How Many People Go to Their Graves Never Realizing Their Confidence and Potential

There are many people in the world who are broken children and never realized their true potential or their value. Perhaps they were abused at home or bullied in school. Maybe some jealous bully in their lives made it their mission to bring these people down because their confidence was a threat to the bully’s overinflated ego. Whatever the case may be, other people attacked their confidence and goodness at some point during their childhoods and gave them an evil gag gift of insecurity. And they carried this heavy gag gift into adulthood.

These people were wounded so deeply that they were never again the same. Many became bullies because they felt that the only way they could feel good about themselves was to make someone else feel inferior. Sadly, feeling good by these types of means is only temporary and it wears off quickly.

And once it wears off, these people must deliver another put down to get back that ego boost. Because their spirits were crushed, they now have an insatiable need to crush the spirits of others to feel whole again.

It takes a miserable and broken person to go through life putting others down to feel good about themselves. It takes a person who lacks confidence and doesn’t realize their own potential to attack the confidence, goals, and dreams of another. Instead of working toward their goals, practicing self-care, and using their intelligence and merit to achieve confidence and self-actualization, they take the easy way out and achieve it through such superficial means as tearing some poor soul down.

Again, understand that these superficial means are only a temporary fix.Β  But legitimate means, such as working on and cultivating your dreams can last a lifetime.

With that said, I have to wonder just how many people have wasted their entire lives taking this toxic path. How many people have died while weighed down with a mountain of insecurity? How many people have carried their anger, bitterness, and hatred to their graves? And how many people have gone to their graves without realizing confidence and their true potential?

Honestly, this is something that I don’t want to know because the answer just might be that it’s a vast majority of the people who are lying in the cemeteries around the world. There are millions upon millions of tombstones engraved with the names of people who had great ideas and dreams but never worked toward them because they allowed another person to cause them to underestimate and undervalue themselves. And sadly, their ideas and dreams, which could’ve made a positive difference not only in their lives, but in the lives of others and in the world, died on the deathbeds with them.

Any sane person should shutter at the thought that this could be them one day. It certainly scares me to death just knowing that I could’ve died never knowing my worth nor potential. It would have been a complete waste!

Understand that life is only a one-shot deal. There are no do-overs. If you are a bully who must use superficial means to feel whole or a target of bullying who feels useless, you must realize that as long as you’re still breathing, you still have a chance to change your ways and to realize the value you bring to this world. You still have a chance to find confidence and reach your potential. You still have a chance at reaching your higher self.

It won’t happen overnight and neither will it come easy. Nothing positive ever does. In fact, it may take years or decades and there will be forces in this life that will fight against you in the forms of toxic people and adverse circumstances- the devil doesn’t like positive change. But better late than never. And better hard-won than never. Don’t wait until it’s too late. And don’t put it off until tomorrow because tomorrow may never come for you.

Find a way to turn your pain into power- legitimate power- the type of power that isn’t harmful to another person. Find the will to turn your trauma into triumph. Began doing the inner work needed to better your spirit. Most importantly, do it while you still can. Make the rest of your life the best of your life.

The time is now.

With knowledge come empowerment!

0 thoughts on “How Many People Go to Their Graves Never Realizing Their Confidence and Potential

  1. aparna12 says:

    A very interesting and thought provoking post. I really feel sorry for those who died in vain to escape from the bullies. It’s high time to stand up against bullying. You are doing an excellent job of creating awareness about the bullies and tackling them.

  2. utahan15 says:

    but i hate the word potential
    it s only a moment for me to foment my anger rage and frustration
    so do not ever go there
    some do
    but it does not change the fact that life among persons
    is a popularity contest’
    ‘good post
    tho i mostly
    bristle and disagree with you

  3. shoutyourheadoff says:

    I know someone and I’m sure someone else know one and so on. A personal experience of a family member going into withdrawal within, losing all bubbliness, liveliness and who was super confident has been reduced to mental health issues. Probably due to some kind of abuse or control. This is a worrying situation which is not easy to deal with one that person doesn’t accept help and so they can end up in their grave without achieving their full potential.

