After writing and posting, “The Dirty Dozen: 12 Types of people You Should Avoid,” back in July, it dawned on me that there were two more types of people that we all should avoid, and they are as follows:
1.The person who makes you second choice.
If you have a so-called friend who only wants to talk to or spend time with you when their first option isn’t available, it’s time to walk away. Don’t be second fiddle. Don’t be somebody’s option B, C, or D.
I’ve been on both sides of this fence. I played second fiddle many times when I was young, and I caused others to do it too because I wasn’t very mindful of other people’s feelings at times. I was wrong for it. Get rid of the people who make you second choice. At the same time, don’t take the people who value you for granted because it hurts, and they deserve better from you.
2. The person who only comes around when they want something.
Realize that this person doesn’t really love you for you, but only sees you as a convenience. They only love you for what they can get from you. These are the kinds of people who only show up when they’re in a jam and they need money, advice, or help with something.
You’re not a bank, you’re not Dear Abby, and you’re not a go-to person when someone needs help with something. You’re much, much more than that. Sure. It’s great to want to help your family, friends, and your fellow man. Nothing wrong with that. But if they only take advantage of you, it’s time to cut them off and cut them loose!
create your value
Remember. You create your own value by how you allow others to treat you. Always value yourself and never settle for people who don’t see your worth but only see the convenience you provide. It’s not your job to make other people’s lives easier for them and it’s not your responsibility to make them feel better about themselves. Know your worth. Take back your self-respect and your power.
With knowledge comes empowerment!
Spot on! <3
Thank you so much! It’s so good to see you!
These two are so important because dare I say these are the two that almost everyone has a few “friends” like this no matter who you are. There are certain issues or certain types of people where it is easy to say “That never happened to me” but this is not one of them.
You can be someone’s friend and they not be yours. Some people only come around or reach out when they need a favor. I literally have had people I hadn’t heard from in years reach out and want a favor all of a sudden and claim, “They have thought about me often.” No you haven’t. I don’t hear from you for 5 years and then all of a sudden you want a favor and I am the center of your attention? Really?
And while not calling out specific names, I commend those who call out these types of people though most users have no self-awareness. Tell you something else drives me nuts. It is when someone text me or I am chatting online with them and they disappear and you don’t heard from them for days. Common courtesy is you try to find time for a person, finish the conversation or tell them you can’t talk right now but will be back and will talk to them later in the day (or next day). Disappearing in the middle of a conversation is the ultimate form of rudeness and you do it to me times that person will tell you goodbye or you will tell them goodbye, depending on who is doing it.
One final thought, I can’t stand any kind of romantic relationship where the person I am with is jealous of friends, many of which have been around a lot longer than they have. It is a control issue. A true friend is loyal to the core on BOTH sides and if a romantic partner lives in jealousy. Good-bye.
I get that. And, I hate to admit it. But sometimes, I’m guilty of the text thing. Something comes up, my husband needs me for something, I get a phone call, somebody knocks at the door, and then I forget about the text. It happens a lot and I hate it. However, I do try to get back to them as soon as possible. Also, I will work on getting in the habit of informing them beforehand. However, I think that happens a lot with people. Therefore, I don’t take it personally. But just the same, a quick BRB would be a good start.
I find most people to be Opportunists. They want to be friends with conditions when you have something they want or can do for themselves. You never have many true friends in your life. And as far as the discussion on returning texts, messages etc it personally makes me feel like I am forgotten. My family knows if I am talking to someone, show me some respect. I am engaged in a discussion and what they have to say is just as important.
I can relate. That’s why my circle of friends is very small. I have about five true friends and no more. The rest of the people I know are acquaintances. When I text, I usually say BRB or I gotta step away for a minute. Here lately I’ve had so much going on that I have made the mistake of putting the phone down and forgetting. But I always get back to them and apologize, then finish the convo.
Like you, I experienced number 2 in both ways. I’ve grown wiser to this in my old age.
I’m with you there, Michael! I’ve experienced both, and now I’m choosy who I talk to and text.
I have to say that these 2 types are everywhere! Too often we want to be “nice” and soon end up being used or shunted to the side – because we are too nice and everyone just knows we’ll be waiting for a call or invitation that we’ll jump at. This pattern starts very young. At least my mother saw it and called it out. I learned not to wait – I issued my own invitations, and learned to say NO to user’s requests/demands.
You’re very wise to do so, Valerie. Now that I’m older, I don’t put up with those kinds of games. People like those are a waste of my time.