Tag: frenemies

frenemies

Never Let It Phase You When Someone Unfriends You on Social Media. Let the Trash Take Itself Out.

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Too many people, especially targets of bullying, get upset and take it personally when someone unfriends them or unfollows them on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or any social media platform.

But why? Should that person’s approval or disapproval even matter?

Don’t get me wrong. No one likes to be rejected and having someone you thought was a friend delete you can hurt. So, I completely understand the pain and the wondering why the person or persons rejected you.

Maybe you said something on a post the other person didn’t like, so the person got their skivvies in a bunch and unfriended them. Or the other person lashed out at you in a comment and threatened and threatened to unfriend or block you. And now, you feel bad and want to apologize for “offending” the person.

But does it even warrant an apology? And should you feel devastated? Does this necessarily mean it’s the end of the world?

Ask yourself these questions:

1. Who is the other person to dictate what you say on your page?

2. Unless you’re intentionally trying to harm someone, what’s the big deal?

3. Who is this person to tell you what your opinions and beliefs should be?

4. And last and most important, how much does this person mean to you?

You wouldn’t let someone walk into your house and tell you how to arrange your furniture or tell you what you should or should not talk about. So, why would you allow them to tell you what you should type on your page?

Understand that just as your home and property that you own are your physical real estate, your social media is your online real estate, and you own it. Therefore, what you put on it is your business, unless you’ve using it to unprovoked and unjustly libel someone to cause them loss of business and reputation. Only then are you crossing a line.

As far as your personal opinions, beliefs, and convictions are concerned, these are yours to voice and they’re free. And when someone comes on your page and personally attacks you over one of your posts, technically, they’re in your house.

If anyone unfriends you because they don’t like what you have to say or how you say it, let them go because, obviously, anyone who doesn’t allow you to say what you feel and be yourself doesn’t and never did deserve your friendship in the first place. Also, they don’t deserve to have access to your page.

And if the person launches personal attacks against you by making nasty comments or threats, you can always delete them from your friends or followers list or block them completely.

You must realize that not everyone who sends you friend requests, who’s already on your friends’ list, or who follows you is your friend. Many of them are only there to check up on you and poke a nose in your business.

Several are there to see what you have to say and screenshot your posts so that they can show others as they pick it apart and take your words completely out of context in attempts to mar your good name. Others may be there to find out your marital status and see who your family members and friends are.

And once you realize this, you won’t feel nearly as bad the next time someone unfriends or unfollows you. In fact, you won’t even care. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

You should only value the approval and opinions of those you value the most- people who have proven that they value you in return- your family and closest friends.

Again, how much does this person mean to you?

Understand that if a person doesn’t mean a lot to you, neither will their opinions or judgements of you. And if a Facebook friend or Twitter or Instagram follower has a problem with one of your posts, either let them go, unfriend, or block them. It’s as simple as that.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Moving On Is So Much Better Than Hanging on to Relationships that Don’t Fulfill You

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Let’s face it, some things and some people aren’t worth your time and energy. Sadly, many targets of bullying bend over backwards trying to get others to like them but only accomplish the exact opposite- they only end up repelling more and more people.

Realize that, although they may be painful to detach from, certain things and people in life just aren’t worth fighting for. And these people are:

1. People who bully and abuse you

2. People who are jealous of your successes and accomplishments

 3. People who don’t reciprocate the love and care you give them- people who take and never give.

 4. People who don’t value you nor see your worth.

 5. People who are negative and drain the energy from you.

 6. People you feel like you must force conversations with.

 7. People you feel like you must force to stay in your life.

 8. People you have to try so hard to prove your worth to.

 Trust me, you have nothing to prove to these morons and they’re not worth it! And they don’t deserve the privilege of being in your life. Stop giving them things they haven’t earned- they haven’t even earned your respect, must less your friendship, time, and energy! Kick these creeps to the curb! Fast!

Realize that you can’t force people to love you. People love you because they want to, not because they feel obligated to.

