You might look at the title of this post and think, “Well, duh!” So, let me put it another way.
Just because you’re thirsty doesn’t mean you have to drink dirty water. Even if it seems that dirty water is all that’s available. In other words, don’t let loneliness cause you to go back to toxic people just because good people are hard to find.
“Settling for toxic friends because you’re lonely is like drinking dirty water because you’re thirsty.” – Cherie White –
Many times, when you finally get enough of being used and abused by fake friends and decide once and for all to walk away, you may be alone for a while. Life may put you to the test to see if you’re really and truly done with the creeps you once, very naively, called friends. Even worse, life may decide to drag it out over a few weeks or months just to test your strength.
This happens with many targets of bullying. And, consequently, they may wait a little while, but eventually they cave in and go back to the same people who treated them so badly. Or the target may allow their frenemies to sweet-talk them back into the friendship. However, what happens once they do go back?
Patience is a Must!
It’s true that these fake friends may be extra friendly. They treat the target well for a few days, weeks, or maybe even a month. However, they will eventually go back to treating the target shabbily again. Why? Because they see any second chance the target gave them as evidence that he was only bluffing when he broke off the friendship.
You’ll only look desperate, or, as the kids say today, “thirsty.” And ewww! that’s not a good look at all! Cringe is what it is!
Therefore, these fakers only lose respect for the target and no longer take him seriously. Even worse, if the target again gets tired of the abuse and walks away a second time, the fakes will only look at each other and say, “he’ll be back. He just needs to cool off.”
There’s a reason for the old saying, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” I’m all for giving second chances, don’t get me wrong. Because people screw up from time to time. However, you should use judgement when doing so. Who is it that you’re giving the chance to? And have they blown any chances you’ve given in the past? ‘Very important!
Don’t Give Chances to Those Who Only Abuse Them
Again, second chances are fine. Just make sure you don’t end up giving them a third chance, fourth chance, and so on. And realize that there are instances when even a second chance isn’t deserved- there are some things you just can’t come back from. So, if you decide to give another chance, make this your rule of thumb- the second chance is always the last chance. If they blow that chance, that’s it and it’s on them.
When it comes to situations such as this, you must stick to your guns. Otherwise, your fake friends, your bullies, and others who are around to see it will only use you as a cat toy.
Therefore, when you walk away from fake friends, do it and mean it! Do it with the presumption that you may have to wait a spell before better friends find you. Then stick it out! Wouldn’t you rather be by yourself rather than with people who only use and abuse you? If you’re going to be alone anyway, it might as well be for a damn good reason. Because nothing feels worse than being alone…in a group!
The next time you get fed up with shabby treatment and decide to walk, don’t let loneliness cause you to go back to toxic people. Be patient and wait it out! I promise you that better people will come along eventually. Dry spells don’t last forever and if you hold true to yourself and stick it out, you will have better friends. And they will be people who are worth your time and consideration- people who deserve to have you in their lives.
With knowledge comes empowerment!
16 thoughts on “Drinking Dirty Water Means You’re Thirsty”
Thank you, Shanti!
Good points about not returning back to abusers or toxic people. Yes, they do lose respect for us.
It isn’t just loneliness that sends us back into difficult situations, but also a misplaced sense of loyalty. Often we start to feel guilty about “abandoning” someone, and that can actually be triggered at times by the abuser themselves when they send out pitiful mewlings (yes, like a little kitten), trying to manipulate us, because they KNOW we are good hearted and don’t want anyone to suffer!
My second husband did this to me when I went to stay with my daughter to help her with the kids when her youngest was rediagnosed with cancer at the age of 1. While I was taking the emergency trips to the hospital 3 hours away from where my daughter lived, so she could continue to go to work, he was trying to be pitiful and telling me I just didn’t understand what he was going through, because he was SOOO
You’re absolutely right, Tamara! 💯 Many people do go back because of misplaced loyalty and misplaced guilt. And I’m so sorry your ex husband treated you so horribly. The gaslighting he did to you was no doubt terrible.
Wishing you a wonderful week ahead.
Dry spells don’t last forever… Quite true.
Thank you so much, Nigel. 🤗
Great advice. Just like how we have to watch for scams, we have to watch for fake friends.
Absolutely, Vanya. 💯
Just loved it.. So true and so beautifully presented the profoundness.. 👍🏼😊👌🏼👌🏼..
Thank you so much, Typewriter! You don’t know how much this means! 💖🤗
Thank you so much, Jack! God bless youband Dodie!
This!!! Yes 👏 you are absolutely correct 100%!!
Thank you so much! This means a lot! 💖
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