Low self-esteem can be a real energy-killer and motivation buster. As we know, bullying can have a devastating effect on both self-esteem and overall mental health. Most importantly, the low self-esteem that results from bullying can alter the entire trajectory of your life. It may seem that bullies have taken control over how you feel about yourself. However, that isn’t true.

In fact, you can take control over how their attacks make you feel and raise your self-esteem. You can reframe the attacks and buffer your confidence and self-esteem against them.

Therefore, here are 4 easy mind hacks that help raise self-esteem:

1. Remember that it’s about them, not you.

When bullies and abusers insult you, realize that the insult is only a reflection of how they feel about themselves. Think about it, if bullies were truly happy people, they wouldn’t feel the need to hurt you or anyone else. For example, if the bully calls you “worthless,” it’s a good indicator that he, himself, feels worthless.

Therefore, it’s about them, not you.

Understand that people who are miserable want others to feel miserable like they do. Making you miserable is the only way they can feel better about themselves. Yes, being verbally (or physically) attacked hurts. However, you must put in the work to reframe their attacks in your mind. Your self-esteem will thank you for it later.

2. Any accusation a bully makes is usually a confession.

Bullies and unsavory people will often accuse you of something you know you’re innocent of. However, realize that what they’re really doing is admitting that they’re either already done it or are doing it now. Bullies love to project and they’re experts at it.

Once you realize what your bullies are doing, you’ll be able to respond accordingly and your confidence will soar!

3. Your bullies are only speaking from their own worldview.

This is especially true when they say things to discourage you from following your goals and dreams. For example, you may be working on publishing a novel and your bullies overhear you telling your friends about it. The bullies may say things like, “You’ll only fail at it, miserably,” or “Your book will never sell.”

Again, realize that they’ve probably never succeeded at anything. Truth be known, your bullies themselves feel like failures. Therefore, they will say anything to discourage you from working on your goals and dreams. Why? Because they’re afraid that you just might reach them. Here’s a quote from a few years back:

“When others tell you, ‘you can’t’, they actually fear that you can and are even more afraid that you will.”

Also, ask yourself these questions:

Have any of your bullies ever published a book?

Have they ever been successful in the book publishing industry or at anything for that matter?

Do they even know anything about book publishing?

Chances are that they haven’t and probably never will. This alone should be a huge self-esteem booster!

4. The weight of a person’s words should always depend on how much they mean to you.

In other words, you place the most value on the words of the people you love and who love you the most. For instance, the words of your loving mother or father would carry more weight than the same words from a smart-alicky classmate or coworker.

The people that mean the most can be your parents, grandparents, siblings, spouse, or children, best friend, or a trusted mentor. Their words should always carry the most weight because these are the people who love you the most. They also want what’s best for you and cheer for your success.

However, the words of your bullies or anyone who abuses you, carry no weight whatsoever. Or, at least, they shouldn’t.

Therefore, place value on the words of the people you love and trust the most because they will be honest with you.

Unfortunately, it took me years to learn these things. How I wish I knew all this when I was younger and during so much bullying and abuse. The good thing is, you don’t have to trudge through all those years of trial and error like I did. Learn, then mentally rehearse these mind hacks and I guarantee that you’ll know them by heart. Even better, they will hugely buffer your self-esteem when bullies come for you, and your confidence will begin to soar!

With knowledge comes empowerment!