Let me break it down some more:

1.If you have people in your life who make you feel that you must explain to them why you do things the way you do, get rid of them, they’re only dead weight that holds you back from the life you deserve to enjoy.

 2. If you have people who say they’re for you but only discourage you from your goals- people who always tell you that you can’t, give them the boot because, again, they’re only trying to brainwash you to hold you back for achieving your goals so that they won’t end up feeling so bad about themselves.

 3. If you have people who only pretend to be your friends but really aren’t- people who talk about you behind your back, laugh at you with other people, or make little digs to make you feel bad, tell these people to take a walk because with friends like those, you don’t need enemies!

Realize that when you move on, you cease to be controlled, manipulated, and victimized. You put these people right where they need to be, in the trash heap of life. Hey, I know that being friendless sucks, but I promise you that it won’t last long.

Hit the road concept, road – 3D rendering

Know that when you get rid of the people who don’t value you, you only increase your own value and attract better people into your life in the future.

Instead of fighting to maintain relationships with people who aren’t worth peeing on, much less fighting for, cut ties with them and move on with your life. Move on and power through the pain and loneliness.

Whatever you do, just get rid of these people and move on. You’ll feel much better about yourself when you do. I promise!

Quality over Quantity

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I have only a small circle of friends and associates and I like it that way. I’d much rather only five true friends than to have a million fake ones. And the truth is that you can have millions of frenemies and fair-weather friends who don’t value you as much as you deserve to be valued and still be lonely. You are no better off than you’d be if you had no friends at all.

But you can have only one friend, two friends, three or five, true friends who genuinely love you, enjoy being around you, and have your back and never feel abandoned.

Quantity is always zero without quality.

You can own a hundred houses, but it does not mean you’re rich. If your hundred houses are all infested with termites, rats, and cockroaches; and about to fall apart, do you really have anything of value?

A hundred cars don’t make a dealership if they’re all old beaters that don’t run. No. What you have is a junkyard.

The same goes with the friends you keep around. You can have thousands of friends but if they all treat you like crap, never have your back, and bail out at the first sign of trouble, they aren’t worth a damn, and you should ditch and switch.

Pick friends who know your worth and who earn the privilege of being in your life.

You must add value to yourself and that means that your time and your friendship must come at a cost. And that cost is reciprocation.

If a so-called friend constantly deals you shabby treatment, you must immediately withdraw your friendship and tell that person to take a walk and to not even look back. That’s how you add value to yourself.

You must teach others how they should treat you.

I realize that it won’t be easy to walk away, especially if you’re a target of bullying and your toxic, fake friends seem to be the only options you have. Nobody wants to be lonely and friendless. However, wouldn’t you rather be by yourself than to have sorry pieces of crap who only let you down as your friends. I know I would!

You must know your worth. Know that you deserve more than the crumbs you’re getting. And know that you can have true friends if you ditch these creeps. Think of it like this: You’re getting rid of them to make room for the better friends you’re about to meet. I’m not saying that you won’t be friendless for a while because you just might be.

And if you must wait, here are a few things you can do to lift your spirits while you wait:

1.Dive into your hobbies.

2. Spend time with family and friends.

3. Do the things you enjoy doing.

4. Exercise.

5. Treat yourself to a pampering session- get a spa treatment, go on a trip to the beach, etc.

There are so many things you can do that will put a smile on your face. Only you know what they are. Self-care is so important during times like these.

But I promise you. You will meet better people and you will make better friends. And once you do, they will be worth the wait! Don’t you think you’re worth it? I do.

And always remember. Quality over quantity!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Some People Aren’t Worth Your Time

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Some people don’t come into your life to help you, they come to hinder you.

Some don’t come into your life to love you, they come to use you.

To some people, you’re not a person. You’re an opportunity.

They don’t love you for you, they love you for what you can do for them, and what they can take from you.

Some people aren’t loyal to you. They’re loyal to the benefits that come with you.

That’s why they disappear, no matter how many times you’ve appeared for them.

