Let’s face it. Conflict is a part of life and something we all encounter at many points in our lives. Many targets and survivors of bullying are deathly afraid of conflict. Why? Because they’ve had so much of it forced on them in the past by bullies who just refused to let them be. Also, many targets and survivors are traumatized by the bullying they presently suffer or from past bullying.
Understand that these poor souls haven’t yet dealt with the hurts they still have, and they don’t yet know their worth and the good they deserve. Many targets and survivors of bullying suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Because of this, they’re still stuck in survival mode.
As a result, target’s cave in and give in to bullies to appease them just so they’ll shut the hell up and go away. And people do get tired of hearing self-entitled and self-indulgent bullies bitch, rant, and beat their chests when they don’t get their way.
So, the unspoken message is, “Look! Just take what you want and get lost!”
I can understand why targets and survivors end up being this way. It’s because a person gets exhausted when they’re constantly have to battle and struggle to take back their autonomy, their self-determination, their personal power, their safety, their dignity, and their right to exist. They get worn down, they get weary, and all they want is for people to leave them alone and let them have some peace.
However, this can become a problem. If you go out of your way to avoid conflict, people will soon mistake you for being weak and they’ll walk all over you. You must set boundaries. There are times when you must say no. There are even times when you may have to show your ugly side to get your point across and let people know that no means no and enough is enough.
Understand that this requires guts. It means you must step out of your comfort zone and take risks. You must risk hurting others’ feelings and making people angry. You must risk being lashed out at and retaliated against. Moreover, you must also risk losing relationships and no, none of it feels good.
In short, you must stand up for yourself and that means facing conflict.
Think of it this way, if you’re a target of bullying, you’re going to face conflict no matter what because people will bring the conflict to you. Hiding from it does no good because it will eventually find you. When you are a target of bullying, conflict is unavoidable and certain.
In other words, run from conflict and you’ll end up running from it for the rest of your life!
So, why not face it head on, better yet embrace it and stand up to people, then you can feel better about yourself later knowing that you finally grew a spine and told them where to shove it. You may face retaliation for it, but you would face it anyway because, right or wrong, bullies will always find some justification for attacking you.
0 thoughts on “You Should Never Be Afraid of Conflict”
Cherie, I am one of those who does not like conflict. I try to avoid it at all costs. While in treatment group sessions were about how to react on situations that are hurtful or aggressive.
It was how you addressed the other person. Never attack them personally, but rather attack by saying, ‘your action is causing me pain’. As most would call the aggressor things like, ‘stupid, ignorant and so on. I may not be relating it correctly, but I hope you get the drift of what I am sharing.
I understand where you’re coming from, Dwain. That’s why if an aggressor gets out of line, no we shouldn’t call them names, but we absolutely should either tell them something like, “I’m done with you.” or “I’m not having this conversation with you.” or “Get away from me.” That’s how you speak up. Avoiding conflict would be more like saying yes when you really want to say no. Or it would be ducking and dodging a person who’s seeking you out to bully. Sometimes, it’s best to face the person and stand up to them rather than running from them because they will eventually find you and you don’t want to run from someone for the rest of your life. That’s not really living. Standing up for yourself doesn’t mean attacking the person. It means letting them know under no uncertain terms what you will not accept nor tolerate.
I did the next best thing, I put 2500 miles between them and me. Here where I live I do not hang out around town. I basically associate with just my neighbors.
I no longer have any contact with the troublemakers in my family.
I’m proud of you, Dwain. And I’m so glad you’re putting your happiness ahead of people who have abused you. Wishing you many blessing! 😀
Thank you Cherie I greatly appreciate your kind words!
My pleasure, Dwain! 😀
This is so true! I used to be petrified of conflict. It took a while before I learned to stick up for myself. Nice post.
Thank you so much, Jim! 😊
I too was petrified of conflict once and all it got me was walked on. Bullies can sniff out fear like sharks can smell blood in the water from long distances.