Month: May 2020
The Beady Eyes of a Bully
The beady eyes of a bully watch you closely
Piercing through your body and soul
As She stalks and follows you morosely
Seeking sneaky ways to keep you from your goals
She desires to scare you
She’ll snare you
And stare you down
She feeds on your fears
Laughs at your tears
She’s hungry for power
Because inside she cowers
Bullies are weak
It’s why they seek
Only the meek
To beat down and to break
The beady eyes of a bully
Your name, she will sully
Beware the eyes of a bully
Anti-Bullying Song of the Day – “Caught in the Crowd” Kate Miller Heidke
Delving Deeper Into the Bully’s Psyche: The ‘I’ in Bullying
Anytime you are the object of a bully’s hostility, it really isn’t about you. It’s about them. Here are things bullies tell their targets and the real meaning behind it.
“You’re fat! You’re ugly! You’re weird, stupid,” etc.
What is the meaning behind it? It depends on the circumstances. If the target is overweight, the bully is only pointing it out to make themselves feel better. What the bully is really saying is,
“I have flaws that I’m afraid are worse and more noticeable than yours. So, I’m going to point out your flaws to distract everyone’s attention from my own.”
“You Snitched on me! Now You’re Going to Pay!”
Here’s what the bully is actually saying.
“You exposed me and got me into trouble! You made me look like the bully that I really am! You outted my true personality and humiliated me! So, I’m going to get back at you for it!”
“You think you’re so smart, cute, cool, pretty,” etc.
Here’s the meaning behind it.
“Your good qualities overshadow mine! I’m living in your shadow! Your talents and natural gifts are better than mine, and you’re getting more attention than I am! You make me feel inferior to you! So I’m going to put you in your place by crushing your self-worth! I’m going to convince you that you’re not that important and make you too afraid to show your good qualities! Then I can shine!”
“You make me want to…”
Anytime a bully mistreats you and says that you make them do it, they’re only telling you,
“ I’m afraid of being unmasked and being held responsible for my horrid behavior, so I’ve got to blame you so I can be let off the hook and leave you holding the bag! If I can make you look like the bully, I can keep on screwing with you anytime I want in the future because no one will believe you if you snitch on me again!”
“Nobody Likes You!”
What the bully is really saying:
“Nobody likes me either. They only pretend to. So I’m going to make you think Nobody wants you to crush your confidence! Then hopefully, you’ll withdraw from people and self-sabotage your own relationships!”
“I don’t like you!” or “I hate you!”
Here’s what the bully is really saying:
“You make me feel inferior! You intimidate me! You outshine me in some way! You have what I want and can never have! So, I’m going to hoodwink you into believing you did something to cause me to dislike or hate you and, hopefully, ruin your self-esteem!”
Bullies have big egos. It always goes back to them. Bullies are all about “Me,” “Myself,” and “I.”
Understand that anytime a bully says these things to you without being provoked? The most likely reason is jealousy, and that they see you as a threat to their popularity.
Always remember that if this happens and leaves you bewildered, wondering what you did to deserve it!
Bewilderment is always your first clue!
Quotes About Bullying, Haters, Creeps, Jerks, and Mean People
“Hate is too great a burden to bear. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated.” – Coretta Scott King, widow of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
“Don’t hate what you can’t imitate!” – Unknown
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt, former first lady and diplomat
“Haters are my motivators.” – Nicki Minaj, American rapper and singer-songwriter
“Hatred makes us all ugly.” – Laurell K. Hamilton, American writer
“Haters never win. I just think that’s true about life because negative energy always costs in the end.” – Tom Hiddleston, English actor
“There’s a certain logic to avoiding haters, but as a strategy, it’s utterly flawed. When you turn off the feedback, you lose the benefits as well as the drawbacks. It’s like having a sore finger and cutting off your arm.” – Rob Manuel, American digital artist
“The haters always scream the loudest.” – Tucker Max, American Author
“Something about winning attracts losers with opinions.” – Unknown
“Haters are cowards. When confronted, they often back down. We must resist haters.” – Janet Reno, former U.S. Attorney General
“I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.” – Booker T. Washington, American author and civil rights leader
“Make your supporters proud and your haters jealous.” – Unknown
“It is only out of ignorance that people are cruel because they don’t think it will come back.” – Maya Angelou, American writer
“An open enemy is better than a false friend.” – Greek proverb
“Always give your best. Never get discouraged. Never be petty. Others may hate you. But those who hate you don’t win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself.” – Richard M. Nixon, 37th U.S. President
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss
Anti-Bullying Song of the Day – “Hopeful” by Bars and Melody
Never Let Bullies Tell You What to Do
Targets should never give in to their bullies’ demands nor requests, no matter what. And they should never let their bullies talk them into anything. I know, I’m one to speak because many times, years ago, I caved in.
However, knowing what I know now, I’d take a beating before I’d give in to them because I realize that I’d more than likely have to take a beating anyway. Bullies are known for constantly changing their rules and demands to fit their needs and narratives.
Understand that bullies may give you empty promises and false incentives. They may sweet talk you, or they may threaten you with even more exclusion, more smears of your name, and more bullying.