They never offer assistance, no matter how many times you’ve assisted them.

Stop standing behind people who don’t stand behind you.

Stop breaking your back for people who don’t have yours.

Stop busting your butt for people who don’t watch yours.

Some people aren’t blessings, they’re lessons.

Realize that these people aren’t worth a nanosecond of your time, and you must drop them like a bad habit. Only then will you feel better about yourself and attract more genuine and authentic people- people who uplift you and who love you for simply being beautiful, wonderful, awesome you!

A Closer Look at Frenemies (Part 2)

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In Part 1, we discussed frenemies and the gradual but growing hot/cold, waxing and waning in their behavior, which snowballs into a terrible lashing of venom that leaves a target both shocked and hurt.

Again, if you’ve ever found yourself on the receiving end of a frenemy’s poison, rest assured that none of it was your fault and you were not the person with the issue. Understand that in using this hot/cold, nice/nasty cycle, the frenemy only used “The Push/Pull Method” on you.

This push and pull technique is exactly how it sounds: the frenemy pulls the target in, pushes him/her away, then pulls them in again. This back and forth cycle is specifically designed to hook you into the friendship and throw you off your game! Realize that the person was more than likely never your friend!

You may ask yourself these questions:

“If this person was never my friend and never liked me to begin with, why then did they exert such much effort to get close to me?”

“Why did this person latch on to me in the first place?”

Jealousy was most likely the culprit. Your frenemy (or frenemies) was intensely jealous of something you possessed and wanted a way to punish you for having something- anything they only wished they had. They wanted to bring you down a few notches…to put you in your place…to cut you down to size!

Rather than a direct, frontal assault, they preferred to out-flank you by carefully cozying up to you, tricking you into dropping your defenses, and winning your complete trust to get close to you!

Another reason could be that the frenemy somehow gets an ego-boost from being “friends” with you and the thought of being seen with you!

Understand that this closeness is a way to hook you into the friendship, then gather intimate, personal details about your life and personality to suss out any weaknesses or less-than-desirable qualities you have. Fake-friends are like police detectives who attempt to build a case against you.

Once they gather the intel they need, they exploit this information, using it as a weapon to harm you, ruin your reputation, and sabotage your personal relationships and associations.

When you finally get fed up, put your foot down and end the friendship, the frenemy then paints you as the mean, mentally-unbalanced, or selfish person and trumpets any dirt collected on you to anyone who will listen to them. I want you to understand that this is how frenemies operate. People such as these are very sneaky, meticulous, and worst of all, patient!

It is much better to have full-blown enemies than frenemies because, with an enemy, you always know where you stand and can more easily avoid contact. However, (especially those who are charming and persuasive) have ways of reeling you in and keeping you dependent on their approval and acceptance.

 

Red flag waving on blue sky background.

And if you are a victim of bullying, the relationship is much harder to get out of because you’re afraid of going back to being friendless. But wouldn’t you rather be to yourself than to keep company with people who only wish to bring you down? I know I would!

Remember that a smiling face does not a friend make. Not everyone who pats you on the back has your best interests at heart. There are red flags you can look for, and speed in friendship progression is a major red flag! Anytime someone is so quick to call you a friend, be alert! Alternating hot and cold (flip-flopping) and micro-flashes of contempt and hostility in their body language are also warnings you should be aware of!

In these scenarios, the best you can do is to step back and maintain plenty of distance between you and the person in question. Only then is it possible to observe them and figure out their true motivations and intentions!

A Closer Look at Frenemies

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Every single one of us has had that one “friend” or that handful of “friends,” if that’s what you prefer to call them. They seem to really like us and want to be around us all the time. They cozy up to us very quickly (too quickly), seemingly mesmerized by us, bombarding us with attention and laying the flattery on super-thick really early in the relationship and wanting so badly to be a part of our lives.

They butter us up with compliments, smile at us, and pat us on the back, making us feel great about ourselves. If you’re being bullied and are feeling insecure like I was years ago, this is such a welcome change!

