will give you that burst of excitement that you’ve probably needed for a while now.

4. Eat right and exercise. But only if you’re not happy with your present weight or physical endurance.

Do it because it’s better for your health. We should take steps to take care of our bodies so that we can ward off any illnesses in the future. Also, exercise is a great stress-buster!

You should always practice self-care!

And don’t do it thinking that the bullies will stop harassing you because chances are, they won’t. They’ll only find something else to disparage you about. It’s what bullies do best!

But do the above for YOU, because YOU want to do it and because you want to change things about yourself that YOU don’t like. Not because others say you should.

And if there’s something you cannot change, don’t beat yourself up. Find ways to embrace it. And if others don’t like the way you look, tell them to hit the road!

body shaming

Change the things you can and accept the things you can’t change.

Understand that good looks isn’t what makes you as a person. A beautiful outer appearance counts for nothing if you’re ugly on the inside. And beauty is fleeting, but a good personality lasts a lifetime!

Look your best not to impress others, but to make yourself feel good.

And lastly, know that you’re beautiful and that you’re loved! You have a purpose for being here! Never forget that!

Either Put Yourself First, or You’ll Have Nothing Left for Yourself

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positive me time alone

Putting others first isn’t a bad thing. It shows that you care about your fellow man and that you’re willing to contribute some good to the world. It’s an outstanding character trait to have.

Many people have been conditioned, often by well-meaning parents, that the polite thing to do is to put others ahead of ourselves. That making sacrifices for others shows manners and that we’re “good people”- that we are well-mannered and have morals. Nothing wrong with it.

However, when that courtesy is overdone or done at your own expense, that’s when it becomes a bad thing. The problem is that people will come to expect you to be a yes-person and take their crap. You’ll soon attract users and abusers and become a doormat.

In taking this advice, many of us found out the hard way that giving too much of ourselves sometimes involved overlooking abuse. Even worse, we found that it didn’t make the mistreatment go away but only encouraged the person to abuse us later.

bullied victim walked on doormat

Growing up, I heard every excuse you can imagine.

“Oh, they’re just having a bad day.”

“Maybe they have an abusive or cheating spouse at home.”

“Oh, but you never know what that person is going through.” Blah-blah-b-blah.

A few adults in my family and a few teachers advised me to,

“Give them a break.”

“Cut so-and-so some slack.”

“Try to overlook him.”

“Oh, but try to put yourself in her shoes.”

“Be reasonable.”

bullied victim doormat

That got old very quickly. I eventually grew fed up and wanted to scream,
“Um- EXCUSE ME! I’ve been ‘reasonable,’ and the only thing I ever got from it is taken advantage of! Would you be reasonable if this happened to you?!”

The point is that no matter what anyone tells you, it’s okay to put yourself first. And no law or rule says you have to tolerate unacceptable behavior- from anyone! Ever!

Anytime you’re mistreated, then advised or forced to “be nice” or “understand what Joe Blow is going through,” it only means that, subconsciously, the givers of this advice either don’t care about your boundaries, or they’re afraid of making the offending person angrier, and of the situation escalating. Some people can’t handle conflict.

They are only trying to silence you to appease the person who’s being a total jackass.

bully bullies crybaby tantrum crazy

These kinds of advice and expectations can do one of either two things to you as you get older:

A. It can program you to be over tolerant of unacceptable and abusive behaviors and set you up for a life of getting bullied by other people.

You grow up being so afraid of pissing anyone off that you accept any abuse to avoid conflict. You end up living a life of being crapped on by others.

B. It can have the exact opposite effect and give you an “F-you” attitude and a bad case of The Don’t-Give-A-Shits.

Because of being forced to accept bad behavior in the past, you become a mean, bitter, and apathetic adult and could care less about anyone. That’s not good either.

I’m one of the lucky ones. It gave me an equal blend of both. I believe in treating others how I’d want them to treat me and don’t mind lending a helping hand to someone who needs it.

positive self-care you can't pour from an empty cup you first

But if for one moment, I suspect that someone is taking my kindness for being a fool, I’ll drop that person like a bad habit and they’re on their own!

It’s okay to be kind. It’s okay to put others before you, but only in particular circumstances.

For example:

It’s perfectly fine to give an older adult your chair in a crowded doctor’s office.

It’s okay to get up and offer your seat to a combat soldier in a crowded airport.

In fact, it’s called having respect for elders and servicemen and women who fight for your country.

But never take abuse nor accept excuses for unacceptable behavior. Anytime someone crosses a line with you, go ahead. Respond in kind. Give it back to them because only then will the person realize that you aren’t a doormat and find someone else to abuse.

This is not selfish or being self-centered. It’s called self-preservation.

Announcing Blog Plans for The First of Next Year

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May be an image of text that says 'BREAKING NEWS'

To keep all my awesome and faithful readers informed, I’m thinking very seriously about going self-hosted in the beginning of next year. A decision hasn’t been made yet. I’ve been studying on it and reading about it and many bloggers have advised me to go self-hosted. Sooo, I plan to take the plunge in January 2022 and see where it takes me.

Please pray for me if I decide embark on this new journey next year. And if you’ve gone self-hosted, please feel free to tell me about your journey and what the pros and cons were for you. Although I’ve learned so much about self-hosted blogging, there are still so many questions I have left to find answers to and I’d appreciate your input so much.

Thank you so much for your friendship and your support. I couldn’t have made it this far without each and every one of you.

Blessings to you all.

Distraction- A Powerful Weapon for Bullies

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toxic

“The essence of deception is distraction.” – Robert Greene

The bully uses distraction, often called deflection, when they use the target’s imperfections to distract other people’s attention away from their own shortcomings. It is the reason that so many people in authority, bystanders, and witnesses unjustly label targets as bullies and troublemakers.

Because bullies are highly skilled at deflecting their misdeeds onto others, people will falsely accuse innocent victims of being the instigators of arguments or fights, and perpetrators of bullying behaviors.

bullying bullied labeled

Here’s how the bully does it:

He extends acts of kindness and shows honesty in front of everyone – everyone except his victim. He does this to charm and disarm authority and potential bystanders and witnesses. The bully fools them all into believing that he’s such a fine young man and would never mistreat another person. And he ultimately wins everyone else over to his side.

What this elaborate display of (false) kindness and authenticity does is soften everyone outside the bully/victim relationship and turn them into allies. People hungrily eat up any affection the bully extends to them. She (the bully) then sweetens the deal by inviting them out to do lunch or to hang out.

narcissist bully

But understand that she only pours on the pleasantries and charm to everyone else to trick them into feeling obligated in the event she must ask them to do some dirty work for her against her target.

If you’re a target of this type of bullying, I want you to know that your bullies don’t do this because they just happen to like everyone else but you, they do it for the sole purpose of gaining favor and loyalty from them! Realize that the bullies only see everyone else as tools and worker bees.

Have you noticed how most bullies suck up to teachers and managers?

The bully will then slyly bait her target by pushing their hot buttons and triggering them into an emotional reaction. And she will make sure that everyone is around to see the target’s breakdown or outburst.

bullying distraction pot calling the kettle black

He will also accuse the target of the same behaviors that he’s guilty of or of having the same flaws he has.

But understand that this is all part of the distraction. The bully aims to give others the illusion that you are the bully and he is the target.

Remember that most bullies can be very charming and alluring and they’re good at this game. You must know the tactics in detail, so you can call them out to protect yourself from being abused and blamed, then ultimately labeled.