Encountering Bullies and Bullying Behavior

When a target encounters bullies and their unacceptable behavior, he/she often feels dehumanized. They also feel canceled- erased- blotted out! To the bullies, the target’s feelings don’t matter because the target isn’t human to them. Understand that once the target is successfully dehumanized, it becomes much easier for bullies and others to brutalize them.

To the bullies, the target doesn’t exist. And trying to defend themselves against the brutality only leaves the target exhausted and run down. He/she also goes through severe mental anguish and intense emotional pain. Fear grips the target like a vice because there’s always a risk of a brutal physical assault.

Understand that bullies don’t want to hear or understand the target. They only want to hurt him/her and control their life- every aspect of it. All bullying behavior, whether subtle (such as a micro flash of contempt), or obvious (such as a fit of rage peppered with horrible names and expletives) only attempts to harm and control.

It doesn’t matter if the behavior is ridiculous and complete nonsense. When bullies have an outburst, they don’t see themselves as being ridiculous and irrational, even if others do. They see themselves as justified and right and the target deserving of persecution and being controlled.

With that said, I want you to see it for what it is- an attempt by the bullies to control, dominate, and harm. It’s an effort to take away the target’s power, autonomy, freedom, and happiness.

The more you know, the more empowered you are!

To All My Friends and Readers in the Blogging World

I hope this post finds you well and in good spirits. Due to an influx of readers and followers and my daily schedule, I try to schedule new posts a month ahead and to read 50 to 100 blogs, and interact with 50-100 bloggers per day.

During past week, I haven’t been very sociable this last week due to sickness. But know that you’re all on my mind.

Although I may pop in from time to time, I’ve been taking it easy. I plan to return full time the week of the 16th.  I love you all and feel so blessed to have your friendship.

I wish you all a wonderful week.

Why Bullies Turn Your Friends Against You

It’s especially painful when those you thought were friends suddenly go turncoat. It’s not the bullies who hurt you the most, it’s the betrayal from friends and the silence of the bystanders. Understand that during a smear campaign, your friends will be at the top of your bullies’ list of people they wish to win over to their side. They will also be the first people your bullies will go to. Here’s why:

  1. Bullies know that if they can get the people you care about and trust the most to turn against you, they’ll be able to strike a devastating blow! Having the bullies themselves, total strangers, or people you don’t care much about turn against you is painful, don’t get me wrong. But it’s much easier to take than if it’s someone you care about. Nothing hurts worse than having the people you love most and think highly of turn against you.

 

  1. By persuading your most cherished friends to turn against you, your bullies take away much needed social support. If they can isolate you from your friends, bullies know that you’ll become stressed and your performance and activities will take a hit. This will make it much easier for them to bully you.

  1. Your friends know the most intimate details about you and your life. Bullies know that if they can get your friends to turn against you, then they will have complete access to the most private details about you. Your friends will most likely know your deepest, darkest secrets and your weaknesses. They may also know about any future plans you’re making and anything you may have said about the bullies or anyone else in the toxic environment.

 

  1. Because bystanders may turn against you too. People will figure that if your own friends turn against you, then damn! You must really have it coming! You must have really done something lowdown and dirty!

They’ll think that maybe you slept with your best friend’s boyfriend or spouse. Maybe you stole from them. Maybe you emotionally abused their child. When others see that your own friends have turned against you, all these above possible reasons immediately come to mind. That’s the worst thing about being hung out to dry.

So, if your own friends turn against you, why would anyone else be fool enough to have anything to do with you?

I would definitely stick with my friend because I’d know what kind of person my friend is. But! To tell you the truth, if I didn’t already know the person in question, I don’t know how I would handle it. If the targeted person was a total stranger, I don’t know if I would want anything to do with the person either. I’m only human and I make mistakes like everyone else. And my first priority is keeping myself safe, as it would be any bystander.

It hurts me to have to admit that. I would hope that I would be able to see through the smokescreen. I think that I would be able to quell my own fear and try to get the facts before judging the person- I would try to do that. But if there was no way I could find the truth, I would stay away from the person out of concern for my own safety and not because I hated them for no reason. We all hope that we would be able to do the right thing.

