Month: May 2021

Targets and Survivors of Bullying and Self-Defeating Behavior

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Targets and many survivors of bullying have self-esteems that have been repeatedly injured, and when one’s self-esteem is injured, sometimes they will have trouble making friends and attracting suitors for dates and romance.

This can be because of two things, the person either becomes angry because they feel they were judged unfairly, or they resign themselves as social failures and withdraw.

The anger helps to protect the target’s self-esteem. Moreover, the target’s anger is heightened due to having been programmed by bad life experiences to sometimes mistake comments for insults.

If it’s constructive criticism, the target may wonder if the person doing the criticizing is trying to help them or only trying to show them that they’re smarter or implying that he (the target) is stupid.

Many targets are bullied for so long that their social development has been stunted. Therefore, many targets and survivors may be successful in everything except relationships with others. This is because they’ve been made to believe that they’re unlovable and thus, don’t trust anyone else when they show them affection and profess love.

These people only see other people’s attempts at love and friendship as manipulation because it’s what they’ve come to expect.

Many targets and survivors of bullying are often looked at as standoffish, stuck-up, or snobbish because they feel safer keeping other people at arm’s length. Because of this arm’s-length approach to social situations, people see the target or survivor of bullying as being wrapped up in themselves when, in fact, they’re insecure because of mistreatment they endure.

The unspoken message from the person is “don’t get too close” and it comes from their fear of being rejected, hurt, and worse- bullied again. So, they put on a cool front to hide their nervousness.

On top of being bullied by peers, many targets and survivors have or have had a parent overcriticize and belittle them, which only doubles the insecurity. So, they find it much safer to overprotect themselves and build a wall to keep potential enemies out. They go out of their way to avoid exposing themselves to rejection, and thus, appear to others as cold and detached.

Like anyone else, targets and survivors desire love, and they have a bigger desire for it than most. However, their intense fear of being bullied blocks them from getting that love because to get love requires a degree of vulnerability.

Being able to enjoy friendship, love, and affection means letting down your guard and taking risks. Sadly, many targets and survivors are too afraid to lower their defenses.

If this post describes you, I want you to know that I completely understand because I’ve been right where you are now. However, I can’t stress enough the importance and necessity of putting yourself out there and taking the risk.

To see positive change, you must shed this protective armor if you want to attain the friendship and love you so desire. Because the self-protective measures that you have taken are exactly what is repelling others and keeping you isolated. Being aloof and distant may indeed feel safe, but it’s also self-defeating because it keeps love out.

So, step out in faith and I promise you that you will see change you never thought possible. You’ll have good friends who will love you for simply being you. Hey! It happened for me and it will happen for you too!

😊

How Bullying of a Particular Person Can Become Status Quo and Why You Must Assert Yourself (Part 2)

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Continued from Part 1…

If a certain student’s bullying is allowed to continue over a certain amount of time, even for as short as a few weeks, it will likely become the status quo with his/her peers at school. Once it becomes the status quo, it’s virtually impossible to assert your rights without encountering a ton of resistance and reprisals.

The trick is to assert yourself immediately before the bully or bullies grow(s) accustomed to tormenting you because once they do, in most cases, it’s too late. Once it is too late, anytime you are brave and refuse to bow down to a bully, expect retaliation…expect to be severely punished for undermining the bully’s perceived authority or power over you.

This is a warning that you absolutely must heed. Any time one certain student is repeatedly bullied over a certain period of time, it becomes a habit…a ritual for any and everyone at the school.

And when you muster up the spunk to say and/or do anything to assert, defend, or stand up for yourself, you are going against a status quo or perceived norm. And once you dare to go against any status quo, you had better prepare yourself for an all-out war!

You are a target! And bullies see you as anything but. As much as it may suck, when a person becomes a target of bullying, people- bullies, bystanders, and yes, sometimes even teachers and staff, consciously or subconsciously expect the person to stay a target.

They expect you to put your head down and take it…to just accept it, and if you even attempt to grow a spine, they will do everything in their power to break it.

Anytime a person, who has been a target of bullies over a long period of time, takes steps to take back their power, the unspoken message of the bully is this:

“No! Wait a minute! You’ve been a lowlife loser all this time, and NOW you decide to better yourself?” or “Whoa! You’ve been a doormat this long, so why NOW do you get uppity and decide to grow a spine?”

