Most seasoned bullies seek to intimidate others by nonverbal means. Why? Because nonverbal bullying is subtle and least likely to be detected.
This type of bullying can occur either at school or in the workplace. Here are a few such subtleties.
1. They lean against the victim’s desk, office doorway, car, etc. Anytime we lean against something, we stake a claim to or show ownership of that object.
How you handle it is to tell the bully point blank and in a stern voice,
“Get off my desk (car, etc.)”
Macho man standing crossed arms near luxury open top car in tropical resort isometric image vector illustration
2. The bully will sit in the other person’s chair. Again, any chair you sit in, you non-verbally lay claim to.
Address it by telling the person in no uncertain terms to unseat your chair.
3. The bully may also pick the victim’s notebook, purse off the victim’s desk, touch their property, etc. Understand that anything of yours the bully touches, he is laying claim to.
The unspoken message that the bully is sending is, “I own your desk, car, notebook, and anything that’s yours.”
Don’t ignore it, and don’t be quiet about it. Open your mouth and tell the creep to keep his hands off your stuff.
When I was in school, I saw a bully walk up to a table of freshman boys during lunch and pluck a French fry from one of the ninth grade boy’s plates before popping it into his mouth without even asking.
It was clear that the bully was challenging the boy. The message was,
“I just took a piece of your lunch. Now, what are you going to do about it?”
Female bullies will often go through their target’s purses or jacket pockets or flip through their notebooks, yearbooks, or diaries. I’ve also heard of bullies walking into their victim’s homes without knocking.
I remember going on a school trip and finding out that my bullies had gone through my luggage and stolen fifty dollars, a dress, and jewelry from me while I was out of the room. Because there were so many bullies, it was difficult for me to confront the thief. Though I had a pretty good idea who stole my belongings, I couldn’t prove she took them!
Understand that bullies will claim ownership of your space and your property, which only means that they believe they own YOU!
4. Bullies will violate your personal space. Bullies are notorious for getting too close.
Understand that when the bully gets in your face or looms you from behind, he is either trying to intimidate you, dominate you, challenging you, or attempting to provoke a fight. Do what you have to do. Tell this idiot to back the hell up!
Understand that these types of bullies have unlimited audacity, and they do not respect boundaries! With people who are bold and audacious, you must take a stand!
Never ignore them or allow yourself to be intimidated because these kinds of folks will only increase the behavior if you do.
With knowledge comes empowerment!
Oh my goodness! It’s scary but I am also furious about the audacity of the bullies. I am really shocked to know about your experience. Thank you so much for coming up with such an important topic on the bullies and tackling them.
You’re most welcome. 😊 And thank you for your kindness.
😚😚😚😚😚😚
With knowledge comes empowerment!!!
👍👌😊❤️🙏✔️🤝
Thank you so much. 🤗
☺️🙏
Bullying sucks.
It surely does, Monika. I’m so glad to hear from you. <3
Thank you. 😊 I got too busy these last two weeks. Glad to be here. 👍
I completely understand. 🙂
Too bad I wasn’t the teacher on your school trip. I would have called some other teachers over and searched all of the other’s bags until I found your missing property.
Thank you, Michael. That’s sweet of you. 🙂
Thanks Cherie, I just hate to see bullying in any form.
You’re welcome. You and me both, Michael.
LoL… indeed that should have happened.
I was bullied at school for 12 years and then abused and neglected at home. It completely destroyed me. In spite of therapy, I’ve never been able to have a normal life (I abused myself for 40 years)
When you make another person suffer, especially a child, the pain can last forever
Thanks for your blog
Words cannot express how my heart hurts for you, Jim. Know that you have a friend and there are people out there who do care. I’m one of them. Know that you did nothing to deserve that kind of treatment. Know that none of it was your fault and you’re not responsible for the horrible behavior of your abusers. They are the ones responsible and they will have to answer for it one day. Keep your head up and know that you’re awesome no matter what they may have told you. Blessings to you always.
Jim this goes right to my heart.. Sensitive boys suffer so much and I know how deep that damage can go.. to have no one there to protect or affirm you.. I hope you do not mind me commenting but its important you share about this to educate others because so often the sensitive who are so cruelly over ridden lose a voice and that is horrendous…
Blessings 💥💥💥
Thank you so much. 🤗
TL;DR bus driver bullied disabled adult. Last night, of all things, the city bus driver bullied me, methinks because I am disabled and he was the only person on the bus when he came to my stop. As I waved to flag him down, he mocked me by waving both arms up in the air, hands off the wheel. As I was getting ready to pay, I asked him what his arm-waving was all about. After three times asking, he said “I don’t know.” Yeah…no. After that he continued to harass me the whole way home, rushing me repeatedly to get to my seat, and refusing to help me get the dollar into the reader to pay my fare. Those are ADA violations, and to me a clear-cut case of discrimination. I reported him to the bus company today.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, Jen. You should have reported him, Jen. You did right. That was very unprofessional of him and it was discrimination. Keep me updated, sweetie.
