Don’t Be Afraid to Be Alone

I won’t kid you. Being alone can sometimes make a person vulnerable. However, being surrounded by negative people makes you just as vulnerable if not more so. Therefore, being alone can be much better than keeping company with spiteful people who only bring you down.

As difficult as it may be, sometimes you must weed out all these ungrateful souls who don’t see your worth to make room for more positive, caring, and loving people to come in.

Get rid of anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself and only keep company with those who love and respect you. Keep the people in your life who value your opinions, even when those opinions are strong.

If someone is not treating you like you deserve to be treated, never be afraid to let them go, even if it seems that they’re your only options at the moment.

Remember that we must do things that don’t feel comfortable and that are downright scary for any positive change to happen.

Positive change requires that we take risks!

Can Targets Protect Themselves Socially?

bullying ridicule

Yes, they can. There are many things targets can do to protect their social lives. Understand that social damage equals emotional pain. So, it’s essential that you do everything possible to protect your social life because when you do, you automatically protect your emotional health as well.

Here’s how:

  1. Establish relationships and make friends outside the bullying environment. If you’re being bullied at school, then make friends of kids that do not attend your school. If you’re bullies at work, make friends and forge relationships with people outside your place of work.
  2. Maintain distance from your classmates or coworkers. Get your social support elsewhere.

reputation name 

  1. Realize that your bullies, coworkers, and classmates aren’t the most important people in your life. They’re not the only people in the world who’ve ever known you or will know you in the future. They’re only one group of people who’s views of you are based on lies and false information. So, realize these people should matter the least to you. Your friends and positive relationships are outside that toxic environment and there will be more positive relationships to come. I promise you!

“But how do you forge new relationships and social networks elsewhere?” You ask.

  1. By joining interest groups, places of worship, clubs, communities, organizations, and taking classes. For instance, a kid is bullied in school. Although he may be intensely hated by his classmates, he could join a scout troop or a martial arts class and be very well-liked by all the kids there.

 An adult may be ostracized at his workplace but may join the American Legion, a Freemasonry group, or a church and find wonderful friends and a network of support in those places. The target may also advocate for a cause, take an art class, or join a music club.

Group of friends cheering with drinks at boat party

Group of happy friends cheering with wine and beers at boat party. Diverse men and women having drinks at sunset yacht party.

Just don’t tell anyone what you’re going through at school or at work. That stays where it belongs, in the bullying environment. Take time for them to get to know you. The only places that will be appropriate to bring up what’s happening at work are religious and therapy groups. But feel everyone out first. The goal is not to find a place to dump all your problems, but to find one where you’re valued and respected.

  1. Fake it. Appear calm and confident even when you feel like you’re about to fall apart.
  2. Don’t vent nor gossip. It will only make you look as bad as your bullies. You’ll also look unstable. Distance yourself from your bullies. It’s true that they’ll notice it and accuse you of being stuck up, anti-social, or standoffish. But what they think shouldn’t matter because your focus should be self-care. And self-care is of the utmost importance when you’re a target of bullying.

 

Self-Love Doesn’t Mean Self-Centered

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Some people get the two confused. Loving yourself doesn’t mean you’re self-centered. But you can bet that bullies will accuse their target of it when they realize she’s growing a backbone.

Understand that when you start loving yourself enough not to take your bullies’ opinions of you seriously, the bullies will take notice of it right away. They’ll realize that they no longer have power over you. To get that power back, they will try like the devil to guilt you by accusing you of either selfishness or self-centeredness.

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Don’t fall for that con game! When bullies lose the benefits they’ve grown accustomed to getting at your expense, they always get irate. Right or wrong, whenever someone has had power over another person for a long time and has gotten used to having that power, then suddenly loses it, of course, they’re going to be upset- and intensely so.

But don’t concern yourself with how your bullies feel. After all, they never gave a thought to your feelings the entire time they jerked you around.

Ditch these people! The sooner, the better! You’re not being selfish by choosing to put yourself first. What you’re doing is having the courage to love yourself and treat yourself better.

Hit the road concept, road - 3D rendering

Hit the road concept, road – 3D rendering

Realize that the bullies are the self-centered ones, in expecting you to go on being their doormat. No one has the right to expect you to put up with something they wouldn’t tolerate if it were happening to them.

To expect any differently from another person than what they’d do shows a complete lack of respect for people other than themselves and is sheer arrogance, self-entitlement, and stupidity.

There’s a name for this- double-standard!

Remember that we teach others how to treat us. And how we teach them to treat us is by how well we treat ourselves- by the boundaries we set, our ability to say “no,” and whether we continue to allow them to be in our lives.

So, treat yourself well! You’re worth it!