All of which translates to an even deeper message that says:

“Holy Crap! We’re not used to him/her being so outspoken! This scares us! We’ve tried A, now we have to do B, and if B doesn’t work, then we will have to resort to C to put this person back in his/her place and do it quickly before we lose our foothold on her and therefore, lose the benefits that we have enjoyed at her expense!”

This is because bullies are extremely frightened by change, especially a change in the power dynamic which has long been set. They and others want you to stay a victim because “it’s just the way things are done at this school.”.  Also, bullies benefit from your victimization, and they do not want to lose those benefits (social status, gratification, satisfaction, etc.)

Your bullies’ degradation of you has become a habit…a ritual…a tradition, so to speak. And your defending your right to be safe from harm poses the threat of change, and most people cannot easily accept change, bullies especially.

Furthermore, bullies believe that it is their right to abuse their target. Yes! They honestly believe that they have a right to mistreat the person because they assume that they have absolute authority over their victim and are entitled to inflict misery on him/her.

In the mind of a bully, you as the target do not have the right to undermine nor question their perceived authority over you. Others believe that you deserve the ill-treatment and that you owe it to them to put your head down and “just shut up and take it.”

If this does not tick you off enough to make you want to snatch your power back, I do not know what will. But before you can do so, you must know the inner workings of these types of individuals. You must be wise to what it is that makes this type of person tick.

You must get abreast on the psychology of the typical school bully, his/her background, motives, how and why the bully seems to escape accountability and a host of other important and possibly life-saving information.

You absolutely MUST address it early on, as soon as you begin to see a pattern forming. Do not make the same mistake I did and let it get so bad that you either fear for or want to end your own life.

How I wish I knew this back then!

Sanctuary in My Mother’s Arms

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My mother’s arms were the first to hold me.

My mother’s arms held me when I was sick.

My mother’s arms held me when I was cold.

My mother’s arms held me when I was scared.

My mother’s arms held me when I needed comfort.


In my mother’s arms, there was warmth.

In my mother’s arms, there was safety.

In my mother’s arms, there was refuge.

In my mother’s arms, there was security.

In my mother’s arms, there was home.

In my mother’s arms, there was rest.

In my mother’s arms, there was comfort.

In my mother’s arms, there was healing.

In my mother’s arms, there was strength.

In my mother’s arms, there was love.

 In my mother’s arms, was my sanctuary!

And still is!

No matter how old I live to be,

I’ll never outgrow my mother’s arms!

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom! I can never express the depth of my love and appreciation!

I love you! ❤

Also, Happy Mother’s Day to all the other wonderful moms in the blog world! Enjoy your day!

Bullying of a Particular Target Can Become Status Quo and Why You Must Assert Your Right to Safety

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The torment of a particular classmate or coworker can become a status quo or a habit­ if it’s not properly taken care of in the early stages.

Bullying of a certain individual is like cancer that grows and spreads. A bully scans the environment, seeking whom he can torment. When the bully spots a possible victim, they test the waters by way of small snarky comments, backhanded compliments, or anything which may cause the victim to feel uncomfortable.

The bully does this to see how the other person will react. If the individual on the receiving does nothing to assert their right not to be mistreated, the bully sees this as a green light for future bullying. Therefore, this individual has now become a target!

bullied singled out surrounded

Word soon gets around the entire school or workplace that this target is ripe for bullying, and others will join in. As time goes by, the torment becomes more of a regular, everyday occurrence. More and more people will bully the target, and the taunts and physical attacks become more and more brutal. The attacks then become harder to combat; thus, it becomes more difficult for the victim to either get help or protection.

The target’s victimization has now become the status quo with the student body or employees and the school or workplace. Others refuse to help the target either due to rumors and lies to discredit her or the widespread belief that, “Well, no one likes her anyway, so there has to be some justification to it.”.

The power dynamic has now been firmly put in place, and the status quo is maintained.
Finally, the victim feels trapped and is in constant misery and fear for their own safety.

Continued in Part 2…

Movies with Bullying as a Part of the Plot

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This is a great movie that’s drenched with woman-on-woman workplace bullying. The protagonist in the movie deals with catty coworkers and an entitled, demanding queen bee boss! This is a must see if you want to catch a sneak peak into the world of office politics.

