Negative Self-beliefs Targets Can Have That Are Caused by Bullying

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“Nobody will ever love me.”
“Nothing good can ever happen to me.”
“Human beings are predators and love drama.”
”It sucks to be me!”

Those were once my beliefs.

Bullying is a form of brainwashing. When a person has been an object of bullying for an extended length of time, they become fearful and unconsciously hold themselves back. After people tell the target for so long that they aren’t good enough, the tormented person comes to believe it themselves. Even worse, those negative thoughts, which have, for several years, been drummed into their heads by bullies, become a self-fulfilling prophecy!

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Because bullying is so repetitive, it causes the target to think that they don’t deserve to be happy or prosperous. This person stops taking risks and plays everything safe. They settle for far less than what he/she deserves. And they don’t trust themselves to make good decisions and to say or do the right thing.

Targets of chronic bullying have the mindset that good fortune happens to anyone but them. Also, victims lose faith in humanity and come to think that all people are rotten and take pleasure in harming others. As a result, they lose their trust in humans in general, which only causes them to lose out on what could be genuinely remarkable friendships and relationships and re-enforce loneliness and isolation.

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This is what bullying does to victims. It reprograms their minds and smashes their self-esteem to pieces, which can sometimes take years to put back together again. It causes them to do things that they usually would never do. I say this because it happened to me.

During the years my classmates bullied me, I did not trust anyone. I selected friends I didn’t want to be friends with and dated a few guys whom I wasn’t even remotely attracted to- all because I believed I couldn’t do any better. I did this to avoid being alone.

As long as there was a warm body around, it was “good enough.” I didn’t realize that not only was I being unfair to myself but also the people I selected. I deserved to be with people whom I wanted to be with and who were upstanding and positive, and they deserved to be with people who were with them because they chose to be, not because they were the only option. I was doing what Zig Zigler termed as “stinkin’ thinkin.'”

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Here is another thing victims do as a result of bullying, they never permit themselves to be selfish, not realizing that a little bit of selfishness is okay, even imperative at times! In the past, people have repeatedly accused these targets of being selfish when they are only caring for themselves and also shamed them into believing that anything they do for themselves is wrong. Therefore, they put themselves on the back burner and everyone else comes first, often at the victim’s own expense!

It happened to me. I became shy and shut people out for fear of being harmed. I was afraid to say “no” to people because, in the past, I had been retaliated against and hurt for daring to set a boundary. I was forbidden to set boundaries and expected to, even forced to “let” others violate me. It was a terrible situation, which eventually caused me not to value myself as a person.

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And when I finally got mad at the direction my life was headed. I decided, “No more!” I deserved to be happy just as much as the next person and I got proactive. I became hungry for any knowledge that would help me change my inside so that I could change my outside!

I took my first step toward empowerment by reading as many personal development books as I could get my hands on, then putting their advice into practice. And believe me! Spiritual and psychological reprogramming isn’t easy!

Anytime you set out to change destructive thoughts and habits you’ve had for several years, it’s the hardest thing to do. It takes a lot of grunt-work and, most of all, patience because the change doesn’t happen overnight.

Your mind will fight you every step of the way. It took several years for me to notice a significant difference in my thought patterns and attitude.

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Thankfully, it finally paid off in a big way, and things are much different today! I want you to know that when you are a target, placing worth on yourself and doing the work to bring positive changes in your life is the most important thing you can ever do for yourself.

Don’t do like me. For a time, I let my bullies win by caving in under a mountain of pressure and giving them carte blanche to brainwash me with their abuse. However, it was a lesson learned.

Always, value yourself, even when it seems that others don’t because it will work wonders for your self-esteem and save you a lot of work later. Keep fighting even when it appears that you’re losing the battle because oftentimes when things look the bleakest, your breakthrough or relief is just around the corner.

Love yourself and put yourself first, then reach out to only those who reciprocate love and positive feelings to you. Turn a deaf ear to the harmful talk bullies may attempt to fill your head with. Better yet, send those toxic parasites packing! Because you’re worth it! I promise you!

33 thoughts on “Negative Self-beliefs Targets Can Have That Are Caused by Bullying”

  2. aparna12 says:
    Reply

    This is amazing. I am really proud to be your friend. You are an inspiration for me and especially after reading this blog, I can feel a new person emerging from within. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us.

  4. 80smetalman says:
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    I second everything you have written here. I would add that do not be afraid to accept outside help. If you get counselling or go on courses like Assertiveness Training, it doesn’t mean you’re weak or nuts. You must do what you need to improve yourself.

    • cheriewhite says:
      Reply

      Thank you do much, Michael! And you’re spot on with the outside help and Assertiveness training. Many don’t know how to be assertive because they haven’t been taught to. Also, many people have been conditioned to believe that assertiveness is bad and that’s a shame. 😭

  9. KT Workman says:
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    I think one of the hardest things to do is learn to love yourself. We women are raised to put everyone first, like our needs are not important…always at the end of the line. For a lot of us, age brings with it a sense of self worth. It’s sad we don’t know our own worthiness from an early age. Like most men.

    • cheriewhite says:
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      Boy, you said that perfectly, Kathy! As women, we are mostly undervalued and conditioned to undervalue ourselves. Is it any wonder that depression and mental illness plagues mostly women? And if we stand up to inhumane treatment, we’re considered crazy. It’s just a form of conditioning and it sets us up for a life of low self-esteem, which negatively affects all aspects of our lives from our choice of a husband, to the jobs we end up in- everything. We end up settling for less and getting even less than what we settled for. Thank you so much for your thoughts on this because they’re truly thought provoking! 🤔💖💐🌹

  10. rebecca s revels says:
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    So true in so many ways. Even as adults, we face those who seek to use insults and other verbal attacks to make us feel less. I have had men attack me online because I set a firm boundary of any possible relationships. Yet, when I am able to stand strong, even against the attacks, I feel more powerful.

  11. Arun Singha says:
    Reply

    Love yourself and put yourself first, then reach out to only those who reciprocate love and positive feelings to you. Turn a deaf ear to the harmful talk bullies may attempt to fill your head with. Better yet, send those toxic parasites packing! Because you’re worth it! I promise you!

    🙏 THE BEST LESSON🙏

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