3 Reasons You Must Stand Up to Bullying When it First Begins

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My grandmother once told me this: “Never. And I mean never let anyone get comfortable with abusing and mistreating you.”

She was right. By the time she gave me that little gold nugget of wisdom, it was already too late. I was in high school and had been a victim of bullying since moving to *Oakley School District in the sixth grade. But right then, I understood what my very wise grandmother meant and why she gave me that advice.

Here’s what Uma (what I called my maternal grandmother) had already known by being a people-watcher and very good at people-reading:

concept of a mob attacking a person that they think is different

1. Once the mistreatment of a person has gone on for so long, the people around them get comfortable with mistreating that person. People grow so accustomed to being cruel to the target that they don’t even think about, nor do they care about how they hurt that person.

2. People come to expect the target the take the abuse without question, without talking back or talking about it, and without defending themselves. And when you finally do get tired of it and stand up to your persecutors, they won’t respect you for it. Because they’ve grown so accustomed to abusing you, they’ll only retaliate and do everything in their power to subdue you. You’ll be in a constant battle which will only wear you down and exhaust you.

3. You’ll come to be known as a pushover, a wimp- someone that is ripe for abuse. And once that label becomes iron-clad, it will be almost impossible to keep people from using you as a doormat.

Again, if a target firmly stands up to bad treatment in the early stages of being targeted, it’s more likely that others will respect his right to be treated well and either leave him alone or began treating him better.

Whereas, if the target lets the bullying go on for a long time, then begins to stand up for himself after getting fed up with being everyone’s doormat, others will more than likely be only angry and resentful of the person for daring to open his mouth about it. They will then double down in their abuse or either eliminate him somehow.

Once a person gets comfortable in mistreating you, it’s much more difficult to fight. Therefore, always speak out right when the bullying begins. Never let it go on for any length of time. The sooner you do, the easier it will be to assert your rights and avoid retaliation.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

0 thoughts on “3 Reasons You Must Stand Up to Bullying When it First Begins

  1. padmaja ramesh says:

    Very much true 👍
    We should stop them bullying, from the beginning itself. Or else we will be taken for granted. We should handle it wisely. But definitely not emotionally, which gives them chance to over do. Take care✌️

  2. Gracee1409 says:

    I love how you give such great advice and motivation to stand against the Bullys. I think we’ve all gone through it at some stage of life and may possibly go through it again, and i just love seeing someone actually write about it.

  3. Angry Bird says:

    Truly a gem of a blog.. I can’t tell how many of the advices given by your grandma I had to realize on my own which gave me trauma after trauma bcz of bullying..Sharing this..❤

  4. aparna12 says:

    Awesome post, Cherie. You are always an inspiration to me. A role model who helps others to stand up for themselves against a bunch of sick people called Bullies.

  5. wjwingrove97 says:

    this is very familiar…abusing me became a fun thing for people to do ..they liked me for it …I would get angry and fight back, but unless I kept it up, it would start all over again…and I didn’t have the strength or support to keep fighting…and it was always me against a group of people…Thanks 👍👍

  6. thedataresource says:

    Gosh, I love so many things about this blog. When I was in 8th grade, I met a kid who had been bullying another kid. I was not popular at all, didn’t have many friends, etc. Regretfully now, I didn’t do anything to stand up to that bully for the kid, I just didn’t have the confidence for it. So a few days later, that bully started talking to me and he was cool. He didn’t bully me at all, just two kids talking and becoming friends. I was glad that I was going to have a friend, but then a few days later it started to turn, and I began to realize that the kid I had seen him bully probably got pulled in the same way that I had. Everything was fine at first, he had lured me in. I had met a different kid in my homeroom class. Very popular, liked by everyone and we had talked a few times, only in homeroom, but we were ok. Interesting thing is that one day, I had been walking down a crowded hallway and the bully, behind me, kicked my foot and tripped me. Unfortunately for him, the popular kid I met in homeroom saw it happen and yelled at the bully at the top of his lungs, “DID YOU JUST TRIP MY FRIEND? WHY DONT YOU TRY TRIPPING ME?” He made such a big spectacle out of it, kids stopped moving in the hallway, wondering why there was so much shouting. The bully just walked on and never talked to me or bothered me again. That simple act made me realize that all you need to do is stand up for yourself, in a confident way. The bullies are looking for an easy mark. Once you make yourself a difficult mark, they want no part of it. That popular kid did for me what I should have done for the kid I saw getting bullied and I will never make that mistake again.