 

This movie is about Clifford Peache, a boy who moves to a new school and gets bullied by Melvin Moody and his friends, who are meanest boys in the school. After taking a few beatings, his last resort is to hire a bigger, but troubled kid named Ricky Lenderman to be his bodyguard and the two become friends. But when Moody hires his own bodyguard, Mike, the heat gets turned to a boiling point. This movie ends with an explosion of fists and fury!

 

If you want to know what high school bullying looks like. Look no further than this flick. Regina George is the head bully in this movie and she’s a force to be reckoned with.

 

This movie is a hilarious teen movie with high school bullying in it. William Zabka, who plays the character of Johnny in “Karate Kid” plays the lead bully in this film. This movie has a few parts that are risque, so I wouldn’t advise letting children under 17 watch it. But I’ll leave that up to the parents to decide.

 

 

If you’ve seen The Karate Kid, then you’ll automatically feel horrible for Daniel LaRusso as he has many run-ins with bullies Johnny, Tommy, Dutch, and Bobby. But at the end of the movie, you will cheer for him. This movie has many scenes that will stir your emotions

 

The Breakfast Club is one of my absolute favorites! It’s a fun movie with a bully teacher who talks down to the kids who must serve detention by being stuck at school on Saturday. This movie is a reminder that every kid has problems, whether they’re rich, poor,  the prom queen, the jock, the nerdy bookworm, or the oddball.

This movie is based on Kenny Roger’s hit song “Coward of the County.” It’s about a boy named Tommy who promised his father, who died in prison, that he’d always walk away from trouble. But when his bullies take turns assaulting his girlfriend, Becky, Tommy is pushed to his breaking point and fists fly as he deals out the punishment to them for harming his Becky.

The Bullying of Private Citizens by News Media

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Gone are the days when the news media was true journalism. Gone are the days when the news media only went after those in power- high profile politicians and celebrities who committed crimes and participated in unethical behavior.

Today, the media no longer investigates people in power for wrongdoing. No.

Instead, they go after private citizens who give off even the slightest hint of “wrong-think.” In short, they come for those who are powerless. What they are doing is following the Saul D. Alinsky, “Rules for Radicals” playbook-

“Go after people and not institutions; people hurt faster than institutions.”

Big-time politicians and celebrities are, in a sense, institutions because they have so much power and influence. Many have their own businesses, fragrance lines, and other huge conglomerates.

Private citizens are now fair game for media journalists (or, more appropriately, propagandists). Why? Because they have the least power. They are powerless, which means, easy to take down- like taking candy from a baby- that kind of easy.

Nowadays, our media assaults, doxes, and harasses private citizens. Which is illegal!

Doxxing cyber bullying

And while they do it, their bully journalists claim themselves to be the real oppressed, the real voiceless, and the real vulnerable people and that criticizing or even questioning them constitutes bullying, which makes one wonder.

How do you cut through all the BS?

Simple. You look at the balance of power and you ask yourself, “Who has the most power? The media outlets or the private citizen?” 

Suddenly, the answer becomes clear!

Now ask yourself, this question: “Since bullies always- ALWAYS, have the most power, which is much more power than their targets, then which one is, in fact, the bully?”

Full Length of Two Adult Woman Standing Side by Side with Hands on Hips in Separate Lanes of Outdoor Running Track – Two Friends Sizing Up Competition

Again, the answer becomes clear as crystal!

Here are examples of media who bully private citizens.

1.”CNN threatened to expose the name and identity of a private citizen who created an anti-CNN meme unless he begged and promised not to do it again.” (https://greenwald.substack.com/p/journalists-attack-the-powerless)

2. “In March, The Daily Best decided to expose thee identity of a private citizen at Spring Break in Miami and detail his marital and legal problems because a video of him went viral due to his being dressed as the Joker and uttering ‘COVID Truther’ phrases.”(https://greenwald.substack.com/p/journalists-attack-the-powerless)

No photo description available.

3. “The same outlet congratulated itself for unearthing and exposing the real name of an African-American Facebook user whose crime was posting videos mocking Nancy Pelosi.” (https://greenwald.substack.com/p/journalists-attack-the-powerless)

So, be prepared, the bullying news media just might select you as it’s next target. They could come for you, me, or anyone else next!

