Here’s hoping your Christmas is a magical one!
Month: December 2021
Christmas Eve Blessings
The Importance of Overcoming Shyness
Many targets of bullying, after people bully them so severely for so long, become painfully shy. I did. So, I understand entirely.
When a target has personal attacks hurled at them from every direction, and others scrutinize everything they say and do down to the tiniest detail, it’s easy for that person to withdraw, shut out the rest of humanity, and hide in plain sight. It seems to be the safest thing to do.
However, it’s a terrible way to live. Shyness is like a prison without walls. It stops you from being your true, authentic self, and you end up missing out on so much. Shyness keeps you from having fun and enjoying life.
When you’re shy, you don’t properly connect with others because you’re too busy thinking about yourself rather than others.
There. I said it.
You’re too busy thinking instead of connecting- thinking of what to say next, wondering what others are thinking of you and of how they can benefit you, and self-conscious of how you’re coming across. You’re too busy thinking about you!
But what if I said that there was a way to get rid of shyness? What if I told you there’s one- just one ingredient?
It’s true! Are you ready for it? Here it is.
How you get rid of shyness is to take the focus off yourself and become interested in others. And when you do that, you put yourself out there and take risks.
That’s it.
As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.” How right she was.
When you’re so shy that you can’t bear social situations, it’s a sign that you’ve already given your power over to other people. Not good! You owe it to yourself to take that power back.
It won’t be easy. It may feel awkward at first. But put yourself out there and take risks. Greet people- even total strangers, with a smile and a “Hi. How are you?” You’ll be surprised at the positive outcomes you get and how your confidence begins to soar.
I know what some of you are thinking.
“What if they reject me?”
Rejection is a part of life. You just have to deal with that. Better yet, embrace it. It’s a risk you must take. Life is full of risks.
But if you don’t take risks, you don’t really live, you only exist.
Realize that human beings love it when you’re genuinely interested in them. Let them tell you about themselves and listen not only with your ears and eyes but with your whole heart. Do it long enough, and soon, it will no longer feel awkward. You won’t even need to think about it. It will feel like second nature.
Only when you develop a genuine interest in other people will your shyness disappear. The key is to focus outside yourself.
So, get out there and schmooze it up! I guarantee that you’ll be pleasantly surprised not only at the results you get but how confident you feel!
With knowledge comes empowerment!
The Resilience of The Target of Bullying
Understand that we, as humans, know what we need to nourish and flourish. And if we’re not getting what we need and want in our current environment, we’ll get it somewhere else.
Targets of bullying are like flowers that lean toward the sunlight to grow.
If you’re a target of bullying, you will find someplace where you’re accepted. You will find friends. You’ll find love, and you’ll find happiness.
My bullies weren’t able to keep me bullied and broken. After I moved to a new school, their power ended. I was no longer within their reach. As badly as they wanted to, they couldn’t keep me under their bootheel forever. I moved on to a place with people who accepted me as I was.
Understand that bullies can only keep you down for so long. They can’t do it forever. There’s always somewhere people will accept you- just for being your awesome self. Always remember that. There’s always a better tomorrow!
With knowledge comes empowerment!
When Bullying Ends in Suicide
What to Do When Bullies Troll Your Blog
Every blogger in the universe has had this happen. An unnamed cyber-bully or one with a fake name trolls your blog, then makes vile comments against you. You can tell the person isn’t a blogger because their name is in black, there’s no blog associated with their screen name, and their spelling and grammar looks as if they never got past the third grade.
Lord knows I’ve had my share of them so I’m positive that every other blogger has had a few too, if they’ve been blogging long enough. If you haven’t, give it time.
Luckily, we bloggers can moderate each comment and we have control over which comments get published and which don’t. That’s a good thing.
So, if you get a troll who harasses you on your blog and the comment is so out of left field that you think the person must be sending their comment from a mental institution, the best thing to do is to trash the comment.
It’s what I did earlier today when a commenter who called his/herself Sheina-Ashley Vann launched a personal attack on me today. I could tell this person was clearly off their rocker because the comment was pretty bizzare- and that’s putting it mildly.
Trashing the comment without reply is the best thing you can do because you erase them from your blog- you make the trolling person irrelevant. And that angers a troll more than anything because they want you to react and you don’t. You only make them disappear.
Then chances are that person never bothers you again, unless they’re a psycho. And if they do, you can always do the opposite- sometimes you must publish the comments to expose them for the mentally deranged kook they really are. And that can make them go away as well.
It really depends on the person you’re dealing with amd the concept and circumstances around the incidence. Some troll comments are better exposed and some are better trashed. Only you can decide which.
With knowledge comes empowerment!
Good News for Those on The Spectrum and Who Have Been Abused for It
What’s The Deal With Bullies and You-Statements?
Have you noticed how bullies always seem to make “you” statements? You this, and you that; “you always” this, and “you never” that. You, you, you! The thing is, these statements are so transparent and so telling. They speak volumes about the bullies and nothing about the target because they are hallmarks of the typical abuser- accusation, and blame.
