Are you ready for this? Here goes: You do it by being yourself, by setting boundaries, and by speaking and standing in your truth. I’ll explain deeper.
Be Yourself. Too many people put on fake personas for friendship and approval. What they don’t realize is that most of their friends aren’t really for them, they only act like they are and can reak lots of havoc in their lives if they aren’t careful! I want you to realize that like attracts like.
When you’re fake, you only attract more like-minded people into your world- fakes, fraudsters, and imposters! But understand that when you start being yourself, these people will naturally be repelled because they won’t like it.
Being real has a way of intimidating and threatening the fake. It strikes fear in them because a person who’s for real has a chance of exposing all who are fake. Is it any wonder that fake people either stay away from or bully those who are real? It’s because realness scares them to death!
Set Boundaries. This is a biggie! Setting boundaries is not easy. It can be frightening sometimes, especially when someone pushes you too far and the situation calls for you to put on your bitch-face and show your booty to people. But don’t worry about what others will think of it or say about it.
Boundaries always expose the fakes. Always! When you start setting boundaries, watch how people react! You’ll be amazed at how many people get angry and upset! You will automatically see their evil sides as they immediately turn against you, trying to lay guilt trips on you or smearing you to others.
But understand that anyone who gets angry at you for having boundaries only does so because they’ve benefited all this time from you not having any. Do you think they want those benefits to stop?
Don’t be afraid to let these people go because they never were your friends and therefore don’t belong in your life. Your real friends, on the other hand, will be happy for you and will cheer you on because they will want what’s best for you and to see you happy.
Speak and Stand in Your Truth. When you begin freely speaking out about past abuse and bullying, you can bet that you’ll make a lot of people angry. You’ll make bitter enemies not only of the people who wronged you in the past but also of those who stood by and watched it happen but fail to stop it.
Even if you don’t use their names and choose not to identify them, it won’t matter. Understand that any abuse thrives on silence. Abusers and most bystanders don’t want you talking about it at all!
They are sometimes those we call friends. Abusers can’t chance being exposed and seen by others in a negative light and they’ll go to great lengths to shut you down.
But again. This is how you weed out all the fakes and expose people for who they are. Deep-six these people. Fast!
Understand that for a garden to not only grow but flourish, you must get rid of all the weeds. It’s the same with the people in our lives. If we are surrounded by users, abusers, and people who only stifle us, we have no chance of growth and advancement.
But when you remove all the junk, you make room for a better quality of people to come into your life. Do these three things, to expose and get rid of the weeds.
You’ll be surprised at how it changes your life and of the quality of friends who come into your life later!
0 thoughts on “3 Things You Absolutely Must Do to Find Out Who Your Friends Are”
This is something I’m struggling with. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more and more out of touch with the people around me when it comes to politics and beliefs. I haven’t changed as much as the world around me has, and most of the people like me either have moved away or grown up and have completely different lives now, or both. I wonder if maybe I need to be more outspoken… particularly, if I really do feel like God has work for me to do here, I need to be outspoken specifically about Jesus Christ being the Savior of all human beings, as opposed to being outspoken about politics. But that’ll probably also cost me much of what little social life I have left, particularly since I don’t exactly have tact or discernment to know what is appropriate to say in certain situations, so in practice I just keep quiet about controversial issues…
My heart goes out to you, Greg. I can’t say that I blame you for your silence. I realize that when friendship and acceptance is already limited, it makes it that much harder to speak your mind. Many God bless you abundantly! <3
Thank you… I think I was a bit spoiled through the events that inspired the stories I’ve told recently in my blog, where my finding Jesus was intimately tied up with finding real friends who cared about me for who I was, in a college town where Christians weren’t afraid to be intellectual. I spent my late 20s first at an extremely legalistic and anti-intellectual church, and then at one where I was accused of horrible things while other people did even worse and no one batted an eye (that is going to be the back story of another continuing story blog I will write eventually, http://justtaketheleap.wordpress.com). I considered making a long move then, and sometimes these days I wish I had, but I opted for a short move instead, just far enough to make a fresh start. I got back into swing dancing through church friends in my 30s, then from there I got into other kinds of dancing as well as various groups who play strategy board games, Dungeons & Dragons, and stuff like that. Unlike some people, I don’t believe that those activities are inherently evil, but they do tend to attract people with very different beliefs and values from mine who tend to be outspokenly hostile to my views. A few weeks ago, I was playing board games with some friends (who are polyamorous, but I get along with them and I don’t ask questions about their relationships, and they don’t make too big a deal of it), and there were three new people in the group that night. One of them was talking about how when he is on Tinder and someone says right up front in their profile that they love Jesus, then he knows to swipe past them right away, because f*** Jesus, and another one was talking about how she wants to get her master’s in nursing so she can perform lots of abortions. It was hard for me to keep my mouth shut and my fists at my side that night, but I did… should I have? I really don’t know. But that’s the problem; my beliefs and values don’t line up with my interests. The people with my beliefs and values don’t have social lives anymore, because their social lives revolve around their kids, or they have moved away to more conservative states, or both.
So I don’t know what I’m trying to say… except that it’s hard… :\
I’m so sorry, Greg. I know it’s hard. And I don’t know the reason you go through what you’re enduring. Only God knows that reason.
Very well put, Cherie, and always worth being reminded of this👌 I love that you simply have to be yourself to find out who your true friends are! 😂
Here’s a conundrum: what if you’re the toxic person and your friends put you on the spot to try and teach you where you might have said or done something wrong. Cause only a true friend would do that, wouldn’t they? Also, only a true friend would be able to get away with it, wouldn’t they?! 😂
But I guess the ‘toxic’ person couldn’t be all bad if they’ve got friends in the first place? Hey, you’ve really got me thinking with this post! Great food for thought 💭💕😊
Great point there, Sunra! But sadly, that conundrum is a rare one as most toxic people only surround themselves with enablers, flying monkeys, weak wannabes, and patsies.
Thanks Cherie. Yeah, that’s true. I guess I like to think that people can change. But frenemies are definitely a thing!
Always enjoy your posts. You give voice to the voiceless👌☀️
You’re most welcome. This means a lot to me. <3
You’re welcome! Thank you too ❤️😊
Thee are so true!!!!
I love this post. Thanks for sharing.
My pleasure, Eunice. You’re very welcome. 💖
Oh my goodness! This is really important to know and to act upon. What confirmation and affirmation. Love it! Thank you, Cherie. 💕
You’re most welcome, Michele! And thank you so much for your kind words! 💖