    • cheriewhite says:

      I’m so glad you had a friend who stood up for you. That made all the difference. And I understand about not having confidence to stand up for others because I didn’t have that confidence either. There were other targets I didn’t stand up for. I also became a bully and I regret doing that. I’ve since apologized tonthe people I hurt and didn’t speak out for in school. And, like you, I’ll never make that mistake again. Thank you so much for sharing your story and being transparent. You have my utmost respect. Know that you are a brave person and I admire you. And you are an inspiration to others. 💖💐🌹🦋

  7. CareTrain says:

    This is such a hard lesson for anyone who has ever been bullied but so important. If you are meek and mild or non-confrontational it is really hard but everyone needs to learn to stand up to a bully right away. It really can be the most effective thing you can do because you let that person know you will not put up with. Voice your views, don’t be afraid to call them out as well, and in extreme cases don’t be afraid to engage them physically. Whether you win or lose is almost irrelevant because bullies more often than not move on to people that they think they can get away with it. And this goes into adulthood as well. Do not let coworkers talk down to you, do not even be talked down to in relationships. In other words, stand up for yourself and anyone that bullies you, consistently disrespects you, etc take them out of your life if you can.

      • CareTrain says:

        Which is why I like this post. I think as you said tackling it in its infancy is probably the biggest thing you can do. Unfortunately many (most) do not and then it opens up a myriad of other issues and things you have to deal with. Speaking for myself, I got a lot more assertive as I got older but as a child I definitely wasn’t.

        • cheriewhite says:

          I understand. I wasn’t very assertive as a child either. In my teens, I got more assertive but by then it was to late. My bullies had grown too comfortable in mistreating me and they only resented me for defending myself and retaliated. I had to learn this the hard way. I’m so glad you became assertive as an adult because it can really turn your life around. Wishing you much love, happiness and success! 🕊🦋

  8. Kym Gordon Moore says:

    Very wise woman that grandmother of yours! 👏🏼 Like some of my friends say, when you’re tired of being sick and tired, watch out, cause there ain’t nothin’ you can do about what happens next! 🤨😲😱

  9. Sara Flower Kjeldsen says:

    I dated a guy right before Christmas and because I was so anxious about flying home (Sometimes I feel nervous about leaving my city to visit family), I let my guard down and really attached myself to him. Well, looking back on my time with him, it’s actually shocking what I put up with – he punched me in the arm pretty hard as a “joke” and completely tore apart my apartment for being smaller than his bedroom. He also joked about me being clueless and I told him I am not clueless at all, and he gave me that intimidating bully stare down. He ended up cutting the ties while I was away, I think because he knew I do have family and people who love me. I really need to be more careful. :S I’ll keep my eyes wide open this year and not put up with anymore of that stuff.

  10. 80smetalman says:

    More great words of wisdom Cherie. In the case of males and females in some instances, when you stand up to the initial bullying, you must be prepared for a physical attack.

    • cheriewhite says:

      You’re absolutely right, Michael! There is a lot of risk involved in standing up for yourself. But life is full of risks and if we don’t take risks, then nothing will change for the better. It’s the sacrifices we must all be willing to make at some point.

  11. shoutyourheadoff says:

    Bullying. Such a nasty state that children and teenagers get into . I watched a show the other day, where you’d persons on a housing estate in the north of England(UK), were making life hell for whole families. And all because someone stood up to them, they ganged up and destroyed lives and homes. A bully is almost never alone. They always gang up, and this is where they get their bravado from to ruin lives without remorse.

    • cheriewhite says:

      You’re so right. Bullies always get their power from an entourage. There’s strength in numbers and in a group, people can more easily achieve anonymity which is why they get away with their horrid behavior. I feel heartfelt sadness for those families and I hope and pray they can find peace. Thank you for sharing this story.

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