Self-Care Means Looking Out for Number One

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One thing I learned the hard way: If you don’t start looking out for number one, you’ll only continue playing second fiddle to others. Or worse, you might end up coming in last! I cannot stress this enough. It’s not selfish to make yourself numero uno, which means second only to God! Especially around bullies and people who don’t value you.

Now, don’t get me wrong. If you’re a parent raising children, or you have an ailing mother who depends on you, it’s only natural that you would put your family ahead of yourself- that’s a given. We all have an obligation to our families.

It’s also a given (or should be) that you always put God ahead of everyone else, including yourself. Again, that’s completely understandable, and more than that, it’s expected.

But when you’re in a toxic environment, around people who want to use and take you for granted, understand that you are top priority and to hell with them if they don’t like it.

Understand that when you’re being bullied in school or the workplace, the only person you have is you! So, be good to yourself. How you do this is to set firm boundaries and say no- and do it early-on and often!

You have to look out for number one, because, if you don’t, no one else will. In fact, they just might use you as a rug.

I know many, many people who were conditioned to think that putting yourself first is selfish or greedy- that taking care of yourself only means that you’re self-centered. They were raised being told that self-centeredness is a huge turnoff to others and in some cases, that’s true.

However, I’ve also noticed that bullies and abusers also tell their targets and victims those things only to shame them into staying around, silently taking their abuse, and accepting their inferiority to them (the bully/abuser).

Know that there’s a difference in being self-centeredness and self-care.

Self-centeredness means that you think you’re better than everyone else and that you think that any rules don’t apply to you. It means that you’re entitled- that you think everyone else is inferior to you and they should bow down and let you treat them however you deem them worthy because they have no boundaries.

Self-centeredness is one of the roots of bullying and abuse!

Self-care, on the other hand, means that you know that you’re no better than anyone else, but you’re just as good as the next person. Self-care means that you know that you’re equal to the next person and that you don’t deserve to be bullied or abused. Therefore, you know your rights and you’re not afraid to stand up for those rights.

It means that you hold yourself in high regard, just as you hold your family, friends, and the people you love and that you treat yourself just as well as you would another human being deserving of dignity.

It’s funny how quick bullies are to call us selfish or self-centered if we dare to stand up to their abuse. In fact, it’s part of the bully’s (or abuser’s) playbook. Accuse the target of that which you are guilty of yourself. Right?

If you have bullies and abusers who abuse you, always know that if they accuse you of anything- anything at all, you can bet that they are doing it themselves.

So, continue to look out for number one, even if you must find a way to do it on the sly. Don’t you think you’re worth it? I do.

With knowledge comes power!

0 thoughts on “Self-Care Means Looking Out for Number One

  1. Shashi says:

    Well written covering almost everything. And yes I have found myself in similar situations. Sometimes Luck saved me sometimes I had to make an effort.

  2. 009 says:

    Even I think self-care is very important and not a selfish as it may sound. Coz, if anyone wants to take care of someone they love, then they should take care of themselves or perfect themself (for the ones they love)…I know it sounds selfish, but is a selfless act in disguise.

  3. Stella Reddy says:

    Great post Cherie. When defending myself in the past I was led to believe it was wrong and I was shamed into shutting down once again. In the past year, I have managed to know the difference and know what I do, including my site, is all about self-are, not selfishness. I am looking after my number one, ME! Reading your posts the past few years, have rubbed off on me.

  4. Kym Gordon Moore says:

    Girl Cherie, not only is self-care about turning the attention to your personal needs and maintenance, it is therapeutic, regardless of the nonsense going on around you. Self-care does not have to cost an arm and a leg (and possibly a foot and an eye), but there are so many small things you can do for yourself that will mean the world of good to your mind, body, and spirit. Frequent long baths, with a cup of tea, a book, and some candles are what I call my “Calgon, take me away” moments, that I do multiple times a week. 🙏🏼🛁📖☕🕯

    And yes, self-centeredness is totally different, which you explained so eloquently my friend. Wishing you a FANtabulous “self-care” day girlfriend!!! Do whatcha gotta do!!! 🛀🏼🧘🏼‍♀️🧎🏼‍♀️

    • cheriewhite says:

      Thank you so much, dahhh-ling! And you’re so right, girl! Self-care is actually very cheap financially but so valuable healthwise!

      I love how you put old songs, TV shows, movies, and commercials in your comments! 😍😍😍I definitely remember the “Calgon, take me away.” commercial! 😁I also remember my mother having a box of Calgon sitting beside our bathtub and she would have her soak every night after us kids went to bed. 😁😁😁Such good memories!

      • Kym Gordon Moore says:

        Girlfriend thank you so much. I am so glad you can relate. Sometimes I feel old saying these catchphrases from the past! LOL 😜😆🤣 Geez! But your topic on self-care took me back to that place in time. At least 4 days of the week, I bask in the essence of my bath, a loooonnnnnggggggg bath, although it’s not with Calgon!!! LMBO 🤭😱🛁

  5. disturbedByVoices says:

    Very nice article again! Love this quote — “When you’re not used to confidence, confidence feels like arrogance. When you’re used to being passive, assertiveness feels like aggression. When you’re not used to getting your needs met, prioritizing yourself feels selfish. Your comfort zone is not a good benchmark.” ~ Dr. Vassilia

  6. Krzysiek says:

    Its a really good text.
    I think you have absolutle right.
    If everyone think on this way, World will be better.
    Thank you!
    Good day

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