You’re bullied, lonely, rejected, and this seems to be just the thing you’ve been waiting for, giving you that much-needed shot of dopamine you’ve been craving for so long!

Suddenly you feel great about yourself and think that maybe, the bullying might be coming to an end. Soon, however, you notice subtle signs in the person that doesn’t feel so good, occasionally seeing out of the corner of your eye those split-second flashes of disdain on the faces of your “new friends”…a sneer here, an evil, piercing glance there.

Although your gut begins to sound off, telling you that something is “off” about this person (or these people), you only mentally make excuses for them.

“Maybe he/she is having a rough day.”
“Maybe someone made him/her angry before they came to visit.”
“Maybe they’re just in a bad mood.”

Wanting to believe the very best of the person(s), you mentally explain away the signs that tell you that something just isn’t right. Then, when it happens again, you begin to ask yourself,

“Was it something I said or something I did accidentally to offend this person?”

Next, your new buddy or buddies seem cold toward you. They begin to alternate hot and cold, and you’re left bewildered as to the causation, all the while your sixth sense is telling you to put some distance yourself and these people and to do it fast! But you don’t because this person is a friend. You love them and don’t want to seem like a heel or that you don’t appreciate their friendship.

Also, the bullies have suddenly disappeared, and you want to keep it this way. Even worse and more pathetic, you dread the possibility of going back to square one…eating your lunch alone, walking alone in the halls, and once again, being the target of bullies.

So, you continue to tolerate unacceptable behavior because, deep down, you don’t think that you can find better people to be pals with. You’ve been bullied and shamed for so long that you have actually forgotten what a true friend is and what it’s like to have one.

When you finally work up the nerve to ask the person about his/her behavior, they either lie about the behavior, downplay it, or worse, tell you that you’re imagining things or being too sensitive. However, as time goes by, those tiny micro-expressions of ire, the split-second glares, and subtle, back-handed compliments and coldness only become more frequent!

Now, your Spidey-senses are screaming! Others you thought were decent toward you are now giving you the silent treatment, and you don’t know why.

Suddenly, BAM! It happens! The person lashes out at you for reasons that are so trivial, or worse, reasons which seem to be made up! You know you should tell them to take a hike, but you only blame yourself or give misplaced apologies instead, looking even more pathetic to bystanders and witnesses! Even worse, now, you look like an even bigger target to bullies!

Continued in Part 2…

Toxic Friendship

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Have you ever experienced a toxic friendship. If you’re old enough, you probably have. Here are the signs and symptoms of a bad friend that you must know.

 

Have you ever had so-called friends who seemed to turn hot and cold toward you? Who manipulated you into doing something you didn’t want to do? Fake friends who never had your back and always threw you under the bus whenever you were in trouble or in danger? Who treated you shabbily and didn’t seem to care how they hurt you? Whom you had to apologize to for things you weren’t guilty of just to keep the peace?

Have you ever had that particular friend who seemed possessive of you and wanted to keep you all to herself? Who would get angry when she saw you talking to another friend of yours, or worse, treat the other friend like a fifth wheel because she feels threatened by your friendship with the other girl?

 

Or…maybe it’s less obvious. Your so-called friend discourages you when you tell him what your plans for the future are. You tell your frenemy that you’re planning to cut a CD, or write a book and publish it. And he shoots you off your saddle by telling you in the most caring and concerned tone,

“I want to warn you before you get your hopes up because the last thing I want is to see you disappointed. Most singers and writers never get anywhere with their music and books. It’s hard to make it in that industry today.”

Although that may be true- it’s very difficult to make it in both the music and publishing industries, your friend should at least encourage you and be proud of you for having the guts to try. Because, who knows? You may be one of the lucky few who do make it. However, if you don’t even try, you won’t even have a chance of succeeding.

 

Maybe you have a dream of one day becoming an actor and your friends ridicule you for having that dream and tell you that you’ll only crash and burn.

