Tag: mental health

mental health

Why It’s Important to Report Bullying When It Happens to You

Leave a comment

 I can’t stress enough the importance of reporting the bullying you suffer if you’re a target. Yes, speaking out is scary and yes, it involves taking a huge risk of being retaliated against.

But understand that anytime your bullies retaliate against you for reporting them- anytime they seek to punish you for daring to open your mouth, it only goes to show that they’re only scared to death!

It also shows that they’re desperate, but, more than that, it shows that they’re guilty! Because if they weren’t guilty, they wouldn’t need to retaliate and they wouldn’t need to try and silence you.

Most people still haven’t caught onto this yet, but behind every bully’s retaliation for a target’s reporting their abuse is the fear of being exposed and the knowledge that they’re guilty.

Understand that, though members of authority and bystanders you speak out to may not want to listen to your pleas for help, the truth is that they can never unhear what you’ve told them.

And though they all may cover for the bully and deny they saw any bullying take place, they can still never unsee it. The important thing is for it to reach their eyes and ears.

Think about this. Warplanes always get bombarded with the most flack any time they’re flying over their target- this is when the battle is at it’s absolute worst! You see, the closer the plane gets to the target, the more the enemy will escalate their defensive attacks.

It’s the same with bullies, any time you’re over the target and pegging them on their BS, any time the bullies suspect that you’ve got their number, they will hurl all kinds of insane attacks on you. So, expect it, accept it, and, most importantly, prepare for it.

And if you ever find yourself in this kind of situation, don’t let them shake you. Always remember the warplane analogy and you’ll better withstand the onslaught. Even better, you’ll be able to call it out when it happens.

You’d be surprised how much easier it is to fight against something once you can put a name on it and explain it. A problem that you can put a name on and explain clearly is a problem you can more easily solve.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The Day the Laughter Died (In Memory of Robin Williams)

Leave a comment

Robin Williams Graffiti Tribute

Robin Williams was one of the best comedians of all time. My first memories of him were on the sitcom, Mork & Mindy before he went on to star in some of the best movies in the business. During interviews and appearances, he seemed to be happy and chipper, always having a good one-liner on hand to brighten any mood.

I remember exactly where I was, and I was doing when news of his death first broke. It shocked me to my core as it did millions of fans around the globe. Because of his happy and upbeat demeanor, he was the last celebrity I thought would ever commit suicide, and it only goes to show that this manner of death often comes with no prior warning signs.

Unfortunately, outward appearances can be deceiving, and just because someone may look happy, confident, and outgoing doesn’t mean that they aren’t privately battling the evil demon of depression.

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), close to 800,000 people die by suicide every year, which equals to one person every 40 seconds. It is the second leading cause of death among people ages 15-29. However, the elderly have the highest suicide rates, more than 50% higher than young people (www.factretriever.com/suicide-facts)

(www.who.int/mental-health/prevention/suicide/suicideprevent/en/)

One reason for the high suicide rate is that people frown upon mental illness. Because those unlucky enough to battle it fear others might judge them negatively and unfairly, they don’t admit that there’s a problem and refuse to get treatment.
Robin Williams was no different.

I can tell you that despite his fame and fortune, he was afraid of being judged. Being a man, came with the fear that society would revoke his proverbial man-card, as men are conditioned from infancy to be the pillars of strength, which is why suicide rates are much higher with males. Being a comedian, he was afraid of being discredited and possibly losing his career.

Because there is so much stigma which surrounds depression and mental illness, these were very legitimate fears. I have found that people judge those with mental illness worse than they do thieves and murderers, and it’s a shame.

What’s even more mind-boggling is that many of these finger-pointers also have some mental illness themselves or in their families. They only live in denial and point fingers to distract others from their own issues.

Yesterday marked the seventh anniversary of Robin Williams’ death. If someone as talented, vibrant, wealthy, and famous as Robin Williams can be stricken with depression or any form of mental illness, then anyone can at any time.
People suffering do not need your criticism or your pity. They need your support!