Let’s quote Voltaire.

“To find out who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.”

I don’t have to elaborate any further.

If no one, especially private citizens, are allowed to criticize CNN, or any other mainstream news source, and, nor are they allowed to criticize certain politicians and celebrities, then who has the most power? Who, then, are the real bullies?

What the media are doing to private citizens is so transparent, you’d have to be comatose not to see it. Not even the word “disgusting” is an appropriate word for this. “Cowardly” is a more appropriate term.

What we are seeing is the rich and powerful pose as the voiceless, helpless, and powerless victims while they brand private citizens, who are truly powerless, as bullies.

It’s as laughable as it is appalling!

There Are Benefits to Not Belonging to a Clique

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Too many people put entirely too much importance on belonging to a certain clique. However, I want to assure you that you’re not defined by whether they are a member of one and why you’re so much better off.

There is something to be said for not belonging to any particular group because it allows you to have a great degree of freedom. Anytime you are a member of a clique, club, or group, some restrictions come with it, one of which is the unwritten rule against associating with anyone outside of that circle.

More often than not, if a member is caught talking to an “outsider,” that person runs the risk of being ostracized and ousted by the other members. In my experience, it just wasn’t and still isn’t worth being prevented from meeting new and possibly interesting and awesome people.

confident blonde teen standing in front of the clique

Also, by not belonging to a clique, you are afforded the freedom to think freely. When you are a member of a circle, your beliefs, attitudes, and opinions will most likely have to be the same as those in your group. If they aren’t, you risk being kicked out and/or worse, bullied.

Any unwritten rule that forbids you to associate with anyone outside of a group is utter hogwash! There is no reason why you should not be able to associate with anyone you choose. Also, no two people are the same, and you should be free to have your own opinions, beliefs, and attitudes. Do what makes YOU happy. Stop trying to please or impress your “friends.” Because if you have to suppress yourself to have or keep friends, these people are not friends.

freedom

Therefore, never allow a clique or your desire to be a part of one cause you to pass up opportunities to get to know great people, who might someday prove to be wonderful assets to your life!

And never allow others to restrict you from being your authentic self! If the clique cannot respect and accept your individuality, then you must ask yourself, “Are these people really worth my time?”

When Bullies Ask You Why-Questions

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“Why are you so stupid?”

“Why are you such a smartass?”

“Why do you ignore us when what we’re telling you is for your own good?”

“Why are you so ignorant?”

“Why are you so retarded?”

“Why are you so arrogant?”

“Why are you so stubborn?”

“Why are you such a loser?”

“Why are you such a jackass?”

Understand that these questions aren’t really questions. They’re only accusations made in the form of questions. Bullies are notorious for asking their targets rhetorical questions, which are questions designed to illicit a dramatic effect and to make a point, not necessarily to get an answer. These questions are only insinuations and innuendo.

They insinuate the target’s perceived lack of intelligence, sarcastic attitude, indifference, refusal to listen to reason, obnoxiousness, uselessness, and worthlessness.

The best way to counter these questions is to come back with something sarcastic. Here are some snappy answers to the above questions:

“Maybe it’s because I lose a few million brain cells every time I hear you speak.”

“Gee! Maybe it’s because morons like you bring it out in me.”

“Because you never know what you’re talking about.”

“Because people like you would make anyone who has to listen to your mouth ignorant.”

“Because listening to the trash that comes out of your mouth would make anyone retarded.”

“Because you talk a lot of nonsense.”

“Maybe because I’ve been around you too long and it’s rubbing off on me.” (answer to last two questions)

Always counter with sarcasm! Bullies’ hate being made a fool of and I guarantee that answers with some burn will take the wind out of their sails.

And the best part is that they just might leave you alone.

Reasons Why Teachers and School Officials Ignore a Bullied Student’s Cries for Help

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All too often, schools ignore reports of bullying and leave targets to fend for themselves. It was the same when I was being bullied in school. Any reports of the harassment either went completely ignored, were swept under the rug, or I was blamed for it. Here are the reasons:

They’re lazy. Conducting an investigation into the case of bullying is extra work. Most school officials do not want to make any extra effort in resolving a case of bullying. Often, they take the easy way out by either denying that there’s a problem or blaming the target. And when parents of targets get involved, the school staff may often label the parents as “the crazy mom/dad,” which is only a cop-out.