Here are a few common you-statements bullies make.
“You lie all the time!”
“You always bitch and complain about everything!”
“You’re (stupid, ugly, crazy, a liar, a wuss, etc.)!”
“You can’t leave well enough alone!”
“You’re a chicken!”
“You couldn’t find your ass with both hands!”
“You’ll never amount to anything!”
“You just keep pushing it!”
“You’re always trying to start something!”
“You always blow everything out of proportion!”
“You bring it all on yourself!”
“You always have to screw everything up!”
And the list is endless.
Know that these you-statements are designed to tear you down and keep you there. They’re meant to strip you of your rights as a human being, your dignity, your autonomy, your joy, your pride, all of which is your personal power.
You must counter them, then turn them around on the bully. How to do this is by simply saying, “No I’m not, YOU are!” or “No I don’t! YOU do!” Then dismiss the bully and walk away.
The bully might argue back but the important thing is that you’ve made your point. And you walk away and leave the bully standing there running their mouth and looking desperate and stupid.
With knowledge comes empowerment!
Always Speak Your Truth No Matter What They May Call You
Many targets of bullying have had their voices stolen from them. They’re intimidated into keeping silent while others abuse and take advantage of them.
But you can’t bite your tongue forever because it will eventually come spewing out. You will snap and the stress will be as lava pouring out of an erupting volcano. This will become a vicious cycle.
Here’s how it progresses:
The target is calm, and people see this calmness as a weakness. Bullies began to notice how laid back the target is and presume that if they violate his boundaries, there will be no consequences. So, the abuse starts subtly at first- so subtly that the victim doesn’t even notice he’s being abused.
1.Bullies and bystanders: “We’re sorry we forgot to send you an invite to the party Saturday night.”
Target: “That’s okay. Maybe next time.”
Target is mildly stressed.
What the target thinks: “Really? You’re sorry? That’s the fourth time already.”
2. Bullies and bystanders: “You’re such a loser! When are you going to realize that and change your ways?”
Target: “I’m sorry. I don’t want any trouble with you guys.”
Target is angry but manages to hide it.
What the target thinks: “I’m not a loser! I wish you’d go somewhere else and leave me alone.”
3. Bullies and bystanders: “Can’t you do anything right? What the hell is wrong with you?”
Target: “What the hell did I do to you?”
Target is very angry but still manages to stuff it down and bury it.
Bullies and bystanders: ”Just forget it!”
Target: “Fine.”
What the target thinks: “No! You brought it up! Now let’s finish it!”
4. Bystander: “How are you?”
Target is angry and depressed.
Target: “I’m fine”
What the target thinks: I’m angry and depressed, thanks to you!”
5. Bullies and bystanders: “You’re so weak! We’re going to destroy you!”
Target is anxious, furious, and upset.
Target: “Why are you doing this to me? What have I ever done to any of you?”
What the target thinks: “I’ve had enough of your bullsh** and I’m about to go off on all of you! Now back the hell up!”
6. Bullies and bystanders: “Come here! We want to talk to you!”
Target is enraged. And can’t hold back any longer. This is the last straw.
Target: “(Yells) Go f*** yourselves! I have nothing to say to any of you! Now get the f*** out of here and don’t come back! I’m sick of you!”
What the target thinks: “Oh my God! This is so out of character for me! What’s happening to me!”
Bullies and bystanders: “Oh my God! Here we go again! He’s going crazy! He’s lost it! See! I told you he was a nutcase! See? He’s going off his rocker again! Hahahaha!”
And the bullying escalates because the target showed his ugly side and dared to respond to the bullies and their audience in kind. Now, people are using the target’s perfectly justified and normal human reaction to demonize him and make him look as if he’s mentally unstable.
This is why targets must speak out when the bullying first begins. I can’t stress this enough. Realize that these scenarios represent a pattern with bullies and their followers.
Bullies will push you and push you. They will keep digging at you until you snap on them. Then once you bite back, everyone is suddenly offended, and you are deemed the bad guy!
I want you to understand that this is all a part of the bully’s playbook. The more you know, the better you can predict their behavior, and the more you’ll be able to beat these monsters at their own game.
With knowledge comes empowerment!
Bullying Ad- How Would You Feel
Appreciation for Blogger Friends and Readers
Whew! 2021 has flown by, hasn’t it? Time seems to be moving so fast it’s almost scary! With 2022 just a week and a half away, I want to thank each and every one of you for making 2021 the best year yet at Chateau Cherie. Know that I appreciate you and all the good you bring to my little corner of the blogosphere. I’m grateful for your support and readership. Without you guys, this blog would never have gotten this far.
I always try to keep in mind that, when I write and post, it isn’t about me, it’s about you. Though I may share personal stories about myself from time to time, I share them as merely examples and never to toot my own horn. Yes, I’m a survivor and an overcomer but I never came through on my own, I only did it by the grace of God and a few awesome people who supported me during my worst times, and I try to keep that in the back of my mind.