This is how people get thrown under the bus. Know that bullies understand how it works and they will play it to the hilt. Here’s another thing I want you to understand about your bullies:

If you are a target of bullying, no amount of pain you suffer will ever be enough for your bullies. They will always want more suffering- more, more, and more! Bullies have an obsessive bloodlust for their victims and their hunger for the victim’s pain will never be satisfied. Please keep that in mind if someone targets you for bullying and handle the bully accordingly.

The key here is to know what to expect and prepare for it. Only then will you be able to strategize and outflank them. Also, realize that if people do turn against you, they never were your friends, to begin with, and you must refuse to associate with them for your own protection and dignity.

Why Bullies “Need” Their Targets

It’s because bullies need scapegoats. The use of a scapegoat is nothing new. People have used them for many millennia! During the Medieval Period, scapegoats were often used by kings to make sure the monarch’s hands stayed clean- or at least looked clean.

Back then, it was common practice to execute scapegoats for the wrongdoings of kings. Blaming them, then putting them to death kept the scapegoats quiet and the kings above reproach, unquestioned, and smelling like roses. Bullies do the same today, only in different ways.

Bullying and scapegoating go hand in hand.

The purpose of scapegoating is to force another person to accept blame for sins, which you, yourself, are guilty. Sadly, the person blamed is often innocent. Even sadder is the fact that he’s usually the one least likely to fight back. The person is then punished and sacrificed.

Bullies are notorious for refusing to accept blame for any wrongdoing or mistake. So, they search for the most convenient person to lay blame on- their target. And what’s the victim going to do about it?

The ability to transfer guilt to their victims gives bullies immense power. Understand that bullies depend on appearances to maintain their fake facades of gleaming-white perfection. Well-seasoned bullies must appear to be god-like at all times.

They’re very much afraid that if they don’t keep up this pathetic charade, they’ll lose their power and with it, the foothold on their targets. What better way to maintain that power than to scapegoat the target?

“Blame so-and-so for my shortcomings by pointing out his!”

“Blame so-and-so for my imperfections by distracting others’ attention to his!”

“Blame so-and-so for my despicable behavior by claiming he did something to deserve it!”

“Blame Joe Blow for my pathetic incompetence and stupidity by saying that he caused me to screw up!”

“Blame so-and-so for any tiny thing that goes wrong, and I get to hitch a ride on his back to move up!”

A selfish man walks the heads of people as on the steps to the highest post behind the crown. Conceptual scene is a narcissistic and selfish person

“Because I’m number one, and Hell will freeze over before I give that up! And blaming so-and-so is so easy it shouldn’t work!”

I want you to realize that bullies, bystanders, and friends will scapegoat a target of bullying for one reason and one reason only: He has the least power to fight back!

Targets are often either naïve or exceptionally intelligent and pose the biggest threat to the bullies’ positions. If the victim is naïve, bullies will exploit his naivete to the fullest because they know that naïve people aren’t taken seriously. Also, the naïve tend to overdo their claims of innocence. And people often mistake it as a sign of guilt.

Intelligent targets, bullies will undermine and wear down with constant smear campaigns, exclusion, and personal attacks. Also, smart victims will often overdo being calm, and relaxed, which can also be mistaken for guilt, because people will assume that his keeping it together is only an act and that he’s hiding something.

blame point fingers

Here’s another reason bullies need targets. They need someone to make responsible for their negative feelings- feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, and hurt. And when they make the victim responsible for their bad feelings, the target becomes the offender who must be punished and eliminated.

To combat their negative emotions, bullies demand that their targets show them respect at all times- even while they’re abusing them. They also have the attitude that the victim should do whatever they tell them to do and make them feel powerful.

In short, bullies need the target to use as a dumping ground for all their mental and emotional issues.

Here’s a third reason, bullies and bystanders need a bottom rat to ensure that they themselves don’t end up on the bottom. If you’re a target of bullying, they need you to stay on the bottom and will go out of their way to keep you there. Any pecking order needs whipping boys (or girls) – easy victories for the higher-ups to collect.