Maybe you’ve made a great achievement or won an award and your friends only give you backhanded compliments, or trivialize your accomplishment.

Any time friends discourage you like that, you have to wonder if they’re only discouraging you because they’re afraid that you just might be successful. You also must ask yourself whether they believe in you or not, or if they’re secretly resentful of your success.

 

If you’re having these problems with those who are supposed to be your friends. My loving advice is to find new friends. You owe it to yourself. Realize that real friends make us feel better about ourselves not worse. Real friends enhance your life, they don’t cause pain or humiliation.

Toxic friends only suck the life out of you and leave you feeling worthless. You deserve friends who are ride or die. You deserve friends who are there for you no matter what kind of storms you may be going through. And you deserve friends who value you and don’t want to lose you.

 

But first, you must value yourself. And how you value yourself is to get rid of anyone who doesn’t treat you as well as you treat them. You may be alone for a spell, but your people will find you eventually and it will be worth it in the end. I guarantee it!

Drawing Your Enemies Out in the Open

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We think we know all the people in our lives, especially those closest to us, but many are not who they make us think they are. In life, there will be fakers and imposters, people who will infiltrate your inner circle and pretend to be your friends. These people will seem to latch onto you like a tick to a dog. Then, they can figure out everything about you- your soft spots, intentions, the most intimate details of your life, goals, and dreams. Then these people will work behind the scenes to sabotage and crush you.

But what if I told you that there is a clever way to draw all those rogues out? Even scarier, what if I told you that it won’t be an easy thing to do?

In fact, it just might be the hardest thing to do because it requires unshakeable confidence and self-belief.

What do I mean by this? Here it is:

Sometimes, you must play the loser and appear weak to make the people around you feel safe. Only then can you draw them out and trick them into removing their fake husks. This is what you do anytime you have any shred of doubt about a person or persons.

You must realize that when people feel untouchable, they become brazen, and that is when you see their true nature. And to make them feel untouchable, you must give them the impression that they’ve already won.

I won’t kid you. This will be hard to do because it will feel like a huge blow to your pride. You’ll be ridiculed, people will gloat, and it won’t feel good at all. In fact, it’ll feel terrible, even humiliating at times.

This is something most people wouldn’t dream of doing because, as I just mentioned, it’s downright terrifying. Nobody wants to know of any possibility that a long-trusted friend could turn out to be a snake. I get that.

It feels so much better (and safer) to live in denial and act as if everything is peachy king. Also, no one wants to look weak. It feels better to appear strong even if you’re not.

It’s a blow to the ego when we’re defeated, and– even when we aren’t defeated but appear that way to the rest of the world. But trust me, it is only, ONLY, when you’re at your lowest you find out who’s really in your corner, and, more importantly, was all along.

So, again, if you can give the illusion that you’ve been knocked on your tookus, you’ll be surprised at the snakes who shed their skins and reveal themselves, and some will more than likely be people you’d never expect. Very few people realize who their enemies are until the fit hits the shan.

Any time you appear to be at your weakest and lowest, not only will your secret enemies reveal themselves, they’ll also be more emboldened to act against you. And when they do, they’ll do it openly! And the reason these people will be so open with their dirt is because they’ll mistake you for being powerless to fight back.

But realize that this is the only way for you to clear the dead weight and human clutter from your life. And you do it by unmasking it first. After all, you must know who to get rid of before you can do this successfully, and if done right, you can ensure your safety and peace of mind in the future.

You can remove any obstacles to your progress and more easily achieve your goals. More importantly, you can ensure a better future for yourself.

So, in closing, any time you have doubts about a friend or two, do something to make yourself appear weak or down and out. Then see how they respond and what they do.

It might not feel good at the time, but you’ll thank yourself later. Even better, you’ll thank all the fakers for walking into your well-laid trap and showing you what lowlifes, they really are. And you’ll smile and hold your head high as you walk away and discard them into the trash heap of the many scumbags who underestimated you.