But here’s the thing. Here’s something that targets don’t think about:
You can’t lose something you never had. Your bullies already hate you, and they already want to hurt you. So, it’s not like you can lose any ground with them because you never had it in the first place.
So think about it. Dig deep and think.
Envious of What?
When I look back today, I can see so much clearer. I never needed friends like those. However, when it’s happening, you don’t see so clearly. Being in the middle of a storm can obscure your vision and cloud your judgment, causing you to feel things that are entirely out of your character. And one of those feelings is jealousy.
Being a target of relentless bullying is a lonely existence. The target not only becomes secretly desperate to have friends, but he also grows to hate anyone who does have them. I can testify to this because when I was a target, I’d watch the girls who were lucky enough to be surrounded by friends. I’d watch them laugh and notice the bright smiles and their auras brimming with confidence- and I’d feel white-hot rage brewing- stirring inside me.
I could feel my eyes blaze and shoot daggers of fire at those happy girls. I never showed it, but I hated them with the fierceness of a hurricane! It was one of the reasons why I’d often instigate fights and sow discord between other classmates.
I realize now that it was terrible for me to feel that way. I was certainly wrong for feeling the way I did. However, when you’re a kid, you don’t understand why life is one way for some and not for others.
And when life seems to be so bad that you want to look up and either cry out to or angrily lash out at God for allowing such an unfair injustice- for not only allowing you to starve but for seemingly forcing you to watch everyone else enjoy a five-course feast while you go without, that’s when you know your attitude needs an overhaul!
When you’re a kid, you don’t understand why it is that some have it better than others. You don’t know why some can and some can’t. And you wrack your brain, trying to figure out what the secret ingredients are.
But now that I know what the secret ingredients are, I realize that it never was anything I would’ve wanted in the first place. It wouldn’t have been worth it. They wouldn’t have been worth it.
To have to put on an act to be accepted by everyone?
To have to keep up appearances to be popular?
To be totally dependent on the approval of others?
To let the opinions of other people and the number of friends be the definition of who I am?
To have to be someone, I’m not and micromanage every move I make, and everything I say to keep from accidentally letting the real me slip out and risk displeasing people around me?
To have to cover one lie with a new one?
To be always afraid of people finding out who I really am?
To have my peace, happiness, and freedoms depend on the permission of others?
No thanks! They can have all the friends they want through all the fakery they want. That’s too much work, and I’m too lazy. If people don’t like the real me, they can hit the bricks. I don’t need them around.
I look back and realize that the vast majority of my classmates lived solely for their friends and the approval of others. They didn’t know what they wanted. Even worse, they didn’t know who they were! Sadly, as adults, they still don’t.
Even today, they’re slaves to the approval of others- tools- followers, sheep.
Me? I refuse to live that way. And I don’t live for them. I’m not out to win a popularity contest. I only want to be and do what makes me happy and live a drama-free life and in comfort. No more, no less.
Other than God, myself, and my family, I don’t live for anyone else, and I couldn’t care less about their approval.
I know who I am, and I live for much better things!
So, when I look back to all those years ago, I realize that there was nothing to be envious of. In fact, I was much better off than any of them. I was the luckier one. I didn’t have to jump through hoops and bend over backward for them. Although it was hard and I paid a heavy price for it, I lived for me, and I’m so glad I did.
If you’re a target of bullying and you ever find yourself jealous of your bullies and everyone else who has all these friends around them, I urge you to consider all the personal sacrifices they’re making to have those friends. What do they have to give up?
Is having to stuff down and bury your true nature a way you want to live? Having others dictate to you what you should be?
I hope not.
Anti-Bullying Song of the Day – “Who Says” by Selena Gomez
Change in Schedule
I wanted to let everyone that I will be working a lot of hours for the next two weeks. So if I’m not interacting as much as before, it isn’t because I’ve stopped communicating. But here’s the good part!
I am in the process of fulfilling the obligations of my two-weeks notice. So, after the 3rd, I will be blogging full time and working on my next novel. I am confident in my decision to let the job go and I believe the best is yet to come! I’ve met awesome people in the blogosphere and made some great friends here! And I wish all of you many blessings!
Anti-Bullying Song of the Day – “Dem Haters” by Rihanna
“You ‘Made’ or ‘Make’ Me…”, Statements Bullies Use to Intimidate Victims, and Justify Themselves.
Bullying, friendship and people concept. Girl patronizing screaming pointing finger at shy timid nerdy woman who is looking down
When you are or were bullied, did your bully ever justify their horrific treatment by making statements such as, “You ‘made me’ do it!”? I’ll bet that you have. Bullies often make the following statements to their targets to justify their behavior and intimidate the poor targets into keeping silent.
“You ‘made me’ or ‘make me’ hit you!”
“You ‘make’ people want to hurt you!”
“Don’t ‘make me’ hurt you!”
“Don’t ‘make me’ mad!”
“You make people want to yell at you!”
“You make me hate you!”
You get the point.
These are all statements bullies use to gaslight targets and to brainwash them into believing that it’s their (the target’s)fault. That the target made them (the bullies) lash out.
