Bullies will often bully a specific victim for so long that the victim eventually expects maltreatment from all people. Although I no longer get bullied and have long since regained my confidence and self-esteem, I do remember that feeling all too well.
After being bullied for so long, you become fearful. Around people, you clam up, keep your eyes to yourself and go about your business. However, it seldom works because bullies are like pit bulldogs; they can smell fear from a mile away, so being reserved and staying out of the way tends to bring about more bullying.
You can always tell when a person is a victim of bullying because they continuously apologize for everything. Overapologizing is the surefire sign of bullying and abuse, as is being reserved and afraid to look people in the eye.
Understand that the person who does that is scared to death. They’ve lost all sense of their worth and are afraid to make decisions because they might make the wrong one and be ridiculed, shamed, or harmed for it.
Many targets are also afraid to talk to people because they know that, no matter what they say and how much sense it makes, they will be accused of saying something stupid or offensive and, they will again get persecuted for it. They’re fearful of going out or being seen in public because they might run into the wrong people (bullies).
They’re scared to greet people because they fear that they’ll be seen as too friendly. But if they say nothing, they’re often mistaken for being stuck up or standoffish.
If you are a victim of bullying and you do any of the above, STOP!
Living your life in fear is no way to live! It sucks! It’s a downright miserable existence, and you should refuse to keep your head down and clam up to avoid the pettiness of other people!
I want you to realize that you don’t need permission to be yourself or to exist! The day you say, “Screw it! Who cares what those idiots think!” will be the day you get your life back. Things may indeed get worse before they get better. But it’ll be worth it in the long run. I guarantee it.
With knowledge comes empowerment!
0 thoughts on “How Bullying Can Instill a False Sense of Insecurity”
This still describes me pretty well, unfortunately 🙏🙏
I was there for a while too, Jim. Until I finally said “screw it.” 😁😁😁
Yeah! Sad truth is the fact victims of bullying are not living to the best of their abilities and they are apologetic about their success which makes them miserable 😖 so you right they to break out of the box and be themselves and like you said it will get worse before it gets better. GUYS LET’S BREAK THE CHAIN OF BULLYING!!!
Absolutely right you are! 💯 We must refuse to apologize for any successes we have.
I clam up all the time, overthink and shrink myself.
I can relate because I used to do the same, Shanti. 💯 But no more! It just makes me angry that I let them run my life all those years ago and I refuse to let them have anymore of it. And once you throw off all the insecurity, it’s such sweet freedom! 🕊🕊🕊
Thanks Cherie, for this reinforcement. I spent over 2 years living like this, hiding out in my apt. so afraid to leave, out of such extreme fear of being attacked, I would throw up. It was January 2020 I started coming out of this state. Your posts helped me so much! It took time for me to get the courage to leave the area I felt so terrible in, but I am happy I did. I won’t get in this state no more, I have rebuilt myself now to the point of no more fear of other people, and I prove it to myself every day now.
I’m so proud of you, Stella! 💖😊 You deserve to live life on your terms and you’re doing it! 💐🌺🌹 Now, you can flourish!
One of the reasons all this matters is it changes some people forever. There are victory stories like yours but many people never get their self-esteem back. They question their mental ability, attractiveness, etc. Crowds make them nervous and if anyone is ever rude or even just stares blankly, they always assume the worst. It makes people more withdrawn and it is a struggle to be outgoing. It also affects potential relationships. How many of us have been attracted to someone but convinced ourselves we weren’t good enough. Then we got hurt or mad when they end up with another person but expect them to be mind readers on how we feel. It also keeps people from trying out for clubs, theater, athletic teams, student government.
You said it all right there! 💯💯💯 The affects of bullying bleed over into every area of life. My heart goes out to every person who never got their self-esteem back! In so many ways, it’s a fate worse than death because you don’t really live, you just exist! 💔
Very true! I’ve found that workplace bullying can be really similar to high school bullying. It’s the same type of dynamic since there’s a lot of politics, social climbing, clout chasing, etc. And if you’re one of the few people who are ostracized from the main group, it can sting no matter how confident you are. Took me a few months to get over a serious situation at once work place a few years ago. I feel very sorry for anyone who gets bullied in an office.
You’re absolutely right, Sara! It’s very similar to high school bullying only adults are sneaker with it than teens. And bullying hurts even when you’re confident, though isn’t as devastating as it would be to a person who isn’t confident. But even the super-confident are human beings with feelings, thoughts, and desires. And they too can have their confidence taken if they don’t leave the environment and move on to a place where they can continue to flourish. 💖💐🌹
You hit the nail spot on! It’s interesting, because it took me years to get more confident in my mid-30’s, I was thriving, but when I saw how most of the people didn’t like me at work, it was very alienating and I would cover up my sadness by laughing a lot, which fueled the bullying. Once they hid my chair so I had to go looking for it and I won a pair of shoes for a sales prize and one of the managers actually hid it from me. O.O It felt bad knowing even the superiors had an issue with me – and I was so quiet like I almost never said anything. Sorry I’m rambling. You’re right that adults are sneakier and the mind games can be that much more brutal than when kids do it. You’re right that confident doesn’t mean bulletproof and we all want connection like everyone else.
I’m so sorry they treated you so badly! 💔 I can guarantee you that they were jealous of you! You seemed happy, carefree, and bubbly, and you were successful with winning the shoes. These bullies were insecure and didn’t like you because you seemed happier than them. That’s why the laughter fueled the bullying. They were trying to bring you down to their level. Adults can be so childish!
That’s such a good point and the posts you write are so spot on with how these bullies act. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through bullying, too, but it sounds like you’re thriving now and you’re really helping people to recognize the signs of bullies/manipulation. <3
Thank you so much, Sara! 💖💐🌹🌺 In doing what I do, it’s not only my way of giving my bullies a poke in the eye, but it’s also a way to turn what was a horrible situation years ago into something positive today. You don’t know how much I appreciate your input and support! 🤗🌻
I’m super happy to have found your blog. 🙂 And that’s true – you’ve won and those bullies lost. In the end, they’re miserable, unconfident people who pull others down rather than work on their own issues to be better. You rock! I always look forward to your blog posts.
Sending a slew of hugs your way! 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
Thank you so much. 🙂 *hugs back*
Excellent advice, I can attest to this.
Thank you so much, Michael! 🙂