It’s time to stop hiding, stop passing judgment, and remove the stigma!

In Memory of Robin Williams

(July 21, 1951 – August 11, 2014)

It’s Hard to Feel Empathy When You’re A Target of Bullying

Leave a comment

Targets of bullying often get accused of being selfish and out for their own interests. However, anytime we are hurting so badly, the pain only blunts our capacity to feel for others.

Anytime a person suffers severe and relentless bullying for so long, their pain overrides any ability to empathize with those around them, who may also be hurting.

It’s like lying in the emergency room with both legs broken after a car accident. The pain is so intense that you could care less about the patient in the next room. All you’re thinking of is how soon a doctor will see you and order a pain reliever.

I tell you this because it happened to me. When I was a target of bullying in school, two girls in my class died in a horrific car crash during the eleventh grade, and as much as I hate admitting it today, I could not have cared less about it back then.

Naturally, I don’t feel the same today. Now, thirty years later, I’m sorry that happened to them, but at the time it happened, I had absolutely no feeling for the girls and even had the attitude that it had served them right and that maybe I’d get lucky and a few more bullies would drop dead soon.

I had been a target of the class for so long I just did not have it in me to care.

After a person endures bullying for so long, he/she becomes cold and unfeeling toward other people if they aren’t careful, and it will only bring about resentment from people who might otherwise offer love and support.

If you are a target of bullying in school or at work, never let it take away your empathy, kindness, and humanity. It won’t be easy, but there are ways to buffer your self-esteem from the effects of bullying and hold on to your sweetness.

Targets of Bullying at Risk of Becoming School Shooters (Part 3)

Leave a comment

(Continued from Part 2…)

As I mentioned in the two earlier posts, school shootings are at an all-time high today. This must STOP!

No matter how horribly you are treated, no matter how angry, sad or lonely you are, it is never okay to take a life. NEVER! Bullying and mental illness, although a cause, it is never an excuse! There is nothing- nothing that justifies killing another human being unless you have an intruder in your home and they are threatening your life and the lives of your family. Murder is wrong and there are better and more productive ways to handle being bullied.

Let’s put it another way: Anytime you bring a gun to school and shoot a bully who has tormented you, you automatically cease to be a victim and make them (the bully) the victim. Sorry, but it is what it is! When you kill someone, you no longer get to claim victimhood. That’s just how the world works. Instead, you make the BULLY the victim!

This is exactly what bullies want- to look like the victim in the eyes of others while sneakily torturing their targets and making them look like the bad guys. By shooting them, you only make it so much easier for them to do that.

Remember that bullies are masters at feigning victimhood, which is the reason they go unpunished while the target looks guilty. Your bullies have looked innocent and vilified you in the eyes of others for far too long!

Why then would you want to make them even bigger victims than what they already look like? They have already destroyed your reputation and shooting them would only confirm the lies they have spread about you as truth- that you really did turn out to be a despicable person.

Let’s look at it yet, a third way: If you shoot your bullies, their names will be engraved on a memorial at the school, while your name will be regarded with shame and contempt. You will go down in history as a disgusting and vile monster while your bullies will be remembered as either heroes or martyrs. Seriously! Is that what you want???

When you take the life of another human being, you not only put shame on yourself, but also your entire family! Do you really want to put the people who love you through that? Once you kill someone, you can never rectify it!

Nicolas Cruz didn’t think about this when he snapped and decided to go to Margorie Stoneman Douglas High School and shoot his classmates. Yes. He was a victim of bullying because he was considered “weird”. One of his classmates, Emma Gonzales even admitted to ostracizing him. Yes, his classmates should have reached out to him.

However, because he chose to handle it the wrong way by picking up a gun, the fact that he was ostracized is no longer relevant. That’s. Just. Reality!