I can’t count the times I heard these from my classmates and I must admit, it was very hurtful and intimidating. However, I look back now and realize that this was only my bullies’ ways of shifting the blame my way because they were so afraid that I would call them out on their terrible behavior and expose them for the trash they truly were. They also wanted to maintain the upper hand.
The keywords in these sentences are either “made” or “make” and they are very telling if you really stop and think about it.
If you are a victim of bullying, expect those kinds of remarks. But understand that these are classic statements bullies make to shift the blame your way and to avoid losing their power over you, being caught, and the possibility of facing consequences.
There’s always a way to bust the bullies who try to shift blame onto you this way:
Simply counter the bully’s statement and say this:
“No! I didn’t make you do a damn thing! You did that all on your own!”
Say it point blank and with conviction. If possible, say it in front of an audience. Call the bully out and more than likely, the bully will think twice before saying anything else.
Guilt by Association: When Bullies Turn Others Against You.
Understand that to achieve their goals to isolate the target, bullies will threaten and punish anyone they see who’s having anything to do with the target.
Nobody wants to be ostracized. Nothing wrong with that. However, when bullies slander you and friends turn against you so easily, it speaks volumes about the kinds of people they are. And sadly, very few people have the sack to stand up to bullies. It stinks, but it’s the gospel truth.
Most people will do anything- and I mean anything to keep from being socially isolated, most will even turn their backs on their closest friends.
But understand this. Anybody who claims to be your friend but doesn’t have your back is not your friend! And when it comes to your bullies, you must ask yourself these questions:
1. Who are they (the bullies and anyone else) to set standards for you?
2. Who are they to tell you what standards you should live up to?
3. Who are they to tell you to change?
4. Who are they to tell you how to dress, how to act, and how to live?
5. What authority do they have to make any rules that you should follow?
6. Who died and made them the authority over you?
7. What power do they have to tell everyone else who to associate with and who not to?
If you’re a target of bullying who’s just been abandoned by everybody because the bullies have influenced them to do so, you must also ask yourself this question:
1. I mean dig deep and really ask yourself: Would you even want to be friends or associate with a bunch of pathetic wussies who are so weak and spineless that they’ll bow down to pacify a bunch of bullies? Do you want to associate with anyone who’s too chicken to stand behind you?
I want you to understand that anyone who says ‘yes’ to bullies and turns on you so quickly didn’t have much sack to begin with. They were never even worth knowing. Because they only proved to you that they’re worthless and can never be trusted. You don’t want a bunch of wimps for friends. I know it hurts when someone you thought so highly of suddenly throws you under the bus!
Believe me, I’ve been there and betrayal by people you thought were friends is the most painful part of being a target of bullying. But, as painful as it is, you need to realize that not everyone is worth your time. Not everyone deserves your friendship. So, when people turn against you, understand that it’s only the trash taking itself out!
What you want are strong and brave friends- friends with substance! You want friends with the cajones to have your back and tell the bullies to go take a long walk off a short pier!
Let me warn you. Great friends are hard to find. Because the strong and true are few in this world. Most people really are a bunch of bagless, weak-kneed wusses. Just as a girl must kiss many frogs to find a prince who’s worthy of her love, a target of bullying must weed through a great many wusses to find people who are worthy of her friendship.
You must raise your standards and expectations. You must be very selective of who you allow to be pals with you. Selectiveness is a great thing because it shows that you put value on yourself and that you won’t settle for anything less than what you want! You must put a proverbial price tag on yourself and make sure it isn’t too low! Only then will people respect you.
For others to value you, you must first value yourself! And that means loving yourself enough to walk away from people who are worthless to you (i.e. the fake friends who betray you).
Anti-Bullying Song of the Day – “Don’t You Just Hate Those People” by Jennette McCurdy
The “Kids Will Be Kids” Cop Out
Many teachers, principals- even the bullies’ parents will use this excuse to sweep incidences of bullying under the rug and trivialize any bullying the targeted student suffers. The “kids will be kids” cop out is designed to protect only the bullies, not the victim- the child who needs the protection.
But see this as it is- a cop out! A farce!
School officials have a legal responsibility to keep kids out of harm’s way while they’re at school- all kids. Not just a select few.
Many schools shirk responsibility and either blame the victim or hide bullying altogether. I’ve read news articles that reported situations where schools failed to notify the parents when a child was seriously injured by bullies.
Even worse, I’ve read about a few cases when the school neglected to call 911 when a child who was injured by a bully desperately needed medical attention.
These schools turn a blind eye when they see bullies making some innocent child’s life hell. They turn a deaf ear and blame the bullied child when he/she reports that they’re a target of bullying. I’ve read about extreme cases where schools retaliated against the victim’s family because they wouldn’t keep silent.
Officials are afraid that the school and school district will be given a black eye. So, they do everything possible to hide bullying that is rampant in their schools.
Because of these occurrences, parents are losing trust in the public-school system. I don’t blame them.
People are waking up to the fact that school officials are elected officials- politicians! And in many cases of bullying, when schools fail to act, you can best believe that politics is behind it.
In the past few years, homeschooling has skyrocketed. Should it be any wonder?