  4. foguth says:

    Crazy question, but you’re the expert on bullies, so IMHO you’re the one to ask. For the past couple years, we’ve been seeing very controlling leaders tell us what we may and may not do – sometimes give a little something, only to take it away… Is this merely a tyrant OR are tyrants basically bullies?
    Told you it was a crazy question πŸ˜‰

    • cheriewhite says:

      It’s not a crazy question, Jeanne. It’s actually very legitimate. And yes, tyrants are bullies. In fact, they’re one and the same. Remember that bullying is about taking away someone else’s personal power as is tyranny.

  5. Kim says:

    I am just new, but I find your blog quite honestly refreshing. Today’s post makes me think on my toxic troubled upbringing. I was brutally abused physically and mentally neglected by an a Narcissistic Mother even before I was born and escaped home and started my career path after highschool. It has not always been easy and triggers have emerged in recent years, BUT I have never been a bully or vindictive considering ALL I have been through. I am not at peace yet or rich πŸ˜‰ & am still on my path but I would never- even to my current bully boss- seek to retaliate… and trust me many would. No, Karma is out there. S/he has the final say on that matter. I will seek to turn all my trauma into triumph. Onward!! Thank you!

    • cheriewhite says:

      Oh, Kim! You don’t know how my heart goes out to you. I’m so sorry you were treated so badly by someone who was supposed to love and nurture you. I can tell just by the words and tone of your comment that you are a very brave young lady and I’m so proud of you for forging your path in life and refusing to let the abuse you endured cause you to carry anger and hate. You are a rare gem, sweetie! Do you know why? Because you choose to let your past suffering make you better and not bitter. Know that you have my love, support, and utmost respect. <3

      • Kim says:

        No point in being bitter! So I am aiming for better! Now how do I apply for a new job without any substantial references? I have assessment docs that are glowing, but my current boss who was a previous boss will not give me a positive reference and turn over is high in our board. Educators usually cannot jump into new divsiions without them. Colleague endorsements don’t seem to be of great value in teaching. I am almost 30 year veteran in education, but remain young at heart and my approaches. Thank you for your response!

        • cheriewhite says:

          You’re most welcome. I’m so sorry you’re being bullied by your boss, Kim. I read about so many instances where teachers are bullied amd it’s usually the best teachers who truly love children who are targeted. I believe it’s because they outshine the teachers who are bullies, therefore, it has to be motivated by jealousy. I wish I could tell you a way to get around these barriers you mention, but I’m afraid I don’t have any answers, other than to document the bullying you suffer using the 5W rule and, if your state has a one-party consent law, taking a recording device or wear a concealable body camera to record the bullying.

          You say you’re planning to apply for another division. You could stress that you have glowing reports other than the one your current boss gave you and it should be evidence that he has the issue and not you. These are only possible suggestions but I hope they help.

          • Kim says:

            I am so enjoying your blogs- I am looking forward to perusing back and checking on topics of interest as well. I am not in the US and I may not record a bully boss or a condesending colleague without consent. Maybe it is something I should start tossing out so that they remain above board. You were super helpful- I really liked your suggestion at the end. More helpful than my union! Gracias! Merci! Thank you, Cherie!

          • cheriewhite says:

            You’re most welcome. And you can document each bullying incidence to establish a pattern. Be sure to include WHAT happened, (WHO) the names, positions, and titles of who was involved, the names, positions, and titles of any bystanders and witnesses present, WHERE it happened (bathroom, parking lot, ect), (WHEN) the exact date and time of bullying incident, and WHY it happened (was if retaliation for reporting a prior bullying incident?). And if possible, HOW it happened.

            This is how you do your own investigation and gather your own evidence. Don’t trust them to do it for you. Schools say they’ll investigate but it’s only lip service to pacify you.

            I wish you the best, sweetie. Blessings to you. πŸ’–πŸ’πŸŒΉπŸ¦‹

  6. CareTrain says:

    This is why I think we need to tell and talk (positively) about people we admire. Tell them what we admire, like about them. I have even gone back and told people before that growing up I had crushes on them (Even if they didn’t know it at the time etc). I think it is important to let people know you like what they stand for, things you like about them, even telling them they have or had qualities you were at one time (or even now if you are single) interested in. All of them makes people know their worth. We live in a world of criticism and people are just mean. It is nice to say or do nice things for great people.

