Bullies may think they know you, and they may attempt to define who you are, but only you know the definition of who you are. By having the audacity to tell us who we are, not only to bullies attempt to force us to replace our thoughts of ourselves with theirs, they also try to play God.
In doing this, bullies also want to force us to deny our beliefs and convictions, and ultimately, deny ourselves. They want us to tell ourselves that what they did to us was all in our minds and only make-believe when it is they who are in a world of make-believe.
Understand that to accept someone else’s definition of you; you must discard your own. When we allow bullies to dictate our inner reality, we lose bits and pieces of ourselves. Also, little by little, we lose awareness of our emotions each time we allow them to do it and eventually grow numb.
For example, when we cry about a legitimate hurt that cuts us to the core, bullies will often invalidate the pain we feel and replace it with their perceptions of it.
They do it by making these biting statements:
“It isn’t that serious!”
“You’re too sensitive!”
“Oh, boo-friggin-hoo! You’re just a little cry baby trying to get attention!”
“Put your big-girl panties on!”
“Get over it!”
Understand that when you feel sadness, you feel sadness, and when you’re angry, you’re angry, and you should allow yourself and be allowed to feel those emotions. No one has a right to tell you how to feel. Ever!
In making these types of statements and accusations, bullies cause many targets to feel guilty for being a human being- for being a person. But realize that bullies don’t see you as a person with thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and convictions of your own. They see you as an abject- a robot they can control.
Bullies don’t see you as an independent and separate being. They see you as a subject who’s only here for their purpose, pleasure, and entertainment. In their minds, your sole purpose on earth is to make them feel powerful. Nothing more. So, instead of allowing you to own your truth, bullies will tell you what your truth is- or should be. And they’ll force-feed it to you and cram it down your throat.
Therefore, this is the kind of response you should expect from bullies.
And if you’re not careful, you’ll allow their statements to overtake you and, in that, allow their perceptions to replace yours. You’ll begin to see yourself through their eyes until you let them blind you to your true nature. You’ll slowly lose sight of yourself until you don’t know who you are anymore.
Even worse, you’ll lose the intuition that they’re abusing you and will no longer know when to protect yourself- you’ll grow numb to the abuse. Realize that this is how bullies and abusers train you not to defend yourself, and once they succeed, they then have you right where they want you- this is how bullies slowly and subtly take the fight out of targets and render them pacifists.
Understand that you must muster the strength to withstand your bullies’ attacks, do all you can to maintain your sense of self, and refuse to accept your bullies’ opinions and definitions of you. Never allow others to trick you into believing that they know you better than you know yourself. The truth is that you know yourself better than anyone else in the entire world because you’re the only one other than God who lives inside you.
Realize that bullies are persistent, so targets must maintain their sense of self and their clarity of who they are. Your beliefs, convictions, likes, dislikes, preferences, authenticity, autonomy, and your ability to decide when something doesn’t feel good add up to equal your definition and your truth.
Your self-definition, sense of self, self-belief, autonomy, confidence, self-esteem are like precious gems, and you must guard them against thieves who wish to take them.
With knowledge comes empowerment!
0 thoughts on “Define Yourself or Other People Will Do It for You”
You definitely have to define yourself and the earlier the better and stand up for yourself immediately. And if someone tries to hold you back or says you can’t, prove them wrong. So many people when someone claims they aren’t this or that back off of their dreams and in the bullies mind that proves their point. It takes courage but it is what must be done and the more confidence and success you show, the more people will realize you are the real deal.
Perfectly said! 💯
This post is very correct. Also, some bullies target those who have previously been abused because they are easier targets for gaslighting, etc. Very sad.
These are wise words, my friend.
Thank you so much! 💖💐🌹
Beautifully written. I am inspired by your words for we define our own happiness within ourselves. 💕🕊💕
Thank you so much, Linda! 💖 💐🌹🦋 And you’re so right! We definitely define our own happiness!
Very good, strong and thought provoking post, dear Cherie. I strongly agree!
This means a lot, Saima! Thank you so much!