Thank you so much for your kindness. I needed that. Will do — am also weaving it into a short story. Writing helps me cope.
You’re welcome. And you’re right- writing is a wonderful coping technique. I believe it saved my life.
Mine too. Hugs to you and best wishes for more peace in our lives.
Hugs back, dear. 🤗🤗🤗
Jen that was horrible experience and no one should go through what you went through
thank you, i aopreciate your empathy. i hope the bus company puts an end to his harassment.
I do too, Jen. Let me know where it goes.
Thank you — will do.
Ohh! Yes indeed… things like this needs to be spoken about and victims needs to come forward in this way there will be awareness and perpetrators will know the consequences of their actions.
Thank you, I agree. It is a huge reason I write.
🙏 ❤️…
I totally agree there are comments on here that just break my heart for those concerned.. We are often such a shut down lacking in compassion and awareness society.. I think Cherie is a modern day heroine and that this blog is so so important. I wish the information could be shared in schools so no child has ever to suffer in this way.. hugs and love to you Jen
Agreed…💯😀
thank you — I hope the bus company resolves this ongoing issue with that driver and a couple others. Otherwise they will keep on abusing riders.
Yes. They really do need to be brought up.
Very informative post…this is clearly that bullies aren’t relaxed, they are evolving their tactics. How do bullies of females differ from of men?
Female bullies are a lit sneakier with their attacks. They fly under the radar mostly. Some girls aren’t made of sugar and spice and everything nice.
Yohh! I guess bullying has same impact whether male or female and the most important thing is to put end to any kind of bullying so if we as people can work together then that will be possible…
That’s right! ❤ 💯
Cherie, you’re writing the truth. We love you to pieces ♥♥♥
This means a lot. 💖 Thank you so much. 🤗
Let me ask you something on this. On the non-verbal and this technically isn’t necessarily bullying but with the nonverbal I notice with siblings where one will kind of seem to huff up or some kind of non-verbal gesture or action where the dominant sibling or friend without saying a word will make the others fall in line or back down. I have seen that with siblings including my own or friendships even and certainly that happens in bullying situations too. Have you ever seen nonverbal imitidation maybe with your own kids, friends, siblings growing up etc? And if you would would you ask one or two of your friends if they have siblings or kids especially if they were the one to back down or lose some kind of way what was it about a non verbal gesture that made them back down? I really think the nonverbal stuff and I hadn’t thought much about it until now is huge because sometimes people are good at getting away with stuff without really “saying” much of anything.
You’re absolutely right. Sometimes all it takes is a look from afar to intimidate you into falling in line.
Oh my God Cherie.. the look. Mum only had to turn this on us and we would seize up.. it came with flared nostrils and was a sign she may go off at any moment.. the power of a look even is written and shared about on a You Tube video I watched a few years ago called something like The Narcissist’s Stare. it is chilling.
I hear you there! If looks could kill… 😱😱😱 Thank you for the heads up about the YouTube video. It’s definitely something I’d like to watch. I also have a post from last year called “That Creepy Stare…” I’ll definitely revamp it and repost in the next week or so. 😊💖💐
Do share that again I am going to search my old posts as I think I shared that one at the time.
I sure will. I’ve been blogging for almost six years and, because this blog has grown so much, I’ll revamp and repost many of my older posts. 😊💖
Its a good idea cause due to the sheer volume they get lost. I sometimes forget what I’ve written.
I hear you. I usually type in a word document, save in a folder, then post. I keep Word copies of ally posts on a flash drive so that I can keep records of them just in case. Then I can go back and search there.
Thats a good idea.
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I’ll definitely rewrite and repost. In the meantime, here’s the link to the post from last year:
https://cheriewhite.blog/2021/04/07/the-creepy-stare-bullies-give-targets/
Thank you Cherie.
You’re most welcome!
And I will definitely ask someone about that.
Thank you. I just think it is actually very revealing. It doesn’t always fall under bullying but with siblings, friends, etc someone usually ends up being the ring leader and the others fall in line often times through non verbal communication which could explain how the true bully gains power too.
Absolutely.💯 And it’d exactly how bullies gain power. And once they gain it, they abuse it.
Non verbal communication is so powerful and can be used by a whole family to keep someone downloaded with shame or in line. Have experienced that..
Absolutely right! 💯 Bullies and abusers are known for their nonverbal assaults and intimidation tactics.
Yes this post about space invasion really made sense to me Cherie..
Bullies love to invade your personal space, don’t they! They have more nerve than a bad tooth!
I know
Lots of subtlety. These people play with minds.
Great post.
Thank you so much, Lawrence. It’s the subtle bullies that get away with their bullying. 😡
Oh, so they want to try to intimidate you with their little nonverbal antics? Obviously, this only shows how inconsequential they are, and obviously they don’t have anything else important to do with their life! SMH! 😡
Ooh, girl! You’re so right about that! 💯👍🎯😡🤬