They’re afraid the bullies’ parents will retaliate. Bullying is a learned behavior, and many bullies have parents who are also bullies themselves. Many of these parents are self-entitled. They may also have powerful political connections in the town or on the school board. And the school staff know too well that disciplining “the wrong kids” could mean an end to either their jobs or their entire careers.

They’re afraid that the school’s reputation may be tarnished. Schools often hide cases of bullying to save face. They know good and well when a child is bullied; however, they may consider that child a threat and, in worse cases, ostracize the poor kid and tell him/her to “keep your mouth shut” to cover their own behinds.

They either don’t like or may even hate the bullied target. Believe me. I was hated by many of my teachers and other school staff, and they were supposed to be adults who were supposed to protect me. The thing is that when a person is bullied for a long period of time, so many rumors and lies have been spread about the person that their once good name has been destroyed, and yes! Teachers hear and believe the rumors too!

They even join in on negative gossip about the target. Understand that although, in reality, the targeted person may be one of the sweetest, most awesome people you may ever meet, the rumors and lies supersede the truth and keep the target locked in a prison of scrutiny and suspicion. Because of this, the target cannot be their true, awesome self because of the stress of being marginalized. In the minds of those at school, the target is “trouble.”

Also, because of having been bullied for so long, the target may react out of self-defense and exhaustion. This poor, tired kid has been harassed for so long that he really cannot help but react, and the bullies slyly use the reaction as further proof that the target is either trouble or crazy. Because of this, teachers and staff may think the worst of the poor, innocent kid.

They may also think that just because everyone seems to hate the target, there must be a reason that justifies it. In their minds, the target deserves what is happening to them. And when a teacher does not like a student, they may either refuse to help them or secretly take pleasure in seeing the poor kid suffer. Teachers and school staff are just as capable as the classroom bullies of hating and hurting students they deem undesirable.

This is why parents must stay proactive in protecting and advocating for their child even when it seems that the school isn’t listening. Let them know that you will not go away until the problem is solved. Go to the media if you have to.

Assure your child that his/her reputation does not equal character and that the bullies have the issues. Know there will come a time when your child will escape their tormentors and have true friends who love them for them. Constantly tell them that they are worthy of having friends and being loved. You might just keep your child’s self-esteem from completely tanking and even save his/her life!

You Can Either Let It Break You Or Let it MAKE You!

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Jealous Girls

Being the object of bullies is a hell that only a minority can comprehend. If you aren’t careful, it can very easily turn you from a kind and caring human being, to one of two things:

1. an angry, bitter. distrusting and mean-spirited person

2. a sad, sullen and withdrawn individual.

Bullying can either make or break a person. Sadly, so many people end up broken. But I want you to know that it doesn’t have to be this way.

If you continue to practice self-care, chances are that, although as painful as it may be, the bullying you suffer will not have as much of an impact as it would if you give up on yourself. So don’t – I repeat – DON’T give up! EVER!

Back-stabbing Colleagues

I’m living proof. I’m a very happy, healthy and successful adult. But if you knew me during high school, you never would’ve thought that I would ever make it as far as I have.

Bullying didn’t break me, it made me! I consciously chose not to let it break me and you too, have that choice.

Being bullied is never good. But it not only made me a stronger, more resilient and compassionate woman, it also motivated me.

It gave me the drive to pursue my goals and dreams. It gave me a purpose. That purpose is to spread awareness of the bullying epidemic, which seems to be sweeping the globe. It gave me the drive to become a published author and to be a voice for those, who are too afraid to speak out.

pain

If you have a dream, there will be people along the way, who will do their best to discourage you because if you flourish, it’ll be as if you’re holding a mirror up to them and showing them a reflection of their own pathetic lives.

No matter how others may treat you, you must continue to follow your dreams and do it because it makes you happy. Never dumb yourself down to make someone else feel better about themselves.

Instead, mute the voices of these toxic people and get them out of your life (if possible) as quickly as you can. Then, continue to go after and achieve your goals because life is too short not to.

You only get one shot at life. Make it count! Do what fulfills you and live life to the fullest! You can do it!