And my blogger friends and readers are so important to me. This blog has grown to just over 2800 followers and although I’m so grateful for it and humbled by it, I will admit that I have problems quickly getting to everyone’s blogs to read. It’s getting more and more difficult to keep up with everyone’s posts due to time constraints and having other priorities of family, marriage, aging family members, and wifely household duties such as cooking and cleaning. If I could, I would definitely hire a few people to help me out. 😀
So, if you’re one of the blogger followers that I haven’t visited and read in a while, I just want to often my sincere apologies. But know this. It may take a while, but eventually, I will get to your blog and read your posts because I don’t only believe it’s the right thing to do, I also care about all of my readers and followers, which is why I make it a point to reciprocate their readership and support.
Blue Christmas background; Christmas composition with Xmas decoration on snow
Again, know that I appreciate each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart! And I wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas and a happy, happy new year!
Sage Advice
Reasons Bullies Deliberately Put You on The Defense
That’s right. And bullies will do it purposefully and for a reason. They put you on the defense to make you look “defensive” because they know that defensiveness makes a person look guilty. I’ll give you a few scenarios:
Scenario 1.
You’re a target, and the bullies go around telling others that you’re going to start a fight sooner or later. They also claim to know how you’re going to provoke the brawl and talk about that possibility as well. Even stranger is that these bullies are so confident in saying these things. They’re so sure that what they say is going to happen. It gets back to you, and you can’t understand why they’re making such outrageous and unknowable predictions.
But understand that this shouldn’t sound so strange and shouldn’t be so bewildering to you. No. What it should be is a WARNING to you! Allow me to continue.
Sure enough, one of the bullies slyly baits you and provokes you to fight back in self-defense. When you’re lured into a fight and call it out as it happened, everyone else sees you as too defensive. The bullies then stand back, snicker, and say,
“’ See? What did we tell you? We told you he/she was going to start a fight! And he/she did! We tried to warn you! And now, he/she just revealed how he did in attempting to turn it back on us!”
People then blame you for it and accuse you of being one who won’t take responsibility.
Let me elaborate:
Any time the bullies make such predictions should serve as a warning to you. It should warn you that something is going on behind the scenes.
It should tell you that what is really happening here is that the bullies are the ones plotting to provoke you into a physical altercation. Yes! You read this correctly! While the bullies are making such wild predictions about you, they’re setting everything up to happen exactly how they’re predicting so they can turn around and say, “See? We told you so! If so and so wasn’t guilty, he/she wouldn’t be denying and explaining it so vehemently!
And the more you plead your innocence and tell the truth that it was the bullies who provoked you, the more they and everyone else scream that you started the fight and that you’re only trying to avoid responsibility. Thus, the guiltier you look.
It shouldn’t be this easy, but it is!
Realize that this kind of deception is so easy to pull off, it shouldn’t work! But it does!
That’s why it pays to recognize when bullies unknowingly give themselves away and to take steps to thwart them somehow. And the best way is to call it out in front of an audience. Or better, you could say this,
“With that statement, you just busted yourselves, and you’re too stupid to realize it.”
And say it without elaborating on it any further. Because you’ll shock the crap out of your bullies and make them wonder how it is that you think they busted themselves. They may even ask you about it, but you don’t have to tell them. You can just smile and say, “I just do,” and keep walking. That reaction alone will throw your bullies off balance and make them a little sweaty!
But do this only if the bullies aren’t your bosses or any member of an authority, of course. In these cases, it’s best to keep your thoughts to yourself and start making an escape plan to get away from these psychos.
With knowledge comes empowerment!
Another Bullying Tactic- Barking Orders
When bullies order the target around, they deny his/her equality and autonomy. Instead of respectfully asking for what they want, bullies only bark off orders as if the target were their subordinate or subject. Proverbially, this is how bullies claim ownership of the person. Understand that bullies don’t have to be bosses or authority to order you around.
Here are some examples of orders and what you can say to counter them:
“Get (your ass) in here!”
“Screw you!”
“Come back here now!”
“Or what?”
“Clean this (shit) up!”
“YOU clean it up!”
“Don’t walk away from me!”
“I just did!”
“You’re not leaving!”
“Watch me!”
“I wanna talk to you!”
“Get lost!”
“I’ve got a bone to pick with you!”
“Drop dead!”
“Pick that up!”
“Up yours!”
“Sit down!”
“YOU sit down!”
“Shut up!”
“YOU shut up!”
“Move!”
“YOU move!”
Understand that no one has the right to give you orders other than your boss, teachers or your parents or grandparents. And if a classmate or coworker steps over the line and barks off an order, it’s as simple as saying, “I don’t take orders.”
The trick is to counter the order. It’s the only way to maintain your autonomy, self-esteem and keep feeling good about yourself.
With knowledge comes empowerment!