If you are a target of bullying, I want you to understand that bullies consider it to be of the utmost importance that you stay on the bottom and you make them look good and like the innocent party. When they brutalize you, everything must appear as if you had it coming – that they were wronged or betrayed by your stupidity, incompetence, or evil.

If people are using you as a scapegoat, the best you can do is to get out of the environment. Just pick up and leave. Only then will you be able to preserve your dignity, your sanity, and your life.

20 Things to Remember When You’re a Target of Bullying

  1. None of the bullying you suffer is your fault.
  2. There is nothing wrong with you.
  3. You don’t have the issue. Your bullies do.
  4. It’s not about you. It’s about them.
  5. You are enough.
  6. You matter.
  7. You have value.
  8. You are worthy of love and friendship.
  9. You are beautiful.
  10. You are awesome.
  11. You are stronger and braver than your bullies ever will be.
  12. The things your bullies ridicule now will be the things people will love you for later.
  13. You can do a lot more than you think you can.
  14. Much bullying comes from either jealousy, fear, or insecurity.
  15. You’re much smarter than they give you credit for.
  16. You are here for a great purpose.
  17. You still have people who love you and who believe in you.
  18. The best are always treated the worst.
  19. You are more powerful than you realize.
  20. It may not seem like it at present, but life will eventually get better.

Women Who Date Lowlifes

Throughout my lifetime, I’ve known many women who seemed to pick shady and nasty characters to date. I’m talking about smart and beautiful women who you know can do better if they’d be a little more selective!

I’ve found that many of these women date no-count losers who don’t treat them well. I’ve seen their partners degrade these poor women and try to control them. Many of these partners are either broke, jobless, or working dead-end jobs.

Several of these bad partners and spouses are in and out of jail and who always have their women post bail for them. And this becomes a cycle. Even sadder is the fact that many of these smart and beautiful women either move in with or marry these losers, then end up having to keep these scrubs up!

These women will pay their partner’s bills and try to make life easier for them, only to be disrespected by them later.

Let me give you my opinion here. And this opinion may tick a lot of people off, but I’ll say it anyway.

Unless they are sick and can’t work, any significant other who lives off a woman or works and spends the money on themselves rather than contributing to the home is a sorry sack! That’s how I view them. Still, many smart, talented, and beautiful women end up with just the type.

But why?

It’s because many of these women have low self-esteem. They’re blind to their beauty, intelligence, and strength. They’re afraid of being alone and don’t think they can do any better than these worthless partners. So, these women take what they think they can get and settle for so much less than what they deserve.

denial willful blindess self-deceit, willful ignorance

Also, these women think that they can change the person or that the person has “potential.” So, again, in order to keep from being alone, they delude themselves into thinking that their partner is just going through a rough patch and that, eventually, they’ll do better. This is wrong and ends up dragging the poor woman down too.

It happens all the time. Smart and beautiful women resort to dating beneath their own standards to ensure they have a partner. Understand that these women have the attitude that “anything is better than being alone.” So, they’re willing to put up with shabby treatment, spend all their hard-earned money to keep these creeps out of jail and do without just to keep a romantic partner.

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be alone than to put up with some lazy piece of crap who does nothing but keep me stressed out and broke. I can do bad all by myself! I don’t need help from some scumbag.

I realize that life can be tough and we all get down on our luck sometimes. It happens. So, if you have a partner who’s striving and has lost their job, by no means am I suggesting that you leave because things happen that are beyond our control. And chances are that a person who really wants to do better will eventually. But if your partner doesn’t bother to try, you may want to consider other options.

So, if you’re in either of these types of relationships, know that you owe it to yourself to leave the toxic relationship and to be more selective. Know that you’re worth it and if the other person can’t get their act together, you have every right to show them the door. The last thing you should do is to waste any more time with a partner who doesn’t value you or the good you bring to their life. So, don’t settle or continue a relationship with someone who only takes you for granted. Find someone who values and cherishes you. Don’t you think you’re worth it? I do.

Later, I will post about men who date toxic partners.