    • cheriewhite says:

      You’re tight with everything you mentioned here. These people may never know we like or admire them unless we tell them. And you never know, some of then may desperately need to hear it. Thank you so much for your thoughts on this! I so appreciate them! πŸ’–πŸ•Š

    • Kim says:

      Ya, ya! I make a point now of telling people because as I get older I am more aware that the opportunity may just pass us by and so I do! When I see something admirable, I will slip that person a text, or email. I have learned it is more meanful and honest in writing because of my toxic work environment with a bully boss who bestows empty praise as a ploy to manipulate me into doing his bidding.

    • Rachel McAlpine says:

      Yes, this is a good thing to do. Not only for the person who receives a little boost, but for the person giving the feedback. Maybe more so. It feels so good. And once you get t the hang of it, it’s so easy!

  7. Kym Gordon Moore says:

    Girl, this message is so spot on. 🎯 I read a book by Myles Munroe called “Understanding Your Potential” where he stated that the richest place on earth is found in the cemetery, because so many people never used their full potential to share their gifts and talents with the world. He noted that there are potential writers, artists, etc. buried there not having used their gifts they were blessed with. Great post girlfriend. Sorry to respond so late. It was a pretty full day ladybug! Enjoy your evening no matter what! πŸ˜πŸ™πŸΌπŸ˜˜

  8. Angry Bird says:

    I just realised that I also wrote about this thing i.e. victims of bullies losing their confidence in general thereafter..I hadn’t read this post of yours by that time.. It’s amazing that we share mind about many things related to bullying n its effects..
    Great job as always.. I always always love reading what you write..and appreciate it so much by heart n mind.. blessings n more power to you.. πŸ‘ŒπŸŒΉπŸ’–πŸ’«β€

  9. hilda5462 says:

    There is no bully worse than the one that many of us carry around INSIDE, I think one of the worst parts about being bullied by another person is that it often seems to resonate with this internal, negative, distorted and incredibly persistant inner voice. Fortunately there is evidence based treatment out there to overcome such things and we can rewire out thoughts over time using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and such

    • cheriewhite says:

      I couldn’t agree more, Hilda! The bullying we suffer always activate that inner bully inside our heads, even long after the bullying has stopped! It’s sad! And you’re right, it takes CBT to get rid of those voices and a lot of practice, practice, practice!

    • euroktoo says:

      Hey Hilda5462- I agree! That negative self -talk sometimes seems to be on repeat and it is so important to break that soundtrack. I have found for adults with complex PTSD from childhood that EMDR is a powerful way to eliminate bad tracks and cut to a more upbeat and positive playlist.

  10. Kathlyn Tsang says:

    Good message here. But many people are afraid to trust anyone because someone they trusted betrayed them badly. Many have become bitter and cynical because of the past. I find it’s only a few who dare to risk trusting again. The majority, unfortunately, dare not step out.

    • euroktoo says:

      I try to live by the words made famous by Susan Jeffers: Feel the Fear and do it anyway!
      But today I feel like there is no trust and am overwhlemed yet I know I want to try to shake it off. Gonna change my state by listening to jazz, baking cookies and taking a hot bath. Yep, trust restoration is hard.

  11. Arun Singha says:

    You are always giving me strength and encouragement πŸ’ͺπŸ’ͺ
    Invisible power is protecting me.
    That power will surely destroy the demon teasing me every now and then πŸ˜‚
    Accept my regards πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™

  12. Arun Singha says:

    Instead of working toward their goals, practicing self-care, and using their intelligence and merit to achieve confidence and self-actualization, they take the easy way out and achieve it through such superficial means as tearing some poor soul down.

    Exactly! πŸ’― Percent True

    • cheriewhite says:

      I’m sorry to hear this. It’s never too late to throw off the needless worry though- as long as you’re still here. And you deserve to spend the years you have left in peace!

      • fgsjr2015 says:

        Thanx. Sometimes I’ll receive suggestions to “get therapy”, as though anyone can access it, regardless of the $150-$200+ per hour they charge.

        For me, even worse is the fact that payment is for a product/transaction for which there’s only one party that is always a winner β€” the therapist’s bank account.

        • cheriewhite says:

          Right! I’ve learned that the only way to heal is to try and create enough positive experiences to balance out the bad. I’ve been to therapy before and it does help, so I won’t completely discount it. However creating and having enough positive life experiences worked best for me and I think it can work for others as well.

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