Some rules, standards and laws exist for good reasons. Those that are sensible help keep society safe and without them, we’d live in a state of constant anarchy. However, if the rules, standards, or laws are blatantly ridiculous or downright dangerous, than we have a duty not to obey them, or at the very least, question them.
Most bullies wield power by making up rules and standards that are either laughable or unhealthy for the rest of us. And many targets try so hard to conform to their bullies’ rules and standards to fit in and because they think that their conformity will make the bullying stop. Sadly, this usually doesn’t work for targets. The hard truth is, conformity works for everyone else, yes, but rarely works for targets.
Why? Because they are targets and nothing else.
When others conform, they will be rewarded, but when a target conforms, they’ll only be bullied worse because the people around them will automatically presume that the target is conforming solely to keep out of trouble and get on everyone’s good side.
People will only see the target’s conformity and positive behavior as a form of manipulation and feel that the target only has ulterior motives behind it. And they will respond with deep anger and repugnance. The target will be branded a con artist. A grifter! A fake!
Bullies see anyone’s attempts to manipulate them as an unspoken message that the person doing the manipulating thinks they’re stupid. And bullies won’t stand for being thought of as dumb, especially by those they deem inferior. To bullies, that’s slap in the face!
This is one reason targets shouldn’t conform to their bullies, but here’s another reason:
Anytime you conform to the rules, standards or wishes of someone else- that is, someone who isn’t your boss, your teacher, your parents, etc., you deny your own wants and needs. You give up your autonomy and dignity, and ultimately, surrender to the bullies. This can take a huge toll on your self-esteem and after so many times, you’ll begin to feel terrible about yourself and regret that you ever conformed to those creeps.
Anytime you conform to bullies, you allow yourself to be subjugated. You become their subject, their slave, and their prisoner. And that doesn’t feel good at all.
You end up looking (and feeling) weak- like a wimp, a wuss, a pansy! You’ll only be ridiculed by everyone because you’ll look pathetic to them. They’ll see you as a bootlicker, a brown noser, a stooge!
It doesn’t matter how good or bad you are, bullies and everyone who sees you getting bullied only percieve you as a target and nothing else. And chances are, they will always see you that way. Therefore, if you can’t satisfy anyone else, then satisfy yourself by holding on to your dignity. And how you hold on to your dignity is to never conform to anything the bullies tell you.
Be strong and say no. Refuse to kowtow and bow down to them. They might retaliate and bully you worse for your refusal to give them what they want but trust me. They are going to bully you anyway whether you do or don’t, so why not make it count?
With knowledge comes empowerment!
0 thoughts on “Don’t Fall into The Conformity Trap”
I can tell you all about how I was made a pariah in the 80s for not confirming. But I didn’t let it effect me because I knew who I was and was happy with that.
That’s a good thing, Michael. I’m glad you had the self-belief to withstand the adversity. That’s what it takes- self-belief.
Same here, but it was the late 1970s for me. I wrote a book about my experiences being bulled called “I Don’t Want to Be Like You” and how the bullies didn’t break me. Truths about bullies – they are insecure and need to manipulate others in order to make themselves feel better. Truths about those who are bullied – They are the ones who are unique and end up being very successful.
I couldn’t agree more, Maryanne. Many people who were bullied in school do end up successful because of their uniqueness. Bullies are followers and followers rarely succeed. Btw, where can I get your book? I’d like to put it on my To-order list.
That’s cool… knowing who you are and what you want in life is the best weapon you can use against bullies…
Thank you so much. 💖 It sure is. It’s the very foundation of empowerment.
rules law yick yawn
not 25 or 6 to 7
3 to 1
1 in 3 the ultimate mystery
way inta heaven
where bread is unleaven
You are doing an excellent job by sharing a very valuable information on bullies and how to handle them. I really admire your posts.
Thank you so much. This means a lot! <3
This is worth every second of reading. Your first sentence lit up something I heard this morning…..that society has basically abandoned morality. It’s important to understand this, and not get caught in the trap of conformity.
Thank you so much, Mary. I so agree that society has become immoral and just because the law of man permits something doesn’t mean the law of God permits it. I so value your input, sweetie! <3
Thank you so much. I so appreciate your readership. 🙂
No, I thank you in fact for sharing valuable points. We live in a society where most of the people with powers misuse them for their personal gains; it is really nice & overwhelming to see someone stand up against them at least in a small way possible.
You’re most welcome. 🙂 And you’re absolutely right. Most people with a little bit of power abuse it and sadly, our society condones it.
Absolutely brilliant. Conformity trap can be dangerous. I totally love this article
Thank you so much. 😊 This means a lot and I appreciate your reading.
Conformity can lead to a serious case of complicity. Love this Cherie: “bullies won’t stand for being thought of as dumb, especially by those they deem inferior.” 😡
Girlfriend, ain’t that the truth! 😮👍🏼😣
Thank you so much, sweetie! 💖💐🌹 And you’re so right about conformity causing complicity. I love your thoughts on this. 🤗😘
Oh my friend, you are always welcome. You bring up some very valid topics to address an issue that is vital to our everyday survival. 💪🏼 Such information and empowerment is needed sweetie pie! 🥧 We appreciate ya Cherie! 💐🤗🌺
I think we need to be strong against it and yes of course we need to say no. Beautiful topic well shared 🤗💓
Thank you so much, Priti. 💖
Noncomformist for life here, I never liked the herd mentality.
Same here, sweetie. Following isn’t my bag either. 😀
Excellent reminder, strength and integrity wins the race. Love your blog Cherie, hugs, C
Thank you so much, Cheryl. And you’re so right- strength and integrity. <3
Rules and regulations are there to serve as a guide line of maintaining order and should be fair to everyone but bullies will try to put on some regulations based on hurting or belittling the target and sometimes there won’t be anyone standing against those rules because they will favor them but the target… remember rules should accommodate everyone and be fair on everyone.
You’re absolutely right. 💯 Bullies only corrupt the rules to serve their favorites and oppress the targets.
Yeah! And that’s not cool at all 🤔😤
Every stone that is thrown in our court builds the emotional armor needed to effectively engage those who would oppress through the one thing truly lacking in their life: a little bit of loving kindness. Thank you for sharing!
You’re very welcome, Dr. Maples. And you’re exactly right. 💯