If you shoot someone, nobody will care what your reasons were. And it’s the same attitude with Nicholas Cruz. Nobody cares that he was bullied. Nobody cares that he was pushed over the edge! And if you let them drive you to do something so counterproductive, no one will give a damn that they drove you to do it, truth or not!

Yes, bullying is a hell that only few can comprehend. I understand the intense rage which builds to a burning climax after having been dehumanized for so many years. I understand the feeling of hopelessness. Why? Because I’ve been there- in the trenches!

Trust me when I say, “I get that”. But! You must think before you act. You must keep your wits about you, no matter how difficult it may be.

Thinking ahead and of the possible consequences I would have faced and how it would have devastated my family and killed any prospects of a great future was what kept me from doing something which would have altered my own life and the lives of not only my classmates and their families, but also members of my own family as well.

With that said, I beg you! DON’T DO IT! If at any time you’re being bullied and you’re about to lose control, get help – FAST!

Instead, conquer your bullies by taking care of yourself and making positive changes in your own life. Transfer to another school and reinvent yourself if you must. It’s what I did!

Accomplish your goals and strive for self-betterment! It could be as simple as doing something you’re good at and winning an award for it, or making an A on a test!

Instead of picking up a gun, grab as many successes as you can reach. Instead of a gun, let SUCCESS be your weapon of choice! Because, as Frank Sinatra quoted, “being wildly successful is the absolute best revenge you can ever take” against a bully! I guarantee it!

It’s about self! Make it about you and what you can achieve! Forget those who don’t give you a thought! Screw ’em! Because they don’t deserve the privilege of being in your life anyway! Make a lot of money! Win a truckload of awards! Write a book! Cut a CD…whatever fulfills you! Grab as many successes and happy moments as humanly possible! That’s what you do when people refuse to see your value!

Create your own value with SUCCESS!

Targets of Bullying at Risk of Becoming School Shooters (Part 2)

Leave a comment

(Continued from Part 1…)

Sadly, school shootings have skyrocketed in the last twenty years. But what if I told you that each incidence could have been prevented? What if I told you that we CAN prevent the next shooting…before it happens?

In part 1, I discussed the issue of mental health in school shootings, which is often ignored by the masses. Many want to preach about the importance of gun control or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, gun promotion. However, they fail to discuss the root problems which too often lead to these tragedies- bullying and mental health.

Preventing future shootings is easier than you think. All it takes is to seek out the kids in your school, whom are bullied, ignored, marginalized, sad and alone. You have to admit that these kids are the easiest to spot.

I can guarantee that if everyone reached out to the kid who always sits alone in the lunchroom, to the kid known for having his face slammed into the lockers or flushed down the toilet, the poor girl who is constantly slut/fat-shamed, or the pregnant girl or teen mother who’s relentlessly being called a whore and gave them a kind word- an encouraging message of love, and them know that they still matter and have value, I’m positive that it would make a huge difference.

Kindness costs nothing. Just one kind word or gesture, just ONE, can be the difference between life or death, the difference between a senseless suicide or the will to live, and the difference between the decision to go on a shooting spree at school or to leave the gun at home and employ more constructive and productive means to handle bullying!

Think about it!

(To be continued in Part 3…)

Targets of Bullying at Risk of Becoming School Shooters

Leave a comment

With the many shootings which have happened, such as the Jonesboro, Parkland, and Santa Fe school massacres, it has been placed on my heart to write about something which needs to be discussed but, sadly, isn’t by many. It should be no surprise that bullying is almost always a factor in the uptick of school shootings, which have plagued our country for the last twenty years. Before we go any further, let me remind you that being bullied, no matter how severe, is absolutely no excuse for taking human lives, and I would never condone such an action!

However, many shooters have been victims of bullying, who were pushed to the breaking point. They finally snapped after many years of relentless and repetitive abuse by their peers and being rebuffed by school staff in their attempts to report bullying incidences and get help. Therefore, they resort to bringing a gun to school and leaving death and mayhem in their wake! The shooters then turn the gun on themselves to avoid prison, and the end result is that families and loved ones on both sides and entire communities are left devastated!

