Bystanders, Friends, and Guilt by Association

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Understand that to achieve their goals to isolate the target, bullies will threaten and punish anyone they see having anything to do with the target.

Nobody wants to be ostracized. Nothing wrong with that. However, when bullies slander you and friends turn against you so easily, it speaks volumes about the kinds of people they are. And sadly, very few people have the sack to stand up to bullies. It stinks, but it’s the gospel truth.

Most people will do anything- and I mean anything to keep from being socially isolated. Most will even turn their backs on their closest friends.


But understand this. Anybody who claims to be your friend but doesn’t have your back is not your friend! And when it comes to your bullies, you must ask yourself these questions:

1. Who are they (the bullies and anyone else) to set standards for you?
2. Who are they to tell you what standards you should live up to?
3. Who are they to tell you to change?
4. Who are they to tell you how to dress, how to act, and how to live?
5. What authority do they have to make any rules that you should follow?
6. Who died and made them the authority over you?
7. What power do they have to tell everyone else who to associate with and who not to?

If you’re a target of bullying who’s just been abandoned by everybody because the bullies have influenced them to do so, you must also ask yourself this question:

1. Would you even want to be friends or associate with a bunch of pathetic wussies who are so weak and spineless that they’ll bow down to pacify a bunch of bullies? Do you want to associate with anyone who’s too chicken to stand behind you?

I want you to understand that anyone who says ‘yes’ to bullies and turns on you so quickly didn’t have much sack, to begin with. They were never even worth knowing. Because they only proved to you that they’re worthless and can never be trusted. You don’t want a bunch of wimps for friends. I know it hurts when someone you thought so highly of suddenly throws you under the bus!

Believe me, I’ve been there, and betrayal by people you thought were friends is the most painful part of being a target of bullying. But, as painful as it is, you need to realize that not everyone is worth your time. Not everyone deserves your friendship. So, when people turn against you, understand that it’s only the trash taking itself out!

What you want are strong and brave friends- friends with substance! You want friends with the cajones to have your back and tell the bullies to go take a long walk off a short pier!

Let me warn you. Great friends are hard to find. Because the strong and true are few in this world. Most people really are a bunch of bagless, weak-kneed wusses. Just as a girl must kiss many frogs to find a prince who’s worthy of her love, a target of bullying must weed through a great many wusses to find people who are worthy of her friendship.

You must raise your standards and expectations. You must be very selective of who you allow being pals with you. Selectiveness is a great thing because it shows that you value yourself and that you won’t settle for anything less than what you want! You must put a proverbial price tag on yourself and make sure it isn’t too low! Only then will people respect you.

For others to value you, you must first value yourself! And that means loving yourself enough to walk away from people who are worthless to you (i.e., the fake friends who betray you).

With knowledge comes empowerment!

0 thoughts on “Bystanders, Friends, and Guilt by Association

  1. Mary Cates Author and Freelance Writer says:

    Good article. For me, I can’t blame my discouragement on bullies. It just seems that everything and everyone has slowly allowed selfishness and personal pleasure to rule their lives. In general, people have become more inward and self-interested. My once beloved friends are choosing to make their nucleus family satisfy their needs for social happiness. The pandemic has helped in this arena. No time for me and my husband. Hospitality has gone out the window. I invite them to my home and they come, but no responses back. I have no children or siblings. My husband is my one and only happiness. He had extensive back surgery last January 2021 and it left him half crippled…..not steady walking and uses a cane for support. I have a lot more responsibility now, but thankful he is not in a wheelchair. Yes, I have lots to be thankful for, but I am extremely sad and discouraged at how inward and selfish my friends and acquaintances have become. I am basically a strong person, but I can testify to the fact that the world is wooly and wild, and even those who have been loving friends are caught in its greed and selfishness.

    • cheriewhite says:

      You’re absolutely right, Mary. The world has become ego-driven, not to say that it hasn’t always been, but it’s definitely gotten moreso today. And bullying is all about ego- it’s about taking power from another person. The pandemic has definitely brought out many people’s true colors and it’s sad. I’m so sorry your friends don’t reciprocate like they once did. It’s too easy to let a crisis turn you inward. 😓 You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers.🙏

  2. Kym Gordon Moore says:

    I remember listening to a speech given by Bernice King (Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr’s youngest daughter) at a church I attended back in the late 80s. The part of her speech that stands out the most for me was, “I would rather be by myself and know ‘who’ I am, than getting lost being with others, and don’t know ‘whose’ I am.”

    Very good post to remind us how lethal and true “guilt by association” really is Cherie! 😉🎭✨

  3. utahan15 says:

    i would agree no one does
    but if you re a freak such as me
    you do not want attention
    and i can assure you Cherie
    i made a mental list of
    all them kids that beat on me
    and i got even with every last one
    i stood over them and said
    all i asked you was to leave me be
    but nope
    they would not stop
    so i took the offensive
    and made myself so offensive
    to them
    they knew
    not to fuck with me
    i do not like to be this way
    but no one s gonna piss in my cheerios.
    good day!

  4. RespectAll44 says:

    Great post. True friends are few and far between. Many of us may have a lot of acquaintances or someone may be around for a season then gone for good. All of us should think about who has consistently been there for us. Who would fall on that sword to protect us. Those are the keepers and the ones we need in our lives and should let them know who they are and talk to them honestly and candidly what they mean to us.

    • cheriewhite says:

      Thank youbso much! 😊 And your comment is so spot on! 💯🎯 The people who are keepers are so hard to come by and when we find friends who are keepers, we must nurture those precious relationships! ❤️

  5. parikhit says:

    We ought to stop seeking validation from others who would turn their backs at the drop of a hat! True friends are rare, but they are enough and they will be there no matter what.

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