One such example is the Columbine Shooting in April of 1999. I have read many articles about this particular case. It was stated by many experts that the perpetrators, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, had for years been bullied outcasts, who’d only gotten fed up with the continuous negative treatment and finally went into a rage and lashed out, as have so many other victims since then. Again, I cannot stress enough how wrong and counterproductive bringing a gun to school really is, much less using it to shoot people! However, I believe there is something we’re missing here- the issue of mental health and bullying, which often leads to these tragedies.

Before the pandemic, school shootings had become so common that they’d become a political issue and fodder for the agendas of both the left and the right wings, with the left pushing for gun control and the right’s push to arm teachers and tighten school security. Although these certainly are legitimate issues that need to be addressed before the end of the pandemic and schools are fully functional again, it seems that almost no one is discussing the root cause of these shootings- bullying and/or mental health.

I believe that “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure”! Perhaps if we reach these bullied and at-risk youth and show them that they are not alone and that they matter just like everyone else, we will be able to save them from the possibility of becoming violent and, ultimately, bring down these horribly high statistics! I will explain this in more detail in part two.

(To be continued in Part 2…)

You Should Never Be Afraid of Conflict

Leave a comment

Let’s face it. Conflict is a part of life and something we all encounter at many points in our lives. Many targets and survivors of bullying are deathly afraid of conflict. Why? Because they’ve had so much of it forced on them in the past by bullies who just refused to let them be. Also, many targets and survivors are traumatized by the bullying they presently suffer or from past bullying.

Understand that these poor souls haven’t yet dealt with the hurts they still have, and they don’t yet know their worth and the good they deserve. Many targets and survivors of bullying suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Because of this, they’re still stuck in survival mode.

As a result, target’s cave in and give in to bullies to appease them just so they’ll shut the hell up and go away. And people do get tired of hearing self-entitled and self-indulgent bullies bitch, rant, and beat their chests when they don’t get their way.

So, the unspoken message is, “Look! Just take what you want and get lost!”

I can understand why targets and survivors end up being this way. It’s because a person gets exhausted when they’re constantly have to battle and struggle to take back their autonomy, their self-determination, their personal power, their safety, their dignity, and their right to exist. They get worn down, they get weary, and all they want is for people to leave them alone and let them have some peace.

However, this can become a problem. If you go out of your way to avoid conflict, people will soon mistake you for being weak and they’ll walk all over you. You must set boundaries. There are times when you must say no. There are even times when you may have to show your ugly side to get your point across and let people know that no means no and enough is enough.

Understand that this requires guts. It means you must step out of your comfort zone and take risks. You must risk hurting others’ feelings and making people angry. You must risk being lashed out at and retaliated against. Moreover, you must also risk losing relationships and no, none of it feels good.

In short, you must stand up for yourself and that means facing conflict.

Think of it this way, if you’re a target of bullying, you’re going to face conflict no matter what because people will bring the conflict to you. Hiding from it does no good because it will eventually find you. When you are a target of bullying, conflict is unavoidable and certain.

In other words, run from conflict and you’ll end up running from it for the rest of your life!

So, why not face it head on, better yet embrace it and stand up to people, then you can feel better about yourself later knowing that you finally grew a spine and told them where to shove it. You may face retaliation for it, but you would face it anyway because, right or wrong, bullies will always find some justification for attacking you.

Bullying Will Diminish the Target’s Ability to Trust Him/Herself

Leave a comment

Why? Because the target’s judgement, decisions, and feelings are constantly attacked, negated, and condemned by others. When a target is bullied, they’re taught that, although the abuse they suffer is painful, they either shouldn’t feel, or they have no right to feel that pain because they’re to blame for the abuse they suffer.

Targets are conditioned by bullies, bystanders, even people in authority, friends, and family to just suck it up and negate their own painful feelings. In that, they’re trained either not to understand or to deny their own suffering and that bullies and others are abusing them.

Targets are trained to believe that other people’s vile behavior is their fault and that something is wrong with them, otherwise the bullying wouldn’t be happening to them. Targets are also taught that everything that goes wrong is because of them. In short, they’re taught that the abuse they’re getting is somehow justified.

As a result, targets often withdraw because they become afraid that they’ll only attract bullies and bullying behavior from the people around them. As a result, targets are left feeling confused and inadequate.

Targets are made to think that:

They take things wrong.

They’re too sensitive.

They asked for it or had it coming.

There’s something wrong with the way they are.

There’s something wrong with the way they express themselves.

There’s something wrong with the way they come across to people.

Therefore, targets stop believing in themselves. Even worse, they lose trust in themselves, their abilities, and their capabilities. And once this happens, they become perfect victims for bullies.

Understand that targets suffer many attacks to not only their physical body, but also their psyche and their emotional being.

Even worse, their very souls are tired, their spirits broken, and they don’t understand their own pain nor why they feel it inside.

Being a target of bullying is a hell that no one who hasn’t been there can possibly comprehend. When you’re bullied, you’re in the fight of your life, and for your life. And when I say fight for your life, this doesn’t only means fighting to stay alive, although it can.

“The fight for your life” can mean fighting for your self- esteem. It can mean fighting for your personal power and dignity. It can mean fighting to keep your confidence up and self-esteem from being broken so that the abuse doesn’t affect your grades, performance (at school or work), or worse, your ability to make smart decisions and life-choices. You’re fighting to keep the abuse from effecting your entire future. Most importantly, you’re fighting to maintain your health and your sanity.

Because you’re very much aware that if you allow these people to cause you to lose any of the above, then you unwittingly give them power over your entire life and every aspect of it. You may not end up dead, but you won’t really live, you’ll only exist. And that’s no way to live!

No matter what happens, stay strong. Hold on to everything mentioned above, or as much of it as possible. And most of all, know that there are people out there who care.

When You Look into The Face of a Target of Bullying

Leave a comment

You see the anguish- the desperately yearning to belong.

You see the hopelessness and despair- the wondering if things will ever get better.

You see the fear- the knowing he/she could be physically or psychologically attacked at any moment, or many even killed.

You see the sadness- the wanting to cry but not daring to for fear of looking weaker than they already look to others.

You see the determination- the determination to survive another day.

You see the silent pleas for help- help that is being denied and seems to never come.

You see the lack of trust in humanity- because the person has been let down too many times. How can that trust be restored?

You see the exhaustion- the weariness of the constant battle they face.

Lastly, you see the yearning for peace- the desperately wanting the war to stop so they can relax, breathe, and not have to fight anymore.

Loving Yourself Means Loving EVERYTHING That is You

Leave a comment

It means loving every single part of yourself that you can do nothing about. What it doesn’t mean is loving some things about yourself and either hating or being ashamed of other parts. It means loving yourself completely- your entire self and all that you are- loving your whole being.

Whether you’re rich, poor, or middle-class, embrace it. It’s a part of who you are. Whether you’re Black, White, Hispanic, Jewish, or any other race, never be ashamed of it! Embrace it and love it because it too is a part of you.

Whether you have brown eyes, blue eyes or green; dark, red, or blonde hair; dark or light skin- love those things. Those are also a part of you.

Love your nationality, your country, your state, community, and neighborhood because they too make up the person that is you. Whether you are American or Japanese, British, or Indian, love and take pride in those things about you. Whether you’re from Texas, New York, or Nova Scotia, love those things too. Take pride in and love yourself, no matter your heritage!

Also, accept your past and be okay with it. If you grew up poor and made it out, don’t be ashamed. Be proud of it because it’s a testament to how far you’ve come. If you grew up in an abusive household, own that too because it’s proof that you survived and overcame. The same goes if you were once a drug-addict or alcoholic but now sober. Be not ashamed of those things, for those are things you’ve triumphed over. Even if you have a past of crime and imprisonment and have turned your life around, see it as evidence of how far you’ve come and use it to teach others.

Love yourself no matter your weight, height, or whether you have freckles, glasses, or braces- they too are the building blocks of you. If you’d like to change them and can change them, by all means, change them.

Lose weight if you like, get contacts if you don’t like the glasses, and look forward to beautiful teeth once those braces come off. That’s perfectly okay. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to become what you feel would be a better version of yourself.

But love the things you can’t change about yourself. Embrace yourself. Even better, celebrate yourself. Know that each of us is perfectly made, flaws and all!

Know that how you look, your past, your weight, height; eye, hair, and skin color; race, nationality, creed, upbringing, orientation, religion, values- each are the building blocks that make up the whole you. The only thing you should judge yourself on is your character.

So, if you know in your heart that you are a good person and have love to offer others, love yourself too. And do it for all that you are.

Remember that when it all comes down, no person is better than another. See yourself as neither superior nor inferior, but just as good as the next person. You are you and you love it!

Accept yourself

Love yourself

Believe in yourself

Take care of yourself

Know your value and your worth

Know that you are worthy of the best life has to offer!

Targets, You Can Take Away the Bullies’ Power by Re-Framing Your “Perceived” Weaknesses.

Leave a comment

You may wonder what I mean by that. Allow me to give examples:

  1. You’re a kind and easy-going person and bullies see those good qualities as a sign of weakness. You can use those traits to uplift and give support to other targets of bullies. In doing this, you will make great friends and allies and the more friends you have, the more chances are that bullies will think twice before bullying you. Remember that bullies always attack in groups because they’re weak and afraid when they’re alone. When you establish a group of your own, bullies will back down because you now have friends to back you up.

  1. You’re painfully shy and quiet and bullies mistake those characteristics for fear. You can use your silence to be a good listener when someone needs to talk. This too will gain you close friends because the other person will feel that they’re being listened to and that you care. Moreover, they will feel that you’re interested in them and who doesn’t love that!
  2. You have a small mole that bullies make fun of. Remember that Marilyn Monroe also had a mole just above her upper lip. But her mole was referred to as a beauty mark and it ended up being her trademark.

These are only a few examples. Find a way to re-frame what people see as weaknesses and you’ll be surprised at how quickly you take back your power.

With knowledge comes freedom!

Bullying People Perceived to Be Mentally Ill or Neuro-Diverse

Leave a comment

It’s comparable to racism.

Discrimination is discrimination, and prejudice is prejudice. It doesn’t matter who’s dishing it out or who is receiving it. The mentally ill and mentally disabled are still a minority; it doesn’t matter their sex, race, religion, or orientation. Even if you think that person is “crazy” and they happen not to be, you’re still guilty of discrimination, prejudice, and bias.

The mentally ill and disabled are favorite targets of bullies for several reasons:

1. They are different.
2. They are least likely to have the ability or know-how to defend themselves.
3. They don’t have the same protections as other minority or oppressed groups (racial minorities, women, LBGTQ, elderly, etc.).
4. Others flippantly disregard the mentally ill and disabled and do not see them as human.
5. They are least likely to be believed or taken seriously if they report abuse and victimization.

All the above leave the mentally ill and disabled most vulnerable, and bullies take full advantage! It’s no different than being a racial minority, a woman, a member of the LBGTQ community, or being a senior citizen.

In fact, it’s worse because other oppressed groups have more legal protections under the law than the mentally disadvantaged. Therefore, if you are a bully and you target these people, or you stand by and watch it happen without speaking out, you are no different than a card-carrying racist, homophobe, or misogynist!

There’s a term for this kind of bullying. It’s called Ableism!

Here’s something I’ll bet no one has thought of. If a person bullies these people, they probably are a racist, etc. They only hide it because it’s politically incorrect and against the law, and it’s not considered by society to be as evil or illegal to discriminate against those who are or are perceived to be mentally disadvantaged. The mentally ill are safer victims to bully, so they’re who bullies target.

Therefore, it would be safe to say that most bullies are racists and sexists at heart because bullies don’t accept anyone who is not like them. It doesn’t matter what the difference is.

The more you know.

4 Changes That Bullying Causes in Targets – Beware!

Leave a comment

dreamstime_xs_136342238

Once a person suffers bullying for so long, changes in the brain occur- changes that aren’t good. Here are these changes:

1. The target becomes exhausted and loses the will to fight back. Being bullied is extremely tiring. Bullies know this and deliberately wear their victims down to take the fight out of them and wrest control over their lives.

Although at first, the target may defend themselves and fiercely assert their rights to human dignity and respect, most bullies don’t recognize any human rights but only see self-defense and protection as an affront to their power. They then only double down- intensify the hatred until they mentally and physically exhaust their target.

dreamstime_xs_23226872

The target finally loses their will to fight back and acquiesces because he’s just worn slap out and no longer has the strength to fight anymore.

2. He loses the ability to recognize mistreatment. When we’re used to being treated well, we can more clearly see poor treatment and know the difference when it happens. But after so long of enduring bullying, the lines get blurred, and our eyes lose the ability to see aggression so clearly- especially if the hostility we face is subtle. We finally reach a point where we don’t recognize the bullying at all!

3. The target becomes conditioned to accept bad behavior from others. After so long, you come to believe what bullies tell you- that you’re a terrible person and that you somehow deserve to be treated shabbily.

dreamstime_xs_143896109

These damaging self-beliefs happen after the bullies, their followers, and bystanders have repeatedly prevented you from defending and taking care of yourself. They have, for so long, drummed into your head that you are worthless, useless, evil, mentally unstable- take your pick. They repeat the same lies over and over until they force you to believe it too.

4. The target begins to punish himself subconsciously. The victim does this by engaging in risky or self-destructive behaviors. He may hang with the wrong people and befriend those who only tolerate them. Targeted girls may participate in risky sexual behavior or having relationships with abusive partners.

dreamstime_xs_153202424

Understand that we must be vigilant to take care of our mental health and self-esteem if we want to avoid these results in the future. Make sure you have a friend outside of the bullying environment that you can talk to and that your family is supportive. Do things you enjoy and keep company with positive and uplifting people any time you’re away from the bullies.

Your goal is to balance the bullying you suffer by adding healthy and positive relationships and experiences outside the bullying environment. This balance will soften the blows to your self-esteem and provide a buffer to your bullies’ attacks.

Trust Issues and Why Targets Have Them

Leave a comment

dreamstime_xs_76913705

It’s not that targets don’t want to trust people because they do. They want so badly to be able to trust someone not to harm them or to turn on them.

Targets want so much to trust, to be able to relax and to be comfortable in social situations. Only they don’t know who to trust. Therefore, it’s much safer not to trust anyone- safer to put up walls and keep the rest of the world out.

Targets have, over time, built up invisible fortresses around themselves for protection. The problem with this is that these protective fortresses can become prisons and sometimes tombs!

dreamstime_xs_156142908

Here’s why this happens:

1. Targets of bullying have been outcasts for so long they don’t trust invitations to events. Even worst, they don’t trust people enough to even talk to them.

2. They get blamed for everything that goes wrong in the environment they’re stuck in.

3. They’ve been treated so badly that they’ve lost faith in humanity.

4. Bullies and their followers have, in the past, baited the target into trusting them somehow, all for the purpose of pulling a joke or prank on him. And the target can no longer risk being fooled again.

dreamstime_xs_66758207

Understand that people need human connection. And trust issues are a factor that re-enforces isolation and is no way for anyone to live. It’s a terrible existence and can sometimes create an opportunity for the target to commit suicide.

If you notice that your loved one is isolating themselves or is developing trust issues. It’s imperative that you lovingly talk to them, do a little investigating, and find out why.

